Loneliness is a gift || Acharya Prashant, at BITS Pilani, Goa (2022)

Acharya Prashant

‍♂️ Want to meet Acharya Prashant? Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/hi/enquir...   Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books? Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?...  ~~~~~  Video Information: 18.07.2022,  BITS Pilani, Goa   Context: What is aloneness? What is loneliness? How to be happy without depending on others? How to understand the fear and how to get rid of it? How to face challenges in life? How to get rid of loneliness? How to get rid of aloneness?  Music Credits: Milind Date  ~~~~~

Transcript

00:00Pranam Acharyaji, I wanted to ask how do we deal with loneliness in the pursuit of a very

00:12personal goal? I have to paint a small picture for it. Let's say you're going through a struggle

00:17which no one knows about. No one appreciates it. But you're battling with it every single

00:22day, one hour at a time. And the funny thing is, is that you're winning, but there is no

00:28one with you to appreciate it. The brain starts to play games with you. It starts to convince

00:33you that you're losing, even though you're winning. It overpowers you when you're feeling

00:39low. So how do you deal with this crippling loneliness in the pursuit of a very personal

00:45goal? Loneliness, you know, is the best gift that life can offer you. Seriously. If you're

00:57not lonely, then the alternative is to be with something terrible. What would you prefer?

01:09Let's say you're travelling by bus or you're in a flight. The seat next to you is occupied

01:15by a hideous person. Is that better or is it better to have a vacant seat? Is it better

01:22to have a vacant seat? Please. I'm not saying that the seat remain vacant for the entire

01:29journey. But must you be in a hurry to very quickly fill that up? Must you be in a terrible

01:38rush? That's the thing. Most of us have such low tolerance for loneliness that we fill

01:47it up with crap. Either the wrong kind of job or beliefs or person or location or something.

02:01Loneliness I said is a gift because it gives you the opportunity and the freedom to go

02:08for the best. I'm lonely means I have the opportunity and that opportunity is available

02:17all life. Do you want to give it up? Please tell me. Why are you taking the loneliness

02:25as a curse? Remember, the alternative is far worse. People who are fed up of loneliness

02:42fall into all kinds of terrible places. But they usually don't display or acknowledge

02:53that. So you feel, oh, the ones whose hollows are filled up are luckier. No, they are not.

03:04You will get into their reality and you will find that being lonely is far, far better.

03:12And it's again, I repeat, I'm not advocating compulsorily loneliness. I'm just asking you

03:21to be careful. A vacant spot is a pure spot. No nonsense has filled it up. How do you want

03:37to be? Do you have single rooms or do you have double occupancy? Double occupancy. How

03:44would you like it better? A single room or a roomie who is quarrelsome, dimwitted, aggressive

03:56and neurotic? That's what you see. And now, now, to put things in perspective, what do

04:07you think about the bulk of the world's population? Are they wise people or neurotic? Neurotic.

04:15So now you know what I'm saying. Just going by probability, the odds are, the great chances

04:31that if you have somebody as your, you know, roomie or partner or whatever, the fellow

04:43would show up as neurotic. What good that would be? Better to enjoy your loneliness

04:50that gives you a lot of opportunity. You can experiment, you can do this, you can do that.

04:57And when you can spot the right one, the right object, the right thought, the right

05:02book, the right person, you can bring it into your life, be with it, be nourished by it,

05:11be in loving company, uplifting company. And when the time comes to bid goodbye, gracefully

05:20say goodbye. You can't be with a book all your life. Can you be? Of course, you can

05:27return to the book. The goodbye need not be final. You can return to the book after six

05:31months or two years or whenever you need it. There has to be a way of life that's founded

05:43on freedom, not compulsiveness. As human beings and particularly as Indians, we are

05:58trained and steeped in compulsiveness. Things happen and then things get frozen in concrete.

06:10You're left with no freedom to fly. And that's wastage of life. Even this problem that you

06:21are experiencing against loneliness might actually be a cultural problem. Coming from

06:31all the gossips that you hear in the family and in your peer group, all the movies that

06:38you watch, where it is shown that the ultimate purpose of life is to have a partner. What

06:46are 90% movies about? Man chasing woman. That's all. Maybe 90% is understated. More than that.

06:58So what are they teaching you with respect to loneliness? Fill it up, fill it up, fill

07:03it up and fill it up with a young person of the other gender. First of all, there must

07:14be no tearing hurry to fill it up. Secondly, it need not be filled up with a person. Even

07:26if you have to fill it up with a person, why does it have to be a person in flesh and blood?

07:32I'm not talking of ghosts. I'm talking of books. What are books? They represent the best that a

07:46great person has to offer. Let's say a great person lived for 70 years. There's so much that

07:53happened in his life. Some part of that would be great, some part would be very ordinary. Now,

07:59what does the book represent? The book is a selective collection of all that is great

08:06about a great person. Why don't you live with that book? It would uplift you. That's what

08:15would make life living. Why don't you make a great purpose as your companion? Why can't

08:23you live for a wonderful mission? Why can't that fill up your loneliness? I'm asking you,

08:32please. Why does it have to be a man, a woman or something like that? Why do you have to

08:40belong to a crowd? These are just questions. Let these stay with you.

08:50So, is it loneliness different than being alone? Are you talking about being alone?

08:55Right Krishnamurti, you're coming from there. Yes, obviously. But before I get into that

09:03academic discussion, what is loneliness, the mind is lonely, what is aloneness,

09:07the true self, the Atma is alone. To people of your age, it's more important to practically

09:16explain that loneliness is not the curse. Our culture paints it to be. Loneliness might

09:27actually be a blessing if you keep your biases aside.

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