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Taskmaster NZ S05E09

Taskmaster NZ S05E10 >>> https://dai.ly/x955026

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00:00Hello.
00:01That's for the haters.
00:02Come here.
00:03Come here.
00:04Jiggle a little.
00:05See ya.
00:06You're on!
00:09Woohoo!
00:13That's for the haters.
00:16Come here.
00:17Come here.
00:18Jiggle a little.
00:19See ya.
00:20Oh!
00:21Yeah!
00:22Hi hi hi.
00:36Nau mai, haere mai and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:39My name's Jeremy Wells and I was installed in this job after the previous democratically
00:44elected host was overthrown in a bloody coup masterminded by the CIA.
00:50It's unfortunate things got to that point but I think we can all agree it was for the
00:54best because now I am the Taskmaster.
00:58We are gathered here tonight to see five as yet uncancelled New Zealand comedians battle
01:08it out to win this, the Taskmaster Trophy.
01:13The five comedians jostling for the win tonight are Abby Howells, Ben Hurley, Haley Sproul
01:24and Tom Sainsbury.
01:28Our fifth contestant Tofinga Fipulia'i as you may know is unable to join us in the studio
01:33this season but we have been keeping his seat warm with the bottoms of beloved Taskmaster
01:39alumni and joining us for Eps 9 and 10, the one and only Chris Parker.
01:51And as always, here to do all the dirty work so I can keep my hands clean like a deadpan
01:57dog poo bag, it's Paul Williams.
02:04Tell us about the prize task would you Paul?
02:06Today we've asked our contestants to bring in the thing that reminds them of themselves.
02:13Okay Chris, let's start with you.
02:14What did you bring in that reminds you of yourself?
02:16Well I'm not here as myself Jeremy, I'm actually here on behalf of Tofinga and so the best
02:22thing that reminded me of Tofinga is his entire line of merchandise.
02:26Oh wow.
02:27And I've just done him a sort of easy buy style catalogue photo shoot there.
02:34So the tote bag, the t-shirt, the hat and there's a hoodie as well, there we go.
02:39Your head looks a bit like an eel when it comes out of a cave, you know it's like.
02:46I know what you mean.
02:47Honestly I didn't think a hoodie could be unflattering but somehow it is.
02:52Tom, what did you bring in that reminds you of you?
02:55Well let's just look at it.
03:01You know, I think I'm just good at a party.
03:05I tend to go red.
03:08Aren't you vegan?
03:09I, yeah I am.
03:13Okay Abby, what did you bring in that reminds you of you?
03:16I brought in a haunted doll.
03:19Yep.
03:20Wow.
03:21Her name is Daphne and the thing about Daphne is she is haunted.
03:27I went over Daphne with my beloved Hector Ray and she is full of spirit and that thing
03:34is 100% accurate all the time.
03:36Wow.
03:37So I think at the worst Daphne is a bit disconcerting but at the best she could be a
03:43wonderful companion.
03:47No further questions Your Honour.
03:49I'm shocked her name is Daphne because I like your outfit and it reminds me of Daphne from
03:54Scooby Doo.
03:55Oh yeah.
03:56Thank you so much.
03:57Yes that was absolutely on purpose.
03:59It's like watching preschoolers talk at the sandpit though so.
04:04Ben.
04:05Well I thought I might go a little bit more wholesome because when I think of the thing
04:10that reminds me most of me it's my children.
04:13Oh.
04:14Yeah.
04:15But I can't give away my children.
04:17Well you can, it's just a long legal process.
04:20Yeah okay, let's do that.
04:24I've got two beautiful daughters.
04:26A lot of people say they look like me but I don't really see the resemblance.
04:34So you said obviously you couldn't give your kids away.
04:38You do realise how the show works?
04:40Yeah yeah Hailey convinced me we're going to do it.
04:43Okay.
04:44Oh I don't want them.
04:45Better throw the f*** up then.
04:49I will raise your children Ben.
04:52Oh God.
04:53Hailey, what did you bring in?
04:56Hello Jeremy.
04:57So there's a very popular board game and on the front of the original box I'm pretty sure
05:04it's me.
05:06So if we, this is Settlers of Caton and if you look up close, that's me.
05:14Wow.
05:15Also Hailey, a lot of nerds watch this show, it's Settlers of Catan.
05:20Catan?
05:21Catan yeah.
05:22Catan.
05:23C-A-T-A-N, it's Catan.
05:24No Catan.
05:25I just love the smirk, why's she smirking so?
05:26Because she's like, look over there.
05:35Is the other Settler of Catan checking out your breasts or am I imagining it?
05:39It would have two T's if it was Catan.
05:42It's Catan, don't be silly.
05:45I do think that yeah, the little friend is having a gaze at my rack and good for him
05:50you know.
05:51Okay.
05:52Tom, I'm going to give you one point because, I see what you mean with the Cheerio but to
05:57me you're more like an old English devil sausage.
05:59Fair call.
06:02Two points for Ben, I'll go three points for Hailey and four points for the merch for
06:11Tefinga and five points because that doll is freakily like you.
06:21Everyone's warmed up, should we get on with the task?
06:23Of course.
06:24Here's the whole task.
06:33There you are.
06:34There you are.
06:35Here I am.
06:36Hello Paul.
06:37Hello Abbey.
06:38You're so cordial.
06:39What's happening Bella?
06:40Just another task.
06:41Another one?
06:42Yeah.
06:43There's two here.
06:44Yeah.
06:45This one's got a hole in it.
06:46Yeah, I got a hole in one.
06:47I got a hole in one.
06:48Oh.
06:49So that's just there for that joke?
06:50Yeah.
06:51Okay, it was worth it.
06:52I sort of like the challenge of this one.
06:53Okay, that was a dumb idea.
06:58Okay.
06:59Get a hole in one from the furthest distance, the ball can be any ball.
07:12The hole can be any hole.
07:14Furthest distance wins.
07:15You have 20 minutes or until you get hole in one.
07:19Your time starts now.
07:21What would you do in this situation?
07:23Get a hole-in-one from...
07:25A far distance?
07:26Yeah.
07:27APPLAUSE
07:30This seems pretty simple.
07:32Extremely simple.
07:33Get a hole-in-one from as far away as possible.
07:36All right, should we get into it?
07:37It's a par-three.
07:38It's Hayley, Tofinga and Tong.
07:41Frithers Tong.
07:43Let's see if I can get him that par-three.
07:45OK.
07:46Any hole is a goal.
07:47Is that the phrase?
07:49I'm not sure.
07:50I feel like, technically, that's a hole.
07:52I mean, that's up for debate.
07:54We've got a whole bunch of balls here.
07:57I'm going to make a hole using this tent.
08:00So what I'm thinking is that I will tape one of these
08:05onto the frisbee.
08:06There we go, there's the ball.
08:07That's good, you stand there.
08:09You'll move if it's going to hit you in the face.
08:11OK.
08:12Ready, Paul?
08:13Yeah.
08:17Yes!
08:20Oh, Paul, sorry.
08:21OK, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
08:23I'm not very athletic, so excuse me, New Zealand.
08:29I think the ball might be causing wind lag.
08:31I'll just see if I can just do this without.
08:34Oh, my God, I'm giving up!
08:39I was hoping it would bounce off you and...
08:41Oh.
08:42We're going to use the clubs.
08:43Hopefully my dad's not watching.
08:44He will be, he loves this show.
08:51Good catch.
08:52Crouch down and put it on the ground.
08:54Like, I could bowl it.
08:59Oh.
09:02Damn it, that was so close!
09:04That was good, that's the technique.
09:09Yes!
09:14Oh, behind!
09:20Stay where you are, stay where you are.
09:25Isa!
09:32Stay where you are.
09:3317 metres, 92.
09:3617.
09:3717, teen.
09:39Yep, 17.
09:4117 metres, 92.
09:4392!
09:49Tom, I have never heard that phrase, any holes a goal.
09:52What does that mean?
09:53I just think when you play a lot of sport like I do,
09:56you're like, you know, there's two goals in the end,
09:58you know, if you get it in, it's a success.
10:01I believe, I don't know.
10:02Doesn't matter what team you're playing for.
10:04Yeah.
10:06Yeah, and sometimes you have to get an own goal.
10:10And sometimes you've never played sport before.
10:14Hayley, I thought it was quite interesting that you had to tell Paul
10:17that if the ball was going to hit him in the face,
10:19that he was going to have to move.
10:21He's a simple man, you know what I mean?
10:23And we're far along enough now that we know that with Paul.
10:26Meanwhile, Chris, I see Tuffinger just laughed when he hit Paul with the ball.
10:31Yeah, he's got to teach him a lesson and get his face out of that damn iPad.
10:35Look up, you know.
10:37You've had enough screen time.
10:38Exactly.
10:39We've heard the word Issa a lot, actually, in this series.
10:43Issa.
10:43And this was interesting because there was Issa when the ball just missed, Chris,
10:48and then there was an Issa when the ball went in.
10:50Yeah.
10:50Is anyone aware, we know what Issa means? Anyone?
10:53I mean, you know, have a look at the panel. Probably not.
10:58It's going to play out either way, but the worst version is we guess.
11:04So, Hayley, 12 metres 67.
11:08Tuffinger, 17 metres 92.
11:11Tom, 25 metres 74.
11:13Ooh, that's good.
11:14Ooh, OK.
11:15Coming up after the break,
11:17we'll have two more of the least impressive holes in one you'll ever see in your life.
11:23We'll see you then.
11:34Welcome back to Taskmaster.
11:35Where are we, Paul?
11:36Our contestants were tasked with getting a hole in one
11:39with whatever ball and whatever hole they chose.
11:42Furthest hole in one wins.
11:45Up next, it's Abbey Holes and Ben Holey.
11:49OK, any hole.
11:51Can I dig a hole?
11:52Any hole.
11:53Any hole.
11:54All right, Paul, do you want to play a little game?
11:56Come with me.
11:57You ready?
11:57Yeah.
12:04LAUGHTER
12:06How impressive.
12:07Do you like this little manoeuvre I'm doing with the shovel?
12:10Yeah. Is that saving you energy?
12:11No, it just sort of suggests that I'm in charge.
12:14LAUGHTER
12:17I hope you get your bond back on this Airbnb you've got here.
12:19LAUGHTER
12:23Bam.
12:24No! Oh, shoot!
12:25Stop the clock.
12:26Oh, no!
12:27That was just a practice.
12:2973 centimetres.
12:32Or do we count this as a hole?
12:34You could struggle to argue that it's not a hole.
12:37I'll use the power of my brain.
12:39That was just a test. That was just a test.
12:41OK, I'm back. I've got a second chance.
12:43I'm getting quite big with this hole.
12:45It looks like you're getting a nice, clean thing that I can just put back in there.
12:49Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do.
12:50Is this allowed?
12:51Yeah.
12:52God dang it.
12:54LAUGHTER
12:59Come to Hurley.
13:00Oh, look! It's a hole. It's a hole.
13:02What do you reckon, Paul? That's a hole.
13:05OK, there's a small patch of grass missing.
13:07Oh, I'm just gonna bask in real manual labour for a second.
13:12Four.
13:14Did you say four before you hit it?
13:15Yeah, to let everyone know that a pretty dangerous ball might be coming.
13:21OK, you ready, Paul?
13:22I'm ready.
13:23For a temtahi.
13:27It needs to be stronger.
13:28Four.
13:31Four.
13:34Have you lost it?
13:36Oh, Lord. Oh, no, there it is.
13:37Yeah. Is that a fetching duck?
13:39I feel like it was going for the ball.
13:41Yeah. It's not a pond.
13:43It's just a hole.
13:44Oh, my God, it's a hole!
13:45It's coming in my hole!
13:47Go away. Go away.
13:48Argh!
13:49Bowling ball? Yeah.
13:51Four.
13:54I went over it.
13:57Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
13:59Oh, no!
14:02OK, the thing about the hole is that it's...
14:05Very small and almost impossible to even see.
14:10Come on.
14:12Yep, yep, that's in, that's in, that's in, that's in!
14:15Stay where you are. OK.
14:17Four.
14:20Paul, would you think I was crazy if you said,
14:22could we go for a temtahuan?
14:23So now you're gonna argue that that is a hole?
14:26I was wrong to say that it wasn't.
14:28Argh!
14:32Wait, there was a camera in there, I think.
14:35Oh.
14:41The hole was so small
14:44that the editors had to put a circle around it
14:46so you could see it on the footage.
14:49No, I was sort of hoping you wouldn't show that one,
14:51to be honest.
14:53How far was Abby's hole in one?
14:55So, the current leader was Tom, with 25 metres 74.
14:59Yeah. Abby, 73 centimetres.
15:04That's the first manual labour that I've seen on Taskmaster in five seasons.
15:08This was the first task I did, and I thought,
15:10is this what the show is, just digging and chucking balls?
15:12I was like, I am in my element!
15:16How far was Ben's hole in one?
15:1929.3 metres.
15:21Yes. OK, so how are we gonna score that?
15:24That means one point for Abby, two points for Hayley,
15:28three points for Tofinga, four points for Tom,
15:30and five points for Ben Hurley.
15:32Thank you. Very good from Tom.
15:35Good, Tom.
15:37All right, what's happening on the scoreboard then, Paul?
15:39It's a two-way tie, both on seven points. It's Ben and Tofinga.
15:46All right, Paul, can you hit me with another task, please?
15:48Sure thing, Jeremy. It's time for another teen task,
15:51and this one is a task masterpiece.
16:00Here we come. Here comes the dream team.
16:03Hey, Paul. Is it left... Is it opposite, do you think?
16:07Do you think it's this? No, Drew.
16:09LAUGHTER
16:13Let's see what we've got.
16:15Bring a classic artwork to life. Oh.
16:18Best living artwork wins. You have 30 minutes to prepare your artwork.
16:22It must be alive for at least 30 seconds.
16:24Your time starts now.
16:26We don't want to do, um...
16:28Oh, God. At least you wanted to take your clothes off.
16:31You should do that one.
16:33All right, Paul. You can say that too quickly and too enthusiastically.
16:36OK, sweet. We'll be back. We'll be back.
16:39SCREAMS
16:43Good to have the young ones running around for you.
16:46APPLAUSE
16:49Starting to get a bit worried about you,
16:51getting a little bit confident this season,
16:52telling our comedians to get naked.
16:54LAUGHTER
16:56Just thinking about ratings. LAUGHTER
16:59I'm ready to see some beautiful works of art come to life.
17:03Who's first, Paul?
17:04Taking on Da Vinci, it's Da Team of Three.
17:07LAUGHTER
17:08Hello, Toffinger. We're back.
17:10Very clever. OK.
17:12So, if you hold those in your thumb there.
17:16OK. OK. Start counting.
17:19OK. Two, one.
17:22LAUGHTER
17:24APPLAUSE
17:26Is this the painting alive?
17:28Yeah, this is the painting alive.
17:30It's quite similar to it, just still.
17:33Hi.
17:35She's breathing.
17:36She's breathing. Yeah.
17:39I'm breathing, Paul.
17:41Look how beautiful I am, Paul.
17:44Extremely beautiful Mona.
17:46I love you, Paul.
17:48Thank you, Mona.
17:50You can call me Lisa.
17:51She doesn't let a lot of people do that.
17:53Yeah, that's actually quite a big privilege, Paul.
17:55Just you, Paul.
17:57Is that the 30 seconds?
17:59It's been 30 seconds, yeah. OK.
18:01APPLAUSE
18:05The background was surprisingly accurate, actually, Tom.
18:09It was interesting, though, that you decided that she would be Toffinger,
18:13when you obviously have a female in your team.
18:15Yeah, I don't know. We just felt, you know...
18:18Toffinger likes to sit, you know, where you...
18:20LAUGHTER
18:24You know, play to your strengths in a team, right?
18:27Exactly, play to your strengths.
18:28And Toffinger has the kind of enigmaticness that is the Mona Lisa.
18:33Can we see your Mona Lisa, just to see?
18:35Yeah, see, that's not it.
18:37And yours? Yeah, there we go.
18:39No, I think you're right there. Yeah.
18:41Right, who have we got next, Paul?
18:43It's Salvador Haley and Salvador Hurley.
18:47I'm just trying to think about what I immediately remember.
18:49They look like they've had a tiff,
18:50but they're at a barbecue and they can't talk about it.
18:53Yeah, or they're just any marriage before 1960.
18:56Yeah. Yeah.
18:59LAUGHTER
19:02OK, your 30 seconds starts.
19:05Three, two, one.
19:09We'll talk about what happened when we got home.
19:12I knew I was going to get it.
19:14It's the only thing you're going to be getting.
19:16Yeah, what's new?
19:20You can't touch me anymore.
19:24What are you going to do with that?
19:26Make some skewers, some chicken skewers?
19:28Stupid man.
19:30Chicken skewers sound good. Shut up.
19:33You always undercook them.
19:35We get a sore tummy.
19:40Really good. We did it.
19:42And honestly, if your hair does thin...
19:45Yeah? ..I think you're going to be all right.
19:47I think you're going to be OK.
19:49Great.
19:54What happened to that bald wig?
19:55Cos I'm sure there's a bald wig hanging around the taskmaster.
19:58It definitely is.
19:59I popped into the make-up room to just get a low bun
20:01and I came out of here and already cut a soccer ball in half.
20:05And I knew where the bald cap was.
20:07I just was like, he's gone too far, so we'll just...
20:09It's so crazy how your head fit in it so perfectly.
20:13It was very concerning for me at the time.
20:15Did it look comfy?
20:16It was quite comfy, yeah.
20:18It's quite cushy on the inside.
20:19I want to go in there.
20:21It was quite nice. Any holes a go.
20:23Any holes a go.
20:25OK, I need to score this.
20:27I thought the Mona Lisa was fantastic.
20:30Three points for Tom, Abby and Tefinga.
20:33But I thought American Gothic was particularly good.
20:36Five points for Ben and Kay.
20:41All right, that's enough art.
20:42It's time for us to enjoy what artists end up doing
20:45when they've run out of money in the artless hellscape
20:48that we call a society.
20:50We'll see you after these ads.
20:52APPLAUSE
21:05Hawke and Maia, welcome back to Taskmaster,
21:07the show where the losers get haunted by their failures
21:10and the winner gets haunted by Abby's creepy doll.
21:14Paul, it's time for another task, I believe.
21:16Actually, I feel like it's getting kind of late
21:19and I kind of need to go to bed.
21:21LAUGHTER
21:33Hello. Oh, it's just me in here, is it?
21:35Hello.
21:38Oh! Oh!
21:40It's just the door closing.
21:42Calm down, Hayme.
21:44I'm cool.
21:45Scare Paul at bedtime.
21:47Scariest bedtime wins.
21:50Paul will arrive to go to bed in 20 minutes.
21:54Your time starts now.
21:57Scare Paul at bedtime.
21:59This is great cos I'm naturally creepy, I think.
22:03Bedtime routine. Wash face, brush hair.
22:05De-slipper and then respect the taskmaster. OK.
22:09Journal 30 seconds.
22:11Bed.
22:12Reads for 30 seconds and then lights out.
22:16HE GIGGLES
22:18I wish I could do that again.
22:20Paul's diary, keep out.
22:22I'll be respectful of that because one time my sister stole my diary
22:27and read it at a sleepover with all her friends.
22:29I don't think about that either.
22:31Things I get really scared of. Failure, sharks.
22:34Getting older and the unknown.
22:37APPLAUSE
22:39Oh, no, she already passed me.
22:43Do you want to talk about that time when your sister stole your diary
22:46and then read it at a sleepover with her friends?
22:48Yeah, I don't know why I said that.
22:50Because it's true.
22:53What was in your diary?
22:55I've got the diary here and I'll read it out.
22:58I think it's mainly about how I was in love with
23:00former American Idol contestant Clay Aitken.
23:04I don't know if I remember his name.
23:06So was I.
23:08Shall we see who spooks you first, Paul?
23:10Up first, it's Tom Sainsbury.
23:16WATER SPLASHES
23:26THUD
23:28LAUGHTER
23:42SLURPS
23:46SLURPS
23:50SLURPS
23:55Bwah!
23:59SLURPS
24:04Goodnight.
24:06Thank you, Tom. Have a good sleep.
24:08APPLAUSE
24:12Quite scary. Was that a ghost or a ghoul?
24:15What was that exactly?
24:17That was a ghoul. It was.
24:19There was also a mannequin in the bed,
24:21but that didn't seem to scare you so much.
24:23In fact, he was excited.
24:25Yeah. He sort of started suckling on it.
24:27It was odd.
24:29OK, who's next?
24:31Up next, she's incredibly scary.
24:33It's Arby Howells.
24:40Is that Paul?
24:42Yeah.
24:45Because you look so old.
24:52Well, you're not looking too good yourself.
25:04OK, I'll be back.
25:06Like tonight or like another night?
25:08You don't know. Cos I don't know.
25:10I don't know what my schedule's going to be yet.
25:12OK, just at some point.
25:14When I've worked out my schedule.
25:24Yeah, the old torch under the chin,
25:26classic scary look.
25:28Classic. I channelled all my energy into the look
25:30and once I got under the bed I was like,
25:32I don't know.
25:34I don't know.
25:36She looks so much like Daphne.
25:38You look like Daphne.
25:40You've got the eyelashes, the hair and the little red lipstick.
25:43I'll tell you what,
25:45there's something about a ghost with a busy schedule.
25:47Yeah.
25:49Probably means you're a good ghost.
25:51Many people have wronged me
25:53and I must make them pay.
25:55OK, show me another one please, Paul.
25:57This guy is also really scary.
25:59It's Torfinga.
26:01Ah!
26:11Wake up, Paul!
26:13Wake up!
26:15I'm awake.
26:17I was scared you were in the cupboard
26:19when it fell.
26:21It's nice of you to think that I could
26:23fit in the cupboard.
26:25Have a good sleep.
26:31I did not see that coming.
26:33The fear was understandable there.
26:35It was health and safety based.
26:37Did you see how close the wardrobe came?
26:39I came out of the closet in a similar way.
26:41You just tore it down.
26:43Slammed your way out.
26:45Far out.
26:47I was incredibly scared, obviously a big fright
26:49but also I was scared for his safety.
26:51I thought he was in it and it had just fallen.
26:56Anyway, let's see another one.
26:58Now it's time for a woman who's so spooky
27:00she's named after the spookiest night of the year.
27:02It's Hayley Ween.
27:10I cast a freezing spell on you.
27:16Is it frozen?
27:20My...
27:31I actually don't know how you're doing that.
27:33Shut up.
27:35This bed's not super sturdy.
27:37I would stop moving it
27:39if you are under there.
27:41Who says not in the wardrobe?
27:43Why don't you go and look?
27:45You've tied me to the bed.
28:01Ah!
28:05Were you scared, Paul?
28:07Yeah, that was genuinely quite scary.
28:13I think when all else fails
28:15it's always just screaming at the top of your lungs in the dark.
28:17I'd actually sort of done a bit of everything
28:19and it was all failing.
28:21Like I'd put this Bluetooth speaker in the wardrobe
28:23and then I was under the bed
28:25and it had disconnected and I was like, dammit.
28:27And I was kind of bamboozled.
28:29She was like, why don't you go look in the wardrobe?
28:31Just a Bluetooth speaker.
28:35Playing nothing.
28:37It wasn't connected to anything.
28:39But the lassoing was expert.
28:41That was superb.
28:43I was a teenage witch so I know how to spook people.
28:45That's very high level.
28:49Now it's time for the real stuff of nightmares, ads.
28:51We'll be back with more Taskmaster after this.
28:59Welcome back to Taskmaster.
29:01We're five comedians who are giving Paul Williams frights
29:03in the hopes of winning their own human children.
29:05Is that about right, Paul?
29:07Yes.
29:09Our contestants are competing to give me the scariest bedtime.
29:11Now it's Ben time.
29:13Now it's Ben time.
29:15Now it's Ben time.
29:17Now it's Ben time.
29:19Now it's Ben time.
29:21Now it's Ben time.
29:23Now it's Ben time.
29:25Now it's Ben time.
29:27Now it's Ben time.
29:29Now it's Ben time.
29:31Now it's Ben time.
29:33Now it's Ben time.
29:35Now it's Ben time.
29:37Now it's Ben time.
29:39Now it's Ben time.
29:41Now it's Ben time.
29:43Now it's Ben time.
29:45Now it's Ben time.
29:47Now it's Ben time.
29:49Now it's Ben time.
29:51Now it's Ben time.
29:53Now it's Ben time.
29:55What do you want to do with your life in the next 45 minutes?
29:57What do you want to do with your life in the next 45 minutes?
29:59Your time starts now.
30:03I just want to go to bed.
30:05Wasting it.
30:07Wasting it. Once again.
30:15Oh my god.
30:17I can't imagine anything scarier than going to sleep with a picture of Ben Hurley beside me.
30:19I can't imagine anything scarier than going to sleep with a picture of Ben Hurley beside me.
30:21Okay, so the scary thing was that he would turn into you.
30:23Okay, so the scary thing was that he would turn into you.
30:27Was that scary?
30:29No, I'd be stoked if I grew up to be Ben.
30:31No, I'd be stoked if I grew up to be Ben.
30:33Thanks.
30:35Grew up.
30:37How do you want to score it?
30:39I will go Ben one point.
30:41It wasn't particularly freaky.
30:43I think two points for Tom.
30:45I think two points for Tom.
30:47Even though there was a jump scare in there.
30:49I thought Toffinger probably deserved three points.
30:51I thought Toffinger probably deserved three points.
30:53Because there was only the one, but that was quite freaky with the wardrobe falling over.
30:55Because there was only the one, but that was quite freaky with the wardrobe falling over.
30:57Abby was kind of herself and that was quite freaky, so four.
30:59Abby was kind of herself and that was quite freaky, so four.
31:03And five for Hayley.
31:07Lovely.
31:09Alright Paul, what have you got in store for us now?
31:11Alright Paul, what have you got in store for us now?
31:13Nothing.
31:15This is just two strangers in the park.
31:21Oh God.
31:23Oh God.
31:25Hi.
31:29It's quite a long walk, isn't it?
31:31Hello Paul.
31:33I don't know you.
31:35I get what this is.
31:37Spy stuff.
31:39Yep.
31:45They said alright.
31:47This is a bomb, I'll be very upset.
31:49Oh no.
32:01I'm going to get my double chins.
32:11During the studio record, tell an anecdote that makes the audience go,
32:15Aww.
32:17The anecdote cannot be true.
32:19During the studio record,
32:21be extremely curious about
32:23Ben Hurley's
32:25skincare routine
32:27at least twice.
32:29During the studio record,
32:31confident...
32:33I was going to say confidentially.
32:35Confidently.
32:37Mispronounce three different English words.
32:39During the studio record,
32:41passionately promote a fictional product.
32:43During the studio record,
32:45give the contestant seated to your left
32:47the nickname Mustardines.
32:49You must refer to him by the nickname
32:51at least three times.
32:53No one can know it is a task.
32:55Most seamless integration wins.
32:57Even till episode nine.
32:59Your time starts now.
33:01Your time starts now.
33:03Your time starts now.
33:05I can do that, I can do that on a dime.
33:07Any questions?
33:09What's your code name?
33:11Black cat.
33:13They call me the serpent.
33:15Oh well now mine sounds lame.
33:17Oh wow.
33:21Well that explains some but not all
33:23of the very strange behaviour
33:25which has been taking place
33:27on the stage over the past nine shows.
33:29Should we see who
33:31managed to pull off their secret mission?
33:33First off, calling the person to his
33:35left mustard hands, here's
33:37Ben Hurley.
33:39Let me smell yours.
33:41Good luck Abby.
33:43Yours smell like mustard.
33:45Now you're going to have
33:47mustard hands.
33:49Excuse me, can you let me focus?
33:51Excuse me, I'm talking
33:53to mustard hands here.
33:55So Hayley's chosen a sort of
33:57black leather loafer with a buckle.
33:59Classic mustard hands work.
34:01Yours had so many bits of
34:03like food in it, might as well put
34:05ketchup in there, mustard,
34:07mustard hands.
34:09Wow
34:11Ben that was amazing.
34:15I totally thought that was just
34:17some bizarre hurley.
34:19Same. I've never heard
34:21of that before, mustard hands.
34:23I feel this whole time I've been lied
34:25to by you. We used to be friends.
34:27He had another task where he had to pretend to be excited
34:29to see me. It's all a lie.
34:31You must have
34:33been quite stoked though because that was part
34:35of your mission but you were getting good laughs
34:37for the mustard hands line. I know.
34:39This audience is a lot tougher.
34:43Alright, who's next? Passionately
34:45promoting her fictional product,
34:47here's Abby Howells.
34:49Oh my god her tattoos are so
34:51problematic.
34:53She's just best from
34:55far away I think, even though she's
34:57a lovely beautiful lady printed with
34:59sexy ink.
35:01It's sexy ink baby, it's the best.
35:03Okay
35:05so the fictional company?
35:07Yeah, sexy ink.
35:09I also did another one today.
35:11Ecto-ray.
35:13I used my
35:15ecto-ray to measure
35:17the level of spirit in the doll.
35:19And all of you
35:21just accepted it as some of the
35:23weird stuff that I would say
35:25naturally.
35:27That's good.
35:29Okay, what about Tom?
35:31Making the audience go
35:33aww about an anecdote that never
35:35happened, it's Tom Sainsbury.
35:37You might not realise it but I've actually got a very very
35:39big head.
35:41And I
35:43haven't been able to find a hat that
35:45fits.
35:49And then I found this
35:51hat and it was the first one that
35:53fit my head.
35:55And I left it behind in a taxi
35:57coming home from somewhere in Newmarket
35:59getting one too many mudslides.
36:03Sorry.
36:07They always say
36:09with liars like, don't put in too many
36:11needless details and I think I failed on that
36:13you know, why did it need to be about mudslides
36:15from somewhere in Newmarket
36:17but you know what, I think I sold it.
36:19Oh, the amazing part
36:21is that I saw tears
36:23start to well up and I thought
36:25well this really is a moment for Tom.
36:27Yeah, that fictional fedora
36:29meant a lot to fictional Tom.
36:31Okay, what about Te Finga? Te Finga was
36:33unfortunately unable to
36:35comment on Ben's skincare routine.
36:37Luckily, we had some friends help
36:39him out. And can I say when you're
36:41real angry Ben, something happens
36:43to your skin that just really glows?
36:45Hey,
36:47I don't know what moisturiser you're using but you look great.
36:49Ben, can I just say
36:51when the light hit your face, absolute
36:53delightful skin, what's your skincare
36:55routine? It's good, eh?
36:57Yeah, what is your routine?
36:59Water.
37:01Our contestants are making soap
37:03using unique and inventive
37:05ingredients like soap.
37:07Wait, Ben, what's your
37:09skincare routine?
37:11Actually, this is a lot of pink fat.
37:17Oh, that was very good.
37:19Bubba going twice in a row there almost within
37:21about five minutes, that was gutsy.
37:23Then she said she was going to become a stripper
37:25and I thought, oh, people are hitting on me again.
37:27Okay, what
37:29about Hayley? Finally, confidently
37:31mispronouncing three words,
37:33here's Hayley Sproul.
37:35Stay tuned for tickets for our
37:37performance of Little Shop of Horrors.
37:39I absolutely can't wait for that.
37:41You've never been
37:43through childbirth, have you?
37:45I've never been through childbirth,
37:47no. Oh, right. No, I haven't.
37:49No, I mean, I have.
37:51This is Settlers of Caton
37:53and if you look up
37:55close, that's me.
37:57Wow.
37:59Also, Hayley,
38:01a lot of nerds watch this show.
38:03It's Settlers of Catan.
38:09I don't
38:11come across as the most likeable in those
38:13clips.
38:15Real nitpicker.
38:17You're going to really love watching this show, Ben.
38:19Hayley caught me two out of my three times.
38:21An absolute pedant. How insufferable.
38:23I'm actually
38:25in with her now.
38:29I was so nervous about
38:31doing that one today because it's so
38:33embarrassing to call Settlers of Catan
38:35Settlers of Caton.
38:39Am I going to have to judge everybody? This is impossible.
38:41So everybody did their task?
38:43Essentially, yeah.
38:45Five points
38:47everyone.
38:51Very good.
38:53Yeah, that's right. Slap those mustard
38:55hands together.
38:57Now it's time for a secret
38:59mission for you at home. Watch all
39:01these ads and let them influence
39:03your consumer choices in the future.
39:05We'll be back after this.
39:15No mai,
39:19hoki mai. Welcome back to Taskmaster.
39:21We're about to embark on a live
39:23task and award one New Zealand
39:25comedian one of the worst
39:27prize packs ever offered
39:29on television. Excuse me. But first,
39:31can we get a
39:33lay of the land score-wise?
39:35Please, Paul. Yes, Jeremy. You've actually
39:37just really insulted Ben Hurley's kids.
39:41And my doll.
39:43And my little
39:45sausage.
39:51Okay, it's unbelievably
39:53tight. We've got three people on 18
39:55but in first with 20 points, it's
39:57Hayley Sproul.
39:59Alright, can I have that right tonight?
40:01Everyone please get up to the stage for the
40:03live task.
40:09So how's this going to work, Paul? Ben Hurley,
40:11can you please read this task?
40:13Oh, sure. Do you want me to hold it?
40:15Yeah, that'd be great.
40:17Okay.
40:19For two minutes, simultaneously
40:21eat spaghetti, keep your
40:23balloon off the ground, and
40:25participate in Paul's pub quiz
40:27all while being naturally photogenic.
40:31Your camera can go off at
40:33any point during the two minutes most
40:35photogenic photo wins.
40:37Oh my god. Most correct
40:39answers receives two bonus
40:41points. Most spaghetti eaten
40:43gets a bonus point.
40:45If your balloon hits the ground, you
40:47lose a point. Your time starts on
40:49Paul's whistle. What on
40:51earth? Here's my
40:53worst fear. It catches
40:55me throwing up.
40:57Are you allergic to spaghetti?
40:59No, I'm allergic to your bullshit.
41:01Oh!
41:05On my whistle.
41:15What is the name
41:17of the river that flows through Rome?
41:19Tiber. Correct,
41:21Ben. How many times
41:23have Italy won the FIFA World Cup?
41:25Four times. Correct, Chris Parker.
41:27Oh my god. Balloon
41:29has hit the ground. What is
41:31the primary ingredient in
41:33risotto? Rice.
41:35Aburio rice.
41:37I'm giving it to Hayley.
41:39Hayley, correct. What animal
41:41native to China shares a name
41:43with an Italian car?
41:45Who said panda first? Me, Sainsbury.
41:47Tom Sainsbury.
41:49How many owls are in the
41:51word coliseum? Three!
41:53Four!
41:55Is someone saying four? Two!
41:57Correct, Tom.
41:59What is the Italian
42:01word for spaghetti? Spaghetti!
42:03Tom Sainsbury. Correct.
42:05What country does James Bond
42:07have a boat chasing in Russia
42:09with love? Russia!
42:11Copenhagen.
42:13Wellington. Well, Italy!
42:15Italy. Correct, Tom Sainsbury.
42:17What are the three ingredients in a margarita
42:19pizza? Tomato!
42:21Tomato!
42:23Cheese!
42:27Could you hear who got
42:29that last question right? Yeah, I think
42:31it was Hayley. Thank you.
42:33Okay, come on down
42:35and we'll see how these photos turned out.
42:41Thanks for shouting
42:43dinner, Jeremy. Pleasure.
42:45Warm enough for you? Just how I
42:47like it. Ten degrees.
42:49Yes, so Chris did like
42:51it. He ate the most spaghetti.
42:53No!
42:55Well done. Don't clap that.
42:57That is so embarrassing.
42:59So that's
43:01plus one for Chris.
43:03However, his balloon was the only
43:05balloon to touch the ground, so that's minus one
43:07for Chris. That's okay. And Tom
43:09gets plus two for the most trivia
43:11questions answered.
43:13Well done, Tom.
43:15Should we look at the photos?
43:17I can't wait to see these photos.
43:19Who are we going to start with? Here's
43:21Tom. Okay.
43:23Oh, okay.
43:25Oh, I like that I can see what
43:27you're eating.
43:29Okay, should we see Chris?
43:31No.
43:33I look really good.
43:35Look at my bone structure.
43:37Where are you?
43:39It was the moment where he was sort of coming
43:41towards the front of the stage to get his balloon.
43:43Or heat that
43:45pasta up for another serving of that.
43:47I'm expecting a lot
43:49from Hayley. She was working the lens.
43:51Hayley?
43:57You said it's Chris's picture.
43:59Well, there I am.
44:01Can I honestly say
44:03that is the worst photo of me to
44:05ever have had.
44:07Chris is not being judged on that. He's being judged
44:09on his one. Well, I am.
44:11I also was about
44:13to say that's an unflattering angle of my jawline,
44:15but if you just sort of look to the right
44:17it's actually okay.
44:19I got ya mate, I got ya.
44:21It's giving waist, it's giving boobs, it's great.
44:23There's a little bit of spaghetti sort of
44:25dripping through your cleavage there, which is
44:27beautiful. Sexy.
44:29Okay, Ben Hurley. Here's Ben Hurley.
44:33Wow.
44:35I'm trying to
44:37staunch the camera out.
44:39That's actually one of the best photos I've ever seen of you Ben,
44:41to be honest.
44:43Alright, let's see Abby last of all. Here's Abby.
44:47Oh my goodness.
44:49Stop it.
44:51Wow. Abby,
44:53come on.
44:55That's how the divas do it.
44:57Amazing.
44:59So how do you want to score it? Okay, well Chris
45:01is obviously one.
45:03He's not in there. Sorry Chris.
45:05That's fine. Hayley, two.
45:07Tom, three.
45:09Ben, four. And of course Abby,
45:11five. How could they not?
45:13Should we do
45:15a series score update?
45:17I'd love a
45:19series score update. With a two point
45:21lead, currently leading season
45:23five, it's Hayley Sproul.
45:25Two points.
45:27I'll take it.
45:29Alright.
45:31Let's focus on the now, Paul.
45:33Who was our episode nine winner?
45:35It was a nail biter, but with
45:3723 points, the winner of episode nine
45:39is Abby Howells.
45:41Congratulations Abby.
45:43You are now the proud owner of a bunch of
45:45stuff that reminds other comedians
45:47of themselves. Please head up to the stage
45:49and enjoy your bounty.
45:53Good night.
46:12Welcome to the grand finale
46:14of season five
46:16of Taskmaster.
46:18This is the episode
46:20that matters all.
46:22Where our winner is crowned.
46:24And where history
46:26is written.