Male Vs Female Communication || Acharya Prashant (2022)

Acharya Prashant

Series Trailer:    • Men Desperately Trying to Understand ...    Part 1: This Video   Part 2:    • What Actually Holds Women Back? || Ac...    Part 3:    • What We Get Wrong About Feminine and ...    Part 4:    • Sex: Is it that important? || Acharya...    Part 5:    • The Painful Cost of Wrong Education |...    Part 6:    • How to Make the World a Better Place?...    ‍♂️ Want to meet Acharya Prashant?  Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/hi/enquir...    Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books?  Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?...  ~~~~~   Context:   ~ Why is women's liberation so important?  ~ Why are there such pronounced disparities between men and women?  ~ Why do women give off such ambiguity?  ~ Why most women reluctant to put things squarely,  upfront?  ~ Why do women deal in hints so much?    Music Credits: Milind Date  ~~~~~

Transcript

00:00Thank you for meeting with me again, Acharyaji.

00:06And especially I asked you that if you can just make this all men.

00:12And I know you talk a lot about women's liberation and furthering women's journey to liberation.

00:22And I have some stuff to talk about that I just feel more comfortable sharing when they're

00:27just guys.

00:29So thank you for agreeing to do that.

00:32Welcome.

00:34I guess my first question is, I know men and women are equal in their potential in what

00:42they can achieve and in accomplishments.

00:46But I also know that we have physical differences and differences in how we look at life.

00:53And yet we don't acknowledge that and we say men and women are equal.

00:58It's almost like you're not supposed to say that men and women are physically different.

01:04Like I don't have a uterus and that's just a fact.

01:07So why do we hide this?

01:10Why do we pretend it doesn't exist?

01:14The reasons are more on the historical side.

01:21Yes, there are differences, but in the past those differences have been blown up, exaggerated

01:34to make the false conclusion that one side is actually superior than the other.

01:46Not different, not just different, but actually superior.

01:52So acknowledgement of differences had become an acknowledgement of superiority.

02:02So if this superiority, inferiority and the game of domination and exploitation that goes

02:10with it had to be kept aside.

02:19One had to emphasize on the equality aspect of the two beings, the two genders.

02:28So that's the reason why there is so much emphasis on equality.

02:37But yes, I would agree that just as at one point or over a long period of time the differences

02:49were exaggerated, equally it is possible that today the equality aspect or the similarities

03:03are being exaggerated and any exaggeration is a denial of fact and therefore not useful,

03:17not helpful and against the truth.

03:22So yes, there are differences and any sane person would readily agree that there do exist

03:31differences.

03:37Is it okay if we talk about some of these differences?

03:40Of course, that's what we are here for and that's what our six friends here are waiting for.

03:48You insisted on an all male crowd and that's what we have got.

03:52So I'm going to ask you a few questions and if you guys feel the same way, please chime in.

03:58I just want to know that I'm not crazy when I say these things.

04:03So I've noticed in my interaction with women there are some common themes and I just don't

04:10know if something is wrong with me or maybe this is just how it is.

04:15But I've noticed, for example, women will sometimes say something but they'll do something

04:23completely different.

04:26If she wants something from me, she won't ask me directly, can I have X?

04:30It will be some sort of oblique hint.

04:34I've just noticed that, at least with my guy friends, they'll just tell me what's up and

04:39we'll deal with it.

04:40But with women, I feel like I have to guess what they want and if I don't guess exactly

04:47what they want, I'm in trouble, like I've done something wrong.

04:53Most men would vouch they've had a similar experience.

05:02It happens.

05:03How do you interpret it?

05:06Do you take it as a conclusion of a problem with an entire gender?

05:19Why does this thing happen?

05:20Why are many women, probably most women, reluctant to put things squarely up front?

05:32Why do they deal so much in hints, in pointers, in imagery, in symbols?

05:39Why do they do that?

05:42Forget that they are a particular gender, forget the physicality, go to the mind.

05:49Think of the mind, the consciousness that has to deal so much in hints, the kind of

06:00mind that does not want to be, probably cannot afford to be upfront.

06:10What kind of mind is that?

06:12And also, mind you, that kind of mind is found not only in women, but also in several men.

06:22Maybe in women it's seen much more frequently, but it's not really the preserve of just women.

06:34Even men show these characteristics.

06:38When do people behave like that?

06:41You said women don't talk straight, and they would say something and mean something else,

06:49and they are quick to get offended, and that they take things personally, that they are

07:03not really cool about life.

07:07You said with your guy friends you can just be very very straight, women you have to be probably tactful.

07:17Obviously we are generalizing here, but maybe that generalizing has a grain of truth in it.

07:22Why does somebody have to deal in symbols?

07:27Probably one feels a certain vulnerability, we are talking about the mind, we are talking

07:31about the human being, let's keep the general aside for a while.

07:38If I say something directly, I might be ridiculed.

07:47I want to keep a safe option open, so I'll say, I said it, I didn't say, still.

07:56I said, no, I didn't say, because I wanted to be secure, so I kept it ambiguous.

08:06Did I mean that?

08:08Probably I did, probably I didn't.

08:13It's very very stuffy here, very stuffy here.

08:21Do I mean we should go out?

08:24Yes, I do mean that, if you can appreciate that, but if you are someone who can't appreciate

08:31that, who is a bit insensitive, then I don't mean that.

08:35So I want to keep it deliberately ambiguous, it's a bit of a skill.

08:45And it happens when you are insecure, you are forced to display this kind of behavior

08:54when there is fear, when there is fear, when you are just anxious, anything wrong can happen

09:03to you any moment.

09:04I don't want to run away with this, I don't want to throw conclusions on you, so keep

09:15interjecting, take an extreme example for you, women have been under a heavy burden

09:27to carry the moral code of the society.

09:34She is the carrier of the society's morality, now how does she express that she needs to

09:45consume something because consumption in general is not a moral virtue, so if she has to express

09:54a basic desire like dining out, like buying new clothes, watching a movie, even in that

10:09she just cannot display the full force of her desire.

10:17I am not talking about 1% of the liberated population, liberated not in the spiritual

10:27sense but in the ideological sense, the liberal category, I am not talking of them, they feel

10:34empowered to say and do whatever they want to, but in India and in fact in most countries

10:44of the world still, including the US, compared to men, women are supposed to be more modest.

10:58So how do I flow freely, how do I express myself spontaneously?

11:07Spontaneous expression often involves a lot of passion, a lot of desire and if I am young

11:14it might also include the sexual desire, I am not supposed to be open and direct and

11:24upfront and casual about it, I can't be and if I can't be casual about something, read

11:31me right, these are words that can be taken in either way, hear me rightly, if I can't

11:38be casual about something, often it will be difficult for me to be spontaneous.

11:43So what will I do?

11:50I keep layers of security, if I have to say A, I will say BCADE, now that A has been armoured

12:06from both the sides and I am leaving it to your empathy and wisdom to decode that in

12:17BCADE, the two sides have to be peeled off and you have to come to A, the thing that

12:27I really meant to be known, when guys talk to each other and you mean to say A, you just

12:34say A, A and if the fellow doesn't understand A, you heap him with abuses, that's what I

12:45said A, often a woman has to say A, she will say BCADE, you approach it from either side,

12:57you have to first unveil the truth, remove the layers and then you come to know what

13:05I want to say.

13:08This obviously appears amusing to us eight guys sitting here, but I want to explore with

13:17a bit of empathy, what makes a human being do that, because it's quite time and energy

13:25inefficient to use five units of data, where one would have sufficed, BCADE and God save

13:37you, if you thought she meant me, she actually meant BCADE or if you try to decode and say,

13:45oh, so C is what you mean.

13:49That's where I get stuck.

13:50That's where you get stuck, if you say C, then you really don't see, so you have to

13:57see A, you have to see A, you have to cross BC, you have to reach A.

14:04There's no logical formula to decipher it.

14:07It also happens when you say, for example, when you say A, they listen B.

14:14Because you know, you become so used to these codes and symbols, that your faculty to hear

14:21straight just diminishes, your ability to hear A as A just shrivels, now I am used to

14:34saying BCADE, when I mean A. You tell me ABCDE, you probably meant ABCDE, you probably

14:44meant A as the most important thing in ABCDE, but going by my own algorithm, if you tell

14:52me ABCDE, I will think that you mean C, because that's how my own algorithm runs.

15:01So, men, therefore, find women quite mysterious, what's going on, nothing much really.

15:12The differences are exaggerated, don't think of her as a body, which obviously she is not

15:22much of, she is as much of consciousness as we are, the men.

15:35So the basic drives are the same, the basic desires are the same, and the ultimate destination

15:43is the same.

15:47She has to be liberated just as we have to be, it's just that owing to the difference

15:52in physicality, the historical contour has been quite different, and that leads to all

16:01these situations, which are sometimes funny, sometimes pretty tragic.

16:08I have found that Valerie plays a very big role, at least from where I look at it, because

16:18she has this responsibility that she carries that we fail to appreciate, at least I fail

16:24to appreciate is the bearing a child part, that the fact that she needs to have that

16:35constant reminder that she has a responsibility already there, I think that insecurity comes

16:42from the fact that biologically they are designed to be protective and to averse being there.

16:49Men on the other hand, because we are not carrying anything, we are not carrying any

16:52kind of liability with us.

16:54No, you are, you are, wait.

16:57There is a difference in magnitude obviously, but there is not a difference in dimension.

17:03She is carrying reproductive cells in her body and a system, you too are carrying a

17:11reproductive system in your body and reproductive cells, just that the participation on that

17:17side is far deeper and longer.

17:21Your participation is relatively smaller, but your participation is equal in the sense

17:27that even you have to provide that cell, without that stuff is not going to happen.

17:34Now, if I ask you, carrying your reproductive system in your body, do you necessarily define

17:43yourself through your would-be kid, do you do that?

17:53I think the outlook towards the whole process or towards this matter from a man's perspective

17:59and a woman's perspective is pretty different.

18:01As in, I am not sure how much importance I will give to the kid, but…

18:08But the logic that you are…

18:11That men talk to women and they flirt, isn't it the same thing?

18:18They are not direct about it and they are trying to give…

18:21Exactly, that's what happens in situations of fear and uncertainty.

18:26You don't flirt with your wife, there is no uncertainty there, right?

18:30You don't flirt with your wife, but you flirt with your colleague, you flirt with strangers,

18:34you flirt with somebody you see in the party.

18:37Why?

18:38Because if you are direct, there can be consequences.

18:41You do not know who she is and what her attitude is.

18:44So, you flirt because you are afraid and insecure.

18:48So, in that way, I am being like a woman.

18:50We all are like that because we all are fundamentally the mind, the consciousness.

18:56And you put the mind in a certain situation and it will react in the same way,

19:03irrespective of the gender, the species, the ethnicity, the age or whatever.

19:08It also happens in diplomatic statements, like one leader of one state there versus I will attack.

19:14Obviously, because there is fear and there is distrust.

19:18And there is distrust, so there is a lot of diplomacy involved.

19:22And you require a long gestation period for trust to develop.

19:29When do you need trust the most?

19:31When things are sensitive or vulnerable the most.

19:35Otherwise, you can be just cavalier about it.

19:39But what I think is that maybe you have certain situations in, just what I have observed,

19:49is that in many of the situations where if you put a man, a lot of pity issues maybe,

19:57day to day, day in, day out, in everyday conversations.

20:00If you look at from a man's perspective, they would not find any kind of real

20:05objective in going in and using that sort of coded language.

20:11But with women, it's the norm.

20:12It's a norm because it becomes a habit if you practice it over centuries.

20:17It becomes a deeply ingrained habit.

20:20What I am asking you is, is it purely due to her physicality or

20:27is there a huge amount of history to it?

20:31And the history is caused by men?

20:33No, the history, the men have not been so prescient or all-powerful that they can

20:42manage the flow of history.

20:44History is largely accidental.

20:46We cannot blame somebody for history.

20:49When you want to blame someone, you first of all have to know or assume

20:55that the fellow is conscious enough to be blamed.

20:58Now, that turns the whole thing upside down.

21:02If somebody is to be blamed, then he has done something in his, in quite unconsciously

21:09and if the fellow has done something unconsciously, how can he be blamed?

21:14Achyutji, if you think from the point of view of history, if we just try to connect the dots,

21:22if male history is different from female history,

21:25then the only thing different in them is their biology.

21:31If you go to the root, so the root has to be somewhere in the biology.

21:38No, it's not merely the biology, you see.

21:41It's also the technology, the stage you are in, the women you are talking of,

21:50other women, women of this century.

21:52Had you been having this conversation 200 years back, would you be referring to the same women?

21:59That woman would have been an entirely different thing, irrespective of the fact that her

22:03physicality would be the same as today's woman.

22:07So, it's not merely physicality that determines the person.

22:14Right?

22:15History is determined not merely by the fact that there are two genders and there is so

22:19much else that's involved, a lot of freak accidents, this, that movement, the way mind

22:26has progressed in its conversation with the material.

22:32So, all that is definitely there.

22:36See, do not discount the possibility that you can have, and we do have, as a matter of fact,

22:46very, very healthy women if they are brought up in the right way, free of

23:00disabling influences, educated rightly, empowered rightly.

23:09On the contrary, if there is a woman of that kind, would you still say these things about her?

23:17Maybe, maybe a little bit of womanly behavior would still be exhibited, but not to the extent

23:26we are used to seeing in women in general.

23:32On the contrary, if you manage to dig out, meet some woman who is heavily conditioned,

23:51born and brought up in a very deceased kind of patriarchal

23:59environment, not educated rightly,

24:06implanted with all kinds of wrong values and beliefs,

24:15then these things that we are talking of will be even more deeply evident in her case.

24:23She will not express herself straight for a moment.

24:33You cannot say, oh, she's a straight shooter, no-nonsense straight talker.

24:39You wouldn't have that.

24:41So, you're saying that the behavior is actually a symptom of something else that's wrong.

24:46It's not caused because of her biology and gender.

24:49Obviously.

24:51See, we all have, irrespective of whether we are males, females, we all have the few

24:59basic tendencies.

25:01One of the tendencies of self-preservation, that's what the ego always wants to preserve itself.

25:07You don't want your opinions to be heard.

25:10You don't want your self-respect to be hurt.

25:13Now, if I tell you that your respect is to be determined by your daintiness,

25:22not by your knowledgeability, not by your courage, not by your wisdom, but by your daintiness,

25:30you'd be extremely nervous if there is a spot on your gown,

25:38because that's what your grandmothers and mothers and fathers and neighbors and teachers have taught you.

25:48Daintiness is much more important than wisdom or courage.

25:54So, you'll be very finicky about that spot on your gown, especially if it's a party gown.

26:01So, do not discount that fact.

26:11We began this conversation acknowledging that the biological differences are obviously real.

26:18We cannot just keep shouting equality, equality.

26:21There are differences and we better acknowledge them.

26:24But then now, what we want to investigate is whether those differences are actually as big as sometimes we want to believe.

26:38So, my assertion here would be that those differences are amplified by

26:48history and by the conditioning that we still give to the girl.

26:51Otherwise, you won't see those differences to the extent that you see.

Category

Transcript

Recommended