Hazel (1961-1966) TV series _ s3ep2
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00:00Oh, well, I finished the dishes.
00:06Oh, good, Hazel. Now relax. You've had a busy day.
00:09Yeah, I thought I'd go in my room and put up my feet and raise it.
00:14Oh, you still reading the sports section, Mr. B?
00:18Yes, I am, Hazel.
00:20Oh. Well, go right ahead. Don't let me stop you.
00:25He was reading it when I was in here five minutes ago. I thought he'd be finished.
00:30Oh, that's all right, Mr. B. I'm in no hurry.
00:34I suppose I shouldn't judge everybody by myself. You know, I can zip through a paper in two seconds flat.
00:40I'm sure you'll be through in a minute, Hazel.
00:42Oh, sure. That's no—no rush.
00:46You know how you can tell a slow reader? Their lips move.
00:50My lips do not move.
00:51No, of course not, Mr. B. You're an intelligent man.
00:55No, I was thinking about Rosie.
00:57All right. Now, if you'll just stop interrupting, maybe I'll have a chance to finish this.
01:03Missy?
01:04Hmm?
01:05Has Mr. B had his eyes examined lately?
01:08No. Why?
01:09Well, I thought maybe he needed glasses. There must be some reason why he reads so slow.
01:14Hazel?
01:16Yes, Mr. B?
01:17If you interrupt me one more time, I'm going to suggest you start reading the Help Wanted ads.
01:23Boy, I better go call Rosie.
01:26Oh, Mr. B., you know what Rosie's going to do?
01:28She's going to go to night school and take up a course a lot of big executives are taking.
01:33Oh? What kind of a course is that?
01:36Speed reading.
02:18Well, for heaven's sakes, how long is she going to be gone?
02:22Oh, well, I guess only for a day or so. I hope so. Mr. B.'s going to be furious.
02:27Do you mean Mrs. Baxter left town without even telling him?
02:31Oh, she had to. If she didn't hurry, she would have missed the plane.
02:35She just called the office and talked to his secretary.
02:38Well, Hazel, you'd better watch him. You know what they say.
02:41When the cat's away, the mice will play.
02:43Oh, Mr. B. ain't that kind of a man.
02:45That's what you think, Hazel. Mr. Baxter's just like all the rest of them.
02:49He's got an eye for a pretty ankle.
02:51What do you mean?
02:53Well, one day in the supermarket, I caught him looking at me.
02:57Oh, Rosie, you've got such a vivid imagination.
03:00Imagination, huh? He spoke to me.
03:03Yeah? What did he say?
03:05He asked me if I needed a ride home.
03:07Oh, Rosie.
03:09Well, it wasn't so much what he said as the way he said it.
03:12He was just trying to be nice to you.
03:14Boy, I hate to think of what he's going to do when he finds out Missy ain't here.
03:18He's going to be so mad.
03:20Mad? Why should he be mad? Miss Baxter had no choice.
03:23He's going to be mad because he's going to miss her.
03:26That's why he's going to feel deserted.
03:28A brilliant man like Mr. B. can't get along by himself.
03:31He needs somebody to take care of him.
03:33Then why do you think he's so smart?
03:35Well, Einstein was the same way.
03:37He never could find his socks, and he'd forget to get his hair cut.
03:40Now, you take Barney.
03:42He's what I call a low-budget I.Q.
03:45Barney just delivers the mail all day long,
03:47and when he has a little free time, he soaks his feet.
03:50You don't have to worry about a man like Barney.
03:52But a man like Mr. B., boy, he'd starve to death if Missy and me didn't take care of him.
03:58Oh, I'd like to see his face when you tell him.
04:01Oh, no.
04:04Oh, no, you wouldn't, Rosie.
04:06Oh, he's frightening when he's mad.
04:08He turns all colors and the veins stand out in his forehead.
04:11Mr. Baxter?
04:13Oh, I can't believe it.
04:14Oh, it's terrifying.
04:16Boy, he looks just like a purple Charles Boyer.
04:19Hi, Hazel.
04:21Hi.
04:22Hello, Harold.
04:23When's dinner?
04:24Well, dinner's going to be in about an hour, sport.
04:27Where's Mother?
04:28She ain't here.
04:30She won't be here tonight.
04:32What do you mean?
04:33Well, you see, she had to go to your Aunt Barbara's for a day or so.
04:36She won't be here at all?
04:38Well, no, because you see, your Aunt Barbara...
04:40Mother never goes away.
04:42Well, this is kind of an emergency, sport.
04:45You know, your Aunt Barbara's got them four little kids and a new baby to take care of,
04:49and then she went and sprained her ankle and somebody had to help out.
04:53Oh.
04:55Ain't that pitiful?
04:58Poor kid's stunned.
05:01Hazel?
05:02Yes, sport?
05:03As long as Mother isn't here, can I stay up later tonight?
05:06No, you can't stay up later, and go and get ready for dinner.
05:10Okay, Hazel.
05:14Doesn't look very stunned to me.
05:16Oh, he recovers fast, that's all.
05:18But I sent him away so he wouldn't be here when Mr. B explodes.
05:22You know, it ain't right for a boy to see things like that.
05:24As a matter of fact, that's why I'm making the pie.
05:27I don't get it.
05:28Well, you've heard the old saying, apple pie soothes the savage beast.
05:31You mean music.
05:33Maybe with other people, but with Mr. B, it's pie.
05:42Here comes Dad!
05:44Wait a second!
05:46You know what I told you about your mother?
05:49If your dad ain't heard about it yet, you better let me tell him.
05:52Okay.
05:54There he is.
05:56Hi, Dad!
05:58Hello, son. How are you?
06:00Swell! I've been playing hockey on roller skates.
06:02Good for you!
06:04How was your day?
06:05Very good. While you were playing hockey, I was playing hooky from the office.
06:08I played a round of golf this afternoon.
06:10Did you win?
06:11What's your second question?
06:12Did you break a hundred?
06:13Do you have a third question?
06:14Did you bring me a tea?
06:16No, that I did.
06:18Here you are.
06:23Dad brought me a tea, Hazel.
06:25He's been playing golf, but don't ask him how he did.
06:28Oh, swell. Well, now, you run up to your room, sport.
06:32What's this?
06:33Well, I want to have a little talk with you, Mr. B, in private.
06:37Oh, well, all right, son. Will you run upstairs?
06:40Yeah, well, suppose we go in the living room, Mr. B, so you can sit down.
06:44Hazel, what'd he do?
06:46Do? Oh, he didn't do nothing. Harold's the best boy in the world.
06:49And you know what's so terrific about him?
06:51He never loses his temper.
06:53Well, that's true. Harold's a very even-tempered boy.
06:56Well, he don't get it from your side of the family, Mr. B.
06:59He gets it right from Missy and maybe his Aunt Barbara.
07:02Hazel, will you please tell me what this is all about?
07:05Oh, sure. Um, sit down, Mr. B.
07:09You ain't been in touch with your office this afternoon, huh?
07:13No. Have they been trying to get in touch with me?
07:15No, but Missy and me have.
07:17Well?
07:18I wanted to tell you, I baked you an apple pie and I got you some cheese to go with it.
07:23Hazel, now, I assume you have something more important to tell me than that, so will you please get on with it?
07:27Yes, sir.
07:28Take a deep breath, Mr. B.
07:30No, I will not take a deep breath. Now, tell me.
07:33Now, you see, you're losing your temper.
07:35Yes, I'm losing my temper.
07:36Yeah, I knew you would. I told Rosie, but I didn't think it would come this soon.
07:41Hazel Burke, if you don't tell me what's happening, I'll...
07:43Okay, okay. Aunt Barbara, you know, with them four little kids, she went and sprained her ankle.
07:50Oh, that's too bad.
07:51Yeah, that's what Missy thought. You know, Missy, she's just got a heart of pure gold.
07:55So, you know what she did? She volunteered to go and help out for a few days.
08:00Well, that's fine.
08:02I don't think I'm getting through to you, Mr. B.
08:06She went.
08:07Well, that's fine, Hazel, and if Barbara needs help...
08:10Well, I mean, she ain't gonna be here tonight.
08:14What's tonight?
08:15Thursday.
08:17By golly, I'm gonna try to get me up a poker game.
08:31Jerry? George Baxter. How are you? Good.
08:35Look, Dorothy's out of town, and I'm thinking of getting up a little game of penny ante. Interested?
08:40I thought I could count on you.
08:43No, we don't want Hazel in the game.
08:46Well, I know she's good, but, Jerry, you didn't lose so much as you have to get even.
08:50Well, how about 15 minutes later?
08:52No sport.
08:56Ten minutes?
08:57No.
08:58Harold, this is for our poker game tonight.
09:01Are you playing?
09:02You playing? Don't I always?
09:04Boy, I got such terrific card sense, I've just been cleaning up lately.
09:12Harry? George Baxter.
09:15I was just talking to Jerry, and we decided to get up a little poker game.
09:19Interested?
09:21That's my boy.
09:23Oh, come over about eight.
09:25Hmm?
09:26No, no, we don't want Hazel in the game.
09:29Harry, you tried to get even last time.
09:32Besides, I'd just rather she wouldn't play.
09:34Five minutes later?
09:35No sport. I'm sorry, you gotta go to bed at your usual time.
09:39One minute?
09:40No, you're just trying to be funny.
09:42Well, will you tell me a story after I go to bed?
09:46Oh, I can't tonight, sport, on account of the poker game.
09:52Spence? George Baxter?
09:55Was there something wrong?
09:57Well, Spence, you sound terrible.
09:59Well, things couldn't be worse, George. I've had another fight with Doc.
10:02You would fall in love with a professional woman.
10:05What happened this time?
10:06Doc and I were having dinner in a nice little place.
10:09You know, soft lights, music, champagne.
10:11I was holding her hand under the table.
10:13I was just about to pop the question when she said,
10:15Spence, do you know why you breathe through your mouth like that?
10:19Well, I knew why, because I'm crazy about her.
10:22But like a fool, I said, why?
10:24And do you know what she said to me, George?
10:26Can you imagine what she said?
10:28She said, you breathe through your mouth because you have a deviated septum.
10:35Well, it ruined the whole evening.
10:37Well, why don't you forget your troubles and come over and play a little poker tonight?
10:40Well, I don't think I can do that.
10:41No, I want to stay here by the phone in case she might call me.
10:44Well, look, Doc plays poker too, doesn't she?
10:48Well, why don't I give her a call and invite her over to play?
10:51Maybe you can patch up your little tiff.
10:53Hey, would you do that, George? Would you?
10:55Oh, George, I can't thank you enough.
10:58Oh, about 8 o'clock. Fine, Spence, see you then.
11:02What? No, no, Hazel won't be playing.
11:06Well, because I don't want her to, Spence.
11:08I shouldn't have let this get started in the first place.
11:11Spence, she hasn't won that much from you.
11:14Fine. I'll see you then.
11:16Oh, by the way, what's Doc's number?
11:19All right. Call her right away. Bye.
11:24And her plane should have arrived a couple of hours ago.
11:26So after dinner, we'll give her a call.
11:28It sure seems funny, doesn't it? Calling Mother long distance.
11:32Yes, it does, son.
11:34I was thinking about her before dinner, and do you know what I did?
11:38I picked up my room.
11:40Well, good for you. Now, you tell her that on the phone.
11:42Okay.
11:44Everything all right?
11:46Just fine, Hazel, just fine.
11:48Oh, I would have said it was kind of lonesome around here myself.
11:51Well, we're going to call her after dinner, and we'll find out how long she'll be gone.
11:54Oh, wonderful. She'll be glad to hear all the news.
11:58Hazel, she's only been gone a couple of hours. There isn't any news.
12:02Oh, well, she'd like to hear about our poker game tonight.
12:06Hazel, you aren't playing poker with us tonight.
12:09I ain't?
12:10No, we already have five playing.
12:13Oh, well, I thought maybe the fellas would like a chance to get even.
12:18Hazel, you haven't won that much.
12:21Oh, how do you think I paid for my badminton racket? You know, they don't give them away.
12:25Don't worry about it.
12:28Oh, who's coming over tonight?
12:31Well, Jerry Dunbar, Harry Williams, Jack Spencer, and Doc Gordon.
12:35Doc Gordon? Oh, I don't think we've ever met.
12:39No, I don't believe you have.
12:41Well, be careful, Mr. B.
12:43You know, you've got this tendency to draw to an inside straight.
12:47Hazel, now I'm perfectly capable of playing my own poker hands.
12:51May I please have some more coffee?
12:53Yes, sir. Coming right up.
13:02Hazel?
13:03Rosie, what are you doing over here at dinner time?
13:07Well, I just came over between courses.
13:09I'll bet Mr. Baxter's going out tonight, isn't he?
13:12Of course not.
13:13Well, has he made any mysterious phone calls?
13:16Oh, Rosie, for Pete's sake.
13:19He's just going to have some fellas over to play poker.
13:22No women?
13:23Are you out of your mind?
13:25Well, all I know is when the cat's away, the mice will play.
13:28Oh, you ain't only between courses, you're as far off base as you can get.
13:32There ain't going to be no women, just the regular fellas and some doctor I ain't met yet.
13:37So do you mind if I serve Mr. B. his coffee now?
13:46Well, you pulled the surprise, didn't you?
13:49Well, I'm sorry, darling, but I knew that you'd understand.
13:52Oh, of course I understand. How's Barbara?
13:55Oh, boy, that's rough.
13:57How long will she be off her feet?
13:58Well, at least two days, George. Maybe even three.
14:02Are you getting along all right, darling?
14:04Oh, we're getting along just fine.
14:06Both Harold and Hazel are standing here dying to talk to you.
14:09Tonight I'm going to play a little poker.
14:11I'll get it, Mr. B.
14:13Don't let her hang up till I get a chance to talk to her.
14:15Jerry Dunbar, Harry Williams, Jack Spencer, Doc Gordon.
14:18Yeah, she's had another argument with Spence, but I'm trying to get them together again.
14:23Hello.
14:24Hello.
14:25This is the Baxter residence, isn't it?
14:28Yeah.
14:29Is, uh, Mr. Baxter in?
14:33Oh, yeah.
14:34Who will I say is calling?
14:36Tell him Dr. Gordon's here.
14:38Oh, oh, Doc Gordon, oh.
14:41Yeah, is your husband parking the car?
14:44Oh, I'm not married.
14:46I'm Doc Gordon.
14:49You ain't the Doc Gordon that's playing cards here tonight.
14:53Yes, I am.
14:56Oh, for Pete's sake.
14:58Uh, come on in.
15:00Uh, Mr. B's on the phone.
15:04He's talking long distance to his wife.
15:07They've been happily married for 11 years.
15:10Yes, I know.
15:11It's almost a miracle these days, isn't it?
15:13Oh, no, not when two people care as much for each other as they do.
15:17Well, if you'll just go in the living room and sit down, Mr. B will be with you in a minute.
15:22That is, if he ever gets through talking on the phone the way he cares about Missy, they could talk for hours.
15:34And do you know what I found under my bed?
15:36The socks I lost two weeks ago.
15:39You see, Harold, it does pay to pick up your room once in a while.
15:43Harold, now you mind Hazel while I'm gone, understand?
15:47Oh, sure. Doesn't everybody?
15:50She just came back. Do you want to talk to her?
15:53Okay, goodnight. Mother wants to talk to you.
15:56Thanks, boy. One of your fellas just come.
15:59Oh, who, Hazel?
16:00The fella I ain't met yet, you know, Doc Gordon?
16:02Oh, Hazel, he's not a fella, that's a woman.
16:04Yeah, so I noticed.
16:07Honey, looks like the poker party's starting. I love you, too. Goodbye.
16:14Just a minute, Missy. Harold, why don't you go help your dad entertain his guest?
16:18How will I entertain?
16:19Well, recite for him, you know, the poem I taught you under the spreading chestnut tree?
16:23Oh, sure.
16:24And Harold?
16:25Yeah?
16:26Why don't you sit on his knee while you recite?
16:29Okay.
16:31Hi, Missy.
16:32Hi, Missy.
16:33Oh, everything's fine. Yeah, terrific.
16:38Well, there's nothing for you to worry about, not a thing.
16:43Could you come home tomorrow?
16:48Harold, you're ruining the crease in my trousers.
16:52Besides, I want to talk to Dr. Gordon.
16:54Don't you want to hear me recite anything?
16:57Not right now, son. Maybe a little later.
17:00Would you please run along?
17:02Okay.
17:06Doc, before Spence gets here, I'd like to talk to you.
17:09Do you know that man's crazy about you?
17:11Yes, I know, George.
17:13And I guess I'm crazy about him.
17:16Oh, well, then could you make it the next day?
17:18Hazel, are you worried about something?
17:21Well, then why are you so insistent that I come back right away?
17:26Oh, no reason. Everything is fine.
17:29You know me. I'll keep my eye on things.
17:33Yeah, all right. Bye.
17:36Boy, will I keep my eye on things.
17:44Hey, why aren't you in there reciting?
17:48Because Dad sent me out of the room.
17:50Oh, boy.
17:52Well, you go on up to bed, Spoy.
17:54I've got a feeling I'm going to have a private consultation with the doctor.
17:58Doc, please listen to me.
18:01Any man can make a mistake and regret it later.
18:04I suppose so, George.
18:06You have to forget and start over again.
18:08You have to give a man another chance.
18:11Oh, George, dear George.
18:14I know you're right. I'll do it.
18:17Mr. B., excuse me for intruding on your private conversation.
18:22Or is the doctor taking your pulse?
18:26No, she's not taking my pulse.
18:28Oh, are you taking hers?
18:31Hazel, what is it?
18:33Well, I'd like a little private conversation with you.
18:37Out in the hall.
18:39Is it important?
18:41Just about as important as they come.
18:44Excuse me.
18:49Well?
18:50Mr. B., I want to talk to you man to man.
18:53Excuse me.
18:57George, boy, how are you?
18:59Hello, Harry. Come in.
19:00Hi, Jerry.
19:01Couldn't be better, George.
19:02Hi, Hazel. Sorry you're not joining the game tonight.
19:04Oh, which game was you referring to, Mr. Williams?
19:06What, poker?
19:08Aren't we playing poker tonight, George?
19:09Oh, of course we are. Doc Gordon's joined us.
19:12Hey, wow.
19:14Hi, Doc.
19:15Oh, isn't she a doll?
19:17Why can't I get just a little bit sick?
19:20Relax, tiger. She's taken.
19:22Now, Hazel, what is it?
19:24Mr. B., listen.
19:26You know, Missy is just like a daughter to me.
19:28And I've always looked on you as kind of like a kid brother.
19:32I'm real fond of you, Mr. B.
19:34Well, thank you, Hazel. I'm fond of you, too.
19:36Well, that's why I've always been willing to forgive your faults.
19:38You know, like overeating and not hanging up your clothes.
19:41Hazel, will you please get to the point?
19:42You're darn too...
19:43Excuse me.
19:48Hi, Spence. Come in.
19:49Hello, George. Hazel.
19:51Good evening, Mr. Spencer.
19:53Spence?
19:54Look who's in the living room.
19:55Isn't she beautiful?
19:58Hazel, I'll have to talk to you a little later.
20:00Wait a minute, Mr. B.
20:02Hazel, my guests have arrived.
20:03Now, will you please bring in the crackers and cheese?
20:06Cheese ain't all I'm bringing in.
20:08Boy, Cupid ain't flying tonight, if I can help it.
20:14Hazel!
20:21Oh, hi, Rosie.
20:22Did you read the writing on the wall?
20:24He's in there now with a gorgeous female doctor.
20:27I knew it. I knew it.
20:29When the cat's away, the mice will play.
20:32Yeah, and the rats is having a swell time, too.
20:35But I'm going to fix them.
20:36What are you going to do?
20:37Well, I'm going to make a special dish of cheese spread just for Mr. B.
20:43Oh.
20:50What are you putting in it?
20:51Garlic.
20:55All right, who didn't addy?
20:57Come on, someone's late.
20:59Spence?
21:00Oh, I'm sorry.
21:04All right, jacks are better, gentlemen and lady.
21:08Oh, thank you, sir.
21:10I'll open for one.
21:11I want everybody to stay in.
21:13I'll stay.
21:14And me.
21:15Not past the Iron Duke.
21:17I'm in.
21:18I made this especially for you, Mr. B.
21:20Thank you, Hazel.
21:21Cards?
21:22Three, please, George.
21:24Ain't you going to try it?
21:25A little later, Hazel.
21:26Spence?
21:27Four.
21:28Oh, there's a gambler for you.
21:30Harry?
21:31Three, George, three good ones.
21:33Just spread this cracker for you.
21:34Fine, I've been saving these three little ones for you.
21:36I'll take one, George.
21:38And one for the dealer.
21:41Just pop this in your mouth.
21:45Hazel, that's loaded with garlic.
21:48Oh, well, that's the way you like it, ain't it?
21:50Oh, boy, we may have to evacuate the building.
21:54Well, I hope it don't bother nobody.
21:58Not me.
21:59George, we're soul mates.
22:00I love garlic.
22:04Hazel, would you fix me a cracker, please?
22:06Oh, well, I just fixed this for Mr. B.
22:09Hazel, would you mind fixing her a cracker?
22:12Anything my guests want, they get.
22:15Yes, sir.
22:17How come you fellas didn't want me in the game tonight?
22:20Oh, we did, Hazel.
22:21We just wanted a chance to get even.
22:23Oh.
22:24Oh, here you are, Dr. Gordon.
22:26Thank you, Hazel.
22:27You're in kind of a funny position, Mr. B.,
22:30saying you want your guests to get anything they like
22:33and then not asking me to be in the game.
22:35All right, Hazel, all right.
22:37Bring up a chair.
22:38Okay.
22:39I'll sit right here between you and Dr. Gordon.
22:47Does garlic on a doctor's breath bother you?
22:50Well, that all depends on how close I can get to the doctor.
22:53Oh, I think you should be close.
22:55It's important in a doctor-patient relationship, don't you think?
22:58Yes, I do.
22:59But what about the garlic?
23:00That could pose a problem.
23:02Oh, I think I know what to prescribe.
23:05What?
23:06Say, ah.
23:07Ah.
23:10Now bite.
23:18Come on, Doc, you opened.
23:21Harry, don't disturb me when I'm operating.
23:24And I do mean on you.
23:26Well, here we go.
23:29Would you mind moving over a little?
23:31Oh, not at all.
23:33A little more, please.
23:35Yes.
23:38Mr. B., you better mind your Ps and Qs.
23:41What are you talking about?
23:42Flirty Gertie over there can't seem to make up her mind.
23:46But what about my deviated septum?
23:48I adore your deviated septum.
23:51It needs constant medical attention.
23:54Day and night, year after year.
23:56Well, if you refer me to another doctor, I'll turn you over my knee.
24:01Not a chance. You'll never get rid of me.
24:03We're going to get married just as soon as the law allows.
24:07Yes, sir.
24:08My friends, it's been a nice poker game, and I am the big winner.
24:12We haven't even finished one hand.
24:14Doc and I are getting married.
24:16Hey, what's going on here?
24:18Well, Hazel, it was...
24:19Oh, Mr. B., that garlic.
24:22Hazel, Spence and Doc had a little fight,
24:24and I invited Doc to join our game in hopes he could patch it up.
24:27Are you kidding?
24:28No, I'm not kidding.
24:29Oh, that crazy Rosie.
24:32She was so sure that you had some hanky-panky going on.
24:35Can you imagine? I never believed it for a minute.
24:38Come on, let's play some poker.
24:40I'm saving up for ice skates.
25:29A Screen Gems Production.