Gogglebox UK S24E02 (2024)
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Is it? Please will you have a look at my bum and see if I've got a spot on inside of my bum cheek?
00:04Why have you just pulled your trousers and your pants down?
00:07I'm scared. How close is your bum to my face? I'm freaking out. I had to put a bit of journaling on it. Oh my Christ.
00:17No, here we go. They've got him. Oh, what are you doing? Oh, she's a chicken nugget.
00:24Isn't it embarrassing Merlin?
00:26Huh? Huh? Oh, kiss. Oh, that's a bit forward. This is raunchy, isn't it? Bring on the delves. Yeah!
00:33Who's in for the finger this week, isn't it? Oh. Oh. It's so bad, it's actually good. It's actually good.
00:40What just happened? Siri, call Ofcom.
00:44In the week a couple of squirrels caused chaos on a train to Gatwick, we enjoyed lots of great telly.
00:51Jack Whitehall headed stateside for some sauna action on Netflix.
00:55I'd found a, and I cannot stress the inverted commas enough, doctor offering a non-traditional sweat lodge experience in California.
01:03I don't get why he couldn't have just gone to the one at Centre Parcs at Sherwood Forest.
01:07That's probably nearer his house. Probably cheaper to go to Los Angeles.
01:12Troublesome ghoulies were giving us a fright on the Really Channel.
01:17I
01:24always felt someone was in the staff room with me, even though I knew that I was there alone.
01:29You know, sometimes I feel like mum hovers over me when I'm sleeping.
01:32Like, no joke. I'll just be like, I swear I can feel a presence here.
01:37And I'll open my eyes and I'll be like, why are you watching me?
01:40And she'll be like, oh, I thought, you know, wake you up to, for work.
01:43And then I'll be like, I have an alarm for that. Don't be creepy.
01:47And Nadia was clearing out a fridge on BBC Two.
01:51We waste over four million potatoes every single day in the UK.
01:56So next, a nifty recipe to make the most of those final few spuds.
02:00Potatoes are so good. Like, let's just think about potatoes. You get a roast potato, a hash brown, a chip,
02:08fries, if we go in there, mashed potatoes.
02:12Then, like, new potatoes.
02:14Dauphinoise potatoes.
02:15Dauphinoise potatoes.
02:17Loads of different potatoes. And they're just
02:20multi-talented food that they bring so much to the table.
02:24Scallops.
02:24Scallops.
02:25Scallops!
02:26Oh, scallops are naughty. I love a scallop.
02:29In Leeds.
02:30So I posted on Bearded Dragon Forum UK, a picture of JubJub.
02:35Did you?
02:36Saying, lost my rescue beardy JubJub today. He had to be put to sleep.
02:40Posting here as to outsiders, he was only a lizard. But I know people in here will get it.
02:45Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
02:47It did feel very much like turning off life support.
02:51I was like, oh, I'm going to have to go back to bed.
02:53I was like, oh, I'm going to have to go back to bed.
02:55It did feel very much like turning off life support.
02:59Turning off the Viv lights.
03:01The empty Viv.
03:02The empty Viv.
03:02I know, turning it off.
03:03With no lights.
03:04And I keep looking at it.
03:05It's making me want to cry now. It's just so final.
03:11Yeah, it is.
03:12It was like, JubJub. I literally ran away from it. I didn't like it.
03:19On Tuesday night, Nadia was back in the kitchen on a cost-saving crusade on BBC Two.
03:26Hello, son.
03:32Some of the stuff she makes, I do think that looks bloody tasty.
03:35I wouldn't cook it myself because I can't be arsed, but her food does look nice.
03:39In these tricky times, we're all looking for ways to make the most of our weekly food shop.
03:44No one cooking in a kitchen like that is going through hard times.
03:46I'll show you clever ways to transform food scraps into fabulous dishes.
03:52Food scraps is food scraps, isn't it? Bob eats them for us.
03:55I like that.
03:56You like that, yeah?
03:57Yeah.
03:57Cook once, eat twice is my feel-good food philosophy.
04:01Finish the plate. That's my current philosophy.
04:09Tell you what, there's no leftovers or food scraps in my house, especially with Colin around.
04:13I know, he even eats lettuce.
04:15There's not much you won't eat, like a walking wheelie bin.
04:18What was that thing that Huw's daughter did when she dived into bins?
04:23Was it called freeganism?
04:25No, what was it called?
04:26Skip diving.
04:27Skip diving, where you got out food that supermarkets were throwing out.
04:31Now, did you say that someone had had a bad experience with a Burford Brown, Nadia?
04:35We waste over four million potatoes every single day in the UK.
04:40We don't.
04:40Oh, no, we do not, no.
04:42Speak for yourself there, hen.
04:44No, that's a crime. I would never waste a potato.
04:46I'd never have that ever, literally.
04:48We've got mashed potato, and we're going to fill that with baked beans,
04:52cheese, bit of chilli. You guys are going to love this.
04:55I like it already.
04:56Unreal.
04:58Bit of cheese, bit of chilli, baked beans.
05:01She's talking dirty to me there.
05:05My deliciously crisp potato cakes, packed with oozy melted cheese.
05:11Oh, no more talking.
05:14Spin everyday ingredients into a heroic meal that leaves nothing wasted.
05:19Beanie potato cakes.
05:21Big fan of that. I'd do an absolute job on them.
05:24She's spoiled that, though. Look, she's put salad on the side.
05:28If it starts with potato, you know it's going to be good.
05:31Yeah.
05:31Oh, yeah, I love carbs.
05:33Now for the deliciously easy filling.
05:36I love baked beans.
05:37I love baked beans too, Mary. I wish you liked them.
05:40I tell you why I think I don't like them.
05:42Because when I was growing up in Northern Ireland,
05:45there was often vomit on the streets with baked beans in it.
05:49Oh, Mary, that's put me off baked beans.
05:53But to avoid soggy potato cakes...
05:55Is that a sieve?
05:56She's straining the beans. Bloody hell, Nadia.
05:59...separate that tasty sauce from the beans.
06:01Just leave the beans in the juice. Nobody wants a dry bean.
06:04Tomato sauce, I can't stand.
06:07What is that?
06:09I've never heard of it.
06:11Then finally, for a bit of oomph, a sprinkling of chilli flakes.
06:15Oh, I know you're talking.
06:18Go easy on the chilli flakes, Nadia.
06:21It can lead to sting ring.
06:23Don't talk crudely to me.
06:25To sting ring.
06:26Don't talk crudely to me or I'll ring your sister.
06:29OK.
06:32Flatten it out. Take some of that cheesy bean mixture.
06:35Oh, I'm falling.
06:38Just bring it all together. Seal it.
06:41Look at that.
06:42Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, Nadia.
06:44That looks delicious already and it's not cooked.
06:47How many of them would you eat, though? What's a portion?
06:50You can pop them in the freezer and then I don't have to cook twice
06:53because I've already done it.
06:55She ought to calm down a bit.
06:57Yeah.
06:57I think she's a bit overexcited.
06:59Overenthusiastic.
07:02Gently fry our fluffy morsels in melted butter.
07:06Melted butter.
07:07Oh, come on, Nadia.
07:09You couldn't do that, she'll...
07:10I don't like butter.
07:10Can't eat butter, can you? Don't eat butter.
07:13I mean, it's hardly healthy, is it?
07:16It is. It's homemade.
07:18It's homemade. It's healthy.
07:21While they sizzle away, we can get on with a deliciously versatile dip.
07:25Oh, she's got the catch-out putters.
07:27Do you know how much I love dips?
07:29I know you like your dips.
07:30I can't eat anything without a dip.
07:32I'm not even... I'm like the dip queen.
07:35Simply mix that scrummy bean sauce with ketchup,
07:38punchy chilli sauce and creamy mayonnaise.
07:42Is that the bean juice in there?
07:43Yes, babe.
07:44Oh, I'm glad she's reintroducing the bean juice now.
07:47Once the potato cakes are gorgeously golden and crisp,
07:50they're ready to serve.
07:52You can't say they don't look delicious.
07:54That'd be lovely with a nice fried egg on top of that, wouldn't it?
07:59Oh, yeah.
08:01Bit of that sauce.
08:05That's really, really good.
08:08Lovely.
08:09Or kiss a bit.
08:10Sex or a cheesy bean potato cake?
08:13A cheesy bean potato cake.
08:15Definitely.
08:16Definitely.
08:19In Leeds...
08:20You know how I love my outfits, love my clothes?
08:23Yeah, it's a big part of your life, part of your personality.
08:26Whatever pet I have has to have the same.
08:29..best friends Danielle and Daniela.
08:32Oh, my goodness!
08:34My bedroom, you know!
08:36Oh, my goodness, Raffy!
08:37My bedroom, that's my doggy, that!
08:39Oh, my goodness!
08:41My dog!
08:43Wow, look at you!
08:45What does it say?
08:46R&R, rest and relaxation?
08:49Rough and ready.
08:50Rough and ready, Raffy.
08:52Rough and ready!
08:54This week, we were gripped by more high heels and high drama
08:58from the propertacina valet on Netflix.
09:01I just love how glamorous Selling Sunset is.
09:03I know.
09:04Like, it makes me want to glow up watching Selling Sunset.
09:07Does, mate.
09:08I'd love a Selling Sunset glow-up.
09:10I'd love a Selling Sunset glow-up,
09:11but I think there's some actual graft involved in it.
09:14Yeah, there is.
09:15There would be serious graft and surgery for me.
09:17It's too much to maintain, the Selling Sunset glow-up.
09:20This is how the other half lives, isn't it?
09:22Right.
09:27So, this is a bit, I guess, like,
09:29So, this is about a real estate agency.
09:32Mm-hmm.
09:32Run by two tiny, bald brothers.
09:35Grant and Phil?
09:37The American equivalent to Grant and Phil.
09:39To be fair, you don't see them selling much houses
09:41because they're always bitching about each other.
09:43Are they?
09:43Yeah.
09:47I don't want to live there, I'm happy in Leeds.
09:49Oh, God, yeah.
09:50I couldn't stand it.
09:51It'd be too hot for me.
09:52Yeah.
09:56Look at them.
09:57Look at them.
09:59That's how they go to work.
10:01She's wearing a bright green slinky dress,
10:03she can't have gone to work like that.
10:05Hi, guys.
10:07Bald brother number one.
10:08There he is.
10:09Is that Jason or Rhett?
10:10I can never tell.
10:11How are you?
10:11I like that pop of pink.
10:13Nicole, she's a dick.
10:14I like those glasses, Chelsea.
10:16Thank you, darling.
10:16I think if I had that type of money,
10:18I would probably dress like that.
10:19I would.
10:20No, you wouldn't.
10:21You'd just buy more cardigans.
10:23I love a cardigan.
10:24Hey, Brett.
10:27Brett's fuming, isn't he?
10:28Yeah, he doesn't look in the mood.
10:29It looks like he's going to cry.
10:30Why do you look so mad?
10:32I'm not.
10:33Oh, he looks stressed as Brett.
10:34Well, the reason that Jason and Mary aren't here
10:37is because Nico was diagnosed with terminal issues.
10:42Oh, that's the dog that they share together.
10:44Nico, Jason and Mary's dog.
10:47Yeah.
10:47From when they were together.
10:48Correct.
10:49And they co-parent the dog.
10:50Correct.
10:51But he just passed away.
10:53That's not really giving Selling Sunset any usual vibes.
10:56Oh, are you injured?
11:02Group hug.
11:03Make him feel better.
11:05It sent shockwaves through the Oppenheimer groove.
11:07It really has.
11:09Shockwave.
11:13Is he, like, really short, or are all those women really tall?
11:15Aw.
11:16Oh, look at them all crouching down to give him a hug now.
11:24It's not his dog, though, Ellie.
11:25It's his brother's dog.
11:26You'd be up to that upset if it were one of my dogs.
11:29Freaking hell, you cried when Jump Jump went.
11:31I didn't even like him.
11:32Exactly.
11:33I know.
11:40LA has responded in turn.
11:42Gee, that's not how you typically see LA, is it?
11:45That's what Nico's done.
11:47Hi, buggy.
11:48No.
11:49They're having a funeral for the dog.
11:51I'm all in for this.
11:54Oh, fuck.
11:57It's very LA, isn't it, to have a full funeral for a dog.
12:01It looks bougier than my actual funeral will probably be.
12:04Yeah, I agree with that.
12:08Oh, look, it's his mates.
12:10Oh, rub it in, why don't you, Nicole, with all your dogs?
12:15Oh, my God, they're all dressed in black Chanel.
12:17Yeah.
12:21Oh, my God.
12:22Oh, for fuck's sake.
12:24Now, she's giving main character.
12:26I love that.
12:27Love that.
12:28Let's sit down, guys.
12:30They got, like, a hymn sheet for all the songs for the dog funeral.
12:34Hound dog, how much is that doggy in the window?
12:37Who let the dogs out?
12:40Dog days are over.
12:42He definitely had a very loved life and knew how to get whatever he wanted from me.
12:48Heed, there's not a dry eye.
12:49Do you think people are actually crying or they're just dabbing their eyes
12:52I think people are dabbing their eyes for tissues for effects.
12:54We even gave him McDonald's because he wouldn't eat towards the end.
12:57I mean, I do like to buy my dog six chicken nuggets when I go to drive-through.
13:01That's probably what killed him, that.
13:03We have 30 hamburgers on their way so that we can all share.
13:07That was his last meal, basically.
13:07Nico's last meal.
13:08You're celebrating a hamburger.
13:09Oh, what a kind of funeral.
13:10I remember looking up at the sky and the sun was on my face and I felt him everywhere.
13:15Come on, Bryce, let's wrap you up, man.
13:19And we just want to tell you how much we love you, Bob.
13:22We love you very much.
13:28Oh, is that his ashes?
13:29Oh, God, is he scattering them in garden?
13:35I've seen it all now.
13:36Sorry.
13:37When my mum died and I scattered her ashes, I brought half of her back on my shoes.
13:42And I've got them in the cupboard.
13:44I ain't cleaned her or anything.
13:45I've just left her on me boots.
13:47She's on me boots.
13:47Oh, lovely.
13:48I've got her in my cupboard.
13:49I can't part with her.
13:52I can't part with her.
13:59In Hall.
13:59Jenny, I'm not being funny, but when we were stood outside.
14:02I know.
14:03This side of your face is, like, glistening.
14:05Like, I'm going to start calling you Nanny.
14:07Nanny goat.
14:07Yeah, I know.
14:09Best friends, Jenny and Lee.
14:11You've got two down there.
14:12It's like...
14:13Are they curling?
14:15Oh, bloody hell.
14:16I know, exactly.
14:17Oh, look at that, Lee.
14:18Oh, God.
14:20Oh, it's really...
14:21I love the dress.
14:23Oh, God.
14:24I know, it's massive.
14:26Oh, look at it.
14:26Hey, measure it.
14:28Look at that.
14:29Oh, and it's still going.
14:31Oh, oh.
14:33On Monday night, strangers were getting hitched again on E4.
14:37You could not ask for more than to sit on a cold night in September at 9pm
14:43and watch two strangers get married.
14:45I couldn't ask for more.
14:46Yep.
14:47This is my jam.
14:48You've been waiting for this, haven't you, Toyin?
14:50Listen, this is the only drama that I accept in my life.
14:58What would you do if I went on Muffs and you was watching me on it?
15:02That would be hilarious.
15:03I don't know if I can take it seriously.
15:05Why? Why not?
15:06Is my love life a joke?
15:08Yeah.
15:10My dress sense is outgoing, bright and fun.
15:14Just having a good time in that bedroom and everyone is in chief.
15:17Just like me, what you see is what you get.
15:21We've got a live wire on our hands here.
15:23She's bubbly, isn't she? She's full of life.
15:25I am a qualified level two animal reiki practitioner.
15:29How many levels are there to animal reiki practitioning?
15:32What college is that from?
15:33It's Tranquil, it's Calm, it's Peace.
15:36Everything I'm not.
15:41Oh, she seems like really good fun.
15:43Yeah, she seems like a nice girl.
15:46Yeah, I'd like to be her friend.
15:48I like a guy who is adventurous.
15:52Oh, here he is.
15:53So that's her match.
15:54While he's out in the sticks.
15:56Fun.
15:57Everything that I am.
15:59Oh.
16:00Loves animals.
16:01Okay, this guy might be the perfect match.
16:03What, just because he's stroking a chicken?
16:06Yeah.
16:08I absolutely love music, I've got a piano.
16:10And he plays the piano, amazing.
16:12Kira's got a bit of fizz about him, isn't he?
16:14Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:15Yeah, I think this could be fun.
16:16I hope there's a female version of me out there.
16:19Under five foot six.
16:20Good things come in small packages.
16:27Oh, shit, wedding day.
16:28Let's go.
16:29See, even the names go together.
16:31Christina and Kieran, don't they?
16:32Yeah.
16:33I'm well invested in these two.
16:36So, I just want your advice on something.
16:38Go on.
16:39Because if I do this thing at the wedding,
16:41it's either going to go really well,
16:42or I'm going to be divorced straight away.
16:44Oh, God.
16:45Don't do it.
16:46Immediately, just don't bother.
16:48If it could go either way, don't do it.
16:50Because at the end of the day,
16:51you don't know who's producing.
16:52Yeah, exactly.
16:53And it's your wedding.
16:54Yeah.
17:01Oh, no.
17:03Oh, no way.
17:05No.
17:06Comedy tea.
17:10Oh, yeah, man.
17:11Oh, man.
17:13Oh, yeah, actually.
17:14My eye.
17:15I love them, mate.
17:18Oh, I love them.
17:20No, not at your wedding, mate.
17:21Not at your wedding.
17:23Not at your wedding.
17:25I think it'll be absolutely hilarious.
17:27And I'll be able to know if he's got a good sense of humor or not.
17:30You know.
17:31I hope this blows up in his face.
17:33Oh, I can't wait to see your reaction.
17:35I bet he does it.
17:36He's full of it.
17:37Oh, he's not gone for it.
17:38He's just gone for the turkeys.
17:46Yeah.
17:48Do it.
17:49Good lad.
17:49He's going for it.
17:51Unreal.
17:56Kieran, take him out.
17:57Please take him out.
17:58Leave him in.
17:59Shh.
18:00Leave him in.
18:08Take him out.
18:10Oh, honest to God.
18:11Take him out.
18:21He sat there like a guinea pig.
18:27Oh, my God.
18:28Oh, my God.
18:29Oh.
18:34You all right?
18:35You OK?
18:37Oh, look.
18:39She's like, wow.
18:40Look at that.
18:41Oh.
18:43Watching him.
18:46Oh, she can't even speak.
18:47She can't even speak.
18:49Oh, my.
18:49She doesn't know what to do.
18:50She doesn't know what to do.
18:53Oh, you look petrified.
18:59Do you know, I love that.
19:00Right, take the second set of jokies out.
19:04Fucking hell, they're worse than the first set.
19:06Put them back in.
19:08You look so lost.
19:10I'm so sorry.
19:11Look, she liked it.
19:13She liked it.
19:14And it's broken the ice.
19:15Oh, it worked.
19:16It did work.
19:17The gum bit paid off, man.
19:18That was risky that way.
19:19Yeah, that was, yeah.
19:20You're invested.
19:22I'm invested now.
19:23If this goes to shit, I'm going to be fuming.
19:25I know.
19:25Kieran and Christina, it's got to last.
19:30In Glasgow.
19:31We've spoken about this before,
19:32but you need to stop shouting
19:34when you're playing the Xbox.
19:36Why?
19:36Because people are starting to give me weird looks
19:38when I come out the house.
19:39Roisin and her boyfriend, Joe.
19:41What's that got to do with me?
19:43Joe, do you know what you were shouting yesterday?
19:45With the windows fully open in the afternoon,
19:47you were shouting,
19:48take it, take it, take it,
19:50which you followed up with,
19:51the hog is getting obliterated.
19:56The hog was getting obliterated?
19:58Yeah, but people are going to put two and two together
20:00and get five and think I'm the hog.
20:02On Wednesday night, a flurry of famous faces
20:05were racing to the finish line on BBC One.
20:08There's been so many ups and downs, Daniela.
20:10Like, you're losing,
20:12and then you're creeping up to the beginning,
20:13you're making up your time, you've got your budget.
20:15I'll get your kicker right in the kisser.
20:17And this is where we find out who kicks it in the kisser.
20:21I like watching it,
20:23but I don't think I'd like to be on it.
20:24Oh, Christ, no.
20:26Lying in the foothills of the Andes,
20:29the Argentinians are on their way
20:31to the Argentinian town of Tilcara.
20:33Right, this is where we left off.
20:35We're in Tilcara.
20:36There's now just 39 minutes separating all four teams.
20:40Oh, he's neck and neck and neck and neck.
20:42It really is anybody's race.
20:44You know, that's basically a missed box, isn't it, really?
20:47Who's going to win?
20:52Oh, they're all pointing to it.
20:53But they all want to win, don't they?
20:55Yeah, but I'd be like this, me.
20:562,750 kilometres south from Tilcara, the finish line.
21:03Right, we're off to Frutella.
21:04Frutella? I love Frutellas.
21:07Frutijar.
21:09Frutijar!
21:10We were definitely saying it wrong.
21:11Yeah, it's not Frutella.
21:12Bloody hell, that's miles away.
21:14It's not even in the same country.
21:16They could cross early and enter Chile
21:18by taking the northern border through the Atacama Desert.
21:21The desert?
21:22Nope.
21:23THEY LAUGH
21:25Or head to the hub city of Mendoza.
21:28I got some choices.
21:29Oh, what would you do?
21:31The city route, I think it'll be safer.
21:33Or you could hire an electric scooter.
21:35So do we just go straight to Chile?
21:37We have no signs at all of how expensive Chile is.
21:41Right.
21:41Ah, they're adding up the finances here.
21:44Cos they've got less money.
21:46Right, heads, Argentina.
21:48Tails, Chile.
21:49They're flipping a coin!
21:50Oh, you can't leave this to chance.
21:52We should do that for tea tonight, kebab or Chinese.
21:55Let the coin decide.
21:56Heads.
21:57Argentina.
21:58Argentina.
21:59Let's go.
22:00Good.
22:00Oh, they didn't even doubt it.
22:02Don't cry for me, Argentina.
22:05Mary.
22:05You shouldn't have wasted my time by saying that.
22:07Is that relevant?
22:08Not at all.
22:09Oh.
22:10After a couple of days on the road,
22:12it was Kola and Mary and Scott and Sam
22:15who had taken the lead in Frutijar.
22:17Oh, there we go.
22:20Oh, message.
22:21The next move.
22:22What's the next move?
22:22What's the next move?
22:23By boat or any vehicle,
22:25head approximately 25 miles,
22:27that's miles,
22:29to Ensenada.
22:30They've got to get across the lake.
22:31I don't know.
22:32They're not making it easy for them, are they?
22:33Oh, bloody hell.
22:35Find the beach at the back of the Bord Lago restaurant.
22:39That's a lot of instructions.
22:41Yeah, I'd get confused.
22:42I'd be like, let's break it down now.
22:44Yeah.
22:45OK, I see a boat off that pier.
22:48Oh, they're cutting my way.
22:50Oh, that's handy.
22:52Well, that boat was just in time, wasn't it?
22:54Sorry.
22:56There's a boat there.
22:58I'm going to go now.
22:58Oh, they're getting different boats, Scott and Sam.
23:00The cat in my lane goes faster, though, Ron.
23:03Do you stop at Ensenada?
23:07So you do a tour?
23:10Yeah, wrong boat.
23:11They don't want to tour.
23:12They haven't got time to be toured around Frutila.
23:16Thank you so much.
23:19Oh, they've landed.
23:21Is this the beach in the restaurant?
23:22Yes.
23:23In front of you is the majestic Osorno volcano.
23:28What?
23:29Where's the volcano?
23:30Look for a big plate of mountain.
23:32By any means, head up to the base station and await your final instruction.
23:37Oh, my God.
23:38This is never ending.
23:39Osorno volcano.
23:41I think it's there.
23:44No.
23:45You can't even see the top of it for the clouds.
23:48The finish line of a volcano, that is an exciting destination.
23:53The Osorno volcano.
23:56See?
23:56How do you get a taxi up a volcano?
23:58I don't understand.
23:59Osorno volcano base station.
24:01Oh, what?
24:02Jeepers.
24:03It's tight, Simon, tight.
24:05Is it?
24:06There's Scott and Sam.
24:08Run!
24:08Final bit.
24:10There's a flag.
24:11There's a flag.
24:12Come on, who's going to get there?
24:16Who's in front of who?
24:17I don't know.
24:18Scott's here.
24:19No, I can see the back.
24:20They can see the boat.
24:21They're there.
24:22Who's the closest?
24:23Oh, my God.
24:24They're both close.
24:25Go!
24:30They've got there.
24:32They're fast.
24:32No, no, you don't.
24:34Other people's names could be on there.
24:40Oh, hang on.
24:41Hang on, hang on a minute.
24:42Oh, who is it?
24:43Who is leading here?
24:46Do we do it together?
24:47Come on.
24:48Open it, go on.
24:49Open the book, for fuck's sake.
24:53Congratulations, you have just reached the finish line.
24:55Congratulations.
24:56Yes, yes, yes.
24:56Next page.
24:57Please sign in overly to find out if you have won the race.
25:02It's legit.
25:04Who the hell's won?
25:05Who signed the book?
25:07Three, two, one.
25:09Here we go.
25:15Someone's got you.
25:16Oh, they've won.
25:18Get in.
25:19Oh, I'm so pleased for him.
25:23Speechless.
25:24When you open that book and there's no other names in it,
25:28there's no other feeling like it.
25:30To be fair, I'd be fuming after climbing that if I didn't win.
25:33Oh, mate, I'd lose my shit.
25:35I'd actually be so upset.
25:36You'd have to carry me back down.
25:38No joke, I ain't walking back down if I lost.
25:41I'd be so annoyed.
25:42They've had an absolute touch there, haven't they, really?
25:44Not only have they won, but they've got 24 quid left over,
25:47which in duty-free, they could probably get, like,
25:51a few pouches of Amberleaf and a family-sized Toblerone.
25:54Yeah, you know, for family.
25:57Or a sleeve of 200 cigs.
26:00That they could sell on for a profit.
26:02Scott Mills on Facebook.
26:04Just a sleeve of fags.
26:05Sleeve of fags, 75 quid.
26:09Not going to sell them as singles.
26:14In Wiltshire...
26:15I don't like this shirt, Mary.
26:17Well, I've got a confession to make.
26:19Why?
26:20There was a flood in the fridge the other day.
26:23Oh, and you used this?
26:24To mop it up.
26:25Oh, no wonder.
26:26...Giles and his wife, Mary.
26:29Rosie said, can I have some wine?
26:30And I said, no, I'm not opening a whole bottle for one glass,
26:33but I got a can of wine.
26:35So I gave her a can of wine, and she didn't like it,
26:38so I put it in the fridge, and then knocked on the door,
26:41and so it juiced on all through the shelves.
26:44Onto that recess.
26:45When I opened the fridge, and I realised it was really a health hazard,
26:49I thought, well, there's no cloth big enough to absorb all of this.
26:53So you used my shirt, and now, not surprisingly,
26:56I'm getting bad vibes off the shirt.
26:59On Saturday night, there were some ghostly goings-on with a medical twist.
27:04I don't like hospitals, it is.
27:05I don't need to go to the hospital.
27:07I don't need to go to the hospital.
27:08I don't like hospitals, it is.
27:10I don't need this haunted.
27:12That's all I need.
27:13When I had Bessie, and I were in labour,
27:17and I were doing laps of the hospital, all the old parts,
27:20it was so spooky.
27:26I always wanted to be one of the actors in these things.
27:29Oh, my God, it'd be so dramatic.
27:31Yeah.
27:32I'm coming for you.
27:34My mother knew a nurse, who was my aunt,
27:38and she said she was carrying an amputated leg along.
27:43I don't know where she was taking it to in Dublin,
27:46and the leg kicked her.
27:49That is an astonishing story.
27:51Now, you must get in touch with the makers of this programme.
27:55Of all the different types of hauntings,
27:58perhaps none tug at our emotions,
28:01perhaps none tug at our emotions,
28:03or strike fear into our hearts,
28:05as much as a child ghost.
28:08I don't like child ghosts.
28:10It's just the creepiest of creeps.
28:13Now, I'm going to have to stay at someone's house tonight.
28:14Oh, that's... Well, you're not staying here,
28:16but I'm not staying here either.
28:16No, I'm going to stay there.
28:19The first time I went to this community,
28:21it was my first assignment ever being a travel nurse.
28:24Travel nurse, whatever that is.
28:26She's a travelling nurse.
28:27My patient had a birthday.
28:30Her family members had brought in a really amazing flower bouquet
28:33and birthday balloons.
28:35Oh, that's nice, isn't it?
28:37Well, you can't have flowers in our hospitals.
28:39They don't have them now, you're not allowed.
28:41You can't have grapes, you can't have knuckle.
28:43All you can have is a bottle of orange wash.
28:45I had set up my desk outside the room.
28:49Oh, the night shift.
28:50This is where it all kicks off, don't it, in the night,
28:53normally after 12.
28:57Oh, look!
28:58Shit.
28:58Oh, hello.
28:59What was that?
29:00Did you see something run past there?
29:07Oh, what's that in the background?
29:09What?
29:14Oh, now, that's fucking odd.
29:15No, don't tell me the balloon just appears in the hallway.
29:21Is it a haunted balloon?
29:24I put the balloon back in the room.
29:28Brave woman, because I ain't touching that for shit.
29:29I would not be touching that balloon.
29:31Did you shut the door?
29:32Maybe switch some lights on, that might help.
29:38Oh, it's coming out again.
29:45Daniela.
29:49Boom!
29:49Oh, well, then!
29:50You stupid sod!
29:52Now, by this time, they'd be gone.
29:56I put it back in the room.
29:59Now she shuts the door.
30:01Yeah.
30:01So you lock the woman in with the haunted balloon in the room,
30:04but as long as you're all right.
30:05Yeah.
30:12The door's opening, Dave.
30:13Always the creaky door, as well.
30:15It's never the one that's just been WD'd.
30:17Yeah.
30:18Not the balloon.
30:20Not the balloon.
30:22So the door's opened, all on its own,
30:24and the balloon is walking towards her.
30:28Oh.
30:30When balloons attack, how can it go like that?
30:34Well, obviously, there's got to be an entity pulling her along,
30:38which is probably a child that wants to play.
30:40We all gathered near the nurse's station.
30:44Ladies, you won't believe what I saw last night.
30:47Correct, we don't.
30:48I told the manager about my interaction with the balloon.
30:51We know what's happened here.
30:53She's nodded off.
30:54Yeah.
30:54The lazy cow.
30:55She's had to come up with a big excuse.
30:58To get her out of it.
31:02It's coming to the meeting.
31:04Get to where drafts can at, that fucker.
31:08I mean, she'd have looked like a right knob
31:10if the balloon didn't turn up, to be fair.
31:12It's actually done her a favor.
31:13I didn't see it after that, but a new travel nurse came in,
31:16and it was reported that she popped it and put it in the garbage.
31:19There you go, sorted.
31:20Which is what she should have done the first time it happened.
31:23Bet the balloon's feeling like, damn.
31:25Yeah, a bit deflated.
31:28In Solly Hall...
31:30You know, when Mum and Dad were here last week,
31:32and I did some of their washing.
31:33..Theresa and her wife, Anita.
31:36Well, I folded it up in my dad's undies,
31:39and then I folded what I thought were ours.
31:41Yeah.
31:42And then my mum came in and she goes,
31:43those are my pants, you know, like your blue spotty ones.
31:46Yes.
31:47I said, oh, I thought they were Theresa's.
31:48She goes, no, they're mine.
31:51So you've got the same knickers as me mother.
31:54Your mum's nearly 90, and we're wearing the same style of underwear.
31:58Either she is ultra-modern, or I'm very old-fashioned.
32:03Don't answer that.
32:04OK.
32:05On Friday, it was unwanted visitors in Wales making the news on the BBC.
32:15Raffy, we're going to get some news now.
32:17Now, you may want to put your lunch just to one side for our next story.
32:21I've just had a biscuit.
32:23Don't tell me I'm going to be bringing it back up.
32:26Not in here, what you can get outside.
32:28Residents of a village in South Wales say they've been inundated
32:32by a mysterious swarm of flies.
32:34Flies?
32:36Oh, shit.
32:37I'm going to Wales this weekend.
32:39People living in Bettus near Bridgend.
32:41That's not far, is it?
32:43Say they can't open their windows or leave any food unattended
32:46because of the insects.
32:47My food is never unattended.
32:49It's always attended to.
32:52The common housefly.
32:53Oh, God.
32:54They're in the house.
32:56Oh, the old sticky strips.
32:57You remember them?
32:58Yeah.
32:59All too common, it seems, in the homes of Bettus, South Wales.
33:03Weren't they great?
33:04Bettus.
33:05Flies, got to put South Wales on the map.
33:07I know, weren't they?
33:08Residents say they've been inundated by thousands of the insects in recent weeks.
33:13Oh, I wonder why.
33:14That's awful.
33:15You've just got a string of death in your living room.
33:17That's biblical.
33:18What's going on?
33:20At the local pub, regulars come armed with swats and sprays.
33:24Do you even in the pub?
33:25Oh, God.
33:26I wouldn't have a pint there.
33:27You can have that.
33:28I know, haven't I?
33:28You can start swatting for me.
33:30What, are they just handing out swats to customers?
33:33Yeah, yeah.
33:34Cover that.
33:34Cover your beer.
33:35Yeah.
33:37Melanie's had to stop serving meals.
33:39They've had to stop serving meals.
33:41If I see a fly on a piece of food, that's it, it's done.
33:43It's gone.
33:44Well, you've got to say that because of food hygiene standards.
33:48Oh, yeah, nobody wants a fly in the hot pot.
33:50The door opens here and one pint will come in, the 20 flies will follow.
33:54Hopefully they're buying drinks, love.
33:57One family said they counted 205 flies in just 45 minutes.
34:03What?
34:04One, two, three, and I've seen them before, five, six.
34:08Environmental health officers have been investigating.
34:12So far, they've not determined the source of the swarm.
34:15So they don't know where it's coming from?
34:17Yeah.
34:18Something ain't right.
34:20Something is not right.
34:22Something big has died somewhere.
34:24But here, they can't wait for their village to become a no-fly zone.
34:29I hope they don't, like, fly over to the northeast.
34:33Where they can fly.
34:34Exactly.
34:35So what if we end up with this?
34:47In Derby...
34:48I try and get mum some flowers every once in a while.
34:52You do?
34:52Yeah.
34:56What?
34:57What do you mean?
34:58Well, brother's always bringing flowers and plants and...
35:01But have you ever heard the expression, I think he's trying too hard?
35:06Mum's mad with me anyway because I've not brought any Tupperware back as well.
35:09I've got like two lots of a Tupperware and she keeps reminding me and I keep forgetting.
35:13So this is just insult to injury, this is.
35:15Do you know what else I bought her today?
35:17Tupperware?
35:17Yeah.
35:19Oh, God.
35:20On Sunday, a brand new high-octane thriller set on a train departed on BBC One.
35:27I like even the name, Night Sleeper.
35:30I'm frightened already.
35:31I'm going to assume it's something to do with a night sleeper train.
35:34Yes, come on, sleeping on a train?
35:37Never done that, it's on the list.
35:42The biggest drama I have on a train is, you know that button to lock the toilet?
35:46It looks very similar to the open, so I get too scared.
35:50I can never get it right.
35:51Yeah.
35:55What was that?
35:57I don't know, it's just started.
36:02Oh, it's Glasgow.
36:04Oh, we've never been there, have we?
36:07316 minutes, what's that in hours and minutes?
36:10Divided by 60.
36:11Go on then.
36:13Five hours and 16 minutes.
36:16Oh, Peaky Blinders guy.
36:23He looks dodgy.
36:25I don't like this, it's shifty.
36:30Who's he after?
36:31I don't know, Simon.
36:33Oh, God.
36:36Backstretch.
36:37Oh, no, you horrible man.
36:42Get the bag, get the bag.
36:43Get the bag.
36:45Good man.
36:48Oh, he's off.
36:49Oh, my God.
36:53What the hell is going on?
36:55Do you know what I'd do if I saw that going on?
36:57I'd get on the train and pretend like I've seen nothing.
37:04Oh, he's got him, he's got his leg.
37:05He's got his ankle, they've got away.
37:09He's hiding now, he's ducked down.
37:11He's crafty, isn't he, is that mugger?
37:16What are you playing at, pal?
37:17All right, sunshine.
37:19Why do you just get up when Hercules is stood in front of you?
37:21Yeah.
37:24There we go.
37:25Now we got him.
37:26Oh, couldn't get any sleep with him,
37:27locking up and down the bloody alleyway.
37:29The train hasn't even set off yet.
37:30I'd be opening my door saying,
37:32will you shut up, making a bloody row?
37:34You need to move.
37:35That's right, I need to lie down.
37:37Don't mess with me.
37:40Or what?
37:41I'm sorry, mate.
37:42It's my job.
37:44Oh, he's a corporal.
37:45No wonder he was so eager to help.
37:48Oh, my God, that all makes sense now.
37:54Oh, no, they were in it together.
37:58He's got the bag, he's got the bag.
38:00What the hell is in this bag?
38:01When they realise all it's got is perfume and Tic Tacs,
38:03they're going to seem really silly.
38:09Oh, he looks snug.
38:11You were doing a lot of smug then.
38:15Oh, here we go.
38:16Here comes the rest of the crew.
38:18Please, come on.
38:24Oh, they've lost him.
38:25See it, say it, sorted.
38:29Are you travelling with us, madam?
38:30No.
38:31If she's not travelling, why is she on the platform?
38:34I'm going to need to get some details, if that's all right.
38:37Sure, you can do the feed first stuff.
38:39All right.
38:40Thanks.
38:41Right, something so dodgy.
38:47Oh, his truck's away, we're off.
38:49Oh, that cluffler, no-one's arrested and she's just walked off.
38:52And the train's still setting off.
38:54Well, what have they nicked then?
38:57They haven't put something on board the train, have they, or something?
39:05What's he found?
39:06What's down there?
39:07Is that a hole in the train floor, Simon?
39:11Is that a bomb, what is it?
39:19Oh, he's showing the police officer, no?
39:20Yeah.
39:21That guy's like, this is above my pay grade.
39:22Yeah.
39:27It's not a bomb.
39:28No.
39:29It's not.
39:29It's some sort of control.
39:31Yeah, and it looks like it's pulling data.
39:36Who's he calling?
39:37Oh, that's a bit of a mouthful, Abi.
39:43Oh, she's one of the top answers of the security centre.
39:46Oh, well, she'll know about it, won't she?
39:48I think we may have a problem.
39:49We've got a runaway train.
39:51Yeah.
39:51The line to the driver's down.
39:53And the emergency stop has failed.
39:55Oh, dear.
39:56That's pretty serious, isn't it?
39:57That is, yeah.
39:58Listen, there's somebody on your train who should not be approached.
40:04Who is it?
40:05Him!
40:05Yeah, my colleague's just sending through a description of them now.
40:08This is crazy.
40:09We don't know who it is.
40:10Oh, my days.
40:10I imagine it's the guy right in front of them.
40:14White male.
40:15White male.
40:16Around 35 years of age.
40:18Yes.
40:18Facial hair.
40:19Hello.
40:20It's like playing guess who.
40:21It's nothing to do with me.
40:25I promise.
40:26It's him!
40:27Oh!
40:29That's a giveaway if you say it's now to do with me.
40:31Wearing a red and black checked jacket.
40:36That's him!
40:37Red and black checked jacket.
40:38Red and black.
40:39Oh!
40:40What are the chances?
40:42Somebody clonking.
40:44It's ridiculous.
40:46Oh, no!
40:50It is him!
40:51So the international police are after him.
40:53Get back here!
40:56One of the craziest things.
40:58He actually used to be a D.I. in the man.
41:02Oh, he used to be a D.I.
41:04He's a doubler agent, Pedro.
41:06Now, that is what you call a drama.
41:08Who is controlling the train?
41:11God knows, but this ain't no good to watch on a Sunday night at nine o'clock.
41:15I won't sleep a wink tonight now I've seen that.
41:17My nerves are shot.
41:18Exactly.
41:19That's a catch-up job of that.
41:21That's an afternoon.
41:22I need a few hours to get over that.
41:23I need to watch, like, a chore or something light-hearted after.
41:30In Blackpool.
41:31Oh, I didn't tell you, did I?
41:32Jimmy brought home six cupcakes from nursery the other day.
41:35Pete and his little sister Sophie.
41:38Well, it was a bit apprehensive.
41:40Because you know that they all go to the toilet and don't wash their hands.
41:43Yeah.
41:44However, they were actually quite nice.
41:49Shit, you're brave.
41:51I mean, you literally won't eat from a takeaway unless it's got five stars,
41:56but you'll eat cupcakes that have been prepared in a nursery environment.
42:00Look, we've all got to take risks in life.
42:03I mean, your immune system must be elite.
42:07No, I was off work for three days.
42:10This week, it was all about a posh, famous, funny fella
42:13getting to grips with parenting on Netflix.
42:16I like him.
42:17I like doing it.
42:18And his father.
42:19His father's funny and all, mate.
42:20You've done all right fatherhood-wise, haven't you?
42:23Well, I don't know.
42:24I can't say that.
42:25You've got to say that.
42:26The sons are the result, aren't they?
42:27Yeah, check it out.
42:28Look at this.
42:29Could you have done better?
42:30I did try.
42:31The next step on my fatherhood journey
42:34is to find the answer to one of life's biggest questions.
42:37How long can I live for?
42:39Longevity, right?
42:40OK, so this is...
42:41He wants to be as fit as possible to be there for his baby.
42:45Why do they always want to know what's ahead of them?
42:49Do you know what I mean?
42:49You don't.
42:50I know what's ahead of me.
42:52Fitting cemetery.
42:54A Finnish university spent 20 years tracking over 2,000 sauna users.
42:58Sauna users?
43:00Hey, people rave about the sauna doing the hot on the cold therapy.
43:03There's a sauna at the gym I go to, but to be honest, I avoid it,
43:06because last time I went in, someone was eating a sausage roll in there.
43:09What?
43:10The results?
43:11A 24% decrease in your chance of death.
43:13Just by going in a sauna.
43:15That's good, isn't it?
43:16We left to get a sauna, Von.
43:18So I decided to try the mother of all saunas,
43:21a sweat lodge.
43:22A sweat lodge?
43:24I don't even know what a sweat lodge is, do I?
43:26I just guess you just go and sweat.
43:28I'd found a, and I cannot stress the inverted commas enough,
43:31doctor offering a non-traditional sweat lodge experience.
43:34A sweat doctor.
43:36Right.
43:36I'm taking Hilary along.
43:37Oh, it's his mum.
43:39He calls his mum Hilary, but like I call Mum Bin.
43:42Well, you call her Auntie Bin sometimes.
43:44Yeah, that's true.
43:45Hello, Hilary and Jack.
43:48Hi, Dr Patrick.
43:48Patrick.
43:49Does he know he's got beads around his neck?
43:51Of course, he has.
43:52I only trust what my GP says if he's got a bamboo necklace on.
44:00What is that?
44:01Is it a tin?
44:02Looks like it's made out of old bed sheets.
44:05It's nice that yurt, isn't it?
44:06Not really.
44:07With the ceremony's rocks superheated,
44:09it was time to enter the lodge.
44:11We'll be inside for the next four hours.
44:14Four hours?
44:15I'd be bored to death.
44:17Four hours?
44:18I'd be bored to death.
44:20I would.
44:25Oh, he looks like he's struggling already.
44:3015 minutes in, the heat's at maximum temperature.
44:33Yeah.
44:33And he's in that for four hours.
44:41Oh, my God.
44:42They're sweating buckets, aren't they?
44:44Jack looks as if he's about to pass out.
44:46So does his mother.
44:4740 minutes in, I was literally being cooked alive.
44:5040 minutes is brutal, man.
44:52I feel like this is something that you're supposed to work up to.
44:54I don't think for your first time you're, you know,
44:56raw-dogging it at 40 minutes.
44:58No, you're not, are you?
45:0060 minutes into the four-hour session,
45:02I finally realised, fuck it.
45:03He's tapping out.
45:04He's tapping out.
45:05For the love of Wanky Tanker, let me out of here.
45:07Jack's fighting for his life.
45:09The last 60 minutes are still, that's good boredom, man.
45:12Yes, it really is.
45:12That is honestly one of the most terrific experiences
45:15that I've ever had.
45:15Look at the state of that.
45:17It looks knackered.
45:20Honestly, I've never sweated that much in my life.
45:23And you just keep sweating.
45:25Oh!
45:25When you think that there's nothing else left.
45:27Oh, God, what the hell is that?
45:30Who's coming out there with nothing on?
45:31And then, fucking hell, what?
45:33Hilary?
45:35That's his mum.
45:37His mum just stripped down naked.
45:40Please, can you cover yourself up?
45:42It's what? It's all in there.
45:43Get a towel!
45:46Oh, no!
45:47Jack, you can never unsee that now.
45:51I literally, this is not an exaggeration,
45:54but I felt the whole spirit just literally.
45:56Can you please, Hilary?
45:59I just want the reverse of longevity in that situation.
46:03Short-gevity, please.
46:04Yeah, take me now.
46:06I've seen enough.
46:08I don't remember the last time I was naked with mum.
46:14God.
46:16That sounded really weird, Simon.
46:19All right, I don't remember the last time I was naked
46:20with mum in the same room.
46:22OK, it's not getting any better, is it?
46:29And you can see the episode of Married at First Sight UK,
46:32the Goggleboxes we're watching, and the series so far.
46:35Stream it with Channel 4.
46:36The sponge, the texture, and the flavour.
46:39Paul wants the bacon, holy trinity.
46:41The Great British Bake Off is back, starting on Tuesday at 8.
46:45Up next, new first dates, and one of them is already in love.