Stefan Molyneux's lecture explores Jesus's teachings on non-retaliation, particularly "turning the other cheek," within their cultural context. He discusses the balance between forgiveness and the need for accountability, sharing personal experiences with toxic relationships. Molyneux advocates for measured responses to aggression, emphasizing the importance of clear communication and recognizing the character of others through generosity. He concludes by highlighting the relevance of these principles in modern interactions, promoting integrity and thoughtful engagement.
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00:00Good, good morning. Hope you're doing well. Stefan Molyneux, Freedomain.
00:03freedomain.com slash donate if you would like to help out
00:06philosophy. I would really, really appreciate that. Thank you so much.
00:10So, this is a passage that I have wrestled with for decades.
00:18And I don't think I'm alone in that. And I won't get into the details.
00:23We know the general, turn the other cheek. Turn the other cheek.
00:28If a man hits you on one cheek, turn to him the other cheek.
00:34Now, I mean, there are lots of details about this,
00:37which is a backhanded slap is to an inferior,
00:40an open-handed palm slap is to an equal.
00:43So, there are sort of details about this,
00:46based upon the culture of the time in Jesus' day,
00:49that are interesting, but not, I think, foundationally relevant.
00:54Because if you combine it with two of the other admonitions of Jesus,
01:00which is, if someone sues you for your shirt, give him your cloak as well.
01:07And you could pawn your cloak back in the day,
01:10but it had to be returned by sundown, because otherwise you'd be cold.
01:13And of course, if you give up your shirt and your cloak,
01:15then you are somewhat naked from the waist up,
01:18which would be considered very humiliating.
01:21So, there's that.
01:22If an enemy asks you to walk a mile with him, walk two miles with him.
01:26So, back in the day of Jesus, of course,
01:28one of the ways in which Jews and others were humiliated or controlled,
01:32was a soldier could order you to carry a burden for up to a mile,
01:37which was a thousand paces back in the Roman day.
01:39And so, he's saying, if your oppressor demands that you obey him in one matter,
01:47then convert it into a free will thing by going above and beyond to two miles.
01:52So, there's sort of local interesting things that were going on in Jesus' day,
01:58but interesting wrinkles though they are,
02:02they don't touch the foundation of the matter,
02:05which is, you know, to try to do good to those who do you evil,
02:13to pray for those who are evil and do you harm,
02:18and to feed those who oppress you and give them comfort and so on, right?
02:23Now, I mean, there's, of course, an enormous number of things that we could talk about.
02:28I'll just try and focus on the major issues here as I see them.
02:31So, the first thing that is important to notice is that this is not forever and ever Amen, right?
02:38So, when Jesus says, if somebody strikes you on one cheek, turn the other cheek,
02:45he's not saying forever and ever.
02:48If somebody forces you to walk a mile, walk two miles, right?
02:52So, again, this is double, right?
02:54One cheek, two cheek, one mile, two miles.
02:57And again, we see the doubling with, if he sues you for your cloak, give him your shirt as well.
03:04So, these are doubling.
03:06One cheek, two cheek, one mile, two mile, one piece of clothing, two pieces of clothing,
03:11and that's the commandment.
03:13That is the commandment.
03:16It is not forever and ever.
03:18He doesn't say, if somebody hits you on, slaps you on one cheek, let him abuse you forever.
03:24He doesn't say, if someone sues you for your shirt, give him your cloak,
03:32and your donkey, and your house, and your wife, and your slaves.
03:36He doesn't say any of that, right?
03:38He says double.
03:40Now, what is the meaning of double?
03:43And I'm going to get real personal here, because I have wrestled with this,
03:47and I have deployed this.
03:50It was one of the first moral instructions, and it shocks the sensibilities,
03:54because in many ways, and in many cases, and throughout most of the world,
04:00our instinct is to escalate.
04:02Somebody hits us, we hit them back, and harder.
04:06I remember, I used to play tennis with a guy, and it was kind of like a running joke.
04:12Whatever I hit, he would hit it back harder.
04:14He would never do a soft shot, never do a drop shot, or anything like that.
04:19No matter, you could hit it to him blistering, and he would often lose,
04:23because he would just always want to hit it back harder, and it actually caused him to lose.
04:27And that's not the most elegant analogy, but it was just sort of a fact that I remember.
04:33So, to do double, and then stop.
04:38Now, how did I liberate myself from the corrupt people in my life?
04:44Well, I gave them what they did not give me.
04:49So, corrupt people in my life lied to me, continually, really about loving me,
04:55but lied to me about a variety of things, and I returned to them the truth.
05:00I sat down with them, and I talked about the truth.
05:04The truth of my experience, the truth of my evaluations, the truth of my judgment,
05:07the truth of what they did.
05:09So, I returned good for evil, and that liberated me.
05:14I returned good for evil, and that liberated me.
05:18I mean, you've heard me a zillion times.
05:21If you have significant moral difficulties with someone in your life,
05:25if they've done you great harm, or any harm,
05:28sit down with them, and be honest, and tell them about your experience,
05:33in the hopes of improving things.
05:36So, if someone, let's say, was hit by her parents when she was growing up,
05:44my advice, of course, has never been,
05:46go hit your parents back, and harder, to teach them a lesson.
05:50That has never been my advice.
05:52My advice has always been, go and talk to your parents,
05:56and tell them the truth about your experience,
05:59and give them the opportunity for repentance.
06:04Because if someone has done you evil, and you go,
06:07and you approach them with truth, and honesty, and openness,
06:10and, of course, all of the attended and associated vulnerabilities,
06:14then you give them the opportunity to apologize.
06:19You give them the opportunity to repent, to make amends,
06:24and there is, in that way, the opportunity to begin the process,
06:30if that's what you want,
06:32at least the opportunity of repairing the relationship,
06:35or, you could say, really starting the relationship for the first time.
06:38So, with regards to those who did me evil,
06:41I sat down and had conversations.
06:46I returned truth to them, those who had dominated me,
06:50I returned vulnerability to them,
06:53and I did this usually on more than one occasion,
06:58and because I returned honesty and vulnerability
07:03to those who had lied to me and dominated me,
07:06and I did this usually twice, with my mother three times,
07:10but I think with everyone else at least twice,
07:13because I did that, I was liberated,
07:16and I don't have those corrupt people in my life,
07:19neither do I have a bad conscience,
07:22because, of course, the great challenge,
07:25if somebody hits you, and then you just belt them,
07:30you're taking a big risk.
07:32You're taking a very big risk,
07:34and I'll obviously go into what that means.
07:38So, let's say somebody slaps me,
07:40and I just punch them full in the face, right?
07:43Well, I'm taking a big risk.
07:45I've established a principle of escalation,
07:47which means they will now attack me with everything they've got,
07:51and also they may come back with their brothers,
07:53or their cousins, or their uncles,
07:55and catch me in some desolate place at nighttime,
08:01and do me great, grievous bodily harm, injury, or death.
08:06So, if somebody slaps me, and I punch him,
08:09then I'm establishing a principle of escalation.
08:12The person has already revealed
08:15that they have the capacity for violence,
08:17and escalation is the principle that I have established.
08:22Where does it stop? So, there's that risk.
08:24The other risk, of course, is that somebody slaps me,
08:27I punch them full in the face,
08:29that they might be injured significantly, right?
08:32They might lose an eye, they might lose a couple of teeth,
08:35they might have a concussion,
08:37they might fall backwards and hit their head against a rock,
08:39they might go into a coma, they might die,
08:42and then I have a big problem,
08:45both in terms of conscience,
08:47and in terms of legal repercussions, right?
08:50I mean, if I kill someone, I could die, of course,
08:54through the legal system,
08:55or simply through retribution from the person's family, right?
09:00So, escalation, where does it lead?
09:04Where does it lead?
09:06And they do say, you know, an eye for an eye,
09:09a tooth for a tooth, and so on, right?
09:10I get all of that, and that's saying that your response should be proportional,
09:14but it is very hard to make things proportional.
09:17So, if somebody slaps me, and I hit that person back,
09:21let's say it's a proportional response,
09:24well, how do I make it exactly proportional?
09:26I don't know exactly how hard they hit me,
09:28I don't know if they have any particular vulnerabilities, physically, right?
09:34They call this, in boxing, a glass jaw,
09:36like your jaw is just easily broken, for whatever reason, right?
09:39They might have a really loose tooth, which I might knock out,
09:42like, I don't know, like, they didn't knock out my tooth,
09:44I hit them back, even with roughly the same strength,
09:47then, you know, they might turn their head,
09:49and my nail goes into their eyeball,
09:51I mean, they could lose a tooth because they have a loose tooth,
09:54I mean, it's really hard to know,
09:55in fact, it's really impossible to know,
09:57how to respond in an equal measure, right?
10:01They could be older and more frail,
10:04they could be younger and less frail than me,
10:09in which case, what is proportional?
10:11So, it's easy to say an eye for an eye,
10:13but it's hard to know how to actually have a proportional response,
10:18an equal response to a provocation.
10:21Instead of defamation, so on,
10:23like I open a restaurant and somebody lies about,
10:25you know, they found a mouse in the soup,
10:28or something like that, they lie about it,
10:30well, how exactly are my losses to be quantified?
10:35I mean, some of them might be quantifiable to some degree,
10:38based upon fewer people coming to my restaurant right after,
10:41but stress, tension, you know, whatever,
10:45the cost and time of legal action,
10:48I mean, these are complicated issues.
10:50So, although it's easy to say an eye for an eye,
10:53it's pretty hard to put into practice.
10:57So, I mean, if somebody steals a book of mine,
11:00what is the issue, right?
11:03If it's some book that I'm never going to read,
11:05that somebody left at my house,
11:07I may not particularly care about it.
11:09If it's, you know, the diary of my father
11:11that I love and read every night,
11:13if it has massive sentimental value,
11:16it could be a record of all of my sales and transactions for my business,
11:20which could be complicated and difficult to replace, right?
11:23So, it's really hard to know what is proportional.
11:26It's why there are so many guidelines when it comes to sentencing.
11:29So, the admonition of Jesus is,
11:33do not react with escalation.
11:37Now, if somebody hits you,
11:40and you just kind of give them a weak shot,
11:43then you're signifying weakness, right?
11:46So, if you go too hard,
11:48you're establishing the principle of escalation,
11:50which could end very badly.
11:52On the other hand, if you just give a,
11:54like, just some sort of weak,
11:56wristed, flicky response,
11:58then you are perceived as weak.
12:02And if you are perceived as weak,
12:04then bullying and a continuation of these things,
12:08or a further escalation,
12:10might be it, right?
12:12So, I think Jesus is saying, with an immediate provocation,
12:15and these are insults, right?
12:20This is not a wound.
12:21A slap to the face is not some mortal wound.
12:24Losing your shirt is not a mortal wound.
12:28Being forced to walk a mile and carry a burden is not a mortal wound.
12:32So, he's talking about insults, right?
12:35If you're unjustly sued, that's an insult.
12:37If somebody slaps you, that's an insult.
12:40If somebody makes you walk a mile, that's an insult.
12:44This is not a grievous bodily harm.
12:48Now, when it comes to, in a sense, daring somebody to repeat the injury,
12:55what you're probing for is accident, right?
13:00So, if somebody hits you on the cheek,
13:02it could have been by accident.
13:03Maybe it was a case of mistaken identity.
13:05Maybe they have some sort of epilepsy.
13:08Maybe there was a dangerous bug on your face
13:10and they were just trying to slap it away.
13:12I know it sounds a little outlandish,
13:14but it could be the case that you have misinterpreted
13:19or they have misinterpreted the situation.
13:23And remember, of course, this is a time when men wore beards,
13:26so a slap on the cheek was not as painful
13:28because the beard would cushion a good deal of it,
13:30so not quite the same as a clean-shaven guy with an open palm, right?
13:35So, turn the other cheek is, do they want to injure you?
13:40Some people will slap someone
13:44because they have a sudden surge of anger
13:46and then they're horrified by what they've done, right?
13:50I mean, this happens in domestic abuse situations
13:53or there's a very sort of chilling scene in a movie
13:57with Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson
14:01where he's saying he wishes her dead
14:03and, I mean, Adam Driver's an excellent actor
14:05and he actually, you can see that he hates
14:08what his anger is making him say,
14:10and it's really, it's very well done.
14:13So, in domestic violence situations,
14:16a man may push a woman
14:19and then be immediately horrified at what he's done
14:22and say, oh God, this is terrible, I can't do this,
14:25you know, we have to stop,
14:27you know, maybe I need to go to anger management
14:29or get some therapy or we need to break up.
14:31So, in which case, the escalation is obviously much less likely.
14:37So, if somebody hits you on the cheek,
14:40you turn the other cheek to see
14:42if they're committed to escalation.
14:46Don't respond.
14:48Find out the truth about the situation.
14:50Are they horrified?
14:51Was it a case of mistaken identity?
14:52Did they see a bug on your, right?
14:54Did they see a bug on your cheek?
14:56Was there something?
14:57Did they have a sudden flash of anger
14:59that they then enormously regret?
15:01In which case, right, the de-escalation is,
15:03is the de-escalation going to happen on its own
15:05or is the person committed to escalating?
15:10In other words, do they have a conscience?
15:12Right?
15:13So, it's the same thing with being sued.
15:14Somebody sues you for your shirt
15:15and you give them your cloak.
15:17Now, if they greedily grab the cloak,
15:19even though they didn't sue for it,
15:20then they're greedy and predatory
15:23and sociopathic and so on.
15:25And even if they sue you for your shirt
15:28and then you give them your cloak as well,
15:30now, of course, a normal person,
15:32let's say that you owe them a shirt,
15:35they sue you for your shirt.
15:36Now, if you give them your cloak as well,
15:38they would say,
15:39no, no, no, I just need the shirt, right?
15:41I just need the shirt.
15:42Don't, don't.
15:43I just need my shirt.
15:44I just need the shirt.
15:45I don't need your cloak.
15:46Right?
15:47That's what a normal, reasonable person would do.
15:50If the person who only wants your shirt
15:53or is only suing for your shirt
15:54then greedily takes your cloak as well,
15:57then he's kind of a monster, right?
15:59He's just there to acquire your property
16:00without restraint, without conscience,
16:02without fairness.
16:04And then you're in a different situation.
16:06If somebody hits you in the cheek,
16:07you turn the cheek
16:09and then they hit you on the other cheek as well,
16:11then it's not a mistake.
16:13It's not an accident.
16:15They didn't just have some kind of seizure.
16:16They didn't, you know,
16:18you could hit someone in the cheek.
16:19I mean, I think everyone's done this at one time
16:21or another in their life.
16:23Or maybe you don't gesture as much as I do
16:24when telling stories.
16:26But I've gestured.
16:28I remember when I was younger,
16:29I gestured at a party
16:31and the back of my hand smacked someone in the cheek.
16:33And I was like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
16:35You know, situational awareness
16:37became a bit more of a priority and so on.
16:39So, I mean, it was a complete accident, right?
16:42And I certainly didn't mean to
16:44and I did my big apologies.
16:46But what if that person,
16:47if I smacked him in the cheek,
16:48he just belted me in the head, right?
16:51Then we'd have a big giant problem
16:53which was a result of an inconsequential accident, right?
16:56And I say inconsequential
16:57because obviously I was just gesturing.
16:59I wasn't doing, I didn't do any damage to him.
17:01I just kind of startled him.
17:03So, it's in a sense,
17:04find out the facts of the situation.
17:07If you're sued for your shirt
17:08and then you offer the cloak
17:09and if the person's like,
17:10yeah, great, I'll take that
17:11and your donkey and your house,
17:13then you're just dealing with
17:15a predatory sociopath
17:17who's greedily going to try
17:18and get everything he can from you
17:20and now you're in a situation
17:21where you know the facts.
17:23What are the facts?
17:26What are the facts?
17:27So, with the case of the Roman soldier,
17:29if your enemy makes you,
17:31forces you to walk a mile with him,
17:32walk two.
17:33Now, the reason that you do that
17:34or at least I think
17:35the reason you would do that
17:37is, is the Roman soldier enforcing the law
17:42or is he greedy for personal dominance, right?
17:48Because this is the great fear
17:49with law enforcement, right?
17:50The great fear with law enforcement
17:51is they're not in it for the law.
17:53They're not in it for justice.
17:54They're in it for power control
17:56and the humiliation of their subjects.
17:58So, if the law only allows the Roman soldier
18:01to force you to walk the Roman mile
18:03a thousand paces
18:04and then you say,
18:05no, no, no, I'm going to walk two miles
18:07and if the Roman soldier says,
18:08yeah, great, fantastic,
18:09keep carrying my burden,
18:10then he's gone above and beyond the law
18:12and it's no longer about the law.
18:13Now it's about his laziness,
18:15his desire to subjugate you to whatever, right?
18:18In other words,
18:19if you offer something more
18:22and the person takes it,
18:23if you offer someone
18:24something more than justice allows
18:27and they take it,
18:28then they're not interested in justice anymore.
18:30I hope this makes sense, right?
18:32Now, if the Roman soldiers,
18:34if you say I'll walk two miles
18:35rather than one with your burden
18:37and the Roman soldier says,
18:38no, no, you've got to stop here.
18:39The law only allows one mile,
18:40so I'll take it from here,
18:42then he's enforcing the law
18:43and he is, again,
18:44we can argue the justice of the law,
18:46of course, right?
18:47But he is not in it to subjugate you.
18:50He is not in it to get more
18:53than the local conception
18:56of justice or fairness allows
18:59and this can be very liberating, right?
19:03I paid a lot of money
19:05when I was younger
19:06to help someone I cared about make a movie
19:09and then I asked that person
19:12to review one of my novels
19:14and that person said,
19:15they sort of didn't do it,
19:17didn't do it
19:18and then that person said,
19:20well, it's your job to make me want to do it
19:23and because of my generosity,
19:25I was liberated from that relationship.
19:28I had another friend
19:30who inherited a car
19:33but he never bothered to get his license
19:35and he was a long way away from me
19:37and, you know, to see him,
19:40sometimes I would bundle up
19:41my wife and daughter in a car
19:43and drive through the snow
19:44for like two plus hours
19:46to visit with him
19:47but he never even bothered
19:48to get his license
19:49so that he could come out
19:51and visit me.
19:54So, I went above and beyond
19:56to maintain the relationship
19:57but then at some point,
19:59I was just like,
20:00meh, it's just one-sided.
20:02So, going above and beyond
20:04gives you clarity
20:05about the relationship.
20:06In other words,
20:07did my friend have empathy
20:09and say, well, gee,
20:10it's a lot harder for Steph
20:12to come visit me
20:13because he's got a baby in the car
20:14and all that kind of stuff
20:15and, you know,
20:16I should go and get my license
20:18so I can go and visit him
20:19which would be easier
20:21and better, right?
20:22Or, you know,
20:23even if he didn't want
20:24to get his license,
20:25at least he could,
20:26you know, take the subway
20:27and a bus
20:28and get somewhat close
20:29to where I lived
20:30so that we wouldn't have
20:31to drive so far.
20:32So, in other words,
20:33how much was I worth
20:34to this person?
20:35Was I worth him
20:36getting his license?
20:38I mean, he had a free car
20:39for heaven's sakes, right?
20:40So, was it worth him
20:42getting his license?
20:43Well, my friendship
20:44was not worth him
20:45even though we've been
20:46friends for decades.
20:47My friendship was not worth
20:49him getting a license.
20:51So, I understood that
20:52and I understood, sadly,
20:54where I stood in his hierarchy
20:56and it was basically like
20:58he was the king
20:59and I had to move
21:00heaven and earth
21:01to go pay court to him
21:02and I just didn't want to.
21:04So, going above and beyond
21:05reveals whether there's reciprocity.
21:08Is there reciprocity?
21:10So, if somebody hits you,
21:12and you don't immediately
21:14whack them back,
21:16you de-escalate,
21:18do they follow you down
21:19the path of de-escalation
21:20or do they continue to escalate?
21:22Well, that tells you
21:23their moral nature.
21:25If you react,
21:26you are obscuring
21:28the other person's moral nature
21:29because now they're not
21:31responding to their own
21:32potential conscience or values,
21:34now they're just responding
21:35to you at your escalation.
21:37You know, with regards
21:38to my mother.
21:39I used to give her
21:41a lot of money
21:42to help her out,
21:44but unfortunately
21:45she took all my money
21:46and poured it into the pockets
21:47of what was to me
21:48pretty skeevy lawyers
21:49to pursue endless court cases
21:51against people I did not believe
21:53were guilty,
21:54so I stopped doing that.
21:55So, I went above and beyond
21:56to find out if I could
21:57actually help her,
21:58but it turns out that
21:59to me at least
22:00she was taking
22:01the money that I gave her
22:02and doing negative
22:03or corrupt things with it,
22:05and so I had to stop.
22:07The last time that I saw my mother,
22:09when I told her
22:10I didn't want to spend
22:12all the time talking about
22:13her court cases
22:14because it had been,
22:15I think she'd been
22:16pursuing these things
22:17for like 15 years
22:18or whatever,
22:19and just every time
22:20it was just blah, blah, blah,
22:21court case, court case,
22:22and I said, you know,
22:23I just don't want us
22:24to have to talk about one thing,
22:25I don't mind talking
22:26about the court cases,
22:27but I'd also like to talk
22:28about other things
22:29from time to time,
22:30and so, you know,
22:31a fairly mild
22:32and calmly asserted preference
22:33resulted in her
22:34throwing things around
22:35and screaming
22:36at the top of her lungs,
22:37and I mean,
22:38that's very sad, obviously,
22:39but I can withdraw
22:40with no bad conscience, right?
22:43I mean, if someone hits you,
22:45you whack them back,
22:46and it turns out,
22:47like if at that party
22:48many years ago,
22:49I think it was the,
22:50oh yeah,
22:51I think it was the after party
22:52for when I played Macbeth,
22:55so if I whacked a guy
22:56and he just turned
22:57and belted me, right,
22:59and he was a good guy,
23:01but just obviously
23:02a volatile temper,
23:03and it turned,
23:04like he then found out
23:05it was just a complete accident,
23:06I was just gesturing,
23:07telling a story,
23:08and I happened to
23:09whack him in the cheek,
23:11he would feel terrible.
23:12I know I would, right?
23:13I mean,
23:14if I had some foul temper,
23:15and some guy,
23:16you know,
23:17was gesturing,
23:18telling me a story,
23:19and then I just
23:20clocked him on
23:21and knocked him out,
23:22I'd be like,
23:23holy crap,
23:24something's wrong with me,
23:25like this guy
23:26didn't even need to hit me,
23:27he was just telling a story,
23:28and I just put him on the ground,
23:29I would feel terrible.
23:30So, you're looking to see
23:32how the other person
23:33processes de-escalation.
23:35Now, if the other person
23:36processes de-escalation
23:37as an opportunity
23:38to harm you further,
23:40then you are
23:41in eye-for-an-eye territory.
23:43Right?
23:44So, you've got to find out the facts,
23:45de-escalate,
23:46see how the other person responds.
23:48I won't get into details,
23:50of course,
23:51but I remember being very generous
23:52in the business world,
23:53helping people out, right?
23:55And,
23:56when you're very generous
23:57in the business world,
23:58you wait to see
23:59if it's reciprocated.
24:00Is it reciprocated?
24:01Does the other person
24:02then say, wow, you know,
24:03you did me a solid,
24:04here's how I can help you,
24:05and so on, right?
24:07I mean, a friend of mine
24:08was looking for work.
24:09I moved heaven and earth
24:10to get him a job interview.
24:11Guy never even showed up
24:12or called to cancel.
24:14Oh, man, I forgot.
24:15It's like, okay, well, right?
24:17I sent a listener
24:19a fairly good chunk of money
24:20because he was broke,
24:21and he gave him coaching
24:23on how to get a job,
24:24and he got the job,
24:25but then he got fired
24:26within a week
24:27because he was up all night
24:28playing video games
24:29and didn't show up for work.
24:30It's like, well,
24:31I can't help, right?
24:33I can't help.
24:35So, it allows you to move on
24:38without a bad conscience
24:40once you've identified somebody,
24:42and I'm talking not about
24:44the context of
24:45my personal relationships,
24:46but in the context of,
24:48you know, the lawsuit
24:50and taking your shirt,
24:52and in the context of
24:54walk a mile,
24:55and in the context
24:56of turn the other cheek.
24:57So, if you find that somebody
24:59is corrupt and malevolent,
25:00unsympathetic,
25:01then you go from
25:03turn the other cheek,
25:04which is why it doesn't
25:05go on forever, right?
25:06Which is why there's
25:07a limitation on
25:08turn the other cheek.
25:09And the relationship
25:10between turn the other cheek
25:11and an eye for an eye is,
25:13if you turn the other cheek,
25:14and the guy whacks you again,
25:16it wasn't an accident,
25:17and he's going to escalate,
25:19and your de-escalation
25:20isn't going to work,
25:21so now you move into,
25:23you go from New Testament
25:24to Old Testament,
25:25you go into an eye
25:26for an eye territory, right?
25:27And this is what I've always said
25:28about, say, British people, right?
25:29British people tend to be
25:31very nice and accommodating
25:32until they're not.
25:33And this is because
25:35of the turn the other cheek
25:37to eye for an eye.
25:38So, I mean, over the course,
25:40I won't get into any details,
25:41of course, it doesn't really matter,
25:42but over the course of my life
25:43I've had enemies,
25:44as you know,
25:45and I will try to work things out
25:47with enemies,
25:48try to find some common ground,
25:49and if they continue to escalate,
25:51then I am no longer in,
25:56how do I put this nicely?
25:58I am no longer
26:00in a position of sympathy.
26:02So if somebody has really harmed me,
26:05or not really harmed me,
26:07but let's say trash-talked me
26:08or lied about me,
26:09then I will sort of try to fix things,
26:12and if I can't fix things
26:15because they're relentless
26:16in their hostility,
26:17then I no longer care
26:19what happens to them.
26:20And I've had people
26:21who've treated me badly
26:23over the years
26:24reach out for help,
26:25and I don't help them.
26:27I don't hate them,
26:28I don't even really think about them,
26:29but I don't.
26:30And I don't feel bad
26:31about not helping them,
26:32especially if they reach out
26:34without an apology,
26:35or if they reach out
26:36with sort of a mealy-mouthed apology
26:38and then demand help.
26:39It's like, no.
26:40So I'm no longer in a situation
26:44where I can be manipulated
26:46through empathy
26:47because I did the turn
26:48the other cheek.
26:50Are you dealing with a mistake?
26:52Are you dealing with someone
26:53who's hot-tempered but reformable?
26:55Are you dealing with somebody
26:56who's making an error?
26:57Or are you dealing
26:58with a truly malevolent person
27:00who's going to escalate
27:02no matter what you do?
27:03Well, those are two
27:04very different situations.
27:05De-escalation,
27:06when it's an accident
27:07or a flash of temper
27:08that can be reformed,
27:09is wise.
27:10It's good.
27:11That's decent.
27:13However, continuing
27:14to turn the other cheek,
27:15which is why he doesn't then say,
27:17and then, you know,
27:18lift up your belly
27:19so he can hit you there,
27:20and then lower your pants
27:21so he can strike your buttocks.
27:22He's just like,
27:23one cheek, two cheek, done.
27:24One mile, two miles, done.
27:26One shirt, one cloak, done.
27:29And if somebody continues
27:30to prey upon you
27:31after you de-escalate,
27:32then you're in
27:33eye-for-an-eye territory.
27:35Right?
27:36And then you have
27:38a good conscience
27:40because you are not
27:43acting in haste,
27:44you are not escalating
27:46prior to gathering information.
27:48You have firmly established
27:49that the person
27:51is a predatory enemy
27:53who will always escalate
27:55and has no empathy,
27:57no conscience, no guilt.
27:59Like when I hit the guy
28:00at the party,
28:01I was like,
28:02oh my god, I'm so sorry,
28:03that was a total accident,
28:04let me get you a drink.
28:05Right?
28:06Just real apologies, right?
28:07It was an accident.
28:08So he had no need to escalate
28:10because I was not
28:11aggressing against him,
28:13or, to put it another way,
28:15when I hit him by accident,
28:17I felt really bad.
28:18And of course,
28:19you can even hit someone on purpose
28:20and then feel really bad afterwards,
28:22and maybe that could be
28:23a transformative moment
28:24when you have to deal with
28:25a hot temper or an ill temper
28:26or something like that, right?
28:28So, once you gather information
28:31and you approach something calmly,
28:34once you gather information,
28:36you are actually mapping
28:37the moral nature of the person
28:39you are in conflict with.
28:42So, you know,
28:43when I spoke calmly to my mother
28:45who was aggressing against me,
28:47when I sat down with her
28:48and reasoned through
28:49and told her my experience
28:50and reasoned through
28:51what I went through
28:52and what she did and so on,
28:53then I clearly,
28:54I was telling the truth
28:55and not insulting her,
28:57calling her names,
28:58escalating, screaming at her,
28:59yelling at her, threatening her.
29:00I was simply telling the truth.
29:01So, my conscience was clear
29:02as to how I was behaving,
29:04and I did it three times
29:06because the first time
29:07can be a shock,
29:08the second time
29:09might be a manipulation,
29:11but if the third time
29:12you're still getting, you know,
29:13gas lit and lied about
29:14and minimized and so on,
29:16then that's it, right?
29:19Once is an accident
29:20or could be,
29:21once could be an accident,
29:23two could be a coincidence,
29:25three is a pattern.
29:27Once is an accident,
29:29twice is a coincidence,
29:31three times is a pattern,
29:32or to put it more accurately,
29:34once might be an accident,
29:36twice might be a coincidence,
29:38three times is a pattern.
29:40That's why I give the 24-hour rule
29:41when it comes to apologies.
29:43If somebody has wronged me
29:44and I talk to them about it,
29:46or they find out about it
29:47that they were wronged,
29:48that they wronged me,
29:49then if I don't get an apology
29:51within 24 hours,
29:53I write that person off completely,
29:54and that has never failed.
29:56That has never failed.
29:58That doesn't mean that years later
29:59people haven't circled back
30:00and apologized or whatever.
30:01We've even had shows
30:02with people like that,
30:04but in terms of what I can do, right?
30:07That's the journey
30:08they have to go through.
30:09So, turn the other cheek
30:11is find out the moral nature
30:13of the person
30:14who you think
30:15has aggressed against you
30:16or who has aggressed against you,
30:17find out if it's an accident,
30:18mistaken identity,
30:19a bug on your cheek,
30:20something like that,
30:21epilepsy,
30:22or here's another one.
30:24Let's say somebody hits you
30:27and it turns out to be somebody
30:28who is mentally impaired
30:30who was set up to do that
30:32by a bunch of giggling kids
30:33just trying to cause trouble, right?
30:35If somebody whacks you
30:36and it turns out
30:37he's not very smart,
30:38he was dared by a bunch of kids
30:39or paid a few coppers to whack you
30:41for whatever,
30:42so they could giggle about it, right?
30:44So, find out the facts.
30:47De-escalation
30:48finds out
30:49what happens with de-escalation.
30:52If the person
30:53continues to escalate
30:54after you de-escalate,
30:55then you can
30:57retaliate, respond,
30:58remove yourself,
30:59whatever it's going to be,
31:00knowing that you did
31:01the right thing
31:02and you found out
31:03the facts of the situation.
31:05If you see an employee
31:06taking money out of your till
31:07in your business,
31:09then you need to sit down
31:10and talk with the employee
31:11and if the employee says
31:12I am so sorry,
31:13like I realized
31:14I didn't even have
31:15bus fare to get home,
31:16you know,
31:17it was one in the morning,
31:18I forgot my wallet at home,
31:20I didn't have any cash,
31:21I took the cash
31:22to take the bus,
31:23here, it's back,
31:24like I'm really sorry,
31:25that was not right,
31:26but I didn't have
31:27any other way
31:28of getting home, right?
31:29Whatever,
31:30you can invent
31:31some scenario
31:32where the stealing is not
31:33some massive con-job
31:36ill-intent
31:37pilfering and pillaging.
31:39Find out the facts.
31:40I mean, this is what
31:41the law does, right?
31:42The law is,
31:43well, we're going to
31:44call witnesses
31:45and have evidence
31:46and exclude hearsay
31:47and so on, right?
31:49So, the law
31:51is there to find out
31:52the facts
31:53before the judgment is passed.
31:55And, of course,
31:56you can't have a court case
31:57every time somebody
31:58does something
31:59that's difficult
32:00or unpleasant for you,
32:01but you can de-escalate
32:05and see what happens.
32:06You de-escalate,
32:07somebody else escalates
32:08or continues,
32:09then you know the situation,
32:11the de-escalation
32:12won't work,
32:13and then you can
32:14remove yourself
32:15or you can escalate back
32:16or whatever.
32:17But, of course,
32:18you know, you think of,
32:19right, so,
32:20you can think of sort of
32:2118th century
32:22European culture
32:23or this happens sometimes
32:24in Hispanic
32:25or black cultures
32:26where somebody
32:28views something
32:29as disrespectful
32:30and goes to violence, right?
32:31So, this would happen
32:32with duels, right?
32:33You insulted me,
32:34we're going to
32:35shoot each other's
32:36arms off at dawn,
32:37right, the next day.
32:38Or, you know,
32:39you disrespected me
32:40and then, right.
32:41So, it's a way
32:42of just saying,
32:43you know,
32:44calm down,
32:45find out the facts
32:46and don't immediately
32:47go to escalation,
32:48but instead gather information
32:50about the nature
32:51and purpose
32:52of your, quote,
32:54attacker.
32:55Is it a genuine attacker?
32:56Does he genuinely hate you?
32:57Is he going to be relentless?
32:58Okay, then you can either
32:59fight back
33:00or you can
33:01move away from the situation
33:03and so on, right?
33:05There is, of course,
33:07the situation,
33:08and we've sort of heard
33:09of these situations.
33:10They're a little less defensible,
33:11but, you know,
33:13someone comes into your house
33:16at 2 in the morning.
33:18Well, you know,
33:1999 times out of 100
33:21or 9,999 times
33:23out of 10,000,
33:25that is a very bad situation,
33:27that the person is,
33:28it's a home invasion,
33:29it's a robbery,
33:30it's something malevolent,
33:31a thief, right,
33:32and you're in significant danger
33:33and so on, right?
33:34However, you know,
33:35once in a while,
33:36you forgot to lock
33:37the front door
33:38and the person thought
33:39it was their house, right?
33:41And I'm not saying
33:42that you should always assume,
33:44oh, it's just a drunk person,
33:45I left the door open
33:46or whatever, right?
33:47They think it's their house
33:48and it's just an accident
33:49or whatever, right?
33:51But, of course,
33:52you'd want to know that, right?
33:54So if you look at the person
33:55and it's your fairly friendly
33:56though slightly drunken neighbor,
33:58then you'd say,
33:59bro, you're in the wrong house
34:00and you're, oh, sorry, man,
34:01he goes back out
34:02or whatever, right?
34:03If that's what you would want to do,
34:04you wouldn't want to shoot him.
34:05You know, on the other hand,
34:06if it's somebody
34:07in a set of striped clothing
34:10with a Lone Ranger mask on
34:12carrying a big bag
34:13called loot,
34:14well, then you're
34:15in a different situation.
34:16That's not a case
34:17of mistaken house identity.
34:18That is somebody
34:19who's come to steal, right?
34:21In which case,
34:22you're in a different situation.
34:24So the great thing
34:25about Turn the Other Cheek
34:27is it gathers information
34:29and it allows you to act
34:30with justice and knowledge
34:32rather than react,
34:34often with escalation
34:35prior to establishing
34:37motive, intent, and conscience,
34:40whether the person
34:41has a conscience or not, right?
34:42I had a conscience.
34:43I have a conscience.
34:44So when I smacked someone
34:45at a party, I was like,
34:46oh, man, I'm so sorry.
34:47That was, oh, God,
34:48I feel terrible.
34:49Are you okay?
34:50A total accident.
34:51My bad.
34:52I'm so sorry.
34:53Although my bad
34:54was not a thing back then.
34:55That staccato shortcut
34:56wasn't really around.
34:57So to me, that's what.
34:59I've sort of struggled with this.
35:01What did Jesus mean?
35:02What does the moral commandment mean?
35:04And it really is the basis
35:06of our legal system,
35:07and it is the basis of
35:09being nice until
35:12it's time to not be nice.
35:14It's the old
35:15roadhouse thing, right?
35:16It's important to be nice
35:17until it's time to not be nice.
35:18And being nice finds out
35:20if niceness is going to work,
35:21if the person has a conscience
35:22and is willing to deescalate,
35:24and if they don't have
35:25a conscience and are not
35:26willing to deescalate,
35:27then you make your decision.
35:29And in my case,
35:31the decision in
35:33almost all of these circumstances,
35:35occasionally,
35:36I've rained holy hellfire
35:37down on people
35:38if they will not respond.
35:41And so at times in my life,
35:43I've rained holy hellfire
35:45down on people,
35:47and I won't get into those details,
35:49but it's happened.
35:51But that's only after
35:52significant periods of negotiation.
35:55But in most circumstances,
35:57I will simply detach myself
35:59from the relationship
36:00and will move on
36:03without any bad conscience
36:05about what happens
36:06to those people in the future.
36:07I gave it my best shot.
36:09I did my very best.
36:10I returned honesty for lies.
36:12I returned integrity for corruption.
36:14I returned truth for falsehood.
36:16I returned deescalation
36:17for escalation.
36:19And then if the person
36:20still continues to double down,
36:21lie, gaslight, manipulate,
36:22be corrupt,
36:24and abuse my sense of reality
36:26for their own personal,
36:27petty, emotional,
36:28or financial gain,
36:29then I can walk on,
36:30and I'm telling you, man,
36:31being able to walk on
36:32with a good conscience
36:33is one of the greatest gifts in life.
36:35I don't look back and say,
36:36ooh, I should have given
36:37that person another chance,
36:38or ooh, I should have tried this,
36:40I should have tried that.
36:41I just, I don't.
36:42I have a good, clean conscience,
36:44and it's because I applied
36:46turn the other cheek.
36:47I have a good, clean conscience,
36:49and I no longer have to worry about
36:51bad things that happen to people
36:56because their moral nature
36:58has been revealed,
36:59and we have empathy
37:01for the empathetic.
37:02If you have empathy
37:03for the soulless sociopaths
37:05in the world,
37:06you will just be
37:07taken advantage of,
37:08bled dry,
37:09and exploited, right?
37:12So, I reserve my empathy
37:14for those who are empathetic,
37:15but in order to find out
37:16whether they're empathetic,
37:17I need to turn the other cheek
37:18and see if escalations continue.
37:20So, it is a highly recommended path,
37:23and it is really the best way
37:25to avoid the two poles in life, right?
37:27So, if you don't act
37:28to protect yourself,
37:30then you are exploited,
37:31and pillaged,
37:32and have no life,
37:33and are a slave
37:34to corrupt evildoers.
37:36If you act too hastily,
37:39then you have regret
37:42at not finding out the facts
37:44before being too volatile,
37:46and of course,
37:47the more you train yourself
37:48to react and escalate
37:49without finding out the facts,
37:50the more dangerous you become
37:51in personal relationships,
37:53and the less likely
37:54honorable good people
37:55will want to spend
37:56any time with you,
37:57so you end up trapped
37:58either with corrupt people
37:59or no one,
38:00which leads to significant regret.
38:02So, I hope that helps,
38:04and I hope this clarifies
38:06at least my perspective
38:07on these very powerful verses.
38:11And, yeah, we don't want a mob
38:13to just stone people to death, right?
38:15We want to find out the facts
38:16before we punish,
38:17and that means not escalating
38:19and finding out
38:20the true moral nature
38:21of our, perhaps, opponents.
38:25All right, freedomain.com
38:26slash donate.
38:27Come on, you know this stuff
38:28is super helpful
38:29and super powerful as well.
38:30So, I hope that you will
38:31help out the show
38:32at freedomain.com slash donate,
38:33and have yourself
38:34a beautiful, beautiful day.
38:35I'll talk to you soon.
38:36Bye.