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00:00:00 [Sounds of a storm]
00:00:09 [Sounds of a storm]
00:00:24 Story time.
00:00:29 Story one.
00:00:32 Hey, what's up everybody?
00:00:35 I hope that you enjoyed A Land of Misfits.
00:00:38 For sure I'm in it, so you know it's gonna be good.
00:00:41 Sit back and enjoy it.
00:00:43 The earth is full of mysterious, mystical places.
00:00:47 These places are believed to be inhabited by fallen monster angels.
00:00:51 The Ashos in South Jersey is one of these places.
00:00:56 There's a mystical section of the forest believed to be inhabited by the spirits of the Lost Tribe.
00:01:01 An indigenous American tribe made up of natives to the area
00:01:04 and escaped warrior slaves from the ship that was in the dock to take me and the rest.
00:01:09 And even deeper in those mysterious woods is a fable.
00:01:14 You should probably let me help you set the mood for this episode.
00:01:19 Mmm, woman.
00:01:22 You know that I'm the creator of all this that you see here.
00:01:25 I think I can handle the intro just fine.
00:01:28 Let's get it right, co-creator.
00:01:32 You may have got the ball rolling, but you let me, Mother Nature,
00:01:36 handle a good part of this sub-creating.
00:01:39 Fine.
00:01:41 How about we alternate in setting this scene up?
00:01:45 I'm fine with that, Ed.
00:01:47 So where were we?
00:01:49 Oh, yes.
00:01:52 And even deeper in these mysterious woods is a blue hole.
00:01:56 A darkly faded, colorfully enticing, crystal clear blue light that is taking many lives
00:02:04 while it's shifting deep currents.
00:02:06 Now, no one knows how deep it is, but the rumor is that there's a mermaid-like human
00:02:12 with a porpoise-like feet and human-like legs
00:02:16 swims freely here down to its unknown, mysterious depths.
00:02:22 Okay, that was dope.
00:02:25 But check this out.
00:02:27 A dark road and the cars driving by flash their headlights.
00:02:31 A red ball comes rolling out from the middle of the street
00:02:37 and the little boy is chasing after it.
00:02:39 He grabs the ball and BANG!
00:02:42 The car drives over right through the wall.
00:02:45 The boy just stares, picks the ball up, and he gives an earful.
00:02:49 This is the legend of the West Acoo goose.
00:02:53 Okay, nice, nice.
00:02:59 And then there's the story of a young, indigenous, Latinx teen
00:03:04 who is trying his best to figure out the new, acquired, changing abilities
00:03:08 and, she believed, at the same time.
00:03:12 You, you. Earth is a land of mishaps.
00:03:15 Some good, some bad, and some you just don't know about.
00:03:20 Very nice segue, as we're about to shortly meet the main character of our story.
00:03:26 Just keep your damn hands up, Steve Harvey, or whatever your strong, black-ass name is,
00:03:32 and move slowly to the cash register.
00:03:35 You guys keep a lookout, just like we planned.
00:03:38 We got you covered. Just hurry up and get the money.
00:03:41 [Heartbeat]
00:03:49 [Laughter]
00:03:50 Steve Harvey, that's the best yo' punk ass can come up with?
00:03:54 Corny motherfucker. Do I look like Steve Harvey? Look at these lips, bitch.
00:03:58 Yo, you wanna talk to me, carry me like that?
00:04:02 Really? I thought this clown was corny.
00:04:07 You worse than him.
00:04:08 Who writes y'all jokes? Y'all mothers?
00:04:11 Come on, man, just hurry up and get the money.
00:04:13 You know, instead of being so worried about taking my money,
00:04:16 you need to take that tight shirt back to Big Gap.
00:04:19 Tight ass shirt, I can see your blood pressure in that shit.
00:04:22 Rough the game, Steve Harvey.
00:04:26 Oh, wow, you guys really suck at dancing.
00:04:28 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's that sound? Do you hear that?
00:04:33 Who is that? Where's that coming from? Where you at? What's that sound?
00:04:36 Do you hear that?
00:04:37 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's that sound?
00:04:39 Here's me.
00:04:42 Yo, where's Dave?
00:04:45 Yo, where'd he go?
00:04:50 Yeah, fuck this, I'm out.
00:04:53 Smart, man.
00:04:55 Yo, where'd he go?
00:04:57 I'm out.
00:04:58 Too slow.
00:05:06 Help!
00:05:07 Help!
00:05:09 Ah!
00:05:13 Tyson!
00:05:14 Andy Friend.
00:05:24 Or Andy Fella.
00:05:27 Hmm, here's hope.
00:05:31 Wow, he really wanted to kill that guy.
00:05:33 I sense that his hatred and sickness in you won't ever change.
00:05:37 This is sad. It's been decided.
00:05:40 You good?
00:05:44 Oh, everything's Gucci.
00:05:46 No, it's not Gucci.
00:05:48 Okay, I just had a gun put in my face.
00:05:51 I heard you say that they wanted to kill me.
00:05:54 All right, you broke this poke-ass thing.
00:05:57 I'm not gonna let you do that.
00:05:59 I'm not gonna let you do that.
00:06:01 I'm not gonna let you do that.
00:06:03 I'm not gonna let you do that.
00:06:05 I'm not gonna let you do that.
00:06:07 I'm not gonna let you do that.
00:06:09 I'm not gonna let you do that.
00:06:11 I'm not gonna let you do that.
00:06:13 Poke-ass is next!
00:06:14 Thank you for saving my life.
00:06:16 I miss Barack Obama.
00:06:19 And now you're floating.
00:06:22 And now you're gone.
00:06:25 How am I gonna spray these two colors?
00:06:42 Google, play messages.
00:06:44 Nigga, where the hell are you at?
00:06:46 I can't believe you missed another workout.
00:06:48 Your title defense is two weeks away.
00:06:50 On the real, you acting soft.
00:06:53 You acting like them high yellow cats.
00:06:55 Call me back.
00:06:56 You know what?
00:06:57 I'm telling your mama.
00:06:59 I love you, man.
00:07:01 Call back.
00:07:02 Here we go again.
00:07:04 Doubting me.
00:07:05 Come on, man.
00:07:06 I'm the longest-reigning MMA heavyweight champion ever.
00:07:10 I'm the man's man.
00:07:12 I'm the macho man of this thing.
00:07:14 Ooh, lavender.
00:07:16 [Music]
00:07:43 Google, play slow.
00:07:45 Yeah, not sappy.
00:07:46 Kind of mysterious, fading into my backstreet music.
00:07:49 [Music]
00:08:18 [Music]
00:08:33 [Music]
00:08:53 [Music]
00:09:04 Oh, shit!
00:09:06 [Music]
00:09:14 Shit, shit, shit.
00:09:15 [Music]
00:09:20 Dude, where are you going?
00:09:22 You're going the wrong way.
00:09:24 Gun, gun, turn, run, gun.
00:09:27 What the hell, bro?
00:09:29 Why didn't you say something sooner?
00:09:31 So that was a gun we heard.
00:09:34 Yeah, Jorge.
00:09:36 Don't be saying my name, bro.
00:09:38 Shit, shit, shit.
00:09:39 Did he see you?
00:09:40 No, I don't think so.
00:09:42 [Music]
00:09:43 Yo, just drop the bikes and let's run in.
00:09:46 Well, if he didn't see you, he probably heard you scream.
00:09:49 What, dawg?
00:09:50 I didn't scream.
00:09:51 What the hell, bro?
00:09:53 Don't say our names.
00:09:54 And yeah, you did scream.
00:09:56 Sounded like a little bitch.
00:09:58 Yeah, Marcus Kane.
00:10:00 Bye, dawg.
00:10:02 We all gonna die.
00:10:04 I think we're good.
00:10:07 No, we're not good.
00:10:09 You just witnessed a murder, yelled our names.
00:10:12 It is hot as hell.
00:10:14 And it smells awful out here.
00:10:17 Yeah, what is that smell?
00:10:19 [Music]
00:10:24 I think it's coming from over there.
00:10:26 [Music]
00:10:40 What do you think it is?
00:10:42 It's probably a dead raccoon or something like that.
00:10:46 Nah, it's too big for that.
00:10:49 Really?
00:10:50 Yeah.
00:10:51 [Music]
00:11:04 Aw, hell no.
00:11:06 [Music]
00:11:18 What the hell is going on in this town?
00:11:20 It's hot, people are being killed,
00:11:22 satanic damn rituals going on in the woods,
00:11:25 and I'm pretty sure Mr. Henderson is watching us change after June.
00:11:29 Really?
00:11:30 After all the craziness today,
00:11:32 you decide to start with "It's hot"
00:11:34 and end with "Mr. Henderson wants some of your sweet, hot, loving?"
00:11:40 Boy, please.
00:11:41 You know what I mean.
00:11:42 He always seems to be looking at us funny after June.
00:11:45 Um, can we get back to the fact
00:11:47 that there's a killer out there that might be looking for us?
00:11:50 Besides, everybody knows he likes the jock types,
00:11:53 so that only means Jorge and me outputting.
00:11:55 Ha ha ha, yeah, whatever.
00:11:58 Let's get back to the possible dead guy and killer thing.
00:12:02 What do you mean, "possible killer"?
00:12:04 What I said, possible.
00:12:07 I know what I saw.
00:12:09 Just how close were you when he shot the guy?
00:12:12 Close enough.
00:12:14 I said we go back and check.
00:12:16 If that ain't some white boy scooby-doo bullshit...
00:12:20 What? How do you figure?
00:12:23 In every scary movie, the white guy only says some dumb shit like,
00:12:27 "Ooh, there's a noise over there."
00:12:29 And blood, too. Let's go investigate.
00:12:32 Then, bam, the black guy dies first, the Puerto Rican second,
00:12:36 and while we're being killed, a white guy runs off to get the cops,
00:12:40 and the local paper runs the article with the headline,
00:12:43 "Suspected drug lord and gay member killed during home invasion."
00:12:47 And somehow, the pictures they used of you and me
00:12:51 had Photoshopped porn rolls on me and a bandana on you.
00:12:55 Meanwhile, his dumbass gets rich from a Kickstarter our stupid-ass school
00:13:00 started for him, and he gets a scholarship to Rutgers,
00:13:03 where he drops out, but they give him an honorary degree
00:13:06 because of the emotional stress he's been through
00:13:09 and losing his childhood friends.
00:13:12 Wow. You really thought this through, didn't you?
00:13:16 So after hiding out in the woods for a couple hours
00:13:20 under some punk-ass bitches,
00:13:22 they decided to do what any other teenage boy would do
00:13:25 after possibly just learning to read and write.
00:13:27 They went outside to eat.
00:13:29 They went to the local high school hangout and ate those pizzas,
00:13:32 and boy, let me tell you, this is where things could be turned for the weirder.
00:13:36 Check it out.
00:13:38 Yo, Jorge, there's your sister.
00:13:40 Yeah, I see her. Whatever.
00:13:42 Yo, Benito, what's up?
00:13:44 Man, don't call her. She might come over here.
00:13:47 ¿Qué pasa, quebrones?
00:13:50 Listen, bro, I know that's your sis, but you fail.
00:13:53 She's got some of the finest breasts I've ever seen.
00:13:57 Yo, he ain't lying.
00:14:00 Them things are nice.
00:14:02 I'm gonna need both of y'all to shut the hell up.
00:14:06 Yo, bro, we're just messing with you.
00:14:08 You ain't right. You ain't right, bro.
00:14:13 You ain't right, bro.
00:14:15 All right, now she's coming over.
00:14:17 She's probably gonna want some money.
00:14:19 Yo, keep talking like we don't see her.
00:14:21 Yeah, shit!
00:14:25 Yo, what part of keep talking like we don't see her don't you understand?
00:14:29 Uh, is it just me, or are we moving and not moving at the same time?
00:14:46 Yo, now that you mention it, you should have been at the counter by now.
00:14:51 Hello, boys.
00:14:57 Shit.
00:15:04 Is this him?
00:15:06 Yeah, I think so.
00:15:09 You won't miss a big stare, guy.
00:15:11 I ain't seen anything, so I'll just be leaving.
00:15:15 Hmm.
00:15:17 Why don't you stay, Jorge?
00:15:19 I would like to talk to you, Dope, and Marcus for a minute.
00:15:24 Damn it. He knows our names.
00:15:27 What the hell are you doing?
00:15:33 I'm doing the Wizard of Oz thing.
00:15:35 I don't care if it's Kansas, Iraq. I just don't want to be here.
00:15:41 Ha ha. That's funny, Marcus.
00:15:44 You're a funny guy, Marcus.
00:15:46 You're the one who saw me this afternoon, right?
00:15:49 He ain't seen you shoot anybody in this city, crazy scary guy.
00:15:53 Dude, shut up!
00:15:56 He doesn't need to know that only Marcus saw whatever happened.
00:16:01 Bro, really?
00:16:07 But I saw the three of you ride off together.
00:16:11 Hey, look, mister.
00:16:14 We don't even know what your name is.
00:16:17 It's Saru.
00:16:18 Damn. He just told us his name.
00:16:21 Now I know he's going to kill us.
00:16:23 You don't need to kill me.
00:16:26 I didn't do anything. Not one thing, Mr. Figuart.
00:16:29 That's Saru.
00:16:31 And no, I'm not going to kill you.
00:16:36 Thanks for sparing me, Chico.
00:16:39 Sorry, guys. I'll see y'all later.
00:16:42 Come on, man.
00:16:44 You're funny too, Jorge.
00:16:47 Boys, I'm not going to kill you.
00:16:51 Shit. You're not about to enlist us, are you?
00:16:55 Please don't let this turn into one of those Lifetime or ABC Family types of situations.
00:17:01 You mean freeform.
00:17:04 What?
00:17:05 ABC Family is now freeform TV.
00:17:09 What he said.
00:17:11 I'm glad to see you know your pop culture, Mr. Serial.
00:17:14 But can you please tell us why you put that guy in?
00:17:16 And why the hell we can't move our damn feet?
00:17:19 And why everyone else around here look like they're in the damn Matrix?
00:17:22 You'll have to excuse him.
00:17:24 He gets this way when he doesn't exactly know what's going on.
00:17:27 That's okay. I already know man is not one of God's most able creatures.
00:17:34 Adios mio. Es el Diablo.
00:17:36 Oh, man. The devil?
00:17:38 Damn. Mom said I would go to hell if I didn't stop watching the dope videos online.
00:17:43 You said you created browser history.
00:17:46 Boys, I'm not the devil.
00:17:51 Thank you, Jesus.
00:17:54 It's pay up center, right? I mean, you don't mind?
00:17:59 Listen, I work for the creator of heaven and earth.
00:18:04 You said work.
00:18:06 Yeah, he said work.
00:18:08 Right. He did.
00:18:11 That's a demon.
00:18:13 No, Mr. Demon. You don't want me.
00:18:16 Because that's dope. He the freaky one out of the group.
00:18:18 Yes, I said work.
00:18:21 No, I'm not a demon.
00:18:23 I was with an angel sire called Galatius.
00:18:28 Twelve of us watched over the earth and had different responsibilities.
00:18:32 We had one angel over us who fell through grace and convinced us to make with the people of earth.
00:18:38 Which was of course against the creator's wishes.
00:18:42 As you said earlier Marcus, there is something about who dresses this.
00:18:48 Wait, so you're a fallen angel?
00:18:52 Hmm, kind of in between.
00:18:57 Since the watchers who were already a sign of earth.
00:19:00 A creator who's a forgiven soul placed seven of us in one area.
00:19:07 Where we serve out our punishment over a long period of time while we're still allowed to intermingle with men.
00:19:14 By intermingle with men, you do mean ladies.
00:19:20 Yes, every hundred years or so I am allowed to, I think you kids say, knock some boots.
00:19:27 Maybe if it was like a 90's R&B group we would say that.
00:19:31 Yeah, yeah, we get it. You get good sweet loving every now and then.
00:19:36 But you still didn't tell us why you killed that guy.
00:19:39 He was a child killer. He traveled around the country abducting and killing children.
00:19:46 He had no intention of ever stopping, so I did it for him.
00:19:51 To work my way back into the creator's good graces, I take care of certain evils that could become a problem over time.
00:19:59 Like killing people?
00:20:01 Have you ever read a bible or any other religious materials?
00:20:05 Where beings like me were in it?
00:20:07 Who does most of the dirty work other than the floods?
00:20:11 Us angels.
00:20:15 He's like the kingpin, the working titus, who he sends out to handle his business.
00:20:20 Plagues, death of earthborn wars, or some bad deeds.
00:20:27 So you're like the big guy's terminator?
00:20:31 I do more than just resolve evil things.
00:20:35 Like earlier today, I helped an old lady cross the street.
00:20:39 Great, we got a killer boy scout among us.
00:20:44 So what's the deal with this matrix slum-up? How and why is this happening?
00:20:48 Neat, isn't it?
00:20:51 More like scary as hell.
00:20:54 What's up with all this?
00:20:56 Just one of my little tricks.
00:20:59 Time is a true constant, but it can't be stopped.
00:21:03 I have the ability to slow it down or speed it up.
00:21:06 Is it me, or do you think Morpheus here is about to ask us to choose between blue and red pill?
00:21:13 Funny you should say that.
00:21:14 The only difference is you have to choose between red, green, yellow, and orange.
00:21:18 Here's to rainbow, boys.
00:21:21 So are we going to be able to get back to normal moving speed any time soon?
00:21:28 Not quite.
00:21:31 I knew it.
00:21:33 Here comes the Lifetime TV twist when he wants us to get naked or something.
00:21:38 No, this is where I tell you guys to think back a few minutes to when you saw Vanilla.
00:21:43 Here's the fun part.
00:21:54 Let's speed things up a little.
00:21:57 What's up, baby?
00:22:07 What's wrong?
00:22:08 What about my brother, your cousin, and the green bill?
00:22:12 Something happened.
00:22:14 Yo, what happened?
00:22:16 Relax.
00:22:18 I now need you boys to think back even further.
00:22:21 Back to this afternoon when Marcus saw me handling my business.
00:22:25 You mean, when you shot that dude?
00:22:28 Just think back.
00:22:36 What?
00:22:37 Stay focused, boys.
00:22:39 What the fuck? Are you saying we're dead?
00:22:53 Not quite.
00:22:55 What the hell is not quite?
00:22:58 I just want to go home and mom you.
00:23:01 Listen, boys.
00:23:04 Between heaven and hell, there's earth.
00:23:06 And on earth, there's mystical places where beings like me live.
00:23:10 Good and bad things.
00:23:13 The outpost is one of those places.
00:23:15 I always knew heaven and hell met somewhere in Jersey.
00:23:18 Something like that.
00:23:21 Think of it more like a land of mysteries.
00:23:25 And I'll be your guide.
00:23:27 Okay, so you still didn't answer if we were alive or dead.
00:23:31 Yeah, what's our status?
00:23:34 You're not dead.
00:23:35 You're in between.
00:23:37 You'll understand more in time.
00:23:39 What do you mean?
00:23:41 You're about to have some amazing things happen to you.
00:23:46 But for now, two pardon things.
00:23:49 One of which you'll forget.
00:23:51 One, I'm your father.
00:23:55 Two, wake up.
00:23:58 He's awake?
00:24:00 He's awake?
00:24:02 Call nurses, all doctors to room 305.
00:24:04 Call nurses, all doctors to room 305.
00:24:09 [beeping]
00:24:10 I still see a flare for the dramatic entry.
00:24:37 It got your attention, didn't it?
00:24:39 What's up, serial?
00:24:41 Haven't seen or heard from you in a while.
00:24:43 I'm here because your friends are in trouble.
00:24:45 They need your help.
00:24:47 Okay, cool.
00:24:49 But first...
00:24:51 I gotta go whoop some ass.
00:25:02 [music]
00:25:04 [music]
00:25:05 Let this be a lesson.
00:25:22 Don't F around with boss brash anymore.
00:25:25 Yeah, take that, take that, take that.
00:25:28 Won't stop, can't stop.
00:25:30 Uh-uh, uh-uh.
00:25:32 [meow]
00:25:33 I can help you, if you so desire.
00:25:41 Oh, you didn't think this was just gonna be a good old boys party, did you?
00:25:46 You can best believe us badass chicks are coming through.
00:25:50 Story two.
00:25:55 You know you keep getting me in trouble.
00:26:01 I know you don't mean to, but my parents keep thinking I'm doing all these weird things.
00:26:05 Who's she talking to?
00:26:10 Did you let her friends come over again?
00:26:12 I was about to ask you the exact same thing.
00:26:15 Yo, B.A., go see who she's talking to.
00:26:18 Yeah, no.
00:26:20 Apparently this is a parental situation that y'all need to handle.
00:26:23 Alright, let's just all go together.
00:26:25 Okay.
00:26:27 [music]
00:26:40 Really? Y'all gonna Scooby-Dooby-Doo me right now?
00:26:43 [music]
00:26:56 Hey, what's your favorite toy?
00:26:57 That's my dad's black Panther Funko Pop, and he doesn't like when it's moved around.
00:27:02 Oh, hell nah. What bobble-headed friend of yours keeps messing with my Funko Pop?
00:27:06 Uh, hi guys.
00:27:08 Where'd dad go?
00:27:10 Hey, did something knock you over?
00:27:15 No, no, no, not today, Satan, Newcastle, or whatever the hell was in there.
00:27:25 Hey, you just gonna knock the boy over and save yourself?
00:27:27 Yeah, we gonna need some guidance on this one. I'm calling Pastor Good Love.
00:27:33 [music]
00:27:38 [phone ringing]
00:27:44 Hey, Reyonce!
00:27:47 Reyonce!
00:27:49 Could you tap her?
00:27:52 I need you to work on the shimmy-shimmy pop.
00:27:55 No, no, I'm not seeing it. I see the shimmy.
00:28:00 I ain't see the pop. You got the pop with the shimmy. You can't shimmy and no pop.
00:28:05 That's like peanut butter without jelly, girl. Come on now.
00:28:08 [phone ringing]
00:28:11 Who this?
00:28:13 Hello, Reverend Good-- that's Dr. Reverend Good Love, my brother.
00:28:19 Apologies, apologies. Dr. Reverend Good Love.
00:28:22 Well, technically it's Reverend Doctor.
00:28:25 [singing]
00:28:31 Yeah, no, I'm not calling that.
00:28:37 Anyway, this is William Anderson calling from the congregation.
00:28:41 Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:28:45 Is this the same William Anderson that leaves my service early in the winter and in the fall, depending on what time the Eagles play?
00:28:52 Is that you, my brother?
00:28:54 You gotta admit, sir, your sermons run a tad bit long sometimes.
00:29:02 Oh, you mean opposed to a game that would only take about 25 minutes if you took out all the commercial breaks and the timeouts.
00:29:10 Is that what you're talking about, my brother?
00:29:13 Hmm. Note to self. Add commercial breaks to sermons to generate more living.
00:29:20 Oh, my Jesus.
00:29:23 You already have four of those. It's called the collection plea.
00:29:27 Whoa, Lord, why? Why is he trying to test me?
00:29:32 He don't want me to bring out this West Philly thug, but I will if I have to.
00:29:36 [Music]
00:29:44 Why are you calling me, my wayward brother?
00:29:47 I'm calling today, sir, because my house... How can I say this?
00:29:52 My house... My house has...
00:29:57 Come on, brother. Today, I got to get back to my rehearsal.
00:30:01 My house has a...
00:30:05 My house has a ghost.
00:30:08 [Music]
00:30:10 Um... Did you say a ghost?
00:30:15 [Music]
00:30:18 Do you mean like the Holy Ghost?
00:30:21 No, I mean like a ghost ghost.
00:30:24 One that moves stuff around. If I blink my eyes, all of a sudden, stuff is stacked on top of my kitchen table and the doors are open.
00:30:33 One that my daughter only seems to be able to hear and talk to, but yet none of us can hear it or talk to.
00:30:39 Dr. Reverend Pimpalicious Goodlove, whatever. We really need your help, sir.
00:30:44 [Music]
00:30:46 Um, it sounds like you got yourself one of them poltergeists.
00:30:50 But let me say this. Dr. Reverend Goodlove is here for you.
00:30:56 And I'm always willing to help.
00:31:00 Except in this case. I'll pray for you.
00:31:04 But, sir, Dr. Reverend Goodlove, statue left by?
00:31:07 Don't fucks with no ghosts.
00:31:10 Shimmy shimmy pop!
00:31:14 Shimmy shimmy pop!
00:31:17 Hello? Hello? Hello?
00:31:20 [Music]
00:31:28 [Doorbell]
00:31:30 Come in. It's always open.
00:31:33 Hey guys, what's up?
00:31:40 Um, nothing much. What brings you by?
00:31:43 I wanted to see if you guys heard a loud scream, a woman's voice, like, I don't know, like 15 minutes ago.
00:31:50 I was walking around out there and a really loud voice was like, something like, I don't know, like, "Please don't take me."
00:31:57 [Music]
00:31:59 First of all, what you probably heard wasn't no woman screaming.
00:32:03 What you probably heard was like a real manly man's voice, heavy with bass, saying something like, "Please, no, Lord, not my family. Take me instead."
00:32:15 No, no, I'm pretty sure it was a woman's voice or a young girl or something. It was high-pitched.
00:32:24 I believe what you heard was someone who will remain nameless reacting to a strange occurrence that happened just a few minutes ago.
00:32:34 Oh. Wait, what?
00:32:38 We think we have a ghost.
00:32:41 Don't pay him no mind.
00:32:43 Oh, oh, no, no, no. Pay him some mind. Something freaky is really going on here.
00:32:48 Really?
00:32:50 Please don't pay him no mind.
00:32:53 Oh, no, no, no, no. You're going to pay us some mind because whatever freakiness is going on in this house revolves around that little girl right over there.
00:32:59 Hello, Ms. Lynn.
00:33:01 You're telling me that sweet little girl is what all the ruckus is about?
00:33:06 Not her per se. You know what? It's kind of hard to explain. Let me show you instead.
00:33:13 Yoink.
00:33:21 [Music]
00:33:34 Okay, okay, guys, here's the deal. We're going to look at Black Panther. We're going to blink three times on my cue, all right?
00:33:43 And just watch what happens. It's some crazy stuff here. Ready?
00:33:48 One, two, three.
00:33:52 [Music]
00:34:11 Really?
00:34:15 Y'all really staying in there with that crazy stuff going on like that?
00:34:18 That's some real white people shit right there.
00:34:21 Say what now?
00:34:23 Oh, babe, I'm Italian. It is not the same thing. I don't know about you, but I be out of here.
00:34:34 Hee hee. Hello, boys and girls. I hope you enjoyed today's show. Before we go, be sure to go and beg your parents to bring you to my amusement park, Ricky Rodent's Wonder World. Hee hee.
00:34:46 While here, you can see me and all my wonderful friends for a minimal fee. So go run and tell your parents, if you really love me, you'll take me to go see Ricky Rodent in his wonderland.
00:35:01 Now, before we go, let's sing my theme song. R-I-C. C is for cash. Gotta get that money. K-E-Y. Why? Because cash rules everything around me. Gotta get that money. Dollar, dollar bill, y'all. R-O-D-E-N-T.
00:35:29 See you at Ricky's Wonder World. That's if your parents really, really love you.
00:35:33 Dad, can we go there?
00:35:35 Depends. Is your friend going? I'm not paying extra for someone that I can't see.
00:35:41 Hello?
00:35:47 Uh, hello. May I ask who you are?
00:35:51 Yes, my name is Doc Light. I've been summoned here in reference to your daughter, Rose.
00:35:58 Did she say summoned here? Like she's from Hogwarts or something?
00:36:01 Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. There's enough freakiness going on in this house today. Send Night Skin and Harry Potter on her way.
00:36:09 You know I'm a fan of Harry Potter.
00:36:13 Unlike him, I'm quite real.
00:36:20 Oh, hell no.
00:36:25 Lady, you just keep walking in here like you're somebody's invited guest.
00:36:30 I'm sorry to startle you, but let me assure you, I am an invited guest.
00:36:37 Hello, Rose. Hello, Saquan.
00:36:53 Wait, wait, you can see him?
00:36:55 As plain as day.
00:36:57 Um, can somebody please tell me what in the poltergeist is going on?
00:37:01 In a second, bro. Let me talk to them first.
00:37:05 Did she just say them?
00:37:08 (music)
00:37:26 Really? Y'all just going to be doing me again?
00:37:29 Shhh.
00:37:34 Hey, Rose. Is Zipfon nice to you? I hear that sometimes he gets you in trouble.
00:37:38 Oh, no, no. He just likes to prank us, that's all.
00:37:41 That is, he also likes Dad's Black Panther Funko Pop.
00:37:47 Oh, well that's good that he's friendly. Is it okay that I speak with him?
00:37:51 Oh, no, that's fine.
00:37:53 Saquan, why are you here?
00:37:57 (music)
00:38:26 What did he say?
00:38:27 He said he's from a native tribe from this area that's consisted of runaway slaves and Native Americans.
00:38:33 The Lost Tribe? My mom told me about them.
00:38:37 And he said he plays with your Black Panther dog.
00:38:40 Uh, that would be Funko Pops or Action Figure.
00:38:44 Okay, whatever it is, he plays with them because it reminds him of the warriors in his tribe.
00:38:49 Hmm.
00:38:51 But why is he here?
00:38:54 He said he will roam here until the colonizers that run things start to treat his people with the respect and love that was here before they arrived.
00:39:03 Damn. It looks like we're going to be stuck with him forever.
00:39:07 Well, he's going to have to kick in with a bill or something.
00:39:11 (music)
00:39:16 Story 3.
00:39:20 Good evening. Today is Monday, April 27, 2020, and I'm Ulysses Rick Sikahak.
00:39:26 Leading all faction news tonight is an update to the continuing spread of the coronavirus.
00:39:31 The CDC has released an update of those most likely to contract this rapidly spreading and often deadly disease.
00:39:40 Here are a few of the most common clues. African American males, those over the age of 40, those that are overweight, type 2 diabetics, and those suffering from sickle cell disease.
00:39:51 Now, if you or anyone you know suffers from these ailments, you're at a considerably higher risk of contracting the newly named COVID-19.
00:39:59 So please, take extra precautions or just stay at home and let others do your shopping and activities for you.
00:40:07 Now, over to Cecily who has a story about a dolphin.
00:40:10 (dolphin sounds)
00:40:12 I don't know how much longer I can take.
00:40:14 (dolphin sounds)
00:40:16 (dolphin sounds)
00:40:18 (dolphin sounds)
00:40:20 (dolphin sounds)
00:40:22 I don't know how much longer I can take.
00:40:24 (dolphin sounds)
00:40:26 (dolphin sounds)
00:40:28 (laughter)
00:40:31 Calm down, calm down. I'm going to try and convince him to go back.
00:40:36 Go to your rooms. I'll be up in a minute.
00:40:39 I'm going in.
00:40:41 Mom, your mask.
00:40:43 Thanks baby. I'll be up in a minute.
00:40:46 Baby, you gotta go in. The kids and I are concerned.
00:41:05 Baby, the hospital said it's viral. Not COVID.
00:41:09 Oh no, they're wrong dad. You got that wrong.
00:41:14 I thought I told you to go to your room.
00:41:17 Somebody's got to spray you down with Lysol when you come out of patient zero's room.
00:41:21 You gotta take the rest of us into consideration mom.
00:41:24 Girl, get your ass up in your room.
00:41:27 Did she just call me patient zero?
00:41:30 She's just worried. We all are. Looking good like he is.
00:41:35 (dolphin sounds)
00:41:36 If you don't go back in, we're going to stay with you.
00:41:49 You can't. You know you can't.
00:41:52 Babe, I can't sleep in another room when you might be.
00:42:02 I can't sleep anyway.
00:42:04 I love you, but you have to go.
00:42:10 I'll have this head soon.
00:42:13 (music)
00:42:15 Girl, are you serious? Stop spraying me.
00:42:38 You want to walk into the danger zone? That's on you.
00:42:42 My sibs and I want to live. We ain't old like y'all.
00:42:45 If you don't stop spraying me.
00:42:47 Did he say my mom said to leave?
00:42:49 Yes, he did.
00:42:51 Oh, he lost it. She's been dead for 15 years.
00:42:54 I can't take it. Tell the doctors that they were wrong.
00:42:58 Tell them to put me in a coma.
00:43:03 (coughing)
00:43:05 (coughing)
00:43:34 You can't have him.
00:43:35 You know how this works, Nike.
00:43:39 Yeah, I'm familiar with protocol, but this is different.
00:43:44 Yeah, yeah. How so?
00:43:47 This guy is needed here. He really makes a difference in his community.
00:43:53 Plus, he's funny, and I think we all can agree we need a good laugh right now.
00:44:00 True, true that. But are you sure it's just not because he gives you rotisserie chicken when his wife is looking?
00:44:08 Look, brah, I'm just asking you to let this one slide. You know, the hookup.
00:44:22 You know I can't do that.
00:44:25 Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a job to do.
00:44:29 (dramatic music)
00:44:31 I said no!
00:44:55 You know I can't leave empty-handed.
00:44:58 I know.
00:45:00 Okay, give me seven of your lives and we'll call it a night.
00:45:23 Hmm, I was thinking more like five.
00:45:26 Fine, but this is a one-time deal.
00:45:30 Hey, I appreciate you.
00:45:33 Thanks. See you next week.
00:45:37 Wait, what'd you say?
00:45:40 (sad music)
00:45:42 Good, you're up. How about hooking a kitty up with some rotisserie chicken?
00:45:58 You kinda owe me.
00:46:00 (cat meows)
00:46:03 Story?
00:46:05 What?
00:46:08 Mm-hmm, you know the government got it in for you, girl, right?
00:46:12 They know that I know that they killed Tupac and Biggie.
00:46:17 They also know that I know that Michael Jackson ain't dead.
00:46:22 Mm-hmm.
00:46:24 That's why they put microchips in my ears.
00:46:27 Because they know I know too much.
00:46:30 Oh, hell no. This is more bullshit.
00:46:35 (laughs)
00:46:36 Prince ain't Michael ain't dead. If white people can have Elvis, why can't we have our king and prince?
00:46:42 Mm-hmm.
00:46:44 I've watched this craziness for more than half of my life and I'm tired of it.
00:46:49 Why can't she just stay on her meds and make things easier?
00:46:52 Mom, have you taken your meds?
00:46:59 Have you taken your meds?
00:47:02 I'm serious, Mom. You're talking to yourself again. You sound crazy.
00:47:05 I'm serious too. I peed the bed in two years, seven.
00:47:09 It was only one time and that's because you let me watch the exorcist.
00:47:13 Maybe you need meds.
00:47:15 Pee body, pee body.
00:47:19 I can't deal with this anymore.
00:47:21 Take your meds, crazy old woman.
00:47:24 (music)
00:47:26 Annie B, I don't think I can deal with her anymore.
00:47:39 Now calm down, baby. What's wrong?
00:47:42 What's wrong is your sister's acting crazy again.
00:47:44 She is talking to herself, saying she's got microchips in her ears, and the government's after her.
00:47:50 She's crazy.
00:47:52 Listen, that's your mama.
00:47:53 Boy, you're going to shut that mouth about my sister.
00:47:56 Now listen, a woman trying to raise a young black man by herself isn't that easy.
00:48:01 And Lord knows your father wasn't the best to her.
00:48:03 A woman's mind can be fragile, especially if life doesn't turn out the way she planned.
00:48:07 You have no idea what that man put her through.
00:48:11 Let me tell you a story.
00:48:13 (music)
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00:48:45 (music)
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00:48:48 (music)
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00:48:54 (music)
00:48:56 (music)
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00:49:04 (music)
00:49:06 (music)
00:49:08 (music)
00:49:10 (music)
00:49:13 Why would you do that?
00:49:15 No! No!
00:49:17 [Music]
00:49:19 [Music]
00:49:21 [Music]
00:49:24 [Music]
00:49:26 [Music]
00:49:29 [Music]
00:49:34 [Music]
00:49:40 [Music]
00:49:44 [Music]
00:49:54 [Music]
00:49:57 [Music]
00:50:02 Do you want to end up like her?
00:50:13 I loved her.
00:50:15 She loved me too.
00:50:17 But she didn't respect me.
00:50:19 Don't you ever disrespect me again, bitch.
00:50:22 Don't you tell your father.
00:50:24 He knows he has sisters about our business again.
00:50:26 No.
00:50:28 Or you and your kid are going to end up just like her.
00:50:32 Get her in the back of the car.
00:50:50 You know what you got to do.
00:50:52 You got to kill him.
00:50:59 Hey, B. I understand he was a jerk.
00:51:02 Hell, he even left us when I was four.
00:51:04 And believe me, it's the best thing that ever happened to you guys.
00:51:08 Yes, I know the story.
00:51:10 I'm just wondering that no one found it funny that Aunt Ella would say kill him.
00:51:13 Especially since she had been dead already for ten years.
00:51:17 Let's just say that your father, along with a lot of other people, and even your mother, didn't understand her gifts.
00:51:23 I don't understand them either.
00:51:25 I hear you, honey.
00:51:26 Unfortunately, her not understanding them is eventually what broke her sanity.
00:51:31 You're forgetting the rules, honey.
00:51:33 No, I haven't, Mother.
00:51:35 One, remember I'm dead.
00:51:38 Yes.
00:51:40 Two, only you can hear me.
00:51:43 Are you sure?
00:51:45 I mean, maybe if other people really listened.
00:51:48 Audrey!
00:51:49 Yes, Mother. I remember.
00:51:52 And three, only answer me through your thoughts, or people are going to think you're crazy.
00:51:57 I'm not crazy, right, Mama?
00:52:00 No.
00:52:05 Between her gifts and the abuse she took from your father, her mind finally broke.
00:52:12 That's something I didn't fully understand.
00:52:14 If you guys knew he was beating her, why didn't somebody help?
00:52:17 I got a story for that too.
00:52:19 In fact, it comes from something you told your grandpop when you were three.
00:52:23 Um, so, uh, Chad tells me that you and Audrey have been having a little bit of problems.
00:52:29 Normal marriage stuff. Nothing to concern yourself with.
00:52:36 Well, see now? That's where we're going to have to differ.
00:52:40 What do you mean, differ?
00:52:43 How I handle my business with my wife is my business.
00:52:47 Normally, I'd agree with you, especially knowing how some women's mouths are.
00:52:52 Oh, your daughter has a mouth on her.
00:52:54 You didn't let me finish. You just said the key words right there.
00:52:58 My daughter.
00:53:00 Well, your daughter acts real.
00:53:05 Like a real what?
00:53:08 You know how she can get.
00:53:10 Yeah, I do.
00:53:14 Like I said, it's my daughter we're talking about.
00:53:17 But if I hear of anything like this ever happening again,
00:53:21 I want you to keep one thing in your mind very clear.
00:53:24 In fact, keep it close to your heart.
00:53:28 I'll fuck you up.
00:53:34 I'll fuck you up.
00:53:36 Ha ha. Good old grandpa. I guess I should feel for her.
00:53:47 She was a great woman. She loves you. Just remember that.
00:53:51 I'll try. I will. Thanks, Aunt B.
00:53:54 You're welcome, baby. I love you.
00:53:56 Love you too.
00:53:59 [Music]
00:54:01 Ha ha ha. Oh, you know you always need your mother.
00:54:26 Ha ha ha. I told you before, mommy. I'm not going to end up like you.
00:54:31 I'll talk to you when I need to. Until then, rest easy, ma.
00:54:53 Story 5.
00:54:56 [Music]
00:54:58 Damn it. I can't sleep.
00:55:07 This school situation is really messing with me.
00:55:10 I mean, how do you accuse my baby girl of cheating?
00:55:14 After all she's done for that damn school, too?
00:55:17 I don't get it.
00:55:19 What I really don't get is how I fixed Chick right here next to me to sleep.
00:55:23 Damn. I need something to take my mind off this situation.
00:55:27 I got it.
00:55:29 Psst. You awake?
00:55:35 No.
00:55:37 Ain't you in the mood for some good sweet lovin'?
00:55:42 I really need that extra 30 minutes of sleep.
00:55:46 What if I promised you five?
00:55:49 It's too early in the morning for you to be lying.
00:55:52 Whatever.
00:55:55 You know, if Beyonce ever decides she wants to live the broke life,
00:56:09 one day you're going to look up, girl, and I'm going to be gone.
00:56:12 As long as she knows that you have five kids to support, I'm fine with that.
00:56:16 I don't know what the hell with this.
00:56:18 Might as well go ahead and work on the sink, since I ain't got nothing else better to do.
00:56:23 Dang kids. Always clogging up the sink and breaking things.
00:56:35 Now I gotta spend my time fixing it.
00:56:38 And then this lady. Talk about...
00:56:40 I can use the three minutes to myself.
00:56:43 Knowin' I'm a 60-minute man.
00:56:46 Alright. 10, 15 on a good day maybe, but still.
00:56:50 Oh, man. My arm is killing me.
00:56:54 My chest...
00:56:57 I just don't feel right.
00:56:59 Ahem.
00:57:02 Rose.
00:57:12 Dad?
00:57:18 Dad?
00:57:28 Dad?
00:57:31 Dad?
00:57:34 I don't get it.
00:57:47 What the hell is he doing in there that's taking so long?
00:57:50 Um, we live in a house with three boys.
00:57:53 Must be glad the shower or towels can't get pregnant.
00:57:57 Good morning, baby girl.
00:58:00 Hey, Dad. Where were you? Didn't you hear me calling you?
00:58:02 Barely. I was in the bathroom working.
00:58:05 Is that what you call it now? Working?
00:58:08 Ha ha ha. So now we got jokes?
00:58:11 How are you, baby girl?
00:58:13 I'm alive.
00:58:15 That's a good outlook on things, I guess.
00:58:17 You're not letting this cheating thing get to you, are you?
00:58:20 No, that's just another stupid thing I have to deal with.
00:58:22 You talking about the epilepsy thing?
00:58:24 Mainly, among other things.
00:58:26 Okay, baby girl. Let's talk rap for a little bit.
00:58:30 You kids still say rap, or is it something crazy like...
00:58:33 [imitates rap]
00:58:37 We just say "talk," Dad. Stop trying to be cool.
00:58:40 Okay. Fascism.
00:58:43 Stop.
00:58:44 Okay. So talk to me.
00:58:46 I don't get it. Why me? Why'd this happen to me?
00:58:49 It's not like I'm a bad person. Why me?
00:58:52 I don't know, honey.
00:58:54 Sometimes bad shit just happens to good people for no reason.
00:58:57 But why now? It's my senior year.
00:59:00 I'm captain of our basketball team,
00:59:02 a National Honor Society leader,
00:59:04 peer mentor to troubled kids.
00:59:06 I just don't get it. Why me?
00:59:09 Maybe it's because I'm gay.
00:59:12 Um...
00:59:14 So what does you having to be a happy person all the time
00:59:17 have to do with anything?
00:59:19 Be happy.
00:59:21 It's not a bad thing.
00:59:23 You're talking about being happy, right?
00:59:26 No. Gay.
00:59:29 Listen, baby girl,
00:59:31 I don't care what kind of gay we're talking about.
00:59:34 My only concern is that you're happy and healthy.
00:59:39 Are you?
00:59:41 It wouldn't be as bad if I didn't feel like the weird kid already.
00:59:44 Weird kid? Why would you feel that way?
00:59:48 Other than the fact that you like Pitch Perfect.
00:59:51 Ooh.
00:59:53 I should have seen this a long time ago with the gay thing.
00:59:56 Ha-ha, Dad. Look at me, though.
00:59:58 I'm a funny-looking mixed nerdy kid who dresses funny,
01:00:01 who has frizzy hair, doesn't get asked to dances or even to hang out.
01:00:04 Sad to say, you're probably my best friend.
01:00:06 I'm screwed if you ever die.
01:00:08 First, let me say, your description of yourself isn't weird or nerdy.
01:00:13 It's what smart people call unique.
01:00:16 Well, unique doesn't get many friends.
01:00:18 That's right, and it shouldn't.
01:00:20 Uniqueness deserves uniqueness.
01:00:23 You don't want some old average fool
01:00:25 who can't appreciate you for the special qualities you have.
01:00:28 You're special.
01:00:30 Not because I say so, but because you prove so.
01:00:33 And don't you ever think otherwise.
01:00:36 Thanks, Dad. It's just so rough sometimes.
01:00:39 The teachers scare the people at school.
01:00:41 They look at me even more differently than they did before.
01:00:44 No, trust me.
01:00:46 They aren't looking at you in a funny way or anything.
01:00:48 It's just concern.
01:00:50 This is as new to the school as it is for us.
01:00:54 Oh, yeah. Great concern. They're accusing me of cheating.
01:00:57 Like you said before, you didn't do it, so don't worry about it.
01:01:01 You didn't do it, right?
01:01:04 Dad.
01:01:05 I'm just saying, you know.
01:01:06 You remind me of my mom.
01:01:08 She had that big brain, too.
01:01:10 I heard her aunt say that.
01:01:12 I guess it's like they say. It's gifts of generation.
01:01:15 Smartass. Stop listening to your mother.
01:01:18 I'm the boss up in here.
01:01:20 Rose. Rose, is that you?
01:01:26 Shit.
01:01:28 I'm supposed to be working on the bathroom sink.
01:01:30 What's wrong, Mr. I'm the boss?
01:01:33 Don't worry. I got you.
01:01:35 Thanks, baby girl.
01:01:37 Special, not weird. Love you.
01:01:40 Rose?
01:01:42 Rose, is that you?
01:01:45 Who were you just talking to?
01:01:50 Myself.
01:01:52 Have you seen your father?
01:01:53 He's supposed to be working on the bathroom sink.
01:01:56 I haven't checked. Maybe he's in there.
01:01:58 [music]
01:02:08 [explosion]
01:02:10 [screaming]
01:02:14 Call 911! Call 911!
01:02:17 [crying]
01:02:19 [music]
01:02:25 I don't get it. I was just talking with him a few seconds before he came into the room.
01:02:30 Honey, the doctor said that he has been dead for at least two or three hours.
01:02:34 Rigor mortis already started to set in.
01:02:37 No, I talked with him. We were joking around. He can't be gone.
01:02:41 [music]
01:02:47 Why you crying, baby girl? I know I'm dark. But I'm right here.
01:02:51 They can't hear you, baby.
01:02:53 What? Who said they dead?
01:02:55 [music]
01:03:02 Mommy?
01:03:04 Yes, baby. It's me.
01:03:06 But you're dead. Please tell me I'm dreaming.
01:03:10 No, you're not dreaming.
01:03:14 Oh, shit. Please tell me I'm not dead.
01:03:18 Stop cussing. Yeah, you are.
01:03:20 How? Why? And what the hell is going on?
01:03:24 I said stop cussing.
01:03:26 Heart disease runs on his side of the family.
01:03:29 That's the same thing that my mom Audrey died from.
01:03:32 [music]
01:03:34 Wow. She didn't see me die, did she?
01:03:37 No. Lindsay's a good mom, even though she can't cook.
01:03:41 So, this is the afterlife? Just kind of hanging around, doing nothing?
01:03:45 Not quite. The Almighty allows you to stick around to fulfill purpose.
01:03:50 I don't stick around.
01:03:52 You died hours before Lindsay found you.
01:03:55 What?
01:03:56 If Rose would have found you first, the future would be a great new alter.
01:04:00 Great new alter in the future? So I'm kind of like Super Negro?
01:04:04 More like Super Fool. Just shut up and listen.
01:04:07 My grandbaby was in a bad place that morning.
01:04:10 If you never had that talk with her, she committed suicide later that week after you died.
01:04:15 At that point, she felt only you understood her, and she wanted to join you.
01:04:20 But she doesn't do it, right? She doesn't do it, right?
01:04:26 No, she doesn't. Because your talk made her realize her worth in life, and being gay is okay.
01:04:33 And because of that, she goes on to find the cure for epilepsy while in graduate school at Princeton.
01:04:38 She becomes the youngest person to win the Nobel Prize in Medicine, in Science, in Physics.
01:04:45 Damn, baby girl.
01:04:47 It gets better. She becomes the first female president ever.
01:04:52 Damn, I did real good.
01:04:55 But why are you still here?
01:04:57 I've always been here. I'm Rose's guardian angel.
01:05:01 Remember her imaginary friend, Momo?
01:05:04 Momo? Yeah, she spelled it M-O-M-O.
01:05:10 Thought she was crazy.
01:05:12 Played Lindsay's side of the family.
01:05:14 You just added M before the O.
01:05:16 Oh, Mama!
01:05:20 So am I going to be her guardian angel too?
01:05:23 No. Only one pretty-ass child.
01:05:27 You'll get your younger daughter, Jordan.
01:05:29 Trust me, you can't speak for her. That girl is bad.
01:05:32 So, how do I talk to her? I mean, like, what's the big secret?
01:05:37 You go watch her sleep in.
01:05:39 Not everyone's mind is open enough to hear you, even then, but she is.
01:05:44 As is Rose. As we do.
01:05:48 Huh? Me?
01:05:51 That's a story for another time. But for now, let me show you how it's done.
01:06:00 Hi, sweetie. I'm going to help you understand the laws of thermodynamics a little better.
01:06:06 The zero law of thermodynamics states that if two thermodynamic systems are in thermal equilibrium with a third,
01:06:14 then they are in thermal equilibrium with each other.
01:06:17 Example, if body A would be in thermal equilibrium with two other bodies, B and C,
01:06:24 then B and C are in thermal equilibrium.
01:06:28 [Music]
01:06:34 Story 6
01:06:38 Just keep your fucking hands up, Mustafa, or whatever your sand-nigger name is, and move slowly to the cash register.
01:06:44 You guys keep a lookout, just like we planned.
01:06:47 I already own it. Just hurry up and get the money from the dot-head.
01:06:54 I must say, your racial slurs are quite bad.
01:06:58 Sand-nigger, dot-head, I'm neither Iranian nor Hindu.
01:07:02 You really suck as they say, balls at the insults.
01:07:06 Yo, man, he's really clowning you. You going to take that from Haji?
01:07:10 Man, you are even worse than him with the insults.
01:07:13 You are an even bigger ball-sucker than he is.
01:07:17 [Groans]
01:07:19 What do you got, man? How much is in there?
01:07:22 Twenty-two freaking dollars?
01:07:25 That's it? Twenty-two dollars?
01:07:28 I thought you said this place was a gold mine.
01:07:31 Must have already made a fucking safe drop on the floor.
01:07:34 Didn't you chase the place out to see what time he made his drops?
01:07:38 That wasn't my job, it was Duke's.
01:07:40 So you let your crack-head brother do surveillance?
01:07:43 Hey, fuck you, motherfucker. Your dumb ass can't even spell surveillance.
01:07:47 His tweaking ass probably missed on whole surveillance because he was off getting high.
01:07:51 There you go again. Spell surveillance.
01:07:54 Go on, spell it.
01:07:56 You can't because you just dropped out of the third grade, you dumb ass.
01:07:59 Will both of you shut the fuck up?
01:08:02 I'm just saying, you should only stick to words you can spell like cat and dog.
01:08:07 My arm, my fucking arm.
01:08:09 Oh, goddamn, who near shot him?
01:08:11 Say goodnight, Aladdin.
01:08:13 You two are really big suckers of balls.
01:08:16 I'm Nigerian.
01:08:19 [crying]
01:08:22 Well, what do we have here?
01:08:25 [meow]
01:08:27 Did you hear that? Can you feel that, Rhonda?
01:08:32 I heard a faint noise, I think.
01:08:35 As far as feeling something, you seem to forget you're the empath, not I.
01:08:40 It's a little girl, and she's scared.
01:08:42 Very scared. Rhonda, call the police.
01:08:45 Go. Do your thing. I'll fall behind and call the police.
01:08:49 Well, what do we have here?
01:08:56 Little naked girl, it looks like.
01:08:59 Let's have some fun, boys.
01:09:02 And there it is. Easily the smallest dick in the city.
01:09:08 I'm betting you two other clowns easily give him a run for his money, though.
01:09:12 What do you say you put teeny weeny wee willy wee wee away, you piece of shit pedophile?
01:09:18 Do you think it was the weeny joke, or the piece of poop comment that's got him mad?
01:09:26 The weeny?
01:09:28 What the fuck just happened? Did you miss?
01:09:31 No, I don't think so.
01:09:33 Shoot his ass again.
01:09:35 Where the fuck have you got a gun?
01:09:36 It's empty. I'm holding it for intimidation.
01:09:41 You know what's intimidating? A gun with bullets in it.
01:09:45 Will somebody please shoot this motherfucker?
01:09:48 I'll do one better.
01:09:50 Oh, fuck. This Houdini shit. I'm out of here.
01:10:02 Fuck it. Let's rush his ass. Let's see if this magic cake can protect him from an ass stomping.
01:10:07 Oh, this should be interesting.
01:10:10 I'm going to cover you with this because you shouldn't see what's about to happen.
01:10:14 It ain't going to be pretty.
01:10:16 Maybe cover your ears and sing a song you like out loud.
01:10:20 Really loud.
01:10:22 Okay.
01:10:23 Hot shit.
01:10:24 I'm going.
01:10:29 (Song)
01:10:32 I can feel it.
01:10:49 You really wanted to kill her father.
01:10:52 And you were going to really rape her.
01:10:54 A little girl.
01:10:56 I sense that this hatred and sickness in you won't ever change.
01:11:00 You'll hurt other people.
01:11:02 If I don't stop you now.
01:11:04 It's been decided.
01:11:07 Country grammar? Really?
01:11:15 We love Nelly. You should hear my dad.
01:11:18 Oh my God, Daddy.
01:11:20 He's going to live.
01:11:23 Thank you. Thank you, mister. You must be an angel.
01:11:27 Not quite. My father was. For a while.
01:11:32 Well, what's your name, mister?
01:11:34 (Song)
01:12:02 Ladies and gentlemen, Sariel.
01:12:05 They call me Brother to the Night.
01:12:08 I want to be the bruise in your left eye.
01:12:11 And the funk in your right.
01:12:13 Let's go.
01:12:16 (Cheering)
01:12:18 (Song)
01:12:28 (Song)
01:12:31 (Song)
01:12:34 (Song)
01:12:37 (Song)
01:12:40 (Song)
01:12:44 (Song)
01:12:47 (Song)
01:12:51 (Song)
01:12:55 (Song)
01:12:59 (Song)
01:13:02 (Song)
01:13:05 (Song)
01:13:09 (Song)
01:13:13 (Song)
01:13:16 (futuristic music)
01:13:18 (futuristic music)
01:13:21 (futuristic music)
01:13:28 (futuristic music)
01:13:44 (futuristic music)
01:13:47 (upbeat music)
01:14:11 (upbeat music)
01:14:14 (upbeat music)
01:14:17 (upbeat music)
01:14:19 (upbeat music)
01:14:22 (upbeat music)
01:14:24 (upbeat music)
01:14:30 (upbeat music)
01:14:39 (upbeat music)
01:14:49 (upbeat music)
01:14:52 (upbeat music)
01:15:00 (upbeat music)
01:15:17 (upbeat music)
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01:15:30 (upbeat music)
01:15:45 (upbeat music)
01:15:48 (upbeat music)
01:16:12 (upbeat music)
01:16:14 - I know what you think.
01:16:20 Rain, lightning, typical vigilante trail cliches.
01:16:24 But that ain't me.
01:16:26 Sure, I'm in the path of the blessed,
01:16:28 magical, mystical suit.
01:16:30 But I'm also so much more.
01:16:32 I'm a romantic, a philosopher.
01:16:36 Yes, yes, I think very deeply.
01:16:40 (dramatic music)
01:16:42 Let me tell you though,
01:16:45 I'm just a plain old evil soul
01:16:46 with no hopes of redemption.
01:16:48 I'm also a judge, jury, and executioner.
01:16:51 You best believe I'll kill that ass.
01:16:54 (dramatic music)
01:16:57 (upbeat music)
01:17:07 (upbeat music)
01:17:10 - Any friend or any foe?
01:17:27 Like, I don't know.
01:17:35 It's like you came out of nowhere, man.
01:17:37 This is it.
01:17:38 (dramatic music)
01:17:42 Any friend or any foe?
01:18:01 Or any foe?
01:18:02 The end.
01:18:07 (laughing)
01:18:11 [BLANK_AUDIO]