To people from the outside looking in, your parents may seem like the perfect parents. They seem affectionate, kind, considerate, and caring, but behind closed doors, the pretense drops. Sound familiar? Here are a few signs that you might have been raised by narcissist parents.
Source: Psych2Go
Source: Psych2Go
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00:00 This video is for those who may have been raised
00:02 by narcissistic parents,
00:04 to open up and share your experiences.
00:07 Let's all come together.
00:09 From the outside looking in,
00:10 your parents might look perfectly normal.
00:12 To the casual onlooker, they appear to be kind and caring.
00:16 But behind closed doors,
00:18 you know your parents as cold, distant,
00:21 and how draining their incessant demand for perfection is.
00:24 If this sounds like your childhood,
00:26 you may have been raised by a narcissist.
00:28 Narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD for short,
00:32 is a disorder in which one has an inflated sense
00:35 of self-importance.
00:36 Symptoms of NPD include an excessive need for admiration,
00:40 disregard for others' feelings,
00:42 an inability to handle any criticism,
00:44 and a sense of entitlement.
00:46 With that said, here are 10 signs
00:48 that you were raised by a narcissistic parent.
00:51 Number one, you've always struggled with low self-esteem.
00:55 Do you feel completely worthless sometimes?
00:58 Narcissistic parents can have their children believing
01:01 that your authentic self is somehow flawed,
01:03 and they can use shame to try to control you,
01:06 manipulating you into meeting their needs.
01:09 You may have been raised by a narcissist
01:10 if your parents belittled you
01:12 when you didn't conform to their ideals.
01:14 If you are feeling inadequate
01:15 or are struggling to believe in yourself
01:17 and find self-confidence,
01:18 then this could be because of how your parents treated you.
01:22 Number two, they had an intense reaction
01:24 to any form of criticism.
01:26 Did you ever happen to criticize your mom or your dad
01:28 and were met with an intense emotional reaction by them?
01:31 Would they shout and raise their voices at you?
01:34 A sharp overreaction to any kind of criticism
01:37 is a sign of narcissism.
01:39 For example, if you were in an argument,
01:42 your narcissistic mother or father
01:43 would hysterically scream at you,
01:45 "How dare you talk to your mother that way?
01:47 "Go to your room.
01:48 "We'll talk again after you stop screaming at me,"
01:51 while shouting at you.
01:53 They might've physically hurt you with a sharp smack
01:55 or some other form of physical punishment.
01:58 Number three, your parents had a favorite child.
02:01 Did you ever feel like you were the outsider
02:03 in your family?
02:04 Were you the possible black sheep of the family?
02:07 If you had one singled out sibling
02:09 that was seen as the perfect child
02:11 who could do no wrong by your parents,
02:13 chances are your parents were narcissistic.
02:15 If you were deemed the black sheep,
02:17 you were the one accused of causing most of the issues
02:20 and problems within your family,
02:21 even if you weren't ever truly at fault.
02:24 It is possible that these roles
02:25 could have also switched frequently
02:26 between you and your siblings.
02:28 Number four, you're a complete doormat.
02:32 Do you feel like you let people
02:33 constantly walk all over you?
02:35 A narcissistic parent will trample all over their family
02:38 to address their own desires
02:39 without giving much thought to what anyone else needs.
02:42 Because of this, you might be someone who overcorrects
02:44 and bends over backwards
02:45 to make sure no one could ever possibly perceive you
02:48 this way.
02:49 You may have grown up being told
02:50 that your needs don't matter.
02:52 You let people walk all over you
02:53 because you're not in touch with what you need
02:55 and you don't know how to express it.
02:57 Because either way, you were pushed to the side
03:00 by your narcissistic parent.
03:02 Number five, you're dealing with chronic shame.
03:05 Narcissistic parents will often project shame
03:07 onto their children and use shame
03:08 as an emotionally abusive parenting strategy.
03:11 You might not be able to recognize
03:12 this feeling of chronic shame until you're in adulthood.
03:16 The shame you experienced was ingrained into you
03:18 through your emotionally abusive parents.
03:21 You may continue to shame yourself unconsciously
03:23 when you fail to live up to the impossible standards
03:25 previously set by your parents.
03:27 Number six, you struggle to set proper boundaries
03:30 with people or think that boundaries are flexible.
03:33 When you were raised by a narcissist,
03:35 you might struggle to establish good boundaries
03:37 with other people and in your personal life.
03:39 Do you think this has been a problem for you?
03:41 Enmeshment is a psychological term
03:44 that describes a blurring of boundaries
03:46 between you and your family members.
03:47 Enmeshment can contribute to the dysfunction in your family
03:50 and may lead to a lack of autonomy and independence
03:53 that is problematic.
03:55 As a child, you weren't allowed
03:56 to develop your own boundaries
03:58 or have a healthy sense of yourself
03:59 as a separate individual.
04:01 You may not have had any private space
04:03 to call your own while growing up.
04:05 Your narcissistic mother or father
04:06 would go through your room and private belongings
04:08 without telling you and find something to use against you
04:12 to try to get you in trouble.
04:14 Number seven, you engage in self-destructive behavior.
04:18 Do you drink excessively or have a habit of overeating?
04:22 Do you have certain addictions
04:23 that you just can't seem to shake?
04:26 When you were raised by a narcissist,
04:28 you may have reached for things to help you cope
04:29 with the emotional trauma that your parents put you through.
04:32 This can involve drinking, smoking, gambling, overeating,
04:36 or having a drug or sex addiction.
04:38 These habits are all problematic and self-destructive
04:41 when performed in excess.
04:43 As an adult, you may have sabotaged your career
04:45 or romantic and familial relationships.
04:48 You may be struggling with a deep-rooted belief or feeling
04:51 that you don't deserve success or happiness.
04:53 Number eight, your parents tried to control you
04:57 through an unhealthy level of codependency.
05:00 Did your parents ever say something like,
05:02 "Don't leave me," or "What would I do without you?"
05:05 Narcissistic parents may have made it almost impossible
05:08 for you to live a life of autonomy.
05:10 They routinely threw up barriers
05:12 when you tried to establish independent priorities
05:14 or relationships that didn't involve them.
05:17 If you attempted to do anything that wasn't helping
05:19 to cater to the needs of your parents,
05:21 they would throw out toxic codependent phrases like,
05:24 "I need you," or "I can't live without you."
05:27 If this sounds familiar to you and your familial situation,
05:30 you might've been raised by a narcissist.
05:33 Number nine, you were gaslit by your parents.
05:36 Have your parents ever made you question your own sanity?
05:39 Did they tell you that you said or did things
05:41 that you can't remember doing or saying?
05:44 In order to exercise more control over you,
05:46 they may have employed a psychological manipulation tactic
05:49 known as gaslighting.
05:50 They would deliberately make you feel crazy
05:53 or cause you to doubt your sanity
05:54 in order to gain the upper hand over you.
05:57 You may now be struggling with a constant sense
05:59 of self-doubt in your present life
06:01 because of this type of manipulation
06:02 from a narcissistic parent.
06:04 And number 10, you're experiencing depression and anxiety.
06:08 Are you having different issues with anxiety and depression
06:12 or difficulties in your personal and romantic relationships?
06:15 This may be a result of narcissistic parenting styles.
06:19 Due to a lack of agency and feelings of helplessness,
06:22 you might get depressed,
06:24 feeling like there's nothing you can do to improve your life.
06:27 When things go wrong in life, you may be left paralyzed,
06:30 thinking that you're unable to make an impact.
06:33 Narcissistic parents don't model good ways
06:36 of managing negative emotions like anxiety.
06:39 They spend little time helping their children
06:41 learn to self-soothe.
06:43 You may also be expressing anxiety
06:44 due to your reach for perfectionism
06:47 with overwhelming fear centered around criticism.
06:50 Performance anxiety can dominate your social interactions,
06:52 putting a stint in your relationships with people.
06:55 As a child raised by narcissists,
06:58 which of these signs do you most relate to?
07:00 Would you consider sharing your experiences below
07:03 so other people could relate to you and also open up?
07:06 This will create a chain effect
07:07 where we can all start our healing process together
07:10 by helping one another and being vulnerable.