Film sconosciuto di Tinto Brass con (Laura Antonelli)
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FunTranscript
00:00Casualmente, ho qui una lista che elenca, credo, con esattezza estrema,
00:07tutto il contenuto della vostra cassaforte.
00:11Scudi vaticani?
00:13Duecentotrentatremila.
00:16Doppie dobloni spagnoli?
00:19Centoventunomila.
00:21Cento lingotti d'oro?
00:24Da un chilo.
00:26Poi c'è tutta una lista delle pietre preziose sciolte e dei gioielli montati,
00:31compreso il famoso smeraldo ruspoli.
00:35Da voi avuto in pagamento per certi debiti di gioco del principe.
00:39Devo continuare?
00:41Adesso lo so chi vi ha dato la lista, brutto schifoso.
00:46Se voi darete al Vaticano tutto il contenuto della vostra cassaforte,
00:51senza ovviamente sottrarre nulla di quanto compare in questa lista,
00:58allora mi impegno a far sì che la vostra colpa venga definitivamente cancellata.
01:08Se cancellate, Eminenza, voi sapete che non posso che accettare.
01:12Ditemi quello che devo fare.
01:14Voi niente.
01:16Verrò io personalmente questo pomeriggio a casa vostra
01:20per prendere la cassaforte e vi porterò il perdono papale.
01:25Allora, Don Arpagone?
01:30E allora che?
01:32Obedisco ai vostri ordini e mi rimetto devotamente ai voleri del Santo Padre.
01:37Molto bene.
01:38A questo pomeriggio, Don Arpagone.
01:40Sì, a questo pomeriggio, Eminenza.
01:42Vi accompagno, Don Arpagone.
01:44Grazie, Don Oronto.
01:45Con il permesso di vostra Eminenza.
01:47Riverisco, Eminenza.
01:49Io me ne vado.
02:01Ma avete sentito che ha detto?
02:03Non c'entra niente la guerra santa, e tanto meno i turchi.
02:06Piano, piano, Don Arpagone, piano.
02:08Molti avrebbero voluto denunciare sua Eminenza,
02:10ma nessuno ha mai avuto il coraggio di farlo.
02:12Don Oronto, io di natura sono pauroso,
02:14ma se mi toccano i soldi, quel coraggio ce l'avrei.
02:17Sì, sono coraggiosissimo io.
02:19Ma è possibile che non posso parlare con il Santo Padre?
02:21Calmatevi, Don Arpagone, calmatevi.
02:23Eh, io sono calmo.
02:24Ma al Santo Padre io vorrei mettere una buona parola per voi,
02:27perché non è giusto che siate ancora il suo segretario
02:30mentre quel malscalzone...
02:31Basta così.
02:32Sì, sì.
02:33Seguitemi, vi porto da lui, mi avete convinto.
02:36Un minuto.
02:37Non più di un minuto, eh?
02:39No, no, un minuto, un minuto solo.
02:41Grazie, grazie, Eminenza.
02:43Non ancora.
02:44Eh, ma presto.
02:45Se Dio vorrà.
02:47Ah, porcaccia me!
02:50Eh!
02:51Santità.
02:54Scusate il disturbo, ma era una cosa urgente.
02:58Santità, sono Arpagone.
03:01Vi ricordate, Arpagone?
03:03Ho avuto l'onore di prestarvi i soldi.
03:06Volevo tanto incontrarvi.
03:09Ma il Cardinale Spinosi non ha mai voluto che io parlassi con voi.
03:13Io non so perché, ma ci deve essere sotto qualche cosa.
03:17Santità, il Cardinale dice che il vostro sguardo si è posato su di me.
03:25Ma è vero?
03:28È vero che voi volete la cassaforte mia?
03:32Ma io devo essere sicuro.
03:34Mi potete fare un cenno?
03:36Anche un piccolo cenno, che io capisco.
03:39Quello mi ha portato via la cassaforte.
03:41Santità, non è mica giusto.
03:43Lo dice anche il Vangelo.
03:45Se uno c'ha i soldi, se li deve tenere.
03:48Io penso che il Cardinale Spinosi,
03:51in combutta con l'assassina della sorella e col mio amministratore,
03:55mi vogliono portare via i soldi.
03:57E se li vogliono portare via a me, li levano anche a voi,
03:59che magari, voi preso da tutte le cose spirituali,
04:03e non ci fate caso.
04:07Che?
04:09Avete fatto il cenno?
04:11Santità!
04:13Grazie, mi avete aperto il cuore alla speranza.
04:16Allora la cassaforte mia è salva.
04:19Già che ci siamo, Santità,
04:21quel piccolo prestito di centomila scudi,
04:24se voi me lo poteste ridare, perché mi servono.
04:28Fatemi un piccolo cenno, Santità.
04:30Un piccolo cenno, vi prego.
04:34Santità.
04:36Santità.
04:40Che si è addormito?
04:43Meglio se andiamo.
04:47Siamo il bicchiere, e brindiamo la cara Frosina.
04:50Grazie.
04:51Mi ha riportato la pace in famiglia, come ha fatto non lo so,
04:54ma è stata più brava di me.
04:55Ma che dite, don Arfavore, voi avete comandato,
04:57ed io ho fatto solo il mio dovere.
04:59No, no, no, sei stata bravissima.
05:01Tanto più che hai indotto i miei figli a sposare le persone
05:03che io avevo scelto per loro e per la loro felicità.
05:07Ma le pubblicazioni sono pronte?
05:08Tutto a posto.
05:09Mancano solo i nomi e cognomi dei futuri sposi.
05:11E poi nulla e nessuno potrà più turbare
05:13questa meravigliosa cerimonia collettiva.
05:15Zitta un po'.
05:16Oddio!
05:17Che è?
05:18Che è questo ill'aiuto?
05:19Non lo vuoi sentire al genere?
05:21Oddio!
05:22La sentite?
05:23I ladri!
05:24Ha detto i ladri!
05:25I ladri!
05:26Oddio, le chiavi!
05:27Le chiavi vie!
05:28Dove stanno le chiavi?
05:29Oddio!
05:30Oddio, mi sento male.
05:32Ma che successo?
05:34Oddio!
05:36Orghiamo!
05:38Argene!
05:39Argene!
05:40Argene!
05:41Che cosa è successo?
05:43La caca!
05:44La ca-
05:45La caca a che?
05:46La cassa forte a che cosa?
05:47Una volta ero ricca sfondata.
05:49Sì, e lo sei!
05:50Tenevo un sacco di soldi.
05:52Eh ben!
05:53Eh ben!
05:54Adesso non ho più un solo.
05:55Parla, dimmi che vuol dire.
05:56Sono una miraggio!
05:57Oddio, hanno rubato.
05:58Una morta di fame, hanno rubato!
06:00The safe! The safe!
06:02The safe!
06:04Come!
06:06Here it is!
06:12Have you seen it?
06:14What is it?
06:16It's empty!
06:18It's empty!
06:20It's empty!
06:22The safe is empty!
06:24The safe is empty!
06:26The safe is empty!
06:30The safe is empty!
06:32Yes, yes, it's empty!
06:34Yes, it's empty!
06:36They stole everything!
06:38All my wealth!
06:40Yesterday I had it, today I lost it!
06:44Tell me I'm sleeping
06:46peacefully and that
06:48what I saw is all a dream!
06:50A dream?
06:52Yes, a dream, I was sleeping!
06:54No, father, you are not sleeping,
06:56you are awake!
06:58Thank you for the information!
07:00So if I'm not sleeping,
07:02what I saw is true?
07:04It could be them!
07:06Are you my dear
07:08money?
07:10Are you?
07:12You, in your
07:14spark?
07:16Calm down!
07:18But where are you?
07:20I don't see you anymore,
07:22my poor money!
07:24I don't feel them anymore,
07:26their spark!
07:34Where are you now?
07:36Who are you with?
07:38Let me hear your music!
07:42Is there anyone
07:44who can help me?
07:46I have to find
07:48my money, they took it away,
07:50they stole it!
07:56Shit!
08:00Who is it?
08:02I hear them!
08:04They are coming!
08:06They are coming to the carriage,
08:08they are taking my money!
08:26Eminence!
08:38What an honour!
08:40What are you doing here?
08:42You know very well,
08:44I came to take what you promised me,
08:46the safe!
08:48The safe?
08:50The safe is empty,
08:52completely!
08:54It's true!
08:56What did you tell them?
08:58There was a theft!
09:00Yes, yes!
09:02There is nothing left!
09:04My money is gone!
09:08Stop it!
09:10The comedy is over!
09:12I want to see
09:14what happened!
09:16Let's go!
09:18Come and see!
09:20This way, Eminence,
09:22and look what a terrible thing!
09:24I haven't recovered yet!
09:26I still feel so bad,
09:28Eminence, for what happened!
09:30Look, it's empty!
09:32There is nothing left!
09:34The thieves stole everything,
09:36even Argen's money!
09:38My legs are weak,
09:40I can't feel them anymore!
09:42We are ruined!
09:44Me, you and even the Holy Father!
09:46It's true, the safe is empty,
09:48but strangely I don't see
09:50I'm wrong!
09:52No, it's not that!
09:54Let me explain!
09:56No, you are too weak and confused!
09:58I'm sure that in a few days
10:00in the Vatican prison
10:02you will understand!
10:04No, what prison?
10:06I'm not the thief!
10:08I'll make some accurate investigations
10:10to establish how it really happened!
10:12And if, as I think,
10:14dear Don Arpagone,
10:16the safe will be your destiny!
10:18Here they are!
10:20Be careful, you are Swiss!
10:22You can't take me to prison!
10:24I'm Don Arpagone,
10:26I'm a friend of the Pope!
10:28I'm telling you!
10:30Stop!
10:32It's not fair that Don Arpagone
10:34is so cruelly taken from his home
10:36and from his family!
10:38I don't know you, get out of my way!
10:40But I do know you!
10:42And even my girls would recognize you
10:44even in this sacred dress
10:46Be careful, it's all documented!
10:48I don't understand
10:50what you are saying, dear lady!
10:52I insist to say that I don't know you!
10:54Anyway, you can thank her,
10:56Don Arpagone,
10:58it's thanks to her that you are no longer under arrest!
11:00After all, I think we can get along!
11:02I'm afraid, Eminenza,
11:04that you can no longer get along with anyone!
11:06Don Oronte, finally!
11:08Did you hear, Eminenza?
11:10You can no longer get along, Don Oronte!
11:12You know, she wanted to cut my head off!
11:14What have you come to do?
11:16Someone, I don't know who,
11:18has reported you to the Holy Father
11:20and all the checks on your administration
11:22have assessed the charges.
11:24And for me, that soldier?
11:26Yes, the Holy Father sent me
11:28to catch you red-handed
11:30while you were pocketing the money.
11:32Oh, the money!
11:34Look, the safe is empty!
11:36Because the thieves came!
11:38You are from Vienna!
11:40Do you want to deny it?
11:44I understand.
11:46Am I under arrest?
11:48No, not really.
11:50There is a ship waiting for you in Civitavecchia
11:52for a long mission in the East Indies.
11:54And your sister will come with you.
12:02The will of the Holy Father.
12:04Shall we go?
12:06It can be seen that the gaze of the Holy Father
12:08has rested on all of you,
12:10once for all.
12:12Not bad.
12:42Dona Ronte, I am infinitely grateful to you.
12:44Thank you, Don Arpagone.
12:46Your suggestion to the Holy Father
12:48has been precious.
12:50I will be consecrated cardinal in a few days.
12:52Yes, how happy I am!
12:54So now you can intercede with the Holy Father
12:56for the money he has not yet returned to me.
12:58Maybe I will come to you
13:00to ask for your forgiveness.
13:02I will be happy to do so.
13:04I will be happy to do so.
13:06I will be happy to do so.
13:08I will be happy to do so.
13:10I will be happy to do so.
13:32Farewell.
13:34Farewell to all of you.
13:40Oh, my God.
13:42Mr. Pagone, I'd like to congratulate you on your escape.
13:45It's nice to see justice triumph.
13:47I forgot about you.
13:48Otherwise, I'd have had you arrested from those jails,
13:50in chains, ugly Judas.
13:52No, no, no. What are you saying, Mr. Pagone?
13:53It was you who gave him the list of all my belongings
13:56and everything I had in the safe.
13:58Yes. Get out of this house, you know.
14:00And forget about being at my service.
14:02But what are you doing? Are you firing me?
14:03Yes.
14:04Where am I going?
14:05What do you mean, where are you going?
14:06Go with your friends.
14:07Go to India with them.
14:08Be good.
14:09No, no, not good.
14:10I want to be with you, even without a salary.
14:21Without a salary, you say?
14:23Even without food?
14:25Nothing.
14:27I want your forgiveness.
14:30If you don't want anything, kiss this hand.
14:32I forgive you.
14:33Yes. Thank you.
14:39Have you understood how difficult it is to govern a house like ours?
14:42Have you heard Master Simone? He doesn't want anything.
14:45And if you don't ask for anything either,
14:47perhaps we will go on the same way,
14:49even with the safe empty.
14:51And now, excuse me.
14:53I need to be alone.
14:55Go and meditate.
14:57Didn't you hear him?
14:58And now what do we have to do?
15:00Lord, my God,
15:02you who can do everything,
15:04and you who see everything.
15:08I have to get married.
15:10Enlighten me.
15:12What do I have to do?
15:13Can I?
15:14Of course.
15:15If I ask you.
15:16There is Don Guglielmo.
15:18Yes.
15:19And who is he?
15:20Don Arpagò, there is Don Guglielmo.
15:22What were you talking about?
15:24Now me.
15:25There is Don Guglielmo, sir.
15:28I could kill you.
15:30Don Guglielmo, we made him accommodate in the good room.
15:33All right.
15:34Don Arpagò,
15:35there is Don Guglielmo.
15:36I heard.
15:37Let's go.
15:38Let's go.
15:39Let's go.
15:40Where are my dear guests?
15:42Here they are.
15:44Don Guglielmo,
15:46what an honor.
15:48Beautiful,
15:49what a refined elegance.
15:52A man of your wealth
15:54in my humble house.
15:56I am here to pay homage to you.
15:58Thanks to the publications of your weddings,
16:01I was able to find my wife Elvira
16:04after 15 years of cruel separation.
16:07Your wife?
16:09Are you married?
16:10Yes, of course.
16:11Yes?
16:12And then?
16:13Oh, Donna Elvira,
16:15what a joy to meet you.
16:17Father, come here to sit.
16:18Yes, yes, I come.
16:19My little wife, what is it?
16:21That one there, the brunette.
16:22Really?
16:23Yes.
16:24What a beautiful woman.
16:25My daughter Mariana.
16:26What is your daughter like?
16:27She is beautiful.
16:28She is beautiful.
16:29My daughter Mariana.
16:30What is your daughter like?
16:31And my son Valerio.
16:32Oh God, even Valerio is your son?
16:33But then?
16:34Yes, brother and sister.
16:35Brother and sister?
16:36But your children?
16:37Of course.
16:38Therefore rich?
16:39But what do I say rich?
16:40Rich, broke?
16:41Oh God, I feel bad.
16:43You have something to object to.
16:44No, no, no, what to object to?
16:45On the contrary.
16:47So there will be no problem
16:49if I love your daughter
16:50and I want to marry her?
16:52Without mercy.
16:53You are the ideal.
16:54But I always said it, right Elisa?
16:56Having a boy like that at home
16:58is a wonderful fortune.
16:59Doesn't it seem true to me?
17:00And me, father?
17:01Do you always have the idea
17:02to get me married to the widow?
17:04What are you saying?
17:05I've always had the idea
17:06that Mariana is the ideal wife.
17:08I wanted to marry her.
17:09Now that this flower of a girl is yours,
17:12I have to marry the widow?
17:13What are you, crazy?
17:19Did you know that
17:20they stole everything from me
17:21inside the safe?
17:22Yes.
17:23And to alleviate your pain,
17:24allow me to make you a loan.
17:26A loan?
17:27Really?
17:28Yes.
17:29Thank you for your generosity,
17:30but a loan?
17:31At what interest?
17:33No interest.
17:34We called it a loan
17:36just to not embarrass you
17:38by defining it as a gift.
17:39Donna Elvira,
17:41an offer from you
17:42with your grace.
17:44I can only accept it.
17:45Kill me if you want.
17:47It was a good idea.
17:48Thank you very much.
17:49Happy?
17:50Now let's talk about
17:51the marriage of our children.
17:52Here it is.
17:53This is a bad topic, see?
17:55Because this generosity of yours,
17:57we salute it with the guests of the wedding.
18:00Don Arpagone,
18:01in a moment like this,
18:03it's not up to you to pay the expenses.
18:05No.
18:06No.
18:07Clothes, carriages, drinks,
18:08food, servants, cooks,
18:10everything in short.
18:11It's all on me.
18:15Servants, beggars,
18:16imbeciles,
18:17fools, what are you doing?
18:18You can see them.
18:19Mastro Giacomo.
18:20Say, Don Arpagone.
18:21Run to the market.
18:22But I've already been there.
18:23Come back,
18:24take what you have and bring it home.
18:25Babes, chickens, rabbits,
18:27I'll give you everything.
18:28I'll take everything and bring it home.
18:30I recommend the wines.
18:31Choose the most valued
18:32in honor of Dona Elvira.
18:34I obey.
18:35How generous you are, Don Arpagone.
18:37Oh, thank you, Dona Elvira.
18:39Actually, at times,
18:40it's like this.
18:41I'm surprised by my generosity.
18:43Don Arpagone.
18:44What do you want?
18:45I always without food.
18:46Oh, yes, you eat so much.
18:49Come here.
18:50Tomorrow?
18:51Tomorrow, not today.
18:52Tomorrow you eat.
18:53Rather, Frosina.
18:54Where is she?
18:55Who saw her?
18:56Why isn't she here?
18:57Does anyone know where Frosina went?
18:58Forget it, father,
18:59that you offended her.
19:00She left.
19:01Yes, she's offended.
19:02Oh, poor Frosina.
19:03After all, she's a good woman, you know.
19:05Tomorrow I'll go to her
19:07and I'll be forgiven.
19:08Now, my dear,
19:09I leave you with a bad heart,
19:11but today was a day
19:12so dense with emotions
19:14and tomorrow
19:15it won't be less.
19:17You do as if
19:18you were at your house.
19:19But I withdraw.
19:20Goodbye, my dear.
19:21See you tomorrow.
19:22Don Arpagone!
19:23Yes?
19:24Forget this.
19:25What is it?
19:26The mace.
19:28I would have come back
19:29if I had noticed.
19:30Anyway, thank you, Mrs. Alvina.
19:32It's a pleasure.
19:33And thank you all, too.
19:35May God bless you.
19:36Today you made a happy man.
19:44Here I am.
19:45And even today
19:46the Providence has arrived.
19:52Here I am.
19:59Here I am.
20:04That is the question,
20:06as Arpagone would say
20:08at my place.
20:11Orloi,
20:12here is the mace.
20:17One,
20:18two,
20:19three.
20:23Mechanism six,
20:24a four,
20:25six.
20:30Wonderful!
20:32This perfect mechanism
20:34finally works.
20:37Yes, yes, yes,
20:38yes, yes, yes.
20:39Yes, yes, yes.
20:40Who in the world
20:41could ever guess?
20:43Yes!
20:44Fastest!
20:45He opens the door
20:47and brings the water
20:48to his mill.
20:49He spins, spins
20:50and goes up and down.
20:51The water flows
20:52and goes blue, blue.
20:53Yes!
20:54Fastest!
20:55One,
20:56two,
20:57three,
20:58four,
20:59five,
21:00six,
21:01seven,
21:02eight,
21:03six.
21:04Yes!
21:05One ball runs
21:06and the other runs fast.
21:07It's a day of celebration.
21:08Yes!
21:09We sing,
21:10we dance,
21:11tralala.
21:12Here is the closet
21:13and it opens.
21:14We sing,
21:15we dance and I am happy.
21:17Here,
21:18the great moment
21:20has come,
21:21drink and drangle,
21:22drink and drangle.
21:23This is my secret
21:24that no one will discover.
21:25May I come in?
21:26Yes.
21:27Good morning,
21:28my dears.
21:29Here I am.
21:30Make yourselves comfortable
21:31in your new home.
21:33How lovely you are.
21:35I am so happy.
21:36I am so happy.
21:37I am so happy.
21:38I am so happy.
21:39I am so happy.
21:40I am so happy.
21:41I am so happy.
21:42I am so happy.
21:43How beautiful you are!
21:45It's beautiful!
22:09The lights!
22:11Flickering!
22:15Ah!
22:19Damn, what a hurry!
22:21Is there anyone to come in to pick you up?
22:25I'm right here!
22:29No, my loves, it's not me, it's the father.
22:31Come back up.
22:39Perfect!
22:41Who can find you?
22:43My dear treasures,
22:45no one in the world will ever know where you are,
22:47not even my wife,
22:49if one day I were to get married.
22:51Are you sure?
22:53Yes!
22:55Ah!
22:57Who are you?
22:59Frosina!
23:01And how did you get in?
23:03Ugly, disgusting!
23:07Murderer!
23:09Thief!
23:11Two years of work
23:13to build this safe
23:15and a watch shop.
23:17It was my secret
23:19that I had to hide in the grave.
23:21You come and find out everything.
23:23So what do you do now?
23:25What do I do?
23:29Yes, what do I do?
23:31What do I have to do?
23:33You won't leave this room
23:35ever again.
23:37Forever?
23:39Well,
23:41isn't that what you wanted?
23:43Don Arpagone,
23:45I didn't imagine that words
23:47so sweet and tender
23:49could come out of your mouth.
23:53No, wait.
23:55Not here,
23:57in front of them.
23:59But why? Are they jealous?
24:01Yes.
24:03But I want you so much.
24:05And I don't.
24:07There's only one place.
24:09Shall we go?
24:11Excuse me.
24:31Here we are.
24:37Yes.
25:07Yes.
25:37Music
25:39Music
25:41Music
25:43Music
25:45Music
25:47Music
25:49Music
25:51Music
25:53Music
25:55Music
25:57Music
25:59Music
26:01Music
26:03Music
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