I Want My Lick Back -- Dr. Dharius Daniels
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LearningTranscript
00:00what's up family listen to me I'm excited about this message you're about
00:04to receive I want to prepare you for this isn't a wow message it might be an
00:08owl message but it's going to help you help yourself when you're dealing with
00:13people that are mishandling you the Bible gives us some insight on this guy
00:18and this message called I want my link back is a message that's going to help
00:22you handle you when you've been harmed and hurt by others I can't wait to talk
00:28to you about some of this content man on how to set a boundary how to hold a
00:32boundary who you got to set boundaries with so you can restrain yourself from
00:36revenge and stop exposing yourself to read injury man one request if it helps
00:43you just share it with somebody that's it enjoy the message so we're in a
00:47series called a letter to my enemies it's a study of the book of the Bible
00:51called Nahum we studied chapter 1 last week we're in chapter 2 this week I want
00:56to read a verse and I want to jump right into our lesson and can I be
01:00honest with can I be honest with the 1130 the 8 o'clock and 10 o'clock was
01:04kind of quiet y'all gonna y'all feel like talking to your boy this okay all
01:13right Nahum chapter 2 verse number 13 it reads like this I am against you says
01:27the Lord I will burn up your chariots in smoke and the sword will devour your
01:35young lions I will leave you no prey on the earth the voices of your messengers
01:42will no longer be heard I'm gonna stop the reading the scripture there and this
01:48lesson this subject for today's sermon is only for honest authentic people who
01:54will admit at one point in your life you have felt this way or you feel this way
02:00right now or you're honest enough to admit there's a pain that can hit your
02:04life that will make you feel this way all right this only for the real ones
02:09here's the topic of today's teaching I want my lick back
02:19okay this is 1130 all right yeah I want my lick back in Jesus name
02:29follow family I want to start this sermon with the following statement
02:40some of your greatest problems will not float in your life in spirit form they
02:45will walk in your life on two legs in other words some of our greatest
02:52will be people problems and the Bible is inundated with examples that support
03:01that statement when we open up the Bible in the book of Genesis we can't even get
03:07through three chapters without seeing a people problem Adam and Eve people
03:14problem then Cain and Abel people problem Abraham and Lot people problem
03:22Jacob and Esau people problem Joseph and his brothers people problem David and
03:30Goliath people problem Saul and David people problem
03:35Absalom and David people problem Amnon and David people problem a hippothale and
03:43David people problem Joab and David pray for David right now Joab and David
03:51people problem Elijah and Jezebel people problem Jezebel and Ahab people problem
04:01Samson and Delilah people problem and Judas and Jesus people problem life be
04:12life in and people
04:22so since this is an inevitable and unavoidable reality we need biblical
04:29principles to properly manage unavoidable people problems and this is
04:36why the book of Nahum becomes incredibly important for those of us who are
04:41serious about managing people problems in a way that makes us better and not
04:48bitter Nahum is more than a book in the Bible
04:53Nahum is a book that is a blueprint on how to handle yourself when you are
05:03dealing with problems that manifest in the form of people I taught you this
05:10last week family did I not I said did I not I taught you last week that Nahum
05:16is a super unique book in the Bible because even though it is a prophetic
05:20book it is a prophetic book that is a prophetic word not to God's people but
05:27it is a prophetic word to the people that were causing God's people problems
05:32it wasn't a prophetic word to Israel it was a prophetic word to the Assyrians it
05:40was a prophetic word to the same people God gave a prophetic word to a hundred
05:46years prior through another prophet in the Bible named Jonah remember Jonah
05:53swallowed by the whale Jonah I don't like them Jonah I ain't going over there
05:59Jonah then after in the belly of the whale for three days I changed my mind Jonah
06:05this is the same people group he was prophesying to and so they had temporary
06:11adjustments but not a long-term evolution so a hundred years later
06:16they're still doing the same thing to God's people so God says at this point
06:23I've given you time to change I've given you opportunities to change I've sent
06:30prophetic messengers to you to try to help you change but you refuse to change
06:37so now I got to tell you what I'm getting ready to do since you won't
06:43change are you catching this this prophetic book models for us how to
06:51manage God's way at least people problems it's a blueprint for people
06:58problem management pastor where is it it's in the text we just read in Nahum
07:02chapter 2 verse 13 what does it say God says through Nahum to Assyria I'm against
07:09you everybody thank God for them
07:15he said I'm against you I will burn up your chariots in smoke some of you like
07:21I like that part already that's that's the kind of energy I'm on no
07:26metaphorically guys okay I will burn up your chariots in smoke and the sword
07:32will devour your young lions I will leave you no prey on earth the voices of
07:37your messengers will no longer be heard pastor how is this teaching us how to
07:42manage people problems don't look at the specifics let's not set anything on
07:47fire okay let's not look at it literally right let's look at it for us
07:53metaphorically how does this help me manage people problems because this is
07:57God managing a people problem how does this help me manage my people problems I
08:03want you to see this prophetic declaration regarding what he was going
08:10to do to Assyria is a prophetic announcement of the protection he's
08:16providing for Israel don't miss it God's prophetic decree is divine
08:24intervention showing up in the form of God setting a boundary so when God's
08:32saying he's going to destroy when God says I'm going to destroy Assyria he's
08:37not destroying Assyria simply to destroy Assyria he's destroying Assyria
08:42to protect Israel he is operating with a recognition and the revelation that
08:47Assyria won't change so he's got to protect his people from people who are
08:53unwilling to change gosh who are who have had ample opportunity to change yet
09:03have refused to change so what is God doing God is restricting access he is
09:14doing in Nahum what he actually did in Genesis when Adam and Eve his first
09:23creation had access to the Garden of Eden they mismanaged that access and you
09:30mismanaged access when you see access as a right and not a privilege let me go
09:38to this side did you hear what I just said Adam and Eve is in the Garden of
09:44Eden and God's like now first of all this is my garden I made it before I
09:49made you and so if you're gonna be in this garden then you've got to be in
09:55this garden in a way that aligns with my instruction so you can you can freely
10:01eat from every tree in this garden but that one am I making sense but they
10:11treated access like it was a right instead of a privilege they treated Eden
10:17like they made it and that's some of our issue you got people in your garden that
10:24you made but they acting like they made it this not our money I gotta go
10:37this not our house this not our mind this not our company did you hear what I
10:49just said no I'm not asking you to agree I just need you to I want you to
10:55think whether or not am I biblical I don't even want to know if you agree I
10:59want to know am I biblical am I in the book if you know the story when they
11:05mismanaged the access what did he do he escorted them out of Eden not only did
11:11he escort them out he put provision in place to keep them from getting back in
11:16he assigned seraphims with flaming swords to stand outside the garden and
11:24this is God who's the ultimate expression and embodiment of love this
11:30is God who is the inaugurator and the greatest example of love this is God who
11:36demonstrated his love for us in what's called the incarnation when God becomes
11:41a man when he leaves the riches of heaven to live in the poverty of earth
11:46he becomes naturally poor and spiritually poor so that we can become
11:51spiritually and emotionally and relationally rich that God who's love
11:56say I love you but you got to leave here y'all not ready for this kind of this is
12:03because what we end up doing is we confuse access with love it's God love I
12:12said it's God love does he love Adam and Eve did he restrict their access so if
12:19he will why won't you
12:24if he's God and he's perfect and they mismanage access and he behaves
12:33perfectly a yellow a y'all are y'all okay yeah he models for us boundary
12:46resetting pastor what is what is boundary because we can be saying the
12:53same thing but not meaning the same thing right so when we say boundary what
12:59do we mean here so here's a working definition of it of a biblical boundary
13:03here it is a biblical boundary is a clear and definitive limit you set to
13:09protect yourself from the behaviors and actions of others who are unwilling or
13:15unable to change unwilling or unable unwilling or unable unwilling to change
13:24may be evil unable to change isn't evil but it's still irresponsible either way
13:32whether you whether you meant to hurt me or whether you hurt me because you're
13:37irresponsible I'm still hurt so sometimes I got to set the boundary
13:42cuz you're evil other times I got to set the boundary because you're
13:46irresponsible you don't know how to responsibly manage the access that
13:51you've been given y'all aren't talking to me I said you're not talking to me
14:02that's concerning me I want to make sure you that that no religious filter is
14:08resisting this biblical message because some of you are trying to take people to
14:13places they feel entitled to go but they are not evolved enough to go they are
14:20not responsible enough to go why can't I go with you there cuz I don't know what
14:25you're gonna do when we get there that doesn't mean I don't love you
14:38cuz some of us have been hurt by people because they were evil and then other
14:45times we've been hurt by people just because they were irresponsible either
14:48way I'm hurt
14:56are we okay like no nope not that's why you talking about this here's why I'm
15:03talking about this the absence of boundaries will eventually lead to the
15:08presence of bitterness and unaddressed bitterness leads to the to the desire
15:15for revenge I'm gonna say it again the absence of boundaries will eventually
15:25lead to the presence of bitterness and unaddressed bitterness will lead to the
15:32desire for revenge so let me ask you a question have you ever been wounded so
15:38greatly that you wrestle with wanting to see the person who hurt you get hurt I
15:43feel I feel real right here come on in other words let me reframe it let me
15:52reframe it let me rephrase it practically speaking have you ever been
15:55lied on excluded exploited betrayed manipulated insulted misrepresented
16:01gaslighted to the degree that it created a desire in you to see those who put you
16:10through pain experience pain themselves have you ever wanted to get your lick
16:17back if so here's a statement I simply like to offer for your contemplation and
16:26consideration here's a statement in life you will have to choose between getting
16:32better or getting even you can't do both
16:42it's like I got like 17 handclaps right there in life you will have to choose
16:55between getting better or getting even you can't do both and if you're committed
17:04to getting better you have to be committed to setting boundaries because
17:08boundaries give you the protection you need so that you have the space you need
17:14to actually heal the wounds you've incurred see did you hear what I just
17:20said so you can't heal in a place that keeps getting re-injured and some of us
17:32keep submitting ourselves to re-injury because we are influenced by bad
17:38theology so we're operating with this theology as God as protector without any
17:47human participation so it means God got me and and that's true but you got to be
17:56interpreting that correctly because if your idea of God's got me means God does
18:03everything for me and nothing through me
18:09did God feed you this morning yes did he pick up the fork he did it through you
18:17y'all aren't talking to me so if I have food available and I starve I can't
18:25blame God I gotta blame my bad theology because my bad theology expected God to
18:33do something for me that he's gonna do through me and you're like God I want
18:38you to protect me and he's like I am I'm trying to give you discernment let
18:44me go over here yes I'm trying to I am gonna protect you but when you see the
18:56Assyrians you gotta set a boundary and boundaries aren't control boundaries
19:05aren't a declaration of what somebody else is gonna do it's a declaration of
19:09what you're gonna do boundaries don't change people but boundaries protect
19:14your future from people who won't I don't have time I'm gonna deal with this
19:20a little bit later but using boundaries as a way to try to change people can
19:24easily slide out of influence and into manipulation and when you start flirting
19:30with manipulation the word the Bible uses to describe that is witchcraft you
19:36playing with people now let me go to this side you're trying to manipulate
19:40feelings and emotions let me just go dark for a minute and see if they no no
19:44no I'm not going dark for a minute to get you to do something because I can't
19:48control you and it's not my job to control you God has not given me
19:54authority over you he's not giving me responsibility for you he's giving me
19:59responsibility for me this for my mental this for my sanity this for my
20:03spirit this for my future this for my money and until you demonstrate fruit
20:09that says you're safe I'm going to love you outside the confines of this
20:15boundary I love you just the same out there I need somebody to get a prophetic
20:23finger in the air and just say out there out there I love you from out
20:27there
20:32tario they tired already if I'm making sense say yes this prophetic
20:46announcement was an expression of divine intervention it is God saying these
20:51Assyrians won't change so I got to protect Israel from people that won't
20:56change I hear you arguing with me but what about loving people I didn't say
21:07don't love people what about what about giving up on people I don't think we
21:15should give them people I didn't say give up on people now if you think you
21:19can fix everybody you're not a known it you're a narcissist and you spiritualize
21:26your narcissism I got Bible because even in the book of Corinthians when Paul's
21:36dealing with believers and unbelievers who are in the context of marriage Paul
21:40says okay hey you do know or you may not know how your relationship with God is
21:45going to influence or sanctify he says who knows the unbelieving wife or
21:50husband may be sanctified by who knows who knows so you got that kind of juice
21:58I mean you if you like that you better than God are we all right here it is
22:13here it is here this family we've got to have clarity and the courage to set
22:18and hold boundaries because we're gonna have to set and hold boundaries in
22:22places and spaces that we didn't think we were gonna have to set and hold
22:25boundaries sometimes the Assyrians show up in places you didn't think they would
22:31show up sometimes number one you got set and hold boundaries with family
22:38are y'all okay I think I need I just need to know what section got my back
22:46today that's it yeah pass is that biblical yeah I'm gonna show you it's a
22:56biblical it's biblical I'm gonna show you but family is too dubious it's too
23:03nebulous it's too ambiguous that's not specific enough family that's too
23:07general family how it could show up in a number of places sometimes you got to
23:11set boundaries with family in the form of a spouse
23:20yeah that's what I say you wait no no that no I said I said yes spouse yep see
23:27here's the thing but again this sounds foreign if we operate with some bad
23:31theology okay that's not an insult that's not a critique it's just a it's
23:35just a truth right if we operate so some people have a bad theology of
23:38marriage because they don't understand biblical oneness so they think biblical
23:44one they think unity becoming one they think it's absolute composite unity not
23:47absolute unity so it's almost like for them we are two halves that come
23:51together and then we make a whole one if two halves come together you just got a
23:56broken relationship because you got two broken people in it so here guys this is
24:04not this is just the word means what it means the word oneness that the word
24:09oneness is used in Bible in the Bible to describe marriage the two shall become
24:12one that Hebrew word is the same Hebrew word used in Deuteronomy for something
24:16called the Shema what the Bible says here O Israel the Lord our God is one
24:19right so the so Moses who wrote both of those books is saying the oneness in
24:24marriage is analogous to the oneness in the Trinity
24:30they're not separate but they are distinct the father is not the son and
24:39the son is not the spirit and the spirit is not the son and the spirit is not the
24:42father but they're one so there is unity but I still maintain my otherliness ah
24:51so it means that even though we are one I do maintain a degree and dimension of
24:59otherliness and this otherliness means I may see that different that otherliness
25:04means I may have a different perspective that otherliness means that I might like
25:10you but that don't mean I got to like that come on come on come on and here's
25:15what happens when you have a bad theology of the oneness of marriage you
25:20lose something God actually wanted you to keep he wanted you to lose your ego
25:24he wanted you to lose your pride he wanted you to lose your selflessness
25:28but he did not intend for you to lose yourself I don't hear anyone and some of
25:38you now you're in relationships and you can't get needs met because you don't
25:42even know what your needs are anymore you have put your own otherliness on the
25:47altar of a bad theology of oneness so now when somebody even asks you what you
25:52want you don't even know what you want anymore
25:57sorry oh let's go they I'm getting mean mugged in here how the submission even
26:12even work if you never have a difference of opinion
26:23if we don't have different how to submit there's no need for submission if we
26:30never see anything different and your spouse is the perfect person for you but
26:37they're not perfect newsflash the wedding is perfect maybe they not and so
26:47sometimes imperfect people have imperfect moments and you gotta know how
26:51to set a boundary with somebody you love not just to protect you but to
26:58protect a relationship meaning I gotta set this boundary so that I don't start
27:01disliking you more you don't like the boundary but if I don't set this
27:06boundary I'm gonna end up not liking you yeah this too real I know I don't know
27:12I don't know any I got Bible play Tyree all day long in Job chapter 2 verse
27:22number 7 it says so Satan went out from the presence of the Lord and afflicted
27:26Joe with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the crown of his head then
27:30Job took a piece of broken pottery and scraped himself with it as he sat among
27:34the ashes and his wife his ride or die his boo fame the one who said they
27:42crying at the altar better or worse rich or poor sickness and in hell to love and
27:52cherish to death this woman said are you still maintaining your integrity curse
27:56God and die don't judge her I don't want to give her I don't want to give excuse
28:01but she need context this is a grieving woman this is a woman who all her
28:06children just died this is did you hear what I just said all her children just
28:11died at the same time a natural disaster takes the life of all of her children
28:17that's a grieving woman all they money gone everything her and her husband built
28:22over their entire life gone so your money gone your property gone your
28:28animals are gone your children are gone and now you looking at the man that was
28:32strong and a provider and he can't even wash himself so she got to take care of
28:40the one who's been taking care of her she's dealing with caregiver fatigue not
28:45an excuse just context because a lot of people judge people without context you
28:53judge what she said but you're not sitting where she was sitting if you
28:57were sitting there you probably would have said worse let me go to this side
29:00if you were sitting there you probably said worse under less pressure but watch
29:11what he does I'm not tired watch what he does he says you're talking like a
29:16foolish woman he models healthy conflict management he addresses the issue he
29:22labels the issue not the person he didn't call her foolish
29:31am I in the book guys he says in this moment that's the way you're talking he
29:41said I'm in a fragile mental space I am literally trying not to lose my mind and
29:48I love you but I'm too fragile to be exposed to this kind of toxicity in this
29:56season now I'm not gonna leave you but I got to leave this room because you don't
30:05know what I'm under right now and even though you love me and you the closest
30:11thing to me on earth you still don't know what it feel like to sit in this
30:14seat until you sit it's hurting you to see me sick but you don't know what it's
30:21like to be this sick it's a healthy boundary even in the context of marriage
30:36family I could I could take you to Luke 15 I could show you sometimes not just
30:41spouses I could show you with children story to prodigal son the younger son
30:48the younger son represents the immature son sometimes parents you I mean the
30:57father tried to get the younger son to submit to the advice he's like okay since
31:02you don't trust my instruction you're gonna have to learn from experience
31:07because you're determined to experience what I'm trying to protect you from you
31:13just determined y'all talking like I'm determined to try to protect you from it
31:17you just determined so I don't want to slide into witchcraft so I don't want to
31:28manipulate so I don't want to misuse not so I'm not gonna give up on you but I
31:32gotta give you up to God I don't have time but I can show you parents not just
31:42your parents I can show you well literally just give me this one script
31:49just 31 Jacob heard that Laban's sons were saying Jacob has taken everything
31:54our fathers owned and gained all this wealth which belonged to our father I
31:58only have time to do that that's just such a lie Laban tricked Jacob but
32:05people who are around people they love will agree with a narrative that's not
32:11true Laban is the one that tricked Jacob he took all our daddy's stuff no your
32:24was supposed to give him Rachel now I'm not gonna bother this cuz y'all it's
32:30just such a this man get to the altar and find out his debt Laban didn't give
32:39him Rachel he gave him Leah he gave him the one he knew he would have had a
32:43harder time marrying off and then told Jacob hey work for me seven more years
32:50bro he tried to cheat him out of cattle like and Jacob was like Rachel Leah we
33:00got to go I noticed your daddy but right is right this too much that's your dad
33:10but right is right and wrong is wrong we both know the way he's been managing
33:18me no no pastor it says honor your father mother exactly honor speaks to
33:26what you give to them it doesn't speak to what you have to take from them
33:31Oh I'm gonna give honor that doesn't mean I have to subject myself to
33:41toxicity and cynicism and verbal abuse and insults and at some point every
33:53believer look at past I love you you don't have to make a decision if you're
33:57gonna live your life based on social norms that you call in spiritual or
34:03really spiritual truth
34:14and if we don't learn how to set boundaries we're gonna keep re-injuring
34:21places God's trying to heal and one of the ways the devil tries to ruin your
34:29life is by wrecking your heart here's an analogy here's his imagery the Bible
34:36uses you know a pastor hearts of stone versus hearts of flesh what kind of
34:43heart you got now
34:51and at some point you have to love what God is doing in you enough to protect
34:59your most valuable asset you know the devil doesn't come after what's not
35:05important he's after your heart he's obsessed with it
35:18and we gotta protect it
35:23boundaries that's not a wall Henry Cloud says it's a fence fences have gates it
35:35means based off of what you see you can determine what you keep out and what you
35:41let in and sometimes you got something inside the fence and you realize I got
35:48to open the gate and let this out listen to pastor your purpose will require the
35:58utilization of your heart I can't be my best for you if I leave my heart in the
36:05car every Sunday and I've been doing it long enough where I can bring my head
36:10and my head can get the job done but I can't serve you the way God called me to
36:18if I don't bring my heart on this platform I got to care and the devil
36:27wants you to lose your care and it's easy to lose your care when it seems
36:34like nobody cares for you oh I know I'm in the room I know I'm in the room and
36:47for some of you this series and this barrage of wounds in this area it is not
36:52just coincidence it is warfare and this is what we miss most of the time the
36:58stuff we call in spiritual warfare isn't spiritual warfare when you look at the
37:01first instance of spiritual warfare in the guard in the Bible is in the Garden
37:04of Eden Satan showing up in a form of a snake he
37:09subbed him so most of the time we an attack we don't even know it's an attack
37:12we think life life it's like man why are these people taking him in the devil's
37:16trying to get your heart but today we're letting him know he can't have it
37:23whoo I said he can't have it because if you get my heart you get my peace if you
37:31get my heart you get my joy if you get my heart you get my future I pray too
37:36much I believe too much my heart belongs to him
37:49so father I pray today for every person under the sound of my voice who's been
37:56under heart attacks and dealing with heart wounds God would you please heal
38:06the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds give us wisdom to know where to
38:13set a boundary give us wisdom on how to set it and give us the resilience to
38:20hold it once we've said it I pray this over your people in Jesus name I feel
38:29the Spirit of God somebody just release a sound of worship in the house