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JOYCE grew up thinking she was just like any other girl - but at the age of 14 doctors discovered she was actually an intersex person. After years of wondering why she was so tall, Joyce's mum, Karin, had taken her for tests when it was discovered that she had XY chromosomes - making her genetically male - and an ultrasound confirmed that Joyce had no female reproductive organs. Because her body was insensitive to testosterone, she had developed outwardly female characteristics - a condition known as androgen insensitivity syndrome. At the time, Joyce admits the news was "a shock" to her and her family, as they had "never heard of intersex before." She remembers how she "immediately started crying" and it took a long time to come to terms with the idea that she would never be able to have children that would be biologically hers. And as Joyce's friends explored dating and relationships, she avoided boys - finding it "really scary to tell them I was an intersex person." Now 21 years old, Joyce has accepted her identity and in recent years she decided to be much more open about her story on social media. When she met her current boyfriend, Angus, on a dating app a year ago, he was aware that Joyce was intersex. And whilst Angus' family were "cautious" about Joyce's inability to have biological children with him in the future, that did not deter him: "The most important thing is that you become a parent with someone who you truly love and share a special bond with - that's Joyce for me." And with so much loving support around her, Joyce hopes that by sharing her story, she will reach other young intersex people who find themselves at an earlier stage of their own acceptance journey: "Intersex has always been a really big taboo. There are a lot of intersex people who don't want to tell their story, so I hope my story reaches them and they can see... It's fine to just be who you are."
Follow Joyce:
https://www.instagram.com/joycekiela
https://www.tiktok.com/@joycekiela2808
JOYCE grew up thinking she was just like any other girl - but at the age of 14 doctors discovered she was actually an intersex person. After years of wondering why she was so tall, Joyce's mum, Karin, had taken her for tests when it was discovered that she had XY chromosomes - making her genetically male - and an ultrasound confirmed that Joyce had no female reproductive organs. Because her body was insensitive to testosterone, she had developed outwardly female characteristics - a condition known as androgen insensitivity syndrome. At the time, Joyce admits the news was "a shock" to her and her family, as they had "never heard of intersex before." She remembers how she "immediately started crying" and it took a long time to come to terms with the idea that she would never be able to have children that would be biologically hers. And as Joyce's friends explored dating and relationships, she avoided boys - finding it "really scary to tell them I was an intersex person." Now 21 years old, Joyce has accepted her identity and in recent years she decided to be much more open about her story on social media. When she met her current boyfriend, Angus, on a dating app a year ago, he was aware that Joyce was intersex. And whilst Angus' family were "cautious" about Joyce's inability to have biological children with him in the future, that did not deter him: "The most important thing is that you become a parent with someone who you truly love and share a special bond with - that's Joyce for me." And with so much loving support around her, Joyce hopes that by sharing her story, she will reach other young intersex people who find themselves at an earlier stage of their own acceptance journey: "Intersex has always been a really big taboo. There are a lot of intersex people who don't want to tell their story, so I hope my story reaches them and they can see... It's fine to just be who you are."
Follow Joyce:
https://www.instagram.com/joycekiela
https://www.tiktok.com/@joycekiela2808
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FunTranscript
00:00 I was 13 years old when I discovered that I was an intersex person.
00:04 I had to do an ultrasound to look at my female reproductive organs
00:08 and the doctor told me that he couldn't see anything.
00:11 I immediately started crying.
00:14 I didn't want to date boys at that point
00:17 because it's scary to just tell them I was an intersex person.
00:21 My current boyfriend and I have been together for a year.
00:24 My mother, she was very cautious at the beginning.
00:26 She did always know I wanted to have kids.
00:29 So she was like, "Are you sure?"
00:31 I think I was like 11 years old when I started really doing my makeup
00:37 and that kind of thing.
00:38 I always really felt like feminine, I think,
00:43 because I also just grew up with the idea that I was a girl.
00:48 I'm Joyce, I'm 21 years old and I'm an intersex person.
00:52 Girls have XX chromosomes, boys have XY chromosomes.
00:56 I have androgen insensitivity syndrome,
00:59 which basically means that I have XY chromosomes,
01:02 but because I'm 100% insensitive to androgens or testosterone,
01:09 I developed as a woman in the uterus.
01:13 I identify as a female, I always felt like a female.
01:16 So when I got my diagnosis,
01:18 at first I was a bit struggling with my own identity.
01:21 I was like, "Am I a boy? Am I a girl?"
01:24 I was like 40 years old when I discovered that I was an intersex person.
01:29 It was, of course, for all of us, a shock,
01:31 because we didn't know what it was.
01:33 I've never heard of intersex before I was diagnosed,
01:37 and also my parents didn't know what it was.
01:40 Is this me? - Yeah.
01:42 And how old was I here?
01:44 Uh...
01:46 Seven. - Seven.
01:48 And at this age, I think I was also really tall, right?
01:51 Yes, you were always tall.
01:54 When I was younger, I went to the pediatrician regularly
01:58 to get a check-up on how tall I was growing.
02:01 I also had really a lot of pain in my back
02:04 because I was growing so much,
02:07 and I always was really, really tired.
02:09 I always thought there was something happening,
02:13 but I didn't know what it was.
02:15 I went to the pediatrician with my mum for just a check-up,
02:19 and then they discovered that my hormone levels were really high.
02:24 I needed to do an ultrasound
02:27 to look at my femur reproductive organs,
02:30 and the doctor told me when he was doing the ultrasound
02:32 that he couldn't see anything.
02:34 So that was a really big shock to me,
02:36 and I immediately started crying
02:38 and had an awful day that I will always remember.
02:42 I think just afterwards, my diagnosis,
02:45 that was just the most confusing and negative time.
02:50 At the beginning, we were worried
02:51 because we didn't know what intersex was,
02:57 and we heard, "You can't have children of your own,
03:02 and you are so good with children."
03:05 So, yeah, we were worried about that.
03:07 At that time, I was in the middle of puberty
03:09 and really finding out who I was as a person.
03:12 So when I got my diagnosis, it was kind of difficult for me.
03:16 It was just a really hard time for all of us,
03:20 but I have an amazing family,
03:22 and they were just really accepting
03:24 and helping me also with all of the things
03:28 that I went through at such a young age.
03:31 - You know, there are good days and there are bad days.
03:34 - Of course, that's the funny thing with intersex.
03:37 You can accept yourself,
03:39 but you always will have part of your life
03:42 that it is harder that you have a diagnosis,
03:45 because I see friends of mine that are gonna get pregnant
03:49 and will have children,
03:51 and I will be not able to have those kind of things.
03:55 Sometimes it will hurt a little bit more.
03:58 - I understand.
03:59 That's why I'm so proud of you,
04:01 because you've been strong, a strong woman now about this.
04:06 (speaking in foreign language)
04:11 (laughing)
04:13 - My current boyfriend, I met on a dating app.
04:16 We've been together a year.
04:18 In the middle of puberty,
04:19 I saw a lot of my friends started dating boys,
04:23 and I was just surrounded with my head.
04:26 I didn't wanna date boys at that point.
04:29 It was really scary to just tell them
04:32 I was an intersex person,
04:34 but then I started to put it all on my social media,
04:37 so I never had to tell them face to face.
04:40 So that was always a really safe place for me
04:44 to just keep the distance a little bit.
04:47 - Hey.
04:50 Now let's go take the dogs for a walk, yeah?
04:54 - I know he told a friend of his
04:58 that he was matched with me on Tinder
05:01 and that I'm an intersex person,
05:04 and he was like,
05:05 do you think I should go on a date with her?
05:07 But then the friend told him,
05:09 of course, just go on a date with her.
05:11 You don't know what's gonna happen,
05:12 and maybe you really like her.
05:14 - Before you meet with some people,
05:16 you go look them up online,
05:18 and you try to find something about them,
05:21 and it happened to be when I Googled Joyce,
05:25 but it's not something that held me back.
05:27 I was planning on telling my parents.
05:29 My sister's also a very nosy person, just like me,
05:32 and she was looking up Joyce,
05:33 and my mother Googled her as well.
05:37 So they found out through that way.
05:38 They were like, hey, is there anything you want to tell us?
05:40 I was like, not particularly.
05:43 'Cause it's not like I'm ashamed or anything,
05:44 but it's just like how,
05:45 it's quite a delicate subject sometimes.
05:48 Like, how do I introduce it properly
05:49 without a stigma or anything around it?
05:52 - So of course, me and Gus can't have children
05:55 of our own in the future,
05:57 because I don't have any female reproductive organs.
06:00 But yeah, I still have a big wish
06:03 to maybe be a mom in the future.
06:05 So we discussed that maybe we can adopt
06:08 or have children through surrogacy.
06:10 - My mother, she was very cautious in the beginning.
06:13 She didn't always know I wanted to have kids,
06:15 and so I'm quite a family person.
06:18 And so she was like, are you sure?
06:21 Just being a cautious parent, just warning me,
06:25 like, hey, have you really thought well and clear about it?
06:28 But the most important thing is that you also become
06:31 a parent with someone who you truly love
06:32 and share a special bond with.
06:34 So yeah, that's Joyce for me.
06:37 - Intersex has always been a really big taboo.
06:40 I would wish that all the people knew
06:45 about what intersex just basically is,
06:48 so that other people that are diagnosed
06:51 as an intersex person, they would see
06:54 that it wasn't just really a big thing to be intersex.
06:58 - I think the main reason for the stigma
06:59 is people just do not understand what it entails.
07:03 And if people do start to understand what it entails,
07:08 it will lead to so much less confusion
07:10 and maybe to perhaps more acceptance.
07:12 Our relationships, like any other,
07:13 it's not different from previous ones I've had,
07:15 but it is possible to have a normal,
07:17 meaningful relationship with someone who's intersex.
07:21 - A lot of people still feel ashamed about being intersex
07:26 because there wasn't being spoken about.
07:29 So there are a lot of intersex persons
07:32 that don't want to tell their story.
07:34 So I hope my story reaches them
07:36 and they see you can just talk about it
07:38 and it's fine to just be who you are.
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