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00:00Nobody eats oatmeal by choice, okay?
00:03Eating oatmeal happens to you.
00:06It's led to my most controversial opinion as a stand-up comedian, okay?
00:10Nobody loves oatmeal, and anyone who says they love oatmeal is lying to you.
00:17Don't trust them as people, okay?
00:20We'll get to you.
00:23Oatmeal is a means to an end. It's a last resort.
00:26Oatmeal is proof that there's a difference between food and sustenance.
00:32Oatmeal is made for two people in this world. One, people who can't chew, you know, so like elderly, you know,
00:38you lost your teeth, babies, I get it, you have a need, you know. Two, it's made for sociopaths on the budget, you know.
00:46People that want a six-pack, you can't afford a gym membership, oatmeal is for you.