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00:00Last time, on 3rd Rock from the Sun.
00:04After trapping me in an invisible box, my evil replacement continued his diabolical
00:08plot to rule the world.
00:10Not knowing his true identity, my beloved Mary made a date with the scoundrel.
00:15But just as I thought my plight was lost forever, my entrapment was cleverly discovered by my
00:19stellar crew.
00:20Hey!
00:21Hey!
00:22Hey!
00:23Hey!
00:24Hey!
00:25Hey!
00:26Hey!
00:27Hey!
00:28Hey!
00:29Hey!
00:30Ooh.
00:31Wow.
00:32That smarts.
00:33Yeah, you're gonna look hideous tomorrow looking you thing.
00:34Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:35There's so girl I knew.
00:36She hit her nose.
00:37Let me show you, Drew.
00:38Wait but Mr. Randall is coming over!
00:39Hello, I'm trapped in a box here.
00:42Okay.
00:43Well, let's see.
00:44Anybody know how to open one of these things?
00:46Hmm.
00:47Well we know we can't smash it open with our heads.
00:49Yeah.
00:50Tommy, go get a hammer.
00:51Right, nobody is getting a hammer.
00:53Get a hammer!
00:54That's an order.
00:55I'm sorry, sir.
00:56But you can't give us orders.
00:57Oh, the M-Stick!
00:59You are no longer the High Commander.
01:03Sorry.
01:04But if we let you out of that box, well, that's...
01:06that's mutiny.
01:07Oh, mutiny schmutiny.
01:09Big fat dootney.
01:12Now, I'm sick of the new Dick.
01:14This Dick, he's one of us.
01:16You know, I mean, so maybe he's not perfect.
01:18Maybe his leadership skills verge on the pathetic.
01:21And maybe his incompetence has made our mission
01:23the laughing stock of the entire galaxy.
01:24I think you've made your point.
01:25No, I haven't made my point.
01:26The point is that he's always been there for the three of us,
01:29and it's time the three of us take a stand for him.
01:31Oh, oh, sure. Sure.
01:33That's easy for you to say.
01:34You don't have the responsibility I do.
01:36If we let him out of that box
01:37and the big giant head gets wind of it,
01:39who do you think's gonna take the fall, huh?
01:41The information officer? The transmitter?
01:44I don't think so.
01:45It's gonna be me, the woman! Typical!
01:47Sally!
01:48Sally!
01:54Think of all we've been through together.
01:57When Brad dumped you,
01:58who ordered you to drink yourself silly
02:02until you'd completely drowned your feelings for him?
02:05You did.
02:07And when I ran over your foot with the car,
02:11who drove you to the hospital the very next day?
02:15You did.
02:18And when you were hungry that day in the park,
02:20who stole that little girl's ice cream cone?
02:24Tommy did that.
02:25Well, it was my idea.
02:26It wasn't.
02:27True.
02:28Sir, you're right.
02:29I can't let you rot in this box.
02:31I've got to get you out of here.
02:32Come on, guys.
02:33Blood is thicker than water.
02:34It is?
02:35I think.
02:36Well, it's not as thick as peanut butter.
02:37No, you can't say that.
02:38Chunky peanut butter.
02:39Get me out of here!
03:18The lighting is romantic.
03:22The champagne chilled.
03:25And now,
03:26for some erotic literature,
03:32make sure the two-by-four studs
03:34are cleated to the floor plates
03:36before applying the wallboard.
03:40Perfect.
03:42Yoo-hoo!
03:43Come on up.
03:45Oh, I like what you've done with the place.
03:50Just wait until you see the bedroom.
03:56Tonight is about pleasure.
04:00A journey into the taboo.
04:05I will let nothing destroy the mood.
04:08Destroy the mood.
04:10No, thank you.
04:16Nothing.
04:24♪ Where there's water
04:29♪ There's easy living
04:33♪ Easy to live
04:36♪ When you're in love
04:40♪ Time's over
04:52Oh, I've seen these.
04:57Get out!
05:00Ah, clamp off, man.
05:02No!
05:06I'm free! I'm free!
05:10I'm free!
05:11Freedom! Freedom!
05:18Oh, there's so much I've missed.
05:21Fresh air, the smell of bacon frying,
05:23watching talk shows with Harry.
05:26I didn't miss Jerry Springer's
05:27biker chick makeover, did I?
05:30Oh, it's Tuesday.
05:32Damn!
05:35Sally, why are you wearing that skirt?
05:37It makes you look so frumpy.
05:39I knew it!
05:40That dick upstairs said this look worked for me.
05:45You know, I hate him.
05:46Yeah, he crashed the Rambler.
05:47Changed my name to Tommy.
05:49Where does that leave you?
05:50He calls me Tommy, too.
05:52Is that Tommy in the number two?
05:53Oh, I don't know.
05:54He has a major head case.
05:56I've heard enough.
05:57No one dictates humiliating
05:59and irrational edicts to my family.
06:01That's my job!
06:03Come on!
06:08And nobody better have touched my strawberries.
06:17When you're in love
06:21And I'm so alone
06:24There's nothing in life
06:54There's nothing in life
07:21Mary!
07:23What's she doing with him?
07:25Looks like he's plugging her pie hole.
07:30I think she likes it, Dick.
07:34Dick?
07:35Dick?
07:42Dick?
07:43Come on, Dick!
07:44Oh, what does she see in him?
07:46I mean, sure, he's gorgeous, but...
07:48It's all part of his depraved scheme.
07:50How dare he?
07:51How dare she?
07:52Did what we have mean nothing to her?
07:54Wait.
07:55She thinks he's me.
07:57But he's going to get her.
07:58Because he's deceiving her.
08:00Then she'll be his forever.
08:01In a way, mine.
08:02But...
08:03She likes it.
08:04I ought to...
08:05But she...
08:06Dick, hey, snap out of it!
08:10You have to take action here.
08:11You're right.
08:12I've got it!
08:13We're moving to Florida.
08:14What?
08:15Oh, it's warm all the time,
08:16the land is cheap,
08:17and the fishing bass is big as your arm.
08:19We're not going anywhere.
08:20Now, you listen to me.
08:21This afternoon,
08:22when I was with Albright,
08:23arranging this date, she told me...
08:24You arranged this date?
08:25Yeah, but the point is...
08:26You set this up?
08:27What are you, his pimp?
08:30No, if you let me finish, I'll explain...
08:31I believe in you, of all people.
08:32Dick!
08:33Get a grip and listen to her for a second.
08:35The point is, Dick,
08:36is that I tried to talk her out of this date,
08:38but she wouldn't listen to me, because...
08:40And don't ask me why,
08:41she has some sort of emotional attachment to you.
08:44She said that?
08:45She cares about you so much,
08:47she's upstairs about to have sex with another man.
08:53She would do that for me?
08:56We don't stop her.
08:57You're right.
08:58That tyrant has gone too far.
08:59I must defeat that man!
09:01All right!
09:06I should have done that earlier.
09:09Shh.
09:15Okay, here's the plan.
09:16Tommy, Harry, you stay here.
09:18Sally, you watch my back
09:19while I make a run for the bathroom.
09:20Okay, well, then what?
09:21Use the bathroom.
09:23I've been stuck in a box for two days!
09:29Ah!
09:35Oh!
09:36Hold on.
09:37Enough.
09:38I think my tongue has a charley horse.
09:41Well, saddle up.
09:42We're going for another ride.
09:44Oh!
09:45Oh!
09:46What is going on?
09:48Last time you were so fast.
09:50Why don't we just get to it?
09:53It?
09:56What?
09:57You know.
09:58It.
10:00Oh, it.
10:04You'll get it.
10:05All right.
10:08You'll get all of it that you want.
10:12It is on its way.
10:18Come on, Dick.
10:19He's taking forever.
10:21Who's taking forever?
10:24Toilet duck.
10:30He's tackling our stubborn build-up.
10:34Lieutenant, you're the woman.
10:35I need to know about it.
10:36It what?
10:37You know, it.
10:38Oh, it.
10:39Um, uh, let's get some privacy.
10:42Okay.
10:43Well, um...
10:46Uh...
10:47It's, uh...
10:48It's kind of involved.
10:50Um...
10:53Yeah?
10:55Really?
10:56Really?
10:58No.
11:01And women like that?
11:02They love it.
11:04And to think all this time I was just walking around on them.
11:11Mary!
11:12Dick!
11:13Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary!
11:14Oh, Mona, that's more like it.
11:16Oh, I want you so bad.
11:18You've got to escape.
11:19You want me to try and get away?
11:20You must!
11:21Oh, let me go!
11:22Let me go!
11:23How's that?
11:26Get out!
11:27What?
11:28If you clear the hedge, you'll be fine.
11:30What is wrong with you?
11:31Everything.
11:32Oh, Mary, you know I'll never leave you.
11:34Oh, Dick.
11:35Oh, I've got to go now.
11:36You remember Tommy.
11:37Tell her about the swim team.
11:38Swim team?
11:39What is...
11:42Well, well, well.
11:44If it isn't the former high commander.
11:46It seems that I've underestimated your...
11:49stupidity.
11:50That was your first mistake.
11:54Here's your second.
11:55Look over there!
11:56Where?
11:57Oh!
11:58Where?
11:59Where?
12:02What's going on?
12:03Dick is acting so strangely.
12:04See, listen, that's not right.
12:06Dick, he's got a lot of baggage.
12:08It's an internal struggle.
12:10Oh, stop!
12:17Oh, stop pulling my hair!
12:19I'll pull it if I want!
12:22Oh, that poor thing!
12:23I didn't know!
12:24No, you couldn't know.
12:25Because he's been afraid.
12:28He's been lonely for such a long time.
12:32And as the years went by,
12:34he fell into despair
12:36and lost all hope
12:38for what woman could ever learn to love a beast.
12:47Uh, you know what?
12:48Give me a second, okay?
12:50All right, baby.
12:51Turn around.
12:52Why aren't you helping him?
12:54Which one?
12:57When I pull him up,
12:58bring him with the gnome.
12:59Gotcha.
13:09I got him, Dick!
13:10How?
13:11Now, help me get him into the chair.
13:18Tie him up good.
13:20Tie him down tight.
13:21Okay, well, which one is it?
13:22Tie him up or tie him down?
13:25Both, Harry.
13:26Hurry!
13:27We've got to get him out of here
13:28before Mary sees him!
13:29What are we going to do with him?
13:30Oh, let's take him downstairs to the Rambler
13:32and put him in the trunk
13:33like they do on that show Homicide.
13:37Homicide?
13:38Life on the street.
13:39Oh, yeah.
13:40Great idea.
13:41Tommy, Harry, run down to the Rambler
13:43and clean out the trunk.
13:44You got it.
13:45All right.
13:47We'll be right back, sir!
13:52Don't be long!
13:54Tommy.
14:02Don't tire yourself out, Commander.
14:04I want you to witness the destruction
14:06my little device wreaks on the world
14:08you love so well.
14:11What have you done to our toaster?
14:16It's not a toaster, it's an incubator.
14:18When I press this button,
14:20millions of spores will be released
14:22into the atmosphere,
14:23spawning a whole new race.
14:25A race of grovelling drones.
14:28They will think alike
14:30and talk alike.
14:31At times, they'll even walk alike.
14:35And I will be father to them all.
14:38What will happen to Mary?
14:40Oh, don't worry.
14:41I'm not using this on her.
14:43I'm going to take care of her personally.
14:46I'm going in there
14:48and putting my feet in her purse.
14:52Again and again.
14:54You're insane!
14:55And not Gallagher insane, just insane!
14:59We cleaned out the rambler, Nick.
15:01Oh, you were able to use the grey duct tape.
15:09Stay.
15:10Stay and witness my moment of glory
15:13as I impregnate the entire population of Ohio
15:17with my demon progeny.
15:19Oh, wait, wait.
15:20Even the men?
15:23Okay, not the men.
15:26Not the girls?
15:27No, no, not them.
15:29What about other women?
15:31I don't think so.
15:32What about women who are already pregnant?
15:34Oh, shut up, all of you!
15:39Okay, so apparently I won't be impregnating
15:41the entire population of Ohio.
15:43They're all fertile women of childbearing age
15:46who are not currently pregnant,
15:48and that's a lot!
15:49We're talking lots of women here.
15:52They'll soon find themselves
15:54now pregnant
15:56by me.
15:58It's as easy as one...
16:03two...
16:07three.
16:08Yes!
16:10Yes, that will show him.
16:13Not that I care, but...
16:16show who?
16:17Your father.
16:19That unfeeling purple tube
16:21who gave you life but wouldn't give you love.
16:23You know nothing of my father.
16:25So why don't you just shut up?
16:28Because you don't know him.
16:30You don't have to defend him.
16:32You can't change the past.
16:33You have to live in the now.
16:35This is the 90s, girlfriend.
16:40All I ever wanted was approval.
16:42Is it any wonder I wet my bed?
16:46I'm with you.
16:48Your father's got you all caught up
16:50in his emotional red tape,
16:52and you need to cut yourself free.
16:54What would you say
16:56if I told you
16:58that your father was here tonight?
17:00Come on out!
17:06I'm just kidding. He's not really here.
17:10I think you need to go home and face him.
17:13Let the cycle of pain end here.
17:16You're so right!
17:18That's it.
17:20Let it out.
17:22Let it all out.
17:24Hey, guys.
17:25Dennis, what are you doing here?
17:26Long story.
17:27I got a weird vibe from you guys yesterday.
17:29Is something wrong?
17:30We really could have used you about an hour ago.
17:32What happened?
17:33I gotta mob all these people.
17:35I gotta find a better disguise.
17:37Why don't you try women's clothing?
17:39Tried it. Doesn't work.
17:42Dennis, could you do us a favor?
17:44Could you escort that guy back to the home world?
17:47Why not? I'm going that way anyway.
17:49I've got a present with a big, giant head.
17:51What is it?
17:52Big, giant nose ring.
17:54Come on, Dennis.
17:56Thank you all.
17:58I feel that I've made a big breakthrough here.
18:00Well, remember,
18:02nobody's gonna respect you
18:04until you learn to respect yourself.
18:08Bedwetter.
18:10And, Dennis,
18:12could you dispose of this while you're at it?
18:14You did it!
18:26You did it!
18:27Oh, no. No, not just me, Lieutenant.
18:29I had a little help from my friend.
18:31Oh, well done!
18:32Ricky Lake, Jerry Springer, and Sally Jessup.
18:36Now, listen up, everyone.
18:38You know that in the past,
18:39I worried that we watched too much television.
18:41Well, all I can say is,
18:43God bless television
18:46and the many ways in which television enriches our lives.
18:50From now on, I order you
18:52to watch more television than ever before.
18:56Aye, sir! Aye, sir!
18:58Well, what are we waiting for?
18:59Tommy, call the hut and get a pizza!
19:00Yes, sir!
19:01Yeah, hurry! Warm up that television!
19:02You got it!
19:03And, Sally,
19:05go get yourself a decent pair of pants.
19:08Oh!
19:09Thank you, sir!
19:23All right.
19:24The last time we were out here,
19:26you said something to me.
19:27You said you cared about me.
19:31Is that still true?
19:32Of course it's true.
19:34Over the last couple of days,
19:35you've seen me at my worst.
19:37Well, that's what being together is about.
19:39If we're going to have a relationship,
19:41I want to have it with all of you.
19:44And that includes the dark side.
19:48You know I care about you, too?
19:50You've made that very clear.
19:53So what do we do now?
19:55Well, it's been a long night,
19:56but why don't you just put your arm around me
19:59and we'll look up at the stars.
20:03Yes.
20:04They look like lovers locked in a celestial embrace.
20:09Why don't you just look at those trees?
20:13Trees?
20:14They look like lovers,
20:15their limbs exploring and fondling each other.
20:19Uh, how about we look at that couple in the window?
20:24Wow, they're going at it like trees.
21:00Harry, is there something different about you?
21:04You've lost weight.
21:05Nope.
21:06Is that a new shirt?
21:07Nope.
21:08Oh, wait, you shaved off your beard.
21:09Nope, I never had one.
21:11Something.
21:12Oh, you got a haircut.
21:14You're getting warmer.