The 3 Added Minutes team return for a festive special as Matthew and Jason debate who would make a five-a-side team made up of the most Christmas-appropriate players in Premier League history. Will Mistletoe-ny Adams get the nod over Ledley King? Can Demba Bu Humbug make the cut? And will all of the puns be that painful?
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00:00 I mean, a big shock result there where Jesus loses out
00:02 and his place in a Christmas Five-A-Side team.
00:05 (whistle blows)
00:07 Hello, I'm Matthew Gregory, and thank you for joining us
00:14 for a special best of edition
00:16 of Three-Hour Minutes Fantasy Five-A-Side,
00:18 the show in which we build the best possible five-man team
00:21 to some extremely specific,
00:23 and in this case, seasonal requirements.
00:25 This week, we're gonna be making a Five-A-Side team
00:27 made up of the Christmas-iest footballers ever to play
00:30 in the Premier League.
00:31 And here to help me is, as always,
00:33 and especially jolly, Jason Jones.
00:35 - Okay, so here's how it all works.
00:37 Matt and I take it in turns to propose
00:39 a suitably festive play for a spot on our team.
00:41 Then we spend some time arguing over
00:43 who should make the squad until one of us caves in.
00:45 As always, we need to start with the goalkeeper,
00:47 so I'm gonna suggest,
00:49 and I can't really believe we're doing this,
00:51 to be honest, Matt, Slayer Given,
00:55 which I think is about as good as this episode
00:58 is gonna get, to be fair.
01:00 Oughta give him his full name, Slayer Must Given.
01:02 But yeah, Slayer Given,
01:04 absolute Premier League legend, isn't he?
01:08 Over 350 appearances for Newcastle United.
01:12 And in our neck of the woods,
01:15 obviously we both live on the banks of the Tyne,
01:18 he is still as absolutely revered as he was
01:22 when he used to be the number one at St. James' Park.
01:24 Just an incredible shot stopper,
01:26 an incredible organiser of defences,
01:29 just a wonderful player.
01:30 Obviously, then went on to join Manchester City,
01:33 won an FA Cup with Manchester City as well.
01:37 Eventually sort of shuffled out of that side
01:41 by the emergence of Joe Hart.
01:43 And then to be fair, then went on to Aston Villa
01:45 and did pretty good things there as well.
01:46 So, you know, he was just,
01:49 certainly throughout my childhood
01:51 and even as I sort of got a little bit older,
01:53 just a consummate professional,
01:56 arguably one of the best goalkeepers
01:58 that the Premier League's ever seen
02:00 without ever really having the silverware to back that up.
02:03 - Whoa, whoa, excuse me.
02:06 Lest we forget, Premier League champion,
02:08 technically, with Blackburn Rovers,
02:10 as he was a young lad at Ewood Park.
02:12 He never played, didn't get a game,
02:13 he was fourth choice when Blackburn won the league in '95
02:16 when he was about 19 or something like that.
02:18 So excuse me, let's just put some respect
02:21 on the '95 title winning team's name, yeah?
02:23 - I mean, I'm quite happy to stand corrected,
02:26 to be honest with you.
02:27 It only serves to back up my point further.
02:29 Yeah, no, I mean, you know, it's interesting as well.
02:33 He had a loan spell at Sunderland,
02:35 which a lot of people forget about.
02:37 He sort of played a handful of times for--
02:39 - Me included.
02:40 - Yeah, for Sunderland at one point as well.
02:41 So he's been around the block.
02:43 Obviously finished his career with Stoke City as well.
02:46 Yeah, like I say, I just think that
02:48 as far as Premier League goalkeepers go,
02:50 he's up there in terms of being an all-time up
02:53 without having the heft of silverware
02:56 that the likes of a Peter Schmeichel or someone might have.
02:58 So for me, I'm tempted to go with Slayer given.
03:02 - Yeah, I feel like you skated over the outstanding pun
03:07 quite quickly.
03:08 I mean, it's not gonna be the worst pun we get
03:10 in the course of this recording, let's be honest.
03:12 I mean, there aren't that many footballers
03:13 who have actually Christmassy names,
03:15 so we have stretched things a little bit.
03:19 In the spirit of which,
03:20 I'm gonna propose another goalkeeper
03:21 who isn't necessarily dripping with silverware,
03:24 although I think he has got a bit more than Shea given,
03:26 but was still a very fine shot stopper, a great goalkeeper.
03:29 I'm gonna propose Liverpool's wonderful Pepe Reindeer.
03:33 I'm gonna be honest, that Shea given
03:37 is a better pun than Pepe Reindeer.
03:38 We really struggled with goalkeeper names.
03:40 We were this close to proposing Bruce Grobber last Christmas.
03:44 That's how desperate we were
03:45 for a goalkeeper Christmas pun.
03:48 I'm not gonna talk about Reindeer's qualities
03:50 as a goalkeeper.
03:51 He was brilliant, much like given a fabulous shot stopper,
03:53 much like given a really good sort of commander of the area.
03:57 What I am gonna talk about,
03:58 because we're looking for the Christmassy-est players,
04:00 and that's obviously mostly an excuse to do puns,
04:01 but I did some research into the relative Christmassy-ness
04:05 of given and Reindeer.
04:06 Now, they have both been keen on posting pictures themselves
04:09 with their families every Christmas
04:10 with a little cheery message for the fans.
04:12 All I say is Shea given is the guy who does it
04:14 in matching pajamas with his family.
04:16 Reindeer, like a turtleneck, you know,
04:18 sort of cardigan or something like that.
04:19 He doesn't go in for the full Christmas spirit,
04:21 but I think he still has, you know,
04:24 I've just realized I'm now effectively arguing
04:26 against my own choice,
04:27 which is not really sort of the purpose of this show.
04:30 So with apologies to Pepe Reindeer,
04:32 I seem to have played this one
04:33 straight into the hands of Slate given.
04:35 But it's appropriate, 'cause as we all know,
04:37 Christmas is a time for given.
04:39 (whistle blows)
04:46 Right, so at the back,
04:48 I'm gonna go with the one, the only,
04:51 Missile Tony Adams,
04:53 Arsenal legend, of course.
04:55 670-odd appearances for the Gunners, countless trophies.
04:59 I think it was four top flight titles,
05:01 two Premier League, two First Division one,
05:03 it was still that.
05:05 Yeah, he is just, again,
05:07 to sort of parrot what I said about Shea given,
05:10 one of the greatest players in his position
05:12 that I think the Premier League has seen.
05:15 There's just no getting away from it,
05:17 to be honest with you.
05:18 He was Mr. Arsenal for pretty much
05:21 the entirety of his career,
05:23 and certainly towards the last stages as well.
05:25 He was very much emblematic of what the club stood for,
05:30 of the success that it had during his time
05:32 while he was captain.
05:33 You know, and if we're talking about stylistically,
05:35 he was very much no nonsense, meat and two veg,
05:38 you know what I mean?
05:39 His Christmas dinner is as traditional as it gets,
05:42 I think it's fair to say.
05:43 He was that sort of player, no nonsense.
05:45 And yeah, just a wonderful, wonderful player.
05:48 And also just, you know,
05:49 I know he's had his struggles in his personal life,
05:51 but he seems like a really stand up guy as well.
05:53 And yeah, I think there's a lot to be said
05:55 for Tony Adams as a player and as a person.
05:57 So I would like to suggest, missile Tony Adams.
06:02 - Can you, just before we go any further,
06:04 can you please say the puns
06:05 with a little bit more conviction, Jason?
06:07 Like, you know, we've got another,
06:10 we've got a whole episode of this to get through.
06:11 Like, you've gotta like,
06:13 you gotta believe in these puns.
06:14 You've gotta have some faith.
06:16 - I'm a very, I'm a very empathetic person, Matthew.
06:19 And I can only imagine the pain
06:21 that people are going through watching this.
06:24 So yeah, it stems from that.
06:25 But no, if you want a bit more enthusiasm,
06:29 love that.
06:30 Missile Tony Adams at the back.
06:32 - Thank you.
06:33 We've got to get into like the Christmas cracker level
06:35 humor spirit here.
06:36 I know that's my level every day,
06:39 but you know, you've got to bring yourself down to my level
06:42 just for this one recording.
06:44 Look, anyway, speaking of absolutely terrible puns,
06:45 I'm going to propose,
06:46 and I'm going to sort of force in
06:48 a completely needless North London Derby element
06:50 to this, you know, utterly pointless debate
06:52 by bringing in Tottenham Hotspur legend,
06:54 Ledley Stocking.
06:56 Could have gone with Ledley Three Kings,
06:58 but I thought Stocking was just a little bit stronger.
07:00 You know, it's debatable.
07:01 You know, a fantastic defender, obviously.
07:04 His career was, you know, cut short, he's a little strong.
07:07 He was in a way like, you know,
07:08 he's heavily reduced and limited
07:10 by all the terrible injuries he had.
07:12 But you know what players down do
07:13 when they get a statue of themselves
07:14 outside the old ground while they're still playing?
07:17 You know, he had a horrible time with all those knocks,
07:21 but he was just, he was a fantastic defender
07:23 and deeply underrated, I think, even at the time.
07:25 Brilliant in the air, really good judgment in the tackle.
07:27 I think he only picked up something like eight yellow cards
07:29 in his whole career or something like that.
07:31 Single digits, certainly.
07:32 He just had that knack of knowing exactly
07:35 where a defender was going to go and dealing with them.
07:37 He had all the physical qualities to be able to like,
07:39 handle sort of big, strong center forwards.
07:41 He was fabulous, like when, you know,
07:43 with dealing with crosses in the box.
07:45 Really, really good player.
07:48 And I think when he was deeply underappreciated,
07:50 he doesn't have very strong Christmas credentials.
07:52 Apparently he once turned, well, last year, in fact,
07:54 turned on the lights at the Tottenham Winter Festival.
07:57 That is basically about as festive as,
08:00 as far as I can tell, as Ledley King has ever got.
08:02 No matching pajamas.
08:03 He's just not that kind of guy.
08:04 He's a very, I don't know,
08:07 clearly more sartorially aligned than someone like Shea Given.
08:10 - And yeah, I think it's a toss up, really.
08:12 I mean, you know, like they were both really,
08:15 really good players.
08:15 I guess Tony Adams did perhaps achieve more,
08:18 get more silverware over the course of his career,
08:20 which seems like a pretty good sort of deciding factor.
08:22 Do you have any sort of thing to say
08:23 about Tony Adams' quality as a Christmas footballer
08:25 to try and seal this?
08:27 - None whatsoever.
08:29 What I will say though,
08:30 is that I actually have a real soft spot for Ledley King.
08:33 And I do think that were it not for,
08:36 like you mentioned, the injuries,
08:38 I really, really believe that he would have
08:42 potentially been one of the best centre-backs
08:43 that this country's ever produced.
08:44 And I hand on heart believe that.
08:46 I think he would have probably got into that side,
08:48 even in the, you know, like the competition
08:51 alongside the likes of John Terry and Rio Ferdinand.
08:54 So yeah, for me, I'm actually,
08:56 I'm willing to give you this one.
08:57 I think we go with Ledley King in the spirit of Christmas.
09:00 Yeah, let's have Ledley King in the back.
09:03 - I appreciate that little present, Jason.
09:05 Thank you.
09:06 (whistle blows)
09:08 - Okay, so this one,
09:15 I'm gonna go with Frank Incense Lampard in midfield.
09:21 I mean, I know who you are gonna suggest.
09:24 This is very much turning into a battle
09:26 of the Jesus stocking fillers.
09:28 But yeah, for me, Frank Incense Lampard.
09:32 I mean, I think Frank Lampard,
09:35 where he's at in his managerial career
09:37 is sort of running the risk
09:39 of becoming a little bit of a mean, dare I say.
09:42 I think that things haven't really worked out for him.
09:46 Apart from that season with Derby County
09:47 where he very nearly took them up.
09:49 Things haven't really worked out for him
09:51 in the way that he would have liked
09:52 anywhere else that he's been.
09:53 And I think that the internet is a very cruel place
09:57 with a very short memory.
09:58 And I think that if he continues on his current trajectory,
10:02 there is a risk that a newer generation of football fans
10:06 will remember Frank Lampard, the dud manager,
10:10 as opposed to Frank Lampard,
10:12 arguably the greatest goal scorer in midfielder
10:14 that the Premier League has ever seen.
10:16 What he brought to that Chelsea side,
10:18 pretty much throughout his career,
10:20 obviously starting from West Ham,
10:21 would later spend some time at Manchester City,
10:23 but he was Mr. Chelsea.
10:25 And what he brought to that side
10:27 was just almost irreplaceable to be honest with you.
10:30 That sort of late run into the box,
10:33 sweeping up those balls across the edge of the box
10:38 and scoring so many goals as a result of that.
10:41 He was just devastatingly effective in that role.
10:45 Obviously, wonderful for England as well.
10:48 There was the whole Lampard-Gerrard debate,
10:50 again, the entirety of my childhood.
10:52 And I do think that it's a shame
10:53 that we never truly got the best out of both of them
10:55 in the national team.
10:56 But I think if we're talking about
10:57 Kiewa football and ability and contribution as well,
11:02 in terms of personal contribution,
11:04 but also in terms of silverware as well,
11:05 I mean, what didn't he win with Chelsea?
11:08 I think that for me,
11:10 Frank Lampard is just,
11:11 he's an absolute shoe-in for pretty much any team
11:14 that he's a candidate for.
11:15 - Yeah.
11:16 Yeah, no, you're right.
11:17 I mean, he has not been
11:18 the world's greatest football manager.
11:20 He was a fabulous player.
11:21 And just to prove I have really done
11:23 my Christmas-related research,
11:24 because I'm just a true professional,
11:27 I'm in the top 10 for all-time Premier League
11:29 Boxing Day goals,
11:30 just about five Premier League Boxing Day goals.
11:32 Apparently most of all time, Robbie Fowler,
11:34 completely pointless fat boy there.
11:35 Nine goals on Boxing Day throughout his career.
11:37 (whistle blows)
11:40 Okay, we're halfway through the three added minutes
11:47 Fantasy Fiberside Christmas special.
11:49 Join us after the break.
11:51 (whistle blows)
11:54 (upbeat music)
11:56 (whistle blows)
12:04 Welcome back to the three added minutes
12:10 Fantasy Fiberside Christmas special,
12:12 where we're building a team made up
12:13 of the Christmas-iest players in Premier League history.
12:16 (whistle blows)
12:23 - Yeah, I mean, as you say,
12:24 like we're pretty much,
12:25 if you're gonna go with Frankincense Lampard,
12:26 I obviously had to come up with a pun
12:28 related to the little gifts for the baby Jesus.
12:31 And I've, you know what,
12:33 I think I've been quite creative here.
12:34 I've shied away from the obvious Bobby Gold,
12:36 partly because that would be positionally inappropriate.
12:39 Paul Merson,
12:40 which I think is pretty decent.
12:44 But look, and he was a pretty decent player as well.
12:47 I think a lot of people sort of,
12:49 'cause they know him nowadays,
12:50 in the same way people know Lampard,
12:51 perhaps the younger generation know him
12:53 as a not particularly successful manager.
12:55 I think there's an even sort of longer young generation,
12:58 older young generation, does that make sense?
13:00 You know what I mean.
13:02 Of people who know him as the slightly bluff guy
13:04 on soccer Saturday who can't pronounce foreign players' names.
13:08 And they sort of probably assume
13:09 that he was not the most cultured footballer as a result,
13:13 which is just not true.
13:14 He was a wonderfully technical player.
13:16 Great touch, really languid.
13:17 He had that kind of,
13:18 it's almost that Berbatov-y kind of quality
13:20 of just gliding around the pitch,
13:22 which you could just say was relatively low effort.
13:24 But he had the sort of talent and the guile
13:26 and the passing range to make up for it.
13:28 He was a cracking player.
13:30 I won't say he was necessarily as good as Lampard.
13:32 I would say that his career post-football
13:34 has been more successful than Lampard in his chosen career
13:37 because he has done well as a funder.
13:38 And he's also done a lot of good work
13:40 sort of talking about his issues with addiction,
13:42 which obviously sort of were a big problem
13:44 for him throughout his career.
13:46 And when you consider what he's actually been through
13:47 and what he's struggled with,
13:49 the fact that he achieved what's like about 350, 400,
13:51 something like that, games for Arsenal,
13:53 another 150 odd for Aston Villa.
13:55 And, you know, really good career at the top level,
13:57 sort of, you know, a few England caps as well.
13:59 He is a cracking player.
14:01 But I will admit at the same time,
14:03 for all his achievements,
14:04 for all the wonderful player he was that I remember,
14:07 I mainly just selected him because his name is Paul Mertsen.
14:11 And, you know, we need to just sort of carry on
14:13 with these awful puns.
14:14 Everyone always wanted frankincense rather than,
14:17 it was always gold frankincense,
14:18 but there's been a very clear ordering
14:20 of sort of quality of gifts.
14:21 So I think we've established he's Bobby Gold,
14:23 who's better than Frank Lampard,
14:24 but Frank Lampard is better than Paul Mertsen.
14:26 So yeah, bear it on for this team.
14:28 Frankincense Lampard gets the spot.
14:29 (whistle blows)
14:32 - I think sometimes in these modern times, Matthew,
14:41 we can sort of lose sight of the true meaning of Christmas
14:47 and the origins of the holiday.
14:50 And I think, you know, when you boil it down,
14:53 ultimately Christmas is about one man and one man only,
14:57 and that is Jesus, or as they would say in Spain, Jesus.
15:02 And for that reason, I'm going with Jesus Navas,
15:07 who by the way, is achingly close to Navidad as well.
15:12 So it's sort of a double whammy as far as I'm concerned.
15:15 He's pretty much called Jesus Christmas,
15:18 which if we're looking for a Christmassy player,
15:20 it doesn't get much better than that.
15:23 Yeah, obviously Premier League fans will know him,
15:27 Manchester City winger, won the title with them in,
15:30 I think it was 2014, won a couple of league cups as well.
15:34 Yeah, and just a really exciting player to watch
15:36 in his pomp, wasn't he?
15:37 You know, flying winger, very direct,
15:40 little sort of nippy, technically adept.
15:44 And it's sort of a weird one with Manchester City,
15:46 because I feel like in the sort of mid 2010s,
15:49 they had such a turnover of players who came
15:51 and they'd be there for a couple of three seasons,
15:53 and then they'd go again,
15:54 they'd be replaced by somebody very like-for-like.
15:57 And I think it's sort of easy to forget the contributions
16:00 that some of those players made individually
16:03 during their time at the club.
16:05 But for me, I think Jesus Navas, you know,
16:08 he won't go down as one of the greatest
16:09 Premier League wingers of all time,
16:10 but he was a very, very, very good footballer.
16:13 And he's certainly better than a man
16:16 who I was going to suggest, Kiki Masampa,
16:19 who of course Manchester City fans used to call Chris,
16:22 because then it would give him the name.
16:25 - Oh, right, okay, yeah.
16:26 I forgot, I was wondering where we were going with this.
16:28 I've got to be honest with you, mate.
16:30 - Which is, as far as we're talking about
16:32 bad Christmas puns, I mean, that is,
16:34 Chris Masampa is just wonderful.
16:37 That is god-tier work.
16:38 But for the purposes of this podcast--
16:40 - It's not quite one size fits all, but you know,
16:42 I'll give you credit for that.
16:44 I have to admit, I've forgotten about Kiki Masampa,
16:46 but there we go.
16:47 - I think everyone had to be fair, you know.
16:50 You sort of wonder how many Christmas cards
16:51 he gets every year, don't you?
16:52 But yeah, no, like I say, for the purposes of this podcast,
16:56 I'm going with Jesus Christmas himself, Jesus Navas.
17:01 - I'm going to propose, however, another player
17:02 who shone for a couple of years in the Premier League,
17:06 you know, had ups and downs through his career,
17:07 but had, you know, a couple of years where he was really good,
17:10 which is Denver Bar Humbug,
17:13 which is probably quite appropriate for a player
17:14 who is a practicing Muslim, and therefore,
17:16 they're presumably not that fussed about Christmas
17:18 in general.
17:19 But yeah, Denver Bar Humbug.
17:21 Thank you very much for that reaction.
17:23 I think it's appropriate.
17:24 Kraken player, particularly, so yeah,
17:27 brilliant for like that brief spell of West Ham
17:28 when he first came here from Germany.
17:30 Absolutely superb for Newcastle.
17:34 I've got some very sour memories of him
17:35 'cause his first goals for Newcastle
17:37 was when he banged a hat-trick against Blackburn.
17:39 Brilliant hat-trick as well.
17:40 I think he did the same against Stoke about two weeks later.
17:43 He just had patches of form where he was unstoppable.
17:46 He was quick, technically excellent,
17:49 knew exactly where the goal was.
17:51 And when he did score, it tended to be really good.
17:53 He didn't score many tap-ins.
17:54 It tended to be sort of 20 yards latched into the top corner.
17:57 Fabulous goals.
17:58 And I think, you know, he was one of those players
18:01 where for sort of that two, three-year period,
18:02 he was absolutely fantastic.
18:04 And then obviously he went to Chelsea.
18:05 He didn't really work out.
18:07 He wasn't great there.
18:08 You know, I think he scored like six or seven league goals
18:11 over two years.
18:12 Just, you know, hard to know what happens.
18:14 I don't know if it was just sort of like a physical issue,
18:17 if he wasn't quite there anymore.
18:18 But yeah, he was a great player at his pomp.
18:20 And like, you know, Navas was too.
18:23 I'm just wondering, are we doing this as a Premier League thing?
18:25 Because I'd say Denbigh Bar was better in the Premier League,
18:27 but you can argue Navas was better
18:29 in the entirety of his career
18:30 if you bring the stuff in Spain into it.
18:33 - Yeah, I mean, I'll be honest with you, Matt.
18:35 I'm tempted to give you just on the strength
18:36 of that pun alone.
18:38 It really, that did genuinely tickle me.
18:41 Not to say the others haven't, but they haven't.
18:45 But that one I think was genuinely good.
18:47 So yeah, that's, you know what?
18:49 Denbigh Bar, Humbug, get them in the side, man.
18:52 - I mean, a big shock result there
18:53 where Jesus loses out in his place
18:55 in a Christmas fire this side, too.
18:57 (whistle blows)
19:04 - Okay, so finally, we need a centre forward.
19:08 We need a striker.
19:09 I'm gonna go with a man who is about as tall
19:11 as your average Christmas tree,
19:13 and that is Andy "Christmas" Carroll.
19:17 Obviously, bit of a cult hero in the Premier League,
19:20 or a cult villain, depending on who you support.
19:22 But yeah, Andy Carroll.
19:23 Obviously started his career at Newcastle United,
19:26 boyhood club, did enough from there
19:28 to earn a big money move to Liverpool.
19:30 One that you sort of got the impression
19:32 that he was never that keen on,
19:33 to be perfectly honest with you.
19:34 And I'm not even sure that Liverpool
19:36 were coming to think of it,
19:37 but they spent, what was it?
19:38 35 million pounds on him.
19:40 Took him to Anfield in a helicopter one day.
19:42 He had a thoroughly miserable time there.
19:45 Yeah, and then he ended up at West Ham
19:48 and various other clubs in the English football and pyramid.
19:52 But yeah, I just think that, you know,
19:56 we haven't really discussed this much,
19:57 but this is a five-a-side team.
20:00 And I do think you need a certain amount of physicality.
20:03 And while you could potentially argue
20:05 that Andy Carroll isn't the greatest footballer
20:08 with the ball at his feet,
20:09 although it is worth pointing out,
20:11 he scored some absolute wonder goals
20:12 in his career as well.
20:13 - I was going to say, yeah,
20:14 he's pretty handy technically,
20:15 but just because he's gigantic
20:17 doesn't mean he couldn't kick a ball,
20:18 you know, in a wonderfully beguiling fashion,
20:22 which he could.
20:23 - He maybe isn't the greatest technical footballer,
20:27 but he is capable of some real moments of magic.
20:33 And let's be honest,
20:34 Christmas is the most magical time of the year.
20:36 But I think the two in combination,
20:38 that sort of juxtaposition of being able to bully people
20:43 and then also just produce something from nothing,
20:46 in my mind at least,
20:47 makes him just about the perfect five-a-side striker.
20:50 So on the basis of that,
20:52 and on the fact that his name is literally Carroll,
20:57 I'm going to go with Andy Carroll,
20:58 but I'd be interested to see who you have
21:01 in the bank for this one.
21:03 - We could not possibly get through this episode
21:06 without bringing up the Christmas-iest player of them all,
21:10 at least in terms of nomenclature, Roque Santa Cruz.
21:14 I mean, there's no way we could not do this.
21:16 Like Carroll, in many ways, quite a big physical guy,
21:18 not as big and physical,
21:19 also very good technically, probably more so.
21:22 He's a cracking striker.
21:24 Obviously we've established already
21:25 in the show I'm a Blackburn fan.
21:26 I am pretty biased.
21:27 He was a fabulous player.
21:29 Sort of altogether way too many Christmas-related puns.
21:32 It was just, if you were a lazy tabloid sub-editor
21:35 around December, everything he did
21:37 was either a Christmas cracker
21:38 or a Christmas present to the opposition.
21:40 Although I did like,
21:41 not that it was actually around Christmas,
21:43 but when Sam Allardyce was in the process
21:45 of becoming Blackburn manager,
21:46 there was a rumor going around
21:48 that he said he'd only take the job
21:49 if the club agreed to not sell Roque Santa Cruz.
21:52 And the headline was "Big Sam Santa Claus,"
21:55 which I really did appreciate
21:57 as sort of a bit of headline magic.
22:00 Great first touch, great finish, did brilliantly.
22:03 Got his big move to Manchester City.
22:05 Never really did anything ever again.
22:07 He's just one of those players
22:08 who had all the ability in the world,
22:09 but only did it for Blackburn Rovers at all clubs.
22:13 And for that, we kind of love him,
22:15 and we still love him, and I love him.
22:17 And you were saying earlier that Christmas
22:20 is about the main man, and you mentioned Jesus.
22:22 I'd say Christmas is about the main man
22:24 and his father, Christmas.
22:25 I mean, that tells you a lot
22:26 about my personal belief system,
22:27 but Santa is the main man.
22:29 So how can you not have Roque Santa Cruz?
22:31 - I think I agree with that logic
22:34 in the sense that if I never saw
22:37 another Christmas caroler again, I'd be delighted.
22:41 If I never saw Santa Claus again,
22:42 I think there'd be a lot of very, very sad people.
22:46 So for that reason alone,
22:47 and the fact that I know how dear he is to you,
22:49 I think we've got to go with Roque Santa Cruz.
22:51 (whistle blows)
22:54 (gentle music)
22:57 - Right, well, that just about does it.
23:00 We've got our Fiverside team
23:02 of the Christmasiest players ever to play
23:03 in the Premier League.
23:04 In goals, Leigh Given, in front of him,
23:07 Ledley Stocking, Frankincense Lampard,
23:09 Denver Bar Humbug, and of course, Roque Santa Cruz.
23:13 That's all for the three-out-of-minutes
23:14 Fantasy Fiverside Christmas Special.
23:16 We'll be back with some more episodes in the new year,
23:18 but until then, you can spend the festive period
23:21 reading all of the finest football writing
23:23 and insight on the internet at www.3outofminutes.com
23:26 and enjoy some even more great sport programming
23:29 here on Shots TV Freeview Channel 276.
23:32 This program was produced by Mark Wilson
23:33 and from all of us, a very happy Christmas.
23:36 (whistle blows)
23:37 (gentle music)
23:39 (upbeat music)
23:43 (upbeat music)
23:45 (upbeat music)
23:48 (upbeat music)
23:50 (upbeat music)
23:53 (upbeat music)
23:56 (upbeat music)
23:58 [Music]