#acharyaprashant
Video Information: 18.02.2025, Vedanta Basics to Classics, Greater Noida
Context:
In this video, Acharya Ji discusses the nature of relationships and the importance of self-awareness in breaking free from the need for external validation. He explains that our relationships can stem from two different centers: one rooted in inner ignorance and dependence, and the other based on inner assurance and self-knowledge. Acharya Ji emphasizes that strong relationships often mask inner weaknesses, leading to a cycle of dependence and fear. He encourages viewers to engage in self-reflection and observation to understand their inner patterns and fears, which can ultimately lead to healthier relationships. The video concludes by highlighting that true love should not be an expression of inner darkness but rather a compassionate connection that arises from self-awareness.
🎧 Listen to Acharya Prashant on Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/show/2QmVEAAnsNE7Xs0MW0Li8Y?si=09fbcbc7c99c469b
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Music Credits: Milind Date
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Video Information: 18.02.2025, Vedanta Basics to Classics, Greater Noida
Context:
In this video, Acharya Ji discusses the nature of relationships and the importance of self-awareness in breaking free from the need for external validation. He explains that our relationships can stem from two different centers: one rooted in inner ignorance and dependence, and the other based on inner assurance and self-knowledge. Acharya Ji emphasizes that strong relationships often mask inner weaknesses, leading to a cycle of dependence and fear. He encourages viewers to engage in self-reflection and observation to understand their inner patterns and fears, which can ultimately lead to healthier relationships. The video concludes by highlighting that true love should not be an expression of inner darkness but rather a compassionate connection that arises from self-awareness.
🎧 Listen to Acharya Prashant on Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/show/2QmVEAAnsNE7Xs0MW0Li8Y?si=09fbcbc7c99c469b
~~~
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00Pranam Acharya ji, my question is, how to break free from seeking external validation?
00:13I keep repeating the same mistake again and again, where am I going wrong?
00:20You see, we are made in a way that we will always have a relationship with the external.
00:33When we say internal, we mean things that we consider as part of the self, all that
00:42we call as internal.
00:44So the body, mind, thoughts, feelings, these we usually call as internal.
00:50And then these objects of senses, the entire big world, these we call as external.
00:57We will always have relationship with the external.
01:05The relationship can be of two very different kinds.
01:10One, when you know yourself and are sure of yourself within.
01:20That is one center to operate from.
01:25And second is when you do not know of yourself.
01:31You have never bothered to be authentic in your thoughts, beliefs, actions, way of life.
01:44Then that is another center one operates from.
01:48See, when one operates from a center of inner ignorance, then it becomes very necessary
02:00to depend on the outer and that is one kind of relationship.
02:11You can be greatly related to the other, very strongly related, very inexorably related
02:22to the other and yet you could be related from the wrong center.
02:29You could say you could be related because of the wrong reasons.
02:36The relationship can be very strong.
02:38The strength of the relationship may not necessarily be an auspicious thing.
02:46You can have very very strong relationship with the external and yet it could be from
02:54a very wrong center.
02:59And what do we mean by wrong?
03:00The center of inner ignorance.
03:05So I am not sure of myself.
03:07So obviously I have to relate very strongly with you to keep asking for direction, to
03:18keep asking for validation and assurance, to keep asking for support like a man very
03:31firmly grips his crutches.
03:42You are not sure of the steadiness of your gait, the firmness of your walk and have you
03:54seen how you very strongly clutch to something which you won't usually do?
04:06It is your weakness that becomes the strength of the relationship.
04:12Inner weakness starts showing up as the strength in the relationship.
04:22That's a very deceptive thing.
04:26All that you will see is a strong relationship but what it is symptomatic of is a weak interior.
04:39What is visible is a strong relationship and what it signifies is a weak interior.
04:50That's usually the case.
04:5899% of what we call as strong relationships belong to this category.
05:04The relationship is strong because the person is weak or the persons are weak.
05:17Hence the relationship is very strong.
05:25The association with the other is mighty, forceful because realization of the self is very weak.
05:45This should be cause for alarm but that's not how human beings are.
05:53We look at the surface of things and draw our conclusions from there.
06:02So two persons walking hand in hand, gripping each other very firmly, that to us is necessarily
06:09a good thing.
06:17A consequence of this sometimes is a period in which the delusion of such a relationship
06:33is broken.
06:34It should be from time to time because such a thing cannot be sustainable.
06:42So for a while you will find a person looking indifferent towards the world.
06:56We start thinking that this is a new kind of relationship with the external.
07:02The first kind of relationship was when you were strongly related to the other, sought
07:09his approval, his guidance, his support, everything.
07:14The other kind of relationship, we think so, is when you don't care about the other and
07:21you say nothing doing with the world and I am on my own.
07:25But both these relationships are from the same center, the center of ignorance and one
07:35is a consequence of the other.
07:37One oscillates between these two.
07:42You come too close to an object, obviously there would be disillusionment and then you
07:50would swing away like a pendulum and for a period it would appear that you are in a
07:56state of dispassion, I am done with the world.
08:08No you are still operating from the same center.
08:12So these two relationships are mirror images of each other.
08:16Let us not be fooled.
08:19But we said relationship is possible from another center as well.
08:25What is that other center?
08:27That is the center of inner assurance.
08:31A thousand times I have looked at myself, talked to myself, observed myself, not once
08:39but continuously and from there I have seen my inner patterns.
08:47I have seen my fears.
08:50I have encountered my inner demons and when I watch these things within myself, I am able
09:05to see the exact same things within others as well.
09:14But others probably are not watching it for themselves.
09:20I have decided that this is important, the watching and I will do it.
09:26I am watching it.
09:28The more I watch the center of all my weaknesses, the more I gain freedom from these weaknesses.
09:42The more I gain freedom from my inner weaknesses, the more I get freedom from the need to depend
09:49on others.
09:56A certain non-weakness arises, I am deliberately not calling it strength.
10:05It is closer to sahajta, just a free flow of consciousness.
10:14Strength is just too aggressive and too outwardly directed.
10:20We can probably avoid it for now or maybe we need not avoid it.
10:27Getting it?
10:31There is a freedom from fear and a freedom from the care of consequences.
10:44So now I need not depend on others.
10:50Now I need not have a relationship with others, need not have but just as I could see my own
10:59inner situation, I can also see that similar situation prevails in others.
11:08And from this, a totally different kind of relationship is born.
11:15When I hold hands, not with the purpose of gaining strength, but with the purpose of
11:30offering strength, from out there, the situation from both the centers might look similar.
11:45Two persons stand holding hands, but the inner reality is dimensionally different.
12:01In one case, you were holding hands because you were just so weak, you could not be independent.
12:09In the other situation, you are so strong that you can afford to be independent but
12:14real strength, sahajita, non-weakness, that real flow of consciousness, real strength
12:22brings compassion in its wake and that's what makes you hold hands.
12:32Holding hands in itself does not prove anything.
12:39Espousing a noble cause in life, that too in itself proves nothing.
12:47There are just so many people who turn towards charitable activities just so that they avoid
12:54looking at the inner vacuum.
13:04The fellow had a breakup. Next day, he was leading a campaign, say no to plastics.
13:13That won't do, sir. That won't do.
13:21The day you find somebody else, you will be throwing plastics and rubber all around.
13:31No, not that way.
13:47Operating from the right center, that's what matters.
13:52Otherwise, you might handholds with a man, an object, a woman, a cause, an animal, anything
14:01and it just does not end rightly.
14:20You could call it boring or you could call it very interesting,
14:22how everything ultimately boils down to the point you are operating from.
14:27Are relationships good? I don't know. Are relationships bad? I don't know.
14:31Depends on where you are coming from.
14:36Depends on where you are coming from.
14:57The funny part is when you do not know your own limits and weaknesses,
15:06when you do not know how to assess your own interiors,
15:12which is probably an easier thing to do because you are always available to yourself to observe.
15:19How will you ever know who to seek help from?
15:27People ask, how do we know what lies inside that other person?
15:33Especially young people. They say, how do we know whether the other is a fraudster or a gangster or what?
15:43He is knocking at the doors of my life. How do I know what kind of character he is?
15:48The funny part is, sir, how will you know the other person when you have never known yourself?
15:56This is the easier task among the two.
16:01What is easier, knowing yourself or knowing that person there in that chair?
16:10I do not know myself but I feel very sure that this one is the right one for me.
16:16Funny.
16:20I feel very confident of my decision. This one is the right one for me.
16:26I will seek help from that one.
16:31I cannot read anything. My eyes are gone.
16:35So, I am scrolling through the ads to determine the right doctor for me, the eye doctor.
16:45Ophthalmologist.
16:48Because I cannot see anything. Hence, I am reading all the ads.
16:52And from this, I will confidently arrive at a decision. This one is the right eye doctor for me.
17:04And we managed to feel very confident, no?
17:07Finally, you know, we had the right vibes and relationship
17:14progressed in such a natural and effortless way.
17:17We knew we were for each other and such things.
17:25So, do you even know what effortlessness means?
17:28Intuitively, we feel made for each other. So, do you even know what intuition means?
17:35But there is a certain security in feeling confident. So, we give ourselves that liberty.
17:43Just say, I feel confident. Just say, you will feel so good.
17:50The ego is so afraid of uncertainty, you know.
17:52Loves to declare, I am now confident.
18:04It's a thing that takes time and dedication. You have to be with yourself continuously.
18:15That's when you start gaining some assurance about yourself.
18:23And that's what empowers you to be reasonably assured of the other.
18:33Not bothering to go to the doctor.
18:35Not bothering to go inside. You feel all the more incentivized to just rush outside.
18:55And that will lead to all kinds of things in the relationship. Fear, dependence, violence, jealousy.
19:01I am gripping something for dear life. Will I ever let go of this?
19:17Is this love? Is this love?
19:24And if this one wants to go and have a walk, some fresh air,
19:29first of all, I will beg. I will say, I will lie at your feet.
19:38I am prepared to give anything that you want. But please don't leave.
19:45And if this one still insists on leaving,
19:47and why not? My life depends on this.
19:53This leaves, my life leaves. Why will I allow my life to leave? I would rather.
20:03Is there anything as violent as love?
20:08That's why. Because what do you do? What do you do with your life?
20:13That's why. Because what we call as love is nothing but an expression of the inner darkness.
20:20Inner darkness turned into a relationship. That's what we call as love.
20:27Is this somewhat answering the question? Yes. Thank you so much.