Handsome Hank | Viva TV
Category
🥇
SportsTranscript
00:00Trying to contribute to the cause, break the NFL record, the most uncrustables in a week.
00:04I feel like it's gonna be so easy.
00:06I don't even think if we told people that it was happening,
00:08that they would still be down by Wednesday.
00:10This isn't gonna happen.
00:11Yeah, we're not doing this.
00:13I take it back.
00:14We don't have enough 280-pound men, like, burning a thousand calories in a day.
00:20You guys should probably give him that, though.
00:22600. Yeah, it's doable.
00:25We'll see how it ends up today.
00:27Jesus, what's that for?
00:29What's this thing?
00:32What the f... Oh, shit!
00:35Oh, my God.
00:37Let's go.
00:38So, we have to eat, as a company?
00:40Yes.
00:41We're gonna have to eat all these?
00:42Wow.
00:44Tate's gonna be heartbroken.
00:45Especially.
00:46He eats, like, five a day.
00:48We'll go through this in a day.
00:50No.
00:51Fat T.J.'s so back.
00:52What's with the fridge?
00:56Wow.
00:57I've been waiting for this.
00:59I can do ten a day.
01:00Get me the strawberry one, too.
01:02Add in more of that, man.
01:03Free more of that.
01:04No free ads, but actually giant free ads.
01:08Holy shit!
01:11Oh, my God.
01:13Holy shit!
01:14How many, like, four of you?
01:16720 in here, so we're trying to see how many we can eat in a week.
01:19These are, like, you could eat these unlimited?
01:21Mm-hmm.
01:22Unless you have diabetes.
01:23Yeah.
01:24How many can I eat?
01:25I'd be good for 15 a day.
01:27Matter of fact, we can eat more than anyone.
01:29We really are better than anyone in any venue, in any contest.
01:33Doing my part.
01:34I'm only eating on Crustables for the next two days.
01:36You want one on the Crustable?
01:37Let me eat.
01:38That was my one-one in the frozen food.
01:40You use your fridge?
01:41Yeah.
01:42How'd you get so many deliveries?
01:43You use your bar on the Crustable.
01:44Oh, really?
01:45Mm-hmm.
01:46Another Jenga stream here in Stool Streams Arena.
01:48I don't even know if that's what we're calling it.
01:50That's what I'm calling it.
01:51Yeah, and then I think there's a murder mystery with Jersey Jerry after dark.
01:54Hence why I'm dressed a little bit nicer than normal.
01:57Lucusi told me wear nice pants, wear a button-down.
02:01So it should be a fun day between Jenga and JAD.
02:04Stick with us.
02:05Welcome back to Stool Streams Arena.
02:07We've got another match today, starting with Megan making money.
02:10First big tee.
02:22And it's a tie.
02:28The champion.
02:29A tee wins match one.
02:31Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
02:41Oh, a Jenga.
02:43Whoa.
02:44Oh!
02:45What's up?
02:51Jake is your winner.
02:52Yeah!
02:53Jake versus Big T in match three.
02:55Stick with us.
02:56Don't miss it.
03:15Come on!
03:18Let's go.
03:26Come on.
03:27Come on, like this.
03:28You're gonna win this match.
03:34Oh, my gosh!
03:42Hey.
03:43That is your match.
03:45Big T is your winner.
03:47Congratulations to Big T.
03:49Hit that shit.
03:51We all know you love
03:53Pink Whitney, but did you hear that
03:55Pink Whitney just launched this new
03:57party bucket? The go-to shop
03:59for our next generation of drinkers is
04:01here. Go check it out. Pink Whitney
04:03comes with 20 50ml
04:05bottoms. You're not going to want to miss this.
04:07It'll be a hit at your next tailgate.
04:09And the best part, Pink Whitney is
04:11sending grand prize winners
04:13who purchased this to Nashville
04:15for a weekend full of Pink
04:17Whitney prizes. Check
04:19the link in the description for more info
04:21where you can read the terms and conditions. But thank you
04:23Pink Whitney. Shout out Ryan Whitney.
04:25We love you. And there might only be
04:2719 in there. Have a good one.
04:29I mean, listen.
04:31Maybe I'm being unreasonable. Sound off in the
04:33comments. I just think it's crazy. One of
04:35our biggest live shows, Jerry
04:37After Dark, which by the way, I don't mean to take for granted.
04:39Having one of the biggest live
04:41brands and
04:43providing, like
04:45we have, what, 8 contestants?
04:478 tonight.
04:49Did you feed those 8 people?
04:51We don't have the budget.
04:53Unbelievable.
04:55Listen, you're invited to the team dinner next week though.
04:57Well, I'm starting to get hangry right now, Jerry. I don't want to
04:59take away from your stream tonight. We got, shout out
05:01Nuts on Clark. We got a new popcorn machine.
05:03Oh, that'll do. I've already put away
05:05two Old Crustables today. What do you want me to do?
05:07Don't need another one. No.
05:09Get the chicken parm from Salerno. There's a
05:11rumor circulating that the food
05:13budget for tonight went to Jersey Jerry's
05:15Monday Night Football trip in Pittsburgh this week.
05:17Dude, what a night though. Huh? Great.
05:19Incredible. Great.
05:21Oh, man. I think they're good enough to make
05:23a run. I do.
05:25Russie. I know. Were Jerry's
05:27seats last night taken out of the Jerry
05:29After Dark budget? I believe so.
05:31Yeah, I was just trying to figure out where the food budget
05:33for tonight went. I didn't hear.
05:35He's locked in because he's a celebrity now.
05:37Sussy for Russell. I didn't hear him.
05:39The disrespect is real
05:41in this office today, big cat.
05:43Get my shoes.
05:45I hope you don't get murdered.
05:49I hope I am the murderer.
05:51Well, well, well. Look at this miscreant
05:53we have here for my funeral.
05:55Did you bring weapons with you? Tell me,
05:57how are you murdering me here this evening?
05:59I haven't shaved
06:01my legs in a while. That's why you throw
06:03on the fishnets. Hell yeah.
06:05I'm very excited for this. Not gonna lie.
06:07I watch a lot of murder shows, a lot of
06:09murder documentaries. If there's a murder
06:11in it, I'm gonna watch it, and that's the only
06:13thing I'm gonna watch. So I feel
06:15well prepared to dominate
06:17all my fucking competition
06:19unless I'm the one who gets murdered.
06:21Then I'm fucked. Do you guys know your roles?
06:23No. Not yet. So you're
06:25dressed up anticipating a role.
06:27Well, everybody's in the same
06:29time zone. Yeah, but what if your character's
06:31like way different?
06:33You think I'm gonna be like a man? I don't think so.
06:35I think it would be like the wife,
06:37the girlfriend.
06:39So you want to be the girlfriend.
06:41I want to be a female.
06:43I do feel like the 1920s would be an awesome
06:45time to be alive. Yeah, shout out
06:47Jerry after dark.
06:49Dinner for one tonight.
06:51You look like the guy from Scary Movie 2
06:53with like the messed up hand that gives him
06:55the mashed potatoes.
06:57What?
06:59Tate, welcome home.
07:01Thank you, PFT.
07:03Glad to get a bow tie and a top hat.
07:05Yeah, murder mystery.
07:07It's basically gonna be like Werewolf. I'm excited.
07:09I'm gonna win this shit.
07:11Is there a prize? Maybe a Jerry
07:13bonus bet? They definitely
07:15are fully in character,
07:17and I can't stop thinking about how I haven't shaped
07:19my legs in a long time. It's really driving me
07:21crazy. I'm glad there's tablecloths.
07:23I'm also worried the lighting's
07:25gonna highlight my mustache. I'm really
07:27stressing. I gotta make some changes in my life.
07:29And Annika doesn't look better than me
07:31at all. She looks the same as me.
07:33We both look great.
07:35She's not way hotter than me.
07:37Even in 1920s clothes.
07:39Maybe I'm the one who gets killed,
07:41and then I get to come back anew
07:43and shave my legs.
07:45And get my mustache waxed.
07:47I'm expecting some bad accents. I'm well
07:49known for my bad accents, and tonight is gonna be
07:51no different. I think I might,
07:53if I can, I might do the German.
07:55Avitazing.
07:57I do weird stuff for this job, but I walked
07:59out, and whatever this is.
08:01I just found all this in the ANA studio. Why it's in there,
08:03I don't know. I just walk out, and
08:05this is Paolo Banchero.
08:07It's kind of a tough, like,
08:09Hey, sir.
08:11Hello. Saw you in the Final Four.
08:13Sick.
08:15They're doing a murder mystery stream.
08:17So it's like after dark.
08:19BFT.
08:21So this is our office.
08:23Fall is life. We did a live
08:25free throw stream where we had to make
08:27what was it, 40 free throws in a row?
08:29NBA record for most consecutive free throws.
08:31And that took us, what, like
08:3316 hours?
08:35No, we're not very good.
08:37Jerry's running this.
08:39What exactly is this? It's a mystery.
08:41They hired actors,
08:43and we have to solve a clue.
08:45Oh, you guys are solving the mystery?
08:47Who gets murdered? That's the thing.
08:49We don't know.
08:51So you have to figure out who gets murdered
08:53and who gets murdered?
08:55But they're like real actors.
08:57Hello, I'm the detective,
08:59also known as Peter Ness, if you're shorting it.
09:01That's penis. If I'm not wearing this detective
09:03outfit, you might know me as Scott Alan
09:05Curry, a local actor from
09:07Chicago. Hello, I am
09:09made ooh la la.
09:11I am the head maid for Sir
09:13Warren Peace.
09:15And I'll switch to my American accent now.
09:17My name is Jill Teal.
09:19Well, hello, good evening.
09:21Sir Warren Peace here, legendary
09:23film producer. Everyone is coming here
09:25tonight for my funeral. Someone in this room
09:27is going to murder me. It's an
09:29honor to be here. And when I'm not
09:31Warren Peace, I am Luke Danya, local Chicago
09:33actor. These actors are in the zone.
09:35Hey, winner gets a Jerry has a dark bonus bet?
09:37Abraham Lincoln show? Yes, Abe Lincoln
09:39is here. Usually Abe doesn't like
09:41theater productions. Mr. Greenspan,
09:43I have good news and bad news for you. Do you want
09:45the good news or the bad news? Bad.
09:47Bad news is, as of this moment, you
09:49are now a suspect.
09:51Oh! How about the good news?
09:53Yeah, please. The good news is
09:55you're now a suspect in Indian
09:57All Crimes committed here tonight. Round of applause
09:59for Mr. Greenspan. How exciting. Being a suspect
10:01is very simple and easy. You'll get a binder
10:03full of clues and information just
10:05for you to read. Everyone
10:07is on their own individual team here tonight.
10:09Everyone else is your enemy. This is for your
10:11eyes only. You're just reading your front cover and your
10:13nose paid for that. Hugh just showed up.
10:15Everyone, Hugh Gigo, very famous
10:17Hollywood director. Round of applause.
10:19Go sit. So,
10:21welcome to the world of theater. So there's
10:23a lot of dudes that are here
10:25and not necessarily many dudes
10:27left in the script. We can easily gender
10:29change it because that's the way modern society
10:31works. Who, like, wants to jump at that
10:33chance of the thing that I just said?
10:35Long as hell. Gotta go long as hell.
10:37Yeah, long as hell. Long as hell.
10:39Do you want to be a doctor? Yeah, so you
10:41Ginger Boy, come talk to us.
10:43Dr. Sarah
10:45Dippity, could you put this on so everyone
10:47knows who you are?
10:49Oh, many layers here tonight, aren't we,
10:51Dr. Sarah Dippity? Yeah.
10:53Dr. Sarah Dippity, your name tag,
10:55could you put that on there for me? Sarah.
10:57Dr. Sarah Dippity.
10:59I'll hold it.
11:01Unbelievable. Who gave her
11:03her medical license? Pathetic. It's just like putting
11:05a name tag on a child. It is a woman doctor.
11:07Oh, so rare.
11:09I have good news and bad news
11:11for you. Do you want the good news first, or the
11:13bad news? I think I know the
11:15bad news, so we can have the good news.
11:17The bad news is you are a suspect.
11:19Now, how about the good news? The good news
11:21is as of this moment, you're now a
11:23suspect! Yes, give yourself a
11:25round of applause. Look at
11:27Sarah, she's so thrilled.
11:29Everything you need to know is in this binder.
11:31Now, everyone is working on their own individual
11:33teams here tonight to solve my murder.
11:35Only one person will win,
11:37so pay close attention to what you see and hear throughout the night.
11:39I'm in too deep. He's mad
11:41because he's the girl. Do you want to be Mary
11:43Caton, the wonderful assistant, or
11:45who do we got? Or, Jarvis Deedus.
11:47The butler.
11:49You get to choose who won.
11:51I'll be the girl, I don't care.
11:53Oh, okay, fantastic.
11:55The girl.
11:57He is going to play Mary Caton
11:59Ashley. She is production assistant
12:01for Mr. Barrington's.
12:03And she rarely comes in.
12:05What do you say?
12:07Stop. Don't go further in the binder
12:09until we invite you to. You may be a murderer,
12:11but you're not a cheater. Does that make sense?
12:13Awesome. So you have to be as honest as possible.
12:15So in this case, you may be a murderer, but you're not a what?
12:17Liar. A liar. You've heard this speech before.
12:19You're great. If there's anything you don't want to say, we're going to
12:21pull it out. It's half the fun of the game.
12:23Who do you think the murderer is going to be?
12:25Annika.
12:27Rudy. It ain't going to be Spider-Man. Probably me.
12:29I don't know.
12:31I'm going to say Tate. He's got some built-up
12:33stuff going on.
12:35Possibly me. I mean, I think the easy
12:37answer is Tate, but Spider's costume
12:39has got me a little suspicious.
12:41Yeah. If a woman goes down
12:43then it's Tate.
12:45I think it's Kate, because what's up with the wig?
12:47I can't divulge any information yet,
12:49right? I've never done one of these.
12:51I don't want to ruin it.
12:53Bulls can have a good time. Make some noise!
12:55Everyone
12:57boo this man. Boo him.
12:59Boo!
13:03Music
13:05Music
13:07Music
13:09Music
13:11I'm trying to figure out what's going on.
13:13It looks like fun.
13:17Music
13:19Music
13:21Mary-Kate and Sue.
13:23Music
13:25Music
13:27Music
13:29Music
13:31Music
13:33Dead Last Place
13:35is going to
13:37Jerry Rapinoe, who played
13:39Mary-Kate and Ashley.
13:41This was planned behind the scenes.
13:43The only way
13:45he was not going to get Dead Last Place
13:47is if he actually got it right.
13:49So please give it up
13:51for your best suspect.
13:53Drumroll, please.
13:55Go to Spider
13:57as Mr. Greenspan.
13:59Go to Spider
14:01as Mr. Greenspan.
14:03Spider. Oh my goodness, yes.
14:05He gave us a brilliant death scene
14:07and he even kept on smoking
14:09after he was dead.
14:11Now we have our best dressed, Rudy.
14:13Give it up for Rudy.
14:15Very nice ruffles there, Rudy.
14:17Very nice indeed.
14:19So I have really, really
14:21great news, everybody.
14:23We solved the mystery!
14:25Congratulations!
14:27Who is the team name
14:29The Gislers?
14:31Stand up, Mary-Kate.
14:33No way.
14:35Now, go ahead and tell us
14:37who the true killer is.
14:39One, two, three.
14:41The true killer is me.
14:43Mary-Kate
14:45is the true killer?
14:47We heard from all the same suspects.
14:49We reviewed all the same evidence.
14:51And, uh,
14:53this is wrong.
14:55It is wrong.
14:57It is very wrong.
15:03It is so wrong.
15:05We have a special
15:07award just for you.
15:09Dead last place.
15:11Yay!
15:15Go ahead and announce our killer.
15:17One, two, three.
15:19Donna Bathington.
15:21You can sit down,
15:23Terry. You can sit down,
15:25Dr. Dippity. You are under
15:27arrest.
15:29You cold-blooded
15:31killer.
15:33Donna, what do you have
15:35to say for yourself?
15:37Can't trust a man.
15:39They're all scumbags. They're all dirtbags.
15:41I don't regret it. I'm glad.
15:43I'm gonna crush it in prison.
15:45And I don't feel bad at all.
15:47Having met all of your co-workers
15:49here, I think it would be a greater
15:51punishment for me to release you
15:53to their custody.
15:55No! So, you are
15:57free to go, Donna. Let's give
15:59a big round of applause for your kind
16:01of man, Terry.
16:05How are you?
16:07Good, man. Good to see you.
16:09No chance we'll get you back to Mississippi State, is it?
16:11No. God damn it.
16:13Good to see you.
16:15Thanks for coming.
16:17Did you get a tour of the place?
16:19How long have you been out of New York?
16:21It's been about a year.
16:23Is it? Yeah, a year.
16:25We watch all the games in here together.
16:27This is actually the one from the stadium.
16:29Jim Hersey sent it to us.
16:31Oh, that is awesome.
16:33When they put a banner up for finishing
16:35second in the AFC.
16:37Yeah.
16:39I love him, man.
16:41It's basically an adult fun factory.
16:43Welcome to the Pro Football Football Show.
16:45Week 9 of the NFL. We have a very
16:47special guest with us today, Bruce Arians.
16:49Thank you for being here.
16:51Super Bowl champ, Bruce Arians.
16:53What did you get?
16:55What's up? Welcome to the Yak.
16:57Just getting some Stella Blue.
16:59Some Stella Blue in the system.
17:01Scary girls are upstairs making TikToks about me again.
17:03Making TikToks. Just grabbing
17:05my daily Stella Blue.
17:07Just the usual.
17:09You got three big cats in the office?
17:11I guess so.
17:13I think their facial hair looks better than mine.
17:15Should we just walk past them?
17:17Yeah.
17:19What's up?
17:21Big Cat, what's going on?
17:23Oh no.
17:25Big Cat, what you done did?
17:27What the fuck is this?
17:29What?
17:31You guys making TikToks or something?
17:33Making TikToks about us upstairs?
17:35You guys making TikToks about us or something?
17:37This is the... I want to move to New York.
17:39Can I go to New York?
17:41I want to get out of here.
17:43Yeah.
17:57I don't know.
17:59I'm going to screw up the timing.
18:01That was so good.
18:03Hell yeah.
18:05You guys, welcome to the Yak.
18:07Welcome to part of my take.
18:09I don't know how I
18:11ended up here, but I did.
18:13Just ended up here.
18:15I swear these were
18:17longer when I bought them.
18:19I don't even know how to put this thing on.
18:21I figure it's the one episode of Quick Pics
18:23that lasts longer than two minutes.
18:25We're all waiting outside the studio.
18:27I swear we were supposed to look like you, Megan.
18:29The funniest part of this is Megan's birthday
18:31isn't until tomorrow. White Sox Dave's birthday
18:33is actually today.
18:35This is not very quick for their pics.
18:38Happy early birthday to you!
18:43Happy birthday to you.
18:47Happy birthday to you.
18:51Happy early birthday.
18:53Happy birthday!
18:59Hey guys.
19:01How's your day going?
19:03It's okay, it's early.
19:05What are you doing?
19:06What are you doing?
19:07What are you doing?
19:08What's he doing?
19:09What's he doing?
19:10What's he doing?
19:11What is he doing?
19:12What's Brandon doing?
19:13Who are you being right now?
19:14What?
19:15Huh?
19:16I thought we weren't dressing up for Halloween.
19:17Yes, look at Pug.
19:18He looks great.
19:19Pug looks awesome.
19:20Pug.
19:21Pug.
19:22Pug.
19:23Pug.
19:24Pug.
19:25Pug.
19:26Pug.
19:27Pug.
19:28Pug.
19:29Pug.
19:30Pug.
19:31Pug.
19:32Pug.
19:33Pug.
19:34Pug.
19:35Pug.
19:36Pug.
19:37Pug.
19:38Pug.
19:39Pug.
19:40Pug.
19:41Yes!
19:42Pug.
19:43Pug.
19:44Pug.
19:45Pug.
19:46Pug.
19:47I told you not to do this.
19:48Okay, so first malfunction of the day.
19:49Perfect.
19:51I get a little too excited and things go crazy.
19:52You took my Bowser costume?
19:53I don't know.
19:54I'm sorry.
19:55I have a Bowser costume at home.
19:56I'm just going to wear it for Firefest today.
19:57So I need a costume.
19:58I guess I'll be a hotdog.
19:59That works.
20:00Yeah, let me get Garfield.
20:01That's funny.
20:02Bad cat.
20:03What's up?
20:06I can't see fucking shit.
20:07Let's see.
20:22Yup, yup, yup.
20:25This is our college basketball guy.
20:30Yup, yup, yup, yup.
20:32Alright, this is the update.
20:33I don't think this is...
20:34I think there's going to be like
20:35five to six hundred uncrustables left.
20:38I don't think there's any way we got close.
20:43I mean, we got one shelf.
20:44Probably like 30 percent.
20:45Everyone in this office would have to eat
20:46like seven a day to do it,
20:48and we just didn't have that fightiness.
20:50Yeah, it turns out we're not an NFL team.
20:52We're not burning enough calories.
20:54It's shocking, I know.
21:02You just hit someone with that.
21:04No, I didn't.
21:05What'd you do?
21:06I didn't even throw that.
21:07I didn't do it.
21:08You're on camera.
21:09No, you don't.
21:10Because you're covering 4K.
21:11I didn't do that.