toastoflondontheendreactionYT
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00What's up Wolfpack Fam it's your boy Kid back at it again hope you're doing well
00:14continuing my journey of a toast of London with my boy Matt Barry and the
00:18rest of the gang what adventures is my main man gonna get into on this week's
00:22episode I gotta stay tuned to find out ladies and gentlemen snacks it's not
00:26included damn it you got to bring your own don't forget to Like comment
00:29subscribe absolutely free to do shout out to the patches as well thank you for
00:33your support links are always in the description section if you're curious
00:35for that let's get this journey started let's get it
00:39snacks not included let's freakin go the new TS4 it's the car that literally
00:49goes the room
00:53that's great oh actually Steven before you shoot
00:56off there's a little thing that's just come in do you mind what is it hi Steven
01:00this is Clem Fandango can you hear me yes I can hear you Clem Fandango we'd
01:04like to do this charity thing for the radio I won't take a second
01:06Oh scripts in front of you sir yeah okay I've got it
01:09are we rolling yeah ready when you are Steven don't miss your opportunity to
01:14experience Bon Jovi live up close and personal okay you've got to understand
01:20I've got a clue what that means I mean I'm guessing it's the name of some kind
01:24of pop group or dance craze spot-on Steven also the bit underneath Steven
01:28when you're ready where else could you see Bon Jovi madam
01:34gaga and the cold play under one roof that's perfect see you again soon yeah I
01:43sincerely hope not fucking bastards stay in those guys
02:13what the hell happened to Roy high knock ah I'm afraid I had to take his
02:16picture off the wall what because of the yes because of them anyway pastures new
02:22Oh who's Suki houseboat yeah she's come over from Debbie I knew I'd get her in
02:27the end things just weren't working out further you know how she feels
02:30Suki house with a slice of that and as much as a sniff since you know who
02:35cleared off get stuck into that no danger please sorry Jane must be the hot
02:42weather please have it with my blood pressure I've no interest in your carnal
02:47rumblings and my brother Blair calls it the summer swell a lot less this season
02:53you know I had to loosen my belt on the underground carry on I will be sick no I
02:57will be sick so what's going on doctor who you can fuck that sky high not after
03:10last time no way well that's no way to greet a fellow scientist would you like
03:15a jelly baby we were weary of your adolescent diversions doctor take him to
03:21the laboratory I'm sure a dissection on that brain could prove very useful to us
03:26yes I could have been anyone in that mask I felt like a top asshole right
03:32well is it I'm not too happy at the moment Jane I feel like I'm in a bit of
03:40a rut here maybe I should broaden my horizons a little the thing is toast you
03:46don't actually have any horizons well that may be what you think Jane plow but
03:51there's a lot more to Stephen toast than meets the eye it's pronounced plough as
03:55you well know as in Brian Clough the sportsman that's odd she seemed to be
03:59able to read my thoughts there now bugger off toast some of us are working
04:06now
04:10money toast you're up early who's that boy one of yours you don't have children
04:16apparently it's Brooklyn Beckham Brooklyn Beckham what Becks and pot
04:21spices Elvis yes I downloaded the image accidentally about a month ago and I
04:25can't get it off the screen all right let's see another wife for Henry by
04:42Paloma toast it's my new novel ed using a non-deployment I've been working on it
04:48for some weeks I'm just pissed off of all those voiceovers and appearing in
04:51that shit play I'm even thinking about getting a new agent do you know Brooke
04:55Hooberman yes I've heard of her David Bowie told me he was thinking of
04:59signing up with her when he was doing the Elephant Man on Broadway they just
05:02went back into the pop scene well she's a hard-nosed American female bastard
05:06and that's exactly what I need and she's in town and she's agreed to meet me so
05:10this novel sexy is it I'd say it's a cross between Hillary Mantel's Wolf Hall
05:17and Fifty Shades of Grey I've read Fifty Shades I say it's down near my favorite
05:21book of all time it's superb and like that book my heroine is a strong-willed
05:25feminist who won't be dominated by anyone so what's the story about I can
05:29read you some if you like please yeah Henry VIII placed his toothbrush
05:35besides Stephanie's he is a dashing royal blue hers a luminous pink how
05:42harmonious they look together in the silver goblet he had given her for
05:46Valentine's Day 1541 oh if only we could live together he thought
05:53remembering the time they made love in the shed where the bows and arrows were
05:57stored for the archery tournament so how does it end well I was thinking that it
06:05may not need an end I don't think I've ever read a book without an end I'm
06:10experimenting with a new literary form so what are you gonna do with it so send
06:14it out to potential publishers already done and the fact that it doesn't have
06:17an end I think will work in my favor I am very excited about this any replies
06:22from the publishers none but I'm hoping Huberman will give it a good push good
06:26for you toast things are picking up at last I think they are read and I'm gonna
06:30tell her that I see myself very much at the peak of my career I can honestly
06:34say I've never acted better in my life there's always openings in Hollywood for
06:40British actors butlers and chauffeurs and that kind of shit sorry about having
06:48to meet you in a car my office isn't quite ready yet I'm also about to
06:54embark on a complimentary career as a novelist I understand you have strong
07:00contacts in the literary world I do actually know a publisher called Yvonne
07:06Riley had a bit of a nervous breakdown due to overwork but she's back if she
07:12likes a book she really gets behind it does this mean you're taking me on as a
07:16client do you have representation at the moment I'm with someone who's basically
07:21as old as the pyramids and as dynamic as a weather forecast sorry it's an old
07:27friend of mine Jane Pluff do you know her if I'm honest it was bloody
07:34embarrassing but she said she wouldn't tell Jane who is Jane again Jane is my
07:39agent so you're some kind of actor I'm not a kind of actor I am an actor sorry
07:44my name's toast Stephen toast I'm Kate Kate Kahn Kate Kate's in my top 20
07:52favorite female names number 18 actually I love a sing-along don't you yes why
07:59don't you have a go I don't normally sing there is one song I'm told I
08:04perform particularly well sing it go on get me a drink and then sing the song
08:09what will you have vodka and coke Ian could you get the lady of vodka and coke
08:14please
08:24I'd like to dedicate this next song to a beautiful lady in the audience called
08:30Kate this is an old song about London
09:00Bravo slayed that shit guys fuck off it old timer Stephen this is my arm
09:20deeper ah nice to meet you deeper hope you don't mind if she sits there no I
09:28enjoyed that it was unusual that's another string to my bow what's the deal
09:34with your aunt oh she likes these nights out
09:37unfortunately she's deaf and blind also as a slight limp my mother usually cares
09:42for her but one month every year I come to London and give mum a bit of a break
09:45so she's deaf blind and with a bit of a limp something of a fiasco one might say
09:50would you like to go to a club club there's a club I go to around it you
09:54like dancing of course come on let's have some fun
09:59Oh yes yes that's good all right come on you don't mind me wearing my sports
10:22no what's wrong are you sure she can't hear or see anything no I told you she's
10:29deaf and blind isn't it why she doesn't know what's going on
10:34what did she have to be in the bedroom yes I can keep an eye on her here and
10:38honestly she's completely oblivious to this yes yes
10:51I feel like she's watching I know it sounds weird
11:00all right come in Stephen toast Wow what what a book oh thank you it's
11:12seriously one of the best things I have ever read I think it's actually much
11:17sexier than Fifty Shades and just much better than any of Mantel's books I mean
11:21I love Hillary she's one of my best friends but can she write strong female
11:26characters I don't think so but you've created this incredible strong-willed
11:32believable independent woman she's amazing and you're not concerned she's a
11:37columnist with a left-wing newspaper not in the slightest okay they probably
11:40didn't have newspapers like the Guardian in the 16th century and they didn't have
11:44columnist like Stephanie that's her name isn't it yes Stephanie the
11:48Squasson but who cares we just kind of go with it because the character is so
11:51brilliant she doesn't take any shit from Henry VIII totally in control of that
11:56situation and obviously the dominant sexual partner yeah well that was very
12:00important for me when I was writing it well we're so excited about this here
12:03you just put this together where the hell did you find that photograph of me
12:10oh it's a collage first I should say it's not right we can do much better
12:17but the size is correct but listen this is the most important part major ads in
12:25all the trade papers heavy TV and cinema advertising we are really gonna sell this
12:30book because we believe in it so much I can see this being quite seriously the
12:37biggest book of all time and I hate hyperbole I hate all that bullshit and I
12:42see it all the time but this book really is that good
12:44oh I'm glad you like it as much as I do publicity are planning a massive
12:48celebratory lunch there's a possibility we can get Obama along to it
12:52oh-ho-ho top-notch can I ask you Steve do you have a wife or partner well I'm
12:57having sex with an Indian lady which is great it is complicated by the presence
13:00of a third party because we can organize getting an A-list Hollywood actress
13:05along to a company on the day yes I'd like that very much I'll contact Brooke
13:09about the sums involved here obviously we're talking millions but I don't want
13:13to even discuss that with you now because the book isn't quite finished
13:17it needs an end well I was thinking I could get away without having an end no
13:21no absolutely not who told you that Ben Elton who having an end is very
13:26important we need to know what happens to Stephanie don't worry you could tie
13:31up the whole thing in a few paragraphs maybe even a sentence or two but it
13:35does need an end all right I'll try and think of one and thank you Stephen for
13:40writing the greatest book of all time I was a moving ship photos Henry VIII felt
13:50hot that day and not just because the Sun was leaning down on the ramparts of
13:54Hampton Court Palace Stephanie began to undress slowly before her monarch Henry
14:00responded by loosening some of his heavy armor oh I like that toast that's
14:04got me going come on this is great sex absolutely superb stuff that's cuz I'm
14:20in a good mood she's recording your aunt seems to be filming us making love come
14:27on toast she's just playing with her phone I told you she can't hear or see
14:31anything well if she's deaf and blind why does she need a camera every phone
14:38has a camera these days oh oh that was lovely excuse me for a moment let's go
14:44to the bathroom I don't believe her I wonder if you really can't see or hear
14:53hey you there
14:59ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
15:20bet you've not seen anything like this for a while have you yeah what are you
15:28What are you doing to Aunt Deepa?
15:30Ha, ha, ha!
15:33He's got to make sure, guys.
15:35Still working on the novel, Toast?
15:37Must be nearly finished if you don't need an end.
15:39Well, looks like it may need an end after all.
15:42Publisher lady thinks it's crucial.
15:44What happens to Stephanie de Soissons?
15:46It's a tough nut to crack.
15:48I'm sure it's easy enough to think of an end.
15:50You could kill everyone.
15:52I need to get out of here.
15:54Clear my head.
15:55Good thinking, Toast.
15:58I'm sure you'll definitely, definitely
16:00be able to think of something.
16:03Definitely.
16:04How the shit am I going to end this book?
16:06How about, this'll cure the toothache,
16:08uttered Stephanie de Soissons as the executioner raised
16:11an impressive axe.
16:13The end.
16:13Well, that might work.
16:15As the sun went down over Hampton Court Palace,
16:17Henry watched the starship containing Stephanie de
16:20Soissons zoom vertically up into outer space.
16:23Could be popular with the young set.
16:25What a perfect day, Stephanie thought to herself
16:27as she pulled up her wedding dress, undid her flies,
16:29and urinated into the urinal.
16:31The end.
16:32These are awful.
16:33Right as block, right as cock, more like.
16:36Oh, my god.
16:37180.
16:39You're on form today, Deepa.
16:42Deepa?
16:43Deepa?
16:44Deepa?
16:46Do you want to have a pint?
16:47Nah, I'm cool.
16:48Oi.
16:48Oh, fuck.
16:49Fuck.
16:52Scam.
16:53Better go, Dave.
16:54I bloody knew it.
16:56All this not hearing and seeing stuff.
16:58Total bullshit.
16:59Am I right?
17:00Look, I was deaf and blind.
17:02But last year, I went to the holy temple in India
17:04and received a miracle cure.
17:07I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want to lose me benefits.
17:09So you're a benefits cheat.
17:11You know, it's because of people like you
17:13that the membership of the UK Independence Party
17:15has gone up 12-fold.
17:16Do tell everyone.
17:18Oh, I will.
17:19I will.
17:20In fact, officer, stop that woman.
17:23She's a benefits cheat.
17:25Well, go on.
17:33Cheater.
17:39Shit ain't easy, man.
17:55On and from, and on we're ending, crawling tall.
18:08Although descending, such a void must control.
18:21Pretending truth is bleak.
18:27After all, we're ending.
18:44This is a routine fire drill.
18:47Would everybody in the library please leave the building.
18:50This is a routine fire drill.
18:53This is a routine fire drill.
19:00I've got it, Ed.
19:01What?
19:02An end.
19:03I've got the end to my novel.
19:04I see.
19:05Oh, well done.
19:06It's truly inspired.
19:08I'm very pleased with it.
19:09Come on, then.
19:10Do tell.
19:10What happens to the fair and feisty Stephanie de Soissons?
19:13Spontaneous combustion.
19:15Spontaneous combustion?
19:17Yes.
19:18Stephanie de Soissons spontaneously combusts?
19:21You must be fucking joking.
19:24It's a ridiculous cop-out.
19:26Is the end of Moby Dick the whale spontaneously combusting?
19:29Did J.K. Rowling have Harry Potter bursting into flames to tie up her series of seven hugely successful novels?
19:37People can spontaneously combust.
19:39It's on the internet.
19:40No, they can't.
19:41Yes, they can.
19:42Though rare, there have been exactly 200 documented cases.
19:46It's totally unbelievable.
19:48To think I offered you the sun, moon, and stars, and this is the best ending you can think of.
19:54I had a nervous breakdown, and I come back to work after six months and have to deal with this shit.
19:59And I'd tell you something else, you little prick, if I ever.
20:04Holy fucking combustion.
20:09Well, that's not going to help my book.
20:12Fucking hell.
20:15She was just saying how completely unbelievable it would be for someone to spontaneously combust.
20:20And then, bang!
20:23I mean, it was the definition of irony.
20:25Irony writ very large.
20:27Yes, I guess we'll never know what causes spontaneous combustion.
20:30It's one of the great mysteries, like the moon landings.
20:33Excuse me.
20:36Toast?
20:38Ah, well that is promising.
20:40All the best.
20:42Who was that, Toast?
20:42Brooke Huberman.
20:44Apparently, a Hollywood film producer called Dinky Frinkbuster wants to meet.
20:47Hollywood producer, eh?
20:48Oh, that's impressive.
20:50Must be staying somewhere like Claridge's or the Dorchester.
20:52I expect so.
20:55Wow.
20:58Make yourself comfortable, Toast.
21:01You want a banana?
21:02No, I'm good.
21:04So, what's this movie about, Frinkbuster?
21:06Well, it's about a couple of lesbian lovers, right?
21:08And they get kind of bored of the lesbian sex.
21:10So one goes out with this big black bodybuilder.
21:12The other one stays at home, lying in the sun,
21:14until a hunky British guy comes by to clean out the pool.
21:18Okay, so I need to get the overall picture.
21:20What would you say the theme of the film is?
21:22What do you mean, theme?
21:23So I'm playing the British pool cleaner?
21:25Yeah.
21:26So what's my relationship with the girl?
21:31We just fuck her.
21:33Well, that sounds like it could be a porn film.
21:36Look, I've seen your work.
21:37What?
21:37Hoping not at cross purposes here.
21:42Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
21:44Holy fuck!
21:49Have you seen that?
21:50That's outrageous!
21:51Got half a million hits?
21:53That Indian lady with the sunglasses
21:55is not a professional filmmaker.
21:56She's a benefits fraudster.
21:58Why don't you shoot yourself?
22:01Hold your horses.
22:01Don't turn it off.
22:04Yeah.
22:06Yes.
22:08How many hits?
22:08Half a million.
22:09Is that good?
22:10You're a superstar.
22:12Holy fuck.
22:15You are lucky.
22:17She sure is.
22:21Porno.
22:23Toast.
22:24You fucking snake!
22:26Going behind my back with all that secret squirrel stuff.
22:30Sit up straight when I'm talking to you.
22:33I asked her not to tell you.
22:34Brooke and I are very old friends.
22:36Of course she's going to tell me if one of my clients
22:37is trying to jump shit, you fucking idiot.
22:40Well, nothing material.
22:42You do have some ridiculous ideas, don't you?
22:44Hollywood films, novel writing.
22:47I'm this close to taking your picture off my wall.
22:53Oh, come on, Jane.
22:54I shall think about this, John.
22:55I didn't let you know my decision in the morning.
22:59What's up?
23:00Be needed in the studio at 10 o'clock.
23:08Bzzz.
23:11Bzzz.
23:14Mummy's honey.
23:15Bzzz.
23:18Bzzz.
23:21Look, I'm going to need some direction.
23:23Which B am I meant to be?
23:26What's this?
23:31Yes!
23:37How'd you get that picture?
23:48This shit is wacky, and I love it, guys.
23:51All right, hold on a second.
23:52We got to talk about it.
23:53A lot of sex on this episode.
23:55Man, that wink for that lady had me dying here.
23:58Hold on.
23:59Thank you if you made it this far.
24:00Thank you, guys.
24:01Ladies and gentlemen, we'll ask you this question.
24:04Where the hell did you find that photograph of me, man?
24:07Holy shit, man.
24:09Paloma Tose.
24:11You know, listen.
24:12My boy, Steven Tose, a man of many, many talents.
24:16From the voice of an angel to rivaling writing from the likes of like 50 Shades of Grey kind of novel here.
24:27He's writing some porno type shit, you know, kind of novel.
24:32And, you know, he sings well.
24:34He acts well.
24:35I mean, there's nothing this guy can't do.
24:37He's a porn man now.
24:39Shit, man.
24:40Slaying.
24:41My man was slaying that chick there.
24:44And, man, it was feeling very third wheel like, you know, with, you know, the grandma there.
24:51And, yeah, I don't know.
24:52Just something felt off there, man.
24:54Just felt a little bit like, I don't know, eerie or some shit.
24:57But I definitely feel like she was eyeing that guy there.
25:01And it was so hilarious with these sex scenes.
25:04Don't worry, man.
25:05She's good.
25:06She can't hear.
25:07She's deaf.
25:08She's blind.
25:09No, no, no, man.
25:10So that little twist was cool.
25:12That spontaneous combustion shit was crazy.
25:15Who would have knew?
25:17We get some sort of Doctor Who reference there.
25:20You guys will have to fill me in if that's an actual scene.
25:24I know I got to ask the stupid question.
25:26Obviously we haven't watched Doctor Who or anything like that.
25:29So please fill me in there with that Doctor Who little scene with the aliens and shit.
25:34Real scene.
25:35Just some made-up shit right now with Toast.
25:38Let me know in the comments down below.
25:40But, yeah, just thoroughly enjoying this show.
25:42You know, Toast, you know, writing, you know, struggling to come up with this crazy ending here.
25:48But, man, rivaling Fifty Shades of Grey.
25:52Going a little bit on a backdoor action to potentially get a new agent.
25:56I mean, honestly, I don't know.
25:58I definitely feel for Toast there that she don't really be helping him out.
26:02But, you know, we could be bugging there.
26:04But she's going to take his ass down from that shit, from the plaque of all these celebrities here.
26:10I almost kind of wanted to pause it there.
26:13I'll have to go back.
26:14I want to look at all the names there.
26:16But, yeah, I definitely think this was a good episode.
26:18You know, it's just wacky, crazy, funny.
26:21The singing going on and this shit.
26:23The readings never get old with these wankers in the background there.
26:28Busting my boy's chop there.
26:31Which one am I in shit?
26:33You know, just crazy-ass shit going on here.
26:36I'm just all for it.
26:37You know, Matt Berry just does an absolutely spectacular, you know, performance.
26:42He is just exceptional.
26:44And I cannot stop stressing that.
26:46But, yeah, the porno scenes going on.
26:49My boy informing the police that she's cheating the system and shit.
26:53I don't know why.
26:54It reminds me of things like, you know, like Rav and shit, man.
26:58You know, sometimes people cheating the system there.
27:01But, oh, my God.
27:03She was running away.
27:04She had that little wink there when she was recording.
27:07Those sex scenes, man.
27:09That shit cracks me up so bad, man.
27:11But, yeah, I just enjoyed it.
27:13You know, these episodes go very quickly.
27:15It's only like 20-something minutes.
27:16But, yeah, the humor is there.
27:18The characters are there.
27:20You know, yeah, just slaying it, man.
27:24So we don't want to be boring people, you know, with my thoughts all the time.
27:28But, yeah, please fill me in with the Doctor Who stuff, with the reference there.
27:32Definitely I don't know if it's a real one or not.
27:35But either way, it was still a funny-ass scene there.
27:38Obviously the beginning scenes with a lot of these readout things going on here, I found that to be funny.
27:44That song, I don't know what fucking song that was, guys.
27:47I'm horrible with music and shit.
27:49But when she's, like, coming on to him, like, you know what?
27:52Get me a drink, you know, the Coke and vodka and some shit, Coke and rum, something like that.
27:57And she's like, yeah, and play me, go sing me a song and shit.
28:01And he goes up to sing that song, man, that fucking song.
28:04I don't know what the fuck that shit was, but that was absolutely hilarious there.
28:08So just enjoying the show.
28:10They go quickly.
28:12The episodes go quickly.
28:13I'm just having fun with it.
28:14So if that's anything that you get out of it, you know, let me know your thoughts in the comments down below.
28:19Favorite part, what you liked, what you didn't like.
28:22Yeah, Matt Berry, I can't praise that guy enough times.
28:25So we will continue our journey.
28:26Thanks for hanging out.
28:27Don't forget to like, comment, subscribe.
28:29We'll see you on the next one.
28:30And thank you for hanging out with me.
28:32Peace.
28:33Peace.
28:43Peace.