Baby Blues TAS_ A Baby Blues Christmas Special
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00:00Look at Zoe's tiny feet, so tiny, and her tiny hands, teeny tiny, and her tiny head.
00:19That's your opinion.
00:21Most beautiful baby in the world checking out.
00:23You know, everyone said this whole giving birth thing was so traumatic.
00:26I don't know.
00:27I feel great.
00:28Uh huh.
00:29I feel great.
00:38Feeling better, honey?
00:39Still a little shaky.
00:40Better get used to it.
00:41I read the average child costs $300,000 to raise.
00:48I'll be so blue thinking about you.
01:02Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree.
01:18That's nice.
01:25Uh huh.
01:26You know, I really want to expose Zoe to good music.
01:29Yeah.
01:30And not just music.
01:31The best food.
01:32The best books.
01:33The best everything.
01:34And no TV.
01:35What do you mean no TV?
01:37Just what I said.
01:40You know, I don't think we should completely shelter Zoe.
01:43We'll teach her to choose.
01:44Of course.
01:45She can watch anything she wants.
01:47Not just PBS.
01:48Look, if another network's logo's on the screen, we'd get up, we'd turn off the set.
01:53I think maybe a parent's job is to put as many different opportunities in front of the
01:57child as they can.
01:58You know, see what happens.
02:00See what happens?
02:01Let her explore who she is inside, whether it's a poet, a pro athlete, a fireman.
02:06Uh huh.
02:07Right.
02:08Those are bad examples, but I mean, sure.
02:09Anything.
02:10What?
02:11She couldn't be a fireman?
02:12Yeah.
02:13Let's send our daughter into burning buildings.
02:14She's going to want some excitement in her life if all she can watch is PBS.
02:17You know, I think we're saying the same thing.
02:18We both want what's best for Zoe.
02:20Yeah.
02:21Let's just do this right.
02:23We owe it to that little girl in the back seat.
02:40Here we are.
02:41Home, sweet home.
02:42Hello, Megan, Shelby, Rodney.
02:51What's that?
02:52It's our new baby.
02:53What are you calling it?
02:54Zoe.
02:55That's stupid.
02:56Is it a boy or a girl?
02:57A girl.
02:58That means it don't got a wiener.
02:59He said wiener.
03:00Yep.
03:01He's a comic genius.
03:02I know where babies come from.
03:03That's nice.
03:04Megan and Shelby came out of my mom's stomach, but I came out of her butt.
03:15Hey, Charlie.
03:16We have to introduce her to Charlie.
03:21Come here, boy.
03:22Where's my buddy?
03:23Okay, I've put a lot of thought into the organization of Zoe's changing table.
03:41Items are placed according to two criteria, frequency of use and level of difficulty,
03:45with the latter placed nearer the right hand.
03:47So our nearer items are wipes, diapers, and lotions, with diapers, since they require
03:50some tab manipulation, placed to the right.
03:53If we stick to it, she'll probably toilet train early, like I did.
03:56And we all know what kind of advantage that gives a person in life.
04:00We do?
04:01Sure.
04:02Label side out, honey.
04:03Zoe, what are you doing?
04:08Our first change.
04:11Daryl and Wanda, it all comes down to this moment.
04:21We wipe off the Wanda, she goes into her spin, and now if the tabs hold, yes!
04:28Talent, teamwork, and that elusive something called magic.
04:33Here come the judges' scores, all sixes.
04:36That puts Daryl and Wanda in the lead ahead of Enoch and Yuri Koliapov.
04:41It was a perfect day today, wasn't it?
04:43She is a perfect baby.
04:45Yeah, and tomorrow, we'll go out and we'll get everything we need for a perfect Christmas.
04:51We can do this.
04:52Ha!
04:53Piece of cake.
05:08She's finally stopped crying.
05:10What time is it?
05:12Time to get up.
05:15Honey, wouldn't it make more sense to put the wipes on top of the diapers since, you
05:24know, we'll need them first.
05:25It just seems to me...
05:26Fine.
05:27Do it.
05:28Hey, neighbors.
05:29Hi, Rex.
05:30Hi, Josie.
05:31Is that your baby?
05:32Wow, she's beautiful.
05:33Thanks.
05:34What are you guys doing?
05:35We're off for a week of skiing at Telluride.
05:38We just decided to go this morning.
05:40Isn't that nuts?
05:42Oh, you guys are so lucky.
05:44We're so envious.
05:46See ya!
05:55You feeling the Christmas spirit yet, hon?
05:58Look!
05:59There's a lady backing out!
06:00Go, go, go!
06:08Woo!
06:09Yeah!
06:11Woo!
06:12Yes!
06:13I win!
06:14In your face, Reverend!
06:15Don't you ever drive like that.
06:22Wow.
06:23These are so expensive.
06:25Ew.
06:26Who paid 40 bucks for this tacky thing?
06:35Let them in, Daryl.
06:36They want to see their granddaughter.
06:39I promise you'll try to get along with my mother.
06:41How about if I just get along with your father?
06:43Well, that's easy.
06:44He never says anything.
06:45Yeah, because your mom won't let him.
06:47Well, you know, I wouldn't mind it if your dad said a little less.
06:50He's not that bad.
06:52So there I am, right?
06:53I'm on the green about 40 feet from the cup.
06:57Now, I would have been happy with a two-putt.
07:01But that little white ball didn't stop rolling till it went in that little round hole.
07:07Oh, what's wrong, sweetie?
07:09You're hungry, aren't you?
07:10Here you are.
07:12I hope you're not giving in to her every time she cries.
07:15You'll never get her on a schedule.
07:17Four-day-old doesn't need a schedule.
07:19Right, Mac?
07:20We've decided you really can't spoil a baby in the first year.
07:23Right, honey?
07:24Well, uh, my mom could have a point.
07:27Daryl!
07:28I'm just saying maybe Zoe could use a little more structure.
07:31That's right.
07:32We had Daryl on the schedule from day one.
07:35Yeah, and now he can't walk past the refrigerator without straightening the magnets.
07:39Hey!
07:40Meet the McPherson family.
07:42Daryl, Pauline, and Mac.
07:44And the Wazowski family.
07:46Wanda, Maggie, and Hugh.
07:48All right, we're looking for the number one answer to this question.
07:51In what ways are Daryl and Wanda the worst parents in the world?
07:55Not setting up a college fund.
07:56Using cheap diapers.
07:58Using cheap diapers.
07:59Survey says...
08:02McPherson family, same question.
08:04Ooh, keeping a filthy house.
08:06Show me filthy house!
08:11Daryl and Wanda, come on out here.
08:13Is Zoe receiving too much coddling or not enough attention?
08:18Uh, too much coddling!
08:21Not enough attention?
08:23One of us has to be right!
08:25No!
08:26Don't you understand?
08:27You can't win!
08:31Wanda?
08:34Yeah?
08:35I'm sorry I didn't back you up.
08:37I'm sorry about the refrigerator magnet crack.
08:40I think maybe we just have different ideas of how to be parents.
08:43That's not necessarily a bad thing, is it?
08:46I guess not.
08:47I suppose my being organized balances your being sloppy.
08:50Yeah.
08:51And it's good that one of us is relaxed.
08:53Imagine if we were both anal and uptight.
08:56Yes, imagine.
08:58Anal and uptight.
09:00Huh.
09:02Could you get that, sweetie?
09:04But it's your turn, sweetie.
09:06But I really need my sleep, sweetie.
09:08I'm going back to work tomorrow, remember?
09:13Night.
09:16Oh.
09:20Wanda's baby journal, day one.
09:23Up all night, housework all day.
09:26Zoe didn't sleep well.
09:30Joy to the world, the teacher said.
09:39We barbecued the rats!
09:46Hi, Melinda.
09:47I wanted to help the baby.
09:48She's okay.
09:49Your kids are wonderful.
09:51But sometimes they misbehave and you gotta make them mind.
09:53Actually, ever since Daryl went back to work, it's been kind of tense.
09:56How do you deal with it?
09:59You find ways.
10:03Home!
10:04Hey, Dad, you like seafood?
10:06Oh, seafood!
10:08Get in the house, now!
10:12Now!
10:14Hi, Carl.
10:15So, uh, any tips for a new parent?
10:18Always watch your back.
10:20Don't show any sign of weakness.
10:23You blink first, it's over.
10:26Rodney!
10:28You shoot me one more time and the rifle Santa got you for Christmas
10:32is going right back to Walmart.
10:37What's happening, Captain?
10:39Hi, Kenny.
10:40You look tired, buddy boy.
10:41I was sitting up half the night with Zoe.
10:43I see.
10:44Wuss.
10:45Very admirable.
10:46What was that?
10:47What was what?
10:48You called me a wuss.
10:49You getting paranoid, buddy boy?
10:50Well, one good thing about the middle of the night,
10:51that's when all the sexy TV shows are on.
10:54Yeah, I can't watch.
10:56Wife won't let you, huh?
10:57No, no, actually, it was my idea.
10:59See, we're only going to expose Zoe to the best programs.
11:03Really?
11:04Anyway, good for you.
11:06Look, I want to take an active role in raising my daughter,
11:09and late-night feedings are a very important bonding time.
11:12I never did any of that stuff,
11:14and I'm very close to both my kids.
11:16You've got three children, Kenny.
11:18I, uh, I have three.
11:22You know, I'm not for wanting to be stuck at home all day,
11:24but, hey, I got to make a living, don't I?
11:26Absolutely.
11:27Instead of making us feel guilty,
11:29our wives should kiss the ground we walk on
11:31for coming down here and bussing our humps all day.
11:33Come on, the office Christmas party's starting.
11:40You know, when I was a little girl,
11:42I liked Ernie best because he was so nice.
11:45But now I think I prefer Bert.
11:48He's got that serious thing going,
11:51and I like taller guys,
11:53and I'm actually finding myself attracted to a felt puppet.
11:56Are you making me lose my mind?
11:59Oh, your first spit bubble.
12:02Zoe, that was amazing,
12:05and I was here to see it.
12:07I'm going to call Daddy right now
12:09and tell him what a talented little girl he has.
12:12Poor Daryl.
12:14Stuck in that mean old office,
12:16missing all these little miracles.
12:20I work so hard all day,
12:22and when he gets home,
12:24I just hand over the baby and say,
12:26your turn.
12:28He's the nicest guy in the world,
12:30and I'm a wicked witch.
12:32Well, I'm going to make it up to him.
12:34I'm going to stay up with Zoe tonight
12:36so he can get the sleep he deserves.
12:38Hello?
12:40Is Daryl McPherson there?
12:42Oh, yeah, he's at the karaoke machine.
12:44Listen.
12:47Swingin' light
12:49Coming up next on PBS,
12:51Part 6 of
12:53Magna Carta,
12:55The Living Document.
12:57They're the hottest cops on the beach,
12:59fighting the bad guys with teamwork,
13:01technology,
13:03and rock-hard sexy abs.
13:05Gee, the orphans sure like their Christmas presents.
13:08They sure did.
13:10Hey, that surfer's in trouble.
13:17Ah!
13:23Daryl?
13:39Daryl, what are you watching?
13:41Nothing.
13:43I thought you said we weren't going to expose Zoe
13:46Trash?
13:48This is only the most popular program in the world,
13:50and it happens to teach some very important lessons.
13:52Maybe next time you won't go surfing
13:54at Dead Surfer Point.
13:56See?
13:58You are such a hypocrite.
14:00Mr. I-only-watch-PBS.
14:02I'm a perfect parent.
14:04I was bored.
14:06I get bored too, but I watch Sesame Street.
14:08I've seen the way you look at Bert.
14:10Gee, it must be really nice to make all these rules
14:12for me to follow while you goof off at work all day.
14:14Oh, please.
14:16No, no, you're right. We'll do it your way.
14:18No more rules.
14:20Hey, Zoe, good news.
14:22All that stuff about baths and vaccines
14:24and college funds, all gone.
14:26Too anal and uptight.
14:28We're just going to see what happens.
14:34Merry Christmas.
14:36Merry Christmas.
14:44Psst.
14:46Hey, kid.
14:48You waiting up for Santa Claus?
14:50Yeah, me too.
14:52Tonight, I'll get proof.
14:54Roger!
14:56Are you still up?
14:58Hey, listen.
15:00I heard you crying.
15:02Quality work.
15:04See, you drive Mom and Dad nuts,
15:06they pay attention.
15:08You're a good kid.
15:10You're a good kid.
15:13They pay attention.
15:15Just don't let up.
15:17They start to think it's easy,
15:19and pop, pop, you got a little sister
15:21and a little brother,
15:23and you're yesterday's whip piece.
15:25Come on, it's all right.
15:27Don't worry, shorty.
15:29You play your cards right.
15:31You stay a little child.
15:33Rodney! Go to bed!
15:35Now!
15:37Okay!
15:39Remember, don't make it easy.
15:42Oh!
15:48I don't know why she's so fussy tonight.
15:56Cranky, too.
15:58This is crazy.
16:00Want to try taking her for a drive?
16:02Hey, Charlie.
16:04You want to come in?
16:12Oh!
16:16Mom!
16:18When did you get in the car?
16:20That's a mirror, honey.
16:22Oh!
16:26Hey!
16:28Merry Christmas!
16:30Well, I'm sure most new parents
16:32are going through this.
16:42Dashing through the snow
16:44In a one-horse open sleigh
16:46O'er the fields we go
16:48Laughing all the way
16:54Daryl, she's asleep.
16:56I'll turn around at the next exit
16:58and we'll head home.
17:00Do we have to go back?
17:02I just can't face it right now.
17:04Fine with me.
17:06Jingle bells, jingle bells,
17:08Jingle all the way
17:11Jingle bells, jingle bells,
17:13Jingle all the way
17:19Well, this is straight out
17:21of Courier and Ives.
17:23Nothing says Christmas
17:25like diesel fumes and butt cracks.
17:27Oh, we'll make the next one better, Zoey.
17:29We promise.
17:31Hello there, Madge.
17:33Well, hey, stranger.
17:35Looks like I'm not the only one
17:37who had a long night.
17:40I guess we kind of missed out
17:42on Christmas this year.
17:44Oh, I don't know.
17:46New baby, long journey
17:48to a humble place.
17:50Sounds like the Christmas story
17:52to me.
17:54Merry Christmas, folks.
17:56Merry Christmas.
17:58See you, Madge.
18:00Don't you work too hard, Chris.
18:02Chris?
18:05Honk, honk.
18:11Here you go, sweetheart.
18:13You're giving her a french fry?
18:15Oh, right.
18:17We made some kind of rule
18:19about that, didn't we?
18:21Well, you know,
18:23we've broken every other rule.
18:25Yeah, may as well go
18:27for a perfect record.
18:29Oh, Daryl!
18:31Do you see that?
18:34You know, I think we've been worrying
18:36too much about the right way to raise her.
18:38Yeah, all she really needs is love
18:40and the occasional deep-fried snack.
18:42And maybe a little structure.
18:44Or not.
18:51When Zoe smiled,
18:53I think it was the best Christmas present
18:55I ever got.
18:57Me, too.
18:59Let's have another baby.
19:01I'm kidding! I'm kidding!
19:04I'm kidding!
19:06I'm kidding!