Both Our Kids Knew They Were Trans Age 4 & 7 | MY EXTRAORDINARY FAMILY
PARENTS of two transgender children say they are not pushing an agenda, but instead supporting their kids with acceptance and love. James, 11, and Olivia, 7, live with their parents, Ben and Sara, in Berkeley, California. The family are sharing their story with the hope of normalising the narrative surrounding trans children.
Transcript
00:00The reaction when people hear that we have two trans kids is pretty shock and awe.
00:05Before I had transitioned, I had like a piece missing in me and it just didn't feel right.
00:12And I was nervous to tell my parents.
00:15When I told them, they said that they accepted me.
00:18I was like super happy.
00:20We're not going to allow our kids to feel shame or fear.
00:25They deserve to feel loved.
00:27Anyone can be whoever they want and it doesn't matter what your opinion is.
00:34Being trans, to describe it, it would mean you were born the gender that you don't feel like in your heart.
00:44Good morning.
00:46So are you excited for the last week of school?
00:49Mhm.
00:50Are you nervous about middle school?
00:51Yeah.
00:53I always have been a boy, but I started to realize it in first grade when I told my mom I wanted to have my hair short
01:02and that I wanted to look less girly.
01:08James approached us in a casual way by dropping hints from the time he was seven until he was eight.
01:16He would say things like, I'm half boy, half girl, half gorilla.
01:20And I would think you're not good at math like your mom.
01:24I remember a time that he said to me, sometimes I feel like I'm a boy.
01:27And at that point, I was trying to be a supportive parent and said, yeah, I've got effeminate feelings and I get that.
01:34And that's okay to have feelings that are masculine and feelings that are feminine.
01:38I'm done.
01:39Okay.
01:40But the truth of the matter is I was missing these clues, these breadcrumbs that were being dropped around him kind of testing the water.
01:49Before I had transitioned, I had like a piece missing to me and it just didn't feel right.
01:56And I was nervous to tell my parents.
01:59Which one are you coloring?
02:01This one.
02:03When I told them and they said that they accepted me, I was like super happy because I know a lot of trans kids don't have that.
02:12And that's sad.
02:14When James was eight years old, he asked to transition, which meant a social transition, which is not permanent.
02:22He got to use he and him for pronouns.
02:26He then, this past year, changed his name legally and his gender markers legally.
02:33He just now, a month ago, started hormone blockers.
02:39It's an implant.
02:40It is to prevent his puberty.
02:43It will prevent a menstruation cycle and breast development, which would cause a lot of havoc mentally and physically for him
02:53if he were to start developing those second sex characteristics.
02:57And he is counting down the days until he can start testosterone, which would be the first time something permanent would be happening.
03:05Because at that point, it would affect fertility.
03:08If you use a blocker and go on to testosterone, your aches would never mature.
03:13You would have to go through female puberty for that, which is something you could do.
03:18I could, but I don't want to.
03:20Why?
03:21Because it's uncomfortable.
03:22What's uncomfortable?
03:23To think of that.
03:24I'm a guy, and it's like if any other guy thought about being a woman, that's uncomfortable.
03:32And you've always said you wanted to be a parent.
03:34Yeah.
03:35So what are you going to do about that if you can't have your own child?
03:39Adopting is a great idea to me.
03:43I transitioned first, so I think that that helped Olivia see that it was okay to be trans.
03:51That's amazing.
03:52Wow.
03:53Is it bigger than yesterday's or is that?
03:55I think it's actually smaller.
03:57That made it easier for her to come out and tell my parents because she knew that they would be accepting.
04:06Olivia said she was transgender from the age of four until five, and we allowed her to wear whatever she wanted,
04:16but she didn't socially transition until she was five years old.
04:19It was less shocking because we had just had a child transition, and we had just educated ourselves about gender.
04:25A lot of people think that it must be a copycat situation where the younger one's just mimicking the older one,
04:32thinking that the older one's getting some kind of praise or feedback, and they want the same attention.
04:38But this is who she is, and this is where we are.
04:42I reacted to Olivia transitioning like most older siblings would, which is kind of like, but really?
04:50Even though I'm trans, I got a little defensive because I thought it was my thing.
04:57But now I saw and still see that Olivia's a girl and that she always will be.
05:04He helped me by making me confident because you're like my first supporter,
05:13so it made me very confident that I would have many more.
05:19Our relationship is good. It's like most siblings.
05:24We fight, but it's nothing ever important, I guess.
05:29Luckily with Olivia, she's so young. She's only seven.
05:32The first thing would be a hormone blocker, and that's not until she would hit stage two of puberty.
05:39As of right now, we just follow her lead.
05:42All right, let's head out.
05:44And we parent, for those of you who think that we're just following our children around and doing nothing.
05:51Yeah, we do.
05:56For anyone who says that we're pushing an agenda, I would ask them to look at their own children.
06:02If you can't find a way to love your child, and your faith or your fears are more important than your caring for your own child,
06:12then don't look at me, look at yourself.
06:14We're going about this because we're listening to our children and because we're doing a lot of research,
06:19and research has proven that we're doing the right thing.
06:22The scary statistics of what happens when a parent is not supportive of their transgender child.
06:28The high amount of suicide that occurs scared me so much that I knew that no matter what fear or hesitation we had or concern,
06:40that the only thing our children could and should and would feel from us would be love and acceptance.
06:47There was a grieving process for me when both of my children transitioned.
06:52It wasn't because I didn't love my child anymore, it had nothing to do with that.
06:56It had to do with me navigating a world that I just knew nothing about.
07:01It was very scary, and as time has gone on, I've learned to trust that there is community, there is support,
07:07and this is real.
07:10There is a concern from a lot of people that this could be a phase and this ultimately may not be who they are,
07:17but knowing that they're going to always have the experience of love and acceptance from us is key.
07:24We will love and accept them if they come to us tomorrow and say that they've changed their mind.
07:28We will love and accept them if they don't.
07:30Being trans is just a little part of me.
07:32We're not different, we shouldn't be treated better or worse.
07:36Where I am now, I have all the support I need.