The Queens Nose - Season 7 - Season Seven - Episode 1
Children's drama series about a magical coin which grants wishes. Shortly after going to live with his grandfather, aunt and cousin Gemma at their shop, Jake finds the Queen's Nose and discovers its powers by accidentally giving his ferret the power of speech.
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00:00🎵
00:14🎵
00:29Look! It's the weirdy new boy!
00:32Hey you weirdy boy! Nice jacket!
00:35Hey, you want a berry, new boy?
00:38Go on, have a berry!
00:42That's what we call a traditional Chinese bone.
00:46If you really want to hurt someone, it's a different wrist action.
00:49Where's the new kid?
00:51Oh yeah! I thought I told you this morning, this is my bus shelter.
00:56And if you want to pass my bus shelter, you have to pay the toll.
00:59Yeah? Sweets, chocolates, cash, euros, all major credit cards.
01:07There we go.
01:12Berries.
01:15Now seriously, you're going to regret that, donkey boy.
01:18Aren't you?
01:20Oi! What do you think you're doing, you divot?
01:22Who are you? And who do you think you're calling a divot?
01:26Did you call me a divot?
01:30What's a divot?
01:31It's a little thick lump of turf, Einstein.
01:34You better ask your friends here if you can borrow the brain cell.
01:36Must be your turn to use it this afternoon.
01:38Oi donkey! Come back here!
01:41Pathetic!
01:43Okay, I'll see you later, Lara.
01:45And I'll call you, Lara, okay? Bye!
01:59How was your day, Jake?
02:11Oh, yes. Have you got any shoe leather restorer?
02:26Hello, Jake. You have a good day?
02:28You hungry? I got your tea on.
02:30Your Aunt will be due home in about five minutes.
02:36Black, brown, blue, tan, neutral.
02:38Suede?
02:41Hey, you stop right there. Put that back.
02:47Here, take this instead. A nutty fruit bar. Much better for you than chocolate.
02:52I got your tea on, Gemma. Your mum will be due home in about five minutes.
02:56Oh, yes. I need a rack.
02:58A rack? Of course.
03:00Newspaper, letter, herb, gun, toast.
03:06You want the standard open-base six-slot or the executive ten-slot with integral in-built crumb tray?
03:21It is always a pleasure to do business with you.
03:29Six years he's been coming here, never beaten me yet.
03:35So, are you settling in at school?
03:38No.
03:39You made any new friends?
03:42No.
03:45You know, there's a saying back in the old country.
03:48My grandmother used to say to me all the time,
03:51it is a wide bowl that makes a shallow soup.
03:57Come.
04:10Oh, so lovely. Hello, Dad.
04:13Oh, my feet are killing me.
04:16Hello, sweetie. Hi, Mum.
04:17Hello, Jake. How was school?
04:18Oh, what's the time I've got to do an early supper at the old people's home?
04:22Bills, bills, bills. How was the shop? Good day?
04:26Great. Beat old man Marsh again, shot him down in flames.
04:29Tried to get me with a toast rack.
04:31Dad, a toast rack is not a good day.
04:33What's the profit on a toast rack? 75p?
04:36Look at all these bills. This is why I've got 45 jobs.
04:39Carla, slow down. Take a breath.
04:41You need to take some time out.
04:42Remember the old saying, he who digs deep, deepest digs.
04:48Dad, the shop is not paying. Dig us out of that one.
04:52Oh, yes. Look, I've got something for you.
04:55What is it?
04:57Oh, evening classes.
05:00Salsa, Latin dance, beginners welcome.
05:03You used to love having a dance.
05:04I used to love having an evening.
05:06I've got to work every night at the minicab office, Dad.
05:09Come. Food. Sit down. Take some time out. You're doing too much.
05:14Jake, are you going to join us?
05:17What? Why?
05:20To sit, to eat, to talk, to have conversation, maybe.
05:24That's what we do in our house on mealtimes.
05:27Oh. Well, me and Dad always eat off the tray with the TV.
05:31Saves time.
05:33Then Dad had this brilliant idea.
05:35Paper plates and plastic forks.
05:38Our record was 12 weeks.
05:40Didn't do the washing up once.
05:48Look at all this. Look at all my stuff out here.
05:52Why should I have to get my work room for this loser?
05:55Gemma, can you try and be nice?
05:58Jake is living with us now.
06:00You don't need two rooms and he's got to sleep somewhere.
06:03I need two rooms.
06:05My computer system, my research folder, my geology project.
06:08It takes space.
06:10What does he need? A TV guy and a plastic spoon?
06:13I've lost everything. I can't even find my homework bag.
06:17Gemma, what is this?
06:19That's just my biology project.
06:21It's ants.
06:23Look, I told you, I don't want any pets in the house.
06:27They just make too much work and I'm rushed off my feet as it is.
06:30And we've got Jake here now. No pets.
06:33Mum, it's an ant.
06:36It doesn't exactly take up a lot of room.
06:38They're quiet and house-trained.
06:40It's not going to do a wee on the rug.
06:42Listen, I am going out now.
06:45Get rid of them.
06:49Well, thank you very much.
06:51And where is my homework bag?
06:54Do you hear all that, Frank?
06:56You know what? We can't do this anymore.
06:59We're leaving, Frank.
07:01Maybe we can get a train to Scotland.
07:03Maybe we can go to Dad's Ulrich. What do you think?
07:06Maybe I could be a cabin boy or a stowaway or something.
07:09Frank?
07:11Frank?
07:13Frank!
07:15Jake!
07:21Jake, you neanderthal. You've been in my room.
07:23Look at it. Look at this place.
07:25Frank?
07:27What?
07:28Frank Lee.
07:30No, I haven't been in here.
07:32You must have.
07:33Look at my cross-breeding plant programme.
07:35And this.
07:37And all this.
07:39Have you any idea what this stuff costs?
07:41And my beautiful top.
07:43What did you do to it? Chew it!
07:58Gemma, really, I didn't do this.
08:01I wouldn't. I have great respect for all your stuff.
08:04Whoa!
08:05What are you doing?
08:07Sorry. Sorry.
08:09That was an accident. I...
08:11Whoa!
08:13Stop! Stop it!
08:15What's going on?
08:16It's him. He comes in here, half destroys my room, and look at it.
08:19And now he's come back to finish the job.
08:21I didn't do this. I wouldn't. Honestly.
08:24Of course you did. Who else did it?
08:26Me.
08:27Yes, I'm sorry. I was up here earlier with some of your washing
08:30and I may have knocked a few things.
08:33I'm sorry.
08:37Well, thanks, Frank. You're really making my life easier.
08:41And we've got to cut your nails.
08:48Hello, Jake.
08:50Are you all right?
08:52You haven't finished your unpacking yet?
08:55Here, let me help you.
08:58So you're missing your dad, eh?
09:00Of course.
09:02But you know, this really is the best way.
09:05It's what he does.
09:07He's getting more and more work on the rigs.
09:09You know, it makes sense,
09:12you staying here with your aunt and your old granddad, yes?
09:15Yeah.
09:17It makes sense.
09:21You want to come and help me in the store, yes?
09:29Wow.
09:3124 years' worth of stock in here.
09:35I like to think I can supply all my customers' needs.
09:41Oh, I'll get that.
09:42And then maybe you can help me reclassify the haberdasheries.
09:58Jake?
10:16Jake?
10:19Here...
10:21are...
10:23ten...
10:25wishes.
10:27And...
10:28dear...
10:30talk...
10:31to a...
10:33friend...
10:34until...
10:35your...
10:37friends...
10:39appear.
10:49Jake?
10:52Jake?
10:54You find the haberdashery?
10:56Oh, I get it.
10:58Now I see.
10:59Your life's falling apart, Jake.
11:01Here's 50p.
11:02That'll cheer you up.
11:05What?
11:06The trick till down there.
11:09The till?
11:10The till's in the shop?
11:12Look, thanks, but my dad's gone off.
11:14I get shipped to you with a...
11:16a psycho killer.
11:19I get shipped to you with a...
11:21a psycho girl.
11:22The school's a nightmare.
11:24I really don't think 50p's gonna solve any of my problems, is it?
11:28What can you do with 50p these days?
11:50Urgh!
11:52Look at this, Frank!
11:55Thank you, Gemma!
11:58Sick!
12:01What are we doing here, Frank?
12:03It's just you and me, mate.
12:06Look at this.
12:08You want 50p?
12:10Just about buy you half a box of ferret food.
12:13What was all that talk-to-a-friend nonsense?
12:17What was all that talk-to-a-friend nonsense?
12:20I don't have any friends.
12:22Except you.
12:24You know, I wish you could talk, Frank.
12:27I really do.
12:29Tell you what, Jake, I'm starving.
12:32What?
12:33Who?
12:34Who was that?
12:35Me, Frank!
12:39Frank?
12:41Who do you think it was, the ants?
12:43You wouldn't get the time of day out of those busy little nippers.
12:45OK! OK, Gemma! Where's the radio?
12:48Jake, old son, what say we crack open that box of ferret food you mentioned?
12:52Very funny, Gemma!
12:54Or a pack of pet nibbles?
12:56I'm asleep.
12:58I'm asleep and I'm dreaming.
13:00That's it.
13:01Chocolate biscuits, anything really, Jake.
13:03That's you talking.
13:06That's Frank, the ferret.
13:09Actually talking.
13:11To me.
13:12You got it bang on there, kid.
13:14Now, what say we swing by the kitchen,
13:16pick up a little something, bowl of cat food, dead rodent, nothing fancy,
13:19then pop out for a stroll?
13:21Eh?
13:24And you know what, Frank?
13:26This is great.
13:27I mean, I don't know if I'm asleep or mad or what,
13:30but I don't care.
13:32Because we can talk and it's nice.
13:34And you can tell me about all the incredible things in your head.
13:37Food. Food, mainly.
13:39Well, food totally, actually. I love food.
13:41Is it time for food?
13:42Yeah, but there must be other stuff.
13:44Like amazing ferret stuff you can tell me about.
13:46What do you like to do?
13:48Eat.
13:50Food, yeah, but apart from that?
13:52Well, uh, tunnels, tunnels.
13:54Well, I love tunnels.
13:55Yeah, all them marvellous things.
13:56Show me a tunnel, everything long, dark, tunnel-y, I'll run down it.
13:59But why?
14:00Because there might be food at the end of it.
14:03Hey, come on.
14:04Frank!
14:19What's going on?
14:20That law, they're after me.
14:22Probably still are.
14:24He's not going to forget a huge mouthful of berries in a hurry, is he?
14:27Maybe they're planning something.
14:29An ambush tomorrow when I go past the bush shelter.
14:33Frank, you could sneak over there and have a listen to what they were saying.
14:38Hey, steady on, old son.
14:40I'm not going creeping around spying for you.
14:43Would you do it for a dead mouse?
14:46On me way.
14:51Go on, Frank.
14:53Right, so you give me your geography and I can copy it out tonight.
14:56Well, strictly speaking, that'll be fine, Wes. Fine.
15:00Look at that, my geography, Wes.
15:02Darren, not even a geography teacher wants your geography.
15:08My... my bag, this isn't...
15:10Where's my bag?
15:12Why, it's your bag, Will, it's the only stuff.
15:15Darren, it is not difficult.
15:17I must have dropped my bag and picked this one up.
15:22Then let's put it back somewhere.
15:31Come on.
15:36Well, what did they say?
15:39Frank?
15:40What?
15:41I said go listen to what they were saying.
15:43Yeah, I did.
15:44Oh, you want me to remember it as well?
15:46Yes.
15:47Um, well, they didn't mention food.
15:53But I can exclusively reveal that they found someone's bag and threw it in a tree.
15:58They found someone's bag and threw it in a tree?
16:00Well, I could see all that from here.
16:02What a brilliant secret weapon you are.
16:05Do I get the mouse now?
16:07Mouse?
16:11There's someone coming.
16:13If Carla sees you, you're in big trouble.
16:15It's not in there, I've looked in there.
16:23Hi, everyone, is anyone here?
16:25Hi, Jake.
16:26You okay?
16:28Hey, who put the lights out?
16:30Hi.
16:31Hello.
16:32You're back.
16:33Uh, how was Sunnyview?
16:36Oh, exhausting.
16:38Twenty-five old ladies all wanting exactly the right colour cup of tea.
16:43Close my eyes, I see teacups.
16:46And now I've got to go straight to the minicab office.
16:50Jake?
16:51I'm in the shop, would I have a word?
16:53Just stay there.
16:56Just stay there.
16:59Here, have a little rest.
17:01Maybe pop upstairs for a lie down.
17:04I have to...
17:13You don't understand.
17:15I have to find it.
17:16It's seven weeks of work.
17:18Jake, have you seen Gemma's homework?
17:20It's got her big science presentation in it.
17:22It's assessed coursework.
17:24My data, my research material.
17:26I have looked everywhere.
17:45Carla, you really need to slow down, girl.
17:50No.
17:51No, really.
17:53I haven't seen it anywhere.
17:54This is all your fault.
17:56If you hadn't made me move all my stuff around...
17:59Chief, you're right, I have been overdoing it.
18:02I'm not going to do the minicabs tonight.
18:04I'm going to call in sick.
18:05And then I'm going to drink a long, cold bath.
18:08To sit in a lovely, hot glass of wine.
18:13What about my coursework?
18:15Oh, Jake, are you sure you haven't seen it?
18:17It's inside her homework bag, which was inside another bag.
18:20I definitely had it when I left school.
18:23Come on.
18:34Yes!
18:40You just saved my entire life.
18:44Right.
18:45I need something, and you definitely will not have it.
18:49We sell everything, Mr Marsh.
18:51My downpipe is blocked.
18:53I need something to clear it out.
18:56Of course.
18:58Just one minute.
19:00It'll be out the back.
19:05Jake!
19:06I haven't got it.
19:08I haven't got anything for a blocked pipe.
19:11He's got me. He's finally got me.
19:14A blocked pipe.
19:15Okay.
19:19Come with me.
19:20I think I may just have the solution.
19:25You know what I think?
19:27I think you're bluffing.
19:28I don't believe you've got anything that can help me.
19:31I don't.
19:33But my assistant does.
19:36What's that?
19:37A stoat?
19:38It's a ferret. His name is Frank.
19:40Right, listen.
19:41If you can do this and keep your mouth shut, there's food in it for you.
19:45Food beyond your wildest dreams.
19:48What is it? What is it?
19:49A tunnel?
19:50I love tunnels.
19:51Let me at it.
19:52Up the drainpipe.
19:53I'm in a tunnel.
19:55Get out of my way.
19:56This is my favourite.
19:57Up we go.
19:59Out the way.
20:00Here I am.
20:05That will be £3.50.
20:07Equipment hire, Mr Marsh.
20:09Plus the VAT.
20:11I'll get you one day.
20:13I will get you one day.
20:16That was brilliant, Jake.
20:18Did you see his face?
20:20I haven't felt this relaxed in ages.
20:24What the heck is that?
20:26That's a weasel.
20:27There's a weasel in my house.
20:29It's a ferret.
20:30It's Frank.
20:31It's mine.
20:32Look, Carla, I know how you feel about pets,
20:34but this one is clean and friendly and he's easy to look after.
20:37And he's just saved my bacon.
20:39Please, Carla.
20:40What's that?
20:42It's Frank.
20:43He's a ferret.
20:45Please, Carla, can we keep him?
20:47I...
20:48Well, what about Gemma?
20:50I wouldn't even let her have an ant.
20:52I don't mind.
20:54Whatever Jake wants is OK by me.
20:56He did find my back.
20:58Oh, OK.
20:59Maybe I was a bit over the top about the ant.
21:02To tell you the truth,
21:04I've been upstairs in that bath and now I feel so relaxed.
21:07I just realised that I've been a bit snappy and stressed out lately.
21:11You were right, Dad.
21:12I just need to slow down.
21:14Well, so if no-one else minds,
21:16I suppose we have got room for a weasel and an ant or two.
21:20Yes!
21:21It's a ferret, Carla.
21:23A ferret.
21:25And I'll tell you what, where's that piece of paper?
21:28I'm going to sign up for that SAS class right now.
21:33What a day.
21:35I wish I could tell my dad about it.
21:37Well, go on, then.
21:39Don't be stupid.
21:40How can I do that?
21:42He's like 400 miles away in the middle of the North Sea.
21:45Jake, you are arguing with a ferret.
21:47How do you think you're doing that?
21:49Now, was it, um, talk to a friend?
21:52Until your friends appear.
21:54Do you really think it was this?
21:56Yeah.
21:58You really think this has got ten wishes in it?
22:01It's ridiculous.
22:03It's unbelievable.
22:06It's unbelievable.
22:08All things weird and wonderful, all ferrets, great...
22:10All right, OK, I'll test it.
22:14But what can I...
22:16Oh, that's easy.
22:19I wish I could see my dad.
22:21Right here, right now.
22:25See?
22:27He's never going to...
22:30Dad?
22:32Dad!
22:34Jake?
22:36Hey, is that you?
22:38I...
22:40What?
22:42Jake, your dad's a little confused.
22:44Let me explain, Harry.
22:46It's quite simple.
22:48You've been transported here on a magic wish.
22:50You remember Frank, Dad?
22:52Oh, right, ho.
22:54I get it, I'm asleep.
22:57These 13-hour shifts, I've fallen asleep on the job again.
23:00Hey, how are you, mate?
23:02I'm OK, yeah. You?
23:04Yeah, I'm doing fine.
23:06It's been really weird, Dad.
23:08All the kids at school are stupid and the food here, it's different.
23:12I'm sorry, Jake.
23:14Actually, I've really got to wake up.
23:16Right now, I've got 38 men waiting for me to release a pressure valve down on level D.
23:21If I don't do it soon, the whole system could overload.
23:24Oh, OK.
23:26Yeah.
23:28I've really missed you.
23:30Oh, I've missed you too.
23:32Love.
23:34Yeah, yeah, of course. The pressure valve.
23:36Yeah.
23:38You'd better go.
23:40I'll see you, mate.
23:48White bean egg.
23:54White bean egg.