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TVTranscript
00:00:00 [MUSIC]
00:00:10 [MUSIC]
00:00:35 This is a story about stick figures who live in a world full of monsters and
00:00:43 explosions and raccoons and a lot of other cool stuff too.
00:00:49 And it all takes place on a little planet we like to call Earth.
00:00:57 There it is.
00:00:59 [MUSIC]
00:01:09 >> Bird, who the fuck cares?
00:01:14 >> I got the words before lunch.
00:01:16 >> My God, you think there's gonna be boys at this school or what?
00:01:19 >> Ew, boys have cooties.
00:01:22 [MUSIC]
00:01:24 >> Adios, assholes, I'm late for a rave.
00:01:28 >> Yes, I'm in.
00:01:32 No, no, I'm the strongest, I'm in.
00:01:35 [MUSIC]
00:01:38 >> [LAUGH]
00:01:44 >> Where'd you learn to walk?
00:01:45 Cripple school, nice.
00:01:47 >> If you're happy and you don't crap your hands.
00:01:51 >> Hey, bitch, you want a pixie stick?
00:01:53 >> My mom says those turn you into a whore.
00:01:55 >> Probably.
00:01:56 >> Hello, blue.
00:01:58 >> Hey, Lord Tourette's.
00:01:59 >> First day of class?
00:02:01 >> Yeah.
00:02:01 >> Splendid, might as well.
00:02:03 Say, there's a young jerkface looking for you.
00:02:06 Says he wants to beat your back until you die.
00:02:09 Well, ta-ta.
00:02:10 [LAUGH]
00:02:11 [MUSIC]
00:02:14 >> Wee.
00:02:16 >> Sup, bruh?
00:02:17 You new here or what?
00:02:18 >> Yeah, first day.
00:02:20 >> Must be, cuz otherwise you'd know to eat the sea sauce for fifth graders.
00:02:25 >> Sorry, I didn't know.
00:02:26 >> Yeah, prize for playing on the fifth grade playground is your milk money.
00:02:31 >> [SOUND]
00:02:34 >> But I'm lactose intolerant.
00:02:36 >> Really?
00:02:37 Well, let's see if you're fist-ose intolerant.
00:02:39 >> [SOUND]
00:02:42 >> What's the matter, blue kid?
00:02:44 >> My mom says I drink too much water, that's how come I cry so much.
00:02:47 >> And pee.
00:02:49 >> Gross.
00:02:49 >> [SOUND]
00:02:51 >> You know, I got held back five years, but my muscles didn't.
00:02:55 >> [SOUND]
00:02:57 >> Old McDonald had a farm, now you're gonna die, nerd.
00:03:02 >> [SOUND]
00:03:05 >> What is that?
00:03:07 >> Look, it's an asteroid.
00:03:10 >> Dude, dude, dude.
00:03:11 [SOUND]
00:03:13 [MUSIC]
00:03:24 >> Sup?
00:03:27 >> My God, what's that?
00:03:31 >> It's a new kid, get him.
00:03:33 [MUSIC]
00:03:43 >> No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:03:53 [MUSIC]
00:04:03 [SOUND]
00:04:13 [MUSIC]
00:04:23 [SOUND]
00:04:33 [MUSIC]
00:04:43 >> My God, you're so sexy.
00:04:56 >> I know.
00:04:57 >> Dude, you saved my life.
00:04:59 >> I know.
00:04:59 >> What's your name?
00:05:00 >> I know, I mean, I'm red.
00:05:03 My name's blue.
00:05:04 No matter what happens, I promise, I will always be your friend.
00:05:09 >> I know, cuz I'm awesome.
00:05:11 [SOUND]
00:05:13 [MUSIC]
00:05:24 [MUSIC]
00:05:34 [MUSIC]
00:05:45 [MUSIC]
00:05:55 [MUSIC]
00:06:05 >> Gelato?
00:06:19 >> Come here.
00:06:21 [MUSIC]
00:06:31 >> Come on, blue, please.
00:06:36 >> I'm not gonna tell you.
00:06:37 >> Please, please, please.
00:06:39 >> No way, I got you the greatest birthday present of all time.
00:06:42 I'm not gonna spoil the surprise.
00:06:44 >> You're such a jerk.
00:06:46 >> My God.
00:06:48 >> Wow, you're a jerk and a wuss.
00:06:51 >> No.
00:06:52 >> All right, you pussy, I gotta go to work.
00:06:57 [MUSIC]
00:07:01 >> I can't wait to see what you get me for my birthday.
00:07:04 >> Hey, toots.
00:07:05 >> Go to hell, red.
00:07:06 >> Okay, see you there.
00:07:07 [MUSIC]
00:07:08 >> Hey, gelato.
00:07:10 [MUSIC]
00:07:11 >> Gelato.
00:07:12 >> Dude, this place is a dump.
00:07:13 >> You know where there is a dump?
00:07:14 Your bed.
00:07:15 [LAUGH]
00:07:16 >> God damn it, dude, not again.
00:07:17 Use the toilet.
00:07:19 [MUSIC]
00:07:20 >> Gelato.
00:07:21 [MUSIC]
00:07:24 >> Mr. Dingleberry.
00:07:25 >> You haven't paid rent in eight months.
00:07:27 >> My God, you're right.
00:07:29 Here, let me get my checkbook.
00:07:31 >> Okay, I'll just wait right here.
00:07:34 [MUSIC]
00:07:35 >> Gelato.
00:07:36 >> Gel, pocket.
00:07:38 [MUSIC]
00:07:40 >> Expired, expired, rotten, poison.
00:07:43 >> Dude, you've been playing that first level for three hours.
00:07:46 Can you really not make that jump?
00:07:47 >> I can make it.
00:07:48 I just hate that little guy.
00:07:50 >> Go, papalia.
00:07:53 >> Move over.
00:07:54 I've got a degree in advanced joystick theory and I ain't afraid to use it.
00:07:57 >> Yeah, I heard you practicing last night.
00:07:59 >> Olivia, oh my, you do it for me every time.
00:08:04 >> There, done with this hand-crocheted towel of Olivia Munn.
00:08:07 Time to jack off.
00:08:08 Let me show you how this shit's done, son.
00:08:10 The fuck?
00:08:12 Who took the lights?
00:08:13 I mean, we haven't paid the electricity bill in seven months.
00:08:15 >> We pay for electricity?
00:08:17 >> You don't.
00:08:18 I do.
00:08:19 >> Wait.
00:08:20 All of our food's going to go bad.
00:08:22 >> All of our food is bad.
00:08:24 >> Can't live.
00:08:27 Precious food.
00:08:28 Go to waste.
00:08:29 >> Dude, you know that's all expired.
00:08:31 >> I don't care.
00:08:35 >> Oh, God, not the milk.
00:08:38 >> I'll keep you safe in my belly, cow juice.
00:08:41 I'm going to fall.
00:08:42 >> Hey, listen, I've got a big problem.
00:08:44 I totally just lied to pink.
00:08:46 Her birthday's next week and I told her I got her the greatest gift of all time, but I didn't get her anything.
00:08:53 >> Give her this mayonnaise jar.
00:08:55 >> No, come on.
00:08:56 You know what girls like, right?
00:08:58 What should I get her?
00:08:59 >> Hey, you should go see the raccoon.
00:09:01 >> See who?
00:09:02 >> The raccoon.
00:09:03 >> What are you trying to say?
00:09:05 >> I can only say so many words before --
00:09:10 The raccoon.
00:09:11 >> Oh.
00:09:14 >> He's got the coolest stuff.
00:09:20 >> Yeesh, I don't know if I should get my girlfriend a gift in the pawn shop.
00:09:24 >> You should get her this cool hat.
00:09:26 >> Yeah, try it on.
00:09:27 >> So you want a gift for your girlfriend, eh?
00:09:32 >> Whoa, how did you know?
00:09:34 >> You talk very loud.
00:09:38 >> Did you touch that fucking bear trap?
00:09:41 >> No.
00:09:42 Idiot.
00:09:43 >> So me and my girlfriend have been dating a long time and I want to get her something super romantic.
00:09:48 >> I've got the perfect gift for you.
00:09:51 But first, a story.
00:09:54 >> No, old people stories.
00:09:57 >> A long time ago in ancient Japan, my country was at war.
00:10:03 My small village was all that was left.
00:10:06 Knowing I may die in battle, I gave my wife a symbol of undying love, a lotus flower.
00:10:14 Armed with the weapon of my ancestors, the greatest sword of destiny, I left to confront my fate.
00:10:22 But a mighty beast, Ochomuete, emerged from the sea and took my wife.
00:10:30 I was too late.
00:10:32 In my rage, I fought the Takagami Demon Army and slew ten hundred thousand hundred warriors.
00:10:41 Under a blade, all that remained was the Lord Takagami himself.
00:10:47 Though wounded, he shattered the blade and scattered it to the wind.
00:10:51 As he lay dying, he said to me, "Fuck you."
00:10:56 He was a douchebag.
00:10:58 You may have won the battle, Raccoon, but the ghosts of my warriors will haunt the great sword of destiny forever.
00:11:07 And with that, he died.
00:11:09 But his curse remains, guarding the sword against any who may seek to use its great power again.
00:11:17 But the power of the blade was too strong even for me.
00:11:21 And in the fury of battle, I found I destroyed not only the Takagami Demon Army, but all of Japan.
00:11:30 Dishonored, my kinsmen banished me from my home.
00:11:35 Never again to return.
00:11:38 Sorry, I was bored by my own story.
00:11:44 Wait, so where's the sword?
00:11:46 There is only one left alive who knows.
00:11:49 Who? Hold up, why the hell would I give Pink a sword?
00:11:52 This is retarded.
00:11:53 No! Bring me the sword, and in return, I shall give you the greatest gift a girl, no, a woman, no, a goddess could hope to ever receive.
00:12:05 Is it a dick?
00:12:07 Yes. Oh, really?
00:12:08 No. Ha ha ha, you're very gutterable.
00:12:11 Well, who even knows where it still is?
00:12:13 You must find the man who considers me his greatest enemy.
00:12:18 My son, Zan Zan.
00:12:21 Nope, you're weird. I'm just gonna go buy her some flowers.
00:12:30 Shit, I'll find that sword. It sounds awesome.
00:12:33 What? Really?
00:12:34 Yeah, man. It's a 10,000 year old sword, hidden in Japan, guarded by demon ninjas?
00:12:40 That's the most awesome thing I've ever heard of.
00:12:42 Dude, you're gonna get yourself killed going after that thing.
00:12:45 Maybe, but at least I'm not a goddamn pussy.
00:12:48 I'm not a pussy.
00:12:49 You are a pussy with a copator vagina.
00:12:53 I told you about the braid because I thought you would have the courage to do something extraordinary.
00:13:00 Yeah, right. All he does all day is sit in his room playing with his joystick. He'd totally get killed.
00:13:06 Have fun staying home, man. I'll send you a postcard.
00:13:12 This was a mistake. Only a true hero could find the greatest sword of destiny.
00:13:19 But I can see now, it is not you.
00:13:23 You're wrong.
00:13:28 Oh?
00:13:29 Yeah. I'm gonna find the shit out of that sword.
00:13:32 It's going to be very dangerous.
00:13:34 Good. Pussies hate danger. And I'm not a pussy.
00:13:39 Gimme that!
00:13:44 Oh yeah! Time to get our quest on!
00:13:48 Woo!
00:13:49 Okay, maybe I was wrong. This is pretty scary.
00:13:58 Seriously?
00:13:59 Do you want to get Pink a sick present or not?
00:14:01 Okay, okay, okay, okay. Let's go.
00:14:03 Oh yeah. Follow my lead.
00:14:08 Oh crap, there's guards. What do we do?
00:14:11 Cartwheel.
00:14:12 Cartwheel?
00:14:13 Holy shit! Did you see that?
00:14:17 No.
00:14:18 Me neither.
00:14:19 Hey you! How did you get behind those crates?
00:14:22 Cartwheel, dude!
00:14:23 Where did he go?
00:14:26 Damn, cartwheels every time.
00:14:28 Woo! See? How would you have any fun without me?
00:14:33 Reading is fun.
00:14:34 Or mom's fun.
00:14:36 Now let's find ourselves a boat.
00:14:38 How about this one?
00:14:41 It's perfect.
00:14:47 Dude, let's just get on that one.
00:14:49 No way! Have you seen how awesome this thing is?
00:14:53 The guns have guns.
00:14:54 This one's got boobs and beer.
00:14:57 And poop.
00:14:58 I'm gonna regret this.
00:15:03 Oh brah!
00:15:05 This booze cruise is for college house dudes and dudettes only.
00:15:09 Hm?
00:15:10 Oh, holy shit! You're that freshman 15 dude, dude!
00:15:13 Didn't you like nail 15 freshman chicks in like one night?
00:15:16 Naked party!
00:15:17 Here we go!
00:15:18 Woo!
00:15:19 Oh shit, that's like four!
00:15:22 Fuck my life!
00:15:23 Oh yeah, that's back in my college years.
00:15:26 Can't believe it's only 15.
00:15:28 Yes, brah, yes! That's what I'm talking about!
00:15:31 Dude, welcome aboard bro-dude-bro.
00:15:33 Kegs are on the poop deck, babes on the port side.
00:15:35 Watch out for Neptune.
00:15:37 Ah, party foul!
00:15:39 Woo! City's here, I come!
00:15:42 Oh wow, that was way easy.
00:15:44 Oh, brah, this party train sailing for port? Cool.
00:15:47 So consider yourself the third wheel.
00:15:49 Wait, but I thought we were cool.
00:15:51 You thought thinking was cool? Dude.
00:15:53 What the hell?
00:15:57 Sorry, dude!
00:15:58 Should have paid more freshman chicks!
00:16:00 How the fuck am I gonna get to Japan?
00:16:02 Take your car, stupid!
00:16:04 Hey, we only have room for one more pallet!
00:16:07 Should we load the beer or the life vest?
00:16:09 Load the beer!
00:16:11 No regrets!
00:16:12 No regrets!
00:16:13 Let's get this party started!
00:16:21 Get it, DJ! Make that take off!
00:16:24 Drop!
00:16:26 (upbeat music)
00:16:28 And so Red and Blue took a booze cruise across the ocean blue.
00:16:36 But they were attacked by pirates and they were all beheaded!
00:16:39 Just kidding.
00:16:41 They all got sea scurvy and died head up their butts.
00:16:44 No, no, these are all lies.
00:16:46 Unfortunately, they made it to Japan.
00:16:49 The pirates sounded pretty cool, right?
00:16:51 All right, here's Japan.
00:16:53 Woo!
00:16:55 All right!
00:16:56 (train horn)
00:16:59 Konnichiwa!
00:17:09 Dude, this place is so racist!
00:17:12 Boss, pay for 'em, bitches!
00:17:14 You ladies wanna sumo wrestle?
00:17:17 I'm gonna die here.
00:17:19 See, dudes? No regrets!
00:17:21 No regrets, dudes!
00:17:23 I'm so happy!
00:17:25 (cheering)
00:17:27 (groaning)
00:17:32 (speaking Japanese)
00:17:39 I am so angry!
00:17:49 I'm failing at Ninja Video Game Academy!
00:17:51 Oh, well, have it when Blue Sun comes out, I'm in love with him.
00:17:53 (groaning)
00:17:54 Fuck you!
00:17:56 ♪ Why do the koi fish cry? ♪
00:17:58 ♪ Why do the koi fish die, die, die? ♪
00:18:01 Eh, this place is too cartoony for me.
00:18:03 ♪ Why do the koi fish cry? ♪
00:18:06 (stammering)
00:18:08 Oh, sick ramen!
00:18:12 This is some crunchy-ass rice.
00:18:14 Red, that's a bowl of tiny cell phones.
00:18:16 (phone ringing)
00:18:17 I've had a lot of painful poops,
00:18:19 but this is gonna be a bad one.
00:18:21 Yeah, good luck with that.
00:18:23 (laughing)
00:18:24 (speaking Japanese)
00:18:26 Oh, yeah, wow, that would be great, thanks!
00:18:28 Domo arigato.
00:18:30 (speaking Japanese)
00:18:31 Um, we're trying to get to this restaurant.
00:18:33 Do you know it?
00:18:34 (laughing)
00:18:35 (speaking Japanese)
00:18:37 Are you okay?
00:18:38 (speaking Japanese)
00:18:41 What is wrong with her face?
00:18:43 (speaking Japanese)
00:18:46 (speaking Japanese)
00:18:48 Mm-hmm, yeah, uh-huh.
00:18:50 You are extremely unhelpful.
00:18:52 (speaking Japanese)
00:18:54 (all groaning)
00:19:01 Oh, my God.
00:19:05 All those animes were documentaries.
00:19:14 Ah, that sushi restaurant better be close.
00:19:16 I'm hungry for some more cell phones.
00:19:18 (phone ringing)
00:19:19 Dude, I think we're here.
00:19:21 How are we gonna know what the raccoon's kid even looks like?
00:19:29 Please, have a seat.
00:19:32 Huh, guess he's not here.
00:19:34 Can I help you?
00:19:38 Konnichiwa.
00:19:39 We, uh, we've traveled a long way to find this village.
00:19:43 Do you know the raccoon?
00:19:45 (growling)
00:19:46 The raccoon?
00:19:47 I hate that guy.
00:19:49 His voice sounds so stupid.
00:19:51 All right, guys?
00:19:52 Ha ha ha, totally.
00:19:54 Eat your noodles.
00:19:55 I don't want to eat my noodles.
00:19:57 I am Sansan, son of Papa-san,
00:20:01 the one you call the raccoon.
00:20:04 What?
00:20:06 This is my wife, wife-san,
00:20:08 and my son, grandson-san.
00:20:11 Huh, raccoon looks nothing like his family.
00:20:14 A family he abandoned when he dishonored the mighty Hapan
00:20:17 with the greatest sword of destiny.
00:20:20 It was too powerful for him,
00:20:22 and you will never find it.
00:20:24 Oh, this is some bullshit!
00:20:28 I want some goddamn sushi!
00:20:30 I will cut the sushi after I cut you!
00:20:35 Wasabi!
00:20:40 Ah, a spicy seaweed!
00:20:42 Ah, miso!
00:20:44 Ah, hot tea!
00:20:47 Oh, raccoon, oh, okay.
00:20:51 I will make you sushi.
00:20:53 Oh, thank Godzilla.
00:20:58 I think I like the cell phones better.
00:21:02 So the raccoon, uh, Papa-san,
00:21:04 said that you'd know where to find the sword?
00:21:06 I swore an oath that I would never reveal the location of the weapon
00:21:09 so it may never fall into his hands again.
00:21:12 Oh, no, it's not for the raccoon. It's for me.
00:21:14 Oh, well, that's fine.
00:21:16 It's just up at that mountain.
00:21:18 Nope.
00:21:26 Whoo!
00:21:29 Grr, grandson, you're so fat.
00:21:31 I had a whole bowl of cell phones for lunch.
00:21:33 Ah, that explains it.
00:21:36 [dramatic music]
00:21:38 Oh, say.
00:21:41 Oh, damn, I bet they got hella swords in there.
00:21:44 Hey, hey, wait, you know, pay!
00:21:46 [gunshot]
00:21:47 [whimpering]
00:21:49 Mr. Makasan, you stop. Very dangerous.
00:21:52 You go no further.
00:21:53 Sorry, man, we're kind of getting our quest on.
00:21:55 Yeah, don't worry about it, pussy.
00:21:57 Getting my quest on.
00:21:58 Singing the quest song.
00:22:00 Watch the girl kick in the...
00:22:01 Red, dude, wait!
00:22:03 All the girls are like...
00:22:05 This motherfucker made it.
00:22:07 Boulders, arrows, sticks, and fire.
00:22:10 I'm not scared of anything.
00:22:12 Not even fire.
00:22:13 A creepy-ass castle in the mountains.
00:22:15 Walk right inside and I'll kick it in the ass.
00:22:18 [screaming]
00:22:20 Hey.
00:22:22 Ow, a splinter.
00:22:24 This place might be dangerous after all.
00:22:27 Whoa, there it is.
00:22:31 Man, that little panda was right.
00:22:34 Oh, my God, that's a bad one.
00:22:46 Invasive maneuvers.
00:22:48 Huh?
00:22:58 It's just the hilt of the sword.
00:23:01 The what of the sword?
00:23:03 It's just the handle.
00:23:04 That sucks.
00:23:05 You think?
00:23:06 We came all this way for the goddamn handle?
00:23:09 Man, this is a cool drawing.
00:23:10 It's got, like, all three continents.
00:23:12 You mean continents?
00:23:14 Yeah, uh, there's Squiggle, Super Squiggle, and America.
00:23:19 Which one are we on now?
00:23:20 We're on Squiggle.
00:23:22 So there's two pieces left?
00:23:24 I guess so, I don't fucking know.
00:23:26 [all grunting]
00:23:28 Oh, hey, guys, what's up?
00:23:42 We are the Takagami Demon Army.
00:23:45 Our blades burn like fire, and our fire stings like ice,
00:23:50 and our ice is really fucking cold.
00:23:54 We are cursed to protect the great sword of destiny
00:23:57 from anyone who seek to use its mighty power.
00:24:01 We don't want to use it.
00:24:03 I just wanted a birthday present for my girlfriend.
00:24:06 Then we shall kill her, too, 'cause she will have the sword.
00:24:09 Wait, dude, can't we talk about this?
00:24:12 The only thing we're going to talk about
00:24:15 is how dead you're about to be.
00:24:19 Blackbeard, this fighting sucks.
00:24:21 Run for it.
00:24:22 We're going to seize their souls!
00:24:24 From our point of view, they are the villains, not us.
00:24:27 Dude, that fish craved.
00:24:32 Stop running your mouth and start running your legs.
00:24:34 Why? Are the cops coming?
00:24:36 Yes.
00:24:37 [screaming]
00:24:39 This is all your fault.
00:24:46 How do I ever let you talk me into this?
00:24:48 Dude, shut up, the cops are coming!
00:24:50 Cops are demons!
00:24:52 Oh, really?
00:24:53 Why do demons scare you less than cops?
00:24:55 Demons don't have guns!
00:24:57 I should have never gone on this stupid quest.
00:25:14 I would have been better off being in that bear trap.
00:25:16 Oh, you mean that sweet hat?
00:25:18 [grunting]
00:25:21 [grunting]
00:25:23 [grunting]
00:25:25 Red, come on!
00:25:53 [grunting]
00:25:55 Be very careful with that dynamite.
00:26:02 It's going to the explosion factory.
00:26:04 [screaming]
00:26:06 [screaming]
00:26:21 [gasps]
00:26:22 Holy crap, we made it.
00:26:24 And we're floating away!
00:26:26 What you talking about?
00:26:27 I mean, the tides are carrying us out to sea!
00:26:29 Oh, yeah! Bermuda Triangle, here we come!
00:26:33 Well, what are we going to do?
00:26:34 I don't know, but hey, at least we got sushi.
00:26:37 [screaming]
00:26:39 See you in Japan!
00:26:40 You think crazy!
00:26:42 Robo trip!
00:26:49 Woo!
00:26:50 Will you shut up?
00:26:51 I don't know if you noticed or not, but we're in some deep shit.
00:26:53 Uh, I think it's called a rowboat.
00:26:55 That isn't funny!
00:26:56 We're stuck in the middle of the ocean with only the hilt of this stupid sword,
00:26:59 and now we're going to die out here and I'm going to miss Pink's birthday!
00:27:01 I don't know why you're doing all this crazy stuff for her anyway.
00:27:04 Who cares? She's just a girl.
00:27:06 Well, I love her, okay? That's why.
00:27:09 What does that mean?
00:27:12 Wait, you really don't know what love means?
00:27:15 Of course you don't.
00:27:16 It's this feeling you get when you see someone deep down inside of you.
00:27:20 Your heart starts pumping and you just feel happy all over.
00:27:23 It's the strongest, most wonderful feeling you can have for someone.
00:27:27 So you mean a boner?
00:27:28 No!
00:27:29 Dude, I'm in love all day!
00:27:30 You are such an idiot!
00:27:32 I wouldn't do all this for a boner.
00:27:33 I'd just go online and look up pictures of your mom.
00:27:36 Shut up! I'm doing this because I think she's in love with me too.
00:27:39 No way, man. She likes me.
00:27:42 What?
00:27:43 Dude, she's always giving me those dirty looks.
00:27:46 Because she hates you!
00:27:47 Red, not every girl in the world thinks you're cool, hot shit.
00:27:50 Yeah, they do.
00:27:51 Why do you think I beat up all those bullies back in kindergarten?
00:27:54 To save my life?
00:27:56 [laughs]
00:27:58 What? No!
00:28:00 Dude, I was trying to impress all those chicks.
00:28:03 What?
00:28:04 Yeah, it worked pretty good too.
00:28:06 You beat me up, embarrassed me, screwed my ex-girlfriends,
00:28:08 crafted my bed, stole my shit,
00:28:10 eaten my food and taken my money for years!
00:28:13 And I stayed friends with you this whole time because for some reason,
00:28:16 I actually thought you were my friend too!
00:28:18 Well, you must feel pretty stupid.
00:28:21 Fuck you!
00:28:23 [screams]
00:28:24 [explosion]
00:28:25 [music]
00:28:27 [punches]
00:28:28 You're such an asshole!
00:28:29 I can't believe you let me think we were actually friends!
00:28:31 [punches]
00:28:32 Well, maybe I'd be friends with you if you weren't such a gotcha!
00:28:35 Loser all the time!
00:28:36 [punches]
00:28:37 I'm a loser!
00:28:39 I caught you masturbating to Animal Planet!
00:28:41 [punches]
00:28:42 That was one time!
00:28:43 You're just racist against elephants!
00:28:45 [punches]
00:28:47 I can't believe I stuck by your side for 20 goddamn years!
00:28:50 I'm not your friend anymore!
00:28:53 Good! I'm not yours!
00:28:54 Great! Awesome!
00:28:56 Good! I'm glad!
00:28:57 [explosion]
00:28:58 [screams]
00:28:59 [thunder]
00:29:01 [coughs]
00:29:03 [coughs]
00:29:05 [coughs]
00:29:07 [screams]
00:29:09 [screams]
00:29:11 [explosion]
00:29:13 [music]
00:29:29 Hey baby! This one's for you!
00:29:32 Oh my god! Who is that?
00:29:34 [coughs]
00:29:36 [coughs]
00:29:38 Yeah!
00:29:40 So, what are you doing after recess?
00:29:43 [thunder]
00:29:44 [screams]
00:29:45 [panting]
00:29:48 Huh?
00:29:49 Holy shit.
00:29:51 Red? Red, are you dead?
00:29:54 Nah, man. Just tanning my back.
00:29:57 Goddamn it.
00:29:58 Where are we?
00:30:00 We're in paradise, man!
00:30:02 [makes airplane noises]
00:30:03 No we're not! We're on deserted island!
00:30:05 We should really sail the dinner island first!
00:30:08 No, deserted island! Oh my god.
00:30:10 Huh? Is there a burrito island?
00:30:12 That sounds way better.
00:30:13 Oh my god. Oh my god, I'm actually gonna die.
00:30:16 I'm gonna die next to an asshole and I'll never see pink's boobs again!
00:30:19 Yeah, and I'm getting real worried this place doesn't have internet.
00:30:22 Oh shit, maybe.
00:30:24 [panting]
00:30:25 Oh no, where's my phone?
00:30:27 Wait, dude! Do you need a bowl full of tiny cell phones for lunch?
00:30:29 Oh yeah!
00:30:31 [makes phone noises]
00:30:34 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Come on!
00:30:36 [makes phone noises]
00:30:38 Dude!
00:30:39 [makes phone noises]
00:30:40 It's not coming out.
00:30:41 [makes phone noises]
00:30:45 Here, let me try.
00:30:46 [makes phone noises]
00:30:47 Ow! Not so hard, asshole!
00:30:48 How about this?
00:30:49 [makes phone noises]
00:30:50 Stop it! Let me just try to dial it with my butt muscles.
00:30:54 [makes phone noises]
00:30:58 Yep, this is my nightmare.
00:31:00 [phone rings]
00:31:02 Huh, it's ringing!
00:31:04 I can't believe I'm doing this.
00:31:06 If you fart, I'll kill you.
00:31:07 Careful! If I fart, I'll kill you!
00:31:09 Hello, you've reached Global Rescue Services. Ready to rescue you wherever you are.
00:31:14 Especially if you're stuck on a deserted island.
00:31:16 Huh, hello? Can you hear me?
00:31:18 Well, hello yourself, baby. You can rescue me anytime.
00:31:21 What are you wearing? What are you doing?
00:31:23 Oh, you know, just bored at work.
00:31:25 I get off at 7 if you want to meet up at Burrito Island and--
00:31:28 [farts]
00:31:29 Oh my god!
00:31:32 Oh, I think I broke the phone.
00:31:35 Ah! Screw you!
00:31:37 [farts]
00:31:38 That is it!
00:31:40 Where are you going?
00:31:41 Home! You can finish this goddamn quest on your own.
00:31:45 I knew you were a pussy!
00:31:48 This was the stupidest idea.
00:31:53 Stupid, lame-ass blue.
00:31:55 That sword is gonna be tight!
00:31:58 [singing]
00:32:03 [screaming]
00:32:12 Wow.
00:32:18 This place is paradise.
00:32:20 The sun is so warm.
00:32:22 The water's so clear.
00:32:24 The sand, like diamonds beneath my feet.
00:32:27 It smells so sweet, like...
00:32:29 smoke?
00:32:32 Red?
00:32:35 [screaming]
00:32:40 Red, what did you do?
00:32:42 What? Oh, that.
00:32:45 You ruined everything!
00:32:46 It's not that bad.
00:32:48 We're gonna be burned alive!
00:32:50 What is that?
00:32:51 King Kong!
00:32:53 Is that a plane?
00:32:54 Bees!
00:32:56 Shit, it is a plane!
00:32:57 Ah! Skydemon!
00:32:59 Ho, ho, ho!
00:33:00 Cheerio, old chaps!
00:33:01 Grab a hold!
00:33:03 [screaming]
00:33:09 [grunting]
00:33:18 [panting]
00:33:21 Perfectly executed signal fire, old chaps.
00:33:23 Spotted it a fortnight away.
00:33:25 Still, damn shame you burned down Burrito Island.
00:33:28 That was Burrito Island?
00:33:30 No!
00:33:32 Maybe it was Booby Island.
00:33:33 No!
00:33:36 Who are you?
00:33:38 You're flying with Captain Major Lieutenant Krooky Grim,
00:33:41 Private First Class, retired.
00:33:43 Ho, ho, ho, ho!
00:33:45 You're a pilot?
00:33:46 And an alcoholic!
00:33:48 A thousand flights, a thousand crashes.
00:33:50 Perfect record.
00:33:53 Oop! Oop, oop, oop!
00:33:55 Trying to flip us over, you old bitch?
00:33:57 Did I mention I'm blind?
00:33:58 Alcohol blindness.
00:34:00 You and me both, brother.
00:34:02 Woo!
00:34:03 What are you doing flying all the way out here?
00:34:06 On my way to Gay Paree.
00:34:08 I'm meeting an old friend from the war, Colonel Dingleberry.
00:34:11 Mr. Dingleberry?
00:34:13 [screaming]
00:34:15 He was a private when I knew him.
00:34:16 Haven't seen him since D-Day, or Dingle Day, as he liked to call it.
00:34:20 So, we are on a top-secret mission to stop two blokes
00:34:23 from finding the great sword of destiny.
00:34:26 Uh, what two blokes?
00:34:28 Oh, the dossier said their names were...
00:34:31 Red and Blue.
00:34:34 Say, tell an old blind man your names.
00:34:38 Uh, Tom?
00:34:40 And Tom.
00:34:41 Tom and Tom.
00:34:43 Not enough Toms in the world, Ivo.
00:34:45 It's said by Jove.
00:34:47 For sure.
00:34:48 This is important to me, lads.
00:34:50 So important that I've quit drinking.
00:34:53 [dramatic music]
00:34:55 In fact, I think my alcohol blindness is being cured as we speak.
00:34:59 I--I think I see a cloud.
00:35:01 An--an eagle, bastard.
00:35:03 My God, the sun.
00:35:05 Oh, shit, he's gonna see us. What do we do?
00:35:07 Run away, man!
00:35:08 [laughing]
00:35:09 Dude, we're screwed.
00:35:12 Maybe not.
00:35:13 You think what I'm thinking?
00:35:15 Never.
00:35:16 Oh, my gosh, it'll be as blind as a pelican.
00:35:18 Pelicans are blind?
00:35:19 Come on.
00:35:20 Here, Krooky, a toast.
00:35:22 For good luck.
00:35:23 No, no.
00:35:24 I mustn't have a drop.
00:35:25 The fate of the queen depends on it.
00:35:27 Wouldn't be very proper to turn down a shot of English gin, would it?
00:35:30 Bitch, prop us my middle name.
00:35:32 [gulping]
00:35:34 Woo-hoo, tally-ho!
00:35:36 [explosion]
00:35:37 See?
00:35:38 I told you this was a bad idea.
00:35:40 Whoa!
00:35:41 Chew, you're a lightweight.
00:35:42 Boulder Dash.
00:35:43 I know that sound.
00:35:45 Gentlemen, we're under attack.
00:35:47 [engine revving]
00:35:49 Holy crap.
00:35:50 Are you serious?
00:35:51 Don't worry, chaps.
00:35:52 There's a .50 cal in the top turret.
00:35:54 One of you old boys will be a sport and fend off those Jerrys for a pip, will you?
00:35:58 Aye.
00:35:59 You shoot the machine gun, I'll keep the old guy flying the plane blind.
00:36:02 That is the worst plan I've ever heard.
00:36:04 All right, fine.
00:36:06 But in case I die, I still hate you.
00:36:09 I hope they shoot you in the face!
00:36:11 [grunting]
00:36:13 [engine revving]
00:36:19 Seize their souls!
00:36:21 Oh, shit!
00:36:22 Jetpack Demon ninjas!
00:36:24 We toasted to you, so now we gotta toast to me.
00:36:27 Well, it's only customary.
00:36:29 To Tom!
00:36:30 Who?
00:36:31 [snoring]
00:36:32 Okay, I got this.
00:36:34 [gunfire]
00:36:36 [grunting]
00:36:37 [gunfire]
00:36:40 [grunting]
00:36:42 [gunfire]
00:36:45 [gunfire]
00:36:50 Nice evasive maneuvers!
00:36:52 You leave my mother out of this, you twat.
00:36:55 The mother!
00:36:56 Everybody's got a mother!
00:36:58 Your mom's got a mother!
00:37:00 [laughing]
00:37:02 [engine revving]
00:37:05 [grunting]
00:37:08 [engine revving]
00:37:09 [screaming]
00:37:12 [grunting]
00:37:14 Oh, my God, I just puked.
00:37:16 Don't get cocky!
00:37:17 Krooky?
00:37:18 [snoring]
00:37:19 [engine revving]
00:37:23 Super Olympus?
00:37:24 No!
00:37:25 [screaming]
00:37:27 [engine revving]
00:37:32 Hey, what's your favorite animal?
00:37:34 I like the color green a lot.
00:37:36 But also the bathroom,
00:37:38 'cause that's where you can bath.
00:37:39 [grunting]
00:37:40 [gunfire]
00:37:42 Hey, hey, I got the last one.
00:37:44 You guys see that?
00:37:45 Of course you did.
00:37:46 You guys see that?
00:37:48 [engine revving]
00:37:50 Pull him up!
00:37:51 We're gonna crash!
00:37:52 Are you hungry?
00:37:53 You gotta pull up right now!
00:37:54 We're gonna crash!
00:37:55 [engine revving]
00:37:56 [screaming]
00:37:57 [engine revving]
00:38:02 [engine revving]
00:38:03 [screaming]
00:38:04 [engine revving]
00:38:09 [engine revving]
00:38:12 [crash]
00:38:14 [groaning]
00:38:15 Everyone okay?
00:38:16 I'm fine.
00:38:17 I...
00:38:18 I'm dying.
00:38:20 Oh, shit.
00:38:21 Oh, God.
00:38:22 [coughing]
00:38:24 Oh, dear.
00:38:26 Take this.
00:38:28 What is it?
00:38:29 You two must finish my mission now.
00:38:31 Stop those bastards red and blue
00:38:34 from finding the great sword of destiny.
00:38:36 It's hidden atop...
00:38:38 Le Tour Eiffel.
00:38:41 What--what does that mean?
00:38:42 I'm counting on you,
00:38:44 my dear Tom and Tom.
00:38:46 No, wait!
00:38:47 What is Le Tour Eiffel?
00:38:48 Another flight, another crash.
00:38:51 Perfect.
00:38:53 Record.
00:38:55 Ah, I tell you.
00:38:59 May the eagles carry you up to heaven.
00:39:02 That dude's gotta have a hangover tomorrow.
00:39:05 Woo-wee!
00:39:06 [grunting]
00:39:07 Dude, wait.
00:39:08 Since it looks like we're stuck together,
00:39:10 we may as well work together.
00:39:11 I mean, I guess it was pretty sharp shooting up there
00:39:14 with those ninjas,
00:39:15 even though you barfed like a loser.
00:39:17 Shut up.
00:39:18 Come on, let's go find that blade.
00:39:20 Ooh, la-la.
00:39:24 Yeah, I'm gonna go probe this waitress for information.
00:39:27 Wait, you're gonna do what?
00:39:29 Red, where are you going?
00:39:32 Pick up, pick up, pick up.
00:39:42 Hey, it's Blue.
00:39:43 Just text me.
00:39:44 No one listens to voicemails.
00:39:46 Hey, Blue, it's Pink.
00:39:48 Just calling you for the hundredth time.
00:39:51 Where have you been--
00:39:52 Mailbox full.
00:39:54 You crazy.
00:39:55 Dammit.
00:39:57 'Sup, bitch?
00:40:10 Hey, Stacy.
00:40:11 You haven't seen Red around, have you?
00:40:13 Blue hasn't been answering his phone for like two days.
00:40:16 Who's Red?
00:40:17 That guy you have sex with every day?
00:40:19 Mm-mm.
00:40:21 Which one?
00:40:22 The one with the hat.
00:40:24 Oh, Stephen?
00:40:25 'Sup, babe?
00:40:26 Ready for a round trace?
00:40:27 Ah, never mind.
00:40:29 Red, when did you get that hat?
00:40:31 Sorry we couldn't meet again, old crookie grin,
00:40:37 but I'm sure I'll see you soon.
00:40:39 I'm super old.
00:40:41 Are you sure it was Rouge et Blue?
00:40:43 Ooh, yep, they went that way.
00:40:45 Fantastique.
00:40:46 We will find them no matter what.
00:40:47 Gendarmerie, mobilisement.
00:40:49 Calm the area and your mustaches.
00:40:51 Especially you, Jacques.
00:40:53 Oui.
00:40:54 [Chuckling]
00:40:56 [Chuckling]
00:40:58 Excellent work, Colonel Dingleberry.
00:41:01 The sword is safe thanks to you.
00:41:03 You said I'd get a reward?
00:41:05 And you shall.
00:41:07 You'll be seeing your friend crookie grin
00:41:10 sooner than you think.
00:41:12 [Grunts]
00:41:13 Oh, shit!
00:41:14 Should've seen that coming.
00:41:15 [Grunts]
00:41:17 Yeah, let me show you how to French kiss.
00:41:20 Why don't you show me your tour Eiffel instead?
00:41:24 [Chuckles]
00:41:25 What?
00:41:26 Red, what are you doing?
00:41:27 Beat it, man.
00:41:28 Can't I have a private moment here?
00:41:31 [Smooches]
00:41:32 Garcon, there seems to be an asshole in our soup.
00:41:36 [Gulps]
00:41:37 Dude, Takagami and those ninjas could still be out there.
00:41:41 We've got to find Le Tour Eiffel.
00:41:43 Don't worry about him.
00:41:44 Why don't you, escargot, get us a bottle of wine?
00:41:47 [Chuckling]
00:41:48 [Gasps]
00:41:50 [Chuckling]
00:41:53 Uh...
00:41:54 Il a beaucoup de crabe a penise.
00:41:58 Ew.
00:41:59 Don't forget that bottle of wine!
00:42:01 Seriously? We don't have time for this.
00:42:03 Have you seen this place?
00:42:05 There's wine and women everywhere!
00:42:08 We're in paradise, mon tour!
00:42:10 Nope, this is Paris.
00:42:11 We've got to find that stupid blade and get out of here.
00:42:14 [Groans]
00:42:15 Why are you always bossing everybody around?
00:42:18 What are you, the king of Europe?
00:42:20 We just don't have time for another interruption.
00:42:23 ♪ Hommage, rommage ♪
00:42:26 ♪ In France it's called fromage ♪
00:42:30 [Whistles]
00:42:31 ♪ It isn't a mirage ♪
00:42:34 ♪ And it paid some hommage ♪
00:42:40 ♪ Baguette, baguette ♪
00:42:43 ♪ It looks just like a duck ♪
00:42:45 ♪ You bake it in the oven ♪
00:42:47 ♪ And it smells just like a... ♪
00:42:49 Shit!
00:42:50 ♪ 'Cause France's favorite meal ♪
00:42:52 ♪ Is duck baby, not the Aussie's power fart! ♪
00:42:55 [Cheering]
00:42:58 Oh, he swears just like my son.
00:43:01 Dude, is that Lord Tourette's?
00:43:03 Well, hello!
00:43:04 Thug fuckers!
00:43:05 Yeah, that's Lord Tourette's.
00:43:06 [Laughs]
00:43:07 Dude, what are you doing in Paris?
00:43:10 Playing the accordion.
00:43:11 But why are you in Paris?
00:43:13 To play the accordion!
00:43:15 [Glass shatters]
00:43:16 Garçon, I believe there's an accordion in our soup.
00:43:20 [Glass shatters]
00:43:21 Uh, garçon, I believe there is a man in our soup.
00:43:25 What are you two doing here?
00:43:27 [Gasps]
00:43:28 We're here to play the accordion, too!
00:43:30 Really?
00:43:31 No.
00:43:32 Wait, we're not?
00:43:33 No, we're trying to find something called "le tour eiffel."
00:43:37 Le tour eiffel?
00:43:39 Oh! You must mean the Eiffel Tower!
00:43:44 That's what it is?
00:43:45 French is retarded!
00:43:46 [Gunshots]
00:43:48 [Speaking French]
00:43:49 Spread out! Find those assholes Rouge and Blue.
00:43:52 [Gasps]
00:43:53 And kill them!
00:43:55 [Gasps]
00:43:56 Get down!
00:43:57 I'm always getting down.
00:43:58 Down, down, down.
00:44:00 No one kills a mime in my town.
00:44:03 Stop it! Now the French police are trying to kill us, too!
00:44:05 This quest sucks.
00:44:06 Whose dumb idea was this?
00:44:08 Yours, numbnuts! Now shut up and hide!
00:44:11 [Grunts]
00:44:12 [Humming]
00:44:13 [Whimpering]
00:44:14 Shut!
00:44:15 Uh, waiter, do you work here? We ordered crab legs.
00:44:19 Oh, why, yes, you did. They're right here.
00:44:23 Waiter, have you seen these two men?
00:44:25 Uh...
00:44:26 Uh, crab legs?
00:44:27 Au revoir, monsieur.
00:44:29 [Gasps]
00:44:30 Yeesh. Your food looks... delicious.
00:44:35 [Crab squelching]
00:44:37 Mama, the crab's legs won't come off.
00:44:40 You must first crack the shell.
00:44:43 There you go. Take a bite.
00:44:45 [Crab squelching]
00:44:47 Mmm.
00:44:49 Ma, your food is cooked so fresh, it is still crying.
00:44:53 May I try your bite?
00:44:55 Please. It is too much for us.
00:44:57 Merci beaucoup.
00:44:59 [Crab squelching]
00:45:00 [Chomping]
00:45:03 Mmm. It is rather tender.
00:45:06 It's our, uh, most famous dish.
00:45:09 Men, men, you must come over and try this crab.
00:45:13 [Laughing]
00:45:15 [Chomping]
00:45:18 Monsieur, we have finished our sweep.
00:45:21 Rouge and blue are nowhere to be found.
00:45:23 Very well. We'll return tonight for dinner.
00:45:27 And make sure you have plenty of crab.
00:45:29 Gendarmerie, mobilisement. Check the next restaurant.
00:45:33 [Laughing]
00:45:34 [Chomping]
00:45:36 Take me back to the ocean.
00:45:38 Come on, dude. Be quiet and we can get out of here.
00:45:41 [Farting]
00:45:43 Did that crab just fart?
00:45:45 Crabs do not have buttholes.
00:45:48 [Screaming]
00:45:50 Don't let them eat me!
00:45:51 Open fire!
00:45:53 [Gunfire]
00:45:54 [Screaming]
00:45:56 We gotta get out of here.
00:45:58 Get in! I'm a hot-wired nurse!
00:46:00 Shut!
00:46:01 [Grunting]
00:46:02 Come on, come on, come on.
00:46:04 I'm not going to jail again!
00:46:06 [Laughing]
00:46:07 Thank God. Oh, dretch. Can you get us to the Eiffel Tower?
00:46:10 You bet your sweet ass.
00:46:12 Now buckle the fuck up!
00:46:13 It's gonna be a bumpy ride.
00:46:16 [Tires screeching]
00:46:18 [Grunting]
00:46:20 Alert all units. Give me everything.
00:46:24 [Tires screeching]
00:46:26 Freeze, Americans!
00:46:28 [Tires screeching]
00:46:30 [Gunfire]
00:46:32 [Tires screeching]
00:46:34 [Grunting]
00:46:36 [Grunting]
00:46:38 [Tires screeching]
00:46:40 [Grunting]
00:46:42 Yah!
00:46:43 [Grunting]
00:46:45 I'll be back!
00:46:47 [Grunting]
00:46:48 [Tires screeching]
00:46:51 [Grunting]
00:46:52 Move!
00:46:54 [Grunting]
00:46:55 [Tires screeching]
00:46:57 [Grunting]
00:46:59 [Grunting]
00:47:01 [Grunting]
00:47:03 Yah!
00:47:04 [Grunting]
00:47:06 [Grunting]
00:47:08 [Grunting]
00:47:10 [Gunfire]
00:47:12 [Grunting]
00:47:14 [Gunfire]
00:47:16 Umbrellas. Get your umbrellas.
00:47:19 [Grunting]
00:47:21 [Grunting]
00:47:23 [Gunfire]
00:47:25 [Yelling]
00:47:27 Take the wheel!
00:47:29 [Grunting]
00:47:31 [Grunting]
00:47:33 [Grunting]
00:47:35 [Grunting]
00:47:37 [Grunting]
00:47:39 Huh? Aha!
00:47:41 [Grunting]
00:47:43 [Grunting]
00:47:45 [Grunting]
00:47:47 [Grunting]
00:47:49 [Horn honking]
00:47:51 [Horn honking]
00:47:53 [Grunting]
00:47:55 [Grunting]
00:47:57 [Grunting]
00:47:59 [Grunting]
00:48:01 [Grunting]
00:48:03 [Laughing]
00:48:05 [Grunting]
00:48:07 [Gunfire]
00:48:09 [Gunfire]
00:48:11 Where are we going?
00:48:13 Follow me! We'll look out into the...
00:48:15 Cock!
00:48:16 ...of Paris!
00:48:17 The what of what?
00:48:19 Jesus, that train.
00:48:21 [Grunting]
00:48:23 [Screaming]
00:48:25 [Grunting]
00:48:27 [Grunting]
00:48:29 [Grunting]
00:48:31 [Grunting]
00:48:33 Aha! Red!
00:48:35 [Train whistle]
00:48:37 [Gunfire]
00:48:39 [Screaming]
00:48:41 [Grunting] Holy crap!
00:48:43 I almost died.
00:48:45 You're welcome, motherfucker.
00:48:47 [Gunfire]
00:48:49 Come on!
00:48:51 [Grunting]
00:48:53 [Grunting]
00:48:55 [Explosion]
00:48:57 [Train whistle]
00:48:59 [Train whistle]
00:49:01 There he is!
00:49:03 That tour is done!
00:49:05 [Laughing]
00:49:07 [Train whistle]
00:49:09 Fun fact!
00:49:11 This tower was... A rat cat!
00:49:13 ...in 1889! Gross.
00:49:15 [Train whistle]
00:49:17 [Grunting]
00:49:19 Oh, crap!
00:49:21 They got us surrounded!
00:49:23 Oh, you are surrounded! Get off of our cock!
00:49:25 You get off of my cock, dick!
00:49:27 Oh! How dare you!
00:49:29 Be careful. He curses well.
00:49:31 L.T., can you hold them off while we get the blade?
00:49:33 Leave it to me!
00:49:35 Come on!
00:49:37 [Grunting]
00:49:39 Oh, my God, I'm out of shape.
00:49:41 Dude, I'm a King Kong.
00:49:43 How about a little lullaby?
00:49:45 [Giggling]
00:49:47 ♪ Sleep, make the tea ♪
00:49:51 ♪ With drinks and fresh baguettes ♪
00:49:55 ♪ Drink some wine, my sweetheart ♪
00:49:59 Make my fucking ass short!
00:50:01 Zut alors! I am becoming...
00:50:03 ...very...
00:50:05 ...sleepy.
00:50:07 [Grunting]
00:50:09 He's talking shit, pal!
00:50:11 ♪ Lullaby will make you sleep ♪
00:50:15 I got you, you fucking dick!
00:50:17 ♪ ♪
00:50:19 [Clock ticking]
00:50:21 ♪ ♪
00:50:23 Uh, now what?
00:50:25 Stick it in.
00:50:27 Stick it in!
00:50:29 You're such a creep.
00:50:31 [Gasps]
00:50:33 [Gasps]
00:50:35 Whoa!
00:50:37 Two pieces down,
00:50:39 one left to go.
00:50:41 I wonder what that last piece is.
00:50:43 I hope it's a dragon.
00:50:45 I really don't think it's a dragon.
00:50:47 Oh, Splendid!
00:50:49 You found it!
00:50:51 Yeah, but we're still missing that last piece.
00:50:53 Oh, wait, the letter!
00:50:55 Damn it, it's in French.
00:50:57 I can read it.
00:50:59 It says, "The last piece of a sword is a..."
00:51:01 [Sniffing]
00:51:03 "...gem." It's a gem.
00:51:05 "And it's hidden in a..."
00:51:07 "...in a mountain behind your..."
00:51:09 [Chomping]
00:51:11 "...hometown." Fantastique!
00:51:13 Oh, really? Très bon.
00:51:15 Yeah, that's super convenient.
00:51:17 Good fucking luck, you two.
00:51:19 I hope you find...
00:51:21 ...your destiny.
00:51:23 Oh, man, thanks, Lord Tourette's.
00:51:25 See ya. Adios, little green man.
00:51:27 Au revoir. Motherfuckers!
00:51:29 ♪ ♪
00:51:31 [Grunting]
00:51:33 Oh!
00:51:35 Run!
00:51:37 Don't let them get away!
00:51:39 Francesc, look!
00:51:41 That sword will be mine!
00:51:43 Oh!
00:51:45 ♪ ♪
00:51:47 ♪ ♪
00:51:49 ♪ ♪
00:51:51 ♪ ♪
00:51:53 And so Red and Blue escaped
00:51:55 from the Takagami Demon Army
00:51:57 and the French police
00:51:59 and took a long, convoluted map journey home
00:52:01 to find the last piece
00:52:03 of the great sword of destiny
00:52:05 so Blue can get Pink a birthday present
00:52:07 or something.
00:52:09 I don't know. This movie's crazy.
00:52:11 Am I in your mind?
00:52:13 Or are you in mine?
00:52:15 [Screaming]
00:52:17 [Gunshot]
00:52:19 ♪ ♪
00:52:21 [Explosion]
00:52:23 [Sigh]
00:52:25 I am never taking a plane, boat,
00:52:27 submarine, turtle, dragon, motorcycle,
00:52:29 rocket, parachute, train, hand car again.
00:52:31 Yeah, I mean, probably not.
00:52:33 ♪ ♪
00:52:35 [Gasp]
00:52:37 ♪ ♪
00:52:39 Ah, America!
00:52:41 It's good to be back!
00:52:43 Okay, according to LT, the gem of the sword
00:52:45 is hidden in a mountain.
00:52:47 Are there any mountains around here?
00:52:49 Huh. I never noticed that before.
00:52:51 'Sup, boys?
00:52:53 Stacy?
00:52:55 I see two mountains right here.
00:52:57 Aw, crap, not now. Dude, we don't have time for this.
00:52:59 Well, she can wait a little bit.
00:53:01 That gem hasn't gone anywhere for like a billion years!
00:53:03 Pink's birthday party is starting any minute.
00:53:05 I gotta get there.
00:53:07 No gem, no sword. No sword, no present.
00:53:09 No present, no blue and pink!
00:53:11 Relax! I'll just have a drink or two.
00:53:13 You never just have a drink or two!
00:53:15 I promise!
00:53:17 Just a couple bottles, we'll have that whatever it is in no time!
00:53:19 Red, seriously, what the hell?
00:53:21 We're so close!
00:53:23 Don't be such a stick-in-the-butt, dude!
00:53:25 We made it home! It's party time, man!
00:53:27 Hey, ladies!
00:53:29 I don't know why I ever trusted you!
00:53:31 You never follow through on anything!
00:53:33 This is the most important thing that's ever happened to me and you're bailing?!
00:53:35 Dude, there's boobs in here!
00:53:41 What am I supposed to do?!
00:53:43 Be my friend!
00:53:45 Sorry, bro, this train's leaving for Waste Face USA!
00:53:47 Population?!
00:53:49 These hoes, these nuts, and this bottle of Jack!
00:53:51 Get over here, girl!
00:53:53 Put your face on my sack!
00:53:55 Woo!
00:53:57 Red!
00:53:59 Red!
00:54:01 Dude, this party sucks.
00:54:09 Eh, at least there's free beer.
00:54:11 Happy birthday to me!
00:54:15 Happy birthday!
00:54:17 Where's Blue?
00:54:27 That raccoon's reward better be worth it.
00:54:29 I don't need that jerk.
00:54:31 I can do this alone.
00:54:33 This is for you, Pink.
00:54:35 I'm coming, baby.
00:54:37 Time to get my quest on.
00:54:39 Begin epic montage!
00:54:41 It's an epic montage!
00:54:43 It's an epic montage!
00:54:45 It's an epic montage!
00:54:47 It's an epic montage!
00:55:13 Just an epic montage!
00:55:15 Yes, an epic montage!
00:55:23 It's an epic montage!
00:55:33 It's an epic montage!
00:55:35 Hey, what's going on?
00:55:47 Oh my god!
00:55:49 What the hell?!
00:55:51 What the hell?!
00:55:53 Oh my god!
00:56:09 Check this out!
00:56:11 It is so cool!
00:56:13 Isn't this cool?
00:56:15 Oh, boss!
00:56:17 That feels crazy!
00:56:19 That feels crazy!
00:56:21 I suppose we should be thankful, Blue Sun.
00:56:23 I suppose we should be thankful, Blue Sun.
00:56:25 You led us straight to the greatest sword of destiny.
00:56:27 You led us straight to the greatest sword of destiny.
00:56:29 And now, I am going to avenge every person who has died.
00:56:31 And now, I am going to avenge every person who has died.
00:56:33 Ever!
00:56:35 Wait, what about all those people who died of old age?
00:56:37 Wait, what about all those people who died of old age?
00:56:39 Them too!
00:56:41 That's a stupid plan!
00:56:43 Now give me back that sword!
00:56:45 You're a stupid plan.
00:56:47 You're a stupid plan.
00:56:49 Throw the round head into the volcano!
00:56:51 My ghost knife!
00:57:03 Red? What are you doing here?
00:57:05 After I finished drinking all those girls and screwing all that beer,
00:57:07 After I finished drinking all those girls and screwing all that beer,
00:57:09 I decided I should come back. For my friend.
00:57:11 I must be dead.
00:57:13 Blue Sun, the Red One tells the truth.
00:57:15 You have a very good friend indeed.
00:57:17 You have a very good friend indeed.
00:57:19 You were right, man. For once I gotta finish what I started.
00:57:21 Plus, that sword is pretty tight.
00:57:23 That's what I've been saying the whole time!
00:57:25 So, you're back?
00:57:27 I'm back, dude.
00:57:29 You! You're back?
00:57:31 You! You're back?
00:57:33 It is time to finish what I started ten thousand years ago.
00:57:35 It is time to finish what I started ten thousand years ago.
00:57:37 Are you still butthurt about that little geisha you called a wife?
00:57:39 Are you still butthurt about that little geisha you called a wife?
00:57:41 The only one who was about to be hurt,
00:57:43 The only one who was about to be hurt,
00:57:45 Is you.
00:57:47 You really think you can defeat all of us?
00:57:49 You really think you can defeat all of us?
00:57:51 Didn't you know?
00:57:55 I can go all night, baby.
00:57:57 I'm nocturnal!
00:57:59 We're in for a huge fight, aren't we?
00:58:07 You knew it!
00:58:09 Try to take some notes.
00:58:11 I didn't play all those video games for nothing.
00:58:13 New challenger appears!
00:58:23 K.O.! Flawless victory!
00:58:25 Finish him!
00:58:27 Oh my god! This is actually working!
00:58:29 Yeah, dude! Keep doing it!
00:58:31 Brutality!
00:58:33 Animality!
00:58:35 Beastianity!
00:58:37 Gross!
00:58:39 You can't kill me!
00:58:41 You're just a stupid raccoon!
00:58:43 You need better insults!
00:58:45 You need better insults!
00:58:47 You need better insults!
00:58:49 You need better insults!
00:58:51 Father, son!
00:59:05 Oh shit!
00:59:07 If you ever want to fight evil,
00:59:09 If you ever want to fight evil,
00:59:11 you must keep your elbows straight!
00:59:13 Father, one day,
00:59:15 I want to go to America.
00:59:17 But it's not a country yet!
00:59:19 You are Lord Takagami?
00:59:23 You are Lord Takagami?
00:59:25 Did you ever wonder why we have the same last name?
00:59:27 Did you ever wonder why we have the same last name?
00:59:29 Impossible!
00:59:31 No!
00:59:33 (Fighting sounds)
01:00:01 Father, son!
01:00:03 Why did you become so evil?
01:00:05 Why did you become so evil?
01:00:07 I had to avenge all the people who have died in the world.
01:00:09 I had to avenge all the people who have died in the world.
01:00:11 But by killing people,
01:00:13 aren't you creating more people you need to avenge?
01:00:15 aren't you creating more people you need to avenge?
01:00:17 Yes! This way,
01:00:19 I can do this sweet job forever!
01:00:21 I can do this sweet job forever!
01:00:23 You are evil!
01:00:25 You are evil!
01:00:27 And you kept your elbows straight!
01:00:29 And you kept your elbows straight!
01:00:31 Goodbye, Father and Son.
01:00:33 Goodbye, Father and Son.
01:00:35 Oh, shit!
01:00:45 Nature's Ninja!
01:00:47 Raccoon, are you okay?
01:00:49 I am so sad.
01:00:51 But you did it, man!
01:00:53 You freaking cut your dad's head off!
01:00:55 You freaking cut your dad's head off!
01:00:57 It is true.
01:00:59 Takagami is finally defeated.
01:01:01 Takagami is finally defeated.
01:01:03 Yeah, that hombre is muerte.
01:01:05 What is that?
01:01:09 Mucho muerte.
01:01:13 Mucho muerte.
01:01:15 (Dramatic music)
01:01:17 (Dramatic music)
01:01:27 Follow me!
01:01:43 (Roaring)
01:01:45 (Roaring)
01:01:47 Oh, fuck!
01:01:49 Holy shit!
01:01:51 That's mucho muerte!
01:01:53 That is a big ass sushi!
01:01:55 Boys, your town is in grave danger.
01:01:57 Boys, your town is in grave danger.
01:01:59 Oh my god! Pink!
01:02:01 She's probably fine.
01:02:03 Okay, we should probably get down there.
01:02:09 Let's go!
01:02:11 No time for rules!
01:02:13 Hey, Pink!
01:02:19 Have you ever met my sister?
01:02:21 Have you ever met my sister?
01:02:23 Happy birthday.
01:02:25 Thanks. I just wish Blue was here.
01:02:27 Thanks. I just wish Blue was here.
01:02:29 Whatever, bitch. Boys are overrated.
01:02:31 (Roaring)
01:02:33 (Roaring)
01:02:35 (Roaring)
01:02:37 (Screaming)
01:02:39 What was that?
01:02:41 Wow, this party's crazy!
01:02:43 (Roaring)
01:02:45 (Roaring)
01:02:47 (Roaring)
01:02:49 (Roaring)
01:02:51 (Roaring)
01:02:53 (Roaring)
01:02:55 (Roaring)
01:02:57 Blue? What's going on?
01:02:59 Blue? What's going on?
01:03:01 Sorry I'm late. It's a long story.
01:03:03 Just like my dick!
01:03:05 Really, Red?
01:03:07 Hey, go back from whence you came.
01:03:09 Hey, go back from whence you came.
01:03:11 (Laughing)
01:03:13 You can't kill Takagami that easily.
01:03:15 You can't kill Takagami that easily.
01:03:17 Father-son, you were Ochonwate too?
01:03:19 Father-son, you were Ochonwate too?
01:03:21 When you defeated me,
01:03:23 I trapped your wife for eternity.
01:03:25 I trapped your wife for eternity.
01:03:27 But Takagami could never marry Akechi.
01:03:29 But Takagami could never marry Akechi.
01:03:31 But Takagami could never marry Akechi.
01:03:33 But, Father-son, I loved her.
01:03:35 But, Father-son, I loved her.
01:03:37 But, Father-son, I loved her.
01:03:39 And how about a reunion?
01:03:41 And how about a reunion?
01:03:43 Boys, it's up to you now.
01:03:45 Boys, it's up to you now.
01:03:47 No!
01:03:49 No!
01:03:51 No!
01:03:53 (Roaring)
01:03:55 No! Father-son!
01:03:57 No! Father-son!
01:03:59 Blue, help!
01:04:01 Pink!
01:04:03 (Screaming)
01:04:05 Dude, the sword!
01:04:07 Dude, the sword!
01:04:09 (Screaming)
01:04:11 (Grunting)
01:04:13 (Screaming)
01:04:15 (Roaring)
01:04:17 Card wheel, dude!
01:04:19 Card wheel, dude!
01:04:21 (Grunting)
01:04:23 Blue!
01:04:25 Blue!
01:04:27 (Screaming)
01:04:29 (Screaming)
01:04:31 (Screaming)
01:04:33 (Screaming)
01:04:35 Blue!
01:04:37 No!
01:04:39 (Screaming)
01:04:41 (Screaming)
01:04:43 (Screaming)
01:04:45 (Roaring)
01:04:47 Dude, I'm slipping!
01:04:49 You can't pull me up with just one arm!
01:04:51 But I'll drop the sword!
01:04:53 Do it, or you'll drop me!
01:04:55 Sorry, dude.
01:04:59 What?
01:05:01 No!
01:05:03 No!
01:05:05 Red, did you just imagine dropping me?
01:05:09 Maybe.
01:05:11 I fuckin' don't.
01:05:13 Red!
01:05:15 Red!
01:05:17 Stop imagining ways to kill me and pull me up!
01:05:21 Nah.
01:05:23 (Screaming)
01:05:27 I thought we were actually friends this time!
01:05:29 We are!
01:05:37 (Grunting)
01:05:39 (Grunting)
01:05:41 (Grunting)
01:05:43 (Roaring)
01:05:45 (Roaring)
01:05:47 (Grunting)
01:05:49 (Grunting)
01:05:51 (Grunting)
01:05:53 (Roaring)
01:05:55 (Roaring)
01:05:57 (Explosion)
01:05:59 (Screaming)
01:06:01 (Screaming)
01:06:03 (Coughing)
01:06:13 (Coughing)
01:06:15 Holy shit! You okay?
01:06:17 No way. You?
01:06:19 Nah.
01:06:21 Hey, man. I'm sorry I've been such an asshole.
01:06:23 I've, uh, never really had a friend before.
01:06:25 Really?
01:06:27 Yeah.
01:06:29 It's all good, man. Just stop pooping in my bed, okay?
01:06:31 I never pooped in your bed.
01:06:33 I've been pooping in my sleep?
01:06:35 Nah, I'm just messing with you. I poop in your bed.
01:06:37 But I won't anymore.
01:06:39 Papa-san?
01:06:41 (Grunting)
01:06:43 Papa-san!
01:06:45 Raccoon, that you?
01:06:47 (Coughing)
01:06:49 (Gasping)
01:06:51 Raccoon!
01:06:53 Oh, I'm...
01:06:55 Arrive?
01:06:57 Whoa. We thought you were super dead.
01:06:59 Seriously.
01:07:01 Not yet.
01:07:03 Mama-san?
01:07:07 (Coughing)
01:07:09 Uh, Papa-san!
01:07:11 (Groaning)
01:07:13 I thought I lost you forever.
01:07:15 No, my love.
01:07:17 Only for 10,000 years.
01:07:19 I will never lose you again.
01:07:21 That's...
01:07:23 Your wife?
01:07:25 Yes.
01:07:27 I could not face my son after destroying Hapan,
01:07:29 and I feared the sword would rust forever.
01:07:31 Thanks to your bravery,
01:07:33 it has been reconstructed,
01:07:35 and I could have finally saved...
01:07:37 my wife.
01:07:39 Wait. So this whole time,
01:07:41 we were actually risking our necks for you?
01:07:43 We got tricked!
01:07:45 I did trick you into finding the sword for me.
01:07:47 But what you found for yourself
01:07:49 was friendship.
01:07:51 That's true.
01:07:53 Babe, uh, yeah, yeah.
01:07:55 Pink!
01:07:57 Blue!
01:07:59 Pink!
01:08:01 I was so worried about you.
01:08:03 I thought you were dead.
01:08:05 You know I never miss your birthday party.
01:08:07 Young lovers,
01:08:09 this sacred rotus flower
01:08:11 has kept our love strong for 10,000 years.
01:08:13 May it do the same for you.
01:08:15 Nintendo.
01:08:17 Blue,
01:08:19 it's beautiful.
01:08:21 I told you I'd get you something special.
01:08:23 I love you.
01:08:25 Huh.
01:08:27 I love you, too.
01:08:29 I got a boner!
01:08:31 Good one.
01:08:33 Dude, aren't you glad you went on this quest?
01:08:35 Yeah, man. I told you I wasn't a pussy.
01:08:37 Pssh. I always knew we could pull it off.
01:08:39 Really?
01:08:41 Really, yeah. 'Cause we're awesome!
01:08:43 We're awesome!
01:08:45 [explosion]
01:08:47 [music]
01:08:49 [music]
01:08:51 Not even comprehend
01:08:53 So much, and shooting excitement
01:08:56 For the sake of your character, hope you're wearing defense
01:09:00 We learned so many things together
01:09:03 Japan is weird and fresh
01:09:05 People are lines, big, little pretend
01:09:07 Teams of action, and everyone together says
01:09:10 What? 21 times? Yeah!
01:09:12 Dig figures! Dig figures!
01:09:15 You just watched a whole fucking career
01:09:19 Dig figures! Dig figures!
01:09:21 Bow before them and renounce all previous gods
01:09:25 Dig figures! Dig figures!
01:09:28 Someone get a doctor close and rub his fucking toe to the stick
01:09:31 You asked him!
01:09:33 They deliver if you don't make dig figures
01:09:36 It's not hard to figure out your dick
01:09:38 I found ten fucking explosions
01:09:41 And jetpacked teenagers who rocked your face
01:09:44 Your life was a hot pot of garbage
01:09:47 Now you're so excited that you're running all over the place
01:09:51 One of those explosions was an octopus
01:09:54 Sorry for the spoiler, but it's your fault
01:09:57 They'll teach you to listen to the soundtrack
01:10:00 Before you watch the movie
01:10:01 I mean, for god's sake, who does that stupid piece of shit?
01:10:04 Dig figures! Dig figures!
01:10:06 Save the world, what do you think about that?
01:10:10 Dig figures! Dig figures!
01:10:13 You just watched it, it's so easy and fun
01:10:16 Dig figures! Dig figures!
01:10:19 You know the ones all over still didn't heart it, no, so part of it's your fault
01:10:23 You asked him!
01:10:24 They deliver!
01:10:25 A movie so great it made your junk explode
01:10:29 Oops, sorry
01:10:32 Sorry about your junk
01:10:39 Just kidding, fuck you!
01:10:41 Dig figures!
01:10:42 Dig figures! Dig figures!
01:10:44 You just watched it, it's so easy and fun
01:10:46 Dig figures! Dig figures!
01:10:48 You know the ones all over still didn't hear it, no, so part of it's your fault
01:10:50 You asked him!
01:10:52 They deliver!
01:10:54 A movie so great it made your junk explode
01:10:56 Oops, sorry
01:10:58 Sorry about your junk
01:11:00 Just kidding, fuck you!
01:11:02 Dig figures! Dig figures!
01:11:04 You know the ones all over still didn't hear it, no, so part of it's your fault
01:11:06 You asked him!
01:11:08 They deliver!
01:11:10 A movie so great it made your junk explode
01:11:12 Oops, sorry
01:11:14 Sorry about your junk
01:11:16 Just kidding, fuck you!
01:11:18 Dig figures! Dig figures!
01:11:20 You just watched it, it's so easy and fun
01:11:22 Dig figures! Dig figures!
01:11:24 You know the ones all over still didn't hear it, no, so part of it's your fault
01:11:26 You asked him!
01:11:28 They deliver!
01:11:30 A movie so great it made your junk explode
01:11:32 Oops, sorry
01:11:34 Sorry about your junk
01:11:36 You just watched it, it's so easy and fun
01:11:38 Dig figures! Dig figures!
01:11:40 You know the ones all over still didn't hear it, no, so part of it's your fault
01:11:42 You asked him!
01:11:44 They deliver!
01:11:46 A movie so great it made your junk explode
01:11:48 Oops, sorry
01:11:50 Sorry about your junk
01:11:52 You just watched it, it's so easy and fun
01:11:54 Dig figures! Dig figures!
01:11:56 You know the ones all over still didn't hear it, no, so part of it's your fault
01:11:58 You asked him!
01:12:00 They deliver!
01:12:02 A movie so great it made your junk explode
01:12:04 Oops, sorry
01:12:06 Sorry about your junk
01:12:08 You just watched it, it's so easy and fun
01:12:10 Dig figures! Dig figures!
01:12:12 You know the ones all over still didn't hear it, no, so part of it's your fault
01:12:14 You asked him!
01:12:16 They deliver!
01:12:18 A movie so great it made your junk explode
01:12:20 Oops, sorry
01:12:22 Sorry about your junk
01:12:24 You just watched it, it's so easy and fun
01:12:26 Dig figures! Dig figures!
01:12:28 You know the ones all over still didn't hear it, no, so part of it's your fault
01:12:30 You asked him!
01:12:32 They deliver!
01:12:34 A movie so great it made your junk explode
01:12:36 [Music]
01:12:38 [Music]
01:12:40 [Music]
01:12:42 [Music]
01:12:46 [Music]
01:12:50 [Music]
01:12:54 [Music]
01:12:58 [Music]
01:13:02 [Music]
01:13:08 [Music]
01:13:10 [Music]
01:13:16 [Music]
01:13:22 [Music]
01:13:28 [Music]
01:13:34 [Music]
01:13:36 That shit was crazy!
01:13:48 Yeah!
01:13:50 [BLANK_AUDIO]