No, I didn't know Ronda was coming back before I shot this.
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SportsTranscript
00:00Hello, I'm Adam Hailing from partsFUNknown and it's the most RumbleFull time of the
00:09year.
00:10Not nothing WWE can do can dim my enthusiasm of the Royal Rumble, and this year is no different.
00:17In fact, it is the first time in forever that the fans have been in attendance for the Royal
00:24Rumble.
00:25I am so excited, so let's get on with the booking.
00:29Normally, I do a big, huge intro to provide important historical context and background,
00:36and a lot of people have been leaving comments, helpful comments, with timestamps so that
00:41people can avoid watching that preamble.
00:46And f*** you too, but no, we're jumping right into it.
00:49Let's rebook some Rumbles.
00:52Let me have a go.
00:57So I'm going to book the Men's Rumble in minute detail, but I'm going to broadly
01:03cover the Women's Rumble first.
01:05Here are a couple of things I would like to see from the Women's Royal Rumble 2022.
01:101.
01:12Bayley returns with her old music and those wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube
01:19men.
01:20Just one night only.
01:22Gimme.
01:23Come on.
01:24Can we just start this year with some happiness?
01:27For f*** sake.
01:292.
01:30An actual nice moment for Nikki SH and Rhea Ripley that isn't just Rhea one-shotting
01:36Nikki, dumping her out of the ring for Nikki to never be seen again.
01:40Charlotte announcing on her way to the ring that she intends to unify the Raw and Smackdown
01:45Women's Championships at WrestleMania to digivolve and become the Omniflare, or the
01:51Brock Les Hur.
01:534.
01:54Asuka returning and murdering the Bella Twins, forcing them to eat their own baseball cap
02:00slash headband delete as applicable, as is Rumble tradition.
02:045.
02:05Lita and Trish finally f***ing meeting in the Royal Rumble.
02:10You didn't do that in the first one.
02:13You still haven't done it.
02:15Why won't you do it?
02:166.
02:17Alexa Bliss using telekinesis or possession to eliminate someone from the Rumble.
02:22You might as well.
02:24Do it to Kelly Kelly.
02:26How hard can it be to possess that mind?
02:30That's mean.
02:32That hit a little heavy.
02:34Kelly Kelly's great.
02:36She's not though.
02:38So the final four of the Women's Rumble will be Asuka, Bayley, Charlotte and Bianca Belair.
02:49Becky fresh off retaining over Doudrop, if you can add them an even.
02:53She interferes in the match, hits Bianca with the manhandle slam, which leads to her being
02:58eliminated by Charlotte, and once again Becky has dodged being in a one-on-one match situation
03:05with Bianca Belair.
03:06But of course, on the road to WrestleMania, Elimination Chamber, blah blah blah, that's
03:11obviously the match we're going to get at Mania.
03:13Charlotte then grabs a chair, just batters the piss out of Asuka, because Charlotte's
03:18doing what Asuka can do at WrestleMania, she's like, nope, don't want none of you.
03:25And she eliminates Asuka, we're down to two, Charlotte vs. Bayley, Bayley wins the Women's
03:31Rumble 2022.
03:34Just as a thank you for, you know, carrying the division on her f***ing back during the
03:39pandemic alongside Sasha Banks.
03:42Thanks very much guys.
03:43Sasha Banks would be featured in this Rumble Summer, but she's out with injury.
03:46Hopefully she returns before WrestleMania, and then her and Bayley can get the thank
03:51you of the Smackdown Women's Championship match with Charlotte in a triple threat at
03:55Mania, which I think would be great.
03:58Now onto the Men's Rumble 2022, and a few notable omissions before we start.
04:05I've been a good boy and put everyone that's announced for the Rumble in the Rumble.
04:11That is, I'm recording this Friday the 21st of January.
04:16And all of this is true as of Wikipedia, but I am very much looking forward to literally
04:22tonight on Smackdown, I don't know, WWE announcing that they've cloned 15 Summer Rays.
04:28And that's making up the rest of the portion of the Men's Royal Rumble, and just to f***
04:33with me.
04:34So if you're watching this when it comes out a week from now, and you're like, oh, actually,
04:38I think you'll find that Finn Balor injured his penis on Smackdown, so now he can't be
04:46in the Rumble, and you've put him in the Rumble, then those are fair criticisms, and I'll
04:53take them on board.
04:54Who will not be in the Rumble, though, is Drew McIntyre, because he is recuperating
04:59a neck injury, so he's not going to be in it.
05:02Where possible, I've tried not to put tag teams in the Rumble, because, like, you have
05:09championships that you guys want, it's called the Tag Team Championship.
05:13So that explains why Riddle, Randy Orton, Alpha Academy, Usos, Viking Raiders, they're
05:19not in the match.
05:20I have put some teams in, because WWE announced them, but that's why they're not here.
05:27So we're at the Royal Rumble pay-per-view, and before this match begins, some context
05:31previously on the card, Riddle and Randy Orton failed to regain their Tag Team Championships
05:36from Alpha Academy, which started the whole breakup, tension, will they, won't they feud
05:43heading into WrestleMania.
05:45Everyone thinks Randy's going to turn on Riddle, you really should have Riddle turn
05:49on Randy.
05:50That would be like heel Riddle, that would work, because he can kill you, so do that.
05:58Usos retain against the Viking Raiders, Edge and Beth Phoenix beat Miz and Maryse.
06:03Brock Lesnar retains the WWE Championship clean against Bubbles Lashford.
06:09But then he interferes in the Universal Championship match between Seth and Roman, planting Roman
06:14with an F5, then he's hit with a stomp.
06:17Seth Rollins pins Roman Reigns to become the new Universal Champion.
06:24Also on this show, Corey Graves is on commentary, and for some reason is being a lot more of
06:30a dick to Byron Saxton than he normally is, which is already quite a dick indeed.
06:35And there's also a backstage throughline of Sami Zayn repeatedly running into pranks,
06:40which have been left for him by the Jackass team.
06:42He gets really annoyed about it and goes to the room where the person is with the tombola
06:46and all the numbers and he says, you know the number I want, you get out of the way.
06:52He opens up the tombola, looks, looks, looks, looks, finds the number he wants and says,
06:59why I oughta.
07:00And leaves.
07:01Now that's a lot of context to go into it, but you know, it might all pay off in the
07:05Rumble, here's hoping.
07:06And that is where we're starting right now.
07:10Entrant number one, no he doesn't want any, no correct he does not want any, it's AJ
07:18Styles.
07:19Moving into the role of Iron Man number one, it is entrant number one, the phenomenal one,
07:25AJ Styles, who promises to knock those 29 other men flatter than, well, you know.
07:32And speaking of radical theories, Austin Theory is number two.
07:38Vince's new Tamagotchi, who he has so far managed to not kill or discipline to death.
07:44He comes out and he's had a meeting with Vince before the Rumble match starts.
07:48He says, oh, listen pal, I want the whole Royal Rumble as I want it from number two.
07:55So y'all gotta win the Rumble from number two.
07:59Where's me head?
08:00Where?
08:01Have you seen it?
08:02Have you seen it?
08:03Where's me head?
08:04I have an egg around here.
08:05Have you seen it?
08:06Where's me head?
08:07Have you seen it?
08:08Theory and Styles begin the Royal Rumble 2022.
08:15They lock up and do, and I want to use the correct industry term here, good wrestling.
08:21Number three, Ricochet.
08:23And speaking of good wrestling, poor Ricky, the Pew Pew Dude jumps in, does a few flip
08:29along Cassidys with AJ Styles and Austin Theory, who are made of the same brand of slinky as
08:36him.
08:37Also, can we please let Ricochet hit a 630 splash?
08:40Like once?
08:41I haven't seen him do it in ages.
08:44Possibly because I don't watch Raw.
08:46Why would I do that?
08:47But it's the Royal Rumble.
08:49Like he's not going to be in this Rumble for very long, spoilers.
08:52So please let Ricochet hit a 630 on Austin Theory.
08:55Please.
08:56So he hits it.
08:57He hits all of it.
08:58Austin Theory rolls out to the outside to, you know, recuperate.
09:02In comes number four.
09:04He is here to show the world.
09:06He's here to show the world.
09:09Bring it on.
09:10It's Dolph Ziggler.
09:12Now I like Dolph.
09:14I think he's got good hair, great chin, and he's very good at bumping for wrestlers who
09:21are not quite as good as him, which is why he's here.
09:24Number five is Omos.
09:27On hearing Omos' music, AJ Styles gets more angry than the last time he was in London
09:33and someone suggested he see a play at Shakespeare's Globe.
09:36He gets in Omos' face, demand that he turn around, eliminate himself, and go back up
09:42that ramp.
09:43Omos then, of course, snatches him up for the Khali bomb.
09:48What's it called when Omos does it?
09:50It's like, you know, the thing that Khali and him do where they pick you up and then
09:54they just go, ah, and it always looks bad.
09:58What's it called?
09:59I don't care.
10:00So he hits that to Styles, Ricochet springboards into Omos, he wobbles, doesn't quite fall
10:06off his feet.
10:07Ziggler hits a super kick, Omos wobbles, doesn't quite leave his feet, then Ricochet goes for
10:13one more top rope maneuver, Omos catches him, and then just f***s him through Dolph Ziggler
10:19and both men tumble to the outside.
10:22Omos f***ing Ricochet through Dolph Ziggler.
10:24I do say horrible things.
10:27So Ziggles and Ricky are both eliminated.
10:29Austin Theory steps up to Omos, staggers him a little, but then Omos catches him and is
10:35lifting him up in the air for a gorilla press slam when suddenly, from out of nowhere, comes
10:40AJ Styles with a phenomenal forearm, hits Omos right in the face, he falls, and Austin Theory
10:46lands on top of him just in time for number six, Montez Ford.
10:52Ford immediately hops up to the top rope and hits his wonderful, beautiful, amazing frog
10:56splash on Omos.
10:58Styles then takes control, he's like, right, you, let's all get him up and get him right
11:04on out of here.
11:07I can't do a Georgian accent, but I'm assuming that's what it sounds like.
11:12Styles is directing traffic, they pick Omos up, they get him over to the rope, they're
11:16trying to lift him up when suddenly Omos does boom, that thing from the Matrix reloaded
11:22with Neo and all of the Agent Smiths, boom, he's Austin Theory, he's just flying everywhere.
11:28Omos lays everyone out once again, just in time for number seven, Dominic Mysterio.
11:34Aw, he's a real boy.
11:36Dominic, true Mysterio that he is, is unafraid to step up to the giant, but it doesn't work.
11:43Omos just straight kicks him in the face and then, I don't know, just stamps on his dick
11:48like eight times.
11:51One, two, that's the third stamp to the dick, now comes four, five, take a little break,
12:03six, seven, eight, oh my God, the triple threat.
12:06And speaking of eight, number eight, Rey Mysterio.
12:09Poor, poor old dad, that's a hell of a thing to see happen to your son, wingus.
12:15Omos has Dominic up for the Kali bomb or whatever it's called, when Rey Mysterio springboard
12:20does a little sit down thing and both Mysterios land on top of Omos and Dominic just starts
12:27going mental, just sees red and just pounding, pounding on top of Omos and he just kind of
12:35rips open his chest thing and he's like, they pick up Omos, they take him to the ropes and
12:39it looks like the father and son team may be able to pull off a miracle and topple the
12:43giant when accidentally Dominic clotheslines out his own dad instead, oh God.
12:51And then Omos just kind of heaves him out afterwards.
12:54Both Mysterios have been eliminated, oh what's the dad to do about this, my disappointing
13:01boy.
13:02After ten minutes of destruction, can anyone stop Omos, in comes number nine, Walter, not
13:10Gunther, because, no I know, we'll get used to it won't we, because WWE aren't going to
13:16stop, they're just going to keep calling him Gunther, not even Gunter, Gunther, the f***ing
13:23guy from the coffee place, Gunther, they're going to keep calling him that and we'll just
13:28get used to it like we got used to all the other things, but like, no, this is, no, this
13:35is the line, we're drawing in, we can stop this, we can do it, we just have to not stop,
13:41right?
13:42Because Walter has been a champion for over 800 days in the company and he's put on, in
13:47the last few years, some of the greatest wrestling matches of the decade, no, no he's Walter,
13:55you crazy sons of f***ing b****es, no.
13:59Anyway, point is, Walter steps up to Omos, chops him and Omos immediately dies.
14:04The Redwood falls with one swing of the axe.
14:08It's wonderful.
14:10Walter picks up Omos and turfs him out of the ring.
14:14God bless you, you big Austrian baby man.
14:1810.
14:19Angelo Dawkins
14:20The Street Profits are united and team up to try to take down Walter, they ask him if
14:24he wants to smoke, but Walter doesn't understand that lingo and kills both of them, just chops
14:30them both to death.
14:31Styles flies into frame with a phenomenal forearm from out of nowhere and the Street
14:36Profits see this and, oh God, he's staggering and they try to rush him, but he just, bang,
14:42both of them die, and he picks them up and throws them out of the, literally chops them
14:47both out of the ring.
14:49Street Profits are eliminated, in comes number 11, Finn Balor, or Finn Balor, as William
14:56Regal used to announce him.
14:58God, I miss William Regal.
15:00The most penis man in the history of the Royal Rumble enters the ring, and with all the ghosts
15:05of the fallen NXT souls at his back, he rides towards Walter with one thought in mind.
15:13Stop him.
15:14Kill him before he lays eggs.
15:15Balor goes hog wild on Walter, and by hog, I mean his dick, but also I don't mean that.
15:23Balor is finally the one who is able to knock Walter down when he does that double kind
15:28of drop kick thing into the corner.
15:32Things start to settle down when entering at number 12, it's Corey Graves.
15:38After almost eight years on the shelf, confined to the same no contact list that saw Paige,
15:45Daniel Bryan, Edge, Corey Graves has miraculously been cleared for active competition again,
15:51and what better way to bring him back than here at the Royal Rumble.
15:55He stands up, takes off his shiny Paisley jacket to reveal a shiny Paisley wrestling
16:02singlet underneath.
16:03He says something really horrible to Byron Saxton, then he gets in the ring, he spears
16:08AJ Styles, spears Austin Theory, spears Finn Balor, tries to spear Walter, but Walter kills
16:15him of course.
16:16Corey Graves rolls out of the ring to try and recollect himself when Byron Saxton says,
16:20don't worry buddy, you'll get him next time, and Corey Graves just slaps him in the face
16:25and then gets back into the ring, and that camera just holds on Byron Saxton, and you
16:32just see him change, like, you know what, that's all I can stands, I can't stands no
16:40more.
16:41He rushes into the ring in full suit, he takes Corey Graves down, he mounts him and just
16:48beats the shit out of him.
16:50Saxton walks back to the commentary table, does up his tie, and then Austin Theory picks
16:54up Corey Graves and eliminates him from the Royal Rumble.
16:58Get yours, Byron.
16:59There's a good lad.
17:00Number 13, Cesaro.
17:02Big Tony slides into the ring and him and Walter recreate a few of their spots from
17:08their recent series of matches they did on a European tour.
17:11I can't believe I never got to see that match.
17:14That sounds really great.
17:15Anyway, they do some of it here.
17:17Number 14 enters the fray, Damian Priest.
17:20The current US Champion enters all smiles in his Dr. Jekyll persona before immediately
17:25getting chopped by Walter and immediately becoming Mr. Hyde.
17:30Just wide-eyed, going mental, he grabs the US title and he just clatters Walter with
17:36it.
17:37He just clatters him again and again, he calls over Finn Balor, both him and Finn Balor manage
17:41to grab a leg of Walter's and then they manage to eliminate Walter from the Rumble
17:47before Damian Priest then picks up the title and because he's still hopped up on that
17:51rage, he clatters Finn Balor as well and then eliminates him before he can finally calm
17:59himself down.
18:01As he is calming himself down, AJ Styles flies in again and hits another phenomenal forearm
18:07from out of nowhere.
18:08It's just the thing I want AJ to keep doing in this Rumble.
18:11When a spot ends, the final punctuation mark is AJ Styles flies in from off camera with
18:17a phenomenal forearm.
18:18It just makes me laugh.
18:20Number 15, Sami Zayn.
18:22Sami Zayn runs in and sees that the other four men still left in the Rumble are Cesaro,
18:26AJ Styles, Damian Priest and Austin Theory and they're all getting to their feet in
18:31a separate corner of the ring.
18:34Ta-da-da-da-da-da, Sami power.
18:38He runs and hits a Haluba kick on AJ Styles, then Cesaro, then Austin Theory, then Damian
18:43Priest and then he reaches for a microphone and he cuts a promo about, I deserve some
18:48goddamned respect, okay?
18:52I am a professional, a professional wrestler and I demand your respect and I know who's
19:02coming next and by god, I'm going to beat some respect into them.
19:08In comes number 16, Johnny Knoxville.
19:11Johnny Knoxville arrives looking like me after I've been awake for eight weeks straight.
19:15He comes out and he stands at the top of the ramp, Sami Zayn just bellows at him through
19:21the microphone.
19:22I hate you, grow up, you're stupid and so's your show.
19:27You are immature, you are responsible for the lessening of an entire generation of minds.
19:34Now get down to this ring and I'm going to beat the hell out of you.
19:38However, Knoxville just stands there and he points to the back and then out comes, I've
19:45never seen Jackass, so I have got Luke Owen to write down a couple of the names here on
19:52this little tablet.
19:54Luke Owen culturally never left the early 2000s, so this has been helpful.
19:59Out comes Steve Zero, O, Steve O, Chris Pontius, Wee Man, he's underlined not Bam Margera or
20:11Margera, not sure what, I don't want to get into that, I have no idea.
20:16Preston Lacey and Dave England, is that his real name?
20:21Dave England, they all come out and join Johnny Knoxville on the ramp and then they
20:27all come down to the ring and they kick Sami Zayn to death.
20:31They pick him up, throw him over the top rope and then the rest of the Jackass crew that
20:36isn't Johnny Knoxville, they pick him up and they take him to the back, presumably
20:39to enact some pranks with a Z, I don't know, something about skateboarding, cowabunga.
20:46Johnny Knoxville stands in the ring, puts up his dukes, I'm the man, in comes number
20:5217, Kane, because I genuinely can't resist, it's such a lame reason, but I cannot resist,
21:01Knoxville versus Knox County.
21:05Come on, that's some fun.
21:08Alright, but also, Kane, I don't want the last time we see Kane to be in a rumble with
21:14no one in attendance, no fans, because it's Kane, he's genuinely one of the best characters
21:21in the history of wrestling and 21 years after he came out and made Drew Carey wet himself,
21:28he's going to do the same thing to Johnny Knoxville, so tie it all off.
21:31He picks up Knoxville and because I think Knoxville would be game for this, he hits
21:34him with the Tombstone Piledriver and then throws him over the top rope.
21:39Then I'll go and see Jackass forever, I guess, we're not sponsored by him.
21:43Luke is going to go and see it.
21:46Cowabunga.
21:47Number 18, Madcap Moss.
21:49I have to put him in it, he's been announced on Wikipedia, but they didn't say anything
21:54about not subjecting him to a terrible time.
21:56He takes a chokeslam, he takes a phenomenal forearm, he takes an ATL, he takes a European
22:02uppercut, all that jazz.
22:04Before in comes number 19, X-Pac.
22:08Another nostalgia pop for the middle portion of the rumble where you can kind of do the
22:13silly stuff.
22:14X-Pac has apparently been cleared to wrestle on the indies, hope he doesn't blow his
22:17asshole out again, and he's always remained fairly tight with WWE, even when he's on
22:22literally one of their live streams slagging off their product.
22:26The product he was slagging off was of course Hell in a Cell 2019, so fair play to him.
22:31He hits Madcap Moss with the Bronco Buster, because again it can't be emphasized how
22:35much of a bad time I would like Madcap Moss to have, before X-Pac turns to face Kane in
22:41the middle of the ring, and everyone who remembers the Attitude Era will remember their friendship,
22:48their team, and their eternal feud.
22:53The two men finally hug in the middle of the ring, Kane forgives X-Pac, the feud is over.
23:01It's finally over.
23:03Number 20, Happy Corbin.
23:05In he comes, and because love is dead and so is God, him and Madcap Moss eliminate Kane
23:10and X-Pac.
23:12Sorry.
23:13They grab some microphones, and then they start telling jokes.
23:17For example, mality, mality, mality, mality.
23:24Well that's the four malities out of the way, that's Tim Vine's joke.
23:29And it's a much better joke than Happy Corbin or Madcap Moss would ever tell.
23:33Anyway, point is, they're being horrible, and then Cesaro comes in and starts beating
23:36up both men by himself, because he can and he's Swiss.
23:39He knocks them both down, picks up them both by the legs, and swings both of them around
23:45in a giant swing.
23:46I honestly reckon Tony could do it.
23:48In comes 21, Big E.
23:51Poor Big E.
23:52Sorry about the year so far.
23:54Can we please give Big E some nice things in 2022?
23:58Starting with this, the power of positivity slides in, just poise Madcap Moss into space.
24:04Just through the ceiling of the stadium.
24:06Out he goes.
24:07In comes number 22, Sheamus.
24:09Sheamus, Big E and Cesaro have a three-way Hoss Rumble, when suddenly everyone is taken
24:13down by Damian Priest.
24:15In comes 23, Kevin Owens.
24:20Kevin Owens arrives, he pokes Damian Priest in the eye before hitting him with a Stunner,
24:24and then hitting Austin Theory with a Stunner, and then hitting AJ Styles with a Stunner.
24:30He eliminates Damian Priest, he throws him over the top rope and then does a cannonball
24:35run into Cesaro, Styles, Theory.
24:38Does a cannonball roll into Big E.
24:40Stands there saying, this is, I'm the whole, this is the Kevin Owens show.
24:45That's what he says.
24:46This is the Kevin Owens show.
24:48In comes number 24, King Woods.
24:51What would a Royal Rumble be without its King?
24:55Out comes King Woods, carried to the ring on a throne.
25:00He's found four local wrestlers from the area.
25:03He's dressed them up like Crew, but fancy Crew with little capes on, and they're carrying
25:07his throne down to the ring.
25:10He jumps from his throne onto the top rope and springboards onto Happy Corbin, the former
25:16King being assaulted by the current King.
25:18Enter number 25, Nakamura.
25:21It's a Regal Three Way.
25:23I hate, I did not enjoy saying that.
25:25Three men who have all been Kings batter the Royal Hell out of each other in the Royal
25:31Rumble.
25:31Before Big E comes back in to turn the tide in Woods' favour and both men eliminate
25:37Happy Corbin.
25:38See you later.
25:39Number 26, in comes Ridge Holland.
25:41Nah, not sure about this.
25:43Because I know he's just broken his nose at day one.
25:47Which by the way, like after Sheamus spent almost the entirety of 2021 breaking his nose,
25:55and then he brings Ridge Holland into this tag team with him, and then literally on the
25:59first day of 2022 Ridge Holland breaks his nose.
26:03Like, I don't know if he'd be medically cleared, but I just wanted to come down to
26:08the Rumble in exactly the same nose protector that Sheamus kept wearing, and he's brought
26:13one for Sheamus as well.
26:15Can never be too careful, Sheamus.
26:17Sheamus puts it on.
26:19Both men, with the little things on, team up to eliminate Cesaro because of Da Bar.
26:25Number 27, Kofi Kingston.
26:26It's a New Day.
26:28Reunion.
26:29Yes, it is.
26:30All three members of the New Day reunite at the Royal Rumble and they hug it out to much
26:35acclaim.
26:36They then team up to eliminate Sheamus and Ridge Holland.
26:40Let's get Ridge Holland out of there quickly before more damage is done.
26:46Enter number 28, Tommaso Ciampa.
26:49Let's just get him out of NXT before too much more damage is done.
26:54Have him and Shinsuke Nakamura find each other in the middle of the Rumble.
26:59I'd like to see that.
27:01Ciampa plants Nax with the Widow's Belt and eliminates him.
27:06That sets up maybe a little something something for the journey to WrestleMania.
27:11Ciampa stands there, just happy to be out of NXT 2.0, surveys the crowd, and then from
27:16out of nowhere AJ Styles flies in with a phenomenal four-up.
27:20So currently in the ring are the following.
27:23AJ Styles, Austin Theory, numbers one and two.
27:27They're still in there.
27:28All of the New Day, Kevin Owens, and of course, Tommaso Ciampa.
27:33Most men are down.
27:34All of them are weary when in comes number 29, Goldberg.
27:40Now, now listen.
27:44Yes, but I'm going somewhere with this.
27:48Goldberg comes in, wrecked shot.
27:50He's about to hit Austin Theory.
27:52Austin Theory says, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
27:53He goes out the ring.
27:54He grabs his phone.
27:55He just wants to take a selfie with Goldberg.
27:58Puts his arm around him.
27:59Goldberg picks him up and throws him over the top rope with hopefully Austin Theory
28:04managing to get a selfie of himself being eliminated on the way out.
28:08Goldberg then spears Tommaso Ciampa, picks him up.
28:11He eliminates him and has one contestant left.
28:14Number 30, it's the rated R superstar.
28:20It's Edge.
28:21After beating The Miz earlier in the night and after winning the entire rumble from number
28:25one the previous year, entering number 30 is everyone's favorite Adam.
28:28It's Edge.
28:29Him and Goldberg stand eye to eye to each other.
28:32They run away from each other into the ropes, rebound, and just into each other with a spear.
28:37I, every time I forget how much that hurts.
28:40Goldberg gets to his feet first.
28:42He spears both Woods and Kingston.
28:45At the same time, he picks them up and he throws them over the top rope, but they land
28:50on the ring apron and then he pushes them both off the ring apron and they fly and land
28:56in the throne that is still being carried at ringside.
29:01So Woods and Kofi Kingston are both on this throne platform and they tell the people carrying
29:06the throne, okay, just go, go around the ring.
29:08Let's avoid Goldberg.
29:09They go all the way around the ring, but Goldberg is there.
29:12They're like, okay, go back, go back.
29:14Okay, just go back.
29:14They go back around the ring.
29:16Goldberg is there and like, okay, we're just going to, we're going to stay here.
29:19Goldberg gets out of the ring under the bottom rope and he just pushes the throne over.
29:26All of the people holding it, all of the people in the throne, they all tumble to the floor.
29:31Woods and Kingston are eliminated and this makes Big E mad.
29:37Big E's pissed and wails on Goldberg and using the power of positivity and revenge
29:45and also his muscles, Big E single-handedly eliminates Goldberg.
29:51The final four then, Edge, AJ Styles, Big E and Kevin Owens.
29:57Styles and Edge meet in the ring.
29:59Edge, of course, returning to the Royal Rumble and immediately injuring AJ Styles.
30:04AJ offers him a handshake, you know, all is forgiven and all that.
30:08Then he offers him a test of strength and kicks Edge square in the penis.
30:13With that, he picks up Edge and he throws him out of the ring doing that.
30:21Styles then hits a Styles Clash on Kevin Owens and then he sees Big E getting to his feet.
30:26So he goes to the ring apron and he's ready.
30:29He's ready and he gets up on the ring apron and he springboards two hits.
30:35One more phenomenal forearm when he's snatched out of midair by a spear from Edge.
30:42Big E picks up AJ Styles, throws him over the top rope.
30:47Two men remaining in the 2022 Royal Rumble, Big E and Kevin Owens.
30:53Now, you really could go either way with this.
30:58I know a lot of people really want Big E to win this Royal Rumble after a really crappy end
31:03to his WWE Championship reign, which never really felt like it had a chance to get going.
31:08He had that really good match with Drew McIntyre, never forget that.
31:11After that, people think that maybe Big E should get a win here, but actually I would
31:15hold off until SummerSlam to be the time where you re-crown Big E.
31:21Just have a longer road to redemption storyline.
31:25Have it end in a summer of positivity, that being the name of the whole storyline.
31:32And it starts in earnest at WrestleMania.
31:35Big E going one-on-one and beating Goldberg.
31:41Which also is something that Big E really wants to do.
31:43So that would be nice, wouldn't it?
31:45To give him something that he really wants.
31:48Kevin Owens and Big E battle for a few minutes before once again Kevin Owens jams a thumb
31:53in Big E's eye, hits him with a stunner.
31:56Big E doesn't fall, he just stumbles backwards.
32:00Kevin Owens runs in and clotheslines him over the top rope.
32:03Kevin Owens is your winner of the 2022 Royal Rumble.
32:11And he goes on to face his current friend, but Kevin Owens does not understand the meaning
32:17of the word friend.
32:18Seth Rollins for Universal Championship at Mania.
32:21And this is generally what the Mania card is looking like in my head.
32:25Bianca vs Becky for the Raw Women's Championship.
32:27Bayley vs Charlotte vs Sasha in a triple threat for the Smackdown Women's Championship.
32:33Big E vs Goldberg.
32:35Edge vs AJ Styles.
32:37Finn Balor vs Damian Priest vs Walter for the US Championship.
32:42Tommaso Ciampa vs Cesaro vs Nakamura for the Intercontinental Championship.
32:47Kevin Owens vs Seth Rollins for the Universal.
32:50And Roman Reigns vs Brock Lesnar for the WWE Championship.
32:55I don't know, I think some of that looks good.
32:58I think it does.
32:59And also Rey vs his kid.
33:01Rey vs Dominik.
33:03Why not?
33:05I think he wants the match.
33:06So yeah, father and son.
33:08Where else to do it than WrestleMania.
33:10And that is how I would book the 2022 Royal Rumble.
33:13Do you massively disagree?
33:15Who would you like to see win both Rumbles?
33:18Let me know in the comments.
33:19Don't forget to like and share this video around if you enjoyed it.
33:22Make sure you subscribe to Parks for Unknown for more wrestling content.