Lola Bouvier, 25, a fallen ice-skating star with an outsize ego, decides to become “the greatest roller-derby champion of all time,” but unwittingly joins one of France’s worst teams: the Cannibal Unicorns!
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00:00Get up and you will be reborn under the name of Boobie Mercury.
00:09Drink the blood of the Icarus.
00:15Cannibal.
00:17Icarus.
00:20The Labouvier advances one step.
00:31Bend your knee.
00:33Bend your knee, please, Lola.
00:35Hurry up, Lola.
00:40Unveil your new name.
00:46Ninja Boobie.
00:49No, no, no.
00:50Ok, wait, wait, wait.
00:52Turbo Boobie.
00:54No, no, no.
00:57Ok, I have another one.
00:58Mega Boobie 2000.
01:01No, actually, you can't do that.
01:03Why?
01:04Because it's shit.
01:06You can't put your friend's name in it, it's like that.
01:09It's an old artistic skater and she cuts fingers.
01:12Hashtag finger.
01:15Hashtag Tonya Harding.
01:18Hardwill.
01:20Tonya Hardwill.
01:21A pun.
01:23Very funny, the ref.
01:25It's clear.
01:26It's perfect.
01:28You will be reborn under the name of Tonya Hardwill.
01:33Drink the blood of the unicorns.
01:35No, thank you.
01:37What is it?
01:38The blood of the unicorns.
01:39I know very well that it's not the blood of the unicorns.
01:41Fuck, drink it, it's Bloody Mary.
01:43No, I don't drink alcohol.
01:44Fuck, come on, drink it, seriously, you're annoying.
01:48I'm going to drink.
01:50But with water.
01:51Water.
01:57It stings.
02:05Well, the Goodwill is nice.
02:08But the gothic, Iloel...
02:11The last time I saw her, she was talking to herself.
02:13Like that.
02:15Yeah.
02:19Well, then there's the captain of the team at City Pryne.
02:21But I feel a little...
02:23Grumpy, a little jealous.
02:25Yeah, she must feel threatened.
02:27By my talent, my charisma.
02:30I have an anaesthetic.
02:35Kent against Kent!
02:36No, I said it before.
02:37Anyway, this game sucks, and it's played at four, so it doesn't make any sense.
02:40I'm out.
02:41What, are you leaving?
02:42No, I don't hang out with kids.
02:45Hi, bitches!
02:46I'm at Sportsonic, and I came to say hello to my friend Lola Bouvier.
02:50What are you doing here?
02:53I came to buy this.
02:55A gourd?
02:56Yeah, I'm thirsty.
02:57Aren't you going to say hello, Lola?
02:58Come on, Lola.
02:59Lola Bouvier, say hello!
03:00Come on, I don't want to be a bad girl.
03:07Is it true what they say?
03:09It looks like you signed up with the Cannibal Licorns.
03:12What?
03:13Are you jealous?
03:14Jealous?
03:16Jealous of what?
03:17Of a broken arm team?
03:19Of a former figure skater who was about to be a champion?
03:25I get it.
03:26Two fingers.
03:29In relation to the cut off fingers?
03:30Yeah, yeah, I get it.
03:31Not bad.
03:32Good joke.
03:34But beware.
03:35Of what?
03:37Of the sleeping water.
03:39Huh?
03:40The sleeping water.
03:43No, I don't have it.
03:44She can wake up at any time.
03:46No, she's still not here.
03:47You know that now I'm the Cannibal Licorns' jammer?
03:51But I'd like to see that.
03:52When's your next match?
03:53In two weeks against the Spermicides.
03:55Should I book you a spot in the first row?
03:56Oh no, no need.
03:57There's no one in your matches.
03:58That's true.
04:00Ah, in two weeks then?
04:02Perfect.
04:03Top.
04:04Top.
04:05Top.
04:06Top.
04:07Top.
04:08Top.
04:09Top.
04:10Top.
04:11Top.
04:12Of course.
04:14Come on!
04:15Let me play!
04:16I mean, there are clearly not at my level.
04:18I told you, you're not ready.
04:19Top.
04:20It's in two weeks.
04:21I'll be ready.
04:22Top.
04:23Lola, listen.
04:24I'm the captain.
04:25I'm the one who decides.
04:26Oh yeah?
04:27Like a dictator?
04:28I was democratically elected captain of this team.
04:29Well, I didn't vote for you.
04:31Do you want us to vote again?
04:32Okay, let's vote again.
04:36Those who want me to stay captain, stay here.
04:39Those who don't want to, go to the other side.
04:43Aha!
04:51Oh yeah, I see.
04:52Like a dictator.
04:53Can we start training again now?
04:55Thank you, Lola.
04:57Come on!
04:58Everyone on the track!
05:03Oh, what a bitch!
05:04I swear!
05:06Well, what's going on again?
05:08It's that bitch Cyprien!
05:09She doesn't want me to play in the next match!
05:11That bitch!
05:12You're angry.
05:13Yes, I'm angry, yes!
05:14It's important to be angry, Dad.
05:16It feels good!
05:17Okay, but it's not very pleasant for the people around.
05:19But life is not very pleasant, okay?
05:21Well, what else do you want to do for your birthday?
05:24But why do you always do that?
05:25You change the subject when we talk about important things!
05:27Excuse me, your birthday is an important thing too.
05:31You don't want to invite your girlfriends?
05:32My girlfriends?
05:34No, no.
05:35They're my teammates in the derby roller at the limit.
05:38Okay, if you want.
05:39Why don't you invite that bitch Cyprien?
05:42It will be an opportunity to make you laugh.
05:44You could make her understand what bothers you.
05:47Yeah, you're right.
05:48I'm going to make her understand what bothers me about her.
05:52Come on, girls, hurry up!
05:53I don't have time, I haven't found anyone to keep my son.
05:59Girls!
06:00Next Saturday, I'm celebrating my birthday.
06:02And you're all invited.
06:04It's going to be great!
06:05So I hope you can come.
06:08Boobie.
06:12Mother.
06:18Absinthe.
06:24M.G.
06:37Too bad for you.
06:38You're going to miss a crazy party.
06:53So, what are my gifts?
06:55I hope it's not books.
07:00Thank you, M.G.
07:02Oh, I love it!
07:03It's so cute!
07:06Oh, no, thank you.
07:10Oh, I love it, anyway.
07:14It's mine, this one.
07:22But it's...
07:23It's...
07:24It's...
07:25It's...
07:27Yeah, it's a goat.
07:28Fuck, you don't know it?
07:29Wait, I'll show you.
07:30This is for the clit.
07:31The clit, not the clit.
07:32Does anyone want some cake?
07:34So this one, it's battery-powered.
07:36Do you have batteries, Mr. Bouvier?
07:38I don't know what kind of batteries they are.
07:40They're AA.
07:41I'm going to take the one for your cake.
07:43Don't bother me.
07:47Suspense.
07:49Look at this.
07:50Normal speed.
07:51Can you feel it?
07:52Take that off my face, please.
07:54Does it vibrate well?
07:56This is turbo.
07:57This is turbo.
07:58With this, you squirt.
08:00Do you squirt or not?
08:01With this, you squirt.
08:02It's a water damage.
08:03Honestly, it's not new.
08:04But it's all right.
08:06You know how to do it.
08:07Give it a try.
08:08Come on, Daria.
08:17The five of clubs.
08:19Oh, no.
08:21The six of hearts.
08:23No, no.
08:24Seven of hearts?
08:25No.
08:26No.
08:27How many?
08:28Like this.
08:34What's behind your ear?
08:38No, that's what I have in there.
08:40I kept it for the parking lot.
08:48How did you do that?
08:51I don't play real magic.
08:53Are you serious?
08:54No.
08:55It's in my hat since the beginning.
08:57There's no six of hearts.
08:58There's no six of hearts anywhere.
08:59I hate this kind of charlatan.
09:02Usurper.
09:04Moldy.
09:06Did you know that children are smaller than adults?
09:09Seriously, there's no fishing cream.
09:11Nothing at all.
09:12Seriously.
09:13Did you know that children...
09:14Are you serious?
09:15What?
09:16Aren't you having fun?
09:17I mean, we're at the peak of the party.
09:19Find us some six of hearts, please.
09:21Six of hearts.
09:25Six of hearts.
09:30I'd like to find you at Piccoli, but on one condition.
09:32Tell Acid to let me play in the next match.
09:34Really?
09:35Yeah.
09:36What can I do if I eat in hell?
09:37Same.
09:38I'll do it.
09:54I'll do it.
10:25Hey, come here.
10:27Wait, I want to see.
10:28No, don't look at that.
10:30It's absolutely disgusting.
10:32You like that, don't you?
10:33You like my swag, don't you?
10:43The draguibus are so good.
10:47Where's your mother?
10:49My mother?
10:50You know me.
10:51My mother is dead.
10:52Oh, my God.
10:53It's okay, you couldn't have known.
10:56How is she dead?
10:58In a road accident.
11:00That's why I don't want to get my driver's license.
11:03I would have done the same.
11:04You don't care.
11:05Yeah.
11:06I've had enough, I can't take it anymore.
11:08I've had enough.
11:11God has answered my prayers.
11:15I want to stay, I'm going to fight.
11:17And I'm proud of it.
11:20God gave me faith.
11:23That burns deep inside me.
11:25I have this strength in my heart.
11:27That guides my steps.
11:29God gave me faith.
11:31Yeah, faith, faith, faith.
11:36Ah, Mr. Bigot.
11:37It's not over yet, Mr. Redary.
11:39No, I'm sorry, but it's my daughter's birthday.
11:41So that's why...
11:42This is a quiet neighborhood, okay?
11:43So lower the volume.
11:44And stop that noise.
11:45Okay?
11:46Yeah, yeah.
11:47Mr. Bigot.
11:49Excuse me?
11:51Yeah.
11:55I'm really starting to get attached to these lesbians.
12:00I think I've finally found my thing.
12:03What, the lesbians?
12:05No, not for that.
12:07The derby roller.
12:08Yeah.
12:10Anyway, your teammates are really nice.
12:13No, my girlfriends.
12:14Yeah.
12:16Michael too.
12:18He's nice.
12:19He's really good at magic.
12:22Yeah.
12:25You two must get married at work.
12:28Do you like him?
12:29Yeah.
12:31I have a classmate in high school
12:33that I get along really well with.
12:37Her name's Sylvie.
12:40She's a music teacher.
12:45I'd like you to meet her.
12:47Yeah.
12:50Yeah.
13:00Okay, but how many...
13:01I don't know.
13:03Like...
13:05A lot.
13:06A bunch.
13:07You've never fucked before.
13:09Of course I have, I've already fucked.
13:11Girl, you know it's really rare to be a virgin.
13:13That's so cute.
13:14I'm not a virgin.
13:16Even though I've already sucked.
13:18Describe how you seduced him.
13:21Huh?
13:22How you seduced him.
13:25Yes.
13:26Yeah, of course.
13:28Oh, wow.
13:29He must have liked it.
13:31Yeah.
13:34Yes.
13:37Oh, wow.
13:43Okay, give me your phone.
13:45What? Why?
13:46You have to act.
13:47No.
13:48Yes, give me your phone.
13:52Don't do anything stupid.
13:54It's on Tinder.
13:55What?
13:56Don't worry, you'll thank me.
13:57Stop, no.
13:58My mom's going to yell at me.
13:59She's not going to yell at you.
14:00She'll be so proud.
14:01Ardwil!
14:02What?
14:04Did you try my gift?
14:06Are you out of your mind?
14:07You're overreacting.
14:08I washed it really well.
14:09With white vinegar, bicarbonate, and everything.
14:11Listen, I don't masturbate.
14:13That's right.
14:16It's not true.
14:17It's a joke.
14:19When did you make that decision?
14:21Not long ago.
14:22I thought about it.
14:23It was the best thing to do.
14:24Are you going to tell them?
14:25No, not now.
14:26I don't want to disturb you.
14:27And you keep it for yourself.
14:28Yes, I promise.
14:29I swear on the head of Cthulhu.
14:30Believe me, it wasn't an easy decision.
14:32But I didn't have a choice.
14:33Between math, work, pizza, you know.
14:35I can't take it anymore.
14:36Yeah, yeah.
14:37So, it's the best decision.
14:39Plus, I have almost 30 bags.
14:40I have a backache.
14:41I'm going to bed.
14:42I'm going to bed.
14:43I'm going to bed.
14:44If you want to read it,
14:45I'm going to bed right away.
14:46I want it to be you, captain,
14:49when I leave.
14:50Really.
14:53Yeah, yeah.
14:54Please, you girls.
14:56Ask her.
14:57You promised me my birthday.
14:58What?
14:59What do you want me to do?
15:00If I lie, I go to hell.
15:02Do that for me.
15:04Go, mother.
15:06Oh yeah?
15:07You were telling me
15:08since Lola is already
15:09on the roster,
15:10it might be a good idea
15:11to get her back.
15:12No.
15:13Yes, I knew it.
15:15It's a no.
15:16We tried everything.
15:17It's a no.
15:44Go, go, go.
15:53Fuck, go, go.
15:54Fuck you.
16:13I told you, fuck.
16:37Come on, let's get out of here.
16:44Girls, I can't get past their back.
16:46So, as soon as I get there, you give me a screen.
16:48OK, above all, protect your exterior.
16:49The most important thing is the exterior, it's the most dangerous.
16:51Hard will.
16:52What?
16:53Not last time you cut me off.
16:54Cannibal.
16:55Unicorn.
16:56Booby, Harry, absinthe, thrash.
16:58Come on.
16:59Wait, wait, wait.
17:00Let me in too.
17:01I can reverse the course of the match.
17:02You know it very well.
17:03You still don't understand?
17:04It's a collective sport, you.
17:05OK, great.
17:08Fuck.
17:09Protect your exterior and put me in the tripod.
17:13Five seconds.
17:44No, no, no.
17:48Fuck, what?
17:50In French, an articule.
17:51But what is it?
17:52No, I don't understand anything.
17:53Go ahead, I'm bored.
17:54No, no, no.
17:55Stop it.
17:56No, no, no.
17:57Stop it.
17:58Stop it.
17:59Stop it.
18:00Stop it.
18:01Stop it.
18:02Stop it.
18:03Stop it.
18:04Stop it.
18:05Stop it.
18:06Stop it.
18:07Stop it.
18:08Stop it.
18:09Stop it.
18:10Stop it.
18:11Stop it.
18:42They are aware that they have lost, they are stupid or what?
18:57But it's a crazy thing, we've never scored a goal like that.
19:11It's thanks to you.
19:13But yes, it's thanks to me.
19:15No, I'm kidding, it's thanks to you.
19:17Who do we need alcohol for?
19:19Oh no, thank you, I don't drink that.
19:21Wait, wait, you think you have a choice?
19:231, 2, 3, Lilo!
19:30Of course it burns, but you think we like that?
19:34Lola, can we talk in private for 2 minutes please?
19:37Damn, Acid, this girl is crazy.
19:40Come on, come drink with us.
19:42Yes, Acid, come drink with us.
19:44No, I'm not in the mood for that, I'm going home.
19:49Come on, let's get drunk again, for me!
19:52Ardouille, Ardouille, Ardouille!
19:55No, I don't want to.
20:10Ardouille.
20:41I'm sorry.
20:59Hi, bitches!
21:01I just learned that the Boundary Cup has just arrived in France.
21:03I can tell you that with the Black Wear Doss, we're going to rock it!
21:07I can tell you that with the Black Wear Doss, we're going to rock it!
21:10We'll see about that.