Stefan Molyneux
Stefan Molyneux
  • 7 months ago
27 February 2024 Flash Livestream

How do you escape a constant cycle of rewarding and punshing yourself, all the while getting nowhere in life?

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Transcript
00:00 Well, I just had a call with a young fellow and I think there were enough
00:04 Principles at play here that it was worth telling you what happened in the call
00:10 unfortunately, we couldn't complete the call because
00:13 He decided to do a call-in with me on a speakerphone by a gas station in his car
00:19 And that you know
00:21 If you're gonna do a call-in in general, I would prefer if you had reasonably decent audio because otherwise the post-processing is
00:28 Quite quite a challenge. But anyway, so the issue was he's a young man in his early to mid 20s and
00:33 He is unmotivated. He wants to go to the gym. He doesn't go to the gym. He wants to stop buying
00:39 Coffees at a convenience store. He keeps buying coffees at a convenience store
00:43 he's frustrated and down on himself and angry with himself calls himself lazy and and so on and
00:50 Of course I asked him if it was a fair way to characterize it and what we do we do all of this
00:58 to some degree what we do is
01:00 We give ourselves rewards and punishments for good or bad behavior
01:05 I was talking about this with regards to the John Fowles classic novel called the Magus or the Magus we give ourselves
01:11 Points for good or bad behavior. Oh, I did well this week. I deserve a treat. Oh
01:18 I didn't do what I said. I was going to do I didn't do what I was supposed to do. I'm a bad person
01:24 the bribe and punishment
01:27 paradigm of
01:29 human
01:30 Motivation and so I asked the young man. Where do you think this came from?
01:35 Or where do you think this mindset comes from?
01:37 He did kind of fog out quite a bit, but it turns out that what happened was
01:42 Or at least the central thing that came to his mind was that his father when he was young
01:47 Would tell him that he had to do he had to be the best in school
01:50 He had to do well in school. And if he didn't do well in school
01:54 Then his father would yell at him with apparently some odd humor
01:59 But would be quite aggressive towards him and would say it's bad. You need to do better. You need to be the best
02:04 You need to be the best
02:07 Now I'm all down for obviously big ambitions. That's all kinds of fine with me. You want to be the best?
02:14 Yeah, aim for them to be the best. Why not if you're gonna do something why not aim to be the best at what you do?
02:19 but
02:20 The problem is I said so your father was really focused on excellence, right? Yes had to be the best. Okay
02:28 but you in your 20s are
02:32 Unmotivated a huge underachiever
02:35 Constantly rewarding and punishing yourself and getting nowhere in life. He said I said, is that an accurate?
02:40 Representation of your situation and he said yes
02:44 and I said so was your father who was all about being the best and excellence was your father an
02:50 excellent father
02:53 Mmm
02:54 Those are the solid
02:56 Wrecking-ball detonation statements that I suppose I'm kind of known for
03:00 Because if your parents are really into excellence
03:04 Then is not the first thing they should be excellent at
03:08 his parenting and yet
03:13 mostly parents who are
03:15 Focused on excellence are focused on vanity monkey brain performance of their children. Ah
03:21 straight-a student
03:23 4.0 GPA valedictorian captain of the lacrosse team Queen cheerleader all this stuff
03:29 It's be good
03:32 Be good at stuff
03:34 So I look good is a lot of parenting a lot of the sort of tiger mom style be good at stuff
03:41 so I look good and
03:43 if you don't do well, I
03:47 Feel bad if you do well, I feel good and therefore you must
03:53 Get good grades in order to manage my emotions in order to manage my feelings
04:00 you must please me so that I feel good and
04:05 pleasing me is
04:08 for a lot of parents
04:10 giving the parents
04:12 bragging rights. Oh
04:14 My gosh, do I remember this from my childhood my mother?
04:19 Was quite a bit into
04:21 bragging rights
04:24 My writing talent was recognized pretty early on and when I was in grade 8, I was put into a special writing class
04:31 For the best writers there was I don't know six of us in the whole school and all the other it was actually a grade
04:38 13 credit so I was like five years I was put five years ahead
04:41 right, so I was a 13 year old in a class for 18 year olds as a writer and
04:46 I remember one cynical fellow. Oh, it still
04:50 Sits deep in my brain like a splinter in the mind's eye. I
04:54 wrote a poem about space
04:57 the depths and horrors of
04:59 Space right the silent spaces of these the silence of these infinite spaces terrifies my mind as an old Pascal quote from Ponce's
05:06 I wrote a poem about space and
05:10 When I had finished the poem which I was quite passionate about
05:13 one cynical young wag
05:16 whistled
05:18 that little theme from Star Trek
05:20 right and
05:22 That was I wouldn't say it was crushing because I've never been one to be much crushed
05:27 But I just remember thinking wow, that is breathtakingly cynical here. You have a
05:33 13 year old kid sharing a poem. He's very passionate about and you mock him
05:38 It was actually not a bad poem. I read it again some years later and it's like yeah
05:42 It wasn't wasn't bad at all. It wasn't cheesy. It was you know, pretty pretty passionate pretty deep and
05:46 The only feedback he could provide
05:49 was pretending
05:51 That it was a piece of cheesy science fiction. Oh
05:54 You wonder where that guy is now. He'd be 62. He'd be 62 now when he was 18 back
06:02 then
06:04 So my mother bragged of course all of her friends that I was
06:07 Taking a grade 13 class when I was only in grade 8
06:12 Also, I took night courses in computer science that were adults. My mother would be always like oh
06:20 He's taking adult computer science classes, and she was just very very keen on the bragging rights of my intellect
06:26 which of course makes you want to recoil a
06:31 Little bit right because if you're used as a vanity prop
06:34 You want to avoid that?
06:37 Experience because it's feeding the worst in your parents and tempting the worst in yourself
06:43 Which is to look competent not to be good. I don't say to be competent to look competent rather than be good and
06:51 of course
06:53 My mother taking pride in something she well, I shouldn't say she never nurtured. No, I got to be fair about that
06:59 I got to be fair about that. So when I was I guess 13 or 14 my step-grandmother died
07:04 I got a little bit of inheritance and my mother chipped in some extra in order to get me a
07:10 computer with a proper keyboard
07:12 There was the Atari 400 which had a membrane keyboard and she wanted me and also for herself because she did word processing as well
07:18 to have a proper keyboard
07:20 So we got the Atari 800 the Atari 400
07:24 So called because it had 4k of RAM the Atari 800 had 8k of RAM
07:28 Which meant it could do graphics 8 or g dot gr dot 8
07:31 There were all these short forms because there was only a certain amount of I think it was two lines of programming
07:36 That you could put in in basic, but there were all of these short terms gr dot was graphics. So you set the graphics
07:42 so
07:43 She did help a little bit here and there and she did later
07:47 She did take interest in my writing when I was an adult and that was that was good. That was good
07:53 So I was saying to the young man
07:55 Why he says it was very important for me to be good in school. Well, why why was it important for you to be good?
08:01 in school and
08:02 This is a general question to everyone here and everyone listening to this
08:05 Across the world down through the ages. I'm always aware of the silent amphitheater of the future
08:12 but why
08:14 why
08:16 Do you want to be good at something? Why do you want to get straight A's? Why do you want to do these things?
08:24 Because if you are lacking motivation, you can either try and bribe and bully yourself. Oh
08:29 You went to the gym. You deserve a treat. Let's get a protein bar. We like those
08:35 All you didn't go to the gym. You're just lazy lazy lazy
08:38 Guy, you never get to get anywhere never gonna get anything done in life
08:42 If you can't even make it to the gym, right? So that's just bribing and bullying and that's fundamentally statism, right and
08:49 Schoolism which is early form of statism and I said so the the important thing is to be curious
08:55 Why am I unmotivated?
08:59 Why do I want to do the things I'm telling myself to do?
09:03 now if
09:05 You do things
09:07 Because you've internalized
09:09 praise and punishment and I'm thinking about this stuff in particular because I'm off sugar, right and
09:17 I can't and I still have this impulse. Oh, I worked really hard today. I'm gonna go get a treat
09:23 Right, like I'm a dog
09:26 Like I'm a dolphin with a herring. Oh good good. Good philosopher. Good good Baldy. Well, then excellent kibbles. Come on. Good good
09:34 Good job. Who's a good boy? Who's a good philosopher?
09:36 Right, it's crazy. I'm 57 years old and I'm still trying to puppy train my own
09:43 intellectual
09:45 Discretions, it's wild
09:47 So yeah, I'm thinking about this stuff because being off sugar. I can't treat myself in that traditional way
09:51 And again, I was not a big sugar guy, but you know, it certainly happened, right?
09:54 Now my big treat is a bowl of sugar-free yogurts and a few berries
10:01 Yum, actually, it's it's pretty good. I think my taste buds have improved since going off sugar. I mean they've become more sensitive
10:09 So I said why do you you know and then the question was going to go from we couldn't continue the call or complete the call
10:16 But my question was going to go from
10:18 Why did you want to do well in school? The school is a very artificial environment with very external cues, right?
10:25 I mean, there's very few people in school
10:28 Who enjoy studying the subjects because of the subjects?
10:32 There's very few people in school who enjoy studying the subjects because of the subjects now
10:36 I remember I was very into sharks when I was younger and I
10:41 Even wrote to the shark Institute in Sarasota, Florida in my mid-teens hoping to get a job
10:47 never heard back understandable, but painful and
10:50 I
10:52 Remember when we were studying sharks in grade six. It was part of our biology or whatever
10:57 I was thrilled excited and spent half the class with my hand stuck in the air wanting to add to what the teacher was saying
11:02 and being it was actually, you know, it's the kind of
11:05 It's kind of thing that that if you know, if you know subject deeply and you have your average teacher
11:10 You realize just how little the average teacher knows. I mean the average teacher was when he was doing lectures on sharks
11:18 Was regularly getting quite a bit of it wrong because I'd read probably 20 books on sharks by that point
11:24 And he's just getting stuff wrong and he wouldn't call on me to correct him. Of course, right?
11:29 So when you know a subject deeply you realize the teachers are mostly making stuff up and full of crap
11:35 And even if they know the subject well, they don't know how to motivate people
11:38 And of course, I was really into sharks because at that point in my life had a predatory unconscious that I needed to tame and master
11:45 It was my raskolnikov phase
11:47 Which went on for a couple of years, I think
11:50 So why why do you want to be good in school? I'm not saying it's a bad thing to be good in school
11:56 I mean you got a pass or whatever it is, but I never took any particular pride of being good at school. I
12:01 actually
12:03 Viewed it as a little bit shameful to be overly keen on school
12:08 I mean I had really cynical friends that went way further than that, but for me it was
12:13 You know the apple polishes the teachers pets the keeners. Oh
12:18 Could we get some extra? Well, yeah, you know this the the the the apple polishes we call them, right?
12:23 I wasn't a thumbtack on the teachers chair
12:26 But I also wasn't an apple polisher because I viewed it as vaguely shameful
12:29 To jump through all the hoops that were put forward and I jumped through the hoops, but I didn't do so with eagerness
12:35 I didn't do so thinking it was the good. Yeah, I gotta memorize this crap. I gotta spew that stuff
12:42 I've got to read this book
12:43 I've got to study that because if I don't you'll hold me back and I'll lose a year of my life
12:48 So you got me hostage. So I will I didn't Stockholm syndrome put the schools at all. Like I was just aware
12:55 Okay, I got a I got it - it was more than just the bare minimum because some of the stuff that was done in school
13:00 Overlapped with things that I wanted to do like I liked reading books and so reading books and writing book reports was was good
13:06 And I remember I think it was in in grade 13
13:09 I even voluntarily took exams my marks if your marks were high enough
13:12 You didn't need to take the exams, but I took the exams anyway, because I enjoyed the practice in the process
13:17 and I remember I had a teacher who wanted our favorite songs the lyrics and our thoughts about them and I I
13:23 Did a lengthy analysis of Pink Floyd's song on the wall called the trial
13:28 fills me with the urge to defecate and
13:32 She found my analysis so compelling that she
13:36 Demanded or didn't demand she requested quite emphatically that I give her a tape recording of the song so she could listen to it and
13:44 Review my analysis in more detail all these little things that gave me a few vague signposts to the
13:51 Dude that I became and am now
13:53 Funny that at the age of 17 or so
13:57 I was doing an analysis at the wall and then at the age of 55 I did an analysis of the wall
14:03 It's the the Pink Floyd album, which you can find of course at a free domain calm
14:08 Well, you can find it at free domain locals calm, but you have to subscribe for that because it's a pretty wild stuff
14:14 So I was like, okay. Well, I got to do this stuff. I
14:19 Won't do it badly because there's too costly. I won't do it
14:22 Well, because that's humiliating like I'm not gonna just do extra work, you know
14:26 I like like boxer in like the horse boxer in Orwell's animal farm
14:32 Just doing extra work fewer rations just working for at least he was working for others which had some nobility to it
14:38 But I just you know, I kind of did the bare minimum
14:40 Except when I enjoyed the topic in which case I get a plus easy
14:46 If I enjoyed the topic a plus easy if I didn't enjoy the topic I pass I do. Okay, but I
14:53 Couldn't it felt humiliating to chase the approval of teachers that I didn't respect
14:58 Let me repeat that because I think that's not a solitary thing for me. It felt humiliating
15:03 to chase the approval of teachers I did not respect and
15:08 So this guy this young man and I'd sympathy for him. Of course, righty, but he'd been a
15:14 An adult for over half a decade
15:16 So I had some sympathy for him, of course, but at the same time
15:21 it's
15:23 very important to
15:25 internalize
15:27 your goals and if you have a
15:30 Reason for those goals you won't need much willpower
15:34 To do it right. This is an old Nietzsche quote give a man a why he can bear almost any how I
15:41 Mean, you probably don't want to go polar bear swimming unless your child falls through the ice on a lake in which case in you
15:47 Go because you have a why
15:49 Save your child so you can bear almost anyhow risking your own life diving into a hole in the ice
15:56 Hobbit orc style
15:59 So that's a big question in life, right? I do ask myself this question on a continual basis
16:06 Why am I doing what I do?
16:11 There's that in the small context and there's that in the larger context
16:15 Why do I go to the gym? Well, I enjoy feeling strong. I enjoy being fit. I enjoy being
16:22 Attractive to my wife. I enjoy looking in the mirror and seeing a fitness. I enjoy
16:29 the extra blood flow that comes to this giant organ of a brain I happen to have on my pyramid shoulders and
16:36 It also I get to sustain this
16:39 Brain, which I think is to the benefit of the world as a whole the future obviously much more than the present
16:45 So I think it's a responsible thing to do with the accidental inheritance that I have to stay fit
16:51 So it's not hard to go to the gym
16:54 Because I have reasons that aren't based just on vanity. I mean, is there any vanity? I don't know
17:01 I mean, I kind of enjoy still looking young like every now and then I'll watch a documentary
17:05 And there'll be some guy who's 57. It's like holy crap. He looks terrible. So, you know, there's a little bit of vanity
17:11 but it's not I mean the number of times I'm out in public without my shirt on is
17:16 You know, I don't know maybe twice a year if I'm at some waterfront place or swimming
17:22 So it's pretty it's pretty rare and even then like if I'm at a swimming pool in the summer
17:27 I'll usually wear a shirt because it's easier for me to get the SPF on the shirt than it is for me to rub
17:34 lotion all over myself
17:36 Even if the lotion is lowered to me in a basket
17:40 So, I mean, that's why why do I try to eat reasonably?
17:45 Well, I sleep better and I feel better and I have more energy and life is more enjoyable and all of that
17:52 So, you know, you just have to compare
17:53 so if you don't have a compare to what it's hard to have any motivation really to sustain anything and
17:58 There's no compared to what in school you
18:01 Do damn well do the work or we fail you and take a year of your life
18:04 I mean, I don't think the failure stuff is happening so much anymore, but if you don't learn and
18:09 Since it particularly in you know math and and even English but science whatever if you don't learn stuff
18:15 Then it just becomes progressively more difficult right and more unpleasant, right?
18:20 So I took summer school one year when I was in my mid-teens because I was so tired of just doing okay in math
18:26 I'm like look I've got a I've got to get caught up because every year they build on what went before if it didn't really
18:31 Learn what went before very well, I'm not gonna have any fun. So I took a summer school course
18:34 Well, I took math and I took history
18:38 And I did summer school a couple of times even though I had two jobs in the summer because I just
18:43 Was so desperate to get out and I did manage to get out of school
18:46 Five months. Oh, I guess almost six months early, which was great got out of semester early. Whoo freedom
18:51 So why was I doing summer school?
18:54 well, because I was tired of scraping by math and just feeling like I was never caught up and
18:59 I wanted to get out early. So it wasn't that hard to do. Why did I?
19:03 Have two jobs because I needed income because I was paying my own bills
19:07 15 age of 15 numbers, right? My daughter's 15. So it's pretty wild and
19:11 The things I can't figure out a why for tend to fall away
19:16 Right. I tried I've tried learning a couple of instant instruments in my life. I don't particularly
19:21 Enjoy the process of learning the instruments neither. Do I have any particular skill in that?
19:27 So I was unable to sustain it. There was no particular purpose for it. What I'm gonna do sing at a cafe
19:32 I don't think so
19:34 So there was no particular purpose and so I moved on and I say this not to talk about myself
19:39 But to talk about all of us, right?
19:42 this guy
19:44 Did well in school or tried to do well in school?
19:47 so that he could
19:49 Please his father and his father wanted to be pleased for reasons of vanity and status
19:55 Because if his kid was doing badly in school, he'd be called into a parent-teacher conference people would look at him askance
20:01 People would say how are your kids doing and he'd have to lie rather than say, yeah, you know
20:06 They're not particularly enjoying school. But hey who did right?
20:09 so he was into
20:11 the status and
20:13 The comfort which meant his kids had to do well so that he himself would not feel uncomfortable would not feel humiliated
20:21 so it's not you have to do well, it's daddy has to feel good and
20:25 Of course, you'll plug along and do it, but that's external. It's external and it's a lie
20:31 Right because the parents who say well, you got to be the best. Well, they're not the best at parenting
20:37 they're not the best at parenting and so they don't believe at all that you have to be the best as I
20:42 Unfortunately just before the connection dropped
20:45 He said well, my father said I had to be the best. Okay
20:48 Well, what's your father the best at parenting right?
20:50 because if you're gonna be a parent and you're interested in being the best then you should read I
20:54 must have read like 20 books on parenting before I became a parent and
20:57 Of course thought about it deeply for many years and figured out what I wanted to do. That would be better or worse and
21:02 I think it's paid off. I mean, I have a good family and I'm a good father and I want it to be I don't
21:09 I don't know what it means to be the best because it's a little subjective
21:12 I mean, obviously the basic morality has to be there but
21:14 Kids are so different that it's hard to know
21:17 It's a little bit apples and oranges, right?
21:19 Who's a better musician the guy who's good at piano or the guy who's good at trombone?
21:23 I don't know. I mean they're kind of different different standards in many ways
21:27 But I think that's that's paid off, you know reading books on parenting. I took parenting courses
21:32 I of course thought a lot about the moral issues over the years and it's paid off. I think it's it's worked out
21:37 well, and
21:38 Given that my parenting is mostly done at this point like she's my daughter's 15 and change
21:42 So, I mean the parenting obviously there's a couple of tweaks here and there but for the most part
21:46 It's all done done and dusted as they would say. So yeah, so that worked out. So I wanted to be good at parenting
21:51 Again, I don't know. I wanted to be the best parent I could be. I don't know what it means to be the best parent
21:56 I'm it's not like there's some international award, right?
21:58 I mean sometimes being a great parent is keeping your kids from dying during a war, right?
22:04 I don't have to do that. So I don't know what it means to the apples and oranges stuff
22:07 But I'm certainly the best parent
22:09 I feel like I'm about the best parent that I can be in the circumstances that I have so I'm pleased and
22:15 Obviously relieved right somewhat relieved that I didn't bring the family curse forward another damn generation
22:20 So I said to this young man I said
22:24 Okay, so your father is very interested in being the best
22:27 Is it more important to be the best at parenting or is it more important to be the best at some?
22:33 Inconsequential spelling test when you're nine years old, you know, what's what's important if you're really into being the best
22:39 Then you should have your priorities straight, right?
22:41 you know if if your parents
22:44 want you
22:46 to be the best in school and you respond by saying I
22:50 have become the best at writing thing on haikus or drawing fire ants or
22:56 juggling
22:58 made up armadillo plushie toys
23:01 They would say
23:03 Well, no, and you said no. No, you said be the best
23:06 So I'm the best at drawing fire ants and they'd say well, no be the best at school
23:12 That's much. What do you mean the best at fire ants? What does that matter?
23:15 It's important to be the best at school right to which case you can say well
23:18 Isn't it important to be the best at parenting, right?
23:20 So if you say well, it's important to be the best then you would say to your parents
23:23 Okay, so tell me you know, what books and parenting have you read what theories of parenting are you?
23:27 Following or what are your ethics around parenting and so on right?
23:31 And of course they you know in general right most parents won't have any real solid answers
23:37 I would just I don't know doing what comes instinctively and we've never really studied for it
23:41 It's like okay, so I'm supposed to study for this stupid spelling bee while I'm nine
23:44 but you don't have to study for
23:46 Actually having it raising a real-life human being in a positive and healthy way
23:52 You don't have to study for that at all. But I really got a study for my grade 9 spelling bee or spelling test, right?
23:58 How can parents say you have to get an A in science when they get a in parenting? Yeah, it's okay
24:05 Yeah, it's fine. You know, whatever. I don't need to study
24:07 I just do what comes instinctively and of course if you were to take the same approach to your
24:11 Grade 9 spelling test that your parents do to parenting and you'd say, you know, I I've seen letters before I've read a bunch of stuff
24:18 I don't need to study. I'm just gonna I'm just gonna go with my gut. I'm gonna go with what my gut tells me
24:23 What would your parents say? They'd say no you have to study like you have to learn this stuff
24:29 You can't just you can't just do vector calculus based on your instincts
24:32 You can't just spell things based upon the fact that you've read some books in the past
24:36 You actually you have to study and learn these things
24:38 To which you'd say well, hang on if it's really important to not just go with your gut
24:43 But to actually learn facts and objective things then why didn't you do that with parenting?
24:46 And you see the craziness, right?
24:49 I mean it really it's so beyond deranged and you know
24:51 I can't even tell you just how much it frustrates me whether this is petty or not. You could be the judge
24:56 I don't think it really matters because I'm not giving up the emotions anyway, because the emotions I don't have these emotions
25:01 These emotions have me
25:02 like aren't these
25:04 Arguments just so ridiculously blindingly obvious that isn't it just shameful and embarrassing
25:09 that
25:12 philosophers
25:13 intellectuals
25:14 public big thinkers
25:16 Don't talk about this stuff
25:18 Isn't this like the most obvious thing?
25:20 Your parents say you got to be excellent. You got to study. Okay, did they study in order to become excellent about parenting?
25:27 Isn't that like isn't this just a blindingly obvious question like it it frustrates me
25:32 No, and that philosophy has been around for thousands and thousands and thousands of years
25:36 and yet
25:39 these basic obvious
25:41 points
25:43 Have never been made
25:45 At least I've never seen them and I think I would have I mean after this
25:48 Amount of time somebody would have said to me. Oh, no
25:50 this guy made all made all these points in the past and I gets crazy to me, honestly, it's genuinely like
25:55 What the hell are people been doing?
25:58 What the other people be doing? I don't know
26:01 So why why do you want to make money?
26:03 Why do you want this job? Why do you want a promotion?
26:05 Why do you want to go to the gym? Why do you want to diet?
26:08 Why do you want to get a bigger house? Why do you want a new car?
26:11 What do you know why why and you know, it's not I'm not a nihilist right? There's good answers to some of these things
26:17 The car I'm driving is secondhand
26:21 Why did I buy a secondhand car because it has safety features that I like
26:27 I've been in two car accidents
26:30 III it has safety features that I like and
26:33 I
26:35 Can get those safety features on a used car pretty cheaply
26:40 So rather than get a new car, I'd have a budget right? So
26:44 He's got to have a budget for everything right? Otherwise, you just don't know what's going on, right?
26:48 So in in the budget that I wanted for the car and I you know, my first car I drove
26:53 into the ground like there was nothing left working on that car except the wheels and
27:00 I got pity couple of hundred bucks, right? So when I got a new car
27:05 I had a budget in my mind and I'm like well
27:07 I'm happy to have a used car because then I get a
27:10 whole bunch of additional safety features for the same price as a new car without those safety features and I wanted the safety features
27:17 More than I wanted a new car
27:19 Not super complicated, right? So, you know, why why why do you want a new car?
27:23 Well, I need a new car because my old car died on the vine. I
27:27 Want these safety features? Here's my budget. The thing that makes sense is the used car
27:32 So I know these are sort of silly examples, but why?
27:35 Right. There's a lot of people who feel kind of pushed around during the day and then at night
27:41 You sitting in your bed scrolling on your tablet or your phone you feel like okay
27:45 This is me time and you know stare into a bright light and till 1 a.m. And oh my gosh
27:51 I'm having trouble sleeping. Well, you know why?
27:53 Because you don't feel like you have any you time during the day
27:56 well, you've got to find a way to get that so you don't end up staring into the
27:59 Magnesium heart of digital Suns until your retinas burn and you can't sleep. I
28:05 Say this is a reminder to myself as well
28:08 Because I can always say man. I'm not just scrolling on my phone. I'm running a business
28:14 with employees, so yeah, it's
28:17 Just something to remember. So I thought that
28:20 issue of
28:24 excellence and
28:26 Why his father?
28:28 Wanted him to do well and how he ended up internalizing
28:33 Punishments and rewards you see if it's not you who's generating the goal and you who knows why the goal is there
28:40 What do you have left other than?
28:43 laziness avoidance indifference punishment and reward
28:46 nobody's forcing me to do a
28:49 controversial philosophy show nobody
28:53 Nobody
28:54 My choice. I know what I'm doing. I know why I'm doing it
28:58 So it's easy to do I look forward to it. I enjoy it. I
29:02 Did a call in. Oh
29:05 Yesterday or the day before sorry. It's a bit of a blur. I
29:09 Did a call in on Sunday. Sorry day before yesterday and it was a fellow
29:15 who was dating a woman and
29:18 He's like, yeah, I want to become a dad and it turned out the woman he was dating was a grandmother
29:24 I mean not Harold Mort style, but you know
29:27 quite a bit older
29:30 Now that's a surprising enough thing for me that the call-in shows are still worth doing because it's not the same old same old then
29:35 The show is not the same old same old which is I guess why you're back and why I I keep doing it
29:39 Some people are fine saying the same things over and over again
29:42 Can you believe that the people on the left are being hypocritical?
29:45 Let me break it down for you. And so I'm like, I just know I
29:49 Can't do that stuff over and over again. It would drive me mad
29:51 That would be like dusty s his definition of hell, you know
29:55 Just I mean it's either a little bathhouse in the middle of nowhere full of spiders that you're locked into or or
30:02 It's digging a hole and having to fill it in again
30:06 Sisyphus style forever and ever amen, that would be hell. Yeah that repetition drives me crazy and I assume
30:13 Repetition is not so, you know, I'll do a call-in shows. I'll do
30:16 Presentations on Bitcoin I'll do novels, you know, I'll sing a little lol, you know, whatever right?
30:21 So now read audio books, which you should really check out. I mean, they really are good really are good freedom a.com slash books
30:28 So a lot of times we get mad at ourselves for not doing what we ought to do
30:33 I'm just not doing what I ought to do. I'm not doing what I should be doing and
30:39 That's a it's a really really sad and enslave enslaved way to to be motivated if that makes any sense and
30:47 You're living for others. You're living for the approval of others and
30:50 all of this
30:52 so in terms of your life as a whole
30:55 responding to incentives
30:58 Decays the will
31:00 Trying to reward and punish yourself is
31:02 recreating
31:04 School, it's recreating in a sense bad parenting
31:09 It's saying I don't have enough wisdom to do the right thing
31:13 So I'll bribe and flog myself for following a particular path or not
31:18 It's not being yourself to punish yourself
31:22 You're not inhabiting your own mind and body if you are rewarding and punishing yourself
31:28 You're turning yourself into a kind of useful pet for the powers that be you are replicating
31:33 The reward and punishment paradigm that is used in statism and school and abusive parenting as a whole
31:39 Within yourself you are becoming your own
31:42 tyrant
31:44 You are becoming your own
31:46 bribe and threatener in chief
31:48 positive rewards or the blackmail of
31:52 verbal abuse
31:55 bribery or terrorism I will make
31:59 Myself feel good or I will make myself feel bad
32:03 It's not the same as having free will it's not the same as having choice. It's not the same as having willpower
32:09 Punishment and reward bribes and threats. It's all just
32:13 Too appalling and you know, please understand. I'm not saying this from any guru standpoint. I still struggle with this
32:18 but
32:21 Hopefully my struggles and my clarity can help
32:24 you avoid all of this stuff that I
32:28 Had to do in a way
32:30 Just to make things happen in the past
32:33 Now, of course, I'm in a state where I can follow my own
32:37 goals and morals because I've largely freed myself from
32:42 External rewards and punishments. I don't have a boss to please
32:47 I obviously have to please you the audience but sometimes pleasing you the audience means annoying the living crap out of you
32:54 Sometimes for weeks at a time until you sort of see what it is that I'm doing in the value of it
32:58 So it's even that is a fairly complicated relationship
33:02 So, you know being more frank and direct with people who are in my view pursuing negative interactions in live streams or in my inbox
33:10 It can be tough for people. I get that it could be cringy and can feel humiliating
33:15 But it is a matter of respect to you to not lie about my experience doesn't mean I'm right
33:20 It just I'm not gonna falsify my own experience
33:23 With people that I don't I had to do that as a kid and as a young man and as an employee
33:28 I don't have to do that now and hopefully that me being free to express myself without being
33:34 Abusive gives you the liberty to tell the truth in your own relationships as well
33:39 So it might be annoying and I know it is for people
33:41 it may be hard for people and I know that it is but I'm never harsher with other people than I am with myself and
33:47 I don't try to be harsh with myself, but I always try to be honest with myself and
33:52 Honesty is the best motivator. So if you know why
33:57 You're doing something if you have a goal that is good for you and the world
34:02 You won't need much willpower willpower is one of these highly overrated things because it's like it's like holding a
34:10 three pound weight
34:12 Straight armed out from your shoulders doesn't seem that hard to begin with but it's gonna fail all too quickly and you're gonna be left with
34:19 A repulsive soreness that's gonna have you avoid movement
34:22 willpower is
34:24 something that you
34:25 Use you burn self-knowledge in order to motivate yourself that stripping yourself of self-knowledge in the future
34:32 when that's what I was trying to get to with this young man, which is if
34:36 You are unmotivated if you're not getting what you want in life if you're not doing the things that you think that you should
34:42 Isn't it important to be curious as to why?
34:45 Isn't important to be curious as to why?
34:50 Willpower is when you say I'm not worth being curious about
34:55 I'm just gonna make it happen and make myself go to the will go to the gym. I'm just gonna make myself
35:00 Not eat. I'm just gonna make myself
35:03 do stuff as opposed to
35:06 Being curious as to why you don't want to do things that you should or you do want to do things that you shouldn't just
35:12 Curiosity, I wonder why
35:14 that's a form of self-respect to say that you're not a bad person who just needs to be punished like a
35:20 sinner
35:22 But you are a person
35:24 That's worth asking questions about not just ordering around
35:28 Right ordering yourself around
35:31 comes at the expense of
35:33 self-knowledge
35:35 self-acceptance and true
35:37 free will
35:39 Free will is when you know things you don't force things
35:43 Freewill is when you make you don't take and the way that you make with the self is through curiosity
35:48 the way that you take from the self is by making yourself do stuff under threat of punishment or
35:53 with the incentive of bribery and
35:56 sometimes the only bribery is
35:59 Well, if I don't go to the gym, I'm just gonna call myself a lazy
36:02 Waste of skin later on so I guess I'll go to the gym. It's dismal. It's tragic. It's sad. It's very sad
36:09 To have that approach to life be curious be curious about yourself be curious about others, right?
36:15 When your kids lie to you and they will you can either get mad at them and punish them or you can be curious
36:21 Why did you lie without condemnation? Why the hell like why did why did you lie with yourself?
36:27 You do something that's not up to your standards of integrity as we all do
36:31 Oh, I wouldn't say for you for me as I do say, oh, I wonder why I wonder why I missed the mark on that one
36:35 That's interesting. I'm curious
36:37 Have that level of affection for yourself and you gain real strength in this life
36:42 force yourself and you hollow yourself out and
36:46 You replace external
36:48 Punishments and rewards with internal self-knowledge, which is exhausting fundamentally
36:54 unsustainable
36:56 So that's what I wanted to get across
36:58 I was hoping to get it across with this fine young man
37:01 But he had not made necessarily the best decisions about when to call but that happens
37:06 So if you have any questions or comments, I'm happy to take them
37:09 Otherwise, I have a lot of peaceful parenting the book to get through
37:14 I've got a bunch to read and a bunch more to I've got edits that I haven't made into the final version
37:18 So I'll just give you guys a second if you have questions or comments, I'm happy to hear them
37:22 Otherwise, I will close it off for the day. And I also finished this morning. I
37:26 finished the
37:29 Philosophical paradoxes series
37:31 I think we're up to part six and I think I did eight or nine of them
37:34 Sometimes I did more than one but this last one is a real crackerjack
37:37 it's about the intellect and
37:40 free will and how much high intellect and
37:42 Paralysis go hand in hand Hamlet style and it's unpacks that whole thing in a way that even you know
37:49 Sometimes even sometimes I even amaze myself the seal and so the light it's true
37:54 Sometimes I give myself goosebumps and this was one of those times where I felt I felt very close to my potential
38:01 I'm always sort of chasing after my potential
38:03 Because I never feel like I quite manifest it but I was real close this morning
38:07 So when that goes out in the next day or two
38:10 I hope that you will free domain comm slash donate if you'd like to help out the show
38:14 I'd really really appreciate that you can join the great community
38:17 free domain locals comm or
38:20 Subscribe star comm slash free domain, but free domain comm slash donate is the best place to go. Thanks everyone so much
38:26 I really appreciate your time and attention
38:28 Lots of love from up here. I will talk to you tomorrow. Bye