A man who lost his brother to suicide says social media allowed him to create a "false sense of reality" when he was struggling to cope.
Tom Dickinson, 27, admits he made the "worst mistake" in choosing to bottle up his emotions after the passing of his brother Liam, 22.
He continued to go out every weekend and party in Ibiza "two or three times a year" whilst battling his own demons.
Tom shared snaps of himself partying on his instagram appearing happy but in reality, he says he was suicidal.
Two years after Liam's death, Tom says he was close to taking his own life but managed to eventually confide in his family.
Now, six years on, Tom tells his story to schools and businesses across the country, in the hopes of helping others.
Tom, a furniture business owner and public speaker from Barnsley, South Yorkshire, said: "It was those photos where I was partying that I had that realisation - I look happy but in reality I've just admitted to myself that I wanted to end my own life.
"Instagram and social media can sometimes restrict people from reaching out.
"People that look the happiest and are having the best time in person or on social media quite often are the people that are struggling the most.
"On social media, people that are the most depressed and anxious might be having this false sense of reality and they don't want people to see them that way.
"There's always that stigma around male mental health - on the outside looking in you could see someone as having it all together but that perception isn't always true."
Tom was devastated when he found his brother, Liam has taken his own life in 2015 just minutes after an argument.
He said: "I had a really good upbringing with my brothers, Liam and Alex, 35, and my sister, Gemma, 32.
"Liam had a really bad scooter accident when he was 16 and from there I think the trauma triggered his depression.
"He was in a very difficult place from 18 to 22 with his depression and substance abuse.
"One particular evening, I had gotten really fed up and frustrated with his addiction and I lost my temper with him.
"I found him 15 minutes later and he'd taken his own life.
"I had made the mistake of choosing to ignore what had happened after seeing how upset my family was and that was the worst thing that I could have done.
"Two years later it came back and bit me significantly - I was depressed and suicidal."
Tom continued to put things to the back of his mind as he continued to try and battle the loss of his brother.
After posting photos of parties in Ibiza and regular nights out, it eventually all became too much for him.
He said: "I was very lost for quite a number of years.
"I don't think that's just me. Many lads are stuck in that situation and we don't know what to do so we just go out and get battered looking for that short-term fix.
"I remember there was one particular evening in 2017 where I was very close to taking my own life.
"As often happens with people with depression, I couldn't admit it to myself.
"I eventually broke down in front of my dad and explained what was wrong and I started to get better and get back on top of things again."
Tom continued pushing on and whilst on a furniture delivery to a local school, he got chatting with the head of sixth about his story and asked to come in and do a talk.
He said: "I really wanted to give back and we thought if the kids could see someone who's still quite young they'll be able to relate to it a little more."
He now travels up and down the UK with 'Tom's Talks' - delivering talks for different schools and businesses.
Tom said: "The most rewarding feeling is seeing people engaged with everything you're saying.
"To stand there and know that you might have helped one person, that's what it's all about.
"My main message is for people is it's okay not to be okay but equally we have to look after ourselves first.
"So many people underestimate the impact of mental health.
"For me, life isn't easy. It never will be easy. But so as long as we eat well and keep ourselves healthy, when we go through adversity we are in a much better place to be able to combat that."
Tom's Talks: https://toms-talks.co.uk/
Tom Dickinson, 27, admits he made the "worst mistake" in choosing to bottle up his emotions after the passing of his brother Liam, 22.
He continued to go out every weekend and party in Ibiza "two or three times a year" whilst battling his own demons.
Tom shared snaps of himself partying on his instagram appearing happy but in reality, he says he was suicidal.
Two years after Liam's death, Tom says he was close to taking his own life but managed to eventually confide in his family.
Now, six years on, Tom tells his story to schools and businesses across the country, in the hopes of helping others.
Tom, a furniture business owner and public speaker from Barnsley, South Yorkshire, said: "It was those photos where I was partying that I had that realisation - I look happy but in reality I've just admitted to myself that I wanted to end my own life.
"Instagram and social media can sometimes restrict people from reaching out.
"People that look the happiest and are having the best time in person or on social media quite often are the people that are struggling the most.
"On social media, people that are the most depressed and anxious might be having this false sense of reality and they don't want people to see them that way.
"There's always that stigma around male mental health - on the outside looking in you could see someone as having it all together but that perception isn't always true."
Tom was devastated when he found his brother, Liam has taken his own life in 2015 just minutes after an argument.
He said: "I had a really good upbringing with my brothers, Liam and Alex, 35, and my sister, Gemma, 32.
"Liam had a really bad scooter accident when he was 16 and from there I think the trauma triggered his depression.
"He was in a very difficult place from 18 to 22 with his depression and substance abuse.
"One particular evening, I had gotten really fed up and frustrated with his addiction and I lost my temper with him.
"I found him 15 minutes later and he'd taken his own life.
"I had made the mistake of choosing to ignore what had happened after seeing how upset my family was and that was the worst thing that I could have done.
"Two years later it came back and bit me significantly - I was depressed and suicidal."
Tom continued to put things to the back of his mind as he continued to try and battle the loss of his brother.
After posting photos of parties in Ibiza and regular nights out, it eventually all became too much for him.
He said: "I was very lost for quite a number of years.
"I don't think that's just me. Many lads are stuck in that situation and we don't know what to do so we just go out and get battered looking for that short-term fix.
"I remember there was one particular evening in 2017 where I was very close to taking my own life.
"As often happens with people with depression, I couldn't admit it to myself.
"I eventually broke down in front of my dad and explained what was wrong and I started to get better and get back on top of things again."
Tom continued pushing on and whilst on a furniture delivery to a local school, he got chatting with the head of sixth about his story and asked to come in and do a talk.
He said: "I really wanted to give back and we thought if the kids could see someone who's still quite young they'll be able to relate to it a little more."
He now travels up and down the UK with 'Tom's Talks' - delivering talks for different schools and businesses.
Tom said: "The most rewarding feeling is seeing people engaged with everything you're saying.
"To stand there and know that you might have helped one person, that's what it's all about.
"My main message is for people is it's okay not to be okay but equally we have to look after ourselves first.
"So many people underestimate the impact of mental health.
"For me, life isn't easy. It never will be easy. But so as long as we eat well and keep ourselves healthy, when we go through adversity we are in a much better place to be able to combat that."
Tom's Talks: https://toms-talks.co.uk/
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FunTranscript
00:00 I ran downstairs screaming. I went outside and found that he'd hung himself on the balcony.
00:05 He'd taken his own life.
00:06 I'm not gonna lie to you. There's not a day that goes by where I don't think about it.
00:12 I have nightmares about it. I always think about it. It was awful. I wouldn't wish it upon anybody.
00:18 But one thing I will say to you is, if that would have not happened to me
00:23 eight years ago, I would not be stood here right now talking to you lovely people.
00:29 And that is how you should see life. Life isn't easy. Life has never been easy and it never will
00:35 be easy. But once you start seeing life happening for you instead of to you, your life will change
00:40 in an unprofound way. And the other thing about social media that I think I hate the most
00:45 is bullying. I've been a victim to bullying in the past. It's awful. It's one of the worst
00:50 feelings that can ever happen to you. Bullying in person is bad enough because it f***ing hurts.
00:58 Bullying online is even worse because when you say something to somebody in person, it goes. It's
01:04 not there. It's not tangible. When you say something to somebody online, it's there. It never goes away.
01:10 And that person that you've said something to is constantly reminded of the hurtful thing that you
01:14 have said. And like I said before, the person with the biggest smile on their face can be the one
01:19 struggling the most. So they put a kid in a classroom with a marshmallow and said, "There's a
01:24 marshmallow there. If you eat it, that's fine. But if you wait half an hour, you can have two more
01:29 marshmallows." And because he didn't want to delay that gratification for a bigger reward, he ate the
01:34 marshmallow straight away, but then was disappointed with himself because he knew if he'd have waited
01:38 half an hour, he could have two more. And that is the difference between instant and delayed
01:42 gratification. So practicing resilience, this means that when you have a difficult day,
01:50 it means not giving up. Not giving up at the first sight of hardship. Not giving up at the first
01:56 failure. Making sure that you are getting to the end of the day and you keep fighting and you keep
02:00 pushing. That is mental resilience. But like I said in the talk earlier, if we focus on our health
02:06 and we focus on our happiness, making sure we're doing the foundations right every day, we're eating
02:11 right, we're exercising, that's going to give us far much more energy and it's going to give us
02:16 far much more mental resilience to then overcome life's challenges and life's adversity. I am
02:22 grateful for my partner. I'm grateful for a roof over my head. I'm grateful to be able to speak in
02:27 front of you today because I absolutely love it. I'm grateful for clean water. I'm grateful for my
02:33 health. Those are just a number of things that I will tell myself every single day I'm grateful for
02:38 because I am focusing on what I've got. I'm not focusing on what I don't have. And like I said,
02:42 when we focus on what you've got, you always have enough. When you focus on what you don't have,
02:46 you never have enough. Like I said, the richest person in the world is the person who has enough.