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WATCH: a bonus Worst Match Ever episode, Scott Steiner vs. Triple H from Royal Rumble 2003 on our Patreon! 👉 https://www.patreon.com/wrestletalk
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Read more Feature content here on WrestleTalk.com: https://wrestletalk.com/features/
Youtube Channel Comments Policy
We appreciate the comments and opinions our viewers provide. Do note that all comments are subject to YouTube auto-moderation and manual moderation review. We encourage opinions and discussion, but harassment, hate speech, bullying and other abusive posts will not be tolerated. Decisions on comment removal are made by the Community Manager. Please email us at support@wrestletalk.com with any questions or concerns.
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SportsTranscript
00:00Beads!
00:01Look at all the bits!
00:02I don't know why the bits have beads in them.
00:05What is this?
00:06There's so many!
00:07Glow-in-the-dark bits everywhere!
00:09My name is Luke Owen, and I love bad wrestling.
00:12Join me on my journey through a cavalcade of crapness, watching what many believe to
00:17be the worst wrestling matches of all time, to make my friends, and you, fall in love
00:23with bad wrestling too.
00:24This is my quest to find the worst match ever.
00:33Welcome to Worst Match Ever, I'm Luke Owen, I'm joined by Tempest, and I'm joined by
00:37Sullivan, and we are on a quest to find the worst match ever, and by its very definition,
00:43the best worst match ever.
00:45It's January, it's supposed to be rumble season, although it's happening in February
00:50this year, which is not... not...
00:53It's weird, because we all keep saying it's happening in February, it's like the first
00:55of February, it's still basically January, but it doesn't feel right, and that means
00:59that we're going to watch something from a Royal Rumble, Tempest, what are we watching?
01:04Well, these episodes would be very long if we took one of the Royal Rumble matches, and
01:10we may do that at some point, however, I went through the most recent years of Royal Rumbles
01:15and found a match that is widely considered a massive misfire.
01:21So today, we're watching the Mountain Dew pitch black match.
01:27Oh, goody.
01:34Tempest!
01:40Tempest!
01:43I have a tummy ache.
01:48Tempest!
01:49A tummy ache, you say?
01:51Yeah, I've got a tummy ache.
01:53Hang on, who are you?
01:55I'm the Boring Food Man.
01:57The Boring Food Man?
01:58The Boring Food Man.
01:59But how are you going to cure my tummy ache?
02:02I'm going to give you so much boring food, that you'll be busy complaining about how
02:06boring this food is, rather than about your tummy ache.
02:09No, I don't want boring food, I'll be bored.
02:12Only the boring get bored, Luke.
02:14Only the boring get bored.
02:16Have you tried Magic Spoon?
02:18Magic Spoon?
02:19Yeah, Magic Spoon.
02:20It's quite possibly the opposite of boring.
02:23No, Luke, don't listen to him.
02:24He's spewing lies.
02:26Magic Spoon is a delicious, high-protein cereal that has no artificial flavoring.
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02:42It's the ideal protein on the go.
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02:55And Magic Spoon is so confident in their product, it's backed with a 100% happiness guarantee
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03:05So click the link in the description to go to magicspoon.com slash PFK or scan the QR
03:09code on screen now for $5 off.
03:12No!
03:13Interesting, lovely, high-protein food!
03:15My one weakness!
03:17Out with you, boring food man!
03:19Aaaaaaah!
03:23Oh, it's a pull door.
03:25I'm pushing it, it's just not working!
03:26You said it's a pull door!
03:28I'm pushing it, I'm pushing it!
03:29No, no, you have to pull it!
03:35Well, this is a new low.
03:38Aaaaaaah!
03:45What a weird thing.
03:46Oh, I'm gonna...
03:47Can I have some of the Magic Spoon now?
03:49Oh, I don't know.
03:54Greetings Worst Match Ever fans!
03:55Just to let you know, we have a brand new exclusive episode of Worst Match Ever available
04:00right now over at patreon.com forward slash WrestleTalk, where we watch Triple H versus
04:05Scott Steiner from the Royal Rumble 2003.
04:08It's really bad.
04:10You should watch it, though.
04:11Come watch it with us, and here's a clip.
04:13Is this the Scott Steiner match?
04:15This is the Scott Steiner match!
04:17Oh, yes!
04:19Oh!
04:20Very good, very good!
04:24I have not watched this match since it happened.
04:27I did live reactions for this.
04:29I have not watched it since.
04:31We did live reactions together for this.
04:33That's right, yeah, we did.
04:34Myself and Social Media Abby.
04:35That's right.
04:36And I watched this from the comfort of my own home at the same time.
04:42That's right.
04:43Yeah.
04:44I left your home to go and do the live reaction.
04:46Yes, yes you did.
04:47And you won the jamble, and you were like, oh no, I'm still not available.
04:51Not free for the Wrestlemania.
04:53Yeah.
04:54Didn't tell me that in advance, though, did you Sullivan?
04:56Because I realized during the match.
04:58Yeah.
05:00But what I will say is that I remember going into this match,
05:03I didn't have high hopes.
05:05Because I didn't know what a Mountain Dew match would pertain.
05:09None of us did.
05:10No.
05:11I think what kind of made us feel a little bit bummed out about this match
05:14is that this is the first match of Bray Wyatt since his return.
05:19And it's a sponsored match with a silly gimmick attached to it.
05:25I remember being really bummed out about that
05:27because he came back and he was doing these awesome promos on SmackDown
05:31where he was so different from what he was doing as the cult leader
05:35or the fiend and stuff.
05:37And I was like, oh man, I can't wait to see what this translates to in the ring.
05:40He was like, oh no, you're going to be for Mountain Dew
05:43and their new flavor.
05:46Because no one does brand integrations like WWE.
05:49No.
05:52They really, really, really did it.
05:57There it is.
05:58The Mountain Dew pitch black match.
06:01So you spoke about it and all that.
06:06I don't know if there has ever been a match
06:12that was less appropriate for a sponsorship wackiness deal.
06:19Because there have been worse ones.
06:22The zombie match.
06:24Army of the Dead.
06:25Pete's Heart Battle Royal.
06:26Sure.
06:27There have been worse matches that were done.
06:30Bless you.
06:31Bless you.
06:32Bless you.
06:34While I'm breaking it down.
06:35Do you mind, Buffy?
06:36I'm trying to repress.
06:37There have been worse sponsorship matches.
06:41But I don't know if there's been one that was less appropriate.
06:44Yeah.
06:45You know?
06:46This was Bray Wyatt's first match back.
06:50That was built up to.
06:52Because remember, this is the Royal Rumble at the end of January.
06:55And he returned in mid-September.
06:58Yeah.
06:59At Extreme Rules.
07:00It was a really long build up.
07:02Such a shame, man.
07:04This is obviously his last match.
07:06This is his last match, yeah?
07:07Yeah.
07:08That sucks.
07:09I've seen people get on me a little bit for this.
07:13But I hate all the sponsorship stuff.
07:15Yeah.
07:16I can't stand it.
07:17Oh, it's a business.
07:18F*** off.
07:19Well, I get that it's a business.
07:21But some of it's so egregious.
07:22And I think a lot of it detracts from.
07:24I think it's all I can focus on.
07:25It's like the Rey-Dom match.
07:27Yeah.
07:28And it's just like this emotionally charged father versus son match.
07:31And there's a f***ing dancing Cinnamon Toast Crunch at ringside.
07:35It's all I can see.
07:37There are ways to do it properly.
07:39I think having the big dancing Prime Bottle in a Logan Paul match.
07:43Because he's supposed to be the heel.
07:45That makes sense.
07:46Yeah, that was great.
07:47Yeah.
07:48But why is there a Cinnamon Toast Crunch, man?
07:53In the Rey and Dom match.
07:55Like, sure they probably wouldn't get quite as much money if they did it this way.
08:01But why couldn't this just be Bray Wyatt versus L.A. Knight presented by Mountain Dew?
08:07Well, that's it, right?
08:08Because that's how it used to be.
08:09Yeah.
08:10They used to just have matches.
08:11Matches have been sponsored, like, for all time.
08:13Like, pay-per-views were sponsored by Skittles.
08:15They were sponsored by milk.
08:16They've been sponsored by baked beans.
08:18They've been sponsored by loads of things.
08:20But they were just like that.
08:22It was just like, this match is presented by Sonic.
08:24Go get your whatever Sonic sells.
08:26And we don't have it here in the UK.
08:29You run, roll, and collect rings as fast as you can.
08:32Ah, that sounds terrible.
08:34Gotta go fast.
08:36But this is like, this is not just a match.
08:38This is a match type.
08:40Yeah.
08:41This match only exists to sell you a product.
08:44And that's what I find egregious.
08:46And it was the payoff of a very, like, psychologically told story between these two.
08:54And it culminates in just, oh, they glow in the dark.
08:58They glow in the dark now.
09:00I feel like I'm at Laser Quest.
09:02It does feel like Laser Quest.
09:03Yeah.
09:04But not as cool, obviously, because Laser Quest is awesome.
09:06Now, I will give credit.
09:08I do think, in this match, Bray Wyatt looks very cool.
09:12Yeah.
09:13Because it's a good reveal, like, when all the lights go off and it turns out he's got makeup on.
09:17Yeah, that was very cool.
09:19And I quite like the ropes being all glow in the dark.
09:23I like glow in the dark things.
09:25I'm not a monster.
09:27You like Naomi.
09:28I like Naomi.
09:29Naomi's great.
09:30She glows in the dark.
09:31Feel it.
09:32But it's just, this part of the match is just sort of fine whatever.
09:38It's the latter part with all the glow sticks and the beads.
09:43I don't remember much of this match.
09:45The only thing I remember is the lights.
09:47And kind of being annoyed at this is, oh, Bray Wyatt's first match back.
09:51Yeah.
09:52Yeah.
09:53Oh, we'll get to it.
09:55For sure.
09:56There's a lot of bits to this, isn't there, Solomon?
09:58Yeah, there's so many bits to this that are just more and more annoying as you go through it.
10:04Because if it was just sort of like in the ring, fine.
10:08It's a bit hard to see.
10:10But, like, whatever.
10:12It wouldn't be so, so egregious.
10:14But they really went too far.
10:17Well, again, I must take you all back to this time frame, right?
10:22Where they said, we're going to have a Mountain Dew pitch black match.
10:27And at no point before this bell rang did they explain what the f*** a Mountain Dew pitch black match was going to be.
10:33That's a really annoying thing as well.
10:35Yeah, because they probably don't know.
10:37No.
10:38We'll figure that out when we get there.
10:40But doesn't that just feel like so much more of a Vince era thing?
10:44Yeah.
10:45This was Triple H era and everyone going, what the f***?
10:48What is it?
10:49It does feel very Vince.
10:50Yeah.
10:51This is the most Vince I think that WWE has felt in the post McMahon era.
10:56Beads!
10:57Look at all the bits!
10:58I don't know why the bits have beads in them.
11:01Oh, what is this?
11:02Glow in the dark bits everywhere!
11:05Just bits of paper or whatever they are.
11:08I don't really know what they are.
11:09Just like confetti almost.
11:10Did Mountain Dew supply them?
11:12Does Michael Cole have them all the time?
11:15If you hit Michael Cole, does he explode into bits of this?
11:19I feel like I don't have to be a doctor as well to say, don't drink a drink that's luminescent.
11:27We are not sponsored by Mountain Dew.
11:30How is that going to go well?
11:33You have to start a superplex, then walk back up another stair to hit the superplex?
11:40While he's balanced on a barricade?
11:42That makes no sense.
11:44Oh, through the table.
11:45All the beads.
11:46And more of the beads.
11:48Beads!
11:49Whatever they are.
11:51Little pellets.
11:52Yeah, little pellets.
11:54Are they in Mountain Dew?
11:55I hope not.
11:56I haven't drunk Mountain Dew probably since the 1990s.
11:59I've never drunk a Mountain Dew in my whole life.
12:02How do you do the Dew?
12:03That'd just be really shitty tasting water.
12:05Mountain, don't!
12:06I think I've only had it.
12:09No, that's not a lie because I have had it in the UK because they do sell it here now.
12:13But I did have it when I was in America.
12:16Yes.
12:17One of the few times that I have been when I went to Florida.
12:21I remember being confused as a child hearing about it.
12:25Because it obviously wasn't sold over here when we were kids.
12:28And I don't think it resembles Mountain Dew at all.
12:33I don't know if you've ever seen the Dew on grass.
12:36But it's very dissimilar to what Mountain Dew seems to be.
12:40What does it taste of?
12:42I can't remember.
12:44It's like kind of a...
12:46I don't want to say citrusy.
12:49It's difficult to explain.
12:51It's not like when I had Inca Cola when I was in Peru.
12:54And I was like, oh, this is Iron Brew.
12:56Sure.
12:59I went to America at one point.
13:01I went for the BFT.
13:03I went to America and I had always heard of this other...
13:08You know, the Pepsi to Coca-Cola.
13:11The other to Mountain Dew which was called Surge.
13:17I'd heard of this.
13:19Yeah.
13:20I'd heard of this.
13:22And I went to a Wendy's or whatever.
13:24And they had you fill the cup with whatever drink you want.
13:27We've got a glow-in-the-dark Kendo stick now.
13:30And it had Surge.
13:32And I went, whoa, we don't have this in Canada?
13:34Let me try it.
13:35I swear to God, that was radioactive.
13:38Sister Abigail.
13:40What's that thing hanging off?
13:42One, two, three.
13:44Oh.
13:46That's the match.
13:47There is a bunch of glow-in-the-dark pellets in the announce table.
13:50And then he hits his move and wins.
13:52Did we skip a bit?
13:53Nope.
13:54This match is like five minutes.
13:55What?
13:56Also, there's this bit hanging off Bray Wyatt's knee the whole time for a lot of that match.
14:01Which is very distracting.
14:02Is that really it?
14:03Yeah.
14:04That is it, yeah.
14:05I remember it being very short.
14:07I remember it being short, but I remember at least something happened.
14:10There's clearly a reason why I don't remember anything from this match.
14:13That's because nothing happens in it.
14:15There's stuff that happens afterwards.
14:17That might jog a bit of your memory.
14:19Yeah, because Uncle Howdy shows up, right?
14:21Yeah.
14:22So, okay.
14:23We've talked about the drinks long enough.
14:25This is what you pay for, Mountain Dew.
14:28You unofficially sponsor worst match ever.
14:31I didn't even get someone to make a comment.
14:33Two years after it happens.
14:34Not enough time.
14:35So, here's the thing, right?
14:38Here's why this is actually trash.
14:41Because that was bad, but it's five minutes.
14:44Like, they f***ed up one of their only spots.
14:46Yeah.
14:47But they still do the spot whatever.
14:51I was like the major naysayer of this storyline at the time.
14:55I was doing podcasts with Mr. Positivity Satiniangi.
15:00Yeah.
15:01And he was like, nah, man.
15:03We got to give it a chance.
15:04And eventually he came around and was like, this wasn't it.
15:07Yeah.
15:09The whole story here of Bray Wyatt was that he wasn't giving in
15:15to the ways that The Fiend and, you know, whatever.
15:19All the stuff he's got going on, right?
15:22And that never quite gets resolved.
15:24You see him fighting it sometimes.
15:26He's got the thousand yard stare.
15:28Like, you know, all of this.
15:30And then he just shows up with face paint.
15:33And he's a spooky monster man doing the lantern entrance anyway.
15:36Yeah.
15:37You know?
15:38And that was so tonally dissonant from what we had been told.
15:42Yeah.
15:43Let alone that this is a match sponsored by a soft drink, you know?
15:48And they were doing their best.
15:51But this was like three to three and a half months of promos
15:56to set up this match as to, like, what is this Bray Wyatt character going to be?
16:02And the answer just kind of became we don't know.
16:06Yeah, yeah.
16:07Yeah.
16:08You know?
16:09And in a time when everything else was hope for the first time in decades,
16:15that you are finally seeing storytelling of a higher form in WWE,
16:21this was like the lone thing where everyone just went,
16:25what the **** happened?
16:27And here's Uncle Howdy.
16:29My lady.
16:30Hello.
16:31Oh, hello there.
16:33How are you doing, little nephew?
16:36When he showed up, I was like, oh, it's a Mighty Boosh character.
16:40Oh, look at my face.
16:44I think if you took the sponsorship out of this,
16:46and actually, there he goes.
16:48He missed.
16:49He missed.
16:50Explosion.
16:51Pyro.
16:52If you took the sponsorship out of this and had it that maybe during the match
16:56at some point the lights went out and then you see the face paint
16:59and he realizes, oh, my God, I am the monster even when I don't want to be.
17:05That would have been really cool.
17:06Sure.
17:07That would have been a nice continuation of that story.
17:09But you're absolutely right.
17:10He just comes down as the monster that he always was.
17:13The puppets.
17:14I forgot about the puppets.
17:16The real-life puppets.
17:17Maybe Dexter Lumis has just sat up there.
17:19Joe Gacy is up there right now.
17:22Look at him go.
17:24Yeah, I think my problem with the match is that it isn't one.
17:31Yeah.
17:32That is not a match.
17:33That is just a sponsorship piece.
17:36It's a commercial.
17:37Yeah, it's a commercial because the actual wrestling doesn't matter.
17:40All that matters is that we got told a lot about Mountain Dew.
17:43The actual, like, they could have done, they didn't have to do anything.
17:48It's not about a match.
17:49Yeah, this was them going, we really could use one of those cinematic matches
17:53right about now.
17:54Yeah, for sure.
17:55Why are all these fans back?
17:56Yeah.
17:57We really need to film a commercial in the middle of this show.
18:00This is corporate bull.
18:02Yeah.
18:03This is an abomination of storytelling.
18:05Exactly.
18:06And misunderstanding what wrestling is.
18:07So I can't, I don't think it can go up here.
18:10No, no, no, no.
18:11So where are we thinking, then?
18:13I have no earthly ideas.
18:15I think it's got to be kind of in the middle, weirdly,
18:18because I would maybe put it even just below WCW versus NWO.
18:23I was thinking that.
18:24I was thinking, like, here.
18:25Yeah.
18:26Because it is sort of, like, mad and gimmicky in a way that, you know,
18:32those ones down, which is kind of just funny.
18:36This one isn't funny, for instance, but it's just like,
18:40it's just a bit boring, but mercifully very short.
18:43That's what I was going to say.
18:44There's only five minutes,
18:45which I think does probably put it down more into this range.
18:47It's like, it's not in this area here.
18:49No.
18:50It's not amongst these.
18:51It's the bottom of the bad.
18:52I think it's bottom of the bad.
18:54Yeah.
18:55It feels like one that could be in this area, though,
18:58because it's like, hey, look at the crazy lights,
19:00and it's glow-in-the-dark, and it's a silly man with a face paint,
19:03and a guy jumps off the thing, and there's, you know, all of that.
19:06It feels like it should be a funny bad match,
19:11but I watch it, and I just get frustrated.
19:14Yeah.
19:15Absolutely.
19:16You know, because it is corporate bullsh**
19:18instead of any of these other bits,
19:21where these bottom three are people just trying to have fun.
19:24Yeah.
19:25Yeah, exactly.
19:26You know?
19:27This feels like two guys who are trying to tell a story,
19:29and then get told, well, we're getting paid a million bucks
19:31to be sponsored by Mountain Dew, so do your best.
19:35You might make it more about the beads than your psychological trauma.
19:39Yeah.
19:40So we're in agreement here, then?
19:41I think that's a good spot for it.
19:42Yeah.
19:43I think so.
19:44Place that there.
19:46There you go.
19:48Congratulations.
19:51So if you want to watch that match along with us,
19:54where we can actually put it up on screen and not get demonetized by WWE,
19:57or blocked by WWE, then head on over to patreon.com forward slash WrestleTalk,
20:01where the match is there in full, along with our reactions to it,
20:05and an exclusive bonus episode over at patreon.com forward slash WrestleTalk,
20:11where we watch Triple H versus Scott Steiner from Royal Rumble 2003.
20:19And it is not good.
20:22It's the worst match of 2003.
20:25It is bad.
20:26It's really, really bad.
20:27So head on over to Patreon and check that out.
20:29And if you want to watch another episode right now,
20:32then check out the one we did in December,
20:34where we watched the barbed wire Christmas tree match.
20:36Hooray.
20:38Christmas.
20:40Jesus.
20:41What would that even be used for?
20:44Who's this guy?
20:45James Mitchell.
20:46It's the sinister minister.
20:49He would do the best promos in TNA.
20:53So how good is that in the real world?
20:58Because it doesn't sound like it's very good.