The Braxtons Season 1 Episode 1
The Braxtons Season 1 Episode 1
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TVTranscript
00:00The Braxtons aren't bad guys I went to the doctor I don't want to get them
00:19riled up oh it's only okay what's wrong with your heart I was told that you
00:25will eventually need bypass surgery because if I have a heart attack I won't
00:29survive little Kevin is not just Tracy son he's our only child I don't want him
00:36to go into a downward spiral we need to go ahead and go on grief counseling
00:40would you want to be a part of that too Tracy love buttermilk biscuits so I'm
00:45making her in her honor this week is the two-year anniversary of Tracy's passing
00:50since everything happened even with Tracy I I would have thought that maybe
00:54you know it would have brought everybody to a different place where we're closer
00:58but that's not what happened here I should have had my sister Selene on to
01:02be those people for me to talk to since you're the person that called tell me
01:06what do you feel like you need help with
01:10Trina was there when Tracy took her last breath
01:18when we as a family go through therapy sessions a lot of things are revealed
01:30what I'm really feeling is for Kevin hmm what are you feeling for Kevin pain
01:47pain yeah hurt hmm yeah are you able to feel your own pain oh I felt that hmm
01:59every day but I heard you say I felt that well I don't think it can ever
02:04prepare a person to lose their child amen it's a difference I carried Tracy
02:10and if she can never be replaced hmm I almost lost Tracy three times when I was
02:19carrying her another time and Tracy had this high fever but this time I couldn't
02:25say and it may hurt what I'm saying but she was so ill I did pray that God
02:31would take I didn't want to see my child suffering like that it was hard but
02:37she's always present with yes all the time and believe it or not Tracy comes
02:44she visits me and I see her hmm cuz I know one day I mean if I got to get up
02:51out of here too I don't care how fine I am what I look like it don't matter and
02:56so I'll see you again amen it's okay the last time we were filming we were in LA
03:03we were there celebrating Tony's birthday and Tracy said hmm it burns like
03:12it hurts when I swallow like it really burns and me and Trina were like Tracy
03:17you need to go to the doctors as soon as you get home and she was like I am
03:23I'm a cold but it's don't feel right it just don't feel right once you got home
03:27she went to the doctor and that's when they told her she had cancer and they
03:32said it was esophageal cancer and it was stage three at the time Tracy said but
03:39I'm going to beat this I'm going to be an example for other women to get
03:45through this I said I know you will Trey
03:50my sister Tracy always tends to make the best out of everything and act as if
03:55nothing's wrong but I could see past the mask we love each other extremely hard
04:03and when the when time gets rough we go running
04:15we just kept flying back and forth this year we took turns with different things
04:26and everyone had their own role in being there for her we laughed a lot with her
04:35we cried a lot with her there were times we had pajama jammy jams no I don't know
04:44and we did karaoke sessions we watched a lot of Judge Judy we had conversations
05:02about her turkey wings I'm the only person she gave the recipe to and we
05:08talked about motorcycles and what that meant to her I never knew this that her
05:13favorite movie was what's the Disney movie the only black Disney movie
05:20Princess and the Frog!
05:22Yes! What's her name? Tawana?
05:24Tiawana?
05:26Tiana! She love that bitch!
05:28I look like I would run it every day. I don't.
05:30Hello.
05:32When we stayed together at her house in the bed and we talking
05:42she said mommy I love you you were the best mother and we just embraced all night long
05:57I will always remember that
06:01Why don't you organize your cards?
06:03Why you in my call?
06:05Because you showing them to me.
06:07I don't want to cheat the bitch.
06:09I want to be your butthead.
06:12Tony Braxton has a gangster.
06:14I remember so many days that the doctor's office would call us and say she has 48 hours it's 24 hours she has eight hours and then it would be the next month they would say the same thing again
06:29Tracy?
06:31Tony's in bed with you.
06:33We watching movies together.
06:35Look her face up.
06:37We know.
06:39Tracy was a fighter.
06:41She was a fighter.
06:43To the very very end.
06:45For the good days.
06:47For the bad days.
06:49For the very bad days.
06:51That was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.
07:01In my life.
07:03But I'd do it again.
07:05Absolutely.
07:07Where are you in your process?
07:09I can't help you if you guys aren't clear on what you actually want to talk about as real problems.
07:11So that we can get right to the root of it.
07:13To heal it.
07:15To heal it.
07:17To heal it.
07:19To heal it.
07:21To heal it.
07:23To heal it.
07:25To heal it.
07:27To heal it.
07:29To heal it.
07:31To heal it.
07:33What do you mean by getting to the root of it?
07:35Grief is connected to everything else.
07:37Right?
07:39And unfortunately when you're in processes like this.
07:41Where there are things that you don't want to talk about.
07:43Things that can't be said.
07:45You're not free in what you say.
07:47And it is not actually really therapeutic.
07:49Well I'm not free at all.
07:57From?
08:00From what Trini?
08:02From anything.
08:04And Tawanda was right.
08:06Tawanda said, Trina, you're not strong enough.
08:08To watch Tracy take her last breath.
08:10And I was like, Tawanda, yes I am.
08:12You can't tell me what I'm strong enough to do.
08:14Uh uh.
08:16Trina and I was there.
08:18And I thought I was strong.
08:20But I wasn't strong enough.
08:22I wasn't.
08:24I wasn't strong enough to see it.
08:26I wasn't.
08:28I wasn't strong enough to see it.
08:30I know how sensitive Trina is.
08:32And I knew.
08:34That that wouldn't be good for her.
08:38Those are the things that will scar you.
08:40For the rest of your life.
08:48I almost feel.
08:50All of Tracy's energy just go.
08:52As you see.
08:54Literally it almost went.
08:56Inch by inch by inch by inch.
08:58And I see it.
09:00Almost.
09:02I'm sorry.
09:10We understand you may have an active warrant.
09:12Is that Kevin's mic?
09:14That sound like the police.
09:16What's going on?
09:18Y'all got so many secrets, it's so irritating.
09:20Wait a minute, what?
09:22Every time you call, I answer.
09:25I'm not lying.
09:27No, you said that.
09:29You act like you guys are enemies.
09:31Don't you know how short life is?
09:33Can't you see?
09:41I almost feel.
09:43All of Tracy's energy just go.
09:45As you see.
09:47Literally it almost went.
09:49Inch by inch by inch by inch.
09:51And I see it.
09:53Literally it almost went.
09:55I'm sorry.
09:57And I can't lose this weight.
09:59I just gotta eat all my emotions.
10:01I eat yours.
10:03I eat yours.
10:05I eat mine too.
10:07If somebody says Trina drinks too much.
10:09I'm sorry.
10:11That's what Trina needs right now.
10:13If Trina gets fat.
10:15That's what Trina needs right now.
10:17I need to eat all the grease.
10:19And all the fried foods.
10:21And all the okra.
10:23And all the seafood.
10:25That's in the world right now.
10:27Because that is what helps me.
10:29Right now.
10:31What does it do for you?
10:33It satisfies something in my body.
10:35And.
10:37If I have a martini or 12.
10:39It allows me.
10:41To escape.
10:43To separate myself.
10:45From the reality of going to bed.
10:47Because I'm up.
10:49Tawanda will tell you.
10:51Mommy will tell you.
10:53I'm up to 6 and 7 o'clock in the morning.
10:55I don't sleep.
10:57I don't go to bed.
10:59The sun comes up before I go to bed.
11:01Every night for 2 years.
11:03Every night.
11:05Because I don't want the darkness on me.
11:07When I close my eyes.
11:09Because I see her.
11:11I see her in that green kimono.
11:13Every day.
11:16Every.
11:18Day.
11:20And I don't know what to do with it.
11:22Honestly God.
11:24I don't know what to do with it.
11:26What do I do with it?
11:28She's here for you.
11:30I'm sorry.
11:32I'm so sorry.
11:34What do I do with it?
11:36Can I touch you?
11:38Don't touch me.
11:40No.
11:42This is what the process looks like.
11:44This is what the process looks like.
11:46Beautiful.
11:48This is it.
11:50I don't know what to do with the noise.
11:52In my head.
11:54That's why when I go to sleep the television is on.
11:56Something has to be on.
11:58So I'm not left alone.
12:00With my thought process.
12:02And it's.
12:04A lot.
12:06Yes it is.
12:08It's a lot.
12:10Trina you're not just dealing with grief.
12:12You're dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder.
12:14That too.
12:16And you need treatment.
12:18And the food.
12:20And the alcohol.
12:22Is just self-medicating.
12:24The pain.
12:33I went to Tamar's concert.
12:35And.
12:37She did a dedication to Tracy.
12:40And I.
12:42Turned into mush.
12:44Into nothingness.
12:46And I didn't want to make it a bad moment for Tamar.
12:48So I tried to keep my composure as much as I could.
12:50But Tamar came and checked on me.
12:52I don't even know how you.
12:54Continued on.
12:56I just.
12:58I don't know.
13:00Because that's my way of grieving.
13:02I got a lot of tools.
13:04When I went to.
13:06Grief therapy.
13:08Okay.
13:10Tawanda.
13:12What about you?
13:14How are you dealing with your grief?
13:16I look at death.
13:18And grief differently.
13:20For me.
13:22I believe that energy.
13:24And spirit.
13:26And your soul never dies.
13:28I believe that even though Tracy's not here physically.
13:30That Tracy's still here.
13:32Just not in a physical form.
13:34So there's a different kind of peace about that.
13:36God yes.
13:38I mean I have moments of damn.
13:40But then.
13:42I know that I can still talk to her.
13:44I know that I can still have moments with her.
13:46And maybe nobody else can physically see it.
13:48With their physical eyes.
13:50But I can experience it with my energy.
13:54What are you all feeling?
13:56About where you guys are?
14:02It's bothersome for me.
14:04That we're in a place.
14:06As far as sisters are concerned.
14:08To where it's like.
14:10Before Tracy passed.
14:12It was like.
14:14We have our whole familial unit.
14:16But it seems like everybody just went to their own.
14:18Ecosystem of the world.
14:20Everybody went to their own corner.
14:22We're not connected like we were.
14:24We used to be able to talk on the phone for hours.
14:26Tamar calls Tawanda.
14:28Tawanda calls Tony.
14:30Tony calls me.
14:33We used to celebrate.
14:35We laughed.
14:37That same feeling.
14:39That same closeness.
14:43We don't even have that anymore.
14:49I miss my friend.
14:51Yeah.
14:53I miss what she brought to all of us.
14:55Yes.
14:57Some things she said was just like off the wall.
14:59And nobody understood her.
15:01We'll pluck my chicken a thousand times.
15:05My nerves is shot to shingles.
15:07I'm sorry.
15:09I stepped on a roach.
15:11Went down.
15:13I'm nothing I've said.
15:15I beat you.
15:17I beat you to your butt.
15:19Did she say which one she was at?
15:21Did she give you a name?
15:23Pinch of a Healer!
15:25Oh my God!
15:27I feel special!
15:29I am still attractive.
15:31I still got a beautiful, tiny,
15:33gluteus maximus.
15:35I am devastated.
15:37What do I have to do to get some pincherization?
15:39What is Tracy's secret?
15:41Ow!
15:43That's what made her Tracy.
15:45You know what I mean?
15:47Tracy was a
15:4924-hour pot of coffee.
15:51Banana pudding!
15:53Banana pudding!
15:55Banana pudding!
15:57Yes!
15:59Banana pudding!
16:01I'm gonna sit right here.
16:03No.
16:05I always remember Tracy.
16:07Every day.
16:09Just that fun-loving, outgoing,
16:11just
16:13special
16:15person that she was.
16:17I'm so excited.
16:20I have to do this again.
16:22Wear the crown.
16:24Be the crown.
16:26You are the crown.
16:28I just want to be
16:30valued.
16:32You're gonna make me cry.
16:36And you are valued.
16:40Give it up for Tracy!
16:44Tracy, I love you so much.
16:46I love you too.
16:48I am so happy
16:50to be your mother.
16:52Thank you, Mom.
16:54Oh, my baby.
16:56I love you so, so
16:58much.
17:00Don't tell your sisters that.
17:02I love you.
17:04I love you.
17:06Okay, boys, we're supposed to kiss
17:08with this COVID and everything.
17:10You came that damn
17:12God. God is not pleased with that.
17:14God was like, forget 2020.
17:16I always, I told Mommy this
17:18and Mikey this, I think Tracy was the glue
17:20and we never realized she was the double-stick glue.
17:28I just want y'all back.
17:30Are you okay? You good?
17:32Baby, what happened?
17:34Are you serious?
17:36Even outside of all this,
17:38nobody has called me to tell me nothing.
17:40This is not the forum.
17:42I just lost a child!
17:45I can't take it!
17:47It's too much!
17:57Tony, I'm wondering, what is it like
17:59to see your sister falling apart
18:01in her grief?
18:03Can I get a fresh tissue, Mommy, please?
18:05I'm getting it now.
18:07Tell me, where are you in your own process?
18:09I am probably
18:11in the angry stage.
18:13I'm definitely not at acceptance yet.
18:17Do you know any part
18:19of what you need that is
18:21missing in order to help you get
18:23to a deeper sense of peace?
18:25You just know
18:27that it's missing.
18:29Do I just keep it all suppressed
18:31because that's what I'm supposed to do?
18:33According to who?
18:35I guess the role I was given in life.
18:37You're welcome.
18:39What exactly does that mean?
18:41I just think it's the role I'm supposed to have,
18:43so I just wear it.
18:45Being the oldest
18:47and the oldest sister
18:49is really hard for me to ask my family
18:51for support,
18:53but not in the way you think,
18:55because we always support each other
18:57just wanting to talk to them
18:59about things because I feel like
19:01I always have to be the strong one
19:03and I'm invincible and I'm always right.
19:05Not really, but they think
19:07I think I'm always right
19:09and I don't know how to feel vulnerable
19:11and let them know that I'm human too.
19:13I'm super sister.
19:19So then what is that like to be you
19:21who can't express
19:23the anger that you feel
19:25in losing your sister?
19:27Before Tracy passed
19:29I was kind of angry at God.
19:31Why would God take her?
19:34I thought it was unfair.
19:36It's unfair that Tracy's
19:38the one that's sick,
19:40the one that's dying,
19:42and I have lupus.
19:44I feel guilt
19:46because I felt like
19:48I was the one that was going to die first.
19:50And I was angry
19:52because it was like Tracy's had so many obstacles
19:54and why would God take her?
19:56I thought it was unfair.
19:58I just felt
20:00I'm the oldest,
20:02I've been here the longest,
20:04I have lupus.
20:06I'm trying to figure out
20:08because you'll never not be the oldest
20:10and you want to work on your grief.
20:12I'm trying to figure out
20:14how do you imagine
20:16that you'll be able to
20:18if you believe that you should
20:20just always keep it together?
20:22I use
20:24my music to try to help me
20:26soothe or self-medicate that way.
20:28Music helps me a lot.
20:30I'll try to go back to how I felt
20:32years ago just before
20:34my career happened.
20:36That innocence in it, and it soothes me,
20:38it gives me inner peace because I was hungry
20:40and I was, it was innocent.
20:44I'm so beyond grateful
20:46for what I have, but going back
20:48to a time in my life before I made it
20:50makes me feel at peace.
20:52I had less responsibilities,
20:54so much hope for the future.
20:56I know I still need
20:59to process my pain and anger, but I also
21:01have to be gentle with myself, too.
21:03You have your sisters here, you have your mother
21:05here. What can they do
21:07in the now to help it get better?
21:09My parents did a fantastic job
21:11of teaching us the core of family and
21:13being together, but they didn't do the best
21:15job of letting us live our lives
21:17individually. Feel guilt
21:19and feel responsible
21:21for each other.
21:23Almost like you do
21:25for your children.
21:27Hmm.
21:29It's almost like you put your sisters ahead
21:31of your kids sometimes, and I had to work really
21:33hard to put my kids first
21:35because I was taught it was always about family.
21:37Immediate family.
21:39That part is difficult and challenging
21:41for me to try to navigate.
21:45But one of the things that's important, and I heard you guys
21:47both mention briefly. I'm sorry, Spirit, can you
21:49ask Daddy and Kevin how
21:51they're feeling before we move forward? Absolutely.
21:53Daddy, the question is, how are you
21:55feeling about therapy?
21:57I'm just here to
21:59try to learn and understand
22:01what my
22:03family is going through also, so
22:05I can be a part of their healing process.
22:09And what about Kevin Jr.?
22:11Kevin, what are you feeling tonight?
22:15Every day I'm hurt.
22:17No one in my family
22:19right now knows how
22:21it feels to lose a mother.
22:23It's like losing a part of me.
22:25And
22:27it's hard.
22:29I got a lot going on
22:31on my behalf.
22:33So not only am I grieving my mother,
22:35I'm also grieving me losing
22:37my wife. So
22:39it's always a hard thing to adjust
22:41to, especially when
22:43you have someone that
22:45had conversations with
22:47your mother saying
22:49that they have your back.
22:52Saying that no matter
22:54how hard it's going to get,
22:56they're going to be by your side.
22:58And then
23:00it came to a point where
23:04she sent me papers
23:06a couple of months before my mother's
23:08two-year anniversary
23:10of her passing.
23:12So
23:14that was hurtful too.
23:16It was
23:18blindsided.
23:22And
23:24hold on
23:26one second.
23:28I would be curious about whether or not Kevin is
23:30working with anybody in individual therapy
23:32as well. But the power of family
23:34can be equally powerful
23:36because you all are bouncing
23:38off of each other constantly.
23:40And sometimes that's positively.
23:42Okay, well we understand you may have
23:44Is that Kevin's mic?
23:46Just have to get a second-hand confirmation if you can hang tight.
23:48That sound like the police.
23:50That's the police!
23:52Don't y'all. Trust me.
23:54Let him handle this.
23:56Why he got the police?
23:58What's going on?
24:00You're going to have to tell him.
24:02Are we assuming that it's the police?
24:04I said he's going to have to tell you.
24:06I don't want this on his...
24:08Are we assuming that this is the police or you know?
24:10Hey guys,
24:12I have to call y'all back.
24:14Okay. Are you okay? No.
24:16You good? No.
24:18We'll call you. Go check on him.
24:20I'll be right back.
24:22Sorry.
24:24Check on him.
24:26What is happening?
24:28We don't know.
24:30We don't know, baby.
24:32Looks like we lost Daddy on the call too.
24:34Hey baby, what happened?
24:36Take a deep breath, nephew. Take a deep breath.
24:38Was that really the police?
24:40That's what it sounded like to me.
24:42It sounded like the po-po.
24:44Are you serious?
24:47What's going on?
24:49Y'all got so many secrets.
24:51I don't have any secrets.
24:53Wait a minute. What?
24:55Like Trina's going tapping and it's like...
24:57I'm tapping because...
24:59I don't care.
25:01This is not the forum.
25:03This is no Kevin's business and it's not the forum.
25:05You can be upset if you want to.
25:07What about the outside forum?
25:09I don't know what's going on either.
25:11Did he call you and tell you?
25:13That's not my business to tell you.
25:15I was here before.
25:17With who?
25:19Friend of mine.
25:21My mother's a pimp. Let me find out.
25:23I got girlfriends and I got boyfriends.
25:25Did you call me yesterday?
25:27I did, actually.
25:29Did I answer it?
25:31Well, because we're taping now.
25:33No, no, no.
25:35No, ma'am.
25:41Who did that?
25:43Who did that?
25:45Are you serious?
25:47Let's just take a deep breath, okay?
25:49I'm on the phone with you. I got you.
25:51Tell me what you need me to do.
25:53What is happening?
25:55Was that really the police?
25:57That's what it sounded like to me.
25:59Are you serious?
26:03What just happened?
26:05My frustration is that
26:07it's a bunch of secrets and I'm just like
26:09what's going on?
26:11Even outside of all of this, I don't know anything.
26:13I don't either.
26:15But I'm not there to even tell you what's going on.
26:17Wait, hold on one second for me if you guys don't mind.
26:19I think maybe what happened now,
26:21this is not the first time
26:23that something like this has happened for you guys.
26:25I assume this is just what family looks like, right?
26:27Everybody has a personality.
26:29Everybody has a boundary, a belief.
26:31How are you guys feeling about where
26:33you guys are now?
26:35Kevin is abruptly
26:37pulled away.
26:40I don't want to leave you guys in the process.
26:42I wish I could give you some answers.
26:44Energy is just weird.
26:46What is it?
26:48What are the charges?
26:50Put them on speaker.
26:52I want to know the charges.
26:54Our energy got really weird and everybody's energy
26:56got defensive and I don't know why we all went there.
26:58I'm going to say everybody.
27:00I think all of us got defensive.
27:02I don't think this is
27:04all just about
27:06Kevin Jr. as a symptom
27:08of a deeper issue in our family.
27:10I think Tamar being the youngest,
27:12sometimes she thinks maybe we
27:14don't want to worry her. I think people tend to
27:16do that with the youngest and that's not okay.
27:18That part's not okay.
27:20I don't know what's going on. I just know he's going through a divorce.
27:22I have no idea why
27:24cops would be at his house if that's indeed
27:26what happened.
27:30I asked the police. I said,
27:32so what's going on? They said,
27:34someone anonymously called
27:36and said that he has a warrant.
27:38So he has a warrant?
27:40So he has a warrant, but he doesn't know.
27:42So he just went to jail?
27:44Right. So he's going to go before commissioner
27:46to figure out what
27:48the warrant is actually about.
27:52We can't assume anything.
27:54We can't assume anything.
27:56Because we don't know.
27:58I think that someone
28:00close to Kevin called
28:02and set him up.
28:04The timing of it all,
28:06the timing of the grief counseling,
28:08the timing of the call of the
28:10cops showing up at his house
28:12is too coincidental.
28:14It's like, really?
28:16Who would know that he's there?
28:18That's not a coincidence.
28:20What would Tracy do?
28:22Be down there right now?
28:24Be right there.
28:26I can't begin to imagine what little Kevin is feeling right now.
28:28He's just lost his mom.
28:30He's an only child from his parents.
28:33He's alone.
28:35And as his aunties, we try to be there for him.
28:37But I think there's a void we could never fill.
28:39So obviously we're going to have to meet with you again.
28:43That's what I was going to ask.
28:45That's the question.
28:47Do you all have to focus to do the work?
28:49Or do we need to reconvene at another time?
28:51Reconvene for what?
28:53Why do you say that?
28:55Because I don't think we're open to receiving anything right now.
28:57Because now I'm worried about Tracy's son.
28:59But maybe she can talk to you individually.
29:01I went to grief counseling.
29:03Listen, I'm all here for
29:05advocating for
29:07a healthy mental health.
29:09Because you never know who you're going to reach.
29:11Or who needs to be touched.
29:13I move in a space
29:15of
29:17what's best
29:19for my health.
29:21And what is going to
29:23allow me to remain
29:25physically
29:27and mentally here for
29:29not just myself but for my child
29:31and the people who love me.
29:33And I have no shame about that.
29:39My boundaries is very serious.
29:41And I don't waver my
29:43boundaries for anybody or anything.
29:45And
29:47I don't know how to
29:49respectfully convey
29:51that to a stranger
29:53that doesn't know everything that we have been through
29:55or what I have personally been through.
29:58But you know,
30:00I put my foot down and it stays down.
30:04It no longer serves me to beg.
30:06I have no desire.
30:08What do you mean beg?
30:10When you say I don't want to beg.
30:12Oh, beg for
30:14sisterhood. Beg for
30:16friendship. Beg for
30:18time. Beg for
30:20none of that.
30:22This is a prepaid
30:24call from Kevin, an inmate
30:26at the county correctional facility.
30:28Are you okay?
30:30It's my mom.
30:32We don't know what's
30:34really going on.
30:36Can you find out why he's there?
30:38I'm fed up.
30:40You deal with it because I'm tired.
30:42Do what you want to do.
30:44What do you mean
30:46beg?
30:48Beg for
30:50sisterhood. Beg for
30:52friendship. Beg for
30:54time. Beg for
30:56none of that. I'm sorry if I made you
30:58feel like you were begging. It was never my intention.
31:00I would never
31:02want you to feel like you were begging
31:04for sisterhood or
31:06time. Like for real, for my heart.
31:08I would never want you to feel that way.
31:12It's something we're doing wrong as
31:14sisters and we're not getting it because
31:16Tamar has felt this before.
31:18I call all of my siblings
31:20I damn near beg them to
31:22come hang out with me and the answer
31:24is always no. Or
31:26there is no answer. And I wish
31:28she could explain it to us or she felt
31:30she could trust us enough to be
31:32vulnerable and honest.
31:34There are times that I don't
31:36understand my sister. I don't
31:38get her. But I'm trying so
31:40hard to. I want to see things from her
31:42perspective.
31:44I can't speak for anyone
31:47but me and you and our
31:49relationship. When you say, when you
31:51call me, you say, Trina, will you come over
31:53nine times out of ten?
31:55Nine times out of ten, where do I go?
31:57No, you come. I come
31:59nine times out of ten. I appreciate
32:01that. And it's not about appreciation
32:03it's because I want to be there.
32:05I want to foster a relationship with you, individually
32:07and collectively with the rest of our
32:09sisterhood and our sistership. I think that's
32:11one of the things that our sisterhood
32:13we have problems with. We always
32:15put everything into a bundle. Just be
32:17honest to the person that you're having the problem
32:19with. Because it obviously is not
32:21me. Say how you feel, but say it to the person
32:23that you feel it about. Period.
32:25How does it impact you guys
32:27as sisters not to be able to have
32:29at least one of you guys that will
32:31plug in in that space?
32:33There's a real firm
32:35boundary there that says, you do not
32:37get access to me anymore for whatever
32:39the reason is. For me, you have to
32:41respect where a person is. That's just
32:43it. And until that person or whoever
32:45is willing to move
32:47forward in that way, then you just have to respect
32:49where they are.
32:51The respect is a behavior, but I want to know how
32:53it feels to not have access to your
32:55sister. Be honest. I don't care.
32:57It's not
32:59connected to a feeling, though.
33:01No, be honest.
33:03It's not connected
33:05to a feeling.
33:07It's not connected to a feeling, though.
33:09How does your sister say,
33:11you don't have access to me,
33:13and you don't care that you don't
33:15have access to me, and it doesn't
33:17cause you to feel anything?
33:19I guess the feeling is
33:21numb.
33:23Because it's not positive and it's not
33:25negative. And I will tell you that
33:27numb is a feeling. It's a very important one.
33:29It is. Right? Numb is a
33:31feeling that we go to. Our body
33:33shuts down when what we actually
33:35feel is so overwhelming that to feel
33:37that would hurt too much.
33:39Have we just learned how to channel and block it out?
33:41Well, no, because it's not blocked.
33:43Or is the feeling mutual?
33:45Keep it gangsta, dog.
33:47Like, why we gotta sit up here and act like...
33:49It's not, like I said, it's a
33:51matter of respect. I respect where
33:53people are. That's just it.
33:55I respect where people
33:57are. I don't engage.
33:59I don't pour into certain types of
34:01energy. I make different choices
34:03in my life. And
34:05that's just where I am.
34:07Now, this is
34:09TV, Josh.
34:13Outside
34:15of yesterday
34:17and today, when was the last time you
34:19talked to me?
34:21I don't recall.
34:23It wasn't my birthday because you didn't call me.
34:25My birthday's September. Here we are in March.
34:29I am in a space.
34:31I am in a space of
34:33I'm just focusing on
34:35focusing on my relationship
34:37and whoever's
34:39in my household. I'm
34:41focusing on my children. I'm focusing on
34:43my relationship. Trina in your household?
34:45Tony's in your household?
34:47They call me. I talk to them every day. Girl, you don't answer
34:49the phone. That's not true. Girl, stop.
34:51Let's be specific. Did you call me yesterday?
34:53I did, actually. Did I answer it?
34:55Well, because we're taping now. No, no, no.
34:57No, ma'am. No, ma'am.
34:59No, ma'am. When you called me,
35:01every time you called... Girl, that is not
35:03true. Every time you called,
35:05I answered. Every time
35:07you text, I answer.
35:09That's a fact.
35:11Okay, girl. That's a fact.
35:13So I'm a liar?
35:15No, you said that. I didn't call you that.
35:17That's the word that you're using.
35:19Everyone knows that
35:21I always have receipts.
35:23But what's the point of
35:25showing it? My word should be my word.
35:27Facts are facts, and words
35:29can't change it. What she will do is
35:31she'll give you the carrot and move forward.
35:33Okay, this is how it feels. Okay, now forget it.
35:35Okay, this is how it feels. Okay, yeah, forget it.
35:37So either you're gonna go here
35:39or you're not. I just did.
35:41No, you did not.
35:43No, you did not.
35:45What's happening between you and her
35:47right now? If a person gives me
35:49something and tells me this is how
35:51I'm feeling, I respect where they
35:53are. That's it. Complete.
35:55But the reason why is because...
35:57But you can't speak for me.
35:59I'm not speaking for you. I'm speaking for you.
36:01You just said,
36:03no, she's not.
36:05I'm listening to every word that you're saying to me.
36:07You said, no, she's not.
36:09And then you took it back and said,
36:11I'm not speaking for you, but you in fact did.
36:13That's all I'm saying.
36:15Okay.
36:17You know,
36:19I am just so
36:21sick
36:23and tired.
36:25You act
36:27like you guys are
36:29enemies.
36:31I am tired of it.
36:33You can't
36:35sit down and have a decent
36:37darn conversation
36:39without all of
36:41this foolishness.
36:43All I
36:45care about is
36:47you guys.
36:49I just
36:51lost a child.
36:53I lost a child.
36:55Suppose something...
36:57Trina, I'm like...
36:59Take your glasses off.
37:01Suppose
37:03you walk out that door tonight,
37:05one of you guys are killed.
37:07Don't you
37:09know how short life is?
37:15Don't you know?
37:17Can't you see?
37:19I can't
37:21take it. It's too much.
37:31Don't you know?
37:33Can't you see?
37:35I can't take it.
37:37It's too much.
37:39Simple
37:41things.
37:43You want to argue over that?
37:45Tell me
37:47what is wrong.
37:49What is wrong?
37:55It's too much.
37:57It's too much.
38:01Tracy even
38:03talked to you guys, don't you remember?
38:05She said,
38:07if y'all continue to argue,
38:09I'm going to haunt you.
38:11She said,
38:13because it's not necessary.
38:15That's what she said.
38:19Life is too short.
38:21I promise you.
38:23I promise you that.
38:25So go ahead
38:27and act like a fool.
38:29I'm tired of going to God
38:31for the same thing.
38:33Lord, please bless my kids.
38:35Please help them
38:37to have forgiveness.
38:39Please show them the way.
38:41Please help them.
38:43Show them the way.
38:45Show them the way.
38:47Please help them.
38:49Show their children what the devil
38:51y'all showing them.
38:53How to be against one another.
38:59Stop it.
39:01I'm fed up.
39:03You deal with it,
39:05because I'm tired.
39:07Do what you want to do.
39:09These are grown behind people.
39:11I'm not going to be
39:13in the middle of this.
39:15They have issues that
39:17I can't fix.
39:19And it's not my place to fix it.
39:21You know, I'm not a fixer.
39:23I'm a mother.
39:25And you're not going to kill me.
39:27How about that?
39:29You said a lot
39:31to your girls.
39:33And I think it matters
39:35to each of them.
39:37They were affected.
39:41You don't believe that they were though.
39:43That's not it
39:45that I don't believe in.
39:47I'm just disappointed in them.
39:49Because, you know, enough is enough.
39:51Yeah.
39:53But I would say hold out the hope, because maybe this is the beginning.
39:55Right?
39:57Oh, child, please.
39:59How long do you think I've been talking to my children?
40:01Forever, since they were in the womb.
40:03Well, one of the things
40:05that I am hoping for this family,
40:07I'm hoping what your mom is hoping,
40:09is that you all
40:11will find your way to change.
40:13But you have
40:15to be motivated for it.
40:17You have to be willing to do the work for it.
40:19And you have to be willing to take
40:21accountability for the parts that you are willing
40:23to do and the parts that you're not.
40:25Obviously, we need to have
40:27a couple of these sessions to get to the core.
40:29But we appreciate you coming here and taking the time.
40:31Sure.
40:33And hoping that we can do it again and do a deeper dive.
40:35Absolute pleasure.
40:37And anytime that you guys
40:39want to do the work,
40:41give me a call.
40:43And we are going to get you a referral for some treatment.
40:45Okay?
40:47Because the suffering will not end
40:49just because you got a little bit of relief.
40:51And I don't want you to stop there.
40:53I receive that.
40:55Okay. Let's get you guys some rest.
40:57Thank you so much.
40:59My pleasure.
41:01I hope somebody stirred my oxtail
41:03so it didn't burn.
41:05I don't burn food.
41:07It's going to take a long time to build up.
41:09It's going to take a long time to dissipate.
41:11I'm just so full of emotion. I'm so full of feeling.
41:13I'm so full of hurt. I'm so full of grief.
41:15I'm so full of passion.
41:17And it's just an outpouring
41:19like rain.
41:21And girl, you don't have to be
41:23suffering like how you are.
41:25This really is a lot.
41:27When you speak with a grief counselor,
41:29I can say this now, it gives you the freedom
41:31to not move
41:33past the situation but to move forward
41:35past the situation.
41:37And that's what I'm working on doing now.
41:41Do we have to turn it up, baby?
41:43There it is.
41:45Mmm.
41:47You want to taste it?
41:49I feel like grief management is what Tracy wanted us to do.
41:51I think she knew it was going to be
41:53we were going to put space there and this was her way
41:55of pulling us back together.
41:57We're not there yet. I don't think we're
41:59to it. I think we're just beginning.
42:01But what I know for sure
42:03is that we love each other no matter what.
42:05And there's still a lot of pain
42:07and a lot of triggers we can't work through in one night.
42:09But I'm optimistic that we'll get there.
42:13The food ain't ready.
42:15The rice is ready.
42:17Go eat, baby.
42:19Look at God.