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Shot and Produced by @kiwimcmc on Instagram
Edited by @mattcandless on Twitter
Thumbnail by @makoofx on Twitter
Little Grapes fellas by @molzysketch on Twitter
Listen to my music: https://jamesmarriott.ffm.to/idwtllt
Secret: https://jamesmarriott.ffm.to/toothache
Second Channel: @jamesmoreiott
Music Channel: @JamesMarriottOfficial
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/14apS9tKI3K30GK92BNQUL?si=wfA778niSeiClbVj02mnqg
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NewsTranscript
00:00This is just not good enough.
00:06I want better croissants.
00:07Where can we go, Sam?
00:08Paris.
00:09It's Paris video, baby!
00:10So here we are in Paris, and it's nice to know that even in Paris,
00:39it's still water.
00:44Off to the first bakery, which I believe is a bakery production.
00:52So we're going to go to Mimiche now, so after you.
00:56Fuck, I'm going to kill the man who's behind that.
00:58We have created the perfect map of Paris for people to come here for one day and try the
01:04biggest array of sweet treats that you possibly can.
01:08And each little cafe has something unique to it, so let's pop it.
01:26Let's see if it's a scrat or a bat, or what would we say here, mange, minge?
01:32Let's see.
01:38They've won this many awards so far, we'll see if they are going to add the James Barry
01:44seal of approval.
01:45So we're coming here for the croissant, but we're also coming here for that sweet delicacy,
01:50the babka.
01:51They were very sweet in there, very forthcoming.
01:54They did just speak to us in English, which was lovely.
01:57So we are going to start with the croissant, which already just has a bit more structure
02:00to it than the one we had at Pret-a-Manger this morning.
02:04Did you see the life come into me there?
02:09It's the butter.
02:10That is wonderful.
02:11Oh.
02:12Yeah, sorry.
02:13I'm going to move out the way.
02:14I came to look at a closed building.
02:22Yeah.
02:23Unbelievable.
02:24Scran.
02:25I know today is a scran or bat episode.
02:26I feel like we're going to like all of it.
02:28And then the second thing is a babka, which is a Polish treat.
02:31It's more of like a cake, like a dense sponge cake with a bit more of a hardy exterior.
02:35I've got to give something a ban.
02:36So it feels good that we can give something a ban at the beginning.
02:38Ban.
02:39But Mimisza overall, the croissants, the service, lovely.
02:48Next up, we're heading to Maison Louvert, which is the spot, apparently, that does the
02:52croissant cookie, which is a cookie filled croissant.
02:55Anyway, it's over there.
02:56So we're going to go there now.
03:10So it's kind of like a cookie that's just been melted into a croissant.
03:15What do they call it?
03:16Cookson?
03:17What was it?
03:18What was it?
03:19A cookie.
03:20Like me when I rob a bank.
03:21Cookie.
03:23Great thing.
03:24Croissant.
03:25Great thing.
03:26I don't think it's necessary.
03:27It's not bitching.
03:28Ban.
03:29But I'll tell you what is bitching.
03:30It's today's sponsor, which is cool shirts, which you can see in this video that I'm wearing.
03:35And I'll be wearing it for the whole video because I love their clothes.
03:38I must look insane wearing just a t-shirt out and about in Paris, but with clothes this
03:43comfortable, it's not even difficult.
03:45You can literally see my breath.
03:46Now guys, I know what you're thinking.
03:49Is it Paris fashion week?
03:50Why is James Marriott so dripped up all the time?
03:55Well, fear not.
03:56I have not suddenly become fashionable.
03:58I've just been sponsored by cool shirts again for the second time.
04:02The first time was so nice, I had to do it twice.
04:04And who else would I bring to Paris with me?
04:06Which means this wonderful shirt was provided to me by cool shirts.
04:09It's tactile with some lovely print on it.
04:12Touch that.
04:13Touch that.
04:14Touch it.
04:15Touch it.
04:16It feels good, doesn't it?
04:18And it's also oddly very threatening, which gives off the non-approachable vibes that
04:22I'm trying to put out into the world.
04:23It says incomprehensible violence, but you wouldn't know that unless you're like really
04:27looking.
04:28So if you want some clothes that are a little bit outside of the box, go to shirts.cool.
04:32You can also scan the QR code on screen and take a look at some of their shirts from their
04:35recent range.
04:36They sent me a couple more and a bunch of stickers, which I plan to put up in different
04:40parts of my apartment.
04:41That man's got flowers.
04:42That's so, that's so cute.
04:43I wonder who he's going to give them to.
04:47Maybe the owner of cool shirts and you can have this item and more for 10% off of the
04:51original price.
04:53I'm going to use code James at checkout.
04:54It was going to be my last name, but I know that none of you can spell that.
04:57So as we're slowly but surely getting to spring, try out some more eclectic clothing over at
05:02shirts.cool or by scanning the QR code.
05:05I remember to use code James for 10% off and thank you to cool shirts once again for sponsoring
05:10this video.
05:11I'm now going to put my scarf back on, but anyway, crooky band.
05:14That's two bands so far.
05:15We're going to need to up our game, which is why we're going to the Ritz, which is,
05:22I thought was a cracker.
05:23Supposedly it's also a nice hotel chain, right?
05:25Here we are.
05:26It smells buttery, but like fresh still, but kind of like, it smells like flour in here.
05:31This definitely is the most deluxe feeling.
05:33If this is bad, I'll be very upset.
05:35No, you don't need that.
05:36Put it down, put it down.
05:37No, you don't put it, put it back.
05:42This is the most excited I've been so far.
05:44Funnily enough, when we were ordering, I only ordered one croissant between two people and
05:50she was already like, one?
05:51I was like, yeah, one.
05:52She went up and she was like, do you want a coffee?
05:54I was like, nah.
05:55And I said no so many times that when she asked me if I wanted napkins, I said no.
05:59And so it must've just looked like the two filthiest men in the entirety of Europe rocked
06:04up to the nicest cafe to try their phallic croissant.
06:09So let's get a bite.
06:12I mean this with every ounce of my being, the one we had at Press and Manger this morning
06:16is better than this.
06:18It's crunchy.
06:21That's not what I want from a croissant.
06:23I want the butter to be soft.
06:24I want it to be a succulent experience.
06:27It's just not really a croissant.
06:28I think that's what I'm disappointed by.
06:30It's like eating bread.
06:31This is just like eating a crunchy bread.
06:33It's a ban and I hope the next one tastes better, frankly.
06:40Sam's brought me to Lafayette, which is a venue in London, I thought, but apparently
06:44it's also a shopping center.
06:46Are we going to like McDonald's?
06:48Do they have croissants here?
06:49Either way, we're about to find out.
06:50It's going to be a chain, I'm assuming.
06:53Sam isn't telling me where we're going, but this doesn't look like there's, there's no
06:56cafes because it's, because it's a pastry.
07:00I can't eat this.
07:01I can't, I can't.
07:02Scratch that.
07:03They're fucking rotating.
07:10You must rotate.
07:14So I can't even choose which one I want.
07:15I have to.
07:16Yeah, no, you're right.
07:18Cool.
07:19Yeah.
07:20No, it's clearly, this is the one he wants.
07:21Oh good.
07:22Only 30 euros.
07:23HMRC.
07:24Does this little dude count as a tax write-off?
07:25I'm going to try anyway.
07:27A lovely Irish woman described to us what we have to do in order to get the experience.
07:32It sounds like a lot of effort, but we're going to go through it to get my jelly cat.
07:35Stop.
07:36No.
07:37You're getting distracted again.
07:39Okay, guys, I'm going to be honest.
07:41We came here and I swear to God, when we first arrived, there was no one here and then we
07:45went up to the till and then all of a sudden, just look, like there's like 50 people have
07:50just rocked up and I'm super overwhelmed.
07:52The point is they do a service, but I'm not here to be serviced.
07:54I'm not an automobile.
07:55I want a croissant.
07:56I'm also getting this little eclair.
07:59It's part of the package deal.
08:01Wait, you're taking them as well.
08:03I just spent 60 euros on baked goods that aren't even baked goods that I didn't even
08:07get the experience for because I got a little bit scared.
08:10I'm taking the croissant back.
08:11So I was trying to find the toilet earlier.
08:13Because Sam had already found the toilet and I was like, God, where is it?
08:16Where's the sixth floor?
08:18So we came up here.
08:19Well, I came up here and I think it's really pretty.
08:21So I want you to see it.
08:22This is my first ever time in my life seeing the Eiffel Tower in person and everyone always
08:25says it's disappointing, but I actually think that looks really cool.
08:28Like loads of people will be like, oh, you come to Paris and you'll you'll you'll find
08:32that boring.
08:33But I don't find that boring.
08:34I find that enjoyable.
08:35Anyway, that's all I wanted to show you.
08:36Paris.
08:37We have found ourself in a street which can only be described as tighter than Sam's mother's
08:46arsehole.
08:48And there is that is the cafe we're meant to be going to.
08:51It's boarded up.
08:52There's the Cedric Gullet cafe.
08:53And here's the one we're going to go to instead.
08:56It's called Midore.
08:57Midore is sorry, Midore is open for anyone who who wants to come in and say hello.
09:03I mean, when there's when I'm up, when I am prey and there is a predator near me, CREEP!
09:08Nature!
09:09And it is definitely one of the pan of chocolates I've had in my life.
09:21It's got the pan.
09:22It also has the chocolate.
09:23To it's credit, it is better than the Ritz.
09:25Well, I'm going to give it a Scran for this alone.
09:27I mean, why is the emoji kind of sexy?
09:30Scran.
09:31Scran.
09:32We've decided to go for something a little bit different.
09:40We've been having croissants, croissants and a pan of chocolate.
09:43But this time we're going to go for a pancake.
09:46And also we're aware that this isn't French cuisine, but we're trying to enjoy Paris,
09:50not just France.
09:51Here we are then.
09:52Tomo.
09:53Me and my friend Tom does something dastardly, Tomo.
10:01So it's a dorayaki, which is a, I believe, a Japanese pancake filled with bean paste.
10:05I went for the seasonal one.
10:07It's probably going to be a bit with Paris in mind.
10:11Like look at this beautiful weather we're having.
10:14So we're going to, we're going to try the season one.
10:18I can't establish the flavors.
10:19So I'm going to hold this.
10:20I'm going to go have a look and see if I can translate.
10:30I believe it's apricot.
10:31Sam, you can't just munch away at all of the, I believe it's apricot.
10:39You don't, you don't want it anymore because it's apricot.
10:41Very tasty.
10:42Scram.
10:43We're walking to cafe number seven.
10:45I looked in front of me and I thought I was having a seizure because does it look like
10:48slightly murky behind me?
10:50There's a building there.
10:51It's a glass building, but it doesn't make sense to me.
10:54Like it lines up with the other buildings, but there is a glass building there.
10:58Am I losing my mind?
11:01Let's go get some cake.
11:02We are now here at Le Nestle, which is not to be confused with Nestle.
11:14What are we getting here?
11:15It's not a croissant.
11:16It's a big cake.
11:17It's a big cake.
11:18Yeah, but I can't go up to the till and go, can I have the big cake please?
11:22The hit film Matilda.
11:24You don't need to sing it.
11:25They have the cake from Matilda in there.
11:27Is that what you're trying to say?
11:28It looks kind of like a woman on the phone scoffed at me, but I'm going to actually say
11:33this before we go into Le Nestle.
11:34I have found Parisians to be very nice.
11:37I've not had the experience of like Parisians being dickheads to me.
11:40There is a group of people that are staring at me.
11:43Do you want to be in the video?
11:47Come be in the video.
11:48Come be in the video.
11:49Come be in the video.
11:52Woo.
11:53Paris.
11:54Taiwan.
11:55Taiwan.
11:56England.
11:57So there is a Matilda cake and it's 25 euros.
12:01I'm not paying 25.
12:03Sam, this is the biggest piece of cake I've ever seen in my fucking life.
12:10I'm not paying 25.
12:13My f***ing life
12:15Oh no
12:19It's so big
12:21So this is a sauce that you're meant to melt
12:23You're meant to melt it
12:25This is going to be so
12:31So you were right
12:35Why are you so far away from me
12:37Why are you so far away from me
12:41It's one of the chocolate cakes I've had in my life
12:43Scran, I actually quite like it
12:49I'm so overstimulated
12:51I've never held a cake this big
12:53I am eating it off a bin
12:55Stop pointing out that I'm eating it off a bin
12:57Look at how lovely that cafe looks
12:59What is it selling this
13:01Like man vs food challenge
13:03Eat the medilda cake
13:05Eat the big cake
13:07Thank you
13:09Scran, I enjoyed the flake
13:11It's not worth 25 euros
13:13But now I guess we have cake for the next year
13:19Philippe Conticini
13:21Let's see what they've got in store for us
13:23You're taking the piss
13:27Why are you making me buy
13:29Really messified
13:31Is that the bit now
13:33Are we going to go to four more cafes
13:35And just get progressively larger
13:37Do you want to know the best bit
13:39We're not even allowed to buy this
13:41We tried to buy one, they're sold out
13:43So many people buy these, they're 25 euros each
13:45So we're going to get something else
13:47They let us hold this for the joke
13:49This place is so popular, they didn't even have the regular croissants
13:51So in my haste
13:53I ordered the first thing with Paris on it
13:55Which is called Paris Breast
13:57So two men
13:59Just entered the store
14:01Giggling about a large croissant
14:03Taken the display croissant
14:05To do a stupid video with it
14:07Walked back into the cafe
14:09And ordered Paris Breast
14:11And then left
14:13I'm so sorry Paris
14:15We are doing a disservice to your wonderful city
14:17But I will have a nibble on the breast
14:19This was 9 euros
14:21So I didn't have to spend 30
14:23Like Sam was going to make me do
14:25And it's like a praline
14:27Oh my god
14:29That is absolutely phenomenal
14:31It's like posh Nutella
14:33It's not worth 9 euros
14:35But it is a scram
14:37Is that not one of the nicest desserts you've had in your life
14:39Oh my god
14:41Scram
14:43Music
14:45Another chain
14:47That supposedly do these
14:49Circular croissants
14:51My tummy hurts
14:53I've had so much cream today
14:55How many of these are there in Paris
14:57Oh interesting
14:59There are
15:01Of these in Paris
15:03You didn't need to pan the camera
15:05It's going to be in the corner of the screen
15:07So this is a New York roll
15:09Which is interesting because we are in Paris
15:11But it's like a circular croissant
15:13With a filling
15:15It's a bit gimmicky
15:17Slightly better quality than the Ritz one
15:19But it's still got that crunchiness to it
15:21Your croissant should be crumbling
15:23But the filling is really good
15:25I'm just having a Frenchman staring at me
15:27So I'm getting uncomfortable
15:29I'm going to go outside
15:31The issue with the one from the Ritz earlier was that it had been out all day
15:33We're getting to that point now where it feels like this has been out all day
15:35The fillings that it's adding
15:37The vanilla and the chocolate
15:39It's not doing enough for me to be better than a lot of the other things we've had today
15:41So yeah it's a ban
15:43It's another ban
15:45This next one is ugly down the road
15:47So come with me
15:49Come with me
15:51Come with me
15:55Me when um
15:57When
15:59When you pull back Prince William's
16:01Foreskin
16:03And there's detritus
16:07We've done a lot of croissant-esque things
16:09Over the last few
16:11So this next one we're going for a nest
16:13And that's not something a bird hangs out in
16:15It's something I'm going to eat
16:17Ooh
16:19Get a close up
16:21Get a close close close
16:23Not too close
16:25What do you mean stop moving I'm not moving anything
16:27Get a product shot
16:29Let's get that middle bit out
16:31Put the ring in
16:33I'll save that for later if you know what I mean
16:35I have a wide
16:37Penis
16:39I'm really not getting too much
16:41The pistachio almost feels
16:43Oh no I'm
16:45There's quite a few
16:47Pigeons forming around my pistachio roll
16:49Get away
16:51They're trying to take my snacks
16:53My baked goods
16:55Wait Kiwi
16:57Kiwi I'm trying to make a video here
16:59Kiwi I would have this with a coffee
17:01Sat outside a cafe and enjoy it
17:03Therefore it is a scram
17:05But it's nowhere near the heights again of this video
17:07I think if I'd had this first and I hadn't had the nice croissant
17:09I hadn't had the nice
17:11The one here this one
17:13If I hadn't had that I feel like this would have been really up there
17:15But that one is just so good
17:17I can't stop thinking about the praline
17:19And to think we could have ruined it by having such a big croissant
17:21For 25 euros
17:23And we stumbled upon greatness here
17:25I should have known that the Paris Brest would be the highlight
17:27That's why you gotta come to Paris guys
17:29Anyway on to the oldest cafe of them all
17:31I reckon we go back to a bog standard croissant
17:33To end our lovely time in this wonderful city
17:35Show it show it
17:37Have a little look around Kiwi
17:39Don't just focus on the bin and the coat on the floor
17:41There's a whole city to enjoy
17:57And here we are boys it's the final destination
17:59But not death
18:01Pastry
18:03We're going to go for a croissant again
18:05We started with a croissant we had croissants in the middle
18:07We held a big croissant briefly
18:09We're going back to the croissant for the final
18:11Location which is
18:13Storhaire
18:15There you go look at it
18:17There you go look at it
18:19Storhaire
18:21There you go look at it
18:23Storhaire
18:25There it is look at it
18:27Oh
18:29Hello friend
18:31He's part of it
18:33He's my bestie
18:35He'll turn back
18:37Any second now
18:39He'll turn back and he'll wave
18:41He'll turn
18:43Any second now he's going to turn back and he's going to wave
18:47I don't think he's going to wave
18:49Well we tried
18:51So anyway
18:53Storhaire take a look at it
18:57It's a little dense
18:59But that's just fine
19:01Because life gets a little dense from time to time
19:03When it's the end of the day
19:05And your croissants have been laying on the side
19:09They're going to be a little bit rougher around the edges
19:11They're going to be a little bit crispy
19:17But there's always tomorrow
19:19And when is there a better time
19:21To try out a croissant
19:23Than tomorrow morning
19:25When you're no longer in Paris
19:27Because you get the train home
19:29And you maybe even snooze a little bit again
19:31I've been James Marriott
19:33You've been a delight
19:35But not quite as delightful
19:37As that praline little number we had earlier
19:41Everyone say thank you to Kiwi Sam in the comments
19:43And thank you once again to
19:45Cool Shirts for sponsoring this video
19:47You can go to shirts.cool
19:49To pick up some of their products
19:51Which I recommend you do
19:53Have a good day now
20:01Take a look at that