Dana B | Dana Learns
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00:00Welcome back to Dana Learns. Today I will be teaching my dear friend Dana Beers
00:07about how to prepare for a wedding. Specifically his. And we will be
00:14bolstered in that effort by proper wild clean all-day energy. Can't wait for your
00:20wedding. Coming right up. You are invited. A little brief history on weddings. The
00:27first recorded wedding ceremony took place in 2350 BC. In 1164, the church
00:35took over weddings. Made marriage a sacrament. That brings us to the
00:40Elizabethan era where many modern wedding traditions were introduced. It
00:45became more of a celebration and a party. Who the fuck's Elizabeth? Queen
00:50Elizabeth. Why don't they say Elizabeth? Elizabethan is the adjectival form of it.
00:55That's dumb. To be Elizabethan. Focusing on the wrong things here. But fast
01:01forward to the Victorian era. That is where we introduced lots of sort of
01:05white clean stuff like the wedding dress, flowers, etc. You sure it's not the
01:11Victorian era? I know it not to be. Victorian. And then the modern era. Post
01:17World War II with the growth of newspapers and radio communication. This
01:22is where people started to be inspired by other people's weddings and we saw
01:26the wedding industry boom. So that's broadly what I know about weddings. But I
01:29want to specifically talk about your wedding. What are you wearing? I think I'm
01:34just wearing a nice black or blue suit. A black suit? I think. What are you an agent?
01:39People wear black suits? You could be under a hot sweltering Sun and that
01:43black suits gonna cook you like those microwave dinners you make yourself. And
01:48this brings us to our next question. Are you planning to lose any weight? I have
01:53been on Ozempic for a year and a half. I am the same exact weight. If not more. You
02:00could always take more Ozempic. First dance? Are you gonna dance with your mom?
02:04We're practicing. Oh you're choreographing something? Oh I'm paying $300 a lesson. I know.
02:10But it's fucking working. Let's talk about some wedding don'ts. Okay. I don't
02:16want you getting too drunk too early. I can hold my booze. Are you gonna be
02:19drinking all day? I'm going to pace myself. You're fully planning to send it
02:26deep into the night and be a sloppy drunken mess. Once the dancing portion is
02:30done, yes. I've taught you everything I know about weddings but I think it would
02:34be good to have a perspective from a couple wedding experts. The chicks in the
02:38office. Course. Rhea and Fran. I think they are going to have great stuff that they
02:43can teach us about do's and don'ts on your wedding day from the female
02:47perspective to an idiot male like you. That's what I need Francis. Let's friggin
02:53do it. Bingo. Let's do it. And we will take everything they have to say with open
02:58minds and high energy thanks to proper wild clean all-day energy. The perfect
03:04accompaniment to the best day of your life. Your wedding day. Ladies thank you
03:09for being here. Thank you. I could think of no better wedding experts than the
03:15two of you. Not yourself? No no I don't know if you heard but my wedding ended
03:21in failure. We are sorry. Fran you just came from an unbelievable wedding. Yes.
03:27You're heading right towards yours, barreling towards it and we also have
03:31Dana Beers who is having his wedding shortly after yours. Yep. So I have some
03:35specific questions for you guys that I want to get your intel on so that we can
03:40coach Dana so that he doesn't fumble his own wedding. Wedding speeches. Your
03:46thoughts. Short and sweet. It's your wedding. You thank the people you need to
03:49thank. You thank your family. You thank your beautiful soon-to-be wife. You thank
03:54everyone that's helped put it together. I'm so happy that everybody's here. That's
03:58it. Is that an occasion for Dana to do his signature move of chugging a beer? Oh
04:03man. Just a fat no to that whole thing. I said to him when do you plan to start
04:09drinking and he said he's gonna start early but he's gonna ramp slowly through
04:12the day he can hold his booze. Maybe the guys they do a single shot just before
04:17they get out there. I don't think Dana should start drinking beers early in the
04:22morning when he's getting ready with his groomsmen. I think that's an absolute no.
04:25I think there should be a no beer policy until he gets to the reception. You know
04:30he's gonna be drinking beer. And then he's gonna be bloated when he gets up
04:33there and that's on him. He is. He is gonna be bloated. I don't know if you
04:36guys knew this but the wedding cake was actually introduced in medieval times as
04:39a part of the wedding ceremony and it was always made with wheat which was
04:43meant to represent fertility and the guests of the wedding would take the
04:47cake and throw it at the bride. True story. Oh I hate that. Definitely
04:53definitely do not do the cake in the face. You don't like that? You don't like
04:58I hate it. I hate it. I think it's distasteful and I think you don't want
05:03to spend the rest of your life with that person. We are going to have a
05:06questionnaire that the two of you can grade how prepared you think he is for
05:11his own wedding. So does that sound good? Sounds great. Let's do it.
05:28You
05:47For our first test we have Dana Beers presenting a speech the night before
05:53your wedding. Thank you to all of our beautiful friends and family for coming
05:57tonight. It's such an honor to be surrounded by all of you.
06:01Kaylee's family, thank you for everything you brought to me for the last three
06:06years. I love you guys so much. You've raised an incredible daughter. She's just
06:11the best person I've ever met in my entire life. I love her so much and we
06:15are so excited for tomorrow. It's gonna be the most incredible night of anyone's
06:19life. We're gonna get nice and turnt up. I don't know why I said turnt up. I
06:23fucking hate that. Keep it together Dana. All right Dana, the ladies have some
06:29questions for you. Dana, how many drinks will you have over the course of the
06:34wedding and in your opinion how many drinks is too many? I think I will be
06:39pretty buzzed throughout the whole day. Just like a couple, not like
06:45black. You said buzz. Moving on. Will you end up shirtless at some point during the
06:51wedding? And follow-up question, at any point will your tie be around your head?
06:57Show some chest hair, no tie around the head. That's not my style. During the
07:02cutting of the cake, should you or should you not smash a piece of cake in your
07:07new wife's face? Absolutely not. Good answer. If you do that, you're an idiot.
07:12What percentage of the day will you be hanging with the boys? After party. A
07:17couple of boys want to go hang out at a table and throw some back. Maybe 30% of
07:24the time. What time does the ceremony start? And bonus question, what is the
07:30color of the bridesmaids dresses? 530.
07:39Now we don't know the answers so you could lie to us. You could have just said it
07:44with confidence. Should I fact check? No, they're blue. What color are your bridesmaids dresses?
07:51They're red, aren't they? They're not red either. I'll give you one more chance.
07:57Purple? Not purple either. They're champagne.
08:01What the fuck is champagne? This? It's a beautiful bridesmaids color. It's a beautiful bridesmaids color.
08:08It's a timeless choice. But it's not on the rainbow. At least you'll be on time.
08:13Yeah, but it's not on the rainbow. So it doesn't count.
08:16Okay, last question, Dana. What really is going into your wedding bounce?
08:20I'm gonna tell her how special these last three years have been. I'm gonna
08:24tell her exactly why we're gonna have the best marriage of all time and I
08:29think that we're going to just be the perfect fit forever. And memorize it.
08:36What a lovely ending. We'd like to see how you intend to conduct the first
08:42dance. I'm the girl? Yes. You gotta go right hand up? This is really weird.
08:49Okay, talk to me. Walk me through it. Here we go. We're gonna go boom, boom, boom.
08:54We're doing a little box set. We're doing a little box set. Lovely. Very choreographed though. Very choreographed.
09:02Yep. I want to feel natural. I want to feel the spark. Keep going, keep going.
09:07Alright, let's just go off vibes. No, no, no. I want the thing. I want it.
09:16Fuck me. Alright, we've only had one lesson, alright?
09:21How come you're not looking at me?
09:23No, you gotta put your palm underneath. What? Yeah, there you go.
09:28Oh, that's kind of nice. It is nice. Why are you up so high? I don't know. I get nervous.
09:32Here we go. I can't look at you. Why not? I can't look at you.
09:36This feels like we're in the middle school. Am I supposed to spin you? I don't spin you.
09:40Okay, Dana. On to the cake. It's a big moment between the bride and the groom.
09:45Oh, look. You know exactly the piece I want. I know, Dana. Right behind my asshole.
09:50I know what Poppy wants. Oh my god. Here we go. Here we go. Big moment. Here comes the airplane.
09:59Oh my god.
10:03On record, I wouldn't do the airplane thing. Swallow and then talk, Dana, please.
10:11It would have been nice if you guys held it with a knife together. You hold it together.
10:14And you just cut one slice. Share one slice. There we go.
10:17Because we want to stay light on our feet and we're not hungry, remember?
10:20The Ozempic says we're not hungry. You can share. This is turning into a different type of video.
10:25It is.
10:26Now it's time to hear what the ladies think of your overall wedding preparedness and performance.
10:31I am not expecting anything good.
10:33We'll start with the speech. You were on par for like an A wedding speech.
10:38And then you said turned up and it brought it down to a B.
10:41The question there, it didn't start off strong with the being buzzed throughout the entire day of your wedding was just really not great.
10:50Bridesmaids' dresses, you didn't know the color. And then after multiple guesses, you still didn't know the color.
10:56That painting is not on the rainbow. C plus. We'll go C plus.
10:59Because the buzzed one is important.
11:01I'm going to heed your advice truthfully and I will not get buzzed.
11:04Good. I mean, the dance, you want to bring your own flair to it. Be yourself.
11:09You felt the most unprepared for the dance at this time, so D.
11:13And then the final was the cake eating. Poor execution all around.
11:17You got it. Cut the first slice together. That'll get a C.
11:20Yeah, we'll give you a C on that. Average.
11:22B, a C plus, a C, and a D.
11:26About what I thought I would be at. Like a C minus.
11:29Right now, you're right down the middle, you know?
11:32Okay. Thank you, guys. I appreciate it.
11:34All right, Dana. That's the verdict. You've got some work to do.
11:38But I see you getting there with the help of Proper Wild and their clean all-day energy.
11:44Thank you very much, Ria and Fran, the chicks in the office.
11:47We will see you at the wedding.
11:50See you there.
11:51Thank you, guys. That was awesome.