TV-G | 30min | Comedy, Family, Music | Episode aired 20 January 1965
Patty decides to have a raffle to benefit the church bazaar. The prize? A date with Richard. But can Patty stand it if one of her rivals wins the prize?
Director: Claudio Guzmán
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Patty decides to have a raffle to benefit the church bazaar. The prize? A date with Richard. But can Patty stand it if one of her rivals wins the prize?
Director: Claudio Guzmán
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00I'm sorry, Pat. He's not here, Richard. I can't imagine what's keeping her. She should have been home hours ago.
00:13I just have time for one more sandwich.
00:15Oh, yes. Would you like some more milk?
00:18Thank you. She knows I was going to meet her here, Kat.
00:22Yes, I'm sure she'll be here.
00:26Richard, could I ask you a personal question?
00:29Sure, go ahead.
00:30Are you going to marry Patty?
00:32Ross.
00:33Why can't I ask him? He'd be my brother-in-law.
00:36Well, she's crazy about me, but I don't know if I'm going to marry her or not.
00:40Has she asked you yet?
00:42Ross, it doesn't work that way.
00:44You don't know Patty.
00:46Kong ho, group!
00:51Kong ho yourself. You know, you're an hour late.
00:54It was for a good cause.
00:56Where were you, Patty?
00:57At church.
00:58At church?
00:59On a Wednesday afternoon?
01:01Mm-hmm. The church is having a big bazaar and I'm on the committee.
01:04They asked all of us to come up with ideas to raise money.
01:07It's a lucky thing they had me. I came up with a blockbuster.
01:10You got to run a crooked poker game.
01:14No, I suggested a raffle. It should be a cinch to raise at least $100.
01:19That's a wonderful idea, Patty.
01:21Yeah, that sounds great. What are you going to raffle off?
01:25You.
01:58Where Kathy adores a minuet,
02:01the ballet Russe and Crepe Suzette.
02:04Oh, Patty loves to rock and roll,
02:06a hot dog makes her lose control.
02:08What a wild duet.
02:10Still they're cousins,
02:13identical cousins, and you'll find
02:17they laugh alike, they walk alike,
02:19at times they even talk alike.
02:21You can lose your mind
02:23when cousins are two of a kind.
02:34Patty, you're not serious about raffling me off.
02:38Oh, yes, I am. It's all set.
02:40Well, it's unconstitutional.
02:44Richard, I have it all figured out, Richard.
02:46Why would anyone buy a ticket to win him?
02:49Because the prize is not only Richard,
02:51but dinner at the Starlight Room
02:53and orchestra seats to the Broadway smash hit
02:55A Girl from Paris.
02:57Hey, that's great thinking.
02:59Then you'll let us raffle you off?
03:01Sure. Oh, I mean, it's the least I can do for the church.
03:05Is the answer.
03:07Well, we better get down to business.
03:09Now, the bazaar is only two weeks away
03:11and we have a lot of work to do.
03:13I figure we can charge 50 cents a ticket.
03:17If we sell 10,000 tickets,
03:20that's $5,000.
03:22Richard, I love you.
03:24But don't go into orbit.
03:26If I can get rid of 100 tickets, it'll be a minor miracle.
03:29Are you sure they know it's me?
03:31That'll hold back the sale.
03:34Okay, okay.
03:36Guns off.
03:38Patty, why don't we print our own tickets and save that expense?
03:42George has a small printing press that I'm sure he'll let us use.
03:45That's a great idea, Cat.
03:47And we can print them on the back of last week's math test.
03:51I can't believe it.
03:54I'm the prize.
04:03You want the finished one? There you are. Thank you.
04:06Two Kathy's, okay?
04:08Four staples.
04:10Hi. Hi.
04:12Hi, Mrs. Lang.
04:13Gee, it looks like a bookie joint.
04:15How do you know what a bookie joint looks like?
04:17I watch TV.
04:19How are the tickets coming along?
04:20Great. Here, let me show you one.
04:22What do you think of it?
04:24Win Richard Harrison.
04:26That's a catchy heading.
04:28A fab dinner at the fab starlight room
04:31followed by orchestra seats to the fab hit The Girl from Paris.
04:34Well?
04:35Fab.
04:36Thanks, Bob.
04:37How many of these are you printing?
04:39100. I'm buying 10 of them myself.
04:41That's very charitable of you.
04:43Not only that, it gives me 10% chance of winning.
04:46You see, I don't want Richard taking anybody else out.
04:49And this way, if I win, it'll work out great.
04:51The church will get its $15,
04:53and Richard and I will get a dinner at the starlight room
04:55and orchestra seats to The Girl from Paris.
04:57Good luck.
04:58Thanks, Papa.
05:00See ya.
05:01See ya.
05:02Bye.
05:10I just sold 10 more tickets.
05:12I sold another five.
05:14Great. That means we only have 60 tickets left to sell.
05:17Hello, Patty.
05:18Kathy.
05:19Hi, Gloria.
05:20I understand you're selling raffle tickets for Richard.
05:24Yeah. I'd like to buy some.
05:26Oh, gee, that's a shame.
05:28We're all sold out.
05:30Oh, but we have a class to make.
05:32You're absolutely right, Kathy.
05:34She's always worried about being late for class.
05:36Well, better luck next time.
05:37Bye.
05:39Patty, how could you do that?
05:41We still have 60 tickets to sell.
05:43Not to her we don't.
05:45I don't trust her with Richard.
05:47This is for charity, remember?
05:49Yeah, and charity begins at home.
05:52I'll buy the tickets myself.
05:54How many have you bought already?
05:56This'll make 11.
05:58I have an 11% chance of winning a date with my own boyfriend.
06:01That's awful.
06:09Hi.
06:10How many tickets would you like to buy to a charity raffle?
06:12Only 50 cents to win an evening with Richard Harrison at the Starlight Room
06:15and to see the new Broadway smash hit A Girl from Paris.
06:18I heard about this. I'll take two.
06:21Thank you, Mary.
06:23Here you go.
06:26Good luck.
06:27I'll take one.
06:28Oh, fine, I don't mind.
06:31I'll buy one.
06:33Just a second.
06:35Uh, sorry, all sold out.
06:38Bye.
06:40Hi, Patty, where you been?
06:41Selling pieces of you. I sold five more tickets.
06:44Boy, I'm selling like hotcakes.
06:48Sammy.
06:50What'll you have, Patty?
06:51The usual.
06:53One double coconut thrill, extra chocolate syrup, heavy on the sprinkles.
06:57Right.
07:01Sammy.
07:03Would you do me a favor?
07:05What can I do for you?
07:06Sell these for me.
07:07What are they?
07:09Tickets to a charity raffle.
07:10Yeah, on the prize.
07:12Does everyone know that?
07:15Look, all you have to do is put them on the counter and collect the money.
07:18They practically sell themselves.
07:20What do you say?
07:21Have I got a choice?
07:22Thanks a million, Sammy.
07:24You've just made a great contribution to the American way of life.
07:33How's your ticket sale coming along?
07:35It's a smash. We only have six more tickets to sell.
07:37Oh, that's too bad.
07:40Too bad?
07:41Yes, I mentioned your charity raffle at my bridge club this afternoon.
07:44I can sell about 25 tickets for you.
07:48The woman at your bridge club wanted my tickets?
07:50That's right.
07:51That's a great idea, Mama. Sell as many as you can.
07:53All right.
07:54Oh, Patty, you don't have 25 tickets to sell.
07:57I'll print up some more tonight.
07:59Could you print up some extra ones?
08:01What for?
08:02I have a scout meeting tonight.
08:04I think they'll buy some.
08:05Some of those kids will bet on anything.
08:07How many do you think you can sell?
08:09I'll try 25.
08:10Great.
08:11It's a toss-up whether Richard's going on a date with me,
08:13Mama's bridge club, or the Boy Scouts.
08:21Will 50 be enough?
08:23Well, maybe you better print an extra 10.
08:25Just for luck.
08:26Okay.
08:27Who do you say is buying those extra tickets, Patty?
08:30Oh, uh, just a group of girls around town.
08:33Yeah? That's great.
08:35You know, this is one of your better ideas.
08:39I'm glad you like it.
08:41You know, it's kind of exciting not knowing who's going to win me.
08:44Well, here they are.
08:47I have a pretty good idea.
08:54Going to play?
08:55Yep, so am I.
08:57But, uh, not tennis.
09:00What are those?
09:01Oh, 20 tickets to your raffle.
09:0520?
09:06Where did you get 20 tickets?
09:08Well, Sam was selling them at the shake shop.
09:10Now I have almost twice as many as you.
09:13Oh, I know you're not very good at mathematics, darling,
09:15but, uh, that gives me a two-to-one edge.
09:18Good luck.
09:22Patty, did Gloria tell you she bought 20 tickets?
09:26I'm not much of a mathematician.
09:28But that's a two-to-one edge.
09:31I can't let her win.
09:33What are you going to do about it?
09:35There's only one thing left I can do.
09:37Buy 12 more tickets.
09:38Where are you going to get the money?
09:40That's a good question.
09:42Maybe I could raffle myself off.
09:51Would you believe it?
09:52We've sold a grand total of 204 tickets.
09:55205. I just sold my last ticket.
09:58Great. Who did you sell it to?
10:00I'd rather not say. It's too silly.
10:02Oh, come on. Who was it?
10:04I'd rather not say.
10:05Okay.
10:08Five, 10, 11, 12, 12.50.
10:11What's that?
10:12I sold my 25 tickets.
10:14I tell you, there's nothing like the good old Boy Scouts.
10:17Look, one of those cute little kids wins.
10:19Can you imagine Richard walking down the aisle of a theater with a Boy Scout on his arm?
10:23I didn't sell them to the Boy Scouts.
10:24You didn't?
10:25No. Our patrol leader has an older sister who's a model,
10:27and these models do charity work, so they bought the whole block for me.
10:33You sold those 25 tickets to models?
10:35Yeah.
10:38You dirty little double-crosser! How could you do that to your own sister?
10:41What difference does it make who buys them?
10:43It all goes to charity.
10:44What difference does it make who buys them?
10:46You just ruined my whole life!
10:48Try to do a favor for a friend.
10:52Grateful monster!
10:53Patti Ross was only trying to help you.
10:55Who's talking about Ross? I'm talking about Richard.
10:58How dare he let himself be auctioned off like cattle?
11:00Patti, it was your idea.
11:03You talked him into it.
11:05Patti, don't defend him.
11:06He should have talked me out of it.
11:10The uncertainty, I can't stand.
11:12He's going to dinner in the theater, and I don't know if he's going with Gloria,
11:15a beautiful model, one of my mother's bridge partners, or a Boy Scout.
11:18Well, there's nothing you can do about it.
11:20Oh, yes, there is.
11:22I'm going to call off the raffle.
11:24You can't do that.
11:26Oh, yes, I can.
11:28This is the sick little brain that thought up that stupid plan,
11:30and it can just think up something else.
11:33Something that doesn't involve sending my boyfriend on a date with a beautiful model.
11:39The raffle is off.
11:46Oh, hello, Mrs. Pollock.
11:48Hello, Patti. I'm so glad I caught you at home.
11:51Won't you come in?
11:54Hello, Kathy.
11:56Hello, Mrs. Pollock.
11:58I've just come from our church committee meeting.
12:01We discussed the raffle.
12:02And you decided not to hold it.
12:04Oh, that's wonderful, Mrs. Pollock.
12:05It was a terrible idea in the first place.
12:07Not hold it.
12:08Why, the committee wanted me to drop by and tell you how grateful they were to you.
12:13You've raised more money than everyone else put together.
12:16I have?
12:18As a matter of fact, we voted to hold another raffle next year.
12:21Oh, good.
12:23Maybe you can raffle off my brain.
12:25Here, I have some more money for you.
12:27Oh, isn't that lovely?
12:32Well, I really must be going.
12:34Okay.
12:36Goodbye, Kathy.
12:38Goodbye, Mrs. Pollock.
12:41Goodbye, Patti, and thank you again.
12:44I'll see you Sunday at the bazaar.
12:46No, I'll be there.
12:48Thank you, Mrs. Pollock.
12:52You're a natural-born fundraiser.
12:54I'm a natural-born idiot.
12:56Patti, why don't you take your chances?
12:59Kathy, I don't mind gambling, but not with loaded dice.
13:03One way or another, I've got to go.
13:06Not with loaded dice.
13:09One way or another, I've got to get every single one of those tickets back.
13:18Maggie?
13:19Hi.
13:20Hi, Patti.
13:21You remember that raffle ticket I sold you?
13:22Yeah.
13:23Well, I'd like to have it back.
13:24You mean you want to buy it back?
13:26No, not exactly.
13:28I thought maybe we could do a little bartering.
13:30You know how you always ask me to do your hair?
13:32Oh, you mean you will?
13:33Sure.
13:34Great.
13:36George, you have one ticket, right?
13:39I do my own hair.
13:41Oh.
13:42Yeah, but how would you like me to cut your lawn?
13:46I'll be at your house Saturday afternoon.
13:49Okay.
13:51Goodbye.
13:52Adeline, I'm here to take back the raffle ticket that I sold you.
13:55I don't want to give mine back.
13:57I think I'm going to win.
13:59Adeline, you know how you're always asking me to give you tennis lessons?
14:03Yes.
14:04How about Sunday at 3 o'clock?
14:06It's a deal.
14:07Okay.
14:08Alice, I know you hate grocery shopping, right?
14:11Right.
14:12Well, big-hearted Patty is going to take over for you.
14:15I have two tickets, and they're both yours.
14:19I'll put you down for the next two Fridays.
14:22Mary, you hate dish washing, don't you?
14:25Boy, you said it.
14:26Okay.
14:27Okay.
14:28Next Tuesday.
14:32And Thursday, I'll be at your house washing the dishes.
14:35Sold.
14:38So where'd Patty go?
14:40She had some errands to do after dinner, Uncle Martin.
14:42Oh.
14:43It's wonderful how much she's helped with the church bazaar, isn't it?
14:47She may turn out to have a business head on her shoulders.
14:50Hello, darling.
14:52Exhausting evening?
14:54Yeah.
14:55But very satisfying.
14:57I got back all the tickets.
14:59You got all of them back?
15:00Mm-hmm.
15:01How'd you find the models?
15:03Their names and addresses were on the stubs.
15:06Boy, you should have seen some of them.
15:08I wouldn't have had a chance.
15:10Patty, do you mean you bought back all those raffle tickets you sold?
15:14Not bought them back, Papo.
15:16I, uh, kind of traded them.
15:18Traded them?
15:19For what?
15:20For me.
15:21I'm going to be doing slave labor for the next six months.
15:24I hope Richard appreciates you.
15:27Hmm.
15:28I think he should know about this.
15:30Oh, no, he shouldn't.
15:31Why not?
15:32Well, we all know what an egomaniac Richard is.
15:37He might think I was jealous.
15:39I don't think so.
15:41Egomaniac Richard is.
15:43He might think I was jealous.
15:46And we all know I'm not.
16:00You and Patty going to play tennis?
16:02Yes, she's quite good on that.
16:03I've learned a lot from her.
16:04Oh, that's fine.
16:09I'm ready, Patty.
16:10Oh, good.
16:11Have a good game.
16:12I'll be at the park giving Adeline a lesson.
16:14I thought we were going to play.
16:16Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Kath.
16:18This is business.
16:19You don't think I'm doing it for fun, do you?
16:21Teaching Adeline how to play tennis is like pushing a truck up the Rocky Mountains
16:24in the middle of a snowstorm.
16:26See ya.
16:31All set for an evening of dishwashing.
16:33Oh, good.
16:34Oh, not here, Mama.
16:35I wish it were.
16:36See ya.
16:41Hi, Papa.
16:43Papa, I've been meaning...
16:44What are you all dressed up for?
16:46Oh, car washing.
16:47Really?
16:48Yeah.
16:49Gee, I'm glad to hear that.
16:50Thanks.
16:51Papa, do you wash a car out of the sun?
16:53Yeah, that's right.
16:54I'll move it into the shade for you.
16:55Oh, don't bother.
16:56It's Gina Tugwell's car.
16:57Let her move it into the shade.
16:58See ya.
17:00Patty, look at you.
17:02What happened?
17:04I've been babysitting with a Martian.
17:07Oh, well.
17:09At least that's one more that can be checked off.
17:11Just think, only six more weeks and I'll be through.
17:14Patty, is Richard really worth all this?
17:17Of course he is, Kathy.
17:19He's a good man.
17:20He's a good man.
17:21He's a good man.
17:22He's a good man.
17:23He's a good man.
17:24He's a good man.
17:25He's a good man.
17:26He's a good man.
17:27He's a good man.
17:28Kathy, don't you see?
17:29I can't let him go to the theatre at dinner with a gorgeous model.
17:35He might find out he can do without me.
17:37If he tries to do without you, he's crazy.
17:40Thanks for the vote of confidence.
17:46Look at all those tickets.
17:48Somewhere.
17:50Somewhere in there's a glorious evening with Richard.
17:53Did you manage to get all the tickets back?
17:56All except two.
17:57And what's two against this pile?
18:00I better get dressed.
18:02Do you have a date with Richard tonight?
18:03Richard? Who has time for Richard?
18:05I'm doing Maggie's hair tonight.
18:12Hey, shouldn't Patty be back by now?
18:14Well, this was one of her busier nights.
18:16She had appointments to do two hairdos, a shampoo, and walk Angela's dog.
18:21I've heard of moonlighting, but that's ridiculous.
18:24Well, Patty gets herself into these spas, Ross, but she usually manages to get herself out of them.
18:29Boy, she sure is going through a lot of trouble for a guy she sees every day anyhow.
18:32You may not understand it now, darling, but one day you'll go to a lot of trouble for someone you care about.
18:37I can understand that. Yesterday I caught a snake for Johnny Rogers.
18:43Ross, it's not the same thing.
18:46Oh, you mean the boy-girl stuff?
18:48That's right.
18:50I never thought about it, but to tell you the truth, I just can't understand what all the big fuss is about.
19:02Oh, hello, Richard.
19:03Hi, Mr. Lane.
19:04Hi, Mrs. Lane.
19:05Hello, Richard.
19:06Ross.
19:07Hi. Would you like a...
19:08Sure.
19:09...sandwich?
19:10Just some cake and milk, thanks.
19:11I just finished dinner a few minutes ago.
19:14Where's Patty?
19:15Oh, she had...
19:17She had to go out and do some errands.
19:19Sure have a bright daughter. That was a brilliant idea of hers to raffle me off.
19:23It was like stumbling on a gold mine.
19:26I never thought of it in those terms, Richard.
19:28I'll bet you I'm the only man in history who's been raffled off.
19:31I wouldn't be surprised.
19:33I'm keeping a chart at the house of all the tickets sold.
19:37The graph went right off the paper.
19:39Even I didn't expect such a run on me.
19:42We never know what'll sell, do we, Richard?
19:45Sure is a funny feeling, not knowing who's gonna win.
19:49Today's a big day, isn't it?
19:51You mean the church bazaar?
19:52Yes.
19:53Isn't Patty coming down to breakfast?
19:55I think she's too nervous to eat.
19:57I'd be nervous, too, if I thought I was gonna win Richard in a raffle.
20:01So what makes you so sure she's gonna win him?
20:04This is what makes me so sure.
20:06I need your help, though.
20:07When they call up the winning number, it's gonna take me a month to find it in here.
20:10What would you like us to do, darling?
20:12I thought if each one of us took a batch of tickets, we'd find it much faster.
20:15What do you say?
20:16I don't see why not.
20:17It's all right with me.
20:18Count me in.
20:19Me, too.
20:20This is gonna be one of the big red-letter days of my life.
20:43Hi, Rich.
20:44Hi, Gloria.
20:45Hello, Richard.
20:46Hi, Patty.
20:47Gloria, I thought you weren't coming.
20:48Not come?
20:49I had to pick up my prize, didn't I?
20:51Maybe.
20:53That's pitiful.
20:55Well, we may as well start the drawing.
20:59Could you wait one second, Mrs. Pollack?
21:05Are you ready?
21:07You're ready, dear.
21:08Ross?
21:09Blast off.
21:10Kathy?
21:11Ready.
21:12Papa?
21:13Ready.
21:14Okay, we're all ready.
21:18The winner is number 263.
21:23I must have it right here.
21:24Just a minute.
21:30Mama?
21:31I don't have it.
21:32It isn't here.
21:33Ross?
21:34Nope.
21:35Kathy?
21:36No, Patty, I don't have it.
21:38Oh, then Papa has it.
21:39I'm afraid I don't have it, Patty.
21:41Well, one of you has to have it.
21:43I bought up all the tickets except two.
21:47Gloria, do you have number 263?
21:51264.
21:54Oh, uh, wait a minute.
21:58263.
22:00I won myself.
22:06How could you win?
22:07I didn't sell you a ticket.
22:08I sold it to him.
22:10Congratulations, Richard.
22:13There's a reservation for two at the Starlight Room,
22:16and here are your theater tickets.
22:18Thanks a lot.
22:20Congratulations, Richard.
22:22That's wonderful.
22:23You know something?
22:24I could have saved myself a lot of work.
22:27You didn't want to gamble on that, remember?
22:30Yeah, but it worked out all right.
22:32Richard and I are gonna have a beautiful evening.
22:34We sure are.
22:36I can't wait for the 16th.
22:38The 16th?
22:40Yeah, that's the night we're painting the town.
22:47I'm afraid you're gonna have to paint it alone, Richard.
22:50What are you talking about?
22:52I can't go with you on the 16th.
22:54Why not?
22:57Because thanks to you, I have three hairdos,
23:00I'm serving a dinner party parade,
23:02baking a cake, babysitting,
23:04beating out a bass line,
23:06beating out a bass line.
23:08Uh, I've seen some great...
23:14Good evening, Richard.
23:15Evening, Mr. Lane.
23:17Is Kathy ready?
23:19Seems strange to have you asking for Kathy.
23:22I know. I can't get used to it either.
23:24I keep thinking Patty's gonna kill me.
23:27Uh, come in, Richard.
23:29Thanks.
23:33Hi, everybody.
23:35Good evening, Richard.
23:36Hi.
23:37You look very nice.
23:38So do you.
23:40Thanks, Mom, for letting me borrow these pots and pans.
23:42I always would never have had enough to cook for 20 people.
23:44Hi, Patty.
23:45Hi, Rich.
23:46Gee, you look great.
23:48Oh, thanks.
23:49Is that a new suit?
23:50Yep.
23:51Beautiful.
23:52Well, you two make a lovely-looking couple.
23:55Have a ball.
23:56I'm very sorry, Patty.
23:57I had no idea it would turn out like this.
23:59That's okay. It's my own fault.
24:01I outsmarted myself again.
24:03I brought you something.
24:06For me?
24:11Thank you, Richard.
24:13It's okay.
24:15Well, you two better be running along.
24:17You'll be late.
24:19Bye.
24:20Have a good time.
24:21Bye.
24:24You know, Patty, that's really very sporting of you.
24:26Oh, that's okay.
24:27It's the least I can do for charity.
24:29And that's why we can keep him in the family.
24:33¶ ¶
24:59¶ Here's Kathy who's lived most everywhere ¶
25:02¶ From Zanzibar to Farkly Square ¶
25:05¶ But Patty's only seen the sights a girl can see from Brooklyn Heights ¶
25:09¶ What a crazy pair ¶
25:11¶ But they're cousins ¶
25:14¶ Identical cousins ¶
25:16¶ And you'll find ¶
25:18¶ They laugh alike ¶
25:19¶ They walk alike ¶
25:20¶ At times they even talk alike ¶
25:22¶ You can lose your mind ¶
25:25¶ When cousins are two of a kind ¶
25:32¶