Ellie Palma-Cass shares her story s part of the NHS Greater Manchester’s Shining a Light on Suicide campaign
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00:00So, my name's Ellie Palmer Cass. I live here in Wigan. I'm a writer and an author. I'm
00:10the founder of Epic Hope, a suicide prevention organisation. And the reason that was started
00:16is because I have lived with suicidal ideation since the age of 12. I suffered a lot of trauma
00:24and things that went wrong in my childhood. And the suicidal ideation actually really
00:30followed me through most of my young adult life. It was always so powerful. It was like
00:36a big, black, dark cloud upon me. So, by the time I got to 30, I think that's when I hit
00:41rock bottom and I just thought, I can't do this anymore and I've got to end it to take
00:49my life. I just cried out. I cried out for help. Still, to this day, I know I look emotional
00:57but I'm so glad I'm here and that I'm alive. Not long after that, I did find my faith.
01:04And over the years, my faith has probably kept me alive. I do have times when I can
01:10feel suicidal. But I think I've learnt over the years to manage that little part of myself.
01:16There's so much more to me. But if you're a person that has struggled all your life,
01:21please don't feel like you're a failure. Just try and get through what you're going through
01:25now. And if you're surrounded with the right people, the right support and you know where
01:30to go, it's always going to be there for you. My days are very, very busy. We have harbours,
01:37which are places where people can go to for a brew and a chat if they're struggling with
01:43depression or anxiety. And we aim to help people who are close to suicidal crisis. My
01:49daughter Rhiannon has joined us in Epic Hope as Deputy Service Lead. And she's just a massive
01:56part of my story. She's so supportive. Now, if somebody is watching this and they just
02:01think nobody feels this rock bottom, I've been there. The next day, something can happen
02:10that can just bring you out of that depression, can just change your life. The night before
02:17is just another night to you. But you don't know that next day is coming. And that's always
02:23something that I think about and like to tell people about.