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00:00Oh, oh, oh, bright balls of fire, I'm audacious.
00:18Oh, oh, oh, bright balls of fire, I'm a fright.
00:22Oh, oh, oh, bright balls of fire, goodness gracious.
00:27I'm chop, chop, chop, chop, choppin' with all of my might.
00:31Yay!
00:36Registered letter for you, Snuffy.
00:39Can't be for me. Nobody I knows can write.
00:43Ah, let's have a look at that letter.
00:45Oh, betcha it's from them, their income taxers.
00:49Everybody get your rifle. I ain't goin' to work and I ain't goin' no jail neither.
00:54You ain't goin' to jail, Snuffy. You're goin' to school.
00:58I'd rather go to jail.
01:00June 11th, 1929.
01:02Snuffy Smith is hereby granted admission to Backward University.
01:07Full scholarship grants to all those sons of the heroes of the Battle of Gulch Falls.
01:12Backward U welcomes you.
01:151929. Why, that's 33 years ago.
01:19My stars. Oh, the mail's a-gettin' quicker.
01:23It says here, report September 11th. That's 33 years ago tomorrow.
01:27Come on, Snuffy, we're late. Let's go.
01:30I ain't goin'.
01:32No, sirree.
01:40All right, students. Open your anatomy texts to the chest section.
01:46Mr. Smith, you start reading.
01:49How do you expect me to read with this here book in my chest section?
01:53Uh, Mr. Professor, he can't read today. He's, uh, uh, he's got a frog in his throat.
01:59Well, then, Mr. Smith, come here and complete this problem.
02:04One plus one equals...
02:07Let me see. Uh, one and another one. Uh, that would be, uh, I mean, uh...
02:13Frog in his throat, my foot. You can't read and you can't write.
02:18You go back to kindergarten.
02:20He can't do that.
02:22Why not?
02:24He flunk blocks.
02:26Now get out of here and don't come back until you can read.
02:41By Jove, what a blow to my cranium.
02:44Why, Snuff, you sound awful uppery.
02:59You're quite wrong. It's 9,630,042 and a half.
03:04Huh? Who said that?
03:06I did.
03:07You? I told you not to come back to class until you could add one and one.
03:11Uh, one plus one equals two, and furthermore, E equals MC squared.
03:15E equals MC squared? I quite agree.
03:19Why, my man, you are a genius.
03:22It's really nothing, and nothing equals the cosine of 46 divided by the hypotenuse of 7.
03:28I dare say.
03:31And so much for Shakespeare.
03:35Now, dear students, I will open this lecture to a question and answer period.
03:40Ah, Mr. Smith, can you tell us Napoleon's last words when he lost the Battle of Waterloo?
03:45Yes, chaps. His last words were...
03:55Sir, I'm Bean Dusk from the State Department. I've been sent by Washington to ask you a question.
04:00Who will be the first man on the moon?
04:03I will.
04:05You will? How long will it take you to get there?
04:08Fifteen minutes, if the lights are with me.
04:13Snuffy Smith, Snuffy Smith, give him a hug and a kiss, kiss, kiss.
04:16And when we do, he will turn blue. True, true blue for backward you. Yay!
04:26Forward, backward, backward, forward, any way we'll do.
04:34Take an ax and beat the brains out, 40-year-old backward you.
04:50Louisy, how come you let me go fishing without my pole?
04:54He's his own sweet smelling self again.
04:58Yes, instant stupid.
05:04Telegram for you, Snuffy.
05:09Get off my property.

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