Relationships: Trust & Broken expectations || Acharya Prashant (2024)

Acharya Prashant

‍♂️ Want to meet Acharya Prashant?  Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/enquir...    Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books?  Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?...    Read 3 handpicked wisdom articles, just for you: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/articl...   ➖➖➖➖➖➖   #acharyaprashant   Video Information: 14.06.2023, GSE, Greater Noida   Context:  ~ What is the main purpose of a relationship?  ~ Why do bad relationships happen?  ~ How does the right relationship get nourishment?  ~ What mistakes do we make in relationships?  ~ What is our real purpose?  ~ What is our real Love?   आत्मज्ञान के प्रकाश में, अंधे कर्म सब त्याग दो  निराश हो निर्मम बनो, तापरहित बस युद्ध हो  (Poetic meaning of the Gita verse by Acharya Prashant)  Bhagavad Gita - 3.30    Music Credits: Milind Date  ~~~

Transcript

00:00Acharyaji, we have talked about friends and we have the freedom to choose our friends

00:11and elaborating on that thought, we don't have freedom to choose our family members,

00:19our relatives and the way we are brought up, the way we are socialized, there is an implicit

00:29trust that we take for granted, that we can trust them and we never question them, and

00:45that is where years and years go by, but when the environment around you is like that,

00:55when challenges come, problems come, then those relationships, the actual ones, they are tested,

01:09we are tested and so are others, and sometimes there is a lot of betrayal, it can happen to them as well as it can happen to us,

01:23okay, there must be some expectations of theirs that we are not able to fulfill, and there are some expectations of ours that they are not able to fulfill,

01:33I understand all that, I have gone through this pain also, post COVID, a lot of emotions, a lot of pain, a lot of trauma,

01:48I have risen above it now, I am functioning well, in fact I am flourishing, but what keeps coming back to me is the karmic account,

02:02first, is that a concept, do you believe in that, I feel that a lot of karmic account has been built up for so many years,

02:1323 years, in a particular way, never thought negative, nothing happened, neither did they nor did we,

02:25so what bothers me is whether there is such a karmic account and will I ever be able to liberate myself from it,

02:33I don't have any intention of taking revenge from them, I don't know about them, but how do I try to liberate myself from that, is there a possibility?

02:46But what is a karmic account, what is a karmic account?

02:50Yeah, first of all, I don't have that much clarity on that also, a karmic account is how many things are common, entangled,

03:02even now there are, memories, there are so many things which are entangled, so many things which have happened.

03:07All that is mind stuff, simply mind stuff, there is no account anywhere, it's just mind stuff, simple, nothing.

03:16Then how do you, how do we free our mind from that and move on and then again trust people?

03:28The mind is dictated by the ego, I, if there is something in the mind,

03:40it is only because the ego thinks that it is profitable to keep it in the mind,

03:49the mind is the house, the ego is the owner of that house,

03:57the mind is the house of which the ego is the owner, so if you find stuff in that house,

04:11it is because somebody thinks that it is of use to keep that stuff there,

04:17otherwise why would the stuff remain there, so if there are memories, entanglements and such things,

04:26then please observe the benefits you think you are deriving from them,

04:36there has to be a certain benefit, a pleasure that you are taking from them,

04:41otherwise they cannot stay there, I'll ask you a question,

04:47even in that pain there is security for identity,

04:53think of it, do you remember everything over the last 23 years,

04:59none of us would probably even remember what we had for breakfast day before yesterday,

05:04do you remember that, we don't remember that, so the mind selectively stores stuff

05:14and it very precisely follows the dictates of the ego, it remembers only that

05:22which it considers important from the point of view of pleasure or identity,

05:31otherwise you won't remember it, there is an auto deletion process inside, things get auto deleted,

05:40you must be wondering why, there is stuff that did not get auto deleted,

05:47it does not get deleted because we derive pleasure from it,

05:55we go back to it and we want to virtually repeat the experience to again have the experience

06:08that we once had, if that experience gave you pleasure, you want to revisit it, don't you,

06:15in fact you want to model your future experiences on the past experience,

06:23so to have a future in some sense remembering the past becomes important,

06:31once you have your source of joy firmly within you in the present, there will be no need

06:43to time and again go back to the past, in that sense it is the insufficiency of the present

06:54that shows up in a constant almost ritualistic hankering for the past,

07:04if the present is healthy, well nourished and demanding,

07:17full of the right kind of challenges, how will you have an opportunity

07:23to reminisce, be nostalgic and all those things and we all know that,

07:31right, when life is full of the right kind of activity or occupation,

07:42then there is no space for the past or even the future,

07:49and if there is a certain hollowness or vacuum in the present,

07:53then the mind fills it up by streaming in the past and by projecting a future,

08:01so the solution lies in living, forcing yourself, almost forcing yourself to live a fulfilling life

08:21and then those things will become too small to be remembered,

08:27right, yes. So you mentioned for the first answer right in the beginning of the session,

08:38you said that we are living hollow lives, then as a part of the answer to end the question,

08:44you mentioned that we need to have friends which move, which take us from the lower pleasures to

08:52the higher pleasures and just now you mentioned that we need to live a fulfilling life and

08:59there's nothing like a calming balance, so I would like you to elaborate on

09:04what is the purpose of life and what actually KIRM stands for?

09:11See, right since the moment of our birth, we are crying,

09:16so that's the purpose of life, to stop crying

09:25and it's just that we become nuanced and sophisticated enough to not to shed tears

09:35and that would be quite upsetting also and irritating to be always seen wiping one's face

09:45but internally there is always a certain gloom that shows up in the various mental states of

09:59of hope, of ambition, fear, even happiness and pleasure,

10:07attraction, attachment. Why is the mind so vulnerable to these things?

10:21It is because we are unfulfilled since birth.

10:27There is the one we are within, right, the I that keeps saying hello me.

10:37It's constantly saying I'm still not complete, something is missing.

10:43Don't you see we all remain desirous our entire lives

10:48and the fulfillment of any particular desire never succeeds in fulfilling us.

10:58A particular desire might get fulfilled, that does happen sometimes but still we never get fulfilled.

11:04So that points at the purpose of life, to see what that lack of fulfillment is about, to understand

11:17this self, internal self that is always clamoring, always complaining, never complete.

11:26What is that thing within and that understanding makes it then easy to be liberated of suffering.

11:37So mukti, that's the purpose of life

11:45and it's easy if we can just see

11:51where all our desires come from.

11:56The game of desires in itself is sufficient to

12:08to point at anything

12:15but we rush behind our desires or we sometimes suppress our desires

12:22but rarely do we understand our desires.

12:26If we can understand the process within by just looking at it, our daily actions, our relationships,

12:33thoughts, feelings, instincts, if we can look at them that proves to be very liberating.

12:44Yes.

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