Dawson's Creek Season 6 Episode 19 Lovelines (Aka The Eddie
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00:00It's going to be a very interesting day!
00:06God, you love to walk the streets.
00:08I'm so used to people like me.
00:10It's always like this.
00:12It's so sudden.
00:14How come you don't want to be out here?
00:16What are you going on about?
00:19Since I've been back, nothing, nada.
00:21A drought of epic proportions.
00:24Is there a hygiene issue I'm not aware of?
00:27Audrey?
00:29Hi, buddy!
00:31What's up?
00:35Aw, you're finally out of school.
00:37How sad.
00:39So, guess who's on my flight?
00:41Audrey, you're back, a day early.
00:43Yeah, I got early parole for a new behavior.
00:45Well, actually, the rumor has it that Courtney and Ralph
00:47were checking in and they needed the extra room.
00:49So, guess who's on my flight?
00:51Pilot stewardesses and assorted passengers.
00:53That's funny, but no.
00:55We're only talking about the sexiest man
00:57in all of America.
00:59Audrey, don't you want to maybe relax, get settled?
01:01Come on, no one's ever too busy for a quick
01:03game of guess who's on my plane.
01:05Trust me, this one's really good.
01:07Okay, fine.
01:09Brad Pitt.
01:11Will you work with me, Potter?
01:13That is so obvious.
01:15No, this guy is way hotter.
01:17I'm talking like the thinking girl stream.
01:19Oh, I'm zeroing.
01:22Duh.
01:24Dr. Drew.
01:26Impressive.
01:28I would have thought he was a little too, uh,
01:30clinical for your taste.
01:32Well, it's kind of a rehab thing.
01:34You start to crave men based on who'd look cutest
01:36in a white lab coat.
01:38Who's Dr. Drew?
01:40Are you serious?
01:42No, Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla.
01:44A love line thing?
01:46Popular radio call-in show where they espouse
01:48advice to pathetic losers with massive sexual hang-ups.
01:50What's MTV on MTV?
01:52Ugh, geez louise.
01:54Looks like Mr. Goodrunch has been too busy
01:56throwing his back into his living to soak up
01:58a little pop culture.
02:00What's MTV?
02:04Kidding.
02:06So anyway, what are the odds?
02:08Well, pretty good considering
02:10they're gonna be at Boston Bay tomorrow.
02:12Wha-wha-what?
02:14Where the hell have I been?
02:16Oh right, I've been to rehab.
02:19Yeah, they're putting on some fundraiser
02:21for the counseling center and Jen gets to play host.
02:23Oh my god, this is perfect.
02:25She can totally intro me to the doc.
02:27I knew it was dusting.
02:29I gotta pee.
02:41She's back.
02:43She's back.
03:13She's back.
03:15She's back.
03:17She's back.
03:19She's back.
03:21She's back.
03:23She's back.
03:25She's back.
03:27She's back.
03:29She's back.
03:31She's back.
03:33She's back.
03:35She's back.
03:37She's back.
03:39She's back.
03:41She's back.
03:43She's back.
03:45She's back.
03:47She's back.
03:49She's back.
03:51She's back.
03:55Is it too much to ask
03:56that we invest in some cordless phones
03:57around here?
04:01Excited about the hosting gig tonight?
04:05Yeah?
04:07Who knows, you could become the next Ryan Seacrest
04:09So you can borrow one of his man blouses.
04:16Something wrong? You seem a little tense.
04:21No, I'm really not. I'm fine.
04:25Come here. Sit down.
04:27No, that's okay.
04:28Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
04:33Ah, doesn't that feel better?
04:36So I was thinking, after tonight's soiree,
04:40you and I could slip back to my place for a little nightcap.
04:43You, me, some cheap champagne, a little Fleetwood Mac.
04:47I can't.
04:49Okay, no Fleetwood Mac.
04:50No, um...
04:54No, it's not like that. I mean, I really just, I can't. I can't.
04:58Why not?
05:01I have to help Grams.
05:03I can help Grams. Let me come.
05:07I don't think that's a very good idea.
05:10Why not?
05:13Because, CJ, I'm breaking up with you. I'll see you tonight.
05:22Joey?
05:25Yes, Siddy?
05:27Um, we never got a chance to finish our conversation.
05:31What conversation was that?
05:32What about how you're repulsed by me?
05:34I'm not repulsed by you.
05:36Well, then why won't you get with me?
05:38Would you stop saying, get with me? It's creeping me out.
05:42Sorry.
05:43Can I...
05:45I want to talk about that.
05:48What?
05:50You know...
05:52What, sex? You don't want to talk about sex?
05:54No!
05:55Why?
05:59I don't know. I just...
06:02I don't.
06:04Well, I get it. I understand.
06:06I repulse you.
06:13You don't repulse me.
06:16It's okay.
06:17It's happened to me before.
06:20It has?
06:21No!
06:23Eddie, you know what?
06:25I don't get anywhere talking about sex.
06:28You just make me uncomfortable.
06:30Clearly.
06:33Sweet lord! Will the two of you just do it already and be quiet?
06:38I have to go. I have a quiz.
06:40Well, fine. Maybe we can not talk about this later.
06:43Gladly.
06:54Do you want to make out?
06:58No.
07:03Good.
07:04That was your test, buddy.
07:06You break her heart again, and I'm going to kill you.
07:08You got it?
07:10Yeah.
07:27So, is there like a science sequence, or how does this work?
07:30No, it's general admission. First come, first served.
07:33Great. So, if I wanted to sit by someone specific, the best way would just be to ask them?
07:39Uh, yeah.
07:42So, you going with anybody?
07:45Yeah.
07:47Me?
07:48Yeah. Is that a problem?
07:51Well, no. Normally I wouldn't mind, but you'd have to ask my boyfriend, Jack.
08:01You rat?
08:02Yeah. I thought I'd introduce you to this guy who just had the good taste to hit on me.
08:07Jack, this is Fred.
08:09Fred.
08:10Hi.
08:11Sorry about that.
08:13No problem. It's cool.
08:15I mean, it's not cool, of course.
08:18I do like to pimp him out from time to time.
08:21Gotcha.
08:26It was nice meeting you.
08:28You too.
08:34Hi.
08:37You seem nice.
08:38Yeah.
08:44Why am I doing this?
08:46Eating cheese?
08:47No, no, this, I'm not cut out for this.
08:50What if nobody talks?
08:52I mean, at least at the helpline I can hang up on them, but what if nobody asks any questions?
08:57What am I going to do?
08:58Run and hide and curl up in a fetal position hoping nobody finds you?
09:03I need a ringer.
09:05A what?
09:06A ringer. Somebody to ask pre-planned questions during uncomfortable moments of silence.
09:11Well, don't look at me.
09:13I suffer from glossophobia.
09:17It's a fear of public speaking.
09:19So, my duties tonight will be strictly limited to ticket-taking, which I will now go to.
09:25Good luck.
09:26Thanks.
09:32Hi.
09:33Hi.
09:35So...
09:37So...
09:43What are you doing here?
09:46I'm helping you host the event, remember?
09:50Yeah.
09:51Right.
09:54Um...
09:55About what happened earlier...
09:56You know what, I can't really talk about that right now.
09:59I'm sorry. I...
10:02I've got so many notes to go over and cold cuts.
10:05I have these really wonderful cold cuts that I don't want to go to waste.
10:12Okay, fair enough. Yeah, I'll just go get ready.
10:16Oh! Oh my god!
10:18Where is he?
10:19Who?
10:20Who?
10:21Who? Oh, Jen. Jen. Sweet. Sweet Jen.
10:24Such an amusing facade, but it's of no use. You can't keep us apart. It's destiny.
10:27I tell you, destiny.
10:29Jen, he was on my plane.
10:32Ladies, let's put the claws back. No need to fight.
10:35Money room on the Corolla Coaster for everyone.
10:40I'm afraid I won't meet the minimum height requirement. It's nice to meet you. I gotta go.
10:47Well, what about you? You want to hop on board?
10:51I wasn't talking about you, Doofus. I'm kind of looking for Dr. Drew.
10:55Pinsky?
10:56Yes! Yes! Do you know where he is?
10:58Geezer's probably out casket shopping. He's old. He's an old man.
11:02He's old enough to be your grandfather.
11:05Where's I? I'm just old enough to be your daddy.
11:09And plus, the guy's a bore. He's an amazing bore.
11:12He never stops talking about gonorrhea and hepatitis G.
11:16Believe me, I know. I have to share a hotel room with the guy.
11:20Cheap bastards.
11:22Oh my God.
11:25You've shared a room with him?
11:27Tell me something.
11:31Have you seen him naked?
11:34Yes. Yes, I have.
11:42I hate to tell you this, but in about two minutes, there's going to be a riot for that seat.
11:46I don't know what's going to happen.
11:48I don't know what's going to happen.
11:50I don't know what's going to happen.
11:52I don't know what's going to happen.
11:54I don't know what's going to happen.
11:56I don't know what's going to happen.
11:58I don't know what's going to happen.
12:00I don't know what's going to happen.
12:02I don't know what's going to happen.
12:04I don't know what's going to happen.
12:06I don't know what's going to happen.
12:09I hate to tell you this, but in about two minutes, there's going to be a riot for that seat.
12:13Hey, Jack, right?
12:15Yeah.
12:17Fred, so where's the boyfriend?
12:21That would be the question of the hour.
12:23Clearly not where he's supposed to be.
12:26But it is taken, right?
12:30See?
12:33Uh, yeah, you know, I was, um...
12:38Bill?
12:40It's all yours.
13:02I'm just saying, it's over.
13:04What is?
13:05The trust.
13:07You're still talking about this?
13:08I'm done. Gone. Finito. Dead at the disco.
13:11You allowed me to think that I was good at it.
13:14Good at what?
13:15What sweet, tender, love-making couples tend to engage in a lot these days.
13:19Bill, you are a good at it, okay?
13:21Now, can you please stop talking about this?
13:23No!
13:24No, you can't deny that.
13:26The point of this evening is for people to get together and talk about their problems.
13:30We're freaks, but we're not those kinds of freaks.
13:32Bruce is lying on the ground. His tongue is just hanging out of his mouth.
13:35Vulture's flying over his head. He goes to the foreman. He goes,
13:37Shh! Just about to land.
13:39Oh, man, you're definitely gonna get punched for that.
13:42I can think of worse things.
13:44It's like not saving your boyfriend a seat.
13:48David, hey.
13:49Uh, you remember, um...
13:51Hey, remember. It's nice to see you again.
13:53I thought we said the right side of the stage.
13:56We did.
13:58We, uh...
14:00See, I meant from the front.
14:02If you look at it from the front, it's not...
14:05From the back, you see...
14:15You know, I'm sorry. It's my fault. I'll move.
14:18Good idea.
14:22They are both the hosts of the wildly popular radio show, Love Line.
14:27I'd like to go ahead and take this time to introduce our esteemed guests,
14:31Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla.
14:41Okay, well, since our time here is limited,
14:44I'm pretty sure that everybody knows how this works.
14:47With no further ado,
14:50who has the first question?
14:56Okay, not everyone at once.
15:26Oh!
15:32Oh!
15:36Oh!
15:40Uh, anybody?
15:42Anybody?
15:47Bueller?
15:49Bueller?
15:53Come on, you people are in college.
15:55Gramps have gonorrhea.
15:57Where's the question?
15:59I'd actually like to pose a question, if I may.
16:04Actually, CJ,
16:06I think it's your job to field the questions, not ask them.
16:09You field, they ask. Field, ask, field, ask.
16:11You see how it works?
16:13It's okay, Jennifer. We're not exactly worried about form here.
16:15So go ahead, CJ. Ask your question.
16:18Okay, well, there's this, uh...
16:21girl that I have, or...
16:23had a relationship with.
16:25She was, uh, sex buddy?
16:27No, she, uh...
16:29She was a girlfriend, actually.
16:31We were together for several months, up until this morning,
16:33when she dumped me like a sack of rotten trash.
16:36No explanation, no warning, no nothing.
16:38Were there any warning signs?
16:40Any problems in the relationship?
16:43No, none.
16:45Well,
16:47I did sleep with one of her friends.
16:49But just one, right?
16:51Women don't do that.
16:53They don't mind that kind of stuff.
16:55Can't be that.
16:57But she knew about it, and it was before we got together,
16:59so that doesn't really count, right?
17:01Have you simply tried asking for an explanation?
17:04Oh, that's the thing.
17:06Every time I try to talk to her,
17:08she treats me like I'm Father Damien.
17:13Who's the leper?
17:15Oh, sure. The famous leper.
17:17Father Damien.
17:19You wrote your thesis on Father Damien, did you not?
17:22All right, uh, listen.
17:24I say, run.
17:26I mean, this chick's a head case.
17:28She's gonna take you down, I promise you.
17:30Thank you, Adam, for that astute insight,
17:32but if you don't mind me saying so,
17:34I think that CJ's problems here are really subordinate
17:37to those of the many members of this audience
17:39who have actually paid good money
17:41to listen to your vastly underqualified advice.
17:44You're so lucky I don't know what subordinate means, honey.
17:50So I guess we should probably just break up then, huh?
17:55Well, I need to know what's going on here.
17:57Shut up.
18:00Don't tell me to shut up in front of all these people.
18:05I don't understand, Jules.
18:07Why is it so hard for you to talk about sex?
18:09Well, what have we here?
18:12We've got to hear more about this.
18:15We've got a wiener in the crowd here, Jules.
18:17Let's get on my cover, these guys.
18:19It's been a good question.
18:21Oh, no, that's okay. There's no problem.
18:23Nope, nope, no problem at all.
18:25Oh, oh, yeah. Yeah, there's a problem.
18:28Or you wouldn't have been screaming like a girl ten seconds ago.
18:31We need to hear this problem. What is it?
18:34No, it's really, it's okay. It's not that bad, actually.
18:38Yeah, he likes it that way. He prefers it, actually.
18:41I'm sorry, I think I missed something.
18:43What's your name?
18:46Joey, but like I said, we have no problem.
18:51Oh, if you say so, but I just can't help but wonder, Adam,
18:54should a couple that's not even mature enough to talk about sex be having sex?
18:59Yeah, give me this. That's what I'm saying, Dr. Dre.
19:01It's exactly what I'm saying.
19:03Well, not exactly what I'm saying.
19:05I mean, she's a little, like, uptight about the whole thing.
19:07I am not uptight.
19:09Listen, listen.
19:11This long-distance relationship's breaking my heart.
19:14Let's get you two up on stage where we can thump ya like mellow.
19:18What do you guys say?
19:44🎵 Dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun-dun 🎵
19:48🎵 Dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun 🎵
19:58🎵 You'll find just like the lads inside the girls 🎵
20:02🎵 Combin囉
20:12Just you know, I'm going to kill you afterwards.
20:29Okay.
20:30Now, why don't you two start by telling us about this relationship?
20:36Well, I'll start.
20:39Well, it's all very simple, actually.
20:41Today I realized that the girl that I have been opening my life and baring my naked soul
20:48to for the past six months is a phony.
20:50Six months.
20:51Is that how long this thing's been going on?
20:54Well, it's hard to tell exactly.
20:57I mean, we met in the fall, but we really didn't like each other at first.
21:01Oh, hey.
21:02Stop.
21:03Okay, look, I had no beef with her, but she, I mean, she obviously, you know, was in love
21:08with me.
21:09In her own emotionally unstable way.
21:12Emotionally unstable?
21:14I'm emotionally unstable?
21:15Yes, look in the mirror, Joey.
21:17Who packed up and left with no forwarding address at the first sign that this thing was getting serious?
21:21Oh, I came back, didn't I?
21:23No.
21:24Not willingly.
21:25I'm sitting here.
21:26I've come looking for you, didn't I?
21:28At a significant loss to my personal dignity, thank you very much.
21:32And then, to celebrate, he left again.
21:35And throughout all this, he kept having sex.
21:38Oh, yeah.
21:39No wonder she screwed up.
21:43Wait a second.
21:44Listen, I don't like the cut of your jib, son.
21:47I mean, you have sex with her, then you dump her, then you try to get her trust back, except
21:55for you abandon her again, so you've abandoned her twice, and now you're perplexed as to
22:02why she won't trust you when you've dumped her two times?
22:08Are you high, son?
22:10I mean, no wonder she's cut you off.
22:12If you treat her in this way, I'd cut you off.
22:15In a heartbeat.
22:16That's why I treat you the right way.
22:17That's right.
22:18Joey, is abandonment a big issue for you?
22:26No.
22:27Are you on any medication?
22:28No.
22:29Is your dad around?
22:31Is he a big figure in your life?
22:32Is anything going on with him?
22:37You know what?
22:38Dr. Drew, I thank you for everything, but I think I've had enough, and I'm going to
22:44head back to my seat now.
22:45Not so fast.
22:46Listen, Joey, nothing to be ashamed of.
22:48Common problems, all right?
22:50Tough to talk about.
22:52Jennifer, I'm sure people call the helpline all the time with things like this.
22:56Oh, yeah.
22:57Constantly.
22:59There's really nothing to be embarrassed about.
23:02You're very normal in your abnormality.
23:08Jen, perhaps there's someone else in the audience that would like to ask a question.
23:16Oh, yes, yes, with the raised hand.
23:18Who is that?
23:21My name's David, and I need to know what the proper response might be when you find your
23:25boyfriend openly flirting with some other guy right in front of you.
23:28I wasn't flirting.
23:30Since when is having an idle chat considered flirting, my friend?
23:35We have a couple of dates he thinks he owns me, Drew.
23:38Adam wants to be your boyfriend.
23:40He longs to be gay.
23:42David, is this a monogamous relationship?
23:46Yeah, I thought it was.
23:47I see.
23:48So you're kind of wondering whether it actually is monogamous.
23:51Well, obviously you guys need to talk about this.
23:54You know, one possibility is that he's acting out right in front of you because he's trying
23:59to give you a message.
24:00He just doesn't have any other way to tell you.
24:05Or maybe he's just one of those people who's really super nice to everybody, so it seems
24:10like he's flirting, but actually he's not, because nobody's that stupid.
24:15So my advice on this one would just be forgive and forget.
24:19Are you high, missy?
24:20You've got to dump this guy.
24:22I'm not saying that because he's a gay.
24:26Okay, why don't we go to Mandy behind the screen?
24:29Mandy, what's your question?
24:31Mandy?
24:34Hi, sorry.
24:35No, actually, my name is Audrey, and my question is specifically for Dr. Drew.
24:43I'm about 5'7".
24:45I've got blonde hair, blue eyes.
24:48Great rack.
24:50Audrey, question.
24:51Find it.
24:52Oh, great.
24:53Okay, well, several months ago, I realized that I had a serious problem with alcohol.
25:01I had all these negative feelings about my life, and I was using alcohol as my escape.
25:08And in the process, I hurt a lot of people that were very close to me.
25:14And if it hadn't been for those very same people, I probably would not have gotten the
25:19professional help that I needed.
25:22So after spending several weeks in a rehab facility in Southern California,
25:30I guess my question to you is this, Dr. Drew.
25:35How would you like to go back to my dorm room and play a little game I like to call
25:39Dirty Doctor and Naughty Nurse?
25:45Okay, Audrey, that was touching.
25:52Let's move on, shall we, to...
25:54You know, we really haven't had a chance to get a woman's perspective on some of these matters.
25:58Tell me, Jennifer, getting back to my problem, why do you think this girl decided to rip my
26:05heart out without any explanation?
26:08Well, if you ask me, CJ, I think the time for your problem has come and gone.
26:13Now, since we have with us here the experts on stage who are here to answer people's questions...
26:19Oh, experts, huh?
26:21A minute ago I was a hack, now I'm back to expert?
26:25That's nice.
26:26Actually, Jennifer, it's not a bad idea.
26:28You should answer this question.
26:31Everyone's here to support the helpline.
26:34Everyone's here to support the helpline.
26:36Why don't you give them a sample of what they can get when they call in?
26:44Okay, well, if you ask me, I think that the answer to that question has many parts.
26:52One, it seems to me that this girl isn't really out to get you.
27:00That maybe, in fact, she's just confused.
27:03To say the least.
27:05And two, maybe she has a lot on her plate at the moment, so she doesn't feel like she
27:11has the time for a relationship.
27:15And three?
27:17That's it.
27:19You can't just start stringing together a list of reasons and stop at two.
27:27Says who?
27:28Says who?
27:30Says me.
27:32Says Drew.
27:33Says our parents.
27:34Remember your mom said that to me, Drew?
27:37Okay, fine, you get three.
27:39Listen, I just don't want a boyfriend at this point in time.
27:42Okay.
27:43Wait a minute, Drew.
27:45This is the head case he's talking about.
27:48He's talking about her.
27:49No.
27:52Yes, I'm the girl that he is referring to, but no, I'm not a head case.
27:57Oh, wow, this is interesting.
27:59So why did you dump this guy?
28:02Unless you don't feel comfortable talking about these issues.
28:06No, it's just, um...
28:08He beat you, right?
28:10I knew it.
28:11I could see it in his eyes, Drew.
28:14Seriously, is there something about this guy you don't like?
28:17Or is it something about him or something about the relationship?
28:21No, no, I like him.
28:23I like him.
28:25What's not to like?
28:26He's perfect.
28:28He's the perfect living embodiment of everything that I've ever wanted in a boyfriend,
28:33but never thought that I would actually find.
28:35You're kind, you're caring, you're sensitive, you're not wigged out by gay people.
28:42He's kind of cute.
28:43He's got a bit of the spader working for him.
28:46If I were to start a boy from scratch, this is what he would end up as.
28:53Alright, so...
28:55Why would you sabotage this?
28:57Why would you take someone good, someone you describe as wonderful, perfect,
29:02and just drive them away?
29:05Can we turn this back to Joey?
29:07She's more screwed up than me.
29:09Hey!
29:10Hey, were either of you abused when you were kids?
29:13No!
29:14Joey's dad did some time in the big house.
29:18You know, maybe we could bring Joey back.
29:20Joey's dad?
29:21Joey's dad?
29:22Joey's dad?
29:23Joey's dad?
29:24Joey's dad?
29:25Joey's dad?
29:26Joey's dad?
29:27Joey's dad?
29:28Joey's dad?
29:29Joey's dad?
29:30Joey's dad?
29:31Joey's dad?
29:32Joey's dad?
29:33Maybe we could bring Jack up here for some humiliation?
29:35No, no, no.
29:36Do not ever change the subject again, Jen.
29:38I still intend to get some answers from Sally.
29:40Hey!
29:41Get in line, pal.
29:42And seriously, Jen, Jen!
29:43I really need to know what kind of underpermits Dr. Groove...
29:46I'm putting you to sleep.
29:48My agent's calling.
29:50You know what?
29:51It's over.
29:52I'm obviously not equipped to be here, so if you have questions and you need answers,
29:56you should all call the helpline.
30:04Oh my god!
30:05Jen, what was it like to be that close to him?
30:07Did you get to touch him?
30:08What does he smell like?
30:09Audrey, how would you like to see him up close and personal?
30:11Are you saying what I think you're saying?
30:13Yes.
30:14Take over the hosting duties.
30:15Oh.
30:16I thought you wanted me to sing.
30:17Oh well!
30:18A gig's a gig!
30:19Thanks!
30:22Okay, people.
30:23That's our lovely hostess with the mostest, Jen Lindley.
30:26Pick now to have a mental breakdown.
30:28I'll be your Ricky Lake for the rest of the evening.
30:30Now, who's got the next question?
30:32You.
30:33Up top.
30:34Funny-shaped head.
30:35What do you got?
30:36Dr. Drew, is it true that men only want sex and women only want relationships?
30:40I can tell you firsthand that ain't true.
30:42I can tell you stories that would boggle your pea-sized little brain.
30:45I want...
30:46I asked this girl to do it while I was driving once, but she got all sketchy.
30:50Said it wasn't safe.
30:51To engage in high-risk behavior, if you have, you should see a doctor immediately.
30:55And then ask, is someone under five feet considered a midget?
30:59The official midget height is, uh, if I'm wearing a pair of stilettos and I can rest my...
31:05This laser's not a, uh, a magic wand.
31:08Not a panacea.
31:09Yeah.
31:10Yeah, people think it's a...
31:11What'd you say it was?
31:13Panacea.
31:14Cue roll.
31:15During sex, she likes to listen to Pop Goes the Weasel.
31:18Is that...
31:19Is that weird?
31:20That may be where the source of your sexual dysfunction comes from.
31:22Is it okay to use a vibrator?
31:24Great question, but I think you have some feelings about that.
31:26Adam?
31:27Well, I did a test with Drew once where I just covered the left side of his face with...
31:32Whenever you have an abnormality that way, it, uh, increases your chances of being an evil genie.
31:39Well, what I really want to know is, are you taking any medication?
31:42Is it true I can't get pregnant on a full moon?
31:44Are you on any medication?
31:45I've got this bad, uh, burning sensation.
31:50Are you on any medication?
31:51What is the average size of the male genitalia?
31:55Fluoxetine.
31:56I mean really bad.
31:58Citalopram.
31:59It's like I'm on fire.
32:00Luboxone.
32:01Sertraline.
32:02Proprion.
32:03Buspirone.
32:04How small is small?
32:05Which is a genetic biological disease which can lead to consuming progressive amounts of...
32:09Whipped cream, and make sure you have plenty of it around.
32:13The men that want their women to look like little boys that cause them...
32:17Depression and anxiety, which can have both psychological and biological elements to it.
32:22And hopefully...
32:23That answers your question.
32:25Okay people, that's all the time we have for this evening.
32:28Remember something.
32:29If you find yourself alone and depressed, in a room, sitting under a bare bulb in a pile of your own sick...
32:35Please don't call me.
32:36Call the helpline.
32:37Have a great evening!
32:46So...
32:47What would you say to you, me, a couple non-alcoholic beers, and a shiny new thermometer?
32:55Baby...
32:56You read my mind.
33:19What exactly are we doing back here?
33:21We're looking for Audrey.
33:23We drove her here.
33:24We didn't get home with this horrid night behind us.
33:27And we haven't solved our little problem.
33:30Eddie!
33:31Good God, son.
33:33Are you still harping on that?
33:35Why don't you give the girl a break?
33:37Have you taken a look at her lately?
33:39You're lucky a chick that hot lets you get naked in the same building she's in.
33:44You gotta move on.
33:45How old are you?
33:46Fifteen?
33:47Sixteen?
33:49I'm twenty-five.
33:50Twenty-five.
33:52You know what I was doing when I was twenty-five?
33:55No, but I'm sure you're gonna tell me.
33:58That's right, I'm gonna tell you.
34:00When I was twenty-five, I only dreamt of getting with chicks this hot.
34:04I was in my parents' basement looking at my raft box.
34:08It had a picture of a gal on it.
34:10She was wearing a bikini and floating on a raft.
34:13And I just stared at that thing until I was cross-eyed.
34:17I miss that raft box.
34:21That's weird.
34:23Yeah, you're damn right it's weird.
34:25And that's my point.
34:27I'm tired of you college kids complaining and bellyaching all the time.
34:31When I was in college, we didn't have chicks that dressed like this
34:35with their belly tees and their hip huggers and their thongs hanging out the back.
34:40No, no, we had it tough.
34:44Let me ask you a question.
34:46You'd be with this guy if you thought you could trust him, right?
35:02Yeah.
35:03There you go, sport.
35:04All you gotta do is gain her trust and you're in like Flynn, alright?
35:08Now, while my work is done here, I'm gonna get some cheese.
35:17So is that true? You don't trust me?
35:20Can you blame me?
35:24No.
35:26Eddie...
35:30We're living this fantasy.
35:34And we've been doing it ever since you got back.
35:38And as nice as the fantasy is...
35:42It's gonna have to end sooner or later.
35:46Well, since you put it that way, Joey, I choose later.
35:53Look, I understand how you feel, and I'm sorry that I gave you a hard time.
35:58But there's nothing I can say to earn your trust.
36:02So you're just gonna have to take a leap of faith.
36:07Okay? And know that I love you more than anything in this world.
36:30Okay.
36:31Where are we going?
36:32Back to my room before Audrey gets back.
36:35But we drove her here. She's not gonna be able to get back to the...
36:38Exactly.
36:49You know, tonight doesn't have to be a complete disaster.
36:54If we hurry, we can still make it to the bars.
36:56Maybe you can find some nice guy for me to openly flirt with.
36:59Am I supposed to be amused by that?
37:01Yes, David, you are.
37:05But since you're not...
37:08Maybe you should just say what you want to say and let's get this over with.
37:12And you don't have anything that you want to say?
37:14Honestly, no, because in my mind, there's nothing worth even talking about.
37:17Okay.
37:18It's just a stupid misunderstanding that you seem intent on blowing up into a much larger deal.
37:24Okay.
37:26So just to clarify, I'm crazy, and you're not gonna even attempt an apology?
37:32I was just talking with a guy, David. That's it.
37:35It's like Jen said, alright? I'm just... I was being nice.
37:38It's not like I'm trying to communicate anything. It's not like I'm trying to make you feel bad.
37:42You know what?
37:45I'm beginning to think maybe I should have trusted my original instincts about you.
37:50What the hell is that supposed to mean?
37:52Look, if you want to break up with me over something this minor, just do it.
37:56Wow. That's the first place you go?
38:00What?
38:01Jen, or maybe you two have been hanging out so long you've just become the same person.
38:04What the hell are you talking... You know, for a master communicator, you're not expressing yourself too well right now.
38:08We were having a tiny little argument, and in two seconds, you just managed to snowball it into something catastrophic.
38:13Oh, right. I managed, and you weren't at all being passive-aggressive.
38:17I am not the one who's looking for a way out of this.
38:19And I am. And I am.
38:20You know what? If you're bored, if you're in over your head, then just say so.
38:22I say that.
38:23Fine.
38:25But I am not just gonna dump you so that you can walk away from this guilt-free.
38:29Guilt-free?
38:30David, I am guilt-free. I didn't do anything wrong.
38:34Right.
38:35What? Oh, great. What? You're leaving now?
38:37Yes. But before I do, I'm gonna make this really simple for you.
38:40Either apologize to me, or break up with me.
38:43Oh, fine. Okay. Whatever. Sorry.
38:47No. No. No.
38:50I deserve better than that.
38:55Take a day. Hell, take a week.
38:59Think about it, and let me know what you decide.
39:25Wait, CJ. Wait. Let me explain.
39:30Wait, will you please just let me explain?
39:32You know, Jen, I think I've heard all I need to hear tonight.
39:34Look, I need to talk to you. I need your help.
39:37Oh, you need my help? Well, you said it earlier. Why don't you call the freaking help line?
39:41Okay, I will. Ring, ring.
39:45Oh, man, I really hope somebody picks up. Ring, ring.
39:48I'm not gonna do this.
39:49Oh, come on. You've got a crazy girl on the other end of the line,
39:52and she might do something irrational if she doesn't have somebody to talk to.
39:56Ring, ring.
40:03Hello?
40:04Hi, is this the help line?
40:06Yes.
40:07Uh, because you didn't say help line when you answered.
40:11Hello, help line.
40:14Uh, who am I speaking with? Because you didn't give me your name either.
40:16Hello, help line. This is CJ. Do you have a crisis?
40:21Hi, CJ. You have a very sweet voice.
40:25Do you have a crisis or not?
40:28Yes, I do. Um, and you sound like somebody that I could trust.
40:35And somebody who could be endlessly sympathetic with a girl who has a lot of problems.
40:41Oh, well, isn't that ironic?
40:44Considering I just got dumped today by a girl with a lot of problems.
40:48Or maybe she doesn't have any. Maybe she doesn't have any problems.
40:51Personally, I wouldn't know, because she doesn't have enough trust to confide in me.
40:55Well, the thing is, is that maybe this girl realizes that she made a mistake,
41:04but she doesn't really know what to do about it.
41:06Well, maybe she needs to start by realizing that whatever the problem is,
41:10her boyfriend's not the enemy.
41:14Right, well, see, now that's the thing about this girl,
41:17is that she has a tendency to subscribe to self-destructive behaviors in her life,
41:22and that when one part of her life isn't going well,
41:26she has this desire to destroy everything else going on,
41:31and plus she's never really been able to trust anybody before, so...
41:34Everybody's got to start sometime.
41:38So, so what? So what do I do?
41:41I just, I just, I just say what it is that's bothering me,
41:44and then, and then I look up, and you're still there.
41:47Yes, that's what this whole boyfriend thing is all about.
41:49But if you're not interested in having a boyfriend, I can certainly...
41:52She's sick.
41:57My Grams is sick.
42:02And she has been keeping it from me.
42:05And it's the reason that she broke up with your Uncle Bill,
42:07and I don't know what else she's been keeping from me.
42:10I don't know what's going to happen.
42:13I don't know what I'm going to do.
42:14I don't know anything about anything.
42:17And so I had a freak-out, one freak-out.
42:20Is that okay?
42:30Yes.
42:44Yeah, take as many as you need.
43:01Oh, oh, oh, just the man I was looking for.
43:04I knew you'd come around. They always do.
43:07Yeah, where's Dr. Drew?
43:10I kind of went to Penske.
43:12Listen, I hate to tell you, but your beloved Dr. Drew,
43:16not so great with the staying power.
43:19What?
43:20He went to the airport right after the cake.
43:23But I never got any personal face time with him.
43:31What are you still doing here?
43:33Well, I like to hang behind at these things,
43:35see if I can scrape up a little co-ed tale.
43:38Has that ever worked for you?
43:40No, no it hasn't.
43:49Joey?
43:52Jen?
43:53Jack?
43:54Anybody?
43:55Oh, could this night suck any harder?
43:58You know, there are more productive ways to manage aggression.
44:01Listen, buddy.
44:03Oh.
44:05Hi.
44:07Dr. Drew, I wasn't angry just now.
44:11I was just, I was practicing for a play.
44:15You know, Stella, Stella, all that.
44:17Oh, you're an actress.
44:19Well, I am.
44:22But you're more so in life, I guess, than in art.
44:27I have a bit of a flair for the dramatic.
44:29You don't say.
44:31Yeah.
44:34Although, I should kind of point out,
44:39I wasn't entirely lying about the whole rehab thing.
44:46I mean, it happened, that whole part of my life.
44:50And it wasn't pretty, having to face myself and all that.
44:59Every night, after a long day's whining, I would lie in bed
45:04and I would bug my roommate by listening to you guys give advice
45:07to all those other losers out there on the radio.
45:10And, I don't know, it just made me feel less alone.
45:20So, all I guess I just want to say, thank you.
45:27For being you.
45:30The truth is, I don't know if I could have done it without you.
45:45You're, like, totally hot.
45:50How do you want to ride?
45:51Oh, I would love one.
45:52But I know that you're married, so we must keep our distance, Drew.
45:56I'll try.
46:01So, you must have, like, a boatload of groupies, huh?
46:06A few.
46:09I just can't keep girls like that.
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