Bikini Model Academy 2015 full movie
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:30I want to thank you all for coming to this, the first graduation ceremony for our Bikini
00:00:39Model Academy.
00:01:02We weren't always like this, beautiful, gorgeous, and perfect in every way.
00:01:08But every superhero has an origin story.
00:01:12This is ours.
00:01:14This is how we became what we are today.
00:01:17It all began with a boy and his dream.
00:01:47We're here to give you extraordinary pleasure, listen to me, look at the three-digit distance.
00:02:02Coming through, I'm gonna break down your resistance.
00:02:17We're here to give you extraordinary pleasure, listen to me, look at the three-digit distance.
00:02:43Coming through, I'm gonna break down your resistance.
00:02:46We're going to give you all night long.
00:02:49We're going to make it come unstuck.
00:02:53We're going to give it all night long.
00:02:56We're going to make it be so strong.
00:02:59We're going to make it last all night.
00:03:03We're going to make you feel all right.
00:03:06We're going to do up to you now.
00:03:10We're going to make you scream out loud.
00:03:14Scream out loud.
00:03:18Scream out loud.
00:03:21Scream out loud.
00:03:25Scream out loud.
00:03:31What? You want me to stop?
00:03:34You want a kiss?
00:03:36Usually you never want to right after.
00:03:38How romantic.
00:03:41TJ, where are you going? Come back.
00:03:53Tish, Tish, is that you? What's wrong?
00:03:55It's a massacre.
00:03:56Oh, no.
00:03:58Dude, what happened to the crops?
00:04:01I don't know, dude. They were good last night.
00:04:05TJ, how long did you leave the hose on last night?
00:04:10Until like now.
00:04:13Oh, you motherfucker. Don't squirt me. Don't squirt me.
00:04:17This is serious. All right?
00:04:20Once those girls find out that you murdered a crop,
00:04:23they're going to leave us.
00:04:26You think?
00:04:27Nah.
00:04:28Nah, you don't know them like I do.
00:04:30They'll stick with us through thick and thin.
00:04:35We'd heard about your crop failure. Get it? We'd heard.
00:04:40We'd?
00:04:41Not funny. Bad news travels fast.
00:04:45Morning, Trixie, Dixie.
00:04:48Jesus, you guys look great in those short, short shorts.
00:04:52Do not let him sweet talk you again.
00:04:54Always with the posing. What's up with that?
00:04:57But we are super cuties. Everyone says so.
00:05:02I think so, too.
00:05:03Will you do something for me? Honey, just try this.
00:05:05Put your luggage down. Okay?
00:05:07Come here. Get closer to me.
00:05:09Don't be afraid to touch.
00:05:11And then kind of put your chest out like this.
00:05:14And then your lips like this.
00:05:16They get it. You can stop.
00:05:18Stop. I'm very sorry about that.
00:05:20It's just when you guys get together, you're really hot.
00:05:23Really hot.
00:05:24We're very, very sorry for your loss. Really, we are. Right, Trixie?
00:05:28But we are so out of here.
00:05:31What? Where will you go?
00:05:33Who will take care of you?
00:05:35My dad's a lawyer in Encino,
00:05:37and her dad is a gynecologist in Woodland Hills, remember?
00:05:41So I guess we'll just go home.
00:05:43And get checkups.
00:05:45What? Don't everybody look at me like I'm weird?
00:05:49Benji, TJ, you're both really sweet guys,
00:05:54but you're not living up to your potential.
00:05:56So, no. We are off, like a prom dress.
00:06:00Good luck. Write if you make money.
00:06:02Oh, and I hope you don't mind,
00:06:04but I took the last of your shake and this old thing.
00:06:07Wait. Come on. Dixie!
00:06:09What about the movies?
00:06:11See? I told you they'd stay.
00:06:13This is all your fault, all right?
00:06:15Now we have no weed, no crop, and no girls.
00:06:19At least this day can't get any worse, right?
00:06:22Good day.
00:06:24I have my 2 invisible informants
00:06:26who just told me that you're out of the pot business.
00:06:29You just got off the phone with your Aunt Ethel.
00:06:31She told me she's going to be back from Florida on the 31st,
00:06:34and she wants you out of the house before she gets home.
00:06:3730 days? 30 days?
00:06:40Yes!
00:06:43A problem is an opportunity in disguise.
00:06:46You can do it. I believe in you.
00:06:54See, buddy?
00:06:56Baking really relaxes me.
00:06:58And baking these really does the trick, see?
00:07:02You want one?
00:07:04Yeah.
00:07:06Nice.
00:07:08Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
00:07:10Oh! Mmm! Mmm!
00:07:12Cool moves, dude.
00:07:14Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
00:07:16Uncle Timo has some...
00:07:18Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
00:07:21Uncle Timo has some...
00:07:23Ah! Ah! Ah!
00:07:33Oh!
00:07:37This is way bad, man.
00:07:39You don't have any nonfat?
00:07:41We have some, um, powdered milk.
00:07:46Shit.
00:07:50Just give me a little...
00:07:52Ah! Ah!
00:07:54Jesus! Oh, I'm sorry.
00:07:56Just do that one.
00:07:58Just put...
00:08:02Hey!
00:08:04Oh, no, those aren't, um...
00:08:06I know what they are.
00:08:08Ah.
00:08:18They need milk.
00:08:20Great gangina!
00:08:22All you guys need is a fresh start, a new idea.
00:08:26Back in 1903,
00:08:28there were two brothers who ran a bicycle shop,
00:08:31and they took parts of bicycles...
00:08:33Wright brothers. Exactly.
00:08:35Then not too long ago in the 30s,
00:08:37there was a guy who had a pharmacy store
00:08:39who had a flair for mixing carbonation and cocaine.
00:08:42Right. Caramel-colored carbonated cola drinks.
00:08:46Exactly.
00:08:48Then not too long ago,
00:08:50two guys got together in a garage,
00:08:52put their hands together, and came up...
00:08:54Are you talking Wozniak and Jobs and Benny Apple
00:08:57or the two speed freaks who got busted on Strathden
00:09:00for starting a meth lab?
00:09:02No. Wozniak and Jobs.
00:09:04We don't even have a garage.
00:09:06I mean, we just have a two-car covered carport.
00:09:10Okay, do you understand the truth of what I'm saying?
00:09:13That's the truth.
00:09:15Of the truth.
00:09:19I'm leaving.
00:09:22Mmm.
00:09:24Ah.
00:09:35Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
00:09:37Are you seeing a mystical hole in time
00:09:40opening before our very eyes?
00:09:42I think I am, bro.
00:09:45You summoned me?
00:09:47And by the way, big boy,
00:09:49it's pronounced gan-gina, not the other way.
00:09:53Yes, ma'am.
00:09:55Hey, great gan-gina, warrior,
00:09:58warrior, warrior, warrior.
00:10:01Hey, great gan-gina, warrior goddess
00:10:04of horticulture and fertility,
00:10:06we need your help.
00:10:08That much is obvious.
00:10:10You're drinking powdered milk.
00:10:12So what are we supposed to do?
00:10:14Well, what are you good at?
00:10:17Well, I always considered myself
00:10:20an expert in the education process.
00:10:23Dude, you don't have to agree to anything.
00:10:26Dude, I spent like eight years
00:10:28inside the higher education process.
00:10:32I must have learned something while I was in it.
00:10:35Maybe.
00:10:37And you, Benjamin Zachariah Bernstein,
00:10:40you and your 4.0, what's up?
00:10:44I guess I'm just waiting.
00:10:46Think. What do you like?
00:10:49What do you love?
00:10:51What are you truly passionate about?
00:10:54I like girls and women.
00:10:56Yeah, yeah, I want to do something with that.
00:10:58I could visualize myself running a school for women.
00:11:03We may be like a bikini college.
00:11:07No, no, no, it's like a modeling school.
00:11:10Oh, my God!
00:11:12We could open a bikini model academy!
00:11:17I have the ability to get money from a government grant
00:11:21to pay you for running your school.
00:11:23Really?
00:11:25Trance-like, otherworldly fantasy.
00:11:29Do we get to have sex with you?
00:11:35Bro, are you okay?
00:11:37You are so beautiful.
00:11:39T.J., seriously,
00:11:41you're supposed to have more class than that.
00:11:50Aah!
00:11:56Did that really just happen?
00:12:00Why don't you tell me what you think happened
00:12:04and I'll confirm it.
00:12:06We experienced a visitation
00:12:10from the ganja goddess.
00:12:13And now we're going to start a bikini modeling academy
00:12:17and change the lives and the bikinis
00:12:20of everyone we touch.
00:12:22And Uncle Seymour's going to get government money
00:12:25for the students.
00:12:27Hi.
00:12:29Bikini modeling isn't just a job.
00:12:32It's a way of life.
00:12:34And it's a state of mind.
00:12:36We at B.M.A.
00:12:40Bikini Model Academy
00:12:42believe that any girl...
00:12:44Or woman.
00:12:46Can find and...
00:12:48Maintain their inner beauty.
00:12:51Financial aid is available.
00:12:53For those who can apply.
00:12:56All right, walk up.
00:13:00B.M.A.
00:13:04Bangarang bitch.
00:13:06That's good.
00:13:07Then we're good.
00:13:08You look good.
00:13:09You're kind of natural at that.
00:13:11Like a Brando, a young Brando.
00:13:14Congratulations!
00:13:16Now you have a website.
00:13:18Now you're legit.
00:13:20The first thing any successful business needs
00:13:22is a business plan.
00:13:24Okay?
00:13:25To have a business plan,
00:13:27you need a whiteboard.
00:13:29Come on, man, come on.
00:13:33Good?
00:13:35All right.
00:13:40Right now, you're probably wondering,
00:13:43hey, who's that dickhead in the sports car with Trixie?
00:13:46That is the guy that we've hated since we were 12.
00:13:49Gordon Randolph Beauregard Stadelmeyer.
00:13:52Or, as we maliciously taunted him since grade school,
00:13:55Grubb Snout.
00:13:57That's Grubb Snout?
00:14:00You remember that paper route he had?
00:14:02And that, like, recycling thing?
00:14:04Well, apparently he turned it into a big business.
00:14:07In addition to owning arcades and internet cafes,
00:14:10a paintball park.
00:14:11Oh, no.
00:14:12He owns a bikini modeling school?
00:14:14That bastard stole our idea.
00:14:16This supports my theory that he's been spying on us
00:14:18since June of five.
00:14:19You cannot let the conspiracy thing go.
00:14:21Our idea can still work.
00:14:25Oh, dude, such an evil nemesis.
00:14:27Asswipe.
00:14:29That's right, fuckers.
00:14:31It's me.
00:14:32Gordon Randolph Beauregard Stadelmeyer.
00:14:35All grown up, as you can see.
00:14:38Wanna drag?
00:14:41You know, I'd ask you how's tricks, but, as you can see,
00:14:45I already know.
00:14:59You know, I already know about your little futile expertise.
00:15:02I mean, it's not like I'm going to do it.
00:15:04It's not like I'm going to do it.
00:15:06It's not like I'm going to do it.
00:15:08You know, I already know about your little futile exercise.
00:15:11I can tell you one thing.
00:15:14It won't amount to nothing.
00:15:21Anyway, so long, sucker.
00:15:29Oh, that guy's such a...
00:15:32I can't even say it.
00:15:33I wanna be like him, okay?
00:15:35I know.
00:15:36I hate him, but I want what he has.
00:15:38Number one, get girls.
00:15:40Number two, get girls.
00:15:42Number three, get girls!
00:15:45Bikini Model Academy.
00:15:46Help me.
00:15:47Bikini model.
00:15:48Oh, can I recruit you for my bikini modeling school?
00:15:50How about if it's free?
00:15:51No, no.
00:15:52How do I pay you?
00:15:53Right?
00:15:54I can do that.
00:15:55Bikini model.
00:15:56Did you say that you would pay me?
00:15:59Yeah.
00:16:00It's up to your school.
00:16:03For you.
00:16:05Here you go.
00:16:07What kind of school pays girls to become bikini models?
00:16:14One that wants to attract students.
00:16:21I'm trying to reverse engineer the model, okay?
00:16:30You know, we have the students.
00:16:31We'll just make it up in volume.
00:16:33Watch out.
00:16:36Gigi, will you fix that, please?
00:16:38There's a shadow on her face.
00:16:40I used to be a cheerleader.
00:16:42Impressive.
00:16:44Impressive.
00:16:45Can you do the other leg?
00:16:47I can try.
00:16:51Nice.
00:16:54Okay, hi.
00:16:55What's your name?
00:16:56Where are you from?
00:16:57And if you could just repeat the questions and your answers.
00:17:00My name is Sandy.
00:17:01And I'm originally from Miami.
00:17:04My name is Catherine.
00:17:05Idaho.
00:17:06Idaho?
00:17:07Yes.
00:17:08Idaho, like, uh...
00:17:09Idaho?
00:17:10Uh-huh.
00:17:11Okay.
00:17:12Um, Idaho.
00:17:13Mary Crew.
00:17:14Hi.
00:17:15Hey, my name's Tarnay Nay.
00:17:16What's your name?
00:17:17My parents call me Jane.
00:17:19My name's Colleen.
00:17:21I'm Olga, and I'm a Russian spy.
00:17:23Sue Ellen, and I am from Bakersfield.
00:17:26What would you say is your favorite feature?
00:17:29Like, on my cell phone?
00:17:30Or, like, in my car?
00:17:31My eyes.
00:17:32I love the, like, the sunroof.
00:17:34Look.
00:17:35It's automatic.
00:17:36I don't have to crank it.
00:17:37What?
00:17:40You smell really good.
00:17:47What do you think is your worst feature?
00:17:49My thighs.
00:17:50Your thighs?
00:17:51Yeah.
00:17:52Because they so thick, they good for kicking somebody's ass.
00:17:55Just kicking ass and taking the A.
00:17:57You should not be looking at my body like that.
00:17:59That is not professional.
00:18:00My nipples.
00:18:03That's impressive.
00:18:04Bikini models don't have bad features.
00:18:06Cool.
00:18:07What was the happiest day in your life?
00:18:08My daddy bought me a little pink bike with a kitten in it.
00:18:11Kitty, kitty.
00:18:12What do your favorite girlfriends say about you behind your back?
00:18:15Well, my favorite friends are books,
00:18:17and I'm pretty sure they don't talk.
00:18:19How would I know what they say behind my back
00:18:21if it's behind my back?
00:18:23Honestly, what brought you out here today?
00:18:25You pay me, right?
00:18:26I have a lot to expose to the world.
00:18:28Probably these guys right here.
00:18:30My parents always said, you know,
00:18:31in case getting my Ph.D. in neurobiology
00:18:34and double majoring in quantum physics
00:18:36doesn't really pan out,
00:18:37that, you know, you should always have something to fall back on.
00:18:39What does the idea, the bikini model,
00:18:42mean inside you?
00:18:45Is this, like, a trick question?
00:18:47Good luck finding that bikini model inside me.
00:18:52Oh, don't worry about him.
00:18:53He doesn't really give a fuck.
00:18:56You know, I'm totally throwing my heart out to him.
00:19:02It's hard work.
00:19:03Did you hear that?
00:19:04I don't know if I can do it.
00:19:06T.J., this was your idea,
00:19:07wanting to shape and mold the girls,
00:19:09transform them, touch them,
00:19:11change their lives?
00:19:14That sounds a lot hornier than what you say.
00:19:18And I can see some potential for the touching parts.
00:19:20Rise to this occasion, all right?
00:19:22Please be really loud.
00:19:23Take this and bring your big game.
00:19:26Really?
00:19:28Big game is...
00:19:29Is that it?
00:19:30Yeah, big game is good.
00:19:32I'm trying to give you this.
00:19:33I'm here.
00:19:34I'm giving you Denzel Washington to remember the Titans.
00:19:36You know what?
00:19:37Okay, you know what?
00:19:38Here, here.
00:19:39You want to quit?
00:19:40You quit, all right?
00:19:41I knew this was a bullshit idea,
00:19:42and I knew you were gonna back out.
00:19:44No, it's not.
00:19:45You know, some of us were actually counting on this.
00:19:48Yeah, some of us actually thought
00:19:49this could make a big difference in our lives.
00:19:53Really?
00:19:54Yes, really.
00:19:56Some of us actually started believing in you.
00:20:00Even me.
00:20:02What?
00:20:03You did?
00:20:04What about now?
00:20:06And some of us don't want to twerk anymore.
00:20:08I came all the way up to the valley.
00:20:10Y'all better make this work.
00:20:13Put your skirts on.
00:20:14Let's go, guys.
00:20:15Bikini models.
00:20:17Yeah.
00:20:18Yeah.
00:20:19Come on, guys.
00:20:20BMA?
00:20:21BMA.
00:20:22BMA!
00:20:29Left, right.
00:20:30I don't know what I've been told.
00:20:34Very nice.
00:20:35Very good.
00:20:36Very nice.
00:20:53Hurry up.
00:21:08How about face?
00:21:10Let's walk.
00:21:12Let's see here.
00:21:13Oh, I've got some split ends, but that's okay.
00:21:16Ooh, LASIK will take care of that.
00:21:18Great, great.
00:21:19Is that a bullet wound?
00:21:21That's okay.
00:21:22Don't even worry about it.
00:21:23Good.
00:21:24How about face?
00:21:26Okay, good.
00:21:27Model's looking good.
00:21:28We have some people, maybe.
00:21:30Oh, my God.
00:21:31Oh, my God.
00:21:32Look yourself.
00:21:33Get some crab powder or spray.
00:21:36Possibly monistat 7.
00:21:37Did you say clam chowder?
00:21:40No.
00:21:41No, no, no, no.
00:21:42Powder, powder, powder.
00:21:43Really?
00:21:44It's okay.
00:21:45Oh, my God.
00:21:46Oh, my God.
00:21:47No, no, no, no, no.
00:21:49No, no, no.
00:21:50No, no, no.
00:21:51Stop that.
00:21:52Oh, my God.
00:21:53That's disgusting.
00:21:54Oh!
00:21:55Oh!
00:21:57Give us a second, ladies.
00:21:58Come here.
00:22:00So, uh, what's our next move?
00:22:03Obviously, I mean, you can see for yourself.
00:22:06We've got a school.
00:22:07Okay, and?
00:22:09And together we can and will transform these women from the sad, pathetic, lackluster wannabe specimens
00:22:18who stand before us into something exotic, beautiful, alluring, attractive.
00:22:25Ladies?
00:22:29Okay, okay.
00:22:31Nice.
00:22:32A little raised by wolves, but...
00:22:36You cold? It's like 100 degrees.
00:22:39You look crazy as hell.
00:22:41You having a stroke?
00:22:43You having a stroke right now?
00:22:44Okay.
00:22:45Hey.
00:22:47Okay, yeah.
00:22:48Yeah.
00:22:49I like this.
00:22:50This is nice.
00:22:51I like that.
00:22:52Okay, good.
00:22:53Good.
00:22:54Hey, how's it going?
00:22:55Yes!
00:22:56That's what I thought.
00:22:57That's what I thought.
00:22:58Uh-huh.
00:22:59That's what I thought.
00:23:01Okay.
00:23:02You want it.
00:23:03You want it.
00:23:04Yeah, I can see it.
00:23:05I can see it.
00:23:07You don't want it.
00:23:08You don't want it?
00:23:13Okay.
00:23:14Okay, like a five.
00:23:15Like a five.
00:23:16Six.
00:23:17Six.
00:23:18Four.
00:23:19It's a four now.
00:23:21What did...
00:23:23What did you guys eat?
00:23:24Kale salad.
00:23:25I don't want some of that, but I do want some of this.
00:23:29Some tart.
00:23:31Okay.
00:23:32Yeah.
00:23:33Good job.
00:23:34Good job, guys.
00:23:35Okay.
00:23:36Let's, uh...
00:23:37Turn around.
00:23:41Yes, yes.
00:23:42No.
00:23:43Maybe.
00:23:44Yes.
00:23:46I know what that is.
00:23:47Okay.
00:23:48And...
00:23:51Okay.
00:23:53About face.
00:23:58I have looked upon the woman, and I have determined that we can and we will transform these ladies into beautiful bikini models.
00:24:06So, if you were looking at the new faces of...
00:24:12Bikini Model Academy!
00:24:13Yeah!
00:24:15Can anyone touch their toes?
00:24:21I can stand on one finger.
00:24:28Oh, wow.
00:24:31We'll work on that.
00:24:38I want to see those stints.
00:24:39Oh, okay.
00:24:40No, no.
00:24:41Whoa!
00:24:42Whoa!
00:24:43Oh!
00:24:46That felt really good.
00:24:48Everybody in the pool?
00:24:49Whoa!
00:24:53Come on, come on, come on.
00:24:54Ah!
00:24:56Ah!
00:24:58Oh, my God.
00:25:02Only thing missing now is the instructor.
00:25:04Ah!
00:25:07Good.
00:25:08Stand up on the wall.
00:25:09Kick with the other foot.
00:25:10Kick.
00:25:11And...
00:25:17Very good.
00:25:38Oh!
00:25:42Ah!
00:25:46Whoo!
00:25:47Oh, no, no, no.
00:25:53All right.
00:25:54Okay, ladies.
00:25:55I want you to walk for us, please.
00:25:58TJ's gonna lead this.
00:25:59Okay.
00:26:01Very good.
00:26:05Well done.
00:26:07Okay.
00:26:08All right.
00:26:09Let's go.
00:26:10Let's go.
00:26:24As of right now,
00:26:25you're not the upper echelon
00:26:27of bikini models that I've ever seen.
00:26:34But I believe
00:26:36that with TJ's help,
00:26:38I can mold you.
00:26:40I believe in my heart of hearts
00:26:41that I can shape you,
00:26:42that I can transform you
00:26:43into something
00:26:44that you will be proud of.
00:26:45Not just proud of in your hearts
00:26:47and in your body,
00:26:49but also in your mind.
00:26:54I believe.
00:26:57I-I-I believe.
00:26:59Bring it in, guys!
00:27:00Bring it in!
00:27:01Whoo!
00:27:04Let's go!
00:27:09TJ, look.
00:27:11It's a damn lawyer's letter.
00:27:12Man, these are so bad.
00:27:14From the Internet,
00:27:15Grub Snout must have figured out
00:27:17that we were doing a school.
00:27:20It's from some law firm
00:27:21representing our arch-nemesis,
00:27:23Grub Snout.
00:27:24And he sent a lawyer's letter
00:27:25threatening legal actions
00:27:27to shut us down.
00:27:28It also says, uh,
00:27:29do not ignore this letter,
00:27:30but they all say that.
00:27:32Well, that's that.
00:27:34Can I, uh, can I see that, bro?
00:27:35Which we handled
00:27:36in our usual professional manner.
00:27:39Oh, those two punks
00:27:40aren't gonna know
00:27:41what's gonna hit them.
00:27:42I'm so excited.
00:27:45By ignoring it.
00:27:46Yeah, it's gonna go down.
00:27:48It's gonna go down
00:27:49one big time.
00:27:51All right.
00:27:52I'll catch you soon.
00:27:53Which only made Grub Snout
00:27:56snoutier.
00:27:57Grub! Grub! Grub!
00:27:58Grub! Grub! Grub!
00:27:59Grub! Grub! Grub!
00:28:00Grub! Grub! Grub!
00:28:01Grub! Grub! Grub!
00:28:02Grub! Grub! Grub!
00:28:03Grub! Grub! Grub!
00:28:04Grub!
00:28:06Benji was really proud
00:28:07of his motivational skills.
00:28:09He really got those girls
00:28:10up and moving.
00:28:12Of course, he had help.
00:28:27But he soon came to realize
00:28:28he was gonna need
00:28:29a little bit of work
00:28:30on his endurance
00:28:31and stamina.
00:28:35Not to mention
00:28:36the spitting up.
00:28:45So, what do you guys
00:28:46think about the plan?
00:28:48Let's just give it some time.
00:28:49I mean, they gave us a chance.
00:28:50Let's give them
00:28:51at least a chance.
00:28:52Yeah.
00:28:53Yeah.
00:28:55And besides,
00:28:56we have nothing to worry about.
00:28:57They're paying us.
00:29:00Who is it?
00:29:01It's me, TJ.
00:29:02It's me, TJ.
00:29:09They want to see you.
00:29:11All of them.
00:29:13Do they have rope?
00:29:16Women can make rope
00:29:17out of anything.
00:29:19I want entanglement.
00:29:20I'm looking for entanglement.
00:29:22I'll take things tied up.
00:29:24I'd use handcuffs.
00:29:27I bet you would.
00:29:28I like women.
00:29:32She's a bad girl.
00:29:37With those glasses.
00:29:38He has, like,
00:29:39the yardstick.
00:29:40Bit of a naughty boy.
00:29:41Naughty boy.
00:29:43What am I gonna do?
00:29:46The best thing you can do
00:29:47is follow your heart.
00:29:49Well, right now,
00:29:50my heart is saying
00:29:53I could pop a window
00:29:54and escape
00:29:56or
00:29:58just tell the chief
00:29:59of that window anyway.
00:30:01It doesn't matter.
00:30:03Take a deep breath.
00:30:04You're gonna be fine.
00:30:06All up to you.
00:30:08And here we go.
00:30:10Hey.
00:30:11I need to talk to you.
00:30:12You owe us money.
00:30:14Yes.
00:30:15I do.
00:30:17Let's go.
00:30:18Let's talk.
00:30:22Hey, what's going on
00:30:23in here, you guys?
00:30:24Benji.
00:30:25There's a party.
00:30:26You guys didn't invite me?
00:30:27So, I just have a few words.
00:30:29TJ and I know
00:30:30you all have a lot of questions
00:30:31for us
00:30:32and you want to voice
00:30:33your opinions
00:30:34and we will get to that.
00:30:35But first,
00:30:36I had to see
00:30:38if any of you ladies
00:30:39wanted to try
00:30:40one of TJ's
00:30:41delicious brownies!
00:30:43Oh!
00:30:45TJ personally
00:30:46baked these brownies
00:30:48using all natural,
00:30:49locally homegrown
00:30:50ingredients
00:30:51and
00:30:52believe you me
00:30:53when I say
00:30:54they are amazing!
00:30:56Yeah.
00:30:57TJ,
00:30:58I know you were
00:30:59saving these
00:31:00for a special occasion
00:31:01but
00:31:02I feel like
00:31:03this right now
00:31:04is a special occasion.
00:31:06Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:31:07So, let's
00:31:08let's dig in.
00:31:09Come on.
00:31:10Absolutely.
00:31:11Absolutely.
00:31:12Pass them around.
00:31:13Everybody knows
00:31:14that a great bikini model
00:31:15is also
00:31:16also an excellent hostess.
00:31:23I mean,
00:31:24I don't taste
00:31:25in thicker
00:31:26wigs
00:31:27but
00:31:28I don't feel
00:31:29any pain
00:31:30either.
00:31:31Um,
00:31:32wait,
00:31:33wait,
00:31:34what did we come here
00:31:35to talk about?
00:31:38Is there any milk
00:31:39to go with these?
00:31:40Yeah.
00:31:42Whoa!
00:31:44Milk!
00:31:45All right!
00:31:46Yeah!
00:31:47What do you think?
00:31:48You want me to pour it on
00:31:49or just drink it?
00:31:52And this is like
00:31:53the most goals
00:31:54I've ever had
00:31:56in my whole life
00:31:57at once.
00:31:59Or
00:32:00or
00:32:01cumulatively.
00:32:06I was so desperate
00:32:07to get students
00:32:08into our academy
00:32:09that
00:32:11I would have done anything
00:32:12and
00:32:14you gotta admit
00:32:15paying you guys
00:32:16really was the only way
00:32:17to get you to
00:32:18to show up.
00:32:19Not exactly.
00:32:20I mean,
00:32:21I would have
00:32:22shown up anyway.
00:32:25And right now
00:32:26we're all so high
00:32:28Oh yeah.
00:32:29It may seem like
00:32:30we don't care.
00:32:32But tomorrow
00:32:33we might want to do
00:32:34bodily harm
00:32:35to both of you.
00:32:36Yes.
00:32:55Um, hello?
00:32:56Come on.
00:33:26Okay, everybody up.
00:33:27Hey!
00:33:28Everybody up.
00:33:29It's a fridge.
00:33:30Oh.
00:33:31Chris.
00:33:32Okay, everybody up.
00:33:42Everybody up.
00:33:50So this is your stable, huh?
00:34:00Morning.
00:34:02Morning.
00:34:04I'm gonna be sick.
00:34:10Watch out.
00:34:13Don't throw up in the pool.
00:34:19You know, I came here to serve papers personally.
00:34:24Make sure you guys are shut down for good.
00:34:27I really do have nothing to worry about.
00:34:31I haven't seen a posse like this since the O.K. Corral.
00:34:34Whoa.
00:34:35You're all a bunch of men with moustaches.
00:34:38Whoa.
00:34:40In fact, I've seen hookers on Van Nuys Boulevard.
00:34:44They're better than you, sorry pieces of shit.
00:34:46Whoa.
00:34:48Are you talking about the hookers under the bridge?
00:34:51By Sherman Way?
00:34:55Excuse me?
00:34:56Are you fucking talking shit?
00:34:58You cannot come in here and say that.
00:35:01Am I right, ladies?
00:35:02Oh, yeah.
00:35:03And who the hell are you anyway?
00:35:05I'm Gordon Randolph Beauregard Stalin.
00:35:10I own the Big Top of Dean modeling school and a bunch of other cool stuff.
00:35:13Perhaps you've heard of me.
00:35:16We have heard of you.
00:35:18And we don't like you.
00:35:20And your mom will be on Van Nuys Boulevard.
00:35:22Oh!
00:35:24Oh, what happened?
00:35:25She's crazy, bro.
00:35:27We don't like the things you say about us or what you just did to us.
00:35:31And your mom was a friend of mine.
00:35:33No, no, no.
00:35:34I would whoop that ass.
00:35:35Don't hold me back.
00:35:36She's crazy.
00:35:37She's crazy.
00:35:38She's crazy.
00:35:39Guys, guys, look.
00:35:42Little chance of that happening around here with the likes of you.
00:35:45Even if.
00:35:46Even if what?
00:35:48Even if you were united.
00:35:50What if we were?
00:35:51What if we were?
00:35:52Paddle up, everybody.
00:35:54Paddle up.
00:35:57I've got to be honest.
00:35:59I might just be trying to bust your guys' balls a little because my dad owns like three states and I'm an heiress.
00:36:04Which three?
00:36:05It doesn't matter which three.
00:36:06They're states.
00:36:07Please continue.
00:36:08Point is, I don't need the money.
00:36:10Then why are you slumming with us?
00:36:12I wasn't slumming.
00:36:14I just wanted to see if I actually had the nerve to become a successful bikini model.
00:36:18And I realize I do have what it takes.
00:36:21Yeah.
00:36:22I have the charm, the poise, and the bod.
00:36:26Yeah.
00:36:28Ain't got all day.
00:36:30So I don't have to do this.
00:36:32But seriously, that Grub Snout guy is a real jerk and I'm for anything that's against him.
00:36:38Oh, yeah?
00:36:40And I'll even fund some scholarships.
00:36:42You're so sweet.
00:36:44I got you.
00:36:45Speedy Gonzales, Speedy Gonzales.
00:36:46Come on, come on.
00:36:47Okay.
00:36:48Let's do this.
00:36:49Yeah, let's do this.
00:36:50Let's get this guy.
00:36:51Amy, on three.
00:36:52One, two, three.
00:36:53P-Brain!
00:36:57Oh, yeah?
00:36:58Yeah.
00:36:59Yeah.
00:37:00Well, put up or shut up.
00:37:02What's that supposed to mean?
00:37:03It means P-Brain.
00:37:05Or should I say 4.0 Putzhead.
00:37:08That was really personal.
00:37:09Coming from a guy who's called me Grub Snout since I was 12?
00:37:12Grub Snout!
00:37:13Grub Snout!
00:37:14Grub Snout!
00:37:15It's like a social ranking thing.
00:37:16Listen.
00:37:17It's like a mustang.
00:37:18Listen, man.
00:37:19You have a really huge side spurge.
00:37:20Let go.
00:37:21I've suffered, all right?
00:37:24You're still suffering.
00:37:25Believe me.
00:37:26Too much therapy.
00:37:29And yet somehow, not enough.
00:37:33This valley isn't big enough for the both, the three of us.
00:37:37So it goes down like this.
00:37:39We have a pose-down competition.
00:37:42Like what?
00:37:43Huh?
00:37:44What's he?
00:37:45I don't know.
00:37:46Go on.
00:37:48My best against your best.
00:37:53Our girls against your girls.
00:37:56Womano a womano.
00:37:58Here's the dealio, dork.
00:38:00Dork.
00:38:01Pork.
00:38:02Oh!
00:38:03Oh!
00:38:04Uh-huh.
00:38:05Uh-uh.
00:38:06We make a list of categories.
00:38:09The ultimate test of any bikini model's skill set.
00:38:13You can bring as many girls as you want.
00:38:15I can bring as many girls as I want.
00:38:18You've got someone impartial to judge.
00:38:20If my empire should somehow lose to you,
00:38:25uh, you can have my big-time bikini modeling school
00:38:29and my awesome paintball parlor.
00:38:32Oh!
00:38:33Paintball parlor.
00:38:34That's nice.
00:38:35Wow.
00:38:36Not bad.
00:38:39And if we win, you'll come around
00:38:40and we'll shoot in the ass, man.
00:38:42Yeah.
00:38:43The other part is this.
00:38:45If you lose, one, you close down
00:38:48and get that ridiculous commercial off the internet.
00:38:51See?
00:38:52I told you.
00:38:53Advertising works.
00:38:54Yeah.
00:38:55Huzzah, fossil face.
00:38:57Whoa!
00:38:58He is a national treasure.
00:39:01So like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted,
00:39:06one, your commercial goes away,
00:39:09and two, all your girls,
00:39:11including plain Jane and scary Mary over there,
00:39:15sign exclusive contracts with my school.
00:39:19I'll put them in my freaky, creepy division.
00:39:23Whoa!
00:39:24That's mean, dude.
00:39:25That's low.
00:39:26That's low.
00:39:27Don't you...
00:39:28And three, you have to leave the comfort of TJ's aunt's castle
00:39:33and vacate the valley, never to return again.
00:39:37What?
00:39:38What are you going to banish us?
00:39:40Who are you, Lord Voldemort?
00:39:42The more you grouse, the simply more afraid you appear.
00:39:46Whoa, poor old Benji.
00:39:48Don't cry.
00:39:49Want some milk?
00:39:51You also have to pass random weed pee test for a year.
00:39:55What?
00:39:56Comprendo?
00:39:57Think you can handle that?
00:40:00So, ladies and gentlemen, we have a wager.
00:40:04Is he ready?
00:40:05Yes!
00:40:06Ben, I'm next.
00:40:08Let's do it.
00:40:09You got this.
00:40:10Okay, mate.
00:40:11One, two, three.
00:40:12Yes!
00:40:13You know what?
00:40:14We're in it to win it.
00:40:16Let the games...
00:40:19begin.
00:40:22Bye.
00:40:24Oh, you're going down.
00:40:27Bitches.
00:40:37Hey, stranger.
00:40:39Hey, stranger.
00:40:41How are you?
00:40:43Good.
00:40:44Yeah.
00:40:45You look different.
00:40:46Oh.
00:40:47Like, good different.
00:40:48Thanks.
00:40:49Yeah, the girls have me working out.
00:40:51They gave me some style up.
00:40:53Yeah.
00:40:54Yeah.
00:40:55I really miss you.
00:40:57Yeah?
00:40:58Yeah.
00:40:59Well, you know, I've really missed you.
00:41:01Wait, hang on.
00:41:02Did you just say you missed me?
00:41:03Really?
00:41:04Yes, I said it.
00:41:05I've been smoking your favorite weed every single day.
00:41:09Chewbacca?
00:41:10Yeah.
00:41:11Oh, that's great.
00:41:12That's great.
00:41:14So, I heard about this big bet.
00:41:17Yeah, yeah.
00:41:19So, do you think you guys are going to win?
00:41:21I mean, I hope so.
00:41:23I mean, we haven't even seen the categories or the rules,
00:41:26but I can't even consider the price of losing.
00:41:29You know, I...
00:41:31I know he's your friend, but, you know,
00:41:34you have to trust that he's going to be okay without you.
00:41:37Well, you know, Dixie, there's plenty of good schools out here, too.
00:41:43So, you haven't been slipping it in, one of your models.
00:41:46Slipping it in?
00:41:47I cannot believe you'd not know.
00:41:49Those girls, they're like, you know, just like my sisters.
00:41:53Little sisters.
00:41:55So, what does that make me?
00:41:57Well, definitely not my sister.
00:42:01Ooh.
00:42:03Ooh.
00:42:04Hold my hand. Hold my hand. Hold my hand.
00:42:06Oh, I missed you.
00:42:08You ready to do this?
00:42:09Yeah.
00:42:10Oh, my God.
00:42:11This is so hot.
00:42:12I missed you.
00:42:13Oh, my God.
00:42:15Get ready.
00:42:16Oh, baby.
00:42:17Oh!
00:42:18Oh, God.
00:42:19Hey!
00:42:20Oh, I'm scared.
00:42:21You got your paddle on?
00:42:22Oh, God.
00:42:23Oh, baby.
00:42:24Oh, God.
00:42:25Oh, baby.
00:42:26Oh, God.
00:42:27Hey, what's going on over there?
00:42:29Oh, my God.
00:42:30I'm sorry.
00:42:31He's with me.
00:42:32It's okay.
00:42:33It's okay.
00:42:34It's all right.
00:42:35Ah!
00:42:39So, what kind of night before the start of the big competition party is this anyways?
00:42:44Come on, guys.
00:42:52I suppose not everybody's as excited as everybody else.
00:42:55Yeah.
00:42:56I get that.
00:42:59I mean, we don't even know all the categories yet, do we?
00:43:02No.
00:43:03I didn't even know there was supposed to be a party.
00:43:05You know, I thought we were just supposed to go to bed and think pretty thoughts.
00:43:11I'm sure the guys have everything under control.
00:43:14I don't know.
00:43:15I don't know.
00:43:16What's it going to prove anyways?
00:43:18Yeah.
00:43:19What's it going to prove anyway?
00:43:21It will shut that insensitive jerk up.
00:43:24Yeah.
00:43:25True.
00:43:26But only if we win.
00:43:28Yes.
00:43:29So, let's drink to winning.
00:43:31Yes.
00:43:32Yeah.
00:43:33Cheers.
00:43:34Cheers.
00:43:40I have returned to the scene of the crime.
00:43:42Here?
00:43:43Not yet, I think.
00:43:46We should go swim it.
00:43:49Like right now.
00:43:51I don't know.
00:43:53Shh, shh, shh.
00:43:56Shh, shh, shh.
00:43:57I'm doing it.
00:43:59I'm getting it.
00:44:00I'm getting it.
00:44:05Let yourself go.
00:44:07Take a chance.
00:44:09Just hit all.
00:44:11Like all day.
00:44:12Like that.
00:44:13Don't have to run.
00:44:15Don't feel slow.
00:44:17Open your heart.
00:44:19Let yourself go.
00:44:22Take a chance.
00:44:24Push it off, find a way
00:44:28Get up, get up
00:44:30Take a breath of love
00:44:32Open your heart
00:44:34Let yourself go
00:44:36Let yourself go
00:44:38Let yourself go
00:44:42Let yourself go
00:44:46Let yourself go
00:44:54Let yourself go
00:45:10Angina, would you give me a sign?
00:45:20Let yourself go
00:45:24Push it off, find a way
00:45:28Don't have to run
00:45:30Take it real slow
00:45:32Open your heart
00:45:34Let yourself go
00:45:36Let yourself go
00:45:38Let yourself go
00:45:40Find a way
00:45:42What do you say, girls?
00:45:44Should I give him a one-night-haul pass to Nirvana?
00:45:48You wanna come in?
00:45:50Let yourself go
00:45:52Let yourself go
00:45:56Let yourself go
00:45:58Let yourself go
00:46:00Let yourself go
00:46:06There was that carefree goof who thought he knew enough about higher education to open up a bikini academy.
00:46:11And then, bet it all against some rival stuck-up boy.
00:46:16Uh, he's in there, somewhere.
00:46:21Right now he's sharing brain space with a guy who's pretty sure he's found his perfect mate.
00:46:28But wondering when she's gonna see past all the bravado and fancy talk and realize that he's just a little lost right now.
00:46:41It's okay to be honest about how you feel.
00:46:45It's a little unnerving.
00:46:47You're very different from me.
00:46:49Look, my dad is a big and powerful guy today, but he wasn't always like that.
00:46:58He had to wait a long time for my grandpa to die to get all that money.
00:47:04So he wasn't a self-made man?
00:47:06No.
00:47:08I'm kidding.
00:47:10Of course he was a self-made man.
00:47:13But even self-made men don't know how or where they're going.
00:47:18And a lot of them change their mind on the way.
00:47:22What they do have is this absolute conviction.
00:47:29They go and they get it.
00:47:34They go and they get it.
00:47:37If this is something that you really want to do, then do your very best.
00:47:43And just know that the universe is gonna meet you halfway.
00:47:48Can you just kiss me and tell me everything's gonna be okay?
00:47:52Yeah, I'll kiss you.
00:47:55But swear to me you have some kind of angle on winning this thing.
00:48:03Can I tell you the plan after we kiss?
00:48:07Okay.
00:48:27So if we just inflate this and manipulate this
00:48:33and provide a few deliberately fabricated pieces...
00:48:48Great fortunes are made on the backs of scary challenges with significant opportunities.
00:48:53What?
00:48:54We can't let him talk to our girls like that, man.
00:48:56We have to do something.
00:48:58I know, I know, man, but a pose down competition, really?
00:49:02Something serious, okay?
00:49:04I'm talking about my girl.
00:49:07Colleen?
00:49:09Teej, Teej.
00:49:11I mean, Teej, can you even count her?
00:49:16I mean, do you even really know her?
00:49:20What if I got to know her last night?
00:49:24A lot.
00:49:26Tell me, how was the all-fired-up, go-team, pre-game sex?
00:49:33Dude, that's a personal question and none of your business.
00:49:39So I shouldn't say anything bad because she's standing right behind me, right?
00:49:43Exactly.
00:49:45And if you really want to know, the sex was good.
00:49:48Thoughtful. Considerate.
00:49:51Probing.
00:49:53Curious.
00:49:54And very oral.
00:49:56You know what? I'm good. It's okay. You don't need to tell me anymore.
00:50:00And, you know, your friend Teej here has a very big...
00:50:04What?
00:50:05Leans to the right a little bit.
00:50:07Teej.
00:50:09Teej, here you go. I'm going to go for a walk.
00:50:12Did I say something?
00:50:14All right, here, come join us.
00:50:16I'm going to have the image of his penis in my head.
00:50:18Enjoy it.
00:50:19Yeah. All right, see you guys later.
00:50:21Sleep on it.
00:50:25Oh.
00:50:30Is he going to be okay?
00:50:32Not if we lose.
00:50:34This whole world will have to change.
00:50:36Plus, I think he misses his girlfriend.
00:50:40What about yours?
00:50:42My world or my girlfriend?
00:50:46Girlfriend?
00:50:48Well, going on last night's pep rally.
00:50:52I'd say win, lose, draw.
00:50:56My world's already changed.
00:51:05Oh, I'm going to wipe the floor with those two.
00:51:08And their little girly pranks.
00:51:11Everything good you're in?
00:51:14Good. Good.
00:51:18That's what I like to hear, man.
00:51:21All those punks, I know what's going to hit them.
00:51:26All right, I'll catch you later on.
00:51:30Good to speak to you. Bye. Ciao.
00:51:41This isn't money, Bob.
00:51:44Teej, this guy, he wants to bury us and enslave our girl.
00:51:48And he wants to do it really, really bad.
00:51:52This cat is going to come at us with something surprising and unexpected.
00:51:56So, Teej, the question that we have to ask ourselves is...
00:52:00What is it we won't expect?
00:52:19What?
00:52:21The geniuses here? I brought the rules and categories.
00:52:25They're inside. I'll tell them you're here.
00:52:28They may not want to let you in.
00:52:31Come on, old man, open the door.
00:52:34What's going on here?
00:52:36I don't know, Teej.
00:52:38I don't know what you're talking about.
00:52:40I don't know what you're talking about.
00:52:42I don't know what you're talking about.
00:52:44I don't know what you're talking about.
00:52:46I don't know what you're talking about, man. Open the door.
00:52:49Hey!
00:52:51Yo, you guys, come on, man! I've got the stuff here.
00:52:55You stoners! You let me in, you pussies!
00:52:59Be the man!
00:53:06Be the man!
00:53:13You can be my little god.
00:53:15Be the man!
00:53:16You can be my little god.
00:53:19Follow me!
00:53:33I've got the walk, the style and the smile.
00:53:37Do I have what it takes to go the extra mile?
00:53:40The judges will watch and compare my score.
00:53:44The winner takes all, I hope I'm coming back for more.
00:53:47Time at the BMA, we're gonna sashay.
00:53:50Striping up and down the catwalk every day.
00:53:54And maybe someday, we'll go all the way in the bikini model.
00:54:00Straighten up and sit down.
00:54:01It's all right.
00:54:02Come on.
00:54:03Come here.
00:54:04Come on.
00:54:05Oh!
00:54:07Crap.
00:54:08What?
00:54:09God.
00:54:11I see you brought everyone.
00:54:13Not in here, idiot.
00:54:15Matching T-shirts, too.
00:54:18Real cute, guys.
00:54:19You know, it's not gonna change the outcome, but...
00:54:22Nice.
00:54:23What's that?
00:54:25This?
00:54:26Oh, these are the competition events.
00:54:28Give us one second.
00:54:29Come here.
00:54:32Look.
00:54:33Okay.
00:54:35This has gotta be rigged somehow in his favor.
00:54:37All right?
00:54:38He's got the events and we don't.
00:54:41Which means right now, but he has the advantage.
00:54:46I don't suppose you have this in list form?
00:54:53Matter of fact, I do.
00:55:00Come on, hurry up.
00:55:02The list and events.
00:55:06Just waiting for my team.
00:55:10Yeah, by the way, where is your team anyway?
00:55:13Yeah.
00:55:14Oh, my team should be here in any moment.
00:55:16He's probably got a school bus full of them coming up right now.
00:55:19Ah.
00:55:21Here comes the team bus now, chaps.
00:55:37Oh, damn.
00:55:39God damn.
00:55:41May I present this year's Big Todd McKinney Modeling School's
00:55:46ultimate competitive traveling team.
00:55:49Oh, yeah.
00:55:51This is just one person.
00:55:53I'm sure you can handle it.
00:55:55I'm sure you can.
00:55:57I'm sure you can.
00:55:59I'm sure you can.
00:56:01I'm sure you can.
00:56:03I'm sure you can.
00:56:05This is just one person.
00:56:07This, my friends, is the one, the only,
00:56:11splendiferous, the magnificent.
00:56:16Oh, my God.
00:56:18Yeah.
00:56:20Oh, my God.
00:56:21Yeah.
00:56:22Oh.
00:56:26Oh.
00:56:27Oh.
00:56:28Oh.
00:56:29Oh.
00:56:32Oh.
00:56:33Oh.
00:56:34Oh.
00:56:41Might want to wipe that up.
00:56:42It's all right.
00:56:43I'll just stand in it.
00:56:44God.
00:56:45So I know what you saw here, huh?
00:56:47Shock and awe.
00:56:49That was the idea here.
00:56:52You two are obviously pretty shocked and surprised, right?
00:56:55So, hey, now I've got the claim forms in the car now.
00:56:58Why don't you just call it a day?
00:57:01Your former girls can just sign over right now.
00:57:03Your little show of force?
00:57:07Doesn't intimidate us.
00:57:08I don't know, bro.
00:57:09It's just pretty fucking hot.
00:57:10We stand before you unfazed.
00:57:13This is war, my friend.
00:57:15And we're ready to duke it out.
00:57:18Well, don't say I didn't give you a chance.
00:57:20This is your only team ever.
00:57:22I need to spell it out for you, dumbass.
00:57:24There's no need for insults here.
00:57:26And we can put up anybody we want against her.
00:57:29Yeah.
00:57:30Yeah.
00:57:31As long as they're wearing one of your quaint little T-shirts.
00:57:34I think your money ball idea may not be that far off the mark.
00:57:37Really?
00:57:39What about the judges?
00:57:41Well, after you met Splendiferous, I didn't think he'd want anyone.
00:57:44Ah, so you didn't arrange a judge?
00:57:46So you didn't arrange a judge, and now you forfeit.
00:57:52It's the world famous actress, model, and celebrity.
00:57:56Oh, my goddess.
00:57:58That car must have a bigger backseat than I thought.
00:58:01Morgan, Morgan, be a child.
00:58:04Star of stage, screen, and TV queen.
00:58:07Hello.
00:58:08But most awesomest in...
00:58:10Dallas.
00:58:12And this woman standing before you is a classic actress.
00:58:15Especially on the series Friends.
00:58:18Thank you, Nick.
00:58:31Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.
00:58:34So, someone told me that there are games here today.
00:58:38I hope you've got a lot of coffee.
00:58:41Oh, thank you.
00:58:43Thanks.
00:58:44Thanks.
00:58:48Oh, you call this coffee?
00:58:51Oh, my god, this is happening.
00:58:53I'm so excited, I could scream.
00:58:57Let's see. For the first one...
00:59:01Ah, well, this is easy.
00:59:03Um, height, weight, and proportions.
00:59:11To make this a little more fair...
00:59:14We have invited a friend of Uncle Seymour's, Father Tim,
00:59:18from St. Mary Jane Rectory.
00:59:28Whoo!
00:59:30Okay.
00:59:31We have a split difference.
00:59:33Height, 5'11", 7'8", in heels.
00:59:37Hips, 36.
00:59:39Waist, 23.
00:59:41Bust, 32C.
00:59:44I got this. Sandy, you're up.
00:59:54Height, 6'1".
00:59:58Go, girl.
01:00:03Breast, 36.5D.
01:00:06Oh, yeah!
01:00:07Yeah!
01:00:09Waist, 20 inches.
01:00:11Yes!
01:00:13Hips...
01:00:1635.5".
01:00:18Yeah!
01:00:21Good job, good job, good job.
01:00:23Good job, ladies.
01:00:24Good job.
01:00:26So, for the first competition, it is a tie.
01:00:30Two points to each team.
01:00:32You wanna tell me what the fuck happened?
01:00:35I'll get them on the next one.
01:00:37The second competition,
01:00:39walking in high heels.
01:00:42And for you folks out there,
01:00:44a little warning, don't try this at home.
01:00:46It's harder than it looks.
01:00:55Oh, my God.
01:00:56Oh, my God.
01:01:04Yeah!
01:01:05Yeah!
01:01:09Yeah!
01:01:11Yes!
01:01:13That's amazing!
01:01:14Yes!
01:01:26Yeah!
01:01:32Not gonna happen.
01:01:33BMA! BMA!
01:01:35Sorry.
01:01:36BMA! BMA! BMA!
01:01:39BMA! BMA!
01:01:41So, for the balance beam,
01:01:44two points to BMA.
01:01:48And zero to Big Top.
01:01:51The next one is
01:01:53the backwash competition,
01:01:55in which we see who knows how to properly taste
01:01:58a fine vintage.
01:02:00Watch this.
01:02:01All right.
01:02:02Go.
01:02:03Oh, well, BMA seems to want to go first.
01:02:06Ladies.
01:02:07We drink a lot of wine where I'm from.
01:02:09Careful.
01:02:10Let's go!
01:02:11Fix it!
01:02:12Careful, careful.
01:02:13Fix it, girl.
01:02:16Closer, closer.
01:02:21Speed it up, priestie.
01:02:23Let's go.
01:02:30Hold it!
01:02:35Classy.
01:02:36Class act.
01:02:37Let me show you how it's done.
01:02:51Oh.
01:02:53It's a Mendocino Merlot,
01:02:552001.
01:02:57And it's a little on the dry side.
01:03:01Ah, well,
01:03:03the judge scores this one
01:03:05zero for BMA.
01:03:07Sorry.
01:03:08Two points to Big Top.
01:03:11Ladies, you gotta watch that wine.
01:03:14Well, table bussing.
01:03:20Cheers.
01:03:34You may not trust me after the last competition,
01:03:37but in my day job, I'm a waitress.
01:03:41And I'm even better after my first glass of wine.
01:03:45We're trusting you with this one, okay?
01:03:47Okay.
01:03:48Do not drop the damn train.
01:03:51Okay.
01:03:52Have fun.
01:03:53I won't let you guys down.
01:03:54You guys are awesome!
01:03:55Yeah!
01:04:01BMA! BMA! BMA! BMA!
01:04:05BMA!
01:04:06BMA!
01:04:07BMA!
01:04:08BMA!
01:04:09BMA!
01:04:10BMA!
01:04:11BMA!
01:04:12BMA!
01:04:13BMA!
01:04:14BMA!
01:04:15BMA!
01:04:17Whoo!
01:04:22For busboy balancing act,
01:04:24Sandy seems to be somewhat of a professional in this one.
01:04:27But we will split the points,
01:04:29one to each team.
01:04:30Come on, we should have got that one!
01:04:32Be fair, Morgan, fair child, be fair!
01:04:35Sorry, guys.
01:04:36I calls him as I sees him.
01:04:38Next category, or are we gonna be here all night?
01:04:41This one is singing, dancing,
01:04:43playing a musical instrument,
01:04:45those sort of normal beauty pageant things,
01:04:47so this is great.
01:04:54Blonde hair, don't care.
01:04:57I'm hot, you're not.
01:04:59BMA is gonna flop.
01:05:02Let's go big time!
01:05:05Go Wildcats!
01:05:15Let's go!
01:05:41BMA!
01:05:42Whoo!
01:05:43I suck on that.
01:05:44In the traditional beauty talent contest,
01:05:48two points to B.E.A.M.
01:05:49-♪♪♪♪
01:05:52You can't stop me!
01:05:53Otherwise, just like that, cheer.
01:05:55Go Wildcats.
01:05:56This takes us to...
01:05:59Olympic ribbon twirling.
01:06:01Pauline, end this for us.
01:06:04-♪♪♪♪
01:06:06Get her! Get her!
01:06:07Get her!
01:06:09Okay, girls.
01:06:10Stop. Stop. Stop.
01:06:12I declare this one a toss, okay?
01:06:13One point for each side,
01:06:15and let's just mercifully move on.
01:06:17Next, we have...
01:06:19timed chess.
01:06:21-♪♪♪♪
01:06:24Take that.
01:06:27Bad move.
01:06:29Bye-bye.
01:06:31-♪♪♪♪
01:06:33Timed.
01:06:35And it looks like we have a...
01:06:38stalemate.
01:06:39A draw.
01:06:40One point to each side.
01:06:41Good job, girl.
01:06:43Oh.
01:06:44The competition is really heating up.
01:06:47This is the
01:06:48can-you-eat-a-full-three-course-dinner event.
01:06:51Eat it for me!
01:06:53And as my Irish aunt used to say,
01:06:55don't fill up on the bread.
01:06:57So, you ladies ready?
01:06:59Go.
01:07:01Usually, you think that anybody
01:07:02can eat a regular dinner and dessert,
01:07:04but not models.
01:07:05What's that?
01:07:08I don't see anything.
01:07:10-♪♪♪♪♪
01:07:16Done.
01:07:17Very nice.
01:07:18Very nice.
01:07:19Oh, you have an extra breast.
01:07:21I call foul!
01:07:22Foul!
01:07:24-♪♪♪♪♪
01:07:27Disqualified!
01:07:29Oh, I'm so sorry.
01:07:31Oops.
01:07:32Oh, don't be a sore loser.
01:07:36How about if I just award
01:07:38the two points to B.A.M.A.S.
01:07:40Yeah!
01:07:42Yeah!
01:07:44Whoo-hoo!
01:07:46Huh.
01:07:47A little one-on-one water polo.
01:07:51Winner has to win by two goals,
01:07:53and winner gets five points.
01:07:57I'm not scared of you.
01:08:00Really?
01:08:02Ready?
01:08:05I got it!
01:08:06You're doing good!
01:08:07All right, hang in there!
01:08:09Aah!
01:08:11Aah!
01:08:13Yes!
01:08:14Whoo!
01:08:16Aah!
01:08:18I did it!
01:08:21Oh!
01:08:23Whoo!
01:08:25Whoa!
01:08:26Whoa!
01:08:27Mm.
01:08:29Okay.
01:08:32Oh, okay.
01:08:33I see how you play.
01:08:37Come on.
01:08:40Aah!
01:08:41Whoo!
01:08:42I did it!
01:08:43Whoo!
01:08:44Whoo!
01:08:45Come on!
01:08:46You got it, huh?
01:08:48Yes!
01:08:49Yes!
01:08:50Come on.
01:08:51Yes!
01:08:52Aah!
01:08:53You're so sick!
01:08:57Whoo!
01:09:01Spike, go for the spike!
01:09:02You got it!
01:09:03I did it!
01:09:04Yes!
01:09:05Come on.
01:09:08Yes!
01:09:10I did it!
01:09:11Yes!
01:09:12Aah!
01:09:13Come on!
01:09:14Aah!
01:09:15Whoo!
01:09:16Whoo!
01:09:17Whoo!
01:09:18Whoo!
01:09:19Whoo!
01:09:20Whoo!
01:09:21Whoo!
01:09:22No!
01:09:24Aah!
01:09:25Oh!
01:09:26Aah!
01:09:27Aah!
01:09:42So, after all the two events,
01:09:44our score is Bikini Model Academy, 11 points,
01:09:48Big Top Modeling School, 13 points.
01:09:52Yes!
01:09:53It's okay. Hey, we're still in it, guys.
01:09:56We're still in it, all right?
01:09:58Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
01:10:00The subtlety is overwhelming.
01:10:02Oh, this is nice.
01:10:03A classic facial-beauty pose doll.
01:10:07How about Jane?
01:10:08Come on, Jane. Jane, Jane.
01:10:10Jane, Jane.
01:10:11You want to read it?
01:10:12It's gonna be a blast.
01:10:13I love it.
01:10:14No, no, no.
01:10:16Nothing.
01:10:17Jane, Jane.
01:10:18Hi!
01:10:19Hi!
01:10:20Turn her off!
01:10:21Whoo!
01:10:24Your T-shirt!
01:10:36Goddamn!
01:10:37I'm sorry, baby, but she's got those yams.
01:10:39Those yammy yams.
01:10:40I don't know.
01:10:43Look at the black eye on her.
01:10:51Whoo!
01:10:53Look in the eye. Look in the eye.
01:10:55All right!
01:11:08Oh, that was good.
01:11:17Whoo!
01:11:19Whoo!
01:11:32My legs used to look like that.
01:11:42And now a new point total.
01:11:44We have two points for BMA for the beauty event.
01:11:47Whoo!
01:11:48Whoo!
01:11:49Whoo!
01:11:50Whoo!
01:11:51That fucking...
01:11:52Bitch!
01:11:53Motherfucking bitch!
01:11:54Whoo!
01:11:55Whoo!
01:11:56Whoo!
01:11:57That was for you.
01:11:59That was for me?
01:12:00You were so beautiful.
01:12:02I love you.
01:12:03I love you.
01:12:05Ah!
01:12:14And now we're down to the final event for all the marbles.
01:12:22Well, this is unusual.
01:12:25One-on-one bikini paintball.
01:12:30So the score is tied 13-13.
01:12:33The final result comes down to this event.
01:12:36This horn is both start and stop.
01:12:40So it's a two-point event.
01:12:43Whoever wins this wins the big prize.
01:12:46Just try not to hit us if you can help it.
01:12:54Ladies, goggles on.
01:12:58All right, good luck.
01:13:04Get her in the face.
01:13:30Hey, bitch.
01:13:32Hey, bitch.
01:14:0337 hits on Colleen,
01:14:06and 52 hits on Splendiferous.
01:14:10So, guys, BMA wins.
01:14:14Whoo!
01:14:16Whoo!
01:14:17Fucking win!
01:14:18Whoo!
01:14:19Whoo!
01:14:20Whoo!
01:14:21Whoo!
01:14:22Whoo!
01:14:23Whoo!
01:14:24Whoo!
01:14:25Whoo!
01:14:26Whoo!
01:14:27Whoo!
01:14:28Whoo!
01:14:29Whoo!
01:14:30Whoo!
01:14:31Whoo!
01:14:32Whoo!
01:14:33Whoo!
01:14:34What are you so sore about?
01:14:36Like you'll lose anything.
01:14:38Whoo!
01:14:39Whoo!
01:14:40Shoot him in the butt!
01:14:41Shoot his butt!
01:14:42Ah!
01:14:43Whoo!
01:14:44Whoo!
01:14:45Whoo!
01:14:46Whoo!
01:14:47Whoo!
01:14:48Whoo!
01:14:49Whoo!
01:14:50Whoo!
01:14:51Whoo!
01:14:52Whoo!
01:14:53So as I understand it, to the victor go the spoils.
01:14:57Isn't that what they say in Spartacus?
01:15:00Anyway, that means that both the Big Top Modeling School
01:15:05and the Your Ass Is Grass Paintball Park
01:15:09now belong to T.J. and Benji.
01:15:12Whoo!
01:15:13BMA!
01:15:14BMA!
01:15:15BMA!
01:15:16BMA!
01:15:17BMA!
01:15:18As soon as Grubby gets over here and signs off on it.
01:15:21One, two, three.
01:15:23BMA!
01:15:24Whoo!
01:15:25Whoo!
01:15:26Come on, honey.
01:15:29Ha, ha, ha!
01:15:30Oh, wow.
01:15:31Hey, hey, hey.
01:15:32Don't touch him.
01:15:33Oh.
01:15:44Ha, ha, ha.
01:15:45Oh, my God.
01:15:46He's such a fool.
01:15:47No hard feelings, man.
01:15:48What was that?
01:15:51Oh, oh, oh.
01:15:52Hey, no hard feelings.
01:15:53That is horrible.
01:15:54First big winner.
01:15:55Loser.
01:15:56That was horrible.
01:15:57That was horrible.
01:15:58That was horrible.
01:15:59Ha, ha, ha.
01:16:00What happened, son?
01:16:01He's fucking the ass way, isn't he?
01:16:02Ha, ha, ha.
01:16:03That is a great song.
01:16:06Baby!
01:16:07Ha, ha.
01:16:08You did it.
01:16:09We did it.
01:16:10Congratulations.
01:16:11I love you.
01:16:12I love you.
01:16:13I love you.
01:16:14Oh, my God.
01:16:15You know that man I was talking about,
01:16:17the one that I knew you could be?
01:16:19He's sitting right here.
01:16:21I'm so proud of you.
01:16:26Are you excited?
01:16:28So, we should have the accountants look at everything
01:16:30before we decide what to do next.
01:16:33That is, if you're okay with it.
01:16:36I think you were right about me.
01:16:38And about a lot of things, after all.
01:16:42So, does that mean you can hold on to the school and me again?
01:16:45Don't forget the paintball park.
01:16:47Good.
01:16:48I know you have your heart set on running schools.
01:16:51Well, it would prove that I fought through and through.
01:16:55I think you've proven a lot already.
01:16:58I'm not done yet.
01:17:06So, here's what I learned at Bikini Model Academy.
01:17:10When you look very close,
01:17:12there's no such thing as an ordinary, average girl.
01:17:16The boys were right, after all.
01:17:18There's a hidden, special beauty inside each and every one of us.
01:17:21If you just know where to look and how to find it,
01:17:24deep down, we're all bikini models.
01:17:27Catherine!
01:17:29Thank you so much.
01:17:31It's a dream come true.
01:17:35Scary Mary!
01:17:39What a surprise!
01:17:41Good job, Scary Mary.
01:17:45Blaine Jane.
01:17:49You got some yams, girl. Good job.
01:17:55Olga.
01:18:01Tom.
01:18:06Did you say Bikini Model Academy?
01:18:08Yeah, yeah.
01:18:09Sandy!
01:18:13You've become our finest bikini model.
01:18:15Congratulations, Sandy. You are now official.
01:18:18Kisses?
01:18:21I love you.
01:18:23I love you!
01:18:25Ella.
01:18:30Isabel.
01:18:41Ladies and gentlemen, Bikini Model Academy 2015 graduating class!
01:18:46Yeah!
01:18:50Yeah!
01:19:00Catherine is taking over her uncle's pig farm in Idaho.
01:19:05Scary Mary's going into politics.
01:19:07She's running for Congress.
01:19:10Blaine Jane is getting contact lenses really soon.
01:19:14Olga really was a Russian spy.
01:19:16She was recently deported.
01:19:18Sandy is keeping her day job as a waitress.
01:19:21She's also a successful part-time bikini model.
01:19:25Ella doesn't twerk anymore.
01:19:27Now she's teaching people how to twerk.
01:19:30Isabel just opened her first kale salad bar.
01:19:32Franchises are available.
01:19:35Sue Ellen is about to get a butt reduction.
01:19:37She's now a professional life coach in Bakersfield, California.
01:19:42Colleen is living happily ever after with TJ in Sherman Oaks, California.
01:19:48TJ merged the schools.
01:19:50And now it's the Big Top Bikini Model Academy and Paint Ballpark.
01:19:55And yes, sometimes they shoot at the models.
01:19:59Uncle Seymour and Aunt Ethel turned TJ's room into an indoor herb garden
01:20:03and his and her massage parlor.
01:20:05Seymour is getting a government grant to pay for it all.
01:20:09Trixie is auditioning new boyfriends.
01:20:11Her father, the gynecologist, is standing by.
01:20:14Dixie is the best chick ever.
01:20:16We're getting married in the fall.
01:20:18Herbal goddess, um, Gonjina Gonjina is doing just fine.
01:20:23Um, thanks for asking.
01:20:26Splendiferous and Father Tim were reintroduced at a Catholic singles networking event.
01:20:31They're now dating.
01:20:34And Morgan Fairchild is...
01:20:37Well, she's Morgan Fairchild.
01:20:40As for me, I'm back at grad school,
01:20:43getting a triple Ph.D. in plant botany, female biology, and musical theater.
01:20:50As for Grub Snout, he went into the family business and joined his mom,
01:20:54turning Trix under the bridge on Van Nuys Boulevard.
01:21:13Show me, show me, I just can't get enough
01:21:16It's all for one, one for all
01:21:19I'm gonna be the winner
01:21:21And winner takes all
01:21:23Down at the BMA
01:21:24BMA
01:21:25We're gonna sashay
01:21:26Striping up and down the catwalk
01:21:28Every day
01:21:29BMA
01:21:30And maybe someday
01:21:31We'll go all the way
01:21:33At the Bikini Model Academy
01:21:37BMA
01:21:38BMA
01:21:41BMA
01:21:43Down at the BMA
01:21:45BMA
01:21:46We're gonna sashay
01:21:47Striping up and down the catwalk
01:21:49Every day
01:21:50BMA
01:21:51And maybe someday
01:21:52We'll go all the way
01:21:54At the Bikini Model Academy
01:21:57BMA
01:22:13BMA
01:22:16BMA
01:22:18BMA
01:22:21BMA
01:22:23BMA
01:22:25BMA
01:22:27We're just gonna crank it up, crank it up
01:22:33Let's just turn things a little louder
01:22:39Shine on
01:22:43Yeah
01:22:50I am a rebel
01:22:52I am a rebel
01:22:57I am a rebel
01:22:59I am a rebel
01:23:04I am a rebel
01:23:06I am a rebel
01:23:08We're just gonna crank it up, crank it up
01:23:13Let's just turn things a little louder
01:23:20Shine on
01:23:22Shine on
01:23:24Yeah
01:23:31I am a rebel
01:23:33I am a rebel
01:23:38I am a rebel
01:23:40I am a rebel
01:23:45I am a rebel
01:23:47I am a rebel
01:23:52I am a rebel
01:23:54I am a rebel
01:24:10Yeah
01:24:13Shine on
01:24:16I am a rebel
01:24:18I am a rebel
01:24:23I am a rebel
01:24:25I am a rebel