How Adam Would Book... WWE Royal Rumble 2021

WrestleTalk

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Transcript

00:00 Hello, I'm Adam, hailing from parts far known, and let's get ready to rumble! It's only bloody

00:08 rumble season, lads. It's the best time of the year. 30 superstars compete to yeet the

00:13 beef for a shot at a pretty bad-looking belt, vintage or nautical edition, in front of a

00:18 crowd solely comprised of vaccinated 80 year olds. The stakes have quite literally never

00:23 been lower. So yes, while I am very sad that we're trying to break the hold of the COVID

00:28 clutch, meaning we're going to have ourselves a quiet rumble with, like, canned versions

00:33 of what are normally the best audience reactions of the year and inevitably spooky bollocks

00:38 added in post, it is what it is, but goddammit, I'm still excited! It's the best match. The

00:44 best match. And this year looks to be no different in terms of people who could win either rumble,

00:50 conceivably go on to challenge for a world title. There's actually loads, like in the

00:55 men's, Daniel Bryan, Keith Lee, Seamus to an extent. Plenty of rumoured returns waiting

01:01 in the wings, maybe Seth, maybe Brock, maybe Edge, maybe some people think The Rock will

01:05 risk catching the plague and turn up and lol no he won't. So for this video I'm going to

01:09 be booking the men's Royal Rumble match. Our patrons over at Patreon.com/partsfarnone had

01:15 a whole bunch of videos to vote on for this month, including both the men's and the women's

01:19 rumble and the men's rumble won. So while I won't be doing the women's rumble, here's

01:23 a tiny little mini booking, have Bianca Belair obviously be the Iron Woman of the match.

01:30 Baszler and Jax get into it near the ropes and get double eliminated by Peyton Royce,

01:34 that might be fun. Trish and Lita, like could you have them meet inside the Royal Rumble?

01:40 What was the, they were both in the first one, but they didn't, why would you not? Final

01:45 four are Bianca Belair, Charlotte Flair, Alexa Bliss and debuting on the main roster, Rhea

01:51 Ripley. Bliss pulls a flaming rabbit out of a hat and blinds Bianca with it, eliminating

01:56 her, I'm only half kidding. Charlotte eliminates Bliss, Rhea eliminates Charlotte, leading

02:01 to ideally Asuka versus Ripley. I mean you could have Rhea versus Charlotte too, or you

02:07 could have the triple threat Charlotte, Asuka and Rhea, either way, that would be nice.

02:13 And now for the men's rumble and like all my rumble booking videos, I'm going to go

02:18 through it entrant by entrant, elimination by elimination, but before I start, this episode

02:23 of Fantasy Booking is actually sponsored by the good people over at Surfshark. Now if

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03:00 for free. Now, what were we talking about? Oh, I know, the men's Royal Rumble. Let me

03:07 have a go. Number one, no, he don't want none. He don't want none. It's AJ Styles walking

03:18 to the ring with Omos at his side, tiny sensei and his gigantic protege. Number two is J

03:27 Uso, a man with something to prove and a slowly unraveling brain. Fast paced start to the

03:34 Rumble. This Uso knocking Styles through the ropes of the outside. J kind of goes through

03:39 the ropes of the outside. He's going to step to him, but Omos steps in front of J immediately

03:44 to tell the story that Omos is here to make sure that Styles wins the Royal Rumble. Number

03:50 three, Cesaro. Bring back the tear away pants. Cesaro catches AJ in midair, military presses

03:57 him out of the ring. But again, he's caught by Omos who holds him like a mother holds

04:02 her very favorite pig. Farmer's strength. Omos places Styles back in the ring. More

04:08 fun wrestling from J Uso, Cesaro and AJ Styles who guess what, are all very good wrestlers

04:13 indeed. Number four, John Morrison. Now listen, this ain't no place to be. Come on. John

04:22 Morrison comes in, does the slow-mo thing. Simon, make me slow-mo. And he just starts

04:32 kicking pricks in the head. He jumps up to do Starship Pain on AJ Styles, but Cesaro

04:36 charges in and just hooms him out of the ring. Off the turnbuckle to the outside, but John

04:42 Morrison lands, catches himself on the corner of the barricade Spider-Man style. Look, we

04:45 don't have Kofi Kingston in this Rumble. He's got a broken jaw, so let's give John Morrison

04:49 his whole thing back. He, uh, Spider-Man crawls across the barricade to the announce table,

04:54 jumps on the announce table, sneaks up behind Omos and then jumps on his shoulders up into

04:59 the ropes, springboards back into the ring. Omos just doesn't move throughout the entirety

05:02 of this. It's like, hmm. Like honestly, if I can go throughout most of this booking without

05:08 almost really moving, that would be great. He's just there to catch AJ Styles and place

05:13 him on the apron like a good pig. Number five, Daniel Bryan. Now I just really want to have

05:19 a bit of the Rumble where it's just all good wrestlers and it's like an intercontinental

05:23 title wonderland. Number six is Nakamura. Freshly minted baby face Nakamura with his

05:30 old song hooray, but also no fans to sing it off. He runs wild like it's the biggest

05:35 ball of the season and his knee is the most eligible young lady from a household that

05:39 comes from old money. Nakamura lays out Bryan Styles, but Uso reenters the ring with a chair

05:44 and starts to go Uso crazy. Remember when, do you remember when Michael Cole used to

05:50 say that all the time? Wrestling s**t. Jey Uso smacks everyone with a chair. John Morrison

05:56 jumps up to the top rope to springboard in. Uso just yeets it into his face and he falls

06:01 back to the floor. John Morrison is eliminated. Jey is a proper little psycho killer, qu'est

06:07 que c'est, and he's just standing there, battering the ground, waiting for whoever's

06:11 entering the rumble next, which happens to be at number seven, Jimmy Uso. Welcome back.

06:18 It's been a while. Jimmy steps to his brother. Jey tells him, you want to hit someone with

06:24 a chair? Hit me. Hit me, Uso. Jey doesn't want to. Jimmy tells him he needs to come

06:30 home. Jey Uso says, I am home with my family. Jimmy's like, I'm your family. Jey shoves

06:36 him. Jimmy says he won't fight his blood. Jey slaps Jimmy. Jimmy refuses to fight back.

06:43 Jey slaps him again and again, and just more melodrama. I want more. I love it. It's like

06:50 an Ibsen play. Put more of it in. Number eight, The Miz. Miz brings his money in the bank

06:56 suitcase to the ring. He slides in and is immediately super kicked by both Usos, because

06:59 they are still one of the greatest tag teams ever. He falls through the ropes to the outside.

07:04 The Usos then lay out everyone with super kicks and then just face each other, doing

07:07 the almost, oh, I want to kiss you, but I won't, because, also because we're brothers.

07:14 That's one of the reasons why. Again, Jimmy refuses to fight, so Jey just super kicks

07:19 Jimmy and he just starts punching and punching and punching. He's crying, saying, why can't

07:23 you see that this is making you stronger? In comes number nine, Rikishi. More. I want

07:30 more. He's walking to the ring. He's crying. He's pleading with his boys, stop this. You

07:36 can't do this, please. Jey, think about this. Jey super kicks Rikishi, goes over the top

07:42 rope, and that is the thing that finally gets Jimmy to go insane and start pounding on his

07:47 brother. And then Jimmy throws Jey over the top rope, eliminating him, and then immediately

07:52 AJ Styles comes over and eliminates Jimmy and does the whole, I'm smart. Oh, that hurts

07:59 quite a bit, actually. Wrestling's real. Right, so who's gone? Rikishi, Jey, Jimmy, that family

08:05 drama is over. Number 10, Sami Zayn. Sami Zayn swaggers down to the ring, talking about

08:11 a company-wide conspiracy to keep him down. He walks up to commentary and gets in Samoa

08:17 Joe's face. He says, look, Joe, look what they've done to you. They've taken you out

08:21 of your boots and they've put you in a suit, and just like that, they've taken the fight

08:26 out of you. Where's your balls? Man, he enters the ring, sees Nakamura, tries to give him

08:32 a little high five, grabs a microphone, is about to launch again to another conspiracy

08:36 program when he turns around, bam, into a Kinshasa. The Miz enters the ring with his

08:40 briefcase, hits Nakamura, hits AJ, squares up to Daniel Bryan, and Bryan gets the upper

08:48 hand on him, because yes, Daniel Bryan and The Miz, they never properly had a thing,

08:52 did they? Do you remember when Miz beat him at SummerSlam? And that was fine, but then

08:57 Daniel Bryan lost again, and then there was that quick roll-up thing in Saudi Arabia.

09:02 That's bulls***. Anyway, Miz kicks Daniel Bryan in the balls, hits him with the briefcase,

09:07 holds the briefcase high into the air. In comes number 11, Otis. Otis eats the Miz whole

09:14 and spits him out over the top rope. He picks up the Money in the Bank briefcase, gives

09:20 it the saddest, "Oh, yeah." I hate this thing. He looks at the briefcase and gives

09:28 it the saddest, "Oh, yeah." Gives it a little kiss, and then just throws it at The

09:35 Miz. A little bit of vengeance for Otis. I don't think he should have the briefcase,

09:40 but man, poor kid. Daniel Bryan gets into it with Cesaro, who tries to hit the neutralizer,

09:46 but Bryan backdrops him up and over the top rope. Number 12, it's Christian. Go! Did

09:53 it close your eyes? It's nice that the truth's revealed. No, that's not the theme I want

09:58 him to enter to. It's Christian. Christian, at last, you're on your own. Anyway, Christian

10:08 arrives. He's back, sort of. Remember when he got murdered earlier in the year? People

10:13 were really happy to see Christian, so Christian's in the Royal Rumble. Samuel Peeps enters the

10:18 ring, knocks everyone down, hits the kill switch on AJ, lifts him up and throws him

10:22 out of the ring. Almost again, catches and saves Styles. You get what you pay for with

10:28 this one. Number 13 is Samoa Joe. Without saying anything, Samoa Joe just very slowly

10:36 stands up, takes off his suit, enters the ring, and immediately launches Sami Zayn into

10:43 f***ing space. Straight over the top rope, Sami Zayn is eliminated. Why doesn't Samoa

10:49 Joe wrestle? Number 14, number four, number four, number 14, Jeff Hardy. He hugs Christian,

10:59 proper old school reunion. Hits a twist of fate on Christian, obviously, because it's

11:03 the Hardy boys at Edge and Christian. Hits a twist of fate on Daniel Bryan. Nakamura

11:07 does the kind of backwards cuddle over the head thing, and he's setting up for the

11:10 Kinshasa, but then, boom! Samoa Joe just appears from out of nowhere and just clotheslines

11:15 Nakamura over the top rope, eliminating him, because there's nothing more, even as a

11:19 babyface, that Samoa Joe loves more than sh*tting in Shinsuke Nakamura's cereal. Number 15,

11:24 Randy Orton. Oh, good. Smokey the Bear's arch nemesis. He wears Lucha on his head.

11:31 He's stupidly masked, ketchup-nosed, rantel Keith Orton's non-union Mexican equivalent.

11:38 Comes to the ring in a stupid mask and then uses pyromaniacal rage to eliminate Otis.

11:44 Snatch Jeff Hardy out of midair, whisper in the wind into an RKO. He throws Jeff over

11:48 the top rope, eliminated. Hooks Christian in the d*ck and eliminates him too. However,

11:53 he then has dark thoughts. They talk to him, they understand. He goes out, brings Christian

11:57 back into the ring, puts a chair under his head, and he goes to hit him with one more

12:01 concerto when in comes number 16. It's Edge. Edge returns in his second consecutive Royal

12:10 Rumble. He spears Orton. AJ, having flashbacked to last year's shoulder adventure, gets

12:15 the f*ck out of the ring. Edge and Christian reunite in the ring. They had Christian on

12:21 telly and Edge wasn't there. They combine to throw Orton out of the ring and then Edge

12:26 gives him one more hug. He goes to leave as Christian when Edge stops him saying "for

12:30 one more time, for the benefit of those with flash photography" which is no one. This

12:36 is no crowds and I've made myself sad again. Number 17, Baron Corbin. He's here. Feels

12:43 like he's always going to be here. Hits the end of days on Daniel Bryan on Samoa Joe.

12:48 Goes on a bit of a tear until out comes number 18, Damien Priest. Damien Priest and Baron

12:53 Corbin do the sort of Spider-Man pointing meme. Corbin stares at the man who inherited

12:59 his mantle of lone wolf of NXT and distracted by the dark backward and abysm of time, Damien

13:05 Priest eliminates Baron Corbin. Suddenly, from the back, Orton, still wearing his mask

13:11 but this time wearing backstage gear, hoodie, sweatpants, runs into the ring. He RKO's

13:16 Edge, throws him through the ropes and he's beating him up on the outside. The clock starts

13:21 to count down from 10, it goes all the way to zero, the buzzer goes, but then nothing

13:26 happens. No one enters. Everyone at home is like "what's up with that?" Orton is too

13:30 distracted by snake rage, he pulls up the padding on the outside revealing the concrete,

13:35 he drapes Edge over the barricade, he's just about to give him the draping DDT onto the

13:39 concrete when all the lights start to go out and wisps of smoke start to pour from the

13:45 seams of Orton's clothes. He starts to pat himself, he rolls into the ring, he's panicking

13:51 and look, we're not going to have crowds and they're doing the hokey bollocks, let's

13:55 give it it's f***ing grand finale shall we? Go big or go home. Randy Orton bursts into

14:01 flames in the middle of the ring. Obviously a stunt double dressed in Orton's clothes

14:06 but there he is in the middle of the Royal Rumble just flaming like the doctor who's

14:11 degenerating. He falls to the ground, people rush in with extinguishers and they just cover

14:17 him with extinguisher smoke and then finally when that smoke clears, you see lying in the

14:21 ring is The Fiend. And I mean god damn, trying to tie off all of Randy Orton's feuds in

14:29 one Rumble. Like he's feuded with everybody this year. Anyway, number 19 is The Fiend

14:35 who now goes clown mental. He eliminates Priest, eliminates Samoa Joe, hopefully now because

14:41 Samoa Joe has met The Fiend he'll revert back to being a f***ing wrestler. Then The

14:45 Fiend and Daniel Bryan get into it, revisiting that old feud. The Fiend hits Sister Abigail

14:50 on Daniel Bryan, stands there in the ring, literal death and destruction in his wake.

14:55 He looks up the ramp, who's going to enter? Number 20, Dominic Mysterio. Hello Mr Fiend

15:03 sir, don't mind me, I'm only little. Dominic slowly walks to the ring like what the f***

15:09 though. The Fiend toys with him, cuts off all his offense but then just as he's about

15:13 to do the whole breaking Dominic's neck thing, gong. The lights go out. The lights come back

15:20 up, no one has appeared. The Fiend is transfixed. He stares at the entranceway. He walks to

15:27 the ropes and just looks, waiting when suddenly Dominic drop kicks him from behind out of

15:32 the ring like The Undertaker was eliminated by Maven all those years ago. The Fiend just

15:36 lands on his feet, perfectly straight and doesn't look back. He's still transfixed

15:41 by the entranceway. He puts his hands to his ears, he's trying to hear it again. Without

15:45 turning back, he walks up the ramp and he leaves. Number 21, Mustafa Ali. Fabulous he.

15:52 Comes to the ring flanked by Retribution. I mean it's not against the rules so why

15:56 not bring your Gimp Legion to play. All the members of the gang, Slapjack, Mace, Revengeance,

16:02 Pudgel, Flathead, Crunch, Sepsis, Quaver, Sporp, Lonnie Donegan, Pennywhistle, Kinder

16:09 Bueno and L.E. Hodel Slapjack. They all storm the ring and start wrecking things, stamping

16:15 on people, knocking everyone down, grabbing a camera, going "Ahh, justice". The ring

16:21 is full of this wonderful job at Stable and number 22 is Olmox. Immediately a reaction

16:29 shot from AJ Styles like "Huh?" Olmox calmly walks up the steps, enters the ring

16:34 to where all the Retribution members are except Ali. He throws all of them out and while he's

16:40 standing at the ropes, Styles sneaks up behind him, tries to eliminate him but fails and

16:45 so immediately just falls to the ground. "Oh no, it wasn't me, it was him. Let's

16:50 get him fellas" and he points to another Retribution member, let's call him Ibita

16:54 Max. He's thrown all the way back to the house where he lives.

16:58 Number 23, Keith Lee. Hurray for Keith Lee. Lee and Olmox have a Hoss Fest which ends

17:05 with Lee powering Olmox out of the ring, eliminating him though of course he lands on his feet

17:10 on the outside like a badass. Styles goes for the Phenomenal Forearm, Lee just grabs

17:15 him on the top rope and then pushes him off into the arms of Olmox on the outside. Then

17:21 Ali runs at Lee who back drops him out of the ring onto Styles and Olmox, knocking everyone

17:27 down and eliminating Ali, Olmox and AJ Styles in one go. Keith f***ing Lee.

17:34 Number 24, Seth Rollins. The Dad Sire returns, the father of the Son of God. Vince McMahon

17:42 laughs in the face of Paternity Lee. Rollins slides in, hits the stomp to edge and immediately

17:47 throws him out. Looks around, yes it's me, I'm the daddy. Celebrates fatherhood

17:53 by immediately beating the s*** out of Rey Mysterio's kid.

17:57 Number 25, Sheamus. Brogue kicks Keith Lee first, lays out most of the other guys but

18:03 then like at Survivor Series, Seth falls to his knees and offers himself to Sheamus in

18:09 sacrifice. He yells, do it, do it. But when Sheamus runs in this time, Seth pops up, turns

18:14 and throws him out. Bit of stuff with Rollins and Bryan which Seth gets the upper hand on

18:19 before he again goes after Dominic Mysterio when enters.

18:23 Number 26, it's Rey Mysterio. It's hot Dad on Dad action. We call that the double

18:30 dad and you'll need to lay down credit card details to watch it. Rey and Rollins get into

18:34 it before Rey and Dominic finally team up to give Rollins the double 619 father and

18:38 son team working together.

18:41 Number 27, Matt Riddle. Or I guess just Riddle now like he's an elf in Zelda. Hey, welcome

18:50 to Riddle's shop. What's wrong with Matt? Anyway, he kicks everyone but Rey and Dominic

18:59 team up on him, they hit double splashes, they stand and embrace when suddenly Dominic

19:04 Mysterio eliminates his tiny dad. Rey just like looks at him, gives the, oh, you, I admire

19:11 your killer instinct, fist bump. And then Dominic goes back to resting.

19:15 Number 28 is Murphy. Seth Rollins tries to recruit Murphy to help him take down Dominic

19:20 and Daniel Bryan who's got to his feet. Murphy agrees, winks at Seth before hitting the Murphy

19:26 trigger on Seth. Dominic then hits the 619 on Seth Rollins. Keith Lee scoops Rollins

19:32 up for the spirit bomb and Daniel Bryan eliminates Seth Rollins from one dad to another. Welcome

19:38 to parenthood.

19:39 Number 29, Bobby Lashley. Bobby Lashley body slams everyone. He's a big boy. He's got big

19:46 boy throws. Don't worry, he's poor enough for everyone. Bryan, Murphy, Dominic, Riddle,

19:53 even Keith Lee, they all eat body slams and power moves from old Bobby Lashford, which

19:58 sets him up for a really nice confrontation with number 30, which would be Brock Lesnar.

20:04 Brock and Lashley have a hoss fest, lots of hoss fests, which ends with Brock hooting

20:09 Lashley out of the ring. Murphy gets belly to bellied out of the ring. Dominic sneaks

20:14 up behind Lesnar, tries to kick him in the balls, but Lesnar just stands there and takes

20:18 it, reaches into his short, pulls out a cup. He throws Dominic to his death. Riddle steps

20:24 up to Brock. Finally, we get that little showdown. Riddle gets some kicks in for Brock, catches

20:28 him, hits him with the F5, eliminates him. Brock and Daniel Bryan. Brock grabs Daniel

20:34 Bryan and he immediately beats the crap out of him because he remembers how dangerous

20:37 Daniel Bryan is. But when he's just about to eliminate him, in comes Keith Lee with

20:41 a huge pounce and Keith Lee and Brock Lesnar get into it one more time. And this time without

20:47 Braun Strowman to come in and f*** everything up, Keith Lee eliminates Brock Lesnar, powers

20:54 him out of the ring and livid. Lesnar pulls Lee from the ring. He then F5s Keith Lee through

21:02 the announce table on the outside. He slides back into the ring, F5s Daniel Bryan in the

21:07 ring. So the match within the match at the end is Keith Lee, who's in a bad way, versus

21:12 Daniel Bryan, who's been in since number five and is in a very bad way. And every single

21:18 part of me that knows about wrestling knows, yes, Keith Lee should be the one to win this.

21:23 It would get him right back on track after a dodgy start on Raw. He eliminated Lesnar,

21:27 so he definitely should be winning. And also him versus Drew, probably versus Lesnar as

21:32 well, would be a bloody blockbuster main event. But the sentimental part of me needs Daniel

21:38 Bryan to win a Royal Rumble before he retires. He says he's on his last run. His contract

21:44 might be up this year, that this is his last potentially Royal Rumble. And yes, it's seven

21:50 years too late. Yes, it's the one without fans, but I can't see Daniel Bryan quit as

21:57 a full time WWE wrestler without him winning the Royal Rumble. It is part of his mythos.

22:05 It's part of his character. It's one of the reasons why he ascended to the WrestleMania

22:08 main event in the first place, because he didn't get to do, didn't get to be in, didn't

22:12 get to win the Royal Rumble. Winning it on his last shot, that is just too nice an end

22:18 to pass up. So you have a good five minutes of the sort of match within a match, Keith

22:22 Lee versus Daniel Bryan, to see who's going to win the Royal Rumble, which should be a

22:27 really nice mini match because either of them could conceivably win. Daniel Bryan goes to

22:31 hit a running knee, but Keith Lee catches him into a spirit bomb. Bryan fights his way

22:36 out of a big bang catastrophe, gets Lee to the ropes like proper David and Goliath, just

22:42 trying to punch him on the ropes, anything. And then he runs and hits one last running

22:47 knee to send Keith Lee tumbling over the top rope. Daniel Bryan wins the 2021 Men's Royal

22:54 Rumble. Should he then go on to beat Roman Reigns at WrestleMania? That's a different

23:00 story. So this has been my Rumble, and it had, it's basically had sort of like six main

23:06 little sections. The Intercontinental Dream Match Warfare at the beginning. Uso Family

23:11 Drama. Edge, Orn and Fiend all kind of trying to wrap each other up. Retribution Takeover,

23:18 sure why not? The Mysterio Family Drama. And of course the Kaiju Hoss Super Battle at the

23:23 end. And this is setting up a WrestleMania consisting of the following kind of matches.

23:27 The Fiend versus The Undertaker cinematic match. Cause no, the weird, awkward little

23:32 segment of old men clapping at Survivor Series cannot be the last time we see The Undertaker.

23:37 Look, I know he debuted at Survivor Series. That's not his pay-per-view. WrestleMania

23:42 is The Undertaker's pay-per-view and he's going to be retired by The Fiend. God damn

23:48 it. Then you have Drew versus Keith Lee versus Brock, which I think would be brilliant. And

23:52 then you got Daniel Bryan versus Roman Reigns. And then you got Jimmy versus Jey Uso. Or

23:56 if you don't want to do that, then you could have Jimmy join the bloodline so that they

24:01 are at their full strength for WrestleMania when Daniel Bryan faces Reigns, which is why

24:05 after, you know, he's already won the main event of WrestleMania. That's the thing with

24:10 Daniel Bryan. He's never won the Rumble. So Bryan goes up against the full power of the

24:15 bloodline and that is too much to overcome. And Roman Reigns retains at WrestleMania.

24:22 And honestly, God, should he retain until WrestleMania 38 when you can finally have

24:29 him run against The Rock? Like, do you keep it for that long? Maybe. He's really good

24:36 as Roman, isn't he? Do you remember when we thought he was sh*t? He's really good though.

24:40 Anyway, that's how I would book the 2021 Men's Royal Rumble. What do you think? Did you hate

24:46 it? I hope, I hope not. It's going to be a weird Rumble this year, folks. But still,

24:51 it is the Rumble. Happiest time of the year and all that. So if you'd like to see more

24:57 booking videos, make sure you subscribe to PartsFunknown. Head over to our Patreon, patreon.com/partsfunknown

25:03 if you want to vote on the next fantasy booking I will be doing. Let me know who you would

25:08 like to win both Rumbles below. I would really, really like Rhea Ripley to win the Women's

25:14 Elite. And we'll see you next time. Jam that jam, everyone. Jam that jam.

25:19 [BLANK_AUDIO]

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