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FunTranscript
00:00Bye-bye, Bucky!
00:01♪♪♪
00:07Hello, dandy ladies!
00:09Welcome to the Medieval Nights Family Restaurant and Entertainment Center!
00:14Where you'll lose yourselves in a magical world of sorcerers and knights and castles!
00:20Unless you're the owner of a white pickup truck that's illegally parked in the restricted Merlin section of the parking lot.
00:27If you're that person, forget the whole magical world thing and prepare to have your ears poked!
00:34Come on, guys! We don't want to be late for the big show!
00:37♪♪♪♪
00:53Wow! Is this place medieval or what?
00:56It's an impressive display of run-amuck fantasy play!
01:00And it smells like the circus!
01:03It's just so darn authentic!
01:05I mean, they've got jousting, mutton on a stick, farm animals, wandering free...
01:09They even let dogs in half-price!
01:12I guess it's all part of their dream to bring back the bubonic plague.
01:17Woof!
01:20Wow, Barky! Lookie! It's Sir Flinchelog!
01:25The White Knightie!
01:28Wow!
01:30Find my apron! Touch my walker with your left!
01:35You were great on that toilet cleanser commercial!
01:39Thank you for torturing me with that painful memory!
01:43Is there anyone young who would like an autograph?
01:49Excuse me, nice grandmas. I need the White Knight to sign my doggie.
01:55Thank you for that very, very odd request, strange little knight.
02:01Maybe another time.
02:03Hail, merry dinner guests!
02:05Please take your seats for our unightly dinner show!
02:10So dear honor! For that you pay!
02:26Hear ye, hear ye! Let us now venture back to a time of romance!
02:32A time before modern technology!
02:35A time before silverware and health codes!
02:40Mmm!
02:46A time before manners!
02:50A time of knighthood and chivalry!
02:55A time before pouring skills!
02:58Please direct your attention to the arena!
03:01Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
03:05Sir Flinchalot, the White Knight of Nothingham, is ready to defend his honor against any challenger!
03:16Ready! Does anyone dare challenge the superior forces of goodness?
03:23Come on, you guys, get into the action a little!
03:27Go on, Sparky! Defend your honor!
03:31I say the same thing every night.
03:33I wave to all the ill-bred morons with meat hanging out of their mouths,
03:37the stupid Black Knight enters the ring,
03:40and by the time I slay him, the entire audience has either gone home
03:44or is writhing in their seats, wracked by severe intestinal distress.
04:02You! Stop right there!
04:08Teddy Bravestead!
04:10What do you think you're doing? Look where you are!
04:14Look around!
04:21All right, then. If it's a fight you want, the joust is on!
04:27Prepare to defend thyself!
04:30Nay, doc!
04:32I can hardly look!
04:34Sparky, duck!
04:42What is our brave challenger's name?
04:45He's Sparky!
04:47I hereby dub thee Sir Sparky!
04:50Doofus!
04:53Ow!
04:58Oh, what a brave little doggie!
05:01Five dollies a naughty crab! Five dollies!
05:05No reason to push nice grannies!
05:08Be enough of Sparky for everybody!
05:11Hear ye! Hear ye!
05:13The next round of competition is about to commence!
05:17Sir Sparky and the White Knight will now meet in a battle of clubs over a moat filled with land-eating crocodiles!
05:25But alas, where is our beloved, albeit slightly tarnished, White Knight?
05:31Could it be that our brave White Knight is a chicken?
05:40Fickle fans! Fickle grannies! I'll show you!
05:45My goal is to knock my opponent off yon bridge and into the crocodile-filled waters below!
05:54Turn around!
05:56He's Sparky!
06:04Let's see you get out of this!
06:09What?
06:14You think you can escape me?
06:19Sirs, I seem to be rusted!
06:22A little lubrication, please?
06:26No!
06:34Sparky! Sparky! Sparky!
06:48Need a weapon to smite in the dark!
06:50And now, for our final and newest round of competition,
06:54our knights will attempt to pull the legendary sword Excalibur from its legendary stone
06:59and slay the legendary dragon of Black Castle!
07:03Dragon? What dragon?
07:05I told you, it's new!
07:09Ah!
07:12Make haste, brave knights!
07:14Whichever of you can remove the sword from the stone shall be king!
07:21Must smiten, doggie! Must have sword!
07:26Dragon!
07:34Off me, you compounded metal lizards!
07:38Alas, it looks like the white knight will slay the dragon and retain his throne!
07:43First the dog, then the dragon!
07:56The dog!
08:01Well, it looks like a draw!
08:04We'll have to do it all over again tomorrow night!
08:08Danny Spanos here, big-time agent with BTPA, the Very Talented People Agency!
08:14You represent talented people?
08:17Why are you talking to me?
08:19Are you kidding? You're the absolute funniest man I have ever seen perform!
08:24Funny? You thought it was funny when I was chomped by alligators and torched by a dragon?
08:31Kill me! And by the way, you were also hilarious in the toilet cleanser act,
08:36the one where you played the cowardly stain hiding from the animated scrubbing thingies.
08:40Brilliant! Anyway, I'd like to represent you starting, like, now!
08:45Really? You're kidding! Where do I sign?
08:49On the dotted line! But before you do, I'd like to see you do that moat pratfall one more time! It killed me!
08:56Fine! You wait here! I'll go hurl myself into the moat!
09:00Just for the full effect, I'd rather see you do it with the dog!
09:06Let's go, doggie! Let's do the moat pratfall!
09:10First you say sorry to Bucky, then you apologize for offending your honor in front of the nice old grannies!
09:17Sorry! Sorry! Sorry all round! Let's go, Bucky, old fellow!
09:25Good doggy! And second part, do the whole act!
09:38Hey, Bucky!
09:47Good doggy!