Eddie | The Dog Walk
Category
🥇
SportsTranscript
00:00 All right, today is Thursday, September 28th.
00:02 Welcome to the dog walk presented by Barstool Sports.
00:05 Listen, we're bringing you back a free swim.
00:06 I had an interview tentative of a plant, it fell through.
00:10 So this is what we do.
00:10 We're just gonna kind of roll it into this.
00:12 Little bit of a change of cast.
00:15 White Sox Dave is here, Chief is here still,
00:18 and then Stephen Che is here.
00:20 Last time we did this, Clem was in for Chief,
00:23 and you guys talked about the famous
00:25 how to eat box video.
00:27 So people really enjoyed that.
00:29 So I think you guys are a good duo.
00:31 So welcome back, Steve and Dave.
00:33 - Thank you, thank you for having me.
00:35 I like working with Dave.
00:36 - Are you all right?
00:37 - Yeah, why?
00:38 - Did you go out yesterday?
00:38 - No.
00:39 - You got kind of wild eyes.
00:40 - Yeah, you got it.
00:41 - Why do I have wild eyes?
00:42 (laughing)
00:43 - They're just very, they're darting all around.
00:46 - You got wild eyes.
00:47 - I'm being accused of shit.
00:48 I was asleep by like 10 o'clock last night.
00:50 - I'm not accusing you of anything.
00:51 - As soon as Brant Brown dropped that fly ball,
00:55 I was sleeping like a baby.
00:58 - You fucking cocksucker.
00:59 - You piece of shit.
01:00 No, well, maybe you slept too hard.
01:03 You look like maybe you got like a night quill sleep.
01:05 - Nope.
01:06 You know what I'm gonna do?
01:07 - What?
01:08 - I'm gonna have Nicky Smokes sit in my spot.
01:09 - Why?
01:10 - I just feel like that's,
01:11 we do a ton of shit, all three of us together.
01:12 I feel like maybe having Nicky Smokes
01:14 in here for today's episode.
01:15 - You know what, I kind of like that.
01:16 I'm sick of you.
01:17 Get your ass out of here.
01:18 And we can have Spider come in
01:20 and talk about his,
01:22 he got another booster shot this morning.
01:24 - Oh God.
01:25 - Listen, I'm not trying to get a COVID-19 flag
01:29 on every podcast I do.
01:30 And every time you and Spider are in the same room.
01:31 - Is it still a fucking thing?
01:33 - I think so.
01:35 - It can't possibly be.
01:35 - I have four shots and I'm not getting another one.
01:38 - Oh, really?
01:39 - No, I'm talking about getting flagged on YouTube for.
01:41 - Oh, I'm sure.
01:42 - Like, I'm not even,
01:43 it's not, I got two of them.
01:46 - It's still a thing?
01:48 Chase is like, yeah, it's still a thing.
01:49 They're still doing it.
01:50 Here comes Nicky Smokes.
01:52 - I feel like I'm being set up.
01:54 - You think it's a set up?
01:55 - Typically Ed does set up,
01:57 but I can, at least in this moment,
02:00 speak for him and say, this is not a set up.
02:03 - All right.
02:04 - We're just kind of sick of Chief.
02:05 - It's kind of a wild crew.
02:07 - Sick of Chief?
02:08 - No.
02:08 - No, you can't be sick of him.
02:10 - Sometimes it's just good to throw a mishmash of people
02:13 at the crowd and see what happens, you know?
02:17 - Sure.
02:18 Works for me.
02:19 - I gotta ask.
02:20 So I posted this video on Twitter the other day.
02:22 I was just over there in the kitchen,
02:24 minding my own business, and I look in here,
02:26 and Spider's giving you a full rub down.
02:29 Like, not like, hey, buddy, how you doing?
02:32 He's going to town for 30 seconds, a minute, maybe longer.
02:36 - He came up and just did a half shoulder squeeze,
02:40 and I was like, hey, you know what?
02:41 That was kind of nice.
02:43 If you want to keep going, keep it rolling.
02:44 - I said that yesterday.
02:46 I've never had an actual professional massage.
02:49 - Are you kidding me?
02:50 - It's just one of those things I've missed,
02:51 and I think I prefer a guy.
02:54 - You look like a massive rub and tug guy.
02:57 - No, I've never been to a massage parlor in my life.
02:59 - A massive rub and tug guy.
03:01 Have you been to a legit massage?
03:06 - A regular massage.
03:07 I never got a rub and tug,
03:08 but yeah, I've been to several regular massages.
03:10 - Now, like couples ones,
03:11 or you go regularly by yourself?
03:13 - Both.
03:14 - Okay.
03:15 - I don't go regularly by myself.
03:16 Like, if I go, it's typically with my wife,
03:18 but I've gotten a solo massage once.
03:19 - So you would recommend with Dave?
03:20 - I would.
03:22 - You would recommend Dave to do one.
03:26 - It's just one I just never have for no reason.
03:28 I just never got one,
03:30 but I think I would want someone
03:31 like really with meaty man hands.
03:35 - I mean, you can ask for a certain type of pressure.
03:38 - See, like, look at Nikki Smokes right now.
03:41 - Well, hold on.
03:43 - Am I the only one here who's gotten a rub and tug?
03:48 - I have not.
03:49 - I have not.
03:50 - Eddie, you hesitated, bro.
03:52 - Yes, you have.
03:52 - I, listen, here's the thing.
03:56 I went and I got a massage,
03:59 and I didn't know it'd be part of it.
04:00 Like, I wasn't seeking it out,
04:02 and it was part of it.
04:03 So it was just like an added.
04:05 - So the answer is yes, you've gotten one.
04:06 - Yes, but it wasn't like I was-
04:07 - But you didn't go in there with the intent.
04:08 - Correct, correct.
04:09 - All of a sudden?
04:10 - Well, it's just kind of like-
04:13 - Ed, come on.
04:14 - I'm telling you.
04:15 - You just happened to see some like,
04:17 like little hoedunk massage parlor.
04:21 - How'd you know?
04:22 - Some side street that, you know,
04:24 like dusts down the windows and-
04:26 - 'Cause you get down to your underwear,
04:27 and then when they're like,
04:28 "Oh, take off the underwear,"
04:29 then it's like, "Oh, it's like."
04:31 - Well, like, what was her gesture?
04:32 Like, how'd you know that this wasn't just a basic massage?
04:35 - She said here, to the place.
04:39 Here, you know what I mean?
04:41 - So it was a little voluntary.
04:43 - What?
04:43 - She asked here, like, do you like,
04:46 you know, she's doing like the full,
04:48 the full-
04:49 - Oh, okay.
04:49 - Kin Kabuto.
04:50 - Yeah, yeah.
04:51 - And she asked here, I was like,
04:52 "Well, if you want to."
04:54 (all laughing)
04:56 Sure, sure.
04:59 That was really it.
05:00 I know you in Miami,
05:01 you're just ripping those things up.
05:02 - No, I mean, I'm not like Deshaun Watson.
05:04 Like, I'm not going six times a month,
05:07 but you know, like once in a blue moon.
05:09 - Yeah, that was-
05:10 - 'Cause there's one right by the Hard Rock Casino,
05:13 like the Guitar Hotel down in Fort Lauderdale.
05:16 So like, if you have a big night at the casino and you win,
05:19 like you go out, you take care of the boys,
05:20 everyone gets a rub and tug,
05:22 and you go home feeling like the man.
05:24 - Yeah, yeah.
05:25 Look at Dave, he's like acting like he's so grossed out.
05:29 - I'm not, I'm not.
05:31 I mean, to each your own.
05:32 I just never been a hooker guy.
05:34 - It's a 24/7 one?
05:35 - I wouldn't call him a hooker.
05:37 It's a rubbing.
05:38 - No, 'cause I think, correct me if I'm wrong, Shea.
05:40 - Yeah.
05:41 - I think it's very a part of the culture there.
05:43 Like, like men and their sons.
05:45 - Why are you asking Shea?
05:45 - Yeah.
05:46 - Well.
05:47 - What do you mean?
05:48 - I'm sorry?
05:49 - No, no, no, no.
05:50 Like Asian descent.
05:50 (laughing)
05:52 - So what, be doing hand jobs?
05:54 - Yeah, like men and their sons will go and like the,
05:58 and it's like part of the--
05:59 - It's being used to me.
06:00 - Yeah, I mean, I don't think I would ever take my son
06:03 to go get a rub and tug.
06:04 - No, no, no, no, no.
06:04 But unless if someone like that, people say that to you.
06:08 - They're yanking your chain back?
06:09 - Make you feel better about it.
06:10 - What generation--
06:11 - Someone said that's part of their culture.
06:13 Like you go, you get the rub, and then you get the tug,
06:15 and it's like, it's part of the experience.
06:17 - Yeah, it's like a bar mitzvah.
06:19 - Yes, exactly.
06:20 You know?
06:21 - You're a man now, son.
06:22 - Yeah, like you're, it's, you know, if you go
06:24 and you get whatever, you go to dinner,
06:26 you get a mint at the end, like that's part of it.
06:29 - That's not like that at all.
06:30 (laughing)
06:31 - That's what I was told before.
06:32 - Going--
06:33 - That's why I need you to clarify.
06:35 - That's news to me, if that's a thing.
06:37 I can imagine going to a rub and tug with your dad
06:41 must be one of the worst experiences.
06:43 - Yes, that's kind of--
06:44 - That's not a coming of age.
06:45 - Well, knock him dead, son.
06:47 (laughing)
06:47 - I don't disagree, but I also feel that way
06:50 about strip clubs.
06:51 - Who goes to strip clubs with their dad?
06:53 - A lot of people.
06:54 - People do.
06:55 - A lot of people, especially when they're older.
06:56 Like, I haven't done it.
06:58 - What, how old?
06:59 - Like, 24, and my friend's dad's, they'll be like 50.
07:03 Like, we'll go to a strip club.
07:04 - If it's your friend's dad, if it's your dad.
07:06 - The first time I ever went to a strip club
07:08 was with my best friend and his dad after Marlon's game.
07:12 And he took us, and he showed us the ropes
07:14 of how to run the strip club.
07:17 - How do you run a strip club?
07:20 You go in--
07:20 - In your position, that's cool.
07:21 - And not run it.
07:22 - In your friend's position, that's weird.
07:24 - No, I know, but like--
07:25 - You know, like, operate it.
07:27 - I know what you mean.
07:28 Like, do a strip club correctly.
07:29 Like, do the experience correctly.
07:31 But like, you walk in, at least, well,
07:35 I'm not a strip club guy either.
07:36 I haven't been in a long time.
07:39 But--
07:39 - Just lying to the people.
07:40 - Just lying.
07:41 - When I turned 18--
07:42 - That's what's tough, is like, Dave,
07:43 like, he's a burning passion for tits,
07:48 but he's like, oh, I'm not this, I'm not that.
07:51 So it's like, what are we doing?
07:52 Do you just look at magazines?
07:53 - I haven't been to a strip club.
07:54 I think the last time I went was when I was in Vegas,
07:57 when I was like 24.
07:59 And I'm 34.
08:00 - I mean, I'm not the biggest strip club guy either.
08:02 Like, it's honestly like my least favorite cup of tea.
08:05 But if it's the right night and everything lines up,
08:08 I'll go.
08:09 But like, I don't like going to the strip club
08:10 every weekend.
08:12 One, you'll be broke.
08:13 And then I just feel like a loser,
08:15 like throwing all my hard-earned money on these girls.
08:18 - It's a time and place thing, for sure.
08:20 I mean, I think like two times a year is tops.
08:24 - Yeah, I think it's best.
08:25 - Like, tops, absolute tops.
08:26 - It depends on how many bachelor parties you go to, right?
08:27 Like, if you're like 29, you're going to
08:30 eight bachelor parties a year,
08:31 you're probably gonna go to at least
08:32 eight strip clubs a year.
08:33 - Sure, sure.
08:34 - Yeah, that's true.
08:35 - And more or less, sometimes I look at it
08:37 as it's just a late bar, you know?
08:40 Like, it's just a place that's open late.
08:41 - Like a 3.30.
08:42 - You're gonna keep drinking,
08:43 that just happens to have a stage in,
08:45 topless women, like that's,
08:47 but I don't love it either.
08:49 It's like so awkward, like when you don't wanna dance
08:51 and you're just like, and they keep approaching you,
08:53 it's like, I'm sorry, like, it's just not gonna happen.
08:55 Like, let's just, you know.
08:58 - Strippers are the best sales people in the entire country.
09:01 - No, they're not.
09:02 - Yes, they are.
09:03 - No, they're not.
09:04 - They are so good at their job.
09:06 They will have you from a lap dance
09:08 to the private room in 15 minutes.
09:10 Guaranteed.
09:12 - They know how to spot a sucker better than anybody else.
09:16 - But that's part of sales.
09:17 - That's true.
09:18 - That is part of sales, but like,
09:20 you're going, like their clientele is like
09:25 going to their establishment for a very specific reason.
09:29 So their job isn't very difficult.
09:32 - It's the warmest lead possible.
09:32 - Like, just be hot.
09:34 - But that's the key to sales is having hot leads.
09:37 You can be a salesperson with shitty leads
09:40 and you're not gonna close.
09:40 - Leads come directly to you.
09:42 Obviously, yeah, they walk around.
09:44 - When I did sales, we would have to buy leads.
09:46 The leads would come directly to us,
09:48 but it's still on you to close them.
09:49 - It's having--
09:50 - My sales, we went and found them.
09:52 - It's having assets that people are interested in.
09:54 I mean, it's that simple.
09:55 - No, I understand that.
09:56 - Everyone likes tits and ass.
09:57 That's that simple.
09:58 - That is true.
09:59 Tits and ass make the world go round.
10:00 - Yes.
10:00 - Wars have been fought over tits and ass.
10:02 And I'm not even joking there.
10:04 - Tell me more.
10:05 - The battle of Al-Amain with Cleopatra
10:09 in BC 1330.
10:11 - Is that true?
10:12 - I just can't believe it.
10:13 - I think World War I started over, girl.
10:15 - Where's someone like that?
10:17 - Gabbro Principe.
10:18 - That was Franz Ferdinand.
10:19 - Shot Franz Ferdinand, a Serbian nationalist.
10:22 - Modest mouse.
10:23 - What did you say?
10:24 - Modest mouse.
10:24 - Oh, before this?
10:25 - Franz Ferdinand, modest mouse.
10:27 - You said something about a war?
10:28 - Oh, Dave's hand in his dick.
10:31 - Oh.
10:32 - So, war fought over tits and ass.
10:33 (laughing)
10:34 - I don't understand.
10:36 - I don't know, I just liked it.
10:38 - It was okay.
10:38 It was decent.
10:39 - I mean, I'll tell you what, too,
10:41 we're off and running on this show.
10:42 So, this is kind of what we want.
10:44 - Have you hit any Chicagoland strip joints yet?
10:47 - No, I mean, so I came up here
10:49 before I got the job for a bachelor party
10:52 and the one strip club we went to,
10:55 the girls weren't even naked, bro.
10:56 I'm like, this ain't a fucking strip club.
10:58 - Do you remember the name of it?
10:59 - I don't.
11:00 It was like Eddie said, it was like
11:01 one of the last bars open in Chicago
11:04 and we walk in and the strippers have clothes on.
11:07 I'm like, what is this?
11:07 - They have boot tassels.
11:09 They can't show nip.
11:10 - Knowing that you're a Prism guy,
11:11 you definitely did the Prism-Rick's Cabaret combo.
11:14 'Cause they're both right next to each other.
11:16 - He probably did VIPs, right?
11:17 - That would be my guess.
11:18 No, I think it's called Rick's Cabaret.
11:20 - Is that what it is?
11:20 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:21 That's what I would guess you did.
11:22 - Yeah, that's probably what I did.
11:23 - Yeah, I would assume.
11:24 Now, I did the strip club with your buddy's dad.
11:28 Was he cool with it?
11:29 - Bro, he was the man.
11:31 'Cause we were 20 at the time
11:33 and we gave him the ID and the guy was like,
11:36 I don't know if this is real.
11:36 He's like, what do you mean it's not real?
11:37 It's my son, let him in.
11:39 And he just let us walk right in.
11:41 And then he showed us the ropes
11:43 and we had the greatest time ever.
11:44 And then his dad passed out in the back of the truck
11:47 and we drove him home and picked him up
11:49 and dropped him in the bed.
11:50 It was a night I'll never forget.
11:52 - Did he ever go in the back for anything?
11:54 Or was he with you guys and just kinda--
11:57 - My friend's dad?
11:57 - Yeah. - No comment.
11:58 - I Googled,
12:00 I Googled, is it tradition to get a rub and tug
12:03 with your son in Asia?
12:06 - That's why you asked Che?
12:07 - Yeah. - Oh shit, smokes.
12:10 - Get the potatoes out of your ears.
12:12 - The top search is,
12:13 the Quora, where you just ask questions.
12:16 It says, how can I deal with addiction
12:19 to Asian rub and tug massage?
12:20 It's tough.
12:23 - Ask the Sean.
12:25 - Dude, that was different though.
12:26 He was getting him into his house
12:28 and being fucking weird.
12:30 - Like that's weird.
12:33 Instagram DMing girls that live in another state
12:36 to come meet you in another state
12:37 to give you a rub down, that's fucking weird.
12:41 - Yeah, I think that's the thing about Watson.
12:42 He could say unequivocally, he's--
12:45 - He's a horny bastard. - He's a little weird.
12:47 - Yeah, I think there's a huge difference
12:48 from regular masseuses who get all their degrees
12:52 and certificates and all that shit.
12:53 To do that, because a lot of people just do that
12:56 and there's no tug at the end.
12:58 And then he was basically--
13:01 - Yes, he was propositioning it.
13:04 - Correct.
13:04 - I went one time to a Sopranos tour.
13:08 My dad came in town.
13:11 I lived in New York for like four months.
13:13 And they take you to a bunch of places.
13:16 They take you to the diner.
13:18 At the end, they take you to the Bada Bing.
13:21 So that was a thing, they stop in there.
13:24 And so that was the time I went to a strip club
13:25 with my dad.
13:26 - That doesn't completely--
13:28 - Yeah. - Is it still a strip club?
13:29 - Yeah, it's called Satin Dolls.
13:31 So we just sat there and it's like a 20 minute stop.
13:35 And it was like, oh, here's--
13:35 - That's fair.
13:36 - They were working and everything?
13:37 - At the Bada Bing with my dad.
13:38 - No way.
13:39 - Yeah, they were working.
13:40 - Actually, the kind of closest thing,
13:43 it's not close at all,
13:44 but the most awkward situation I've ever been in,
13:47 my dad doesn't fly.
13:48 We went to the Florida Keys in high school for one reason.
13:51 Rest of my family drove, or flew.
13:54 My dad made me drive with them
13:55 to keep them company, blah, blah, blah.
13:57 We got to Miami a day before everybody else got to the Keys
14:02 and we went down South Beach, just me and my dad
14:04 and my brother was with us too.
14:05 And thongs everywhere.
14:08 Like girls with bikinis
14:10 that were barely covering their tits and everything.
14:12 And that was awkward.
14:14 And my brother was like fucking 13, maybe at the time.
14:18 It was a little awkward.
14:19 - Like that's the norm though.
14:20 - No, I know.
14:21 - That's how I grew up.
14:22 - There was kids everywhere too, yeah.
14:23 - Yeah, it's like nothing.
14:24 - People weren't batting an eye.
14:26 I was like, ooh, this is a little awkward.
14:27 - Totally.
14:28 - It's just thong bathing suits everywhere.
14:30 - Yeah, like you--
14:31 - Like no one wears clothes in Miami.
14:33 - People don't even know about the Nikki Smokes stories
14:37 that never made the cut.
14:39 I saw one in the dress one day
14:40 that knocked me off my chair.
14:42 - Oh, my blog?
14:43 - Yeah.
14:44 (laughing)
14:45 Have you heard this one?
14:46 Nikki Smokes wrote a blog.
14:48 - It didn't--
14:49 - Can I say it?
14:50 - You can say it.
14:50 I mean, I'm an open book.
14:52 Like you know I don't give a fuck.
14:53 Yeah, it said if you can't get it up,
14:57 don't go to the private room.
14:59 That's what it was.
15:01 And I was so, I was taken aback with curiosity.
15:05 So I had to click on it.
15:07 And it was a story about Nikki Smokes time in the VIP
15:10 and he was having trouble, Dave.
15:14 - This was an unpublished blog?
15:15 - Yes.
15:16 - Yeah, they wouldn't publish it.
15:17 - I actually said to Nate, I was like,
15:18 you gotta get that thing on the page.
15:20 He's like, oh, I thought I did publish it.
15:21 And I was like, well.
15:22 - Should I text Nate and be like, yo, get that thing up?
15:24 - Hopefully after this, he does.
15:26 - Should I just tell the story
15:28 or should I just like preview the blog?
15:30 - Yeah, let it, yeah.
15:31 - I mean, that blog will make waves
15:36 because people typically don't, I guess,
15:39 talk like that on Barstool.
15:42 Like they'll talk like that,
15:44 but they won't give like personal accounts
15:46 of situations like that, I guess.
15:51 - Well, Dave bought the company back,
15:53 so I was like, can I just let this rip?
15:56 And I just thought of like the craziest story
15:57 that happened to me.
15:58 - You just wanted to turn into your erotica fan.
16:00 - Yeah, I just wanted to turn into like a fucking nutcase.
16:03 - Was it, did it deliver?
16:05 - Truthfully, I didn't read the whole thing.
16:06 I just kind of skimmed it.
16:07 But like, the moral of the story is the title
16:10 pretty much tells you everything that you need to know.
16:13 - Yeah, so basically, I'll give you the spark notes.
16:16 Went to this strip club, we're drinking all day long,
16:19 like we were ball crawling all day.
16:21 And then the saleswoman that she is,
16:24 it started with the lap dance,
16:25 and then she takes me back to the private room.
16:28 And then I'm sitting there,
16:31 and she is trying to get the condom on my dick,
16:35 but it's not getting up.
16:37 And it's been like 30 minutes.
16:39 And she's like, your time's up.
16:42 I'm like, what do you mean my time's up?
16:43 Like I haven't even gotten up yet.
16:45 She's like, it's been 30 minutes, it's over.
16:47 So I was like, can I get my money back, please?
16:49 And she's like, no, I'm sorry,
16:52 there's nothing I can do about it.
16:53 So I basically paid her, I think it was like 300 bucks
16:56 to play with my gummy worm for 30 minutes.
17:00 - That's a damn shame.
17:01 - Well, here's the thing too.
17:02 - I don't think I've ever been back
17:03 to a strip club since that.
17:04 - Here's the thing too though, Dave.
17:05 Miami's like hottest club doubles down as a strip club.
17:09 - Yeah, that's true.
17:11 - 11 or whatever?
17:11 - Yes, which was crazy the first time.
17:14 I mean, I think I've only been once.
17:16 But I couldn't believe that.
17:17 And there's no joke, 100 girls working.
17:21 - Minimum.
17:21 - Dude, minimum.
17:22 - That's the one strip joint I've been to like that.
17:25 I've been to a couple like, did you ever go to Diamonds?
17:28 I don't know if you made Diamonds.
17:29 - No, I think they closed before I was old enough.
17:31 - 'Cause it was right after I was in high school.
17:33 But that's where we went, it was,
17:36 they got girls from like all over the suburbs
17:37 and a lot of them were smoke shows,
17:38 but it was also you saw a lot of like gutter rats.
17:42 - Nah, nah.
17:43 - But the one I went to in Vegas.
17:46 - I like that one, Steven.
17:47 - It was the main big one, what's the name of it?
17:50 - In Vegas?
17:50 - Spearman Rhino Sapphire.
17:52 - Oh, look at Steven.
17:53 - Spearman Rhino, that's the one.
17:55 It was a thousand naked girls.
17:57 A thousand naked girls.
17:58 I was like 24 or 25.
17:59 - It's like, it's a car.
18:01 - A thousand naked girls.
18:02 - That's the one you post a video of me
18:03 making it rain on that girl.
18:06 - I would love to go to the strip club with you, Eddie.
18:08 - I'm not that excited.
18:10 - He used to DJ at a strip club.
18:11 - Yeah.
18:12 - Shut the fuck up.
18:13 - I swear to God.
18:15 - You didn't know this either?
18:16 - No.
18:17 - What?
18:18 - Yeah, for a week.
18:18 - What was the DJ name?
18:20 - No, I didn't have one.
18:21 It wasn't like--
18:22 - You were just like, "Yo, I'm Eddie.
18:23 "I'm about to just throw it down."
18:24 - Yeah, Illinois.
18:25 - It wasn't like, you know.
18:26 - That's legendary.
18:27 - It wasn't like DJ Nutgoblin or something.
18:28 - Did you have any bachelor parties there?
18:31 - No, my friends came in one time, which was fun,
18:33 'cause I was fucking with them all the time.
18:36 But it was legitimately five days.
18:38 And it was like a very interesting five days in my life.
18:40 - He gave one of the hookers a ride home.
18:43 - Strippers, dude.
18:43 - Or strippers.
18:44 - They weren't hookers.
18:45 - My mistake.
18:46 - They were hookers.
18:47 - They were hookers.
18:48 - They were hookers.
18:48 - I was like, "I'm gonna get a ride home."
18:49 - 'Cause the fun thing, whenever I go on a bachelor party,
18:50 typically we'll do this, you pay the DJ a couple hundred
18:52 bucks, and then they'll get your buddy on stage,
18:55 the one that's about to get married.
18:56 - Oh yeah.
18:57 - You give him a bunch of humiliating facts about the guy,
18:59 and they'll read 'em off as this guy's getting whatever,
19:02 whipped, or strippers coming down from a pole,
19:06 like 20 feet down on him.
19:07 It's very, very fun.
19:08 - They're degrading him.
19:09 - It is, yeah.
19:10 - I've seen that before.
19:11 - But I've said this too.
19:12 Like the worst part of the bachelor,
19:14 not even the worst part of the bachelor party,
19:15 but it just, that's not what you look forward to most
19:18 in a bachelor party, that's just kind of like a prerequisite.
19:20 Is it for you?
19:21 - That, like the, like humiliating the group.
19:25 - Oh sure, that's nice to see.
19:26 - That's one of my highlights every time.
19:27 - I'm just saying like the two hour strip club experience
19:30 in general is not like, it's more about just hanging
19:32 with the guys.
19:33 - Yeah, yeah.
19:34 - 100%.
19:35 - For sure, like that's what it's more about.
19:36 So, I don't know.
19:38 We've said that before.
19:41 I had something to say to you, Stephen, but I blanked out.
19:43 I've got a fun transition.
19:44 We talked about it on the Yak, but it's a very
19:47 diversive, or polarizing topic.
19:51 Split the room.
19:52 I put our poll on Twitter, it's 52.5%, 47.5%.
19:56 - Wow.
19:58 - If you go to a buddy's house for a weekend or less,
20:02 is it okay to whack off there?
20:05 - No.
20:07 - Dude, what?
20:11 - How old are you?
20:11 (laughing)
20:13 - I figure like mid-20s.
20:14 - I don't know.
20:16 - No, that's against the rules.
20:17 - I agree, no.
20:18 There are a lot of people that say yes.
20:20 - That blows my mind.
20:23 - Yeah, I don't think so.
20:24 - So, if you're there for what, one weekend?
20:27 - Yeah, Friday to Sunday afternoon.
20:29 - No, dude, just two days, not that long.
20:32 - But there's a--
20:33 - What?
20:34 - There's a fine line between whacking off
20:35 and like bringing a girl back.
20:37 - Yes, agreed.
20:38 - Oh, totally, totally.
20:39 - If there's a situation where you meet a girl at a party
20:41 or something like that, for sure, have the run of the--
20:43 - No, whacking off is like desecrating
20:47 your, like someone else's property.
20:49 That's like against the rules.
20:52 - We're assuming there's no mess left.
20:54 - No, I understand that, but it's the act.
20:56 It's like a disrespect move.
20:58 - I mean, how good of friends are you with this guy?
21:00 'Cause if it's with someone--
21:01 - It's a buddy you're going to visit for a weekend.
21:04 - I'm going to visit them?
21:05 - Yeah, this is their house.
21:07 - I might rub one out.
21:08 - Of course you would.
21:10 - Yeah. - Fucking pervert.
21:12 But like, no, you can't do that.
21:12 That's against the rules.
21:13 - So like Big Cat, KB, and Mook were like,
21:15 yeah, totally fine.
21:16 And some of them were even saying like,
21:18 do it in the shower.
21:18 It's like, no way.
21:20 That's probably the last place to do it.
21:21 'Cause if I'm going to a buddy's house
21:23 and I'm using the shower, right?
21:25 The situations where this is gonna happen is like,
21:27 all right, we're about to go out for the night
21:29 and it's like everyone's back to back
21:31 in like a big shower line.
21:32 Or it's like we just got finished playing basketball
21:33 or golf or something like that.
21:34 It's like, all right, let's get back, let's shower.
21:37 Whatever, everyone's showering essentially sequentially.
21:40 So whacking off in that situation
21:41 is a completely foul move.
21:43 - Yeah, and it's also marking your territory.
21:45 - Right, that's what I'm saying.
21:46 If there's like some hair or something,
21:48 kind of get them up.
21:49 - I mean, if it's just you and your one friend,
21:51 I think the shower whack off would be the ideal spot.
21:54 - I do agree with that.
21:57 Like, I don't want the guy on my toilet
22:00 just like furiously--
22:01 - Toilet?
22:02 - I don't know.
22:03 - Who's tugging on a toilet?
22:05 - I mean, where else would he do it except the bathroom?
22:07 I hope he wouldn't do it in a room.
22:08 - Yes, that's what I'm saying.
22:10 You can't whack off in one of my beds.
22:11 Like, that's disrespectful.
22:12 - Yeah, that's crazy.
22:13 - Like, the shower, I could get over.
22:15 - You can get over it,
22:17 but if I found out my buddy whacked off in my shower,
22:19 I'd be like, what the fuck's wrong with you?
22:21 - Yeah, exactly.
22:22 - That'd be my exact, I wouldn't be mad.
22:24 I wouldn't be like, dude, I'd be like,
22:25 what the fuck's wrong with you?
22:27 Like, what the fuck is wrong with you?
22:28 - You and Cruiser work the gavel
22:29 in each other's beds ever, or no?
22:31 - No.
22:31 - Oh.
22:32 (laughing)
22:34 Mr. Skin gave me that one.
22:36 - So when we put this on on Twitter, we got like--
22:38 - I like that.
22:39 I like that one.
22:40 - It was a reply, and I had it up for an hour.
22:41 We got 1,400 votes.
22:45 52.4%, not okay.
22:48 But like, pretty much a split vote.
22:49 - It's 50/50.
22:50 Yeah, it's 50/50.
22:51 That's shocking.
22:52 - People are horny.
22:53 - Big Cat's argument was, do you want,
22:56 if you're really my friend,
22:58 do you want me to walk around all weekend
22:59 with a loaded gun?
23:00 I'm like, just do it.
23:01 Before you go visit him,
23:02 like, whack off the night before,
23:03 or the morning, like, whatever.
23:04 Don't do it in the fucking person's house.
23:05 - Two days is--
23:06 - Right, yeah, exactly.
23:07 - That is nothing.
23:08 - I think if you're in a situation where--
23:10 - Walking around with a loaded gun.
23:11 - Where if you're staying for a long time,
23:13 or if it's like, you and your girl are going down there,
23:17 and you know, stuff happens, that's fine.
23:18 If you're in a situation where the homeowner,
23:21 you know, 100% is gonna wash the sheets,
23:24 I think it's okay.
23:25 If it's like a guy, if you're a guy,
23:28 and you're going to visit a buddy in your mid-20s,
23:30 the guy's probably not washing the sheets.
23:31 - They're not washing sheets.
23:32 - So, absolutely not.
23:33 - Yeah, but then also, if it's gonna,
23:37 I guess here's another argument for it.
23:40 I'm not for it, to be clear.
23:42 Here's another argument for it,
23:43 is you don't want to be walking with a horny guy all day.
23:45 - Why not?
23:46 - Horny guys can be liabilities.
23:48 - Yeah.
23:49 - They can be liabilities, especially a drunk horny guy.
23:51 - Dude, a super horny guy is not great smokes.
23:54 - Super horny, yeah.
23:56 It usually doesn't work out well.
23:58 And they're not the good vibe,
23:59 like they're not in the moment with the boys,
24:00 they're just chasing puss the whole night.
24:02 - Yeah.
24:03 - Which kind of kills the vibe.
24:04 - Can we talk about who you were chasing last week?
24:07 - Like her name?
24:08 - Yeah.
24:09 No, like the other one.
24:10 - Which one, 'cause there was two of them.
24:11 - The famous one.
24:12 - Oh yeah, we could talk about that all day.
24:14 - Nikki Smokes, he was like,
24:16 "I think I'm gonna bang on Rachelle Ryan tonight."
24:19 - I mean, she wanted to.
24:21 I mean, she's tweeting at me, calling me hot,
24:23 that she likes being on top of me.
24:25 But then--
24:26 - He's the guy that goes back rooms with strippers.
24:28 - But then, I got there and I was like,
24:30 "Damn, bro, I don't know if I could do this.
24:32 "I can't handle this, it's too much for me."
24:35 And then there was like--
24:36 - At least he's too much experience.
24:38 - That, and her tits are gigantic,
24:40 her ass is way too fat.
24:42 I don't know if I'm ready for that.
24:44 I need to get more reps in with--
24:46 - You need to hit the T a little bit.
24:48 - Yeah, exactly.
24:48 - You wanna walk into that being a man,
24:50 you don't wanna be a boy.
24:51 - Yeah, and I would've loved to have some
24:55 liquid Viagra or something so I could perform.
24:57 - I have both Dominican and Canadian Viagra I can give you.
25:01 - Yeah, I mean, I don't have erectile dysfunction,
25:04 but if you're gonna fuck a porn star,
25:05 you need to fuck a porn star.
25:06 You can't just go in there for 15 seconds.
25:09 And then you're just the guy that lasted 15 seconds
25:12 and you basically didn't even fuck her.
25:14 - They gotta be so used to garbage
25:16 from regular civilian men though.
25:19 She's probably used to, she probably knows.
25:20 - If you're going in to do that with very famous porn star,
25:25 you're gonna be bad comparatively, no matter what.
25:27 You can get as many reps in as you want,
25:29 you can take a decade.
25:30 - I don't care about my performance,
25:33 it's more so my endurance, my endurance is what I want.
25:37 I just wanna go longer than five minutes.
25:40 Like I know-- - You wanna savor the moment.
25:42 - Yeah, I don't wanna fuck her for 10 seconds
25:45 and then she's just asking to ride in my face
25:46 for 35 minutes, I'm not about that.
25:49 - This is where you need Stu Finer's method.
25:52 - What is it, Stu Finer's method?
25:53 - 15, 15, 30.
25:54 (laughing)
25:56 15 minutes eating pussy, 15 minutes eating ass,
25:59 30 minutes fucking if you can't hold your load
26:01 to grab a Vibrate.
26:02 - Oh, there you go.
26:03 - Bro, he is a fucking legend.
26:06 - He is kind of a legend, he is a legend.
26:08 - Thousand percent.
26:09 - He's my favorite, I could listen to him all day.
26:11 - He's the best.
26:12 - Did you hear what he said today
26:13 with Dua Lipa and Taylor Swift?
26:15 - No, but I'm worried about what he said.
26:17 - He said Taylor Swift couldn't hold Dua Lipa's song
26:20 if she wanted to.
26:22 - Well.
26:23 - I agree with that.
26:24 - But I think you're talking
26:25 to two very different type of women.
26:28 - I mean, they both sing.
26:29 - But he's talking like on a sex appeal level,
26:32 like Taylor Swift's for the young and preteen.
26:34 - Doesn't even sniff her on a sex level.
26:36 - Yeah, of course.
26:38 I think Taylor Swift would probably admit that.
26:40 - I'd hope so.
26:42 - Right?
26:42 - I mean, I'd rather bang Dua Lipa than Taylor Swift.
26:44 - And I don't, that's not a hot take.
26:46 - No.
26:47 - Any guy, most guys would.
26:48 - Unless if you're--
26:49 - Like money.
26:50 - Unless if you're doing it just to say
26:51 you did Taylor Swift.
26:52 - Yeah.
26:53 - Yeah, but I'd rather say I'm doing it
26:54 to do Dua Lipa than Taylor Swift.
26:56 - You think so?
26:57 - 100%.
26:58 - I think I disagree.
26:59 - Every single person on earth knows
27:03 who Taylor Swift is.
27:04 Not every, not, you can't say the same about--
27:07 - I don't know who Dua Lipa is.
27:08 - She's very, she's very hot.
27:10 I think she's smoking hot.
27:11 - Yeah, she is.
27:12 - Or undoubtedly.
27:13 - Yeah, she's smoking hot.
27:15 - She might be--
27:15 - You've seen her before, she's like--
27:16 - She might be number one in the league right now.
27:18 - I think like Dave said something about her,
27:20 but I couldn't pick her out of the lineup.
27:23 - Oh, you'll start picking her.
27:24 - She's the smoke.
27:25 - Yeah.
27:26 - Take my word for it.
27:27 - Yeah, she's top tier, for sure.
27:29 - Okay.
27:30 - For sure.
27:31 This is like, we're gonna get mean
27:33 for like the four kids sitting around the table
27:35 at the couch, you know?
27:36 Just like dudes talking shit.
27:37 (laughing)
27:39 We did not plan for this conversation to go this way.
27:42 - But like don't where the wind blows us.
27:43 - Like that's how it is though.
27:44 Like when I try to explain to past girls in my life,
27:49 like how guys just communicate and talk,
27:51 like it's just like this and they don't understand it.
27:54 Like they think it's like--
27:55 - Boys can't even be boys anymore.
27:56 - Yeah, that's what I'm like, let us just be men.
27:59 We like to talk about sports, girls,
28:02 and then sometimes making money.
28:04 But like hardly ever that one.
28:06 It's really just sports and girls.
28:07 - See, I don't know, bro.
28:09 You're still pretty young.
28:11 So I think it's a lot of--
28:11 - Smoke, wait until you turn 30 years old,
28:14 it changes completely.
28:15 I used to be just like you.
28:18 - And that's a good thing.
28:19 I'd love to wake up one day and be like you.
28:22 - You will, you will.
28:24 That's the first time everybody's said that
28:26 to me personally.
28:27 However, it will happen.
28:32 It happens to everybody.
28:33 You know what?
28:34 The pandemic really, you told me I'm a pussy.
28:36 The pandemic changed that out of me.
28:39 I used to be the absolute, like you, ultimate go out guy.
28:42 I'd go out every night of the week if I could.
28:44 - Really?
28:45 - Yeah, and then we weren't allowed to
28:48 and I just got used to not doing that
28:52 and now I go out once a week
28:53 and I'm perfectly content with that.
28:54 - See, that's where I'm the opposite though.
28:56 My bad, Chad.
28:56 - I think that just coincides with your age.
28:58 - Yeah, I turned 30, 31 during the pandemic.
29:01 I'm 34 now, so yeah.
29:03 - Like COVID made me want to go out more.
29:05 Like the fact they wouldn't let us,
29:07 but I was in Florida, so like they would kind of let us.
29:10 But like we were full center.
29:13 I mean, like I'd have people come over to my house.
29:14 Like I threw massive parties during COVID.
29:18 - We had to do that like speakeasies.
29:20 - What's that?
29:21 - So during, in the 1930s,
29:23 you couldn't drink alcohol.
29:25 It was federally banned,
29:26 so there were speakeasies where
29:28 they were like hidden bars underground and shit.
29:31 That's basically what we had to do.
29:33 - Like the Prohibition days.
29:34 - Yeah, exactly.
29:35 - That's exactly what it is.
29:35 - That's where they made Malort from.
29:37 That's where it came from.
29:38 - Malort? - Malort.
29:39 - I feel like Dave just explaining things to you
29:41 is a good segment.
29:42 - It's a great segment.
29:43 - What else would you like me to explain to you?
29:45 - 9/11.
29:47 - I actually just listened to a fantastic podcast on it,
29:52 even though I don't agree with a lot of it.
29:54 - Where were you born, 2000?
29:55 - '99.
29:56 - I don't remember.
29:57 - I'm not a weasel.
29:58 - I was 88, but it's called Blowback.
30:02 And it details the entire history of US
30:05 for Middle East, specifically Iraq.
30:06 - Well, give Smokes the biggest note
30:08 that he could take with him to his next party.
30:09 - George Bush should have been tried at in fucking Hague.
30:13 - So your soul Bush did 9/11.
30:16 - No, no, no, no, no, not, he didn't do 9/11.
30:18 His invasion of Iraq was horrific
30:21 and all the atrocities that went down there were horrific
30:24 and we don't even talk about it.
30:25 - Yeah, well, what about the moon landing?
30:28 I think that shit's fake.
30:29 - That's Chief's area.
30:32 I don't get into the conspiracies quite like he does.
30:35 - This is the ultimate bro fucking podcast.
30:38 So many people are gonna be listening,
30:40 what the fuck happened to this show?
30:42 Talking about rubbing tugs, strip clubs
30:43 and fucking moon landings and Bush doing 9/11.
30:46 - I mean, it is fake though.
30:48 - What, the moon landing?
30:49 - Yeah, like at least the first one was fake.
30:50 - The rod through the flag, are you kidding me?
30:52 - It's fake.
30:53 - We did an episode.
30:54 - It's fake.
30:55 - It's not.
30:56 - It's the biggest scam of all time.
30:57 It was a move to bankrupt the Soviets.
30:59 - Do you think the moon's even real?
31:01 - You just got his hamster wheel spinning.
31:05 - Ah, see.
31:06 - I think earth is a firmament.
31:09 - What is that?
31:11 - So it's like flat and then there's like a dome over it.
31:14 It's like a half sphere.
31:15 - You think we're a dome like the Simpsons movie?
31:17 - Yeah, I don't even think we could leave if we wanted to.
31:19 - Steve, will you educate this guy?
31:22 - Tell him about how if we dug a troll,
31:24 or a troll, a hole right through the ground right now,
31:26 we'd land in where you grew up.
31:29 (laughing)
31:30 In China.
31:31 Or Vietnam.
31:35 Or Japan.
31:36 Or whatever Asian you are.
31:37 - It'd be hard to get to New Jersey from here with a hole.
31:41 But yeah, the earth is where there's a center
31:45 and there's all the science shit you can get down
31:47 to the earth, through the earth's crust,
31:49 get to the magma, get to the lava, all that shit.
31:51 - Tell him about Pangea, Steven.
31:53 - We always be one continent.
31:54 - Yes, I know.
31:56 And then Antarctica melted or whatever happened
31:59 and we all split up.
32:00 My thing with NASA is, is Operation Paperclip
32:03 and how basically the Nazis started NASA.
32:07 Like Wernher von Braun was a Nazi
32:10 and he is celebrated like he's some type of hero.
32:12 He was a fucking Nazi and on his deathbed,
32:17 he puts a quote from the Bible talking about
32:19 the earth being a firmament.
32:21 And he is the guy that led all of NASA.
32:24 Why would he pick that verse for his tombstone
32:27 if we could leave the firmament?
32:29 He's a fucking Nazi and he's celebrated
32:32 like an American hero.
32:33 - What about all those people that have gone out in space
32:35 and taken pictures of the earth?
32:36 - All scum.
32:38 It's all AI.
32:40 CPI.
32:41 - AI.
32:41 - All computer.
32:42 - CPG.
32:43 - All CPG.
32:45 I'm sold on it.
32:45 - I need G for some of this.
32:49 - So, okay, okay, okay.
32:51 Hold on one second.
32:52 Now, there's a little town in Southwest Michigan
32:56 called St. Joseph's, Michigan.
32:58 Beautiful little getaway town.
32:59 If you ever actually get a girl, take her there.
33:01 It's a great spot right on the lake.
33:03 You can see the Chicago skyline
33:06 from the other side of the lake,
33:07 but you can only see like the upper third
33:09 of the skyscrapers due to earth's curvature.
33:13 Explain that to me.
33:15 - I mean, I'm not a scientist, but--
33:17 - But if it was--
33:18 - Okay, okay, okay, but how come pilots
33:20 that fly every single day,
33:21 they don't ever have to adjust anything for curvature?
33:24 They never adjust their flight plan for curvature.
33:26 And anytime you take a flight, they use a flat earth map.
33:30 So when you go from here to there--
33:31 - You're using a Mercator projection.
33:34 - Whatever that word means, I have no clue.
33:37 But literally, I'm telling you,
33:40 they use a flat earth map, like your flight path.
33:42 Anytime you book another flight,
33:44 look at your flight path on the globe,
33:46 you'll be like, this makes no sense.
33:48 This seems like we're going way further.
33:50 And then look at it on a flat map,
33:51 and you'll be like, oh,
33:52 and that will be your flight path every single time.
33:54 - So on a plane, on the flight tracker,
33:57 you want it to be a 3D image?
34:00 - Well, I'm telling you--
34:00 - Yeah, I think they're just scaling it differently.
34:03 - So you can see it.
34:03 - Yeah, all I'm saying is--
34:05 - Because if they did give the actual one,
34:08 like you'd be looking at land after a certain distance.
34:11 - So then how come pilots that are flying the plane
34:14 don't have to adjust for the curvature?
34:15 - Have you ever heard of gravity?
34:17 - Yes. - Gravity keeps them like,
34:19 where they wanna be in relation to the ground.
34:24 - That's what gravity is.
34:26 - Yeah.
34:27 - So if the earth is curved,
34:30 why do they not have to adjust for that?
34:32 - I mean, they are adjusting for that when they're flying.
34:35 - But they're not.
34:36 - They are.
34:37 - They're not.
34:38 - They are.
34:39 - I'm gonna interview a pilot.
34:40 - I would love it.
34:42 I can hook you up with pilots.
34:43 - Let's do it.
34:44 - I've had one on before.
34:45 - Let's do it.
34:46 - Yeah, it was flight week or something, right?
34:47 - Yeah, flight week.
34:48 - In like 2019.
34:49 - A flight attendant, a pilot, air traffic controller,
34:51 and what else did I have?
34:54 - You had one of those cartel guys
34:57 that take the Cessna planes
34:58 and smuggle coke into the country, one of those guys.
35:01 - I would love that guy.
35:02 - The cocaine bear.
35:03 - I've seen that movie.
35:05 - Okay, it's a stupid movie.
35:07 - No, it's not.
35:07 - I don't trust your opinion on literally anything.
35:10 - It was built to be stupid, though.
35:11 - Yeah.
35:12 It was meant for people to go do cocaine at the movie theater
35:15 and like, "Ha ha, we're doing blow with the bear."
35:17 - I don't know about that.
35:18 - Well, shit.
35:19 - But, well, shit, he says.
35:21 Chae, anything else?
35:24 I just took it out, what kind of Asian are you?
35:26 - Chinese.
35:27 - Chinese, okay.
35:28 - My dad's from Hong Kong.
35:29 - Gotcha.
35:30 - Like, born there?
35:31 - Yes.
35:32 - Nice.
35:33 - Are you 100% Asian descent?
35:35 - No, my mom's generic white.
35:37 - Remember when you almost fought Shane Gillis over this?
35:40 (laughing)
35:42 - You do some crazy things when you've had
35:45 like nine beers in an hour.
35:47 - Dude, that was an all-time clip.
35:49 - Wait, I don't know this one.
35:50 - You ever heard about this?
35:51 - I don't think I know this one.
35:53 - Shane Gillis said something derogatory about--
35:55 - So, I didn't know, I don't know any new artists,
35:59 new musicians, new comedians.
36:01 I don't follow anything pop culture anymore.
36:04 - I'm trending that way, yes.
36:06 - So, you'll get there.
36:07 So, Shane Gillis was coming in during Case Race.
36:10 Sass was a big fan of his and a buddy,
36:13 and Big Cat and Rone all knew him and whatever.
36:15 So he comes in, I greet him, nice guy.
36:17 He's got the Eagles face paint on, great.
36:19 He's participating in the Case Race.
36:20 Apparently he can drink a ton, he does.
36:23 I'm not aware of him or his past or whatever.
36:26 So we're a bunch of beers in, like an hour,
36:30 hour and a half in, and--
36:32 I think he went to the bathroom or something like that,
36:34 or I'm behind the glass and somebody told me,
36:36 they're like, "Did you know he has a bunch
36:38 "of anti-Asian shit?"
36:40 And I was like, "Oh, really?"
36:41 And I was like, "I was gonna fuck with him."
36:43 So I was like, "Oh, I heard a bunch of this stuff.
36:45 "I was like, just tell me what your favorite
36:47 "Chinese food order is and we'll be cool."
36:51 And he just refused to say it.
36:53 At this point, I'm so hammered.
36:55 It's this very dangerous game of chicken,
36:58 and I also was so drunk.
37:01 Brandon was coming in, and I think he was like
37:03 the ref or something like that,
37:04 and I was in Legion of Doom face paint,
37:06 and I just wanted to wrestle somebody.
37:07 And we've wrestled a bunch on the show,
37:09 like KB's wrestled, every time Wallo comes in,
37:12 like him and KB wrestle.
37:14 It's kind of been like a thing where
37:15 it's not a crazy thing to happen.
37:18 So I was like, "Say your Chinese food order,
37:21 "what do you like to get?"
37:22 And he could have said literally anything.
37:25 He could have said fried rice, crab rangoons,
37:28 General Tso's chicken, and I would have been like,
37:30 "Cool, you're good."
37:32 Like giving him the pass on behalf of Asian people.
37:35 - Yeah, you're speaking for all of Asia.
37:37 - But this becomes this dangerous game of chicken,
37:40 and he just refuses to say anything.
37:41 And people got mad at Big Cat, 'cause Big Cat gets it.
37:44 And Big Cat understands what I'm doing,
37:45 and he's just like, "Say your order."
37:47 'Cause he can see that I'm actually getting
37:49 a little bit pissed, 'cause he's not saying it.
37:51 And then Big Cat's trying to end it
37:53 and have him just say anything.
37:54 He could have said anything, but he could have said
37:56 white rice, and I'd be like, "That's cool."
37:59 But then it got to this very weird game of chicken
38:00 where I wanted to wrestle, and I'm like,
38:02 "All right, you better say something,
38:04 "or we're gonna go wrestle."
38:05 And then he's like, "Dude, I'll get you fucking fired."
38:08 And then I'm actually pissed.
38:09 I'm like, "All right, fucking, I have no idea who this guy is.
38:11 "I didn't know he was huge."
38:13 And so I go in there and I like, "Just say your order."
38:16 And he won't do it, and then I'm like,
38:18 "All right, let's fucking go."
38:19 And I was gonna wrestle him, that was the plan.
38:21 - And he was sitting down, Che was like over him,
38:24 like ready to fight him.
38:25 And you did say, too, you're doing this
38:28 for a whole nation back home.
38:30 (laughing)
38:31 - Then he dropped the country.
38:32 - Yeah, he was like, "I'm doing this
38:34 "for everyone in the homeland."
38:35 - So from his perspective, he's like,
38:37 "Who the fuck is this?"
38:39 His perspective, he's also hammered.
38:41 He's like, "Who the fuck is this guy?
38:42 "He's already been in hot water for this shit.
38:44 "I don't know if that was what got him off of SNL
38:46 "or whatever." - I just watch his special,
38:48 he gets kind of raced, not amongst other things, but yeah.
38:50 - I think he's great.
38:51 So we were cool 15 minutes after that.
38:55 And we talked after, and we've texted and stuff like that.
38:57 And he's a good guy, and he came back,
38:58 and we're teammates for a case, racing one.
39:00 So I'm a Shane Gillis fan.
39:02 Big Shane Gillis supporter now.
39:05 I'm aware of who he is, he's a cool guy.
39:06 - They could have made that a whole USA versus China thing.
39:09 That could have been a huge wrestling match.
39:11 - Dude, it was so funny.
39:14 Like, knowing Shane Gillis,
39:17 one of the most popular comedians
39:18 in the fucking United States right now.
39:19 - He's my favorite.
39:20 - Are fighting over a Chinese order.
39:22 And Shane says he's doing it
39:24 for the country. - A nation.
39:26 - You know, he's doing it for a nation.
39:26 - For the motherland. - It was tough.
39:28 So that day, we had actually,
39:30 and this was the only time we've ever done this
39:34 for a case race, is that we had it planned,
39:36 we were gonna come in the next day.
39:37 We taped it on Thursday, we were gonna come in,
39:41 or I forget what day, we taped it on Wednesday maybe.
39:43 We were gonna come in Thursday and do like a recap.
39:45 And then it was gonna air Thursday and Friday or whatever.
39:48 And so that happens, and then Sass and Brandon and Ron
39:52 were like, yo, when things look like they're about
39:55 to get serious, break it up and it's not that serious.
39:57 It was like a joke or whatever.
39:59 And I'm pissed because now I feel like I ruined the show
40:01 and whatever, so I'm kind of down on my luck
40:05 the last two hours of that show or whatever.
40:07 And so I go home and I'm like, all right,
40:10 maybe it's not that bad, that was just like a footnote
40:12 in the show or whatever.
40:13 And the next morning, I'm taking the train
40:14 and I'm super hungover, and then Quig sends the yak text,
40:17 like the trailer, and it's like me versus Shane.
40:21 I'm like, oh my God.
40:24 So that was the worst.
40:26 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
40:28 - So fucking funny though, dude, in hindsight.
40:31 Like that's something, you guys are good now, right?
40:33 You said? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
40:35 - That's incredible.
40:37 All time moment, all time moment.
40:39 - We should do like a March Madness bracket
40:42 and just have everyone in the office wrestle each other.
40:45 - I mean, KB won.
40:46 - KB won.
40:46 - KB wrestled in college.
40:48 - KB, he would cripple everybody in this office
40:51 in 30 seconds.
40:52 - Actually, I don't know, Wallow.
40:53 Wallow versus KB is a very, very good matchup.
40:57 - I'd rather do like a Wallow.
40:58 - KB could get technical if he wanted to.
40:59 - Royal Rumble would be wild.
41:01 - They've wrestled before and Wallow's been like,
41:05 Wallow's a lot bigger than KB.
41:06 And he's also wrestled a lot.
41:10 - If he wrestled then, yeah, maybe he could hold it, yeah.
41:13 It's such a technique thing.
41:14 I love that sport, by the way.
41:17 I know I just got fucking--
41:18 - You should wrestle KB.
41:20 - He would destroy me.
41:21 KB has said off camera and everything,
41:24 he's like, "You would've been a really good wrestler."
41:26 I do think I would've, actually.
41:27 - Just grapple with him a little bit.
41:28 He loves that.
41:30 - He does.
41:31 - He used to do that with our fucking finance team upstairs.
41:33 - I got on the stands a little bit with him before.
41:34 - Wrestlers are the biggest fucking weirdos on earth.
41:37 - So you're hereby--
41:38 - They love that shit, but they hate it.
41:39 - You're claiming KB the weirdest person on earth.
41:41 - In it, well, I mean, have you met KB?
41:43 - Yeah, I mean, I love KB, though.
41:44 - Yeah, everybody loves KB, but he's a weirdo.
41:47 - He would've been weird?
41:48 - That's fair.
41:49 - We gotta wrap this up, but can you say,
41:50 I feel like we can't go the whole episode
41:52 without you saying anything horny.
41:54 - You can't put me on the spot like that.
41:57 - Well, I mean, you had all show to hop into the mix,
42:01 but you're just like, "Oh, I don't like that."
42:02 - I'm a choco guy, I'm not a rubbing tongue guy.
42:04 - Yeah, I was gonna say that,
42:06 on the note of whacking off in friends' houses,
42:11 I feel like,
42:14 Steven, have you ever given a girl a facial?
42:17 - I have not.
42:19 - What do you mean by that?
42:20 - Do you know what a facial is?
42:21 - Like, facial, or facial facial?
42:24 - Take a guess, dude.
42:25 - I don't know which one's the facial facial,
42:26 but I know what you're talking about.
42:27 - You have a gift card through a fucking--
42:29 - Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
42:30 - Yeah, I'm not talking about going to a spa
42:31 and getting sodium and salts.
42:33 - No, I'm a big facial guy, I love facials.
42:36 I love giving facials, not receiving.
42:37 - At first, it's just like,
42:38 "Oh, come on, you little fucking slut."
42:40 And then the second after it happens,
42:42 you're like, "Oh, man, fuck, I'm sorry."
42:44 - I feel bad.
42:45 - Yeah, you're like, "Ah, Jesus."
42:47 Like, if I'm ripping one out
42:50 in my fucking friend's house,
42:51 that 10 seconds afterwards, I'd feel extreme guilt.
42:54 And then that's not a war I can win,
42:57 me versus that amount of guilt.
42:59 - I gotta end this show.
43:00 I don't know if this is gonna be
43:01 a fucking podcast feed by Monday.
43:03 Oh my God, that's not what I expected.
43:06 - Did that suffice for you?
43:08 - Dave, you delivered, thank you.
43:09 - Thank you, thank you, bud.
43:10 - Wait, wait, wait, no, I have one follow-up on that.
43:12 What is the kind of, I haven't done that,
43:14 I don't honestly have an urge to do that.
43:16 What is the conversation leading up to that?
43:18 Because that's something
43:18 that obviously has to be discussed beforehand.
43:20 - Typically, it's like a girl you picked up at a bar
43:22 as the lights come on at like 2 a.m.
43:24 and she's just sitting there like,
43:27 anticipating it. - Stop.
43:28 (laughing)
43:29 - Like, you don't really ask.
43:31 It's more so like you just gotta
43:33 shoot your shot and hit the target.
43:34 I'm not like, "Yo, can I give you a facial right now?"
43:38 It kinda just like happens.
43:40 - It's a girl who's hopping in the Uber
43:42 after a white sox game.
43:43 - That ain't no problem.
43:44 I do great at the Cubs games, by the way.
43:47 - I'm sure you do.
43:47 - Every time I go to Wrigleyville--
43:49 - It's a fuckin' douchebag fest there.
43:52 - I love it.
43:53 - I'm sure.
43:53 - I fuckin' love it there.
43:55 It's my favorite place to go, Wrigleyville.
43:57 - It's funny, he would absolutely hate white sox games,
44:02 wouldn't he?
44:03 - I don't know if he would.
44:04 - I think he would.
44:05 - I don't know if I'd ever go.
44:06 - It's not like Cubs games,
44:07 or Cubs pre and post game atmosphere is the norm.
44:12 It's not like there's probably a ton of bars
44:14 outside of Miami stadiums.
44:16 - No, I'm saying the people,
44:18 like Tom likes Sox fans, he says.
44:22 - Dude, I think Smokes fits in with Sox more than Cubs.
44:25 - No. - 100%.
44:26 - See, Eddie, you just hurt my feelings.
44:28 - Why?
44:29 - 'Cause I like--
44:29 - I don't think that based on looks, too.
44:30 - I'm like a Cubs guy.
44:31 - No, I'm not talking based on looks.
44:33 - Dude, the guy gets in fights at stadiums.
44:35 - No, I don't.
44:36 I've never been in a fist fight at a stadium.
44:38 - But you get what I'm saying.
44:39 - Yeah, I get rowdy.
44:41 Not at baseball games, though.
44:43 Like that sick fuck side only comes out at the Dolphins.
44:46 - For you to insinuate Nikki Smokes
44:48 to be more Cubs fan than Sox fan is crazy.
44:50 - I don't think so. - I agree.
44:51 - It's crazy.
44:52 - Why is that crazy?
44:54 - Everything about this persona is a Sox fan.
44:55 - I need to know the difference.
44:56 - Do you think he would fit in with the 108 guys,
44:58 like just fucking pounding heavy?
45:00 - That's one section of fans.
45:02 - But they also, come on.
45:06 That's how a lot of Sox fans are,
45:07 just big, ugly, fucking, like me.
45:10 - Scruffy.
45:11 - He said he wants to beat you in a couple years.
45:13 - That's a side I don't think he would like.
45:19 - Something I'm not ready for.
45:19 - I really don't think he would like it.
45:21 I don't think he would like it.
45:22 - All right, guys.
45:23 - It's not a bad thing.
45:24 - This has been something.
45:25 I'll just leave it at that.
45:27 How do you guys really feel about this show, Steve?
45:31 - It's fun, different.
45:32 I like talking with the boys.
45:34 - All right, thanks everybody for listening.
45:36 Thanks for watching.
45:37 Draft on Monday.
45:38 See you then.
45:39 (laughing)
45:41 [BLANK_AUDIO]