John Rich | Barstool Rundown
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00:00All right, it's the rundown for Tuesday, April 30th, last day of April.
00:07Mm-hmm, happy birthday to Kirsten Dunst.
00:09Yes, Kirsten Dunst of the Spider-Man movie.
00:12That's right, the hard nipples that she kissed McGuire when he was upside down.
00:16You know what, she's also in Wimbledon.
00:17She has nipples in that one, too.
00:19She has nipples in almost every movie.
00:20Yeah.
00:21Showing nipples, or just?
00:23I think protruding nipples.
00:24Yeah.
00:25Have you ever kissed upside down?
00:26Never kissed upside down?
00:27I think it'll be tough.
00:28I did it once.
00:29You've kissed up, how?
00:30You say I've done everything.
00:32No, I, no.
00:32What position were you in?
00:33No, she was just like laying off the bed, like her head was like this.
00:36And I gave her a kiss.
00:37She was, her back and everything was on the bed.
00:40Her head was hanging off the bed.
00:41Yes.
00:42And you were in.
00:43How high was the bed?
00:44Was it a bunk bed?
00:45Yeah, I just, I just, I just got.
00:46It has to be a bunk bed.
00:47Show me what you were doing.
00:48I just got on a knee.
00:49On a knee?
00:50Yeah, and I just.
00:51Did you French though?
00:52You Frenched?
00:53That was, that was tongue?
00:54Yeah.
00:54But wait, you were Dunsting, she was Tobying.
00:56Yeah, she was like this.
00:57You can't be, you can't be the Dunst.
00:59Were your nipples hard?
01:00No, my nipples weren't hard.
01:01My, my dick was.
01:03Yeah, but you were Dunsting.
01:04Yeah, she.
01:05She was Spider-Man.
01:06You were the girl.
01:06You got alpha'd.
01:07The man is always upside down.
01:09Fuck.
01:09Yeah.
01:10I got played.
01:11Yeah.
01:11I had fun though, it was cool.
01:13Yeah, sure.
01:13I think it would be kind of tough.
01:14All right, well next time I know, next time I'll switch it up.
01:15You, you were, you were, you said you were hard dicked.
01:18Yeah.
01:19So how did you get to the floor and she stay on the bed?
01:22We were trying something else out.
01:25Oh, was it a blow job thing?
01:26Yeah.
01:28But like before I put my dick in there, I, I kissed her first.
01:30Yeah.
01:31I bet it was after.
01:31It was so after.
01:35All right, rundown brought to you, of course, by Pink Whitney.
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02:00Yep.
02:00Good Bev.
02:01Good Bev.
02:02Great Bev.
02:03Love it.
02:04Second best Bev in this company.
02:06You're not allowed, we're not allowed to, we're not allowed to do this.
02:08I don't know.
02:09Say that, Pat Bev's.
02:09We're not allowed to, we're not allowed to rank.
02:11We can't rank the Bev's?
02:13No, no, that was a good joke.
02:14That was a good joke.
02:14That was a good one.
02:15Not the drinks, the, the Pat Bev.
02:17What's your number one Bev?
02:18Pat?
02:19Beverly Cleary.
02:20I do like Beverly Cleary.
02:23How many Bev's?
02:24There's not a whole lot of Bev's.
02:25Bev.
02:26Bell Bev Devoe?
02:27That's Bev.
02:28Bev.
02:28That's Bev, yeah.
02:29All right, well, I'm sure there's a cover band.
02:31A Bev?
02:32Yeah.
02:33Bell Bev Devoe.
02:33Bill Bev Devoe.
02:34There's a guy named Bill.
02:35Yeah.
02:36Bill Bev Devoe.
02:37Yeah, there's two Bev's.
02:39Beverly Cleary, Bev, Beverly D'Angelo.
02:42Who's that?
02:42She was, wasn't she in Christmas Vacation?
02:45She was, she was Clark's wife.
02:46Clark's wife, she's beautiful.
02:47Yeah, she got naked in the first, the first Vacation's got titties.
02:51Yeah, that's when you can show titties and they can still be PG-13.
02:54Because I saw my first titties.
02:55Caddyshack.
02:56No.
02:56Oh, airplane.
02:57There's titties in Caddyshack?
02:59There's titties in Caddyshack.
03:00Of course there's titties in Caddyshack.
03:01I think, was Animal House PG-13?
03:03Yeah, Animal House has titties.
03:04Yeah.
03:05Yeah.
03:06Damn.
03:06You've never seen Caddyshack?
03:07I've only seen like the first hour of Caddyshack.
03:09I've never at all.
03:10That's plenty.
03:11There's titties in there?
03:12The first hour of Caddyshack's about 90% of Caddyshack.
03:15I feel like I want to see the titties.
03:17The titties are prominent in Caddyshack.
03:19Nips out.
03:20That's the nature of titty.
03:22You can't have titties in Caddyshack.
03:23Sometimes it's not titties, it's the shirt.
03:25Yeah, but that's, yeah, like Kirsten Dunst.
03:27But that's not what we're talking about.
03:28I gotta watch that back.
03:30Caddyshack?
03:30Yeah.
03:30It came out in 1980.
03:31It's 44 years old.
03:32There's spoilers, there's spoilers, there's spoilers.
03:35You've...
03:35I'll go back and watch it.
03:36It's a very key plot point, the titties.
03:39I just remember the big golf bag.
03:40That's it.
03:42I gotta go back and watch it.
03:43I'll go back and watch it.
03:44Last night, the Lakers got eliminated from the playoffs.
03:47Yes.
03:48What was that?
03:49I just hate communist LeBron.
03:51Why?
03:52Because he's a communist.
03:53He's not a communist.
03:54Why does people in this company think they have to suck Dave's dick
03:57by saying that they don't like LeBron?
03:58That's what you just did.
03:59I hated LeBron before Dave hated LeBron.
04:02As a Heat fan, you should love LeBron.
04:04Right.
04:05Miami LeBron was my goat.
04:08Loved him to death.
04:08Okay, he's still LeBron.
04:09But once he left Miami, he went full fucking communist.
04:12You got hired by Dave Portnoy, and now you, like all these other idiots around here,
04:16you ate all of his...
04:17No.
04:17Oh, he hates him?
04:18I hate him too.
04:18No, that's not...
04:19Look at me, Dave.
04:19I love Tiger Woods.
04:22He hates Tiger.
04:23I love Tiger.
04:24He's closed.
04:25Nobody hates Tiger Woods.
04:27All I'm saying, like, LeBron switched up.
04:28He went full woke, full communist.
04:30I don't fuck with him anymore.
04:31Seeing him cry and fucking...
04:34What do you even call that?
04:35Joel at fans is lame as fuck.
04:37In terms of flinch.
04:38Flinch.
04:39Let me ask you a question.
04:40Dwyane Wade, thoughts?
04:43Love him.
04:44Yeah?
04:44Do you?
04:46It's complicated.
04:46LeBron's too woke for you.
04:51Checkmate.
04:53That was easy.
04:56So LeBron and the Lakers are out.
04:58The Nuggets continue on.
05:00The Nuggets are very good.
05:02Will LeBron retire?
05:04Or, part two, will LeBron keep playing but not for the Lakers?
05:08Or part three, will LeBron keep playing for the Lakers?
05:11Me first?
05:12Yes.
05:12He's going to go back to Cleveland.
05:13You think?
05:14Yeah.
05:14He will end in Cleveland.
05:15I think so.
05:16I think it's time to go ahead and end everything.
05:18And if Cleveland promises to draft his son?
05:20You know what would be funny?
05:21I don't know if his son's draftable.
05:22I know, but if it gets you LeBron,
05:24it's like drafting Giannis' brother.
05:26Yeah.
05:26It's like me getting hired.
05:29You know, like, Bronny doesn't deserve to get drafted.
05:33But they're like, hey, you know, if we get LeBron while drafting
05:35Bronny, it's worth it.
05:38Who's your LeBron?
05:39I don't have a LeBron.
05:40You're just Bronny's Bronny.
05:42Orphan Bronny.
05:44So Miami Heat, you're a Miami Heat fan.
05:47Yeah, diehard.
05:48Got you hired.
05:49Yes.
05:50Now, it looks like the Celtics are going to handle business
05:52and run that series.
05:53If you had been given the choice,
05:57beat the Celtics, go on to win the NBA championship, or Heat,
06:02but if that happens, you have to lose your job, what do you do?
06:05Fuck no.
06:07No, I love this job too much to be honest.
06:08Would you lose your job for a Mississippi State?
06:11I think I would.
06:11For a national championship?
06:12For a national championship, yeah, that's different.
06:13I'd lose my mom for a national, yes.
06:15I've seen one, I've seen three times in the Heat win three.
06:18You'd lose your mom as in never speak to her again,
06:19or have her die?
06:20For a national championship?
06:21Yeah.
06:22In football?
06:22Yeah.
06:23Sorry, mom, you lived a good life.
06:25All right, what about basketball?
06:27Basketball, I'd keep my mom.
06:28What about, would you take her legs?
06:32I'd have to take both her legs, at the knees.
06:33Not full, but at the knees.
06:37I think that's more jarring to see than just all gone.
06:39Yeah, I'd rather my mom be gone than have no legs.
06:42No, no, no, I'd rather my mom be a torso than stubbed.
06:45No, I think stubbed is better than torso.
06:47I don't know, I think it's just jarring.
06:48Torso is way too jarring.
06:49Torso is more jarring than stubbed.
06:51Torso is like you have nothing here,
06:53like not even like the little limbs.
06:54If you got nubs, you can blanket,
06:56and you can create the illusion there's legs there.
06:58You can always-
06:59You got a torso, you're not covering that up.
07:00Yeah, I guess you could always prosthetic too.
07:03Yeah.
07:03Prosthetic technology is getting crazy.
07:04I've always wondered what torso people do at the beach.
07:07Bask.
07:08Get eaten.
07:09Yeah.
07:10Probably don't go to the beach.
07:11Don't go in the water.
07:12Butterfly stroke, probably.
07:13I don't think just torso people go in the water.
07:20No, I don't think they get crushed.
07:20If I was just torsoed,
07:22I would be upright and look like I'm buried.
07:24No, no, no, don't, don't.
07:26They probably fly down a lazy river though.
07:28Why do you think?
07:29Because they're just on the raft.
07:30Aerodynamic?
07:31Yeah, I guess just less, less of them.
07:37Has there ever been a professional wrestler
07:38that doesn't have a limb?
07:40Zach Allen once didn't have a leg.
07:42Once?
07:42Yeah, he was once a wrestler.
07:44Oh.
07:45He was once a wrestler.
07:46I thought it was just a gimmick, yeah.
07:472002, 2003, and he had a match against Vince McMahon.
07:50And I think Vince kicked his leg out.
07:52His fake leg.
07:53Yeah.
07:54Was Paul McCartney married to a woman with one leg?
07:56Uh, I don't, I don't know.
07:58I think he was.
07:59And if you're Paul McCartney,
08:00maybe the biggest rockstar in the world, like that.
08:03He's the one with the expensive ass divorce, right?
08:04Kanye rapped about his divorce.
08:06Did they?
08:07No, who rapped about it?
08:07Ask Paul McCartney.
08:10What song is that?
08:10Ask Paul McCartney.
08:12I don't know.
08:13It's a song, it's God damn it.
08:15The Pussy Too Expensive or something like that?
08:17I just feel like rappers always be rapping about
08:19expensive ass divorce.
08:20They really do.
08:21But, what am I talking about?
08:22I don't know.
08:23I don't know, but I think Paul McCartney
08:24was married to a woman.
08:25It's a rap all about how watch where,
08:27watch, divorce is expensive.
08:31Ask Paul McCartney.
08:32God damn it, I'll have to look it up after this.
08:35Anyway, where are we at?
08:37I don't know, dude.
08:38Divorce.
08:39Yeah, of course.
08:42Are you transitioning to now the Florida Panthers fan?
08:45Yeah, I mean, I've always been a Florida Panthers fan.
08:47No, you haven't.
08:47Yes, I have.
08:48Name seven Florida Panthers.
08:50Carter Verhage, we got Reinhardt.
08:52No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, stop.
08:54You're naming current Florida Panthers.
08:56Olly Okunin.
08:57One.
08:58Luongo.
08:59Two.
09:00Steven Weiss.
09:01I don't, is this right?
09:02Yager, probably.
09:03Yager, yep, we had Yager.
09:06That's four.
09:07Let me think.
09:08He probably puts him in the 1% of Florida Panthers fans.
09:10You're probably way over.
09:11There's a bunch, there's a bunch.
09:12I'm just, pressure's on right now.
09:14But I love the cats.
09:15I mean, look, I'm at a hockey stand,
09:17but like, I'm a hometown kid.
09:19I go to all the games all the time.
09:20You gonna make the Bruins?
09:21Yeah, we'll smack them up.
09:22What's your job on the line?
09:23Hell no.
09:24I've already gabled that shit once.
09:27Yeah, but you won.
09:27You had nothing to lose, right?
09:28Yeah, you weren't gambling.
09:29Yeah, I had nothing, but now I feel like.
09:30Gambling a tattoo that nobody would have seen.
09:31Yeah, I know, but still,
09:32it would have been a tattoo on my ass
09:34that said Dave was right,
09:34that I'd have to explain for the rest of my life.
09:36And you would have delighted in explaining it.
09:38Yeah, that right there from Dave Portnoy, Barstool.
09:40Yeah.
09:41Also, you're hairy Italian ass.
09:42They wouldn't be able to see it.
09:43Yeah, I would have covered that shit right up.
09:46Why are you, why are you dressed like that?
09:47Dressed like a dealer.
09:48Summertime vibes, baby.
09:50It's April 30th.
09:51I know, which means May's tomorrow.
09:53Houston Dunst's birthday.
09:54Yes, it is.
09:56You like this fit?
09:57No, you should see Wimbledon.
09:58It really is good.
09:59Okay.
10:00Shockingly good sports movie.
10:01It's got Paul Bettany in it.
10:03Oh, nice.
10:05Do you know what that girl that plays Spider-Man?
10:06Yes, Dunst.
10:07Is she in Elizabethtown?
10:08Hold on.
10:09Did you just ask?
10:10That's why we're talking about it.
10:11The one that dates fucking-
10:13Kirsten Dunst.
10:14She dates the guy that-
10:15She dates Spider-Man, right?
10:16No, she dates the guy that killed the kid in Breaking Bad.
10:20Who I'm thinking of.
10:20Who lost a lot of weight.
10:22Who's the girl that plays Mary Jane in the new Spider-Man?
10:24In the new Spider-Man?
10:25Yeah, like the new ones that have been coming out.
10:27Zendaya.
10:28Yeah, yeah, okay.
10:29So Kirsten Dunst is not Zendaya.
10:30No.
10:31That's correct.
10:32Okay, all right.
10:33Never has been.
10:34Not Kirsten.
10:36The I comes before the R.
10:38Kirsten.
10:38Like me sitting beside you.
10:40Got it.
10:43What else?
10:44Thank you.
10:45I thought that was good.
10:46Thanks.
10:47That was good.
10:48Ooh!
10:49That was on-
10:50What about the Dolphins logo?
10:52This Dolphins logo is floating around-
10:54It is the dumbest thing I've ever seen.
10:55You're a logo guy.
10:56Yeah.
10:57First of all, as the number one Dolphins fan here-
11:01You said what?
11:02The Dolphins-
11:03Top two.
11:05Can I finish?
11:05Yeah, go ahead.
11:06Oh, yuck.
11:07That looks like-
11:08Smokes.
11:09Is that vintage?
11:10Is that like a throwback?
11:11No, this is just dog shit.
11:13You haven't been anywhere today.
11:14How is your pit?
11:15That's stained already.
11:16Leave me alone, I get bad pit sweats.
11:18It's 1030 in the morning.
11:20It's cold in here.
11:21That doesn't make you sweat.
11:23Yes, it does.
11:25Oh, you're drenched, dude.
11:27Dude, that's why I kept my arms down the whole time.
11:29It's the mixture between nicotine and the coffee
11:31makes me sweat.
11:32And then if I brush my teeth too hard, I get nauseous.
11:35It's a long story.
11:37Sorry.
11:38Are you like brushing your tongue too hard?
11:39I think I am.
11:40Because every time after I do it-
11:41Oh, you're done for.
11:42I get nauseous.
11:43You're toast after doing that.
11:44Let's go back.
11:45First of all-
11:46Dolphins logo.
11:46I sweated because it was too cold.
11:48Then it was the coffee.
11:49And then it's-
11:51You're just sweaty, dude.
11:52I guess so, yeah.
11:54So there's this Dolphins logo floating around.
11:57First of all-
11:57It's better than their current.
11:58As the number one Dolphins fan in the world,
12:01their current logo has been an abomination for a decade.
12:03I hate their current logo.
12:05It looks like a web browser logo.
12:06Every fan of the Dolphins has wanted to go back
12:08to the old logo for a decade.
12:09The helmet.
12:10And now they throw this alternate logo at us?
12:11Yeah.
12:12Worse than everything?
12:13I think that's better than their current.
12:15I don't like too modern.
12:16This is bad.
12:17That's really bad.
12:18Bad, but it's not as-
12:20Current just doesn't fit football.
12:22Current looks like a junior high debate team logo.
12:25It's something.
12:26It's not that.
12:27It looks like a deformed seagull.
12:29Does it?
12:30A deformed what?
12:32Seagull.
12:32Seagull.
12:33Yeah, Seagull.
12:34Like the guy that was in Above the Law?
12:35No, like the bird.
12:36No, you were Jason.
12:37That's better.
12:37I was going Steven Seagal.
12:38Seagal.
12:39Yeah.
12:40Seagull is-
12:41The new logo sucks and whatever that thing is
12:42that they cooked up is the biggest piece of garbage
12:43I've ever seen in my entire life.
12:45Would you disavow if the logo's too bad?
12:46If they make that the logo,
12:48I will not root for the Dolphins.
12:49I will not watch it.
12:50I will not buy a single piece of merchandise.
12:52Where do you go?
12:53Jacksonville?
12:53No, I just watch the NFL from afar.
12:57And then me and Frank camp outside the front office
12:59with pitchforks.
13:00I don't think Frank is going to be on board with you
13:01for giving up the Dolphins.
13:03So you're speaking for Frank in this-
13:04I don't know.
13:05Frank gave up the Nets.
13:06We would never give them up.
13:08I'm saying we would-
13:09You just said you would.
13:11Yeah, but I don't actually mean that.
13:12Brandon, could there be a logo so bad
13:14that would make you disavow your team?
13:18I think that's a-
13:18I think it's possible.
13:19I think it's possible.
13:21I don't think it's possible.
13:21It would be embarrassing to rep.
13:23That logo is bad enough where,
13:25but no, I don't think, like,
13:26the team that has my heart the most,
13:28Mississippi State,
13:29I don't know that they could,
13:30outside of pulling an Ole Miss
13:32and doing the Confederate flag,
13:33I wouldn't-
13:34I mean, yeah.
13:35I mean, it's not like there's a stellar right now.
13:37Just as, it's an M.
13:39We got away from the M.
13:40Do you do cursive state now?
13:42Or like, that's better.
13:43Yeah, cursive state.
13:44What's cursive state?
13:46That's the word state in cursive writing.
13:48Oh, okay.
13:49Got it.
13:50So it's just cursive state.
13:51Could you write a word in cursive?
13:53I can write my name and last name.
13:56If I gave you a sentence,
13:57could you write it in cursive?
13:58Probably not.
13:59What would the sentence be?
14:00As long as there's no Z's or Q's.
14:02Yeah.
14:03I would do like a Z.
14:03A Z-less word.
14:04I can do a Z.
14:05I can't do a Q.
14:06The-
14:07Q's easy.
14:09Z's easy.
14:09No, Z's tough.
14:11No, do, do, do, do.
14:12Oh.
14:13Oh, it's kind of wide.
14:14It's right here and then down and up.
14:16It's wide.
14:17What's the Z?
14:18That's what we're doing.
14:18It's down,
14:19then a little curve there,
14:20and then the rest of it's Y.
14:23Oh, okay.
14:23What's the Q?
14:24What's the lowercase Q?
14:25I think it's just this.
14:27And then you just kind of loop it up.
14:28Oh, that's easy.
14:29Yeah.
14:30And the big cursive Q is the two looking thing, right?
14:32It's like a two.
14:33Yeah, big, yeah.
14:34I don't like that.
14:35What's your favorite big cursive letter?
14:36I like G and S.
14:37And L's obviously great.
14:40L's amazing.
14:40L's beautiful.
14:41It's L.
14:42Yeah.
14:43It's gotta be.
14:44I mean, L's fun.
14:45And I do my L like the Laverne and Shirley logo.
14:45Yeah.
14:46Oh, yeah.
14:47Oh, I get fancy with my cursive F.
14:49Really?
14:50Yeah.
14:51And I'll tie that knot.
14:52I'll tie my ribbon.
14:53Oh, you tie the knot?
14:53Yeah.
14:55Cursive.
14:56I bust it out every once in a while.
14:57Could you write a sentence in cursive?
14:58I exclusively write in cursive.
15:00Really?
15:01Go look at my notes for the day show.
15:01He's all in cursive.
15:02I feel like anyone born before 1950, that's what they do.
15:05Before 1950?
15:06Yeah.
15:07About that.
15:08Not really accurate.
15:09Do your kids know cursive?
15:10They teach it?
15:11I don't think so.
15:12I don't think they teach it anymore.
15:13Yeah, I don't think it's old.
15:14Damn.
15:16Yes, I write 100% in cursive.
15:18Nice.
15:20All right, let's see what else the topics are.
15:22We had LeBron, we had the Celtics, we had-
15:25We didn't talk Celtics, did we?
15:26Did we?
15:27No.
15:28Well, Celtics didn't-
15:29They blew us out, yeah.
15:30But I did get one boat day out of Hank.
15:33Oh, for one win.
15:33Yeah, you want to come on?
15:34With Hank?
15:35Oh, he invited-
15:36I have an open invite.
15:37No, no, no, this is my pool.
15:38This is like my boat day.
15:39I'll probably be there.
15:40But he has a bunch of boat days.
15:41Yeah, no, you have unlimited.
15:43I'm just saying, I only have one.
15:44Do you want to come on my day?
15:45I think that's going to be the one day.
15:47That you're not going to be here?
15:48Yeah, I'm going to be so sunburned
15:49from all my other boat days.
15:50I feel you, it's all right.
15:52Um, Jerry Seinfeld.
15:55Yeah.
15:55Jerry Seinfeld celebrates his 70th birthday
15:57by going on New York radio
15:59and complaining about how the extreme left
16:01has ruined comedy.
16:04Yes.
16:05I don't know, man,
16:05because they're really fun to make fun of.
16:07They are.
16:08They've almost helped comedy.
16:10They are, but I want to see exactly what he said.
16:14It's in this Barstool blog right here.
16:16He said Seinfeld couldn't be made today,
16:18which seems to be the default.
16:20I feel like Seinfeld could be made today.
16:22Also like-
16:23I didn't watch Seinfeld.
16:24It seems like it could be made today.
16:25The thing is, I think all the Seinfeld jokes have been made.
16:29You just kind of have to make new jokes.
16:31Seinfeld can't be made today
16:33because then it would just be Seinfeld
16:35and that's already made.
16:36Isn't, isn't-
16:37Wow.
16:38Yeah.
16:39So, um-
16:40Yeah, it can't be made today.
16:42Because it's already been made.
16:43Yeah.
16:44It's a copycat.
16:44Yeah, no shit, Jer.
16:47Wait, this is just fucking Seinfeld.
16:50This already exists.
16:52John Mulaney tried that with his show.
16:53Do you remember-
16:54Man, Jer, he's laziest.
16:55He just put out Seinfeld.
16:58Yeah, he's absolutely right.
16:59It couldn't be made today.
17:00Because it's already made.
17:02Far Left's coming out one of our own right now.
17:04Biz.
17:05No, Wit.
17:06It's Wit?
17:07Who posted that, Biz or Wit?
17:09Yeah, because the animated bear didn't have consent?
17:12I don't know.
17:13That's kind of wild.
17:14That's insane.
17:15That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen.
17:16It's cartoon bears, yeah.
17:18Yeah.
17:19Do you think bears ask for consent in the wild
17:21or are they just fucking?
17:22Animals don't ask for consent.
17:23Yeah.
17:25I think cartoon bears often do.
17:26Winnie the Pooh certainly has never had consent.
17:28Winnie's a power bottom.
17:31But, like, Yogi.
17:34Yogi ain't asking.
17:38If you're in danger, if you're a Jellystone baby.
17:46Yeah, wait, let's tier the bears
17:47based on asking for consent.
17:48Smokey.
17:50Smokey, yes.
17:51Smokey.
17:52Smokey, yes.
17:53Smokey's a law enforcement officer.
17:54Smokey is certainly.
17:55Yeah, but those are the biggest crooks in the world.
17:57Smokey's asking.
17:58He's hate paranoid about a little bit of fucking animals.
18:00Yeah, Smokey can't handle the PR hit.
18:02No.
18:03Yogi, hell no.
18:06Fozzie.
18:08Waka Waka, no.
18:10Hell no.
18:14Why can't I?
18:17Let's see.
18:18Was Baloo a bear?
18:20Baloo was a bear.
18:21Baloo is.
18:22He goofy, unless he's, like, drunk.
18:24But then, like, Baloo's middle, like, C-tier.
18:28Black bear?
18:29What's black bear?
18:29The rapper?
18:30Yeah, no, just the bear.
18:32That's not a fictional character.
18:34Oh, we're going, yeah,
18:35because that's what Biz did.
18:36I mean, we're.
18:37Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
18:38They're really, I thought there'd be more bears.
18:40Biz is catching some strays here.
18:41Like, he didn't do anything to anybody.
18:42No, well, he probably did.
18:45There's something.
18:46We'll get to it.
18:48Biz did something that's evergreen.
18:51Let's see.
18:52Just one month into the season,
18:53MLB announces they're changing their new uniforms.
18:56They have the Nike brand of uniforms this season.
18:58They all got roasted.
18:59You can see the dicks.
19:00You can see their dick and balls.
19:02Every fold, you can see what their religion is.
19:05The letters are too small.
19:07The letters are too small.
19:08Just everything's wrong with them.
19:09The nameplates on the back are comically small.
19:12Here's my problem with this.
19:14They announced by next year, they're gonna fix it.
19:18Next year, they won't have these uniforms.
19:19They got Nike, Fanatics, these huge companies.
19:21Switch it now.
19:22Switch it now.
19:23Why can't you switch it now?
19:24They're letting it go through the whole season.
19:25Yeah, I think they said in 2025, they will have fixed it.
19:28But, Brandon, you're a collector of memorabilia.
19:31I am.
19:32Does a part of you want these one-year awful jerseys?
19:34Some see-through.
19:35Yeah.
19:36The shirts and pants didn't match.
19:37Yeah, I don't care now, but in five years, I will.
19:39MLB completely threw Nike under the bus
19:42with their statement.
19:42Well, they kind of had to,
19:43because, I mean, look at their fucking uniforms.
19:45See the Reds guy the other night?
19:47He had a dark gray shirt and light gray pants.
19:49They just don't match.
19:50They just don't match.
19:52Yeah.
19:53I mean, players have been wearing their older jerseys,
19:55trying to sneak them out.
19:56Bryce Harper did.
19:57Did he?
19:58Yeah.
19:59That's crazy.
20:00Would you buy a piece of memorabilia, like the pants,
20:02if it had the dick outline on it?
20:04Game point.
20:05I feel like that would make it worth more.
20:06It would definitely make it more expensive.
20:07Yeah, it depends on the dick, too.
20:08Like, I'm not buying-
20:09Like, if you get Bryce Harper's dick outline
20:10in the pants.
20:11I'm not buying D'Ansby Swanson's dick.
20:12Why not?
20:13I'll buy Mike Trout's dick.
20:14Yeah.
20:16Yeah.
20:16And I would probably buy D'Ansby Swanson's dick, too.
20:17You would.
20:18Yeah.
20:21George Santos.
20:22Remember him?
20:23Not really.
20:24Tell me what George Santos is famous for, real quick.
20:27I know he was in politics.
20:30New York.
20:31Yeah, I think so.
20:33That's all I got.
20:34Liar.
20:34That's enough.
20:35All he did was lie.
20:36You're ahead of most people.
20:37Maybe one of the funnier people of all time.
20:38Yeah.
20:39When George Santos is reviving
20:41his Brazilian drag queen persona, Katara Ravish,
20:46on Cameo.
20:47So, you're a big drag queen guy.
20:48You can now get George Santos on Cameo.
20:51Can't wait.
20:52Just his drag alter ego.
20:56I think so.
20:58Okay.
20:59For $350-
21:00That's the seat Billy's trying to get.
21:02For $350, you're gonna have a personalized message
21:04from Katara Ravish.
21:05I feel like Anus is gonna do that.
21:08I feel like that, yeah.
21:09I feel like that a lot.
21:11We'll see.
21:14What would your drag queen name be?
21:16We've talked about this.
21:17I think mine would be Nick La Pussy.
21:20What about you, Walker?
21:22I thought yours was Nick La Pussy.
21:23It is Nick La Pussy.
21:24Yeah.
21:25I don't remember what I said.
21:26Did we do that on this-
21:27We did that on Mostly Sports.
21:28The last rundown we did.
21:29We did it on Mostly Sports.
21:29Oh, really?
21:30Yeah.
21:31I thought we did it here.
21:32I don't know.
21:33What would yours be?
21:34What has yours been?
21:36Nicholas Clitoris.
21:37That's pretty good.
21:39It's pretty good.
21:40That's kind of Ryan.
21:40That's all I could think of off the top of my head.
21:42Nicky Clit.
21:43Nicky Clit.
21:43Nicky Clit's good.
21:44I like that.
21:46Wow, okay.
21:48Cosmetic trend, vampire facials are giving patients AIDS.
21:51That's a hell of a sentence I just said.
21:53AIDS is one of the last things you want, in my opinion.
21:56It's one of the last things you can get, right?
21:57Like, AIDS aren't, are AIDS still around?
22:00Yeah.
22:01They are.
22:01I feel like that's a lame way to get AIDS.
22:03Like, I'd rather get AIDS from fucking
22:04than a face transplant.
22:05I think any way to get AIDS would probably be lame.
22:08Yeah.
22:09Is there a cool way to get AIDS?
22:11Like, you do a kick flip over a volcano
22:12and land on a needle.
22:14Ah, fuck.
22:16With all your big muscles out.
22:18Oh, no.
22:19You gotta hear this story about how I got AIDS.
22:22It was fucking crazy.
22:24I was at Mount Vesuvius, right?
22:26You know, they don't just let anybody go there.
22:31Yeah, so I guess the vampire facials
22:32are you're getting blood on your face, right?
22:34Because a lot of people think there's like
22:35healing properties in blood, blood flow.
22:37Well, let me see.
22:38The cosmetic process known as vampire facial
22:39is considered to be a more affordable
22:41and less invasive option than getting a facelift.
22:43Process involves drawing blood from the patient's arm,
22:46separating the blood into its components
22:48of plasma and cells,
22:49then re-injecting it back into the patient's face.
22:51So if it's always your blood,
22:52then how are you getting AIDS?
22:53You start at AIDS.
22:54Unless they're not cleaning the equipment properly.
22:56Correct.
22:57It's meant to reduce faceline and signs of aging,
22:58as well as treating acne scars and skin damage
23:00from prolonged exposure to the sun.
23:02Vampire facials have now been linked to AIDS
23:04as at least three women appear to have contracted HIV
23:07from receiving vampire facials from a spa in New Mexico.
23:10Any chance these girls are just hookers, strippers, whores?
23:13Trying to stay young.
23:14I guess there's a chance.
23:15Yeah, I mean, is it an actual,
23:17are you going to an actual doctor's office to get these?
23:20Doesn't sound like it.
23:21No, they had to go to New Mexico too.
23:24That does seem like if you want to get AIDS,
23:25you go to New Mexico.
23:26You think it's-
23:27Meth and AIDS, yeah.
23:28Yeah.
23:29I don't even know what New Mexico is known for
23:30besides Breaking Bad.
23:32Yeah, meth.
23:33It's meth.
23:34Chili peppers?
23:35Not the red hot chili peppers,
23:36but just chili peppers.
23:37You like chili peppers?
23:38Yeah, they're all right.
23:39I think, is that the biggest band to worst name ratio?
23:43We've done this before too.
23:44Have we done that?
23:46Maybe it was just me and you on text.
23:47I don't know if we've-
23:48Mm-hmm.
23:49It's like, that's not a good band name.
23:51No.
23:51But they're a huge band.
23:55Red hot chili peppers.
23:56I can't name one of their songs.
23:58What?
23:58Come on.
24:00Give me an example.
24:01Under the Bridge, Californication.
24:02How's it go?
24:03Danny California.
24:03Danny California.
24:04Snow.
24:05Californication.
24:08Give it away now.
24:09Give it away.
24:11Yeah, okay, okay, I got it.
24:12All right, yeah, I know that one.
24:13That's a good one.
24:13Suck My Kiss.
24:16That's a song?
24:17Yeah, Suck My Kiss.
24:17Suck My Kiss.
24:18Is Kiss a good band name?
24:20I think it's good.
24:21All right.
24:22Aerosmith is a great band name.
24:24Great band name.
24:24That's a great band name.
24:25ACDC?
24:26Decent.
24:27I don't know if that's a good band name.
24:28Good logo.
24:29Pearl Jam's a bad band name, isn't it?
24:31But not as bad as Red Hot Chili Peppers.
24:34Coldplay, awful band name.
24:37I agree with Brandon.
24:38I would rather be in a band called Coldplay.
24:40Like, imagine nobody knows who your band is,
24:42and they're just like, what's your band called?
24:43And you have to tell them Red Hot Chili Peppers?
24:45I think Red Hot Chili Peppers is better than Coldplay.
24:48What was that band that was all geeked up on heroin
24:50they made a movie about?
24:51Every band.
24:52Motley Crue?
24:53Yes.
24:54Cool band name.
24:55I think that one's good.
24:57Yeah.
24:58What's up, JJ?
25:00All right, all right.
25:01I think they're the most successful.
25:02That's just a name.
25:03That's neither here nor there.
25:05Eagles a bad band name?
25:06That's a name?
25:07It's basic.
25:08The Eagles?
25:09Never heard of them.
25:09The Eagles?
25:10Hotel California.
25:11The Eagles?
25:12Maybe.
25:13What about The Beatles?
25:14The Eagles?
25:15I've never heard of them.
25:16Is The Who a good band name?
25:20It's cheeky.
25:21Yeah.
25:23To me, it's a one-note joke.
25:25And I don't think it'll last.
25:26Pink Floyd a good band name?
25:27No.
25:28I think that's good.
25:29You think so?
25:30Yeah.
25:31Rolling Stones is a good band name.
25:32What's a bad band name?
25:33Fountains of Wayne.
25:34But they weren't that big.
25:34What about Maroon 5?
25:36Huh?
25:37Maroon 5?
25:37Shut up.
25:38Bad band.
25:39I don't like.
25:40You don't think they're a band?
25:42They are a band.
25:43Okay.
25:44Is Blink-182 a good band name?
25:45I don't think so.
25:46I don't think so either.
25:47Is Green Day a good band name?
25:48Yeah.
25:48That's it.
25:49So how do we separate them?
25:51Aerosmith's a great band name.
25:52Aerosmith's the best band name.
25:53Metallica.
25:54Metallica's a great band name.
25:55Yeah.
25:57All right.
25:58All right.
25:59Speaking of nothing at all,
26:01after show,
26:03so KFC and Roan, huh?
26:05Holy moly.
26:06Yeah.
26:07Love it.
26:07I like KFC.
26:08I like Roan.
26:09Of course, I'm not going to sit here and take sides,
26:11but I'm not going to piss Roan off anytime soon.
26:13Nope.
26:14That was good and mean.
26:17Yeah.
26:18Yeah.
26:18Very mean.
26:19It was good and mean.
26:20Yeah.
26:21Do you think they're going to be like
26:22buddy-buddy after this?
26:23I think they're probably fine.
26:23I think KFC probably liked that.
26:25I think they're probably like professional wrestlers.
26:26Like you do to me what you got to do to me.
26:28Yeah.
26:29And we shake hands and we're all good.
26:30Probably.
26:31I think we'll see Roan dust it off.
26:32Yeah.
26:33Yeah.
26:34Sometimes you got to be reminded
26:35what you're dealing with.
26:36That line that he dropped about people only
26:37watch their show like a hockey game.
26:39They're just there for the fights.
26:41That was a fucking bar.
26:42Sick.
26:43See, I don't understand that
26:44because they don't fight on that show.
26:46No, wordplay.
26:47Fights and fight sound the same.
26:49He's saying everyone watches their-
26:50See, that one didn't make sense
26:51because that's spelled different.
26:52But that's how you're supposed to do it.
26:53He's talking about the fights though.
26:54No, but like that's the wordplay of the rap.
26:57I thought that was the meaning of the bar.
26:58I don't think you get it.
26:59No, you don't get the bar.
27:02He gets it perfectly because he's talking about
27:03fights, F-E-I-T.
27:04Hockey fights.
27:05Hockey fights.
27:06He's comparing their show to hockey fights
27:07because people only watch it for the fights.
27:09Just like how people only watch his show for fights.
27:11But they don't fight.
27:12Feidelberg.
27:14That's fights.
27:15That doesn't even rhyme.
27:16Feidelberg doesn't rhyme.
27:17You guys are trolling me.
27:17You guys get the wordplay.
27:18You guys get the wordplay.
27:19You're being fucking cocks.
27:22All right.
27:23That's a run there.
27:24Yep.
27:25All right.
27:31All right.
27:32All right.
27:32All right.
27:33All right.
27:34All right.
27:35All right.
27:36All right.
27:37All right.
27:37All right.
27:38All right.
27:39All right.
27:40All right.
27:41All right.
27:42All right.
27:42All right.
27:43All right.
27:44All right.
27:45All right.
27:46All right.
27:47All right.
27:47All right.
27:48All right.
27:49All right.
27:50All right.
27:51All right.
27:52All right.
27:52All right.
27:53All right.
27:54All right.
27:55All right.
27:56All right.
27:57All right.
27:57All right.
27:58All right.
27:59All right.