Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Bye-bye, Bucky!
00:01♪♪♪
00:07Hello, dandy ladies!
00:09Welcome to the Medieval Nights Family Restaurant and Entertainment Center!
00:14Where you'll lose yourselves in a magical world of sorcerers and knights and castles!
00:20Unless you're the owner of a white pickup truck that's illegally parked in the restricted Merlin section of the parking lot.
00:27If you're that person, forget the whole magical world thing and prepare to have your ears poked!
00:34Come on, guys! We don't want to be late for the big show!
00:37♪♪♪♪
00:53Wow! Is this place medieval or what?
00:56It's an impressive display of run-amuck fantasy play!
01:00And it smells like the circus!
01:03It's just so darn authentic!
01:05I mean, they've got jousting, mutton on a stick, farm animals, wandering free...
01:09They even let dogs in half-price!
01:12I guess it's all part of their dream to bring back the bubonic plague.
01:17Ruff! Ruff!
01:20Wow, Barky! Lookie! It's Sir Flinch-a-Lot!
01:25The White Knight-y!
01:28Wow!
01:30Find my apron! Touch my walker with your lap!
01:35You were great on that toilet cleanser commercial!
01:39Thank you for torturing me with that painful memory!
01:43Is there anyone young who would like an autograph?
01:49Excuse me, nice grandmas. I need a white knight to sign my doggie.
01:55Thank you for that very, very odd request, strange little knight.
02:01Maybe another time.
02:03Hail, merry dinner guests. Please take your seats for our knightly dinner show.
02:09You insult their honor. For that you pay.
02:26Hear ye, hear ye. Let us now venture back to a time of romance. A time before modern technology.
02:35A time before silverware and health codes.
02:38Oh!
02:46A time before manners.
02:50A time of knighthood and chivalry.
02:55A time before pouring skills.
02:58Please direct your attention to the arena.
03:01Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
03:05Sir Flinchalot, the white knight of Nothingham, is ready to defend his honor against any challenger.
03:16Ready! Does anyone dare challenge the superior forces of goodness?
03:23Come on, you guys. Get into the action a little.
03:27Go on, Sparky. Defend your honor.
03:31A same thing every night. I waved all the ill-bred morons with meat hanging out of their mouths.
03:37The stupid black knight enters the ring, and by the time I slay him, the entire audience has either gone home,
03:44or is writhing in their seats, wracked by severe intestinal distress.
04:02You! Stop right there!
04:08Teddy Bravestead!
04:10What do you think you're doing? Look where you are! Look around!
04:21All right, then. If it's a fight you want, the joust is on!
04:27Prepare to defend thyself! Nay, dog!
04:32I can hardly look.
04:34Sparky, duck!
04:42What is our brave challenger's name?
04:45Sparky!
04:46I hereby dub thee Sir Sparky.
04:50Doofus!
04:58Oh, what a brave little doggy!
05:01Five dollies a naughty crab! Five dollies!
05:05No reason to push nice grannies!
05:08Enough of Sparky for everybody!
05:11Hear ye! Hear ye! The next round of competition is about to commence!
05:17Sir Sparky and the fight knight will now meet in a battle of clubs over a boat filled with man-eating crocodiles!
05:25But alas, where is our beloved, albeit slightly tarnished, white knight?
05:31Could it be that our brave white knight is a chicken?
05:40Fickle fans! Fickle grannies! I'll show you!
05:44Thy goal is to knock thy opponent off yon bridge and into the crocodile-filled waters below!
05:52Hear ye!
05:54Turn around!
05:56Hey, Sparky!
06:04Let's see you get out of this!
06:14You think you can escape me?
06:16Huh?
06:18Sirs, I seem to be rusted! A little lubrication, please?
06:33Sparky! Sparky! Sparky!
06:47Need a weapon to smiten the dog!
06:49And now, for our final and newest round of competition,
06:53our knights will attempt to pull the legendary sword Excalibur from its legendary stone and slay the legendary dragon of Black Castle!
07:02Dragon? What dragon?
07:04I told you, it's new!
07:08Make haste, brave knights! Whichever of you can remove the sword from the stone shall be king!
07:20Must smiten doggy! Must have sword!
07:24Sword!
07:34Off me, you compounded metal lizards!
07:38Alas, it looks like the white knight will slay the dragon and retain his throne!
07:43First the dog, then the dragon!
07:54Uh-oh!
08:02Well, it looks like a draw! We'll have to do it all over again tomorrow night!
08:08Danny Spanos here, big-time agent with BTPA, the Very Talented People Agency!
08:14You represent talented people? Why are you talking to me?
08:19Are you kidding? You're the absolute funniest man I have ever seen perform!
08:24Funny? You thought it was funny when I was chomped by alligators and torched by a dragon?
08:30Kill me! And by the way, you were also hilarious in the toilet cleanser act,
08:35the one where you played the cowardly stain hiding from the animated scrubbing thingies.
08:40Brilliant! Anyway, I'd like to represent you starting, like, now!
08:45Really? You're kidding! Where do I sign?
08:49On the dotted line. But before you do, I'd like to see you do that moat pratfall one more time! It killed me!
08:56Fine! You wait here! I'll go hurl myself into the moat!
09:00Just for the full effect, I'd rather see you do it with the dog!
09:06Let's go, doggy! Let's do the moat pratfall!
09:10First you say sorry to Barky, then you apologize for offending your honor in front of the nice old grannies.
09:17Sorry! Sorry! Sorry all round!
09:21Let's go, Barky, old fellow!
09:25Good doggy!
09:27On second thought, do the whole act!
09:30Keep barking!