AGENT JACKIE - Hollywood Movie - Jackie Chan & Amber Valletta - Action Comedy Full Movie In English
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Short filmTranscript
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00:25:27Get out!
00:25:29-♪♪
00:25:35Hello?
00:25:36You're alive.
00:25:37That's a good sign.
00:25:39How are the kids?
00:25:40We had a great night.
00:25:42Easy as pie.
00:25:44Really?
00:25:45You're with my kids, right?
00:25:48Bob, the other night at dinner,
00:25:50you were gonna say something about your job,
00:25:53and I cut you off.
00:25:55You want to tell me now?
00:25:57Uh...
00:25:58It can wait until you get back.
00:26:01I really think this was a good idea.
00:26:05I'm sure the worst is behind us.
00:26:08-♪♪
00:26:18-♪♪
00:26:28Just a second.
00:26:30-♪♪
00:26:38Ah!
00:26:39Ah!
00:26:40-♪♪
00:26:45-♪♪
00:26:50I got it!
00:26:51-♪♪
00:26:54Fire!
00:26:55Huh?
00:26:57Oh, my.
00:26:58-♪♪
00:27:01Oh, mistake.
00:27:04Oh.
00:27:05-♪♪
00:27:08Everything will be fine.
00:27:10Oatmeal's ready.
00:27:12-♪♪
00:27:18Shotgun, it's not your day.
00:27:20You sure your mother let you go to school like that?
00:27:23Duh, Bob.
00:27:25Duh, Bob.
00:27:27-♪♪
00:27:34-♪♪
00:27:38Bye.
00:27:39Well, you guys have a nice day.
00:27:42-♪♪
00:27:50So, what do you do all day?
00:27:53Nothing. I'm full.
00:27:57-♪♪
00:28:02You're full of it?
00:28:03Yeah, full of it.
00:28:05I'm telling you, I downloaded it yesterday.
00:28:07Really?
00:28:08If you really had that, that'd be pretty cool.
00:28:10Yeah, pretty cool.
00:28:11Let's hear it, then.
00:28:13-♪♪
00:28:18Trying to pop our ears?
00:28:19It's nothing but a bunch of static.
00:28:21I don't get it.
00:28:22I get it.
00:28:23You're a pathetic little nerd and a liar.
00:28:25Let's get him.
00:28:26-♪♪
00:28:27No!
00:28:28Reggie!
00:28:29Put me down!
00:28:30Put me down!
00:28:31Put me down!
00:28:32Okay, you asked for it!
00:28:34-♪♪
00:28:36No, no, no, no!
00:28:38You guys are gonna hear from me and my lawyer.
00:28:41All you people is eating every one of you!
00:28:45-♪♪
00:28:52So, tell me more about Halloween.
00:28:55It's the best.
00:28:56You get candy, everyone pretends to be someone else,
00:29:01and nobody knows who you really are.
00:29:03Sounds familiar.
00:29:05Nora.
00:29:07So, what do you want to be?
00:29:09A Frankenstein?
00:29:10A zombie?
00:29:12Sweetie, do you want to be a princess?
00:29:16Yeah.
00:29:18Okay.
00:29:20Princess.
00:29:22-♪♪
00:29:24Nora.
00:29:26-♪♪
00:29:29Not really.
00:29:31Princess.
00:29:33Princess.
00:29:35Princess.
00:29:37-♪♪
00:29:39Ta-da!
00:29:41Tea.
00:29:45Ta-da!
00:29:47Pink.
00:29:49Pink?
00:29:53Mmm.
00:29:55-♪♪
00:30:03Ah!
00:30:05-♪♪
00:30:09Ta-da! Princess.
00:30:11It's too big.
00:30:13Too big?
00:30:15Okay.
00:30:17-♪♪
00:30:25-♪♪
00:30:30Nora.
00:30:32Nora.
00:30:34-♪♪
00:30:36Nora.
00:30:39-♪♪
00:30:43Nora.
00:30:45-♪♪
00:30:48Nora.
00:30:50-♪♪
00:30:53Nora.
00:30:55-♪♪
00:30:59Nora.
00:31:01Sorry, sorry.
00:31:03Sorry.
00:31:05Oh.
00:31:08Nora!
00:31:10-♪♪
00:31:15-♪♪
00:31:19-♪♪
00:31:26Nora!
00:31:28-♪♪
00:31:31Nora!
00:31:33You don't want Nora over again?
00:31:35I'm sorry, Bob.
00:31:37Let's go pay for your costume.
00:31:40-♪♪
00:31:45Yo, it's Ho.
00:31:47Just hold him till I get there.
00:31:51-♪♪
00:31:58Can I just say before we begin
00:32:00that only in the current distressed condition
00:32:02of the American public school system
00:32:04could I be deposited headfirst into a garbage can,
00:32:08and yet I'm the one who winds up receiving disciplinary action?
00:32:13Who exactly are you?
00:32:15Oh, I'm his mother's, uh, uh...
00:32:19Neighbor.
00:32:21Neighbor. I'm watching him for a few days.
00:32:24Well, this is not the first time Ian has been in trouble.
00:32:27He gets in fights, he lies.
00:32:29Hey, I don't lie.
00:32:31You told everyone you invited, uh, Selena Gomez to the spring dance.
00:32:35Her appearance for you is an obstacle.
00:32:37You said you spent New Year's Eve at the Playboy Mansion?
00:32:40Hey, pay-per-view high def. I felt like I was there.
00:32:43-♪♪
00:32:49I'm telling you, lying is a dangerous game.
00:32:52Bob, you sell pens.
00:32:54What do you... Oh, no, that's them.
00:32:56Who?
00:32:58Collins put me in the trash can.
00:33:01Hey, geek boy, we got detention because of you.
00:33:04Yeah, because of you.
00:33:06You're gonna pay for that.
00:33:08Gentlemen, we don't want trouble.
00:33:10Who's this? Your mom?
00:33:12You wish. He's my bodyguard. I hired him.
00:33:14You better watch out.
00:33:16Is that true?
00:33:18No, he's joking. I'm the babysitter.
00:33:20What are you gonna do?
00:33:22Ask you politely to allow us to pass.
00:33:26-♪♪♪
00:33:31-♪♪♪
00:33:36How humiliating.
00:33:38Why didn't you do something?
00:33:40Why did you tell them I was your bodyguard?
00:33:43You're right. I guess it was too big a stretch.
00:33:48-♪♪♪
00:33:53-♪♪♪
00:34:00Hey, how you doing?
00:34:02I'm Ian.
00:34:04I told you you got a beautiful body.
00:34:06You hold it against me.
00:34:08Ew.
00:34:10At least you're not shy.
00:34:12I wanted to talk to her in the worst way.
00:34:16Mission accomplished.
00:34:22Come here.
00:34:24You look so pretty.
00:34:29Farron, I didn't know you did gymnastics.
00:34:31Why would you?
00:34:33You don't know anything about me.
00:34:35You come over to hang out with Jillian,
00:34:37and you never even talk to us.
00:34:39Come on, let's go.
00:34:42The woman's got a point.
00:34:50I don't know who you are sending out to buy my clothes,
00:34:54but I want them killed.
00:34:57You could go yourself.
00:34:59I'm the most wanted man in America.
00:35:02I cannot exactly browse the racks of J.C. Penney's.
00:35:06Just give me something that will blend in.
00:35:08Something extremely American.
00:35:10Sir, we are ready to run the test.
00:35:39Magnificent.
00:35:48Ah!
00:35:50She must have plastic in her shoes.
00:35:52It will eat any petroleum product.
00:35:57We're working on that.
00:36:03Yeah.
00:36:06Yeah.
00:36:08What happened to the bacteria?
00:36:10They live as long as they feed.
00:36:12Once the oil is gone, they disappear.
00:36:14Just like my Jimmy Choos.
00:36:24Come in.
00:36:31Listen, about today...
00:36:33You could have stood up for me, you know.
00:36:35I have to face those guys.
00:36:37So face them.
00:36:39Unless you want to spend the rest of your life
00:36:41with your head in the trash can.
00:36:43Thanks for the advice, Pop.
00:36:45All my problems are solved.
00:36:55They assign this in middle school?
00:36:57No, that's my pleasure reading.
00:37:03Smart.
00:37:05You have a lot going for you.
00:37:07Why do you make things up?
00:37:09Girls aren't exactly impressed by astrophysics.
00:37:12Given the resources,
00:37:14I could design, build, and launch a rocket
00:37:16that would accurately circumscribe
00:37:18an orbit of the moon.
00:37:20But other guys can, you know,
00:37:23throw a ball through a hoop.
00:37:27I don't want you two getting in trouble.
00:37:30I'll make you a deal.
00:37:32If you try to tell the truth from now on,
00:37:34I won't tell your mother about today.
00:37:36Really?
00:37:38Dude, that's almost cool.
00:37:40You mean for a guy who sells pens?
00:37:49Come on, kids, time for bed.
00:37:52Come on, one more spoonful.
00:38:02Come on.
00:38:22Nora.
00:38:24Oh, my God.
00:38:28When the tree breaks,
00:38:30the baby falling out
00:38:32and relaying on the ground.
00:38:35When about...
00:38:40This one.
00:38:42I learned it in China when I was young.
00:38:54When I see you, I cry
00:38:59I forget how tired I am
00:39:04Baby, baby, I love you
00:39:09I beg you, what do you care?
00:39:14I give my health and happiness to you
00:39:19I beg you to be happy
00:39:25Baby, baby, I love you
00:39:30It's me. I need your help.
00:39:45I had to make up one heck of a yarn to get all this stuff.
00:39:48What did you tell them?
00:39:50Well, let's just say if I don't find some weapons-grade uranium by dawn,
00:39:53I'm in trouble.
00:39:55What do you need all this for?
00:39:57Get the kids ready for school.
00:39:59That's like my mom always used to say
00:40:01when she was stationed over in East Berlin.
00:40:03She'd say, it's fine, it's easy.
00:40:05Parenting's hard.
00:40:07Good luck.
00:40:10Bring it on.
00:40:13Sharon, you've been in here all morning.
00:40:15Let me in.
00:40:17Sharon!
00:40:19Sharon!
00:40:21Sharon!
00:40:25Sharon, you've been in here all morning, let me in!
00:40:28Sharon!
00:40:30Sharon!
00:40:32Sharon!
00:40:34Sharon, you've been in here all morning!
00:40:36Mary, you've been in there all morning, haven't you?
00:40:39Mary!
00:40:41Hey!
00:40:43Guess it's my turn.
00:40:48And Ferret, please put on a longer skirt.
00:40:56This means war.
00:40:58One way or another
00:41:00I'm gonna find ya
00:41:02I'm gonna get ya, get ya, get ya, get ya
00:41:04One way or another
00:41:06I'm gonna win ya
00:41:08I'm gonna get ya, get ya, get ya, get ya
00:41:10One way or another
00:41:12I'm gonna see ya
00:41:14I wanna meet ya, meet ya, meet ya, meet ya
00:41:16One day, maybe next week
00:41:18I'm gonna meet ya
00:41:20I'm gonna meet ya, I'll meet ya
00:41:22I will drive past your house
00:41:27And if the lights are all down
00:41:33I'll follow your bus downtown
00:41:39One way or another
00:41:42I'm gonna see ya
00:41:44I'm gonna meet ya, meet ya, meet ya, meet ya
00:41:46One day, maybe next week
00:41:48I'm gonna meet ya
00:41:50I'll meet ya, I'll meet ya
00:41:52And if the lights are all out
00:41:58I'll follow your bus downtown
00:42:03See you hangin' out
00:42:17Where is he?
00:42:18Hiding.
00:42:19He's probably gonna trick us and open the door.
00:42:22Help me put these away.
00:42:30One way or another
00:42:32I'm gonna lose ya
00:42:34I'm gonna give you the slip
00:42:36Here.
00:42:37You know the rules.
00:42:39No soda upstairs.
00:42:41What? How did you know?
00:42:43One way or another
00:42:44I'm gonna lose ya
00:42:46I'm gonna trick ya, trick ya, trick ya, trick ya
00:42:48One way or another
00:42:50I'm gonna lose ya
00:42:52I'm gonna give you the slip
00:42:57I'm gonna lose ya
00:42:59I'm gonna miss ya
00:43:01I'm gonna lose ya
00:43:06Breakfast is served.
00:43:08One way or another
00:43:10I'm gonna lose ya
00:43:12All right, time for bed.
00:43:14One way or another
00:43:16I'm gonna miss ya
00:43:18I'm gonna eat ya
00:43:20I'm gonna trick ya
00:43:22I'm gonna give you the slip
00:43:24Oh, shit.
00:43:26Night-night.
00:43:31It's a school night.
00:43:32You should be asleep.
00:43:34How did you find me?
00:43:36Call it a hunch.
00:43:37Why do you call your mother Jillian instead of mom?
00:43:54She's not my mom.
00:43:56What do you mean?
00:43:58My father was married before.
00:44:01And my real mom died when I was little.
00:44:03Jillian is just my stepmother.
00:44:05And he and Nora are just my half-brother and sister.
00:44:09I'm like the freak of the family.
00:44:12He must have heard your feelings when he left.
00:44:15He'll be back for me.
00:44:17I know he's not the greatest dad in the world, but he loves me.
00:44:20And he's not going to leave me here alone.
00:44:28Anyway, you should not climb the roof like this.
00:44:31It's not safe.
00:44:33Please don't tell me I can't come up here.
00:44:35It's like the only place I can chill.
00:44:38Actually, I was going to offer to build you a railing.
00:44:42Are you trying to bribe me into liking you?
00:44:45I just want you to be safe.
00:44:53Mind if I chill with you?
00:44:56It's a free country.
00:45:04A little stuff.
00:45:21Good news.
00:45:23We got an address.
00:45:28Good.
00:45:30Take some men.
00:45:32Get the Donald back.
00:45:34Tatiana.
00:45:38No survivors.
00:45:43Hey, boss, you like?
00:45:51No like?
00:45:54May I make a couple of fashion suggestions?
00:45:58Women don't like to shoot turkey.
00:46:01Mess up your hair.
00:46:03You know about fashion?
00:46:05No, but I know women.
00:46:08Wear it like this.
00:46:10It's cool.
00:46:11I saw it in the movie.
00:46:13What movie?
00:46:14Octopussy?
00:46:15This isn't 1985.
00:46:17It's not 1985.
00:46:19What movie?
00:46:20Octopussy?
00:46:21This isn't 1985.
00:46:23I almost forgot.
00:46:25What's this?
00:46:26Icky Pop and David Bowie in Shanghai.
00:46:29What?
00:46:30This is only about the hardest concert to find in the world.
00:46:33I guarantee no one else in the school district has it.
00:46:37You downloaded this from me?
00:46:39Don't worry.
00:46:40I paid for it.
00:46:41How did you even know about it?
00:46:42Easy.
00:46:43I was there.
00:46:50Bob, you're getting too efficient.
00:46:52We're half an hour early.
00:46:54You're welcome.
00:46:58Have a great day.
00:47:03Hey, cool look, Aaron.
00:47:05Thanks.
00:47:06It's Ian.
00:47:07Whatever.
00:47:20Have a great day.
00:47:22Look, the talk on the roof the other night doesn't mean we're friends.
00:47:26God forbid.
00:47:30I'm sorry.
00:47:32I'm sorry.
00:47:34I'm sorry.
00:47:36I'm sorry.
00:47:38I'm sorry.
00:47:40I'm sorry.
00:47:42I'm sorry.
00:47:44I'm sorry.
00:47:46I'm sorry.
00:47:48I'm sorry.
00:48:08We're here.
00:48:09There is nobody around.
00:48:11I found the computer, but the file was downloaded to an external storage device.
00:48:16I can't find Stuntz.
00:48:20I think I just figured out who lives here.
00:48:23Idiot.
00:48:36Hello.
00:48:38You must stop shooting things, Antosha.
00:48:41I said it would be bad if the CIA or Chinese had it, but he's both.
00:48:46Find him, but keep him alive.
00:48:50I need to know who else he's service to.
00:48:58Listen up, now.
00:49:00Everyone, in here.
00:49:04We must look at Chinese intelligence agent Bob Ho.
00:49:09He's very tricky.
00:49:11The best at what he does.
00:49:13He won't be easy to find.
00:49:15Um, Ms. Kreil...
00:49:16No, no.
00:49:17Imagine you are Chinese.
00:49:19Highly trained, and you want to disappear.
00:49:22I see him climbing with a bunch of skulls and a rope.
00:49:25Oh, yeah.
00:49:26He's not gonna end a barbarian.
00:49:28Good try, though.
00:49:29No, I see him.
00:49:30There.
00:49:36Go.
00:49:37Go!
00:49:39Get him up! Get him up! Get up!
00:49:41Don't kill him yet.
00:49:42We need information.
00:49:48Get him up!
00:49:55Go, Bob, go! Go, Bob, go!
00:49:58Go, Bob, go!
00:49:59Come here, sweetheart.
00:50:01Get back here.
00:50:05Come here.
00:50:10Come here.
00:50:16Let go!
00:50:20Get back there, Bob!
00:50:22Let go!
00:50:23Did you hurt my turtle?
00:50:25No, no.
00:50:34Hey, Bob!
00:50:37We will pay for that little American princess.
00:50:58Again, again, again!
00:51:02Okay.
00:51:07Why did you pull us out of school?
00:51:09Who cares? We're out.
00:51:11Why are you in the front seat anyway? It's my day.
00:51:13No, it isn't. It's my day.
00:51:15No, it's not your day. You're a liar.
00:51:17Today is my day.
00:51:19No, no, no!
00:51:21You've been in there three days in a row.
00:51:23Quiet!
00:51:24I'm still hungry.
00:51:27It doesn't look like they aren't checking the candles, Leo.
00:51:31Wait inside. I have to make a call.
00:51:41This is Firefly.
00:51:43This is Bob Ho. I need help.
00:51:49Bob, Bob, Bob!
00:51:51Bob, Bob, Bob!
00:51:53Bob, Bob, Bob!
00:51:56Yeah, so I get pretty good grades at this university.
00:51:59And top of the class. I don't like to brag, but you know.
00:52:02Bob, this is Larry.
00:52:04Pleased to meet you, sir.
00:52:06Let's get some food.
00:52:07He goes to the university.
00:52:09He's a poet. Isn't it cool?
00:52:14He's rad. He's awesome.
00:52:16This is chicken for sushi. It's bomb.
00:52:21Let's go.
00:52:22Hey!
00:52:25How embarrassing.
00:52:27You know, most people don't like me when they first meet me.
00:52:30But Larry did.
00:52:34I have two words for you, Larry.
00:52:37Thirteen.
00:52:55I have to go.
00:52:57All right, Nora.
00:52:59Come on.
00:53:01You two stay at the table.
00:53:07No, no, no, no.
00:53:09I can't go in there.
00:53:21Where's your piece?
00:53:25What?
00:53:27Careful.
00:53:39And the lion jumped on me.
00:53:41And I killed him with my bare hands.
00:53:43And I saved the colonel's life.
00:53:45You're brave.
00:53:46Thanks.
00:53:48How about this, Bob?
00:53:50The whole restaurant and the waitress sat Larry here.
00:53:52Isn't it great?
00:53:54It's like it's made or something.
00:53:56Really, sir, we're just goofing around.
00:53:58Hey, Nora. Knock, knock.
00:54:00Who's there?
00:54:01Irish stew.
00:54:02Irish stew who?
00:54:04Irish stew in the name of the law.
00:54:09Larry was telling me all about the university.
00:54:11It sounds great.
00:54:13I'd be glad to give you a tour sometime.
00:54:15It's not up to you. You're not my dad.
00:54:17No, but I know that your mother hasn't completely lost her mind.
00:54:21It's just a tour, Bob.
00:54:23It's not like he's asking me out on a date or anything.
00:54:26Are you?
00:54:28No, it's just a friendly offer.
00:54:31Even if it was a date, you still couldn't stop me.
00:54:39What's your major, Larry?
00:54:41English lit.
00:54:43Would you pass del soya sauce?
00:54:46That way I get a background in the classics.
00:54:49It's impossible.
00:54:54You speak Russian, Larry?
00:54:57What's going on?
00:54:59This is going to be painful.
00:55:20You're right about that.
00:55:25Go, go, go.
00:55:30Maybe you're right about this.
00:55:43Goodbye, Larry.
00:56:00Fine, he's too old for me.
00:56:02Bob, I don't want to be a princess anymore.
00:56:04I want to be a cyborg.
00:56:06How did he find us so fast?
00:56:08It doesn't make sense.
00:56:10Bob, what's going on?
00:56:12Please, quiet. I'm trying to think.
00:56:14What do you mean?
00:56:16All right, all right, fine, fine.
00:56:19I am international spy on loan to the CIA
00:56:22from the Chinese intelligence service.
00:56:24I am international spy on loan to the CIA
00:56:26from the Chinese intelligence service.
00:56:28Someone wants me dead.
00:56:30And Larry was a Russian operative, okay?
00:56:33Fine, don't tell us.
00:56:37Cool.
00:56:43Why did we come alone?
00:56:47Stay here.
00:56:51Where are the kids?
00:56:53Inside.
00:56:55Nothing else matters until these kids are safe, nothing.
00:56:57Of course.
00:56:59Colton sent up that safe house for them like you requested.
00:57:01Wait, got that file on you?
00:57:03What file?
00:57:05The one Colton linked you to from Poldark's computer,
00:57:07your download.
00:57:09I didn't download it. I never even got it open.
00:57:11Don't BS me, Bob.
00:57:13It's classified material. I need all copies.
00:57:15Why would you think I downloaded it?
00:57:17Unless someone told you I had.
00:57:19Someone who wanted it back.
00:57:21Other than it has to be, Bob, give me the file.
00:57:23You're a career officer.
00:57:25Why do this?
00:57:27I want out, same as you. We're both leaving for love.
00:57:29Only I love money, and Anton Poldark is Match.com.
00:57:31The file!
00:57:35Okay.
00:57:37Easy.
00:57:39Aah!
00:57:45Good work.
00:57:47No.
00:57:51Can I just say
00:57:53you are by far the coolest guy
00:57:55my mom has ever dated?
00:57:57At least now I know
00:57:59how that kid Larry found us so fast.
00:58:01How?
00:58:03The watch.
00:58:05Grace told me to keep the watch.
00:58:07It must have a tracking device.
00:58:09Wow.
00:58:11You really are a spy.
00:58:13Jillian is totally gonna freak.
00:58:21What are you doing?
00:58:23There's iron in these rocks.
00:58:25It will hide the signal.
00:58:27Watch, please.
00:58:29You realize if I told anyone at school of this story,
00:58:31I'd get detention for a year for lying.
00:58:33I'm not lying.
00:58:35I'm not lying.
00:58:37I'm not lying.
00:58:39I'm not lying.
00:58:41I'm not lying.
00:58:43I'm not lying.
00:58:45I'm not lying.
00:58:47I'm not lying.
00:58:49I'm not lying.
00:58:51I'm not lying.
00:58:53I'm not lying.
00:59:15Yes?
00:59:17Something's wrong. We need to get together and talk.
00:59:21Nice try.
00:59:22Bob?
00:59:24Bob.
00:59:32We'll be safe here. I promise.
00:59:35This is your plan? Hide out in a hotel?
00:59:37Doesn't look like they have chicken tenders here either.
00:59:48This is awesome!
00:59:50Can we order room service?
00:59:52Are you crazy? I'm going home.
00:59:54No. The only place you're safe is with me.
00:59:57Safe with you? Everybody's trying to kill you.
01:00:00I know. Isn't it cool?
01:00:02Hey, Bob, if you want to marry my mom,
01:00:04I'll personally write the invitations.
01:00:08I'm sorry, but I can't.
01:00:10You can't?
01:00:12No, I can't.
01:00:14Why not?
01:00:16Huh?
01:00:46I love you, Bob.
01:01:02Be realistic, Bob.
01:01:08Hello. Hi, Jillian.
01:01:10Hi, sweetheart.
01:01:12Yeah, Grandpa just fell asleep. I was gonna call you guys.
01:01:15I have to tell you something.
01:01:17I know this is going to hurt you,
01:01:19but I have to tell you.
01:01:21Are you all right?
01:01:23I'm fine. It's about Bob.
01:01:25What about him?
01:01:27He's not who you think he is.
01:01:29He's a spy. A Chinese spy.
01:01:31And these terrorists are trying to kill him.
01:01:33And now the CIA's after him, too.
01:01:35Farron, I know you don't like Bob,
01:01:37but come on. I'd expect this from Ian,
01:01:39but not from you.
01:01:41What? No, it's true.
01:01:44Don't you even care?
01:01:46Farron, this conversation is over.
01:01:48Put Bob on.
01:01:56Hi, Jillian.
01:01:58Bob, I am so sorry.
01:02:00I don't know what's gotten into her.
01:02:02It's true.
01:02:04What is?
01:02:06Everything she said is all true.
01:02:10Whatever this is, it isn't funny.
01:02:12My kids are safe.
01:02:14I promise I'll give them to you as soon as you get back.
01:02:16You're either telling me the truth
01:02:18or I've left my kids with a nut job.
01:02:22Either way,
01:02:24you should come and get them.
01:02:42So,
01:02:44you got any other cool spy stuff
01:02:46besides the watch?
01:02:54Don't touch it.
01:02:56It's very sharp.
01:02:58Cool. What else?
01:03:01Cool.
01:03:11Cool.
01:03:13Yeah!
01:03:23Sorry, mister.
01:03:27Airport. Step on it.
01:03:43Bob?
01:03:55Bob?
01:03:57Are you awake?
01:03:59Are you kidding?
01:04:01Does he always snore like that?
01:04:03Can't you hear him next door?
01:04:05I always thought it was the pig.
01:04:07It's over with you and Jillian,
01:04:09isn't it?
01:04:13Yes, Farron, it's over.
01:04:17You win.
01:04:19Then why don't I feel like I won?
01:04:21If you really loved her,
01:04:23you wouldn't give up this easily.
01:04:25It's because I love her
01:04:27and the three of you
01:04:29that I have to walk away.
01:04:31It's more important that you are safe.
01:04:34I thought I could put my other life behind me,
01:04:36but I can't.
01:04:38Be glad.
01:04:40You're lucky you're not joining this family.
01:04:44You have no idea what it's like
01:04:46to live in a place
01:04:48where you totally don't belong.
01:04:50Don't be so sure.
01:04:52I was an orphan.
01:04:54I was raised in a group home.
01:04:56I never knew my parents,
01:04:58but I had a family.
01:05:00I had a father.
01:05:02I had a family.
01:05:04I had dozens of brothers and sisters there,
01:05:06and I wasn't related
01:05:08to any of them.
01:05:10But I loved them all.
01:05:14Family isn't whose blood you carry.
01:05:16It's who you love
01:05:18and who loves you.
01:05:20Jillian!
01:05:28Jillian,
01:05:30I'm really sorry about everything.
01:05:38Tell me the truth.
01:05:40I'm sorry.
01:05:42I'm sorry.
01:05:44I'm sorry.
01:05:46I'm sorry.
01:05:49Tell me the truth.
01:05:51Are you really a spy?
01:05:54Yes, I am.
01:05:56I was going to tell you at dinner,
01:05:58but you stopped me.
01:06:00I don't care.
01:06:02You put my children in danger.
01:06:04Just go.
01:06:12Bob,
01:06:14I'm never gonna see you again.
01:06:19You're not.
01:06:30Please don't go away.
01:06:32Who's gonna sing me China songs?
01:06:44You'll be safe.
01:06:46I promise.
01:06:48I love you.
01:07:18Dear Mom,
01:07:20I am very sorry,
01:07:22but I cannot stay here.
01:07:24My destiny is to be a spy,
01:07:26like Bob.
01:07:28Hi-ya!
01:07:30Hi-ya!
01:07:32Hi-ya!
01:07:34Hi-ya!
01:07:36Hi-ya!
01:07:38Hi-ya!
01:07:40Hi-ya!
01:07:42Hi-ya!
01:07:44Hi-ya!
01:07:46I am going with him.
01:07:48Best wishes,
01:07:50your son, Ian.
01:08:16Hello.
01:08:35The whole signal just popped back up.
01:08:37We got him.
01:08:40Let's roll.
01:08:46♪♪
01:08:56♪♪
01:09:00-♪♪
01:09:08Bob!
01:09:10Bob!
01:09:12Ian!
01:09:13You left your watch!
01:09:15What are you doing here?
01:09:16Let's go!
01:09:18What do you mean?
01:09:19I was just right here.
01:09:20-♪♪
01:09:31Bob Hope.
01:09:33What a coincidence.
01:09:35Tie them up.
01:09:37Yes, sir.
01:09:38That's it.
01:09:40Ian.
01:09:42Bob, what are you doing out here?
01:09:45I'm coming with you.
01:09:46I want to be a spy, too.
01:09:49Is this the bad guy?
01:09:51I thought he'd be better dressed.
01:09:55How did you find me?
01:09:56I found one of your tracking devices
01:09:58and put it in your pocket when I hugged you goodbye.
01:10:01I'm impressed.
01:10:02Thanks.
01:10:03Can we go back to business?
01:10:05Would you have to mention I'm retired?
01:10:07Retired meant on Download Secrets.
01:10:09I never download anything.
01:10:11He's lying.
01:10:13Who are you going to believe, me or the trader?
01:10:17Someone has been a very naughty boy.
01:10:21He's got cameras and microphones
01:10:23mounted all over the place.
01:10:26Good plan filming us together.
01:10:29How could you turn against your country?
01:10:31It was simple.
01:10:33I'm going to be a billionaire.
01:10:35That file that you didn't download?
01:10:37It's a formula for a growth bacteria hybrid.
01:10:39The stuff literally eats oil.
01:10:42Can you imagine?
01:10:44Overnight, all the world's oil supplies
01:10:47go poof, all except for Russia's.
01:10:50It'll be priceless, right, comrade?
01:10:52How did you get Colt to go along with you?
01:10:54Colt?
01:10:55That hillbilly's not part of this.
01:10:57He doesn't know what goes on in the real world.
01:10:59He still thinks wrestling is real.
01:11:01Let the boy go.
01:11:02He has nothing to do with this.
01:11:04Mr. Tichat just laid out our whole plan.
01:11:12We cannot let him go.
01:11:14He will tell.
01:11:15Trust me.
01:11:17No one will believe him.
01:11:19He's right about that.
01:11:23Hey, boss.
01:11:24Look at what I found sneaking across the site.
01:11:27Farron?
01:11:29Hi, everybody.
01:11:30Please, have a seat.
01:11:34This can't be happening.
01:11:37Hold on.
01:11:37Let the children go.
01:11:39And I will find this GBH file for you.
01:11:41GBH?
01:11:42Like Stockholm GBH?
01:11:45How do you know that?
01:11:47No freaking way.
01:11:48You're telling me all this is because he
01:11:50downloaded a bootleg concert?
01:11:52He did what?
01:11:54You downloaded it?
01:11:56Wow, these companies take piracy way too seriously.
01:11:59You are messing with my computer.
01:12:01It's private.
01:12:02I just wanted to seem cool.
01:12:04You don't need to.
01:12:06You are cool.
01:12:07You are one of the coolest kid I know.
01:12:10Really?
01:12:11Thanks.
01:12:12Hey, over here.
01:12:14Man with a gun.
01:12:15Wait a minute.
01:12:16I am one of the only kids you know.
01:12:20Where is the file?
01:12:21It's on my iPod on my desk at home.
01:12:24Now, see?
01:12:26You want to be a spy?
01:12:27Never tell the truth to the bad guy.
01:12:30Sorry.
01:12:31I'm new at this.
01:12:32Tatiana, take some men to the kid's house
01:12:35and find the iPod.
01:12:37What if the family is home?
01:12:41Ever since you dyed your hair blonde, kill them.
01:12:44No, don't.
01:12:45Go.
01:12:46Bring me that iPod.
01:12:48Come on, go.
01:12:49Go.
01:13:01Now, pass for you.
01:13:31Ow!
01:13:32Ow!
01:13:38Awesome!
01:13:51Hi-ya!
01:13:54Ferran, let's go.
01:13:57I call things out in front, then I pick the radio station.
01:14:02Okay, ready?
01:14:07Hello?
01:14:08Julian, listen to me.
01:14:10Goodbye, Bob.
01:14:21Julian, wait.
01:14:22Don't hang up.
01:14:26Hang on.
01:14:27Hang on.
01:14:28Hang on.
01:14:30Hang on.
01:14:31We've got to get there before they do.
01:14:39Is there anyone at the agency you can still trust?
01:14:42Someone you can call?
01:14:43Sure, but they tore out my cameras.
01:14:45I have no proof of anything.
01:14:47Accept that.
01:14:48As it happens, I recorded that entire conversation
01:14:51on my cell phone.
01:14:54Way to go, dork.
01:14:56Hold.
01:14:58Just listen.
01:14:59I'm going to play you something.
01:15:02The file that you didn't download,
01:15:04it's a formula for a growth bacteria hybrid.
01:15:07The stuff literally eats oil.
01:15:14What is this?
01:15:15It's Halloween.
01:15:26Go.
01:15:27It's Halloween.
01:15:33What are you all doing?
01:15:34I thought you were upstairs.
01:15:36Everybody inside.
01:15:37Bob, we need to talk.
01:15:38Mom, this isn't a joke.
01:15:40Do whatever he says.
01:15:44Take your iPod.
01:15:45His iPod?
01:15:46I demand an explanation.
01:15:48They're coming.
01:15:49Who?
01:15:50The Russians.
01:15:51Russians?
01:15:56I saw them outside.
01:15:57They're coming.
01:15:59Russians?
01:16:00Yes, Jillian.
01:16:01Russians.
01:16:02Let's try and keep up.
01:16:06It's too late.
01:16:07Everybody upstairs.
01:16:08Understand me?
01:16:09Come on.
01:16:10Come on.
01:16:11Stay there.
01:16:12Come on.
01:16:13Come on.
01:16:14Come on.
01:16:15Come on.
01:16:16Come on.
01:16:17Come on.
01:16:18Come on.
01:16:19Come on.
01:16:20Come on.
01:16:21Come on.
01:16:22Come on.
01:16:23Come on.
01:16:24Stay there.
01:16:29Where's my stuff?
01:16:31Here, take some of this stuff.
01:16:32What is all this?
01:16:33Protection.
01:16:36Why do you have a lighter?
01:16:37I don't want you playing with fire.
01:16:47Okay, maybe just this once.
01:16:49Let's go.
01:16:50Trick or treat.
01:16:54Come on.
01:17:21Hurry.
01:17:22Close it.
01:17:24Okay.
01:17:41We forgot Jeffo.
01:17:42Nora.
01:17:43Nora.
01:17:44Nora.
01:17:46What are you supposed to be?
01:17:48A cyborg sent from the future
01:17:50to blast you away.
01:17:53Ha ha ha.
01:18:01Mommy, that man can fly.
01:18:24I can't believe you did this to my family.
01:18:26Endangered my kids.
01:18:28I didn't mean to.
01:18:29I love your kids.
01:18:30I wanted to marry you.
01:18:32All four of you.
01:18:33And I wanted to marry you.
01:18:35But our wedding gifts would have to be opened by the bomb squad.
01:18:38All right, Paul.
01:18:40Enough, Gams.
01:18:43I finally found a normal guy, I thought.
01:18:46Someone who likes to...
01:18:49Can we talk about this later?
01:19:13Huh.
01:19:20Oh.
01:19:21You switched belts.
01:19:23Get him.
01:19:34Give me the iPod, kid.
01:19:37Come on.
01:19:38Let's TP to Lil' Geek's house.
01:19:40Yeah.
01:19:41TP.
01:19:54Hey, guys.
01:19:57Gotta go.
01:19:58Maybe we should just stick to stealing candy from little kids.
01:20:01Yeah, real little kids.
01:20:04This is going to be fun.
01:20:06Hey, Larry.
01:20:07Knock, knock.
01:20:10Get him.
01:20:34Come on, guys.
01:20:35Get in the room.
01:20:36Hurry.
01:20:37Lock it.
01:20:58Irish stew in the name of the Lord.
01:21:03Sorry your retirement was so short, Bob.
01:21:09You can kill me.
01:21:10Let the family go.
01:21:11I can't.
01:21:12They've seen too much.
01:21:13But I'll let you go first so you don't have to watch.
01:21:15Hey, mister.
01:21:23Don't think this changes anything.
01:21:26Everybody freeze!
01:21:28It's okay.
01:21:29They are two good guys.
01:21:33All right, clear.
01:21:36You stinkin' lowlife.
01:21:38Come on.
01:21:39Let's go.
01:21:52Hey, loosen these things up.
01:21:54Oh, I'm sorry.
01:21:55What's wrong?
01:21:56Got the handcuffs too tight?
01:21:57I don't know how these things work.
01:21:59I'm just a dumb hillbilly.
01:22:03Everybody okay?
01:22:04Bums and bruises.
01:22:05Ian, this really is the good guy.
01:22:11Hey.
01:22:12What you got there, son?
01:22:15Nice work recording that conversation, partner.
01:22:18This young man might make a heck of a spy someday.
01:22:21Uh-uh.
01:22:23How quickly can you give me order in steamsuit?
01:22:28I'm sorry I suspect you.
01:22:30Don't worry about it, old buddy.
01:22:32Chalk it up to the language barrier.
01:22:53I'm sorry I put you through all this.
01:22:58Goodbye, Gillian.
01:23:02Goodbye, kids.
01:23:06Bob!
01:23:10I'm gonna miss you.
01:23:12I love you too.
01:23:14I'm gonna miss you.
01:23:16I love you too.
01:23:25Wait.
01:23:28I know he lied.
01:23:30But he did it to protect us this whole time.
01:23:32All he ever wanted to do was protect his mom.
01:23:37Mom.
01:23:43You're never gonna find a man as good as Bob.
01:23:45Never again.
01:23:47Never.
01:23:49I never thought I'd say this, but...
01:23:52I agree with Farron.
01:23:59I suppose you have something to say too.
01:24:01I want Bob to be my daddy.
01:24:14Do you, Gillian, take Bob to be your lawfully wedded husband?
01:24:19I do.
01:24:21And do you, Bob, take Gillian to be your lawfully wedded wife?
01:24:27Gillian.
01:24:29There's one more thing I have to tell you.
01:24:33My name really isn't Bob.
01:24:39It's okay.
01:24:41It's okay.
01:24:44I do.
01:24:46I now pronounce you man and wife.
01:24:48You may kiss the bride.