The.Feud.2025.S01E02
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TVTranscript
00:00I don't think we should sell. I think we should do the kitchen.
00:03Seriously?
00:04Hello, Mr. Magpie. How's the wife and kids?
00:06You and your son had some pretty intense arguments.
00:09You never mentioned Marcus.
00:11You stitched me up with that Indian kid.
00:13He lied about his confession, and we both know why.
00:15This isn't over.
00:16Whoever died here heard they were murdered.
00:18I mean, who knows what goes on behind these doors.
00:20At least with John and Emma, we know they're not going to kill us.
00:22Ooh, it's lovely to see you all getting on so well.
00:25And I thought the tension in there unbearable.
00:30MUSIC PLAYS
00:38You gotta take care of me.
00:40And you didn't get back?
00:42I'm I'm sorry.
00:44I'm sorry.
00:46There's no more in that room.
00:50I'm sorry.
00:52I'm sorry.
00:53I'm sorry.
00:55I'm sorry.
00:56You're listening to me.
01:59Oh, no, Mr. Magpie.
02:06You're going to ask the builders not to leave any ladders out in case you have to walk underneath them?
02:09There are worse things to be than a little bit superstitious.
02:12Like inexplicably refusing to sign a party war agreement.
02:15What are you doing today?
02:19I'm not sure.
02:22What do you get up to all day?
02:23I mean, I know you're looking for work, but doesn't it get boring just not doing much, not seeing anyone?
02:33I see people.
02:34Hmm.
02:35Who?
02:35Where's all this come from?
02:41I really need to speak to Derek and Barbara.
02:43You're wasting your time.
02:44I don't think you're going to be able to change their mind on this.
02:46You mean you hope I don't?
02:49I'm not the enemy.
02:50I thought this whole kitchen thing was supposed to bring us closer together.
02:55You're right.
02:56I'm sorry.
02:58I love you, Anna.
03:00I know.
03:01It's just...
03:03It's just what?
03:04Do you really think Derek and Barbara won't budge?
03:11Of course they won't.
03:13They're ignorant.
03:14And intransigent.
03:16Why do you think Marcus laughed?
03:18What do you mean?
03:19They just disappeared.
03:20No one knows what happened to him.
03:22He hated them.
03:24And it was partly because they never listened to him.
03:26How do you know that?
03:27He used to tell me.
03:28When?
03:30I never saw you with him.
03:31Yeah, Bess.
03:32You hardly knew him.
03:32No, you barely know me.
03:39What was that all about?
03:41God knows.
03:42She's just a poor, messed up, lonely kid.
03:46You all right?
03:51Uh, yeah.
03:53It's just Alan wants to know if I want to go for a pint later.
03:57Do you?
03:58No.
03:59Not really in the mood.
04:01I think you should go.
04:01Maybe I'll text Sonia.
04:03See if she fancies the catch-up.
04:07I'm going to try and talk to Derek.
04:08Come on.
04:08Come on.
04:11Come on.
04:20I think that's fine.
04:24Bye.
04:29Bye.
04:30Bye.
04:31Bye.
04:31Bye.
04:32Bye.
04:33Bye.
04:33Bye.
04:35Bye.
04:35Bye.
04:36Derek?
04:49Derek, Barbara, it's me.
04:51I just want to have a chat with you, if that's all right.
05:06Dad, it's me. Just wondering if you had any luck with the planning.
05:09Give us a call.
05:13Hiya.
05:14Hi.
05:15You're not working today?
05:16Me? Yeah, always. I'm on my way.
05:19We can't work from home when we fancy it.
05:21Oh, is Sonia off?
05:23She's got a nice afternoon plan with her feet up.
05:26I mean, don't get me wrong.
05:27I wouldn't want to be a teacher for all the omelette in Spain.
05:30But with all the strikes and Covid, just had more days off than John.
05:33And that's saying something.
05:36Yeah, sorry.
05:38I was joking about John. I know he's had quite...
05:41No, no. I think it's nice that you're going out for a drink later.
05:44I think you could do with the moan.
05:46Slow down. I haven't answered him yet.
05:48Answered him. You asked him.
05:50Well, he only just text, asking if I fancied a pint.
05:53So, yeah, we might.
05:55But I was with him when you text him.
05:57Must have been his fancy woman.
05:59Sorry. You know, I've got to stop doing jokes.
06:05Sonia's always telling me.
06:06No, no, you're fine. It's me.
06:08It's the extension, the builders, the plans, money.
06:11I'm just all over the place. I must have misheard.
06:13Have a good day.
06:14Yeah, you too.
06:15Hey, why don't you ask Sonia if she's free later?
06:19We could all go out. I could do with a drink.
06:21I could do with a drink.
06:22Yeah, sure. Let's do that.
06:24We could have to talk to them sooner or later.
06:44Oh? Why?
06:47They're our neighbours.
06:49Oh, don't you see? There's a process.
06:52There are at least two objections to the little scheme so far.
06:54The longer we stole, the more likely they are to change their minds.
06:57I mean, it's not...
06:58They're not going to change their minds, Derek.
06:59They're going to build their stupid kitchen,
07:01and they're going to want to move our tree.
07:04And if they move the tree...
07:05Oh, shut up, woman. Just... just... just...
07:08Get a grip.
07:22Emma.
07:23Hi.
07:24Oh.
07:25Well, is this about the petition?
07:26Yeah.
07:27I know you think it's trivial and petty,
07:28but having this street filled with cars and vans
07:30with no consideration for the residents
07:32or for someone who works anti-social...
07:34I need to see your camera footage.
07:36I beg your pardon?
07:37Erm...
07:38It's because I need just a little bit more evidence.
07:41Evidence of what?
07:42For the parking permits.
07:43Oh.
07:44I just thought that if I could see the CCTV evidence
07:47of the vehicles in the street,
07:48then I'd be able to make a more informed decision,
07:50and it may help me convince my husband and Sonia and Alan.
07:54So you want to borrow my footage? Is that what you're saying?
07:57I... I want to help.
07:59I just thought that if I could take it home and watch it,
08:02then if what you say is true, which I'm sure it is,
08:05then I'll sign the petition.
08:08What do you think?
08:10What do you think?
08:11There is going to go to a blender.
08:12There is!
08:13There is.
08:29John?
08:52John?
08:55John?
09:25John?
09:35John?
09:47Shit.
09:49Shit.
09:59Shit.
10:07Shit.
10:11Shit.
10:13Shit.
10:16Shit.
10:19Shit.
10:20Shit.
11:51I'm sure it's illegal for him to point that thing over here.
12:03He could see anything.
12:05It is.
12:06Well, on the upside, he might see a burglar if one broke in.
12:08Besides, he'd hardly be making a sex date, would he?
12:16Oh, yeah.
12:17I saw Emma.
12:18She was wondering if the four of us might go out later.
12:21On a Wednesday?
12:22Yeah.
12:23John texted asking if I fancied a pint.
12:27Did he?
12:28Actually, it was a bit odd.
12:30Never seemed to think I texted John, but it was the other way around.
12:35Right.
12:35I think she's a bit suspicious of him.
12:41Suspicious of what?
12:43Well, he sits about all day doing nothing.
12:47When I made a joke about him having a fancy woman, she didn't exactly laugh.
12:51Well, she wouldn't, would she?
12:53I mean, why would you make a joke like that?
12:56Remember when people had a sense of humor?
12:57Anyway, let me know what you think.
13:02About what?
13:04The drinks.
13:05Later.
13:06Oh, yeah, sure.
13:06Okay.
13:07See ya.
13:08See ya.
13:08See ya.
13:24Yeah.
13:25Yeah.
13:26Yeah.
13:26Yeah.
13:26Yeah.
13:26Yeah.
13:26Yeah.
13:26Yeah.
13:27Yeah.
13:27Well, it seems to me you knew exactly what you were doing when you broke into the shop and stole the phones.
13:47That's as may be, but if you don't turn up to your hearing, they're not going to look favourably at the case, are they?
13:53Okay, fine.
13:55I'll see what I can do.
13:56Yeah.
13:56Yeah.
13:57I'll see you next to me.
14:27I'll see you next to you next to me.
14:57I mean, we still haven't.
14:58I mean, we still haven't got planning permission or the party wall agreement for that matter.
15:00Well, we need to work on the assumption that you're going to get both then, don't we?
15:05Yeah, well, I'm not sure it's going to be as easy as my wife thinks.
15:08I mean, what if the planning permission takes longer than you...
15:12John, do you know what?
15:13John, do you know what?
15:25John, do you know what?
15:26John, do you know what?
15:32John, do you know what?
15:33John, do you know how long that van's going to be there?
15:36What now, Nick?
15:37Well, you say that, you're going to have a skip, you'll have the van, you're going to have
15:40lorries delivering steel and God knows...
15:42John, do you know what?
15:43John, do you know what?
15:44John, do you know what?
15:45I was...
15:46Do you know what?
15:47I was to work in her place, and she was looking forward to the steps...
15:54from that to the island.
15:57Go away.
16:02If they want to leave and leave and give us a commitment to you...
16:06They feel better to go.
16:07If they want to leave, 59gunährtans, can't wait to leave.
16:10Should this leave head?
16:13Great chronicles come.
16:15Right, I'm done for now. I'll be back to start the build as soon as your missus gives us the nod for the planning and the party.
16:37Right, well, I think we should all just...
16:38Because we're going to have to move your neighbour's fence and also have a word with them about that tree, will you?
16:42It's going to cause issues where it stands.
16:43The thing is, this is your payment plan as we move forward, so I'm going to need this first lot so I can order your steels and concrete.
16:51Also, there's a number on there for a port-a-loo company and a skip-hire. We'll need both.
16:58Can you just put it all in an email?
16:59Terry here. Leave a message.
17:16Dad, what's happening? I just need to know. Please, call me.
18:32I've got the money.
18:34You can trust me.
18:35You know you can.
18:36Just do what you need to do.
18:44Keep in touch.
18:45Hello?
18:59Hello?
19:17Right.
19:18What have you been up to?
19:19Hi.
19:24Pornhub.
19:25Very funny.
19:27No, it's a case file.
19:28It's boring.
19:28Where were you?
19:29I shouted for you.
19:30I was in the garden.
19:32What were you doing in the garden?
19:34Thinking.
19:35Thinking about what?
19:37When did you speak to your dad?
19:39Sorry?
19:40He left a message for you on the answer machine downstairs.
19:42Said he needed to see you.
19:43Said he had an answer.
19:45What's going on?
19:47I don't know why he would call the landline.
19:50Uh, so that I would hear it?
19:51So that we could have a fight like we're just about to?
19:53God's sake, John.
19:54Just grow up.
19:55Grow up?
19:55He fleeced us, Emma.
19:56Your own dad.
19:57Look, he's my dad.
19:58You told me that you two weren't speaking.
20:02I thought we had an agreement.
20:05Emma.
20:06He's my father.
20:07I can't stop him from calling me.
20:09Well, what's all this stuff about him having an answer, then?
20:11An answer for what?
20:14Why aren't you telling me?
20:17I could ask you the same thing.
20:20What's that supposed to mean?
20:23Have you asked him for money?
20:24No, of course not.
20:25Because I don't want a penny of his filthy cash.
20:26Not even the stuff he still owes us.
20:28Well, neither do I.
20:29So what do you want from him, then?
20:30It can't be his love.
20:31That river ran dry years ago.
20:32Oh, Jesus.
20:34And the builder's payment breakdown's pretty bloody punchy,
20:36so that would make sense.
20:37He's my dad, for God's sake.
20:40Yeah, well, he's not mine, thank God.
20:52Jerry here.
20:53Leave a message.
20:54Your dad?
20:56We need to meet.
20:58Emma, what's this?
21:05What?
21:05Well, it's the street group chat.
21:07Nick's just posted that you've signed his petition for the parking permit.
21:11Has he?
21:11Why would you do that?
21:12I haven't.
21:13I said I'd have a think about it.
21:14Well, why would he say that?
21:16And why didn't you tell me that Lee was coming around today?
21:19Because I didn't know he was.
21:20And anyway, your phone's been switched off.
21:22Oh, well, you know, I must have been charging it or something.
21:25Listen, Lee, he wants to get going.
21:28He's rushing us.
21:30We haven't even got planning.
21:31I mean, this whole thing's becoming a bit of a nightmare.
21:33I'm worried that...
21:34John, what is wrong with you?
21:37You never used to be this stressed and anxious.
21:40I don't know.
21:42I don't know.
21:44I just...
21:46What?
21:48I suppose since I quit my job...
21:51I mean, maybe I shouldn't have left.
21:53But I hated it.
21:54I couldn't have...
21:54I couldn't have that stress.
21:58I just feel so...
22:00John.
22:00It's going to be fine.
22:03You have to trust me.
22:05If we don't have that, what have we got?
22:07Just find out about those drinks tonight.
22:09I don't know.
22:39I don't know.
23:09Alan?
23:11Alan?
23:30Hi.
23:31Leave a message.
23:32Alan, it's me.
23:33We'll tell me back.
23:35Let me know if you want to do this drink later.
23:36Biscuit?
23:50Where did you go?
23:58Biscuit?
23:59All right, Biscuit.
24:02I don't need you that badly.
24:04Playing hard to get.
24:07Oh, hi.
24:08What are you doing out here?
24:10Just looking at my house.
24:13Thinking.
24:14About the extension?
24:16Yeah.
24:18Among other things.
24:19I was surprised.
24:20I was surprised.
24:22Me too.
24:25Is this what you want?
24:29Is it?
24:30Remember we'd say something now?
24:49What do you think she would say?
24:50I'll see you tonight.
25:02Tonight?
25:04Drinks, remember?
25:05Do you do all your meetings in the park now?
25:24Well, they can't bug you out here.
25:26Why does that not feel like a joke?
25:29Come on.
25:30Who do you think I am?
25:32A property developer who'll go to any lengths to make a profit, regardless of the law, since you ask.
25:36And one day, it could all be yours.
25:39No, thanks.
25:40I'm one of the good guys.
25:41Sure.
25:42Till it comes to planning applications.
25:45You said you had an answer.
25:46Yeah.
25:47Yeah.
25:48I'm really fine, and thank you for asking.
25:50Oh, come on, Dad.
25:52Don't play the happy family card with me.
25:54Well, you ask me a big favour.
25:56Then you tell me I'm a bad father.
25:58I didn't say you're a bad father.
25:59You did.
26:00Ah.
26:00Well, you got my message then.
26:02Yeah.
26:03Couldn't get through on your mobile.
26:05Yeah, that was a dick move, and you know it.
26:06You knew John would hear that.
26:08Well, I can't call you.
26:09You know what I'm talking about.
26:12I like him.
26:13No, please.
26:13Let's not do this.
26:14I mean, he's not exactly the man I'd hoped that my only child would finish up with, but...
26:18Okay, so what kind of man would survive?
26:20Because after all, Dad, I am here to make you happy.
26:23He can't hold down a job when he makes his wife go out to earn a crust.
26:28It's not the 1970s.
26:31He didn't send me out to work.
26:32I love my job.
26:33God, no wonder Mum left you.
26:35I miss you, Mum.
26:36She misses you.
26:39Does she?
26:40No.
26:40She literally moved to Australia that time when she misses you.
26:44Right.
26:44Well, she left us both.
26:49So, do you want the good news or the bad news?
26:51Oh, God's sake, please.
26:53Just tell me.
26:54Well, the good news is you've got your planning.
26:56Really?
26:57Really?
26:58Oh, thank you.
27:00Yeah, hang on.
27:01You haven't heard the bad news.
27:03What?
27:04I'm afraid.
27:06You're going to have to do the extension and it's going to be a bloody nightmare.
27:09Shut up.
27:11So, how do I thank you?
27:14Your old man can't do you a favour?
27:16Not for free, no.
27:19Nice.
27:21Give Beth a kiss for me.
27:24Listen, sorry, sorry, Dad.
27:25I shouldn't have said that.
27:29Send John my best.
27:34They wrote to us.
27:58The surveyors, they sent us an email.
28:00Oh, I didn't get an email.
28:02They made the party wall award.
28:04Okay, well, I haven't...
28:05They've ignored our concerns, the light.
28:08They said we have to let you do as you asked.
28:10They said we have to let you move our fence one metre while you dig your foundations, while
28:14you build your wall.
28:16They said we have no choice in the matter.
28:18I can't believe this is happening to us, that you're doing this to us.
28:21Barbara, I'm not doing this to upset you, really.
28:23Upset us?
28:25Upset us?
28:25You have no idea.
28:27Just help me understand this, because I'm really struggling here.
28:30Why is this such a big deal?
28:32It's just a kitchen extension.
28:33We'll keep fighting the planning, trust me.
28:36We have a case.
28:37Well, that's the other thing.
28:39The planning's gone through.
28:40You're not moving our tree.
28:48Do you hear me?
28:50Why?
28:51Have you got something to hide?
28:54We'll do what we'll have to do, Derek.
28:56Over my dead body.
29:04Barbara.
29:10You look nice.
29:20Thanks.
29:23Maybe I should get changed?
29:24No, you look fine.
29:25We're only going to the pub.
29:27Well, it's very nice of you to make such an effort for Alan.
29:29Funny.
29:31Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I'll try to make an effort for you?
29:35So it looks like Lee can start on Monday.
29:38Are you okay with that?
29:39What about the planning?
29:41We got it.
29:45Monday's great if that's what worked first.
29:48You're okay with it?
29:49Emma.
29:50It's your money.
29:52It's our money.
29:53We're married, remember?
29:55Promise me one thing.
29:57Sure.
29:58Your dad has nothing to do with it.
30:00Yeah.
30:01Of course.
30:02Great.
30:04Let's go and celebrate.
30:08John.
30:09What do you think of me?
30:10Where did that come from?
30:13I don't know.
30:14It's just been ages since we've been out together.
30:17I can barely get you to a greater takeaway these days, let alone a night out at the pub.
30:21We went to Sonia and Alan's the other night.
30:24Yeah.
30:25Sonia's.
30:25And Alan.
30:28Emma, what's wrong?
30:30I don't know.
30:31I just think maybe we should see other people.
30:33Other people?
30:34Oh, you mean other...
30:36You mean other friends?
30:37Why?
30:38What did you...
30:39Oh God, why would I suggest that?
30:42I don't know.
30:43Yeah.
30:43It's not exactly you, is it?
30:51Are you ready?
30:55Alan?
30:55Alan?
30:55Alan?
30:55Alan?
30:56I'm coming, my love.
31:09I'm coming, my love.
32:09Oh! Thanks for this. Not at all. I won't be needing it. And I won't be needing parking permits, but best of luck. Oh, and not only have I not signed your petition, despite what you've told the rest of the street, I won't be signing your petition. You said you would. I said I'd think about it. And I've thought about it.
32:38Nick, we're going to be needing builders, cranes, skips, concrete pourers, plumbers, electricians, portable toilets. And that's before we've even thought about the decorating, so it's not going to work for us.
32:50Well, here's news. You've got to get past planning first.
32:53Oh, yeah. About that. The plan's gone through, so that's that. Oh, and can you move your camera away from looking at our house? I'm a lawyer. It invades our privacy.
33:02Shane! Makes interesting viewing. We'll just have to see what the rest of the street make of it.
33:10What was that about? No idea.
33:20Good to see what the rest of the street make of it.
33:24Sure is, sorry.
33:25Let's see.
33:27What's that.
33:28What is happening?
33:30Yeah.
33:32But you, you, you never understood what was going on.
33:56You're a fool.
33:58I'm not a fool, Derek.
34:00Please stop.
34:01That's why he isn't here.
34:02It's your fault.
34:03Oh, don't say that.
34:05You can't say that.
34:06None of these people are going to ruin everything.
34:09Everything.
34:11Well, they'll have to kill me first.
34:14Excuse me.
34:36Are you Beth?
34:38I mean, I want CCTV in a bloody cul-de-sac anyway.
34:55The man's paranoid.
34:57I mean, that's for the parking permits.
34:58You can go and stick them.
34:59That's what I said to him.
35:00I think he just thought that because I said I'd look at his petition, he just presumed I'd
35:04be on board, did you?
35:06I can't stand the man.
35:07No, me neither.
35:09He reminds me of my dad and his mates when we were kids.
35:11One summer, they set up a neighborhood watch and then spent every evening getting together
35:15and watching movies like Magnificent Seven and One and a half.
35:19No way.
35:21No, it's true.
35:22And then all revved up, they'd go out hunting for vagabonds and villains on with golf clubs
35:26and air pistols.
35:27Who's making that up?
35:29Yeah, seriously.
35:30What happened?
35:31Well, nothing.
35:31They never found anyone.
35:32Apart from one time, they did come across some poor teenager who was trying to have a quiet
35:35spliff and they asked him so much, he ended up giving them all his weed and then they
35:39spent the rest of the summer completely stoned.
35:43The amount of times I've heard that story.
35:45Oh, it's hilarious.
35:46It's bullshit.
35:48Alan.
35:49Well, it's not true, is it, John?
35:52It's one of your embellishments.
35:55It didn't happen.
36:00Well, it's not a big deal, I just like the truth.
36:04Oh, come on, John, you're a great guy, but you do love to exaggerate and you like an audience.
36:10It's not a bad thing.
36:12I mean, they're pretty good stories.
36:16I'm just going to get the loop.
36:23I'll get some more drinks.
36:25What's that about?
36:32God knows.
36:34Seems like there's something going on between them.
36:38Like what?
36:38I don't know, it's just when men talk to each other like that, there's usually something
36:42deeper going on.
36:44And how do women handle it?
36:46Well, I'd like to think we could tell each other the truth.
36:50Truth?
36:51Although my job, I have come to realise that people only ever tell you what they need
36:55you to hear.
36:56Truth is very overrated on my game.
36:58Yeah, I guess it must be.
37:01I suppose when you think about it, is it really even that important?
37:04Well, what else have we got?
37:11Come on.
37:12Are you serious?
37:21Cheers.
37:21Cheers.
37:24Cheers.
37:24Oh, my God.
37:33Do you want me to do your turn?
37:34If you say so.
37:35You're the boss.
37:40Another one?
37:42No.
37:43No.
37:46No.
37:46No.
37:47Let's go.
38:17Cheers.
38:26Hey, John.
38:27I was just taking a piss before, yeah?
38:29No hard feelings.
38:31Well, I mean, it's true, you do like to exaggerate.
38:34What the fuck is wrong with you?
38:35With me?
38:36Yeah, why would you say all that? I thought we were mates.
38:38So did I.
38:47You need to lighten up.
38:50Now let's get drunk.
38:52Let's get drunk.
39:22We'll have to party when this thing's done.
39:23You'll have no money left to throw one.
39:25Yeah, that's without the extra cost in parking permits.
39:28Oh, I'm just so relieved we're not moving anymore.
39:31You're all right, mate.
39:33Sorry about what happened earlier.
39:36You know, I think I'd really miss everyone.
39:39Apart from him.
39:40I've got an idea.
39:44Come on.
39:45Let's give Nick a little surprise.
39:47Really?
39:48Come on.
39:48You're going to do this?
39:49Yeah.
39:49Yeah, let's go for it.
39:51One.
39:52Two.
39:55Three.
39:55Good night in the oven.
40:14No, thanks to you.
40:16What was all that about with John?
40:20It was nothing.
40:22You know, it was just banter.
40:23I was calling him out, that's all.
40:25But why?
40:26He's a friend.
40:27Isn't that what friends do?
40:29Besides, why do you care?
40:30Why do you think Alan was a bit weird with you earlier?
40:44He's just being a dick.
40:45You know what he's like.
40:46I don't know.
40:47It just seemed like you wanted to say something.
40:49It's fine.
40:50Don't worry about it.
40:51I'm not.
40:51I'm just going to go and see if Ben's back.
41:14So I was right.
41:14You do want something.
41:15We should meet.
41:17Talk face to face.
41:18I knew it.
41:19I knew it was too good to be true.
41:20It's not for me.
41:22It's for the guy who sorted the planning.
41:24Emma?
41:26I'll call you tomorrow and it better be kosher.
41:33Emma.
41:34You heard from Beth?
41:36She's not in.
41:37No, she's probably just out with her mates.
41:40What are you doing out here anyway?
41:48John.
41:49What's that?
41:50What is that on the back?
42:17One for Sora.
42:18She's not in.
42:27I've been here.
42:34I've been here.
42:36Transcription by CastingWords