Big Train - 204 [couchtripper][U]
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00:00And so, it may appear that the course of everyday events is random, and without design.
00:09But it is not so.
00:12Every experience we have, everything that happens to us, has purpose and meaning.
00:30Big train.
00:59I'll show you something to make you change your mind.
01:16Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you.
01:25Okay, I'd like to try a new song now.
01:36What's he doing? I've no idea.
01:38This one is one that I'm sure...
01:40Streets of London!
01:42Well, I've just done that one.
01:44So this is a new song which I'm sure...
01:45Streets of London!
01:46No, I've just done that one. I've just finished doing it.
01:49So this is a new song which I'm sure...
01:51Streets of London!
01:52You'll all enjoy. And this one's called...
01:54Streets of London!
01:55No, this song...
01:56What are you doing?
01:57Now, this song's called The Highwayman.
01:59What?
02:05What is this?
02:10Streets of London!
02:13Streets of London!
02:14Streets of London!
02:19No! No!
02:24Streets of London!
02:25Stop it!
02:34Streets of London!
02:42Of course I miss him. I miss her every single day.
02:48But when I think of the way that Jerry lost his wife,
02:53the way she died, it's just so sudden.
02:58Just horrible.
03:01Just coming to this group has really...
03:11My sister, my twin sister, was killed.
03:16It was just the sort of guilt, I think, of feeling like...
03:36Look at that!
03:38The find of the day!
03:40Oh, my goodness. Where's the brush?
03:42I'm going to take this out really gently, but it's very intact.
03:46Look at that. Look at that!
03:50Hello. That's Roman, probably 2nd century AD.
03:53Now, this is something that would probably have belonged to a noble woman,
03:56probably a general's wife or something.
03:58That's mine. That's mine, actually.
04:00I dropped that one earlier.
04:02It's yours? Yeah.
04:03But it was under...
04:04No, it's definitely mine, because of the snake thing.
04:08Can I have it? Right, yeah. Sorry, I didn't realise.
04:11Just get on with your digging. OK.
04:16Electronics functional.
04:18Biomechanical system's working perfectly.
04:21OK.
04:23Time to wake up, John.
04:25Yes, wake up.
04:28You're the future of law enforcement.
04:30What's going on?
04:33You've been chosen, John.
04:35You are the future of law enforcement.
04:38You... You put me in a cardboard box?
04:41Yes. It's fantastic, isn't it?
04:44Why?
04:46Why put me in a cardboard box?
04:48Don't get upset, John.
04:50You'll blow one of your electric neurotransmitters.
04:52Yeah.
04:53What am I supposed to do?
04:55Get out there!
04:56Get out there and enforce the law, future cop.
05:03OK.
05:15Nice work, John. Yes, brilliant.
05:21Quick, John!
05:22Fire!
05:24SIREN BLARES
05:26RADIO CHATTER
05:387891, wheel back up!
05:46SIREN BLARES
05:50Is your man ready? He's ready.
05:52Just you watch, Chief. Just you watch.
05:56LAUGHTER
06:01I hope he's good.
06:19LAUGHTER
06:27This is the strongest there is.
06:29It does paper and wood and metal,
06:31and it's completely waterproof,
06:33and it's basically top of the product range in this area.
06:37I was told you had something...
06:40a little stronger.
06:44Sorry?
06:45I was told you had something a little...
06:48stronger.
06:50No. No, this is the strongest.
06:54You know what I mean.
06:58I don't know what you mean.
07:00Honestly, this is the strongest glue on the market.
07:05Come on.
07:06Do you know what I'm talking about?
07:10I don't know what you're talking about.
07:12LAUGHTER
07:20Oh, Christ, it's me.
07:22LAUGHTER
07:31Are you the fellow that wanted the extra strong glue?
07:33That's right, yes.
07:35Well, I'm sure as young Harvey told you,
07:37this is the strongest glue on the market.
07:39They won't find any elsewhere.
07:41Come on.
07:43I'm telling you, there's nothing stronger than that.
07:47Come on.
07:55Come with me.
08:11Sit yourself down.
08:33I hope you know what you're getting yourself into.
08:36Do you mind if I ask who told you about us?
08:38You don't need to know that.
08:40Was it John King?
08:42Former manager of Tremie Rovers?
08:44Yes.
08:46Right, then.
08:54At last.
08:56Sticko Extra.
08:59I never thought that I would see this.
09:02Listen, you don't have to answer this,
09:05but we've been using it on animals or people.
09:11Ah!
09:16Dr Offenbach?
09:18I am his nephew.
09:22Pleasure to meet you, sir.
09:24LAUGHTER
09:26LAUGHTER
09:40Um, punch blocker, please.
09:48Right, very good.
09:50Yeah!
09:52Go on.
09:54Oh, yeah!
09:56Hiya.
09:58LAUGHTER
10:02CHEERING
10:12LAUGHTER
10:22How about Tuesday?
10:24Um, no, I can't.
10:26There's been a terrible outbreak of cholera in Delhi.
10:30I had better get along and check it out.
10:32What about Wednesday, then?
10:34Um, no, Wednesday is the flood in Bangladesh.
10:39Oh, it's a fucking disaster.
10:41Thursday?
10:43Um, no, no, no, I'm doing a malaria thing for comic relief.
10:48But to tell you the truth, I think next week is out entirely.
10:52I mean, I really like the sound of paint falling.
10:56Um, maybe at the end of the month, when I come back from Rome.
11:02Yeah, OK.
11:04OK, well, don't stay out in the sun too long, you might shrivel up.
11:07Oh, I'm shriveled up already.
11:09Even more than you are already.
11:11Well, I'll just write a few things in my file of facts and I'll be in right away.
11:15All right, bye, see you later.
11:17All right. Now, let's see.
11:21Oh, my God, Rick. Rick!
11:23What is it? What...
11:25Oh, my God!
11:27Don't worry, don't worry, boys. Calm down, this has happened before.
11:31You just put me in water.
11:34It's no problem, boys, I've just absorbed a bit too much water.
11:37I'll just stay out here in the sun, I'll be fine.
11:44How would you deal with this situation?
11:46He's confused, he's afraid.
11:48Sometimes desperate people can do desperate things.
11:51Some tourists don't even speak English.
11:54Does he want to visit the Crown Jewels or buy a postcard from the souvenir shop?
11:58Maybe he wants to know why there aren't any ravens today.
12:01What would you do?
12:05Well done. He just wanted to use the toilet.
12:08With beefeaters, you got what it takes.
12:16There we go.
12:18Look at that.
12:21Hello, soldier. That's a centurion's helmet.
12:24It's about 800 years ago.
12:26Did you find that just tucked down into the soil just there?
12:29It was there.
12:31I think that might be my helmet.
12:33But it was buried.
12:35I could tell if I could get my arm around it.
12:38What I would normally do is I would wear it like that.
12:42Yeah.
12:44And the snake would go...
12:46Go on the back.
12:49It does suit you.
12:51Anyway, it was buried, so it must have got covered up.
12:55I'm going to remove all the topsoil from over here.
12:58Let's start a new grid.
13:00It's my digger.
13:02You could do digging down here.
13:04That's your digger?
13:06It's mine, yes.
13:09All I can say, Colin, is we're looking forward to having you work with us.
13:13Yes, it was an excellent interview. You've got a very impressive CV.
13:17We were left with little or no choice, to tell you the truth.
13:20I'm thrilled. When I saw the job advertised three years ago,
13:23I was gutted because I'd already taken up the position in Dubai.
13:26Well, it's all worked out.
13:28Can I just say thank you so much?
13:30I suppose we should mention the...
13:32The strings, yeah?
13:34Yeah, shouldn't be a problem. We can work around them.
13:37You mustn't be embarrassed about mentioning the strings.
13:40Is it all right if we...
13:42No, go ahead.
13:44Ah, that's very interesting, isn't it?
13:47Yes, cool.
13:49I suppose they'll be the Thunderbird type strings, won't they?
13:52Basically, yes, but I'm not a puppet.
13:58Oh, about my pension plan.
14:01Oh, about my pension plan.
14:03I hope there aren't any strings attached.
14:10Sorry to bring it up again. Are they very restricting?
14:13Well, I have trouble going through doorways
14:16and have to be completely disassembled to go from one room to the next.
14:19That's why I arrived in a box and you had to put all the bits of me together.
14:23I wonder what that was about when you came in.
14:25Well, Colin, we'll see you next week.
14:27And, well, great to have you on board.
14:29Oh, I meant to ask you, is that your convertible up there?
14:32Open top, yeah. I have trouble with...
14:34Of course, yeah. And what about the old... How's your father? What about sex?
14:38Prefer it on top.
14:48We say, you know, if you're talented, that's all what counts.
14:51That's enough for us.
14:53Ah, there's Jenny.
14:55This is Jenny Hill. She's a glove puppet.
14:57You'll be working closely with her. Hello.
14:59Very much a hands-on fashion.
15:01More like hands-in fashion.
15:03Ahoy!
15:11Yes, it's really very nice.
15:13The material on the dress is in very good condition,
15:17as is the hair.
15:19Some lovely lacework here.
15:21How long have you had it?
15:23How long have you had it?
15:25I've had it about 60 years, since I was a little girl.
15:28That long? Really?
15:31I know it's rather impolite to ask a lady her age,
15:35but how old are you?
15:37I'm 67.
15:39Gosh, really? That's amazing.
15:42I thought you were in your late 20s.
15:46Such a pretty little thing.
15:48So, value.
15:50Now, how much do you think it's worth?
15:53Well, I really don't know.
15:55Well, I would say this is probably worth
15:59around £10 million.
16:05Really? I had no idea.
16:08It's good, isn't it?
16:12Would you, er... Would you mind if I...?
16:18Gerald, come on. Back to the antiques.
16:23Yes, mate, where are you going?
16:25Camden, please. Camden, £15. OK.
16:27Dave? Yeah.
16:29Can you take these to the counter, please?
16:31Yeah, sure. See you later.
16:33Follow me.
16:36Yes, my lad, where are you going?
16:38Yes, my lad, where are you going?
16:45Up here? Yeah.
16:51Anywhere on the left here's great, thanks.
16:53Right. How much is that? That's £15, please.
16:57That's £15.17. Thanks a lot.
16:59Thanks very much, mate. Have a good night.
17:02Hello. My name is Dominic Flasks.
17:04I work in a zoo, and this is what I do.
17:06I think he's very good.
17:08Very confident with the animals.
17:10He's got a very good look. Very distinct.
17:13Mmm, you don't think he's bad?
17:15No.
17:17I think he's very good.
17:19Very confident with the animals.
17:21He's got a very good look. Very distinct.
17:23Mmm, you don't think he's bad?
17:25No.
17:27I think he's very good.
17:29Mmm, you don't think he's perhaps too obvious a choice?
17:32No, I don't. No, I think we should get him in for a chat.
17:35My name is Dominic Flasks.
17:37You've seen what I can do, now let me do it for you.
17:46Thanks for coming in, Dominic.
17:48Do you mind if we take this?
17:50Oh, no, not at all. Great.
17:52So, what have you been up to lately?
17:55Well, I've been doing a lot of zookeeping,
17:57in Bristol, mainly.
17:59And I've been really enjoying looking after sea lions.
18:04Well, you know, I've been enjoying looking after all the animals.
18:07I like them all.
18:09OK, that sounds great.
18:11One thing we noticed from your showreel was your hat.
18:15It said, er, Zookeeper.
18:17Yeah. Well, actually, that one belonged to Bristol Zoo.
18:20Oh, so you haven't got your own hat?
18:23Yeah. Yeah, I've got a hat.
18:25Sorry, I didn't know whether I had to bring it in.
18:27No, it's all right. I'm sorry to ask.
18:29It's just the way the industry's going.
18:31Oh, yeah, I've got one.
18:33Right.
18:34OK, shall we, er, try one?
18:38Yeah.
18:39Oi, is there anything you want me to particularly do?
18:42No, no, just, er, just have fun with it.
18:44Right.
18:45Oi.
18:58These beautiful, flowing, classical lions,
19:02very typical of this particular type of Art Deco figurine.
19:06Now, have you any others like this?
19:09No, that's the only one.
19:11Because it's common for these to be part of a set.
19:14But it's really rather beautiful.
19:16Now, have you any idea how much it's worth?
19:19I did have it valued about ten years ago,
19:22and I was told it was worth about £100.
19:25Mm, well, these pieces have become very popular in recent years,
19:30and I would say this particular piece
19:33should be insured for no less than £50 million.
19:39Oh, my God.
19:42Oh.
19:45Really?
19:47That's quite a lot.
19:48You know we're going to go to bed together, don't you?
19:51I know it, and I think you know it too.
19:54Neither of us can fight it.
19:56Gerald, come on, back to that dance.
20:04How are you today, Billy?
20:06I'm very well, Betty. Isn't it a beautiful day?
20:09I'll just stop you there.
20:11The text is probably... It needs...
20:14Well, it seems a bit basic.
20:16It's too basic, I think. I know what he's getting at, but...
20:19I have a problem with Alan's position
20:21because I need to be able to exit cleanly when Aunty Mabel arrives.
20:24Yeah, it's a bit of a problem for me too.
20:26Well, we'll worry about the text for the moment.
20:29I'd also like you, Phillip,
20:30when Alan says, it's a beautiful day, blah, blah, blah,
20:33could you take your shoes off?
20:36Well, I may have a problem with that because, well...
20:39Well, can you try it?
20:45Yeah, I've got a problem...
20:48Yeah, I've got the same problem taking off my trousers in scene six.
20:51Well, it's not going to work, is it?
20:53Let's just... Let's have a discussion.
20:58Oh...
21:00Oh, no, this is...
21:06No, that's mine.
21:18Oh, come on, where is she? We're going to miss the start of the show.
21:21Well, she hasn't been here before, has she?
21:23It's probably taking her time finding the house.
21:25Oh, great, let's go.
21:27Hi.
21:30Jo, hi. Sorry I'm a bit late. I couldn't find the address.
21:33Oh, we're running a bit late too, so we'll probably head straight off, OK?
21:37This is Dame Margot Fonteyn.
21:40Now, if you could just give her a cup of coke about eight o'clock
21:44and then send her to bed about nine.
21:46Now, is there anything else she needs to know?
21:49No, I'm afraid not.
21:51I'm afraid I'm going to miss the start of the show.
21:55Now, is there anything else she needs to know?
21:57She's a very elegant lady, so try not to swear in front of her
22:01or be coarse in any way.
22:04Um, I was expecting a child.
22:09Dame Margot isn't a child.
22:12She's the First Lady of British Ballet.
22:14Right.
22:16Better get a move on. OK, back around ten. Thanks.
22:25Oh, shit!
22:30My husband, who knows a bit more than me about these things,
22:34thinks it might be worth about £200.
22:38Well, I think it's worth a bit more than that.
22:41Now, I would say that this particular piece
22:44is worth a bit more than £100.
22:47It's worth a bit more than that.
22:49It's worth a bit more than that.
22:52Now, I would say that this particular piece, at today's prices,
22:56would fetch on the market somewhere in the region of £15 billion.
23:03Oh, that's a lot more than I'd thought.
23:06Surprised? Oh, yes, very surprised.
23:09Would you mind if I just...?
23:13Yes.
23:15You're very beautiful without your glasses.
23:19I just...
23:30John, get your hands off the tits. You know that's not allowed.
23:41You don't feel any older,
23:43but those grey hairs are telling you a different story.
23:46It may be too late for you, but maybe it's not too late for your kids.
23:50Exla 2000 is a revolutionary new beard dye
23:53that starts to work before it's needed.
23:56Simply inject it into your son's face and get on with your life.
24:0040 years later, the pain has faded, but just look at that beard.
24:04But how does it work?
24:06After Exla 2000 is applied,
24:08it combines with your son's beard at a molecular level.
24:11When it finally appears, it's already been treated.
24:14Having a personal beard care expert in your chin.
24:17Exla 2000.
24:19Natural beard colour for the next generation.
24:22Available in silk or matte finish.
24:24Also available in future blonde.
24:26Don't eat all the cake. I can't help it.
24:29You have put the potatoes in it? Yes.
24:31Are you sure? I'll go back and do that.
24:39Hello! Hi!
24:42I was getting nervous about you. I know. A lot of trouble.
24:45A bit of a long drive. Sorry.
24:47Come in, Dave.
24:52Do you mind if I...? No, straight through.
24:55No, not at all.
24:57Four hours in the car. I'm not surprised he's dying for it.
25:02Actually, I would love one of those, please.
25:05Do you mind if I...? Shall I help myself?
25:07No, you stay right there.
25:11Here, one cherry for you.
25:13That's mine.
25:18Oh, dear, goodness me.
25:21Wow! Thank you.
25:23Cheers, Bill. That is so sweet of you.
25:25I don't think I know anyone that would have let their friend
25:28have sex with their wife, just cos they're a bit desperate.
25:31I would have done it with Sarah, but I thought cos I'm here...
25:35what I'll do with Emma.
25:42Um, I thought...
25:44To be honest, I thought you meant you just wanted to go to the toilet.
25:54Well, I did mean that I wanted to go to the toilet,
25:57but I wanted to have sex more than that, you know.
26:02So I thought you... What did you think I meant?
26:05Well, I presumed you meant you wanted to have sex.
26:08That's why I had sex with you.
26:11I presumed you meant sex.
26:14Ooh!
26:19If it makes you feel any better, then have sex with Sarah.
26:24Um...
26:25How do you feel about that, Sarah?
26:27Yeah, not a problem.
26:31No, I don't... No, I don't think... No.
26:36Well, this is a bit awkward, isn't it? Maybe we should...
26:39Maybe we should go.
26:41No, no, it's just I'm a bit surprised.
26:47Look, I know. Why don't you have sex with all three of us?
26:51Yeah. Yeah!
26:53Well, no, then that would be an orgy, and I'm really...
26:56To be honest, I was just looking forward to a nice, quiet dinner.
27:00Well, it wouldn't be an orgy, because we'd have sex with each other.
27:04In turn, it wouldn't be like we were all having sex at the same time.
27:09I think Daniel's being really generous.
27:11He's not even gay and he's offering to have sex with you.
27:14It doesn't bother me. It doesn't bother me at all.
27:17What do you say?
27:25All right.
27:26As long as I get a bloke job, right?
27:39I think we're gonna go.
27:42I'm sorry.
27:44I'm sorry.
27:46No, I'm sorry.
27:50Let's get some more.
27:52It's not really... I know. I'm sorry.
27:57Bye.
28:08MUSIC CONTINUES
28:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:34It's Amanda!
28:36Yes, I've just done it.