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00:00The
00:30It's the same every year.
00:50What's that, Dan?
00:51I'm just saying, Jaxie, it's the same every year.
00:54Timmy and Jimmy, the looters.
00:56I said half ten for eleven.
00:58We're supposed to be in Bali by twelve, and it's twenty to now.
01:01If there's one tear I can't stand, Jaxie, then that's punctuality.
01:04You're right there, Dan.
01:07East.
01:08That's Tim now.
01:11Blast it.
01:12I'll have to turn the york off.
01:14Why do they have to switch it off?
01:15The staff to york in that massey is banjaxed.
01:17What does that mean?
01:18That whole york of Jimmy's has to be primed with a feckin' hammer.
01:23How the men?
01:24How's Jaxie?
01:26What time is this?
01:27Christmas time.
01:29I said half ten for eleven.
01:30It's twenty to twelve now.
01:32We said half eleven for twelve.
01:34I distinctly remember saying half ten for eleven.
01:37I could have sworn it was half eleven for twelve.
01:39I thought we said twelve for half past.
01:42Do we try for a quick pint?
01:43A pint?
01:44Should there won't be a blessed article left in the shops if we don't hit the road?
01:47Should we chance one?
01:49Should I pay for it?
01:50Right.
01:51One only, mind.
01:52Ah, yeah.
01:53I'm hanging for a pint.
01:54Oh, no drink for you.
01:57Huh?
01:57You're the dedicated driver.
01:59What does that mean?
02:01That means a fizzy mineral for you.
02:02Jaxie, throw him out a bottle of orange and a plain bar of chocolate there like a good man.
02:06Here's the keys.
02:07Is this the nativity?
02:14But sure, they're all there.
02:15Mary, Joseph, the camel and the...
02:18What's his name?
02:19The baby.
02:20Jesus.
02:21That's the fella.
02:22They're too small, Dick.
02:23You said six inches.
02:25I said six feet.
02:26It's for the church yard below.
02:28Are we to be the only parish in the county that doesn't have a nativity?
02:31No, we can't have that.
02:32Too bloody right we can't.
02:33You faggart have theirs up since Halloween.
02:36My ganny have a six foot child that lights up when you clap.
02:39And the crowd below in Bally have an inflatable camel with three wise men on a social employment scheme.
02:44Wise men?
02:45That's a force for them.
02:46What does Kilna Scully have, huh?
02:48Six feckin' figurines.
02:50Look, I'll do the best I can do, but there's only three days to Christmas.
02:53All right.
02:54I'll keep looking myself.
02:56Last Christmas, you see, he gave her his heart.
02:59And the very next day, didn't she give it away?
03:01No.
03:02So this year, to save him from tears, he's going to give it to someone special.
03:07That's good.
03:08That is good.
03:09Eh?
03:10What's your favourite, Timmy?
03:11I saw Mammy Kissing Santa Claus.
03:16What was this, Timmy?
03:17It's a song.
03:19Oh, is it?
03:20It is.
03:21For me, it would have to be White Christmas, Bing Crosby, 1942 from the film Holiday Inn.
03:27That was the biggest selling record of all time, you know.
03:29Do they know it's Christmas?
03:31Do who know it's Christmas?
03:32Do they know it's Christmas is the biggest selling record of all time?
03:35It is not, you loo, do you?
03:37It is.
03:38Bing Crosby and White Christmas.
03:40What about you, Jaxie?
03:41It'll be a toss-up between Rudolph.
03:43That's a good one.
03:44And Santa Claus is coming to town.
03:46Here.
03:46Speaking of town.
03:48We'd better hit the road or there won't be a blessed article left in the shops.
03:53Throw them into you, lads.
03:54Come on, let's head.
03:56See you later, Jaxie.
03:57Doors belong to your money in the one shop.
03:59Maddie, here we come.
04:02Jaxie.
04:03I forgot the keys.
04:06Throw one up there, Will.
04:07Go on, go on.
04:08Flake.
04:09Go on.
04:10Go on.
04:10Go on.
04:11I'll help, Maddie.
04:12Kill the Scully Christmas Decorations.
04:22And Garda Station.
04:25What is it now, Father?
04:28A lamb?
04:29What class of a lamb?
04:32Right, Father, I'll drop over.
04:37What am I now?
04:38A shepherd?
04:42Mr. Jaxie.
04:57That's the third time that thickening has gone down on me.
04:59I have these prizes for the raffle.
05:01Garetti told me to drop them here.
05:03Put them in the storeroom, Dieter.
05:04A good man.
05:04Hi.
05:12Well?
05:13Do you have rooms?
05:15Function rooms, there.
05:16Bedrooms.
05:17This is a respectable house.
05:19Is there a hotel nearby?
05:21My Ghani Lodge is 23 miles that way.
05:24And Dumaldi Castle is 34, the other way.
05:27Isn't there anywhere near?
05:28There is the Mount Bernadette.
05:30It is a guest house just up the road.
05:32Fair play.
05:33Thanks.
05:39Happy Christmas!
05:40Happy Christmas!
05:42Let's hope so.
05:49Today, Jaxie, you are having three big stools.
05:52What?
05:53Three empty stools.
05:54Where are...
05:55Dan, Jimmy and Timmy.
05:57They're going into Bali for their annual Christmas shopping spree.
05:59Oh, I see.
06:01The question is, Dieter, whether a kid in a Scully can survive with those three wise men.
06:05Who?
06:05Dan, Jimmy and Timmy.
06:07Oh, you are making a joke, yeah?
06:10It's very funny.
06:13Three men walk into the beer house.
06:15What's that?
06:16Three men walk into the beer house.
06:18No, not here.
06:20Where?
06:20A beer house.
06:21Three men.
06:22What men?
06:23In the beer house.
06:42The first man says, I will have a Stein of beer, please.
06:45Stein?
06:46It is like a big glass.
06:48I only have pint glasses.
06:49No, not here.
06:50In the beer house.
06:51Dieter, what are you on about?
06:52For me now, it would have to be It's a Wonderful Life.
06:59Jimmy Stewart, 1946.
07:01What's that about, Matt?
07:03It's a sentimental tale of Stewart who works all his life trying to make good in a small town.
07:08Thinks he's failed, only to be brought back from the brink by...
07:11A guardian angel.
07:13By a guardian angel.
07:16Ah, that's a good one, all right.
07:18I like Willy Wonka.
07:20Willy Wonka?
07:21Yeah, my darling.
07:24Willy Wonka's good.
07:26Them Oompa Loompas have the world of clever riddles.
07:29They'd be great men at a table quiz or a crossword.
07:32Oh, they would?
07:33They would.
07:37Shit.
07:39Loader, loader, yeah.
07:40Didn't I tell you to go before you left Jackseys?
07:44Deluder.
07:45We've a point why we're here.
07:47There won't be a blessed article left in the shops.
07:49Yeah, I'm sure you can't strain the spuds or at least throwing a few bob over the counter.
07:52Well, that's fair enough.
07:54Worst.
07:55I would take your time, will you?
07:56Take your time.
07:56I can't take my time.
07:57I can't hold it anymore.
07:58You should have told that before you left Jackseys.
08:01Miracle on 42nd Street is a great film.
08:04You mean Miracle on 44th Street?
08:07You're about ten blocks out.
08:09It's Miracle on 34th Street.
08:11Black and White, 1947.
08:12Marlene O'Hara and Edmund Gwynn.
08:15You're the men, then.
08:16Huh?
08:19Hold them in.
08:21Hold the boys.
08:32Oh, Tannenbaum, oh, Tannenbaum, with faithful deeds unchanging.
08:40Not only green in summer's heat, but also winter, snow and sleet.
08:51Oh, Tannenbaum, oh, Tannenbaum, with faithful deeds unchanging.
09:00Mr Cantwell?
09:02Is there any chance you can up the volume on this racket, could you?
09:06There's two at the front of my class still can hear me.
09:08It's not a racket, Mr Cantwell, it's a German carol.
09:12Is it?
09:13We're off carol singing this evening, aren't we, Poshty?
09:15Yes, Miss.
09:16And we don't want to let the school down, do we, Poshty?
09:19No, Miss.
09:21Well, we wish Mr Cantwell a happy Christmas, Poshty.
09:23Happy Christmas, Mr Cantwell.
09:27I suppose Baron Munchausen syndrome will be there.
09:30If you mean Dieter, Mr Cantwell, then yes, he's going to sing with us.
09:33Miss Fahey, are you going to marry Dieter?
09:35Now, Kylie, you know that's a silly question.
09:38But are you?
09:39Kylie!
09:39Yes, Mr Cantwell?
09:41You used to have a dog one time, didn't you?
09:42I have a dog, Fluffy.
09:44Yeah, well, your mother rang a while ago.
09:46Fluffy had a bit of a runny with a rose of a son.
09:51What's the Irish for mangled, Miss Fahey?
09:57How will you lighten up, will you, Kylie?
09:59It's only an old joke.
10:03Happy Christmas to you.
10:06He just wandered in.
10:08And where do you think he went?
10:10Straight over to St Francis.
10:12Now, that's a sign.
10:13A sign?
10:14Oh, yeah.
10:15It's a sign, all right.
10:16It's a sign that some idiot left the gate open.
10:19What do you want me to do to him?
10:21I'll find out who owns him.
10:22There you go.
10:23I'll see if I have a number for little Bo Peep.
10:28Happy Christmas, Sergeant.
10:31I suppose so.
10:34Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
10:36Yeah, how many times have I to tell you?
10:38I'm looking for a baby Jesus, a Mary and a Joseph.
10:42Yeah, I know what day it is.
10:43It's the day before Christmas.
10:44And I also have to get three wise men and a camel.
10:46Although at this stage I'd settle for three feckin' aegis and an elephant.
10:50Yeah, all right, yeah.
10:51Just see what you can do.
10:53Oh, my God.
10:59What?
11:01Could I have the vol-au-vents, please?
11:03The what?
11:04The vol-au-vents.
11:05Give me that.
11:15Where did you get that?
11:16It was just on the floor.
11:17Put it back where you found it, good man.
11:19Stick it underneath the leg of the table.
11:20Look, do you have food?
11:21Yeah.
11:22Potato and Pink Snacks.
11:23Two coffees.
11:29Hello again.
11:32You've been busy.
11:33Pardon me.
11:34I'm saying you've been busy.
11:36Use it or lose it, as they say.
11:39When are you due?
11:42Last week.
11:43Oh, good heavens.
11:44Well, better out than in.
11:46Like a bad tenant.
11:48As the actress said to the gynaecologist.
11:51What gynaecologist?
11:52Any gynaecologist, aren't they all the same?
11:54Prodding and poking.
12:02There they are, three lads.
12:03Bound to be lucky.
12:04How much are they?
12:0550 cent each or two euro for a strip of three.
12:07How much is one each?
12:08150.
12:10We'll have one each.
12:11Get your thieving hands off the answers.
12:13One two, one two, one two.
12:15We're having the annual Christmas once a year raffle.
12:18This is it, lads.
12:20What are the prizes?
12:21What are the prizes?
12:27Now, will you shut up, lads?
12:28Now, the prizes are a gold pen, Frankenstein, and a bathroom mirror.
12:42The gold pen goes to, it's a buff colour ticket, and the number is, we hope it's not
12:49an emergency.
12:50Nine, nine, nine.
12:53Here!
12:54Good round, Dan!
12:59A winner, all right.
13:00A winner, all right.
13:04Now, Frankenstein, the film goes to?
13:06Get him this time, lads.
13:07It's a buff colour ticket, and the number is, one, oh, oh, oh.
13:12I had 997, thank it.
13:14Here!
13:15Here!
13:16Come on!
13:19Kill us, gully!
13:20Ah!
13:21Sorry, you lads.
13:22The next one's out.
13:23It better me!
13:24It better me!
13:25God, if this keeps up, we won't have to do any Christmas shopping!
13:31It was!
13:33And so I said to him, you can switch off your siren and roll up your hose, because fire
13:38or no fire, that's a double yellow line.
13:42I suppose if it wasn't the minister's house, I'd still be stationed above in Dublin.
13:47If it wasn't Christmas, you'd be in a casserole by now.
13:53Ah, lads, lads, it's Christmas.
13:56There's no call for that.
13:57Now settle down.
13:59Now, the last prize, the bathroom mirror.
14:02It's a lovely mirror.
14:03It's a lovely mirror.
14:04I have a promise to the sister.
14:05Come on, Timmy now.
14:06Come on, this is yours now.
14:07Come on.
14:08Quiet, lads, quiet.
14:09It's a buff colour ticket, and the number is, nine, nine, eight.
14:16House!
14:17Come on, Timmy, boy!
14:20Come on, Timmy, boy!
14:26Come on, Timmy, boy!
14:29Come on, kill this guddy!
14:34Oh, olde!
14:36How'd it look, lad?
14:37Oh, olde!
14:39Hey, lads!
14:41Come on!
14:42Come on, come on, will you.
14:47Come on.
14:51You forgot the hammer, you lood, will you?
15:00Give it to me, you lood, will you?
15:08Come on, you people, get down, will you?
15:12Come on, come on.
15:18Come on, come on again.
15:19I'll have surprises for you.
15:22Oh, jeez, Gus.
15:24Do you expect it all, man?
15:26I'll kill you, come out of it.
15:28I'll kill you, come on, I've got it.
15:30Come on, I've got it.
15:34Oh, a giant crib, is it?
15:36Well, do you know what, boss?
15:38I mean, after selling the last one of you there a few minutes ago.
15:41Yeah, to Larry Cummins, belong to Kilpuckard.
15:42Well, George, you should have rang me earlier about it.
15:45Oh, yeah.
15:46It was a real thing, all right.
15:48Yeah, yeah.
15:49That's as vicious as real.
15:50Oh, I unrailed up, boss.
15:51Unrailed.
15:52Unrailed.
15:53Should have come and moved there when you pulled his tail.
15:55Is there anything you can do for me at all, Pa?
15:57No, there's nothing I can do for you there.
15:58Sorry, boss.
15:59Have you fixed for a few flarey lights?
16:01Pull her over.
16:03Pull her over, will you?
16:05Pull her over, will you?
16:06What's wrong, Pat?
16:08This clown isn't driving around in circles.
16:10Must have been up and down here about four times already.
16:13Then you're scullies that way, you looter.
16:15It's not stopping.
16:16How do you make that out, then?
16:18It's not happening after coming down that way.
16:20And it's straight-handed up that way.
16:22Down to the left.
16:24We didn't come that way.
16:25We came that way.
16:29Looter.
16:30Will you drive on?
16:31What on earth?
16:32Drive it on, will you?
16:33What?
16:34Drive it on, you snow.
16:35Not only green in summer's heat, but also winter.
16:44Now, there's nothing like Christmas carols to put you in a good humour, huh?
16:48Are you finished with that?
16:49Yeah.
16:50Do you want anything else?
16:51No, I'm grand, thanks, Jack.
16:52I'm grand.
16:53Right.
16:54Ah, cheater.
16:55Lovely, lovely.
16:56What time is the Christmas raffle?
16:58Whenever the three wise men arrive.
17:00Wise men?
17:01Dan, Timmy and Jimmy.
17:02Oh, yes.
17:03Very good, very good.
17:04What'll it be, these are?
17:05Six Fanta, three seven up, eleven coke, four diet coke.
17:10And a partridge in a pear tree, huh?
17:12No, twenty-three packets of potatoes.
17:16Joe.
17:17I think it's now.
17:19The baby?
17:20Yes!
17:21My wife's having a baby.
17:23So won't that be lovely?
17:24She's having it now.
17:26Goodnight now, God bless.
17:27Stay there, Father, I think I might need you, yes.
17:29You're okay, you're okay.
17:30The baby is coming.
17:31Holy God, not here.
17:33I know nothing about birth and babies.
17:35Help me!
17:36No, no, no.
17:37She can't have it in the bar.
17:39What about the store room?
17:40Alright, I'll take her into the store room, then.
17:42Okay, I'll go to the store room.
17:44In this way, over in the store room.
17:46It's easy.
17:48Well, isn't this a lovely Christmas present?
17:50Someone will help me get Sargent your tool.
17:52Quick!
17:53I'll go.
17:55It's down that way.
17:57Are you sure I wasn't pointing that way?
17:59No, sure the flat duff is that way.
18:01Kill the tully has to be that way.
18:03Are you sure?
18:05Yeah.
18:08There's Jacksy's there, is it?
18:10Where?
18:11Over there.
18:12Here, give me your phone.
18:14Huh?
18:15Just give me your phone.
18:16Hello, Jacksy.
18:17Yeah.
18:18Could you turn on the Christmas lights?
18:19Yeah, the fairy lights in the pub.
18:20Could you turn them on like a good man?
18:21Calm down, calm down.
18:22Just turn on the lights.
18:23Oh, God, he's having a conniption, huh?
18:25Huh?
18:26You'd swear he was having a baby or something.
18:27I think that's it, you know.
18:28Where?
18:29Where?
18:30Down there.
18:31Keep your eyes peeled, right?
18:32Huh?
18:33Oh, there's a light there, all right?
18:34It's flickering, isn't it?
18:35Yeah, yeah.
18:36Huh?
18:37Going on and off.
18:38What in the name of God is that at all?
18:40Well, he's having trouble with them lights, you know.
18:41It was always a bit wonky.
18:42There's something there, all right?
18:43I think it's a care.
18:44You're right, aren't you?
18:45You're right, all right?
18:46I think it's a care.
18:47I think it's, you're right.
18:48No, wait a minute, you know.
18:49I think it is.
18:51Dan, will you stop him?
18:52You're right, you know.
18:53Are we alright?
18:54What's up?
18:55What's up...
18:56What's up?
18:57Get up!
18:58I think it's a care.
19:00Is it a care?
19:01And I'm not going to sleep.
19:02No, you're still waiting.
19:07Dan...
19:08Be brave?
19:09You're right, you know.
19:10Dan!
19:11How are we all right?
19:12You looter, you looter.
19:20Take him away, fellas.
19:23Take him away, fellas.
19:27You pay for this, Savage!
19:29I don't think so. I'm Detective Sam Savage. Undercover.
19:42I'm Detective Sam Savage. Undercover.
19:57Is Sergeant O'Toole here?
19:59Ah, Dether.
20:01Sergeant Deak, you must come to Jaxys at once.
20:04Very kind of you, Dether, but not while I'm on duty.
20:08The integrity of the Gardashy economy must be maintained at all times.
20:11But as a baby.
20:13A baby?
20:14Yes. This night a child is born. In Jaxys.
20:18Come on.
20:30Here, Father. Have that.
20:33What is it?
20:34Granny.
20:35Right.
20:36Oh.
20:37That'll be 980.
20:38What?
20:39It's a girl.
20:40A girl?
20:41Are you sure?
20:42I think at this stage I'd know the difference, Father.
20:43I think at this stage I'd know the difference, Father.
20:44It's a girl.
20:45It's a girl.
20:46Isn't that a lovely friend?
20:47Yeah.
20:48It's a lovely friend.
20:49Yeah.
20:50Yeah.
20:51Yeah.
20:52Yeah.
20:53Yeah.
20:54Yeah.
20:55Yeah.
20:56Yeah.
20:57Yeah.
20:58Yeah.
20:59Yeah.
21:00Yeah.
21:01Yeah.
21:02Yeah.
21:03Yeah.
21:04It's a girl.
21:05A girl?
21:06Are you sure?
21:07I think at this stage I'd know the difference, Father.
21:10It's a girl.
21:11It's a girl.
21:12It's a lovely present.
21:13Yeah.
21:14Lovely present.
21:15Yeah.
21:16Lovely present.
21:17Yeah.
21:18Here I am.
21:19Here I am.
21:26Where did the incident take place?
21:28In the storeroom.
21:32Oh, girls, isn't she just beautiful?
21:35Yeah.
21:36A real miracle.
21:40What a lovely girl.
21:43I don't care what you have to feckin' do.
21:45Just get me a giant crib.
21:46Yeah, I'd pay whatever it takes.
21:48But I'd be damned if Killin' a Scully's the only parish in the county that doesn't have a nativity scene.
21:56Hey.
21:57That's a turn up for the books, huh?
21:59Isn't she a beautiful baby?
22:02Well, fair play to Goretti.
22:03I didn't know you had it in you.
22:05I didn't.
22:06She did.
22:07Oh!
22:12Any chance of a pint, Jexy?
22:13Well, considering the day that's it is, there's a round on the house.
22:16There's only one now, mind you.
22:18What?
22:19Happy Christmas to you, too.
22:24Happy Christmas to you, too.
22:27of the ancient hewtide carol, fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la.
22:34See the blazing hue before us, fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.
22:41Strike the harp and join the chorus, fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la.
22:48Follow me in merry measure, fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
22:55Why I tell of you type treasure, fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la.
23:25Ready?
23:26Yeah?
23:27Yeah?
23:28Yeah?
23:29Yeah, yeah.
23:30Yeah?
23:31Yeah?
23:32Yeah?
23:33Yeah?
23:34Yeah?