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00:00The
00:30A fat what?
00:39Frog. A fat frog.
00:41So that's a Bacardi Breezer, a vodka and Red Bull, and a fat frog?
00:45Any time tonight would be great.
00:46It's over 18s here.
00:48We're over 18.
00:49It's over 21s.
00:50We are over 21.
00:52It's over 25s.
00:53That's illegal, that is. John Paul's doing law.
00:55Tell him.
00:56It could be construed as discrimination.
00:57I'll construe you if I go out to you.
01:00Aye. If you've any sense, you pretend to be a fat frog.
01:03What?
01:04Hop it.
01:07Where are you off to tonight?
01:09A dibs dance or what?
01:10Rag week.
01:12Come on.
01:14Out with you.
01:16Hop it yourself.
01:20What's rag week?
01:22I think students act the eejit.
01:23Must be a long week.
01:25I was like you were saying anything anyways then.
01:27What?
01:28About stagnites.
01:29Oh yeah.
01:30Terrible old business.
01:31Stagnites?
01:32Yeah.
01:33There was a young fella from Tony Keedy.
01:34I think Hacob was his name.
01:35Oh, he tells this lovely.
01:38Well, didn't the poor young fella end up naked on the roof of the statile garage?
01:41Super glued to a camel.
01:43Mother of God.
01:44Well, it took him three days to get him down out of it.
01:46In a bucket of a JCB.
01:47Did he get married?
01:49No, he got pneumonia.
01:50And he got 18 months for interfering with the camel.
01:53But when he got out, he got the fright of his life.
01:54What?
01:55Didn't he's intended get off at one of the bellybys while he was inside?
01:58What about the camel?
01:59Oh, he got away with the probation act on account of his first offence.
02:03I'm telling you, bys, the stagnite's a terrible animal.
02:06I hope there's no camels tonight now, Tilly.
02:08No.
02:08No camels.
02:09All above board.
02:10Where are we off to anyway?
02:12Bally.
02:12How in the name of God did you end up being Dieter's best man?
02:16Was he drunk or what?
02:17I think it was an account of all Dieter's friends are from Germany.
02:21And who's Miss Fahy's bridesmaid?
02:23Eh, Nurse Maloney.
02:25He's the maid of honour.
02:26Bye, Timmy.
02:27That's the virginity gone anyway, huh?
02:32Or she'll put marrows on you.
02:34Are you sure about this?
02:38Yeah, if you've got it flaunted, that's what I say.
02:40This is your last night of freedom.
02:42You might as well go out with a bang.
02:45Am I right, Gretty?
02:47I remember my headlight.
02:49We went to a Chippendale show.
02:52Well, that's what we thought, too.
02:55Turned out to be all antique furniture.
02:57Mossy loved it.
02:59Mossy was with you?
03:00Yes.
03:00Didn't he have a stagnite?
03:01Oh, yes.
03:03He went out with the boys on a Wednesday night.
03:06And I went out with the boys on a Thursday.
03:09On a Friday.
03:10And a Saturday.
03:14What about you, Mrs. Gillyhooly?
03:16What about me?
03:18Did you have a henlight?
03:19My mother and I went to the Novena.
03:22To thank God for sending me a good husband.
03:25Then I went to the bingo.
03:27I won 200, sweet aft.
03:31What about Robert?
03:32Certainly not.
03:34He never liked the bingo.
03:37Did he not have the stagnite?
03:38No.
03:39Is that at home?
03:40Pray for a reprieve.
03:42What was that?
03:43I'd say we should leave.
03:45Where are we going, sir?
03:46It's a surprise.
03:47We'll have one in Jack's to start.
03:49Of course, it's a day of this whole business.
03:57What is?
03:58The best man business.
03:59Being best man at a wedding.
04:00Well, the business of being the best man.
04:02In what way is it dangerous?
04:04Well, there was a fella called Tuberty from Bellyhack.
04:07Ned Tuberty.
04:08Is he anything to Father Ned Tuberty?
04:10The very man.
04:11He set out to marry a croaker.
04:12And what happened?
04:14Do you, Sirs Farrah Heaslip, take Birdy Croaker to be a lawfully wedded wife?
04:19Well, poor old Ned stood there with a mouth open and closing like a demented goldfish and not a sound coming out of it.
04:25Look it, Sirs Farrah Heaslip.
04:27And he was getting hot under the collar at this stage.
04:29I have a funeral at three o'clock.
04:31Now, do you take Birdy Croaker to be a lawfully wedded wife?
04:34Yes or no?
04:35And with that, the best man stood forward.
04:37From Boise, Idaho.
04:39From Boise, Idaho.
04:41And he stepped forward to prompt Ned.
04:42I do, Sirs he, in a kind of a whisper.
04:45That's it, Sirs Farrah Heaslip.
04:46I now pronounce you man and wife.
04:48And that's how Birdy Croaker had a yank for a husband.
04:50From Boise, Idaho.
04:52And what happened to Ned?
04:54Well, he ran straight out of the church down to the metal bridge and threw himself in the river.
04:57Merciful God.
04:59It was June, should there wasn't a drop of water in the river.
05:02So he went off to become a priest instead.
05:03I tell you something, lads, this best man racket is an awful business.
05:08One slip of the tongue and you could end up hitched, tighter than pack on us, don't you?
05:12Do you hear that, Timmy?
05:13I do.
05:14I do.
05:15You loother, you.
05:16We're not listening to one word they said.
05:20How can I get you, Dieter?
05:21I'm here for stag, Jaxie.
05:24Eight o'clock, yes, Timmy?
05:25Right you are, Dieter.
05:27I told you before, there's no stag parties here.
05:30Give it a few more minutes, then we'll be on our way.
05:32Where are we going?
05:33It's a surprise.
05:35Belly, watch out for the camels.
05:38Camels?
05:40Here, look, we'll have one for the road before we go.
05:42What'll you have, Dieter?
05:43No, thank you, Dan.
05:44We must stick to our schedule.
05:45Yeah, he'll have a pint.
05:46I really think we should be going.
05:49Speaking of going, I better go strain those buds.
05:55Well, we're in trouble now.
05:57Oh, my favourite part of the head night, meeting the stag night of you.
06:04How are you, boys?
06:05I am not in the habit of repeating myself, but I don't think it's a good idea for us ladies to be seen cavorting in a public house.
06:15Ah, lighten up, will you?
06:18How's my best man?
06:24Catherine.
06:25Dieter.
06:26You are dressed as nurse, yes?
06:29Yes, it was Nurse Maloney's idea.
06:31You see, it's a tradition to dress up the bride.
06:34Oh, I understand.
06:36I think...
06:37You know, there are lots of stag party traditions, too.
06:40Ah, yes.
06:41In Germany, we put on Lederhosen, and we yodel till our throats are sore.
06:46Some men around here take all their clothes off and get involved with camels.
06:50Isn't that gas?
06:52Camels?
06:52Or go lap dancing, or hire a strip of grams.
06:56Strip of...
06:57Grams.
06:58Silly tarts dressed as nuns, or schoolgirls, or nurses.
07:02Nurses?
07:04Dieter, you wouldn't do anything stupid, would you?
07:07Tonight, or in general?
07:09Tonight!
07:10No.
07:11Good.
07:12I mean, I know you're a different.
07:15Different?
07:15Yes.
07:16That's why I love you.
07:19Don't disappoint me!
07:25Jaxi!
07:26There you are, Pat.
07:27The many buses outside by the way I'm waiting for you.
07:33Come on, lads.
07:34Taxi's here!
07:35I am not in the habit of repeating myself.
07:37But I think we should be going, too.
07:40Keep your knickers on.
07:42Merciful gods!
07:44They're gonna stop your moaning and offer it up!
07:48See you, Jaxi!
07:49Put it away, Jaxi!
08:01Till later.
08:04This our van, is it?
08:05Jump in, Baz!
08:06Where'd you have?
08:07Did I miss anything?
08:08Just in time, Father.
08:09Start with that bus!
08:17She walked right there a minute ago.
08:18Why couldn't you get the minibus?
08:20First Maloney booked it weeks ago.
08:22Loader!
08:23Isn't this gas?
08:25Tis, man!
08:28At least we're all together.
08:31Loader!
08:32Who's here, Father?
08:42Please tell me these girls are not from our parish.
08:45Fuckers, Father.
08:46In's yet.
08:46Tell you what.
08:47Think I'll have an early night, okay?
08:49You guys go ahead.
08:50Enjoy yourselves.
08:51Suit yourself, Father.
08:54Right.
08:54Come on, Jaxi.
09:08For God's sake.
09:09Them's are the rules.
09:10No stag parties.
09:12Ah, Jaxi.
09:13Rules are rules.
09:14Come on, Jaxi.
09:15A stealer's big night out.
09:17You should have thought of that for you and tearing out of here to go spend your money beyond
09:20in Bali.
09:21What, you were in here like this most nights?
09:22But most nights you're not a stag party.
09:24Oh, come on, Jaxi.
09:25Just throw in a couple of pints, will you?
09:27Rules are rules.
09:30Do Terminator again.
09:38To that lady.
09:41H-D-A.
09:43I can't take much more of that.
09:45Me neither.
09:46Oh, you little duck.
09:49Quick, quick, quick.
09:52What, what, what?
09:54I can't take much more of that.
09:56Yes.
09:5822.
09:59Whose idea was this anyway?
10:01Half.
10:02Hors.
10:03And we have a winner.
10:07Not exactly the full Monty's.
10:09Mrs. Diffoni.
10:13It wasn't he.
10:14Unbelievable.
10:27No, doesn't fit.
10:30No, this is unbelievable.
10:32A packed pub and no drink?
10:33I told you before, no shtag parties.
10:36Unbelievable.
10:40Ladies?
10:41Where?
10:42Toilet, where's the toilet?
10:43I told you before, it's over 25s in here.
10:46Where's the jacks?
10:47Zatfey.
10:52Did a young man come in here?
10:54Definitely.
10:56It's like murder, she wrote.
10:58I bet if Jessica was here, she'd get a pint.
11:00Well, good old Jessica, eh?
11:04I'm charging you with disturbing the peace.
11:06You have the right to remain silent,
11:08but being a young man, it's unlikely that you will.
11:10This is victimisation.
11:12Oh, it's hard to know too.
11:13Come in, Dick.
11:14Over.
11:15This is Dick.
11:16Go ahead.
11:17Have you the squad car, Dick?
11:18Over.
11:19Just parked outside Jacksie's.
11:20Just gone past me with two peculiar looking schoolgirls driving.
11:23What the fuckers?
11:24I'll be back.
11:25I am Dieter.
11:26Right.
11:27And you are?
11:28In big trouble.
11:29Especially when my mother finds out.
11:30Try a few pints on Jacksie like a good man.
11:31How often I told you, there's no stag parties.
11:33So how can it be a stag party when there's a girl here?
11:34All right, so.
11:35Look, I need to spend a penny.
11:36Pardon?
11:37A penny, I need to spend a penny.
11:38I don't think so as much of a penny.
11:39But if you need some money, I...
11:40Look, I need a riddle.
11:41A piece of money.
11:42Look, I need to spend a penny.
11:43Pardon?
11:44A penny?
11:45I need to spend a penny.
11:46I don't think so as much of a penny.
11:48But if you need some money, I can...
11:49Look, I need a riddle, a pea.
11:50What about Dick?
11:51Excuse me?
11:52Can't it wait until Sergeant Dick comes back with the keys?
11:53No!
11:54You see, I am engaged to be married.
11:55I need to pee now.
11:56I need to pee now.
11:57Shadalee!
11:58Shadalee!
11:59Shadalee!
12:00Shadalee!
12:01Shadalee!
12:02Shadalee!
12:03Shadalee!
12:04Shadalee!
12:05Shadalee!
12:06Shadalee!
12:07Shadalee!
12:08Shadalee!
12:09Shadalee!
12:10Shadalee!
12:11Shadalee!
12:12I need to spend a penny!
12:13I don't think so as much of a penny!
12:15But if you need some money, I can...
12:16Look, I need a riddle, a pee!
12:17What about Dick?
12:18Excuse me?
12:19Can't it wait until Sergeant Dick comes back with the keys?
12:20No!
12:21You see, I am engaged to be married.
12:22I need to pee.
12:23Now!
12:24Shadalee!
12:25I am not in the habit of repeating myself well, don't bother so
12:46Look if you think I'm doing it with the door open you've got another thing coming
12:50Yes, but yes, but what my fiance will isn't here now the sooner you shut up and let me get on
12:55With this the sooner we'll both be out of here. Yes. Yes. Yes. It's come here. Yeah, you just
13:01Now look away stop listening
13:16I love a Jack Daniels Jack see do you should for you greatly? Oh
13:20Something long and smooth jack see what's the bride having?
13:24I'm just going to nip to the loo jack see I can't you?
13:29What will the dragon lady have get her a small sherry jack see how's the stag going to me fine?
13:37I have to say this is a very awkward position for me relax. It'll be over in a minute
13:50What's going on in there this one's occupied I
13:53I can see that I'm not young lady in the habit of repeating myself, but what is going on there keep your knickers on
14:05I could say the same for you
14:07I could say the same for you
14:08I could say the same for you
14:12Oh
14:14Oh
14:16Catherine
14:17How is hen going?
14:19Ye dirty
14:22Dirty apples
14:23Catherine
14:25Catherine what can I get you?
14:27You can get me as far away from that bastard as possible
14:34Catherine! Catherine!
14:38Now this is what I call a head party
14:42Bastard
14:55Here
14:57Bastard
14:59Suppose the last thing you want to hear now is I told you so
15:03Yes
15:04I did tell you so
15:05But I thought he was different
15:06He is different, that's the problem, he's a foreigner
15:09Do you believe in love at first sight?
15:11From the moment he appeared at that window I really thought he was the one for me
15:17Last night I discovered he was Mr. Completely Average
15:21You needed someone with compassion, someone gentle and kind
15:24Sir, Sir!
15:26What Clancy?
15:27Fetter his nose is pumping, I think it's broke
15:28Well tell him stick a hanky open and stop being such a sissy
15:29Where was I?
15:30All I want to know father is how to get her back
15:47Well that's understandable, let's see um
15:51You could let the air out of her tires
15:54Or um, give all her clothes away to charity
15:57No father, I just want to get her back in my life
16:00All right, well um, needless to say I don't have a lot of experience with women
16:05But on occasions like this I always think it's a good idea
16:09To try and see things from the woman's point of view
16:12Sure if nothing else you get a good laugh, you know
16:15Last night she made me sleep on the couch
16:18Well all in all that's not a bad thing, Dieter
16:21It was our first night not sleeping together since we met
16:25Despite what they say, you can actually get too much of a good thing
16:32I mean no no, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that Catherine's a good thing
16:36No no no, no no, she's a good thing, she is a good thing, she's a good thing
16:41Of course she is, anyone can see that, a blind man, a blind man
16:44But you could get too much of her
16:47Well you know, I couldn't, but you could
16:51And strictly speaking until the big day and the big night
16:55You shouldn't really be getting much of anything
16:57Do you follow me, Dieter?
16:59No, I just want to know how to get Catherine back
17:04Well you know, I'm fit if I know
17:06Off? Off
17:09Slightly off, or completely off?
17:12Oh completely off, according to the nurse Maloney
17:15She flung the ring at him outside the chemist's
17:17Well that's a few bob saves anyway
17:19No, Dieter said it fell down a drain and he doesn't want it back anyway
17:23Noodle
17:25I used to be out of the house before she saw him from school today
17:27And where's he going to stay?
17:29The cheese van
17:31Mother of God
17:33Cheese, release me, let me go
17:38Oh
17:52Scheisse
18:01Thanks for coming with me, Mrs Gunholy
18:03I'm not sure I could have faced the house on my own
18:05Don't mention it.
18:06Us girls have to stick together.
18:11No, catch him! He's gone away!
18:15Now, you stay there, dear.
18:17I'll make sure he's gone.
18:35Tom!
18:49Oh my God!
18:50Oh my God!
18:52Oh my God!
18:57I don't know.
19:27I knew it.
19:42Holy mother of God.
19:46Get into the car.
19:47Get into the car.
19:48Go.
19:49Go.
19:50Hello, ladies.
19:53You're all perverts.
19:55Willen, what's going on here?
20:10Willen, what's going on here?
20:11Willen, what's going on here?
20:17Go.
20:22Go.
20:24Go.
20:25Go.
20:55Pa, some of us are trying to sleep, you know.
21:04Sorry, Pa.
21:19God help us, Dieter, you mustn't have got a wink.
21:22Wink?
21:23What is a wink?
21:25Sleep, Dieter.
21:26You couldn't have got much in that cold van.
21:29It was hard.
21:30Oh, I bet it was.
21:32You should have called me.
21:34Here, get that inside you.
21:36As the actress said to the bishop.
21:38How is Catherine?
21:40Very upset, Dieter.
21:42I know.
21:44I brought her flowers the other day, but she wouldn't see me.
21:47Flowers?
21:48What good are flowers?
21:50If you want to win Catherine back, Dieter, you need a gesture.
21:54Gesture?
21:55Yes.
21:56All women love gestures.
22:04Catherine, I made you this.
22:05Oh, thanks, Mr. Cantwell.
22:08I think at this stage you could call me Louie.
22:10Louie.
22:12I got you a wagon wheel.
22:14Oh, thanks.
22:16I ate half of it.
22:17They're very big.
22:18Right.
22:19Catherine, do you ever think you could see me as anything other than a work colleague?
22:25Well, if you stick at it, you might make principal one of the days.
22:28I don't mean at school.
22:30Oh.
22:31When you look at me, what are you thinking?
22:34I'm thinking, why aren't you out in your duty?
22:37When I look at you, I'm thinking there's a woman I want to get closer to.
22:42To be honest, Mr. Cantwell...
22:44Louie.
22:45Louie.
22:46You couldn't get any closer.
22:48Isn't love a funny thing?
22:50Oh, it's hilarious.
22:52Maybe Dieter getting off of that slapper was all for the best.
22:55I don't think so.
22:57Catherine, I can fill the gap that Dieter left.
23:00There aren't any gaps.
23:02Women always have gaps.
23:04Oh, Catherine.
23:06Louie.
23:07Louie.
23:08Louie.
23:32Oh, Dieter.
23:38Louie.
23:39Pardon me.
23:41Yeah!
23:42Woo!
23:51Au revoir, Cantwell!
23:57Okay.
24:08I said, don't you, sir?
24:27I said, don't you, sir?
24:38I said, don't you, sir?
25:08I said, don't you, sir?