The One
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Subtitling by SUBS Hamburg
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08:54You have a visitor.
08:56I'm coming.
09:00Hi.
09:02Hi.
09:04Can I help you?
09:06I'm Bert.
09:10I'm your one that's the one.
09:16Don't come in.
09:18Sorry.
09:20That's ridiculous.
09:22I'm your one that's the one.
09:24Of course not.
09:26I apologize for asking you this.
09:28Are you a homosexual?
09:30No.
09:32Neither am I.
09:34There's been some kind of mix-up.
09:36I guess so.
09:38I want my money back.
09:40None taken.
09:42Man.
09:44Don't take it so hard, buddy.
09:46It's just...
09:48I don't know.
09:50It just sucks.
09:52It sucks to be born below the line.
09:54What neighborhood?
09:56I used to sell cars down there before I got transferred.
09:58No way.
10:00God, I was happy for that.
10:02Tell me about it.
10:04Well, it was nice meeting you all the same.
10:06Bert Chund.
10:08Yeah, you too.
10:10Honestly, I'm just...
10:12I don't know.
10:14I'm glad if someone finally showed up.
10:16I'm sorry about that.
10:18There's something I should work on.
10:20No, don't think twice about it.
10:22Well, hey, listen, I got kind of hungry.
10:24I was actually...
10:26I was gonna go grab some food.
10:28I don't know. You wanna come?
10:30Yeah, I could eat.
10:32You ever go to Al's?
10:34Al's Diner? Below the line?
10:36Love that place.
10:38Reason for going below the line?
10:40I'm gonna get diner food.
10:42Gross.
10:44Normally I don't love patting people down,
10:46Okay, let's go.
10:48Right behind you.
10:50Bye.
11:00I love when they're gonna blow the door off that armored car.
11:02Oh, yes, yes.
11:04And they decide not to.
11:06It blows up anyway.
11:08I love that show.
11:10Hey, Al.
11:12What do you want?
11:14Egg white omelette.
11:16Egg white omelette,
11:18but could you fry the yolks and put them on the side?
11:20What? No way.
11:22That's my order.
11:24I mean, that's literally what I ordered.
11:26It's so funny, because I like the yolks.
11:28Separately?
11:30I'm gonna do the same.
11:32Okay.
11:34What do you ask?
11:36It's unbelievable.
11:38But then my wife passed away.
11:40Oh, I'm sorry about that.
11:42Oh, it's okay.
11:44It was a long time ago.
11:46I got this.
11:48Oh, no, come on, let me get it.
11:50No, no, no, no, I got it.
11:52I invited you.
11:54No, no, I got it.
11:56All right? Thank you.
11:58Well, that was fun.
12:00Yeah, that was a blast.
12:02And look, if I ever need a new car,
12:04I know who to call, right?
12:06Sure, I'm a desk jockey now.
12:08Listen, I'm back this way, actually, so...
12:10Oh.
12:12See you around?
12:14Oh, I'm sorry.
12:16No, it's weird that I went for the hug.
12:20Take it easy.
12:22Yep. Bye.
12:24Yeah.
12:36Hello?
12:38Hello?
12:44Hello?
12:50Hello?
12:56Dr. Najari.
13:02Hello?
13:04Hello?
13:12Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
13:20Well, I guess he didn't want to give us our money back.
13:22Yeah, I guess not.
13:24Good to see you.
13:26What are you doing? You want to get lunch or something?
13:28Well, I had some work to do, but...
13:30You like grilled cheese?
13:34Yeah.
13:36Oh.
13:38That was crazy.
13:40I had no idea that was gonna happen.
13:42Me neither.
13:44Well, maybe some idea.
13:48Did you still want that grilled cheese?
13:50Nope.
13:52I don't even like grilled cheese.
13:54I'm lactose intolerant.
13:56Stop.
13:58You dog.
14:04Stop.
14:06Stop.
14:08Stop.
14:10Stop.
14:12Stop.
14:14Stop.
14:16Stop.
14:18Stop.
14:20Stop.
14:22Stop.
14:24Stop.
14:26Stop.
14:28Stop.
14:30Stop.
14:32Stop.
14:34Stop.
14:36Stop.
14:48I can't believe I'm gonna meet your parents.
14:50Do I look okay?
14:52Stop it.
14:54You look great.
14:56You like my sweater vest?
14:58Yes, I love it.
15:00Daddy!
15:01Here they are!
15:02Hi, guys!
15:03Oh, good to see you.
15:06Mom, Dad, this is Bert.
15:08Hi, I'm Ron.
15:10Very nice to meet you, Mr. Chund.
15:11Call me Bert.
15:12My father was Mr. Chund.
15:15He's as witty as you said, Stu.
15:17I'm Linda.
15:18Enchanté.
15:20Oh, bonjour.
15:24Okay, here.
15:25Yeah, take it easy, Ma.
15:28Oh, I love that song.
15:32Hey, let's sing it.
15:33Whoa, whoa, cha-cha.
15:35Please, Mr. Longarm Man, don't check my bag up.
15:39Don't check my bag up.
15:42Oh, I love Marlo Umphrey.
15:45I saw him live 17 times.
15:47Oh, Stu, you sure know how to choose them.
15:49Thanks, Dad.
15:50I was kind of nervous that you guys would be, I don't know, upset about his age.
15:54Oh.
15:55Are you kidding me?
15:56You've given us another old fogey to talk about the good old days with.
15:59Yeah.
16:00Oh, hey, Linda.
16:01Stu mentioned that you like owls.
16:03And so I picked one up for you.
16:07I hope you like it.
16:08Bert.
16:09Oh, that's so sweet.
16:12Oh.
16:13Oh.
16:14Wow.
16:15Oh, a mechanical owl.
16:18Oh, it's beautiful.
16:20Oh, it'll look perfect with my collection.
16:25Are you guys staying for dinner?
16:27Please.
16:28Dinner?
16:29Yeah.
16:30Sure, thank you.
16:31Yay.
16:34Jesus, I'm nervous.
16:36I'm sweating.
16:37Don't be.
16:38They're great kids.
16:39Besides, this is different from me meeting your parents.
16:42These are my kids.
16:43And if they don't like you, I'll tell them they have to.
16:49I just feel like they'll be comparing me to their mother.
16:51Stu, listen, Martha was a wonderful woman.
16:53If you passed away, none of our lives were the same.
16:55But these are good kids.
16:56They want to see their dad happy.
16:58Kids!
16:59There they are.
17:00Liza, this is Stu.
17:02Hi.
17:03Hi.
17:04Nice to meet you.
17:05You too.
17:06Dad, you didn't tell me he was super hot.
17:08I wanted to surprise you.
17:10Booj, this is Stu.
17:12Booj, how are you?
17:15Forget this.
17:16I'll be in the backyard.
17:18Sorry, he's just adjusting.
17:21I'm going to go talk to him.
17:22Actually, no, you know what?
17:25Let me go talk to him.
17:39Hey, bud.
17:41Hey.
17:44You're, uh, you're pretty great on that thing.
17:52Hey, you, uh, you like safe fall?
17:58Yeah, I guess.
18:00Why don't you go along?
18:03Come on.
18:04It'll be fun.
18:08Hey, yo, get out there.
18:12You, uh, play in high school?
18:14Yeah, I played at Central Awards.
18:16Hey, I played at Highland Awards.
18:19Man, you above the line guys always kicked our butts.
18:26Listen, how you holding up?
18:29It's just, you're not my mom.
18:31Hey, hey, I totally get that.
18:34All right?
18:35I don't want to be your mom.
18:37Look, I couldn't be.
18:38From what your dad says, she was one of a kind.
18:41Yeah, she, she was.
18:44But I mean, that's not everything.
18:46Come on, champ.
18:47You can tell me.
18:48After mom died, I just got really depressed.
18:52So then eventually, my assigned mate
18:55filed for unassignment.
18:57Well, look, have you tried going to the therapy
18:59vending machines?
19:00Oh, that's what my sister did.
19:01I don't know.
19:02I, I feel like I should maybe try to just figure it
19:05out for myself.
19:07Listen.
19:09Hey, it's OK.
19:11Look at me.
19:12You don't think I was scared getting
19:14into this with your dad?
19:16I was terrified.
19:18He's a big man.
19:20Yeah?
19:21Yeah.
19:22Well, listen, if there's one thing that I can tell you,
19:25it's that anything, anything can be overcome
19:28with a little bit of courage.
19:31And I know you got some of that, right?
19:35You just got to find it.
19:36Where is it?
19:37Huh?
19:38Is it there?
19:39No.
19:40No? Is it over there?
19:41No.
19:42Where is that?
19:43Where's that courage?
19:44It's not there.
19:45It's right here.
19:46Yeah, that's where it is.
19:47There's my big guy.
19:49You all right?
19:51Come here.
19:55Thanks, Stu.
20:05Hey, uh, Egg White.
20:06When are you going to finish that up and give
20:08your old man a back rub?
20:09Why am I the one decorating this tree?
20:11And why am I the one giving the back rub?
20:15Who could that be at this time?
20:17You have a visitor.
20:18Come on in.
20:21You.
20:22That's the guy from the One That's the One commercial.
20:24No, I'm the technician from Najari Labs.
20:26Same guy.
20:27I assure you I'm not.
20:28Huh.
20:29Mr. Chund, Mr. Maxim.
20:30We're both Mr. Maxim now.
20:32Oh.
20:33Well, I don't normally make house calls,
20:35but this is a special situation.
20:37You see, when Dr. Najari computed your input
20:40at the One That's the One, he made a mistake.
20:43He forgot to carry the one.
20:45You are not each other's One That's the One.
20:47But we've been together for a year.
20:48Yeah.
20:49I mean, we're married.
20:50I can't apologize enough.
20:51It's the first mistake in the history
20:53of the One That's the One.
20:54Mr. Maxim, this is your One That's the One.
20:59Oh.
21:00Mr. Maxim, this is yours.
21:04Al from the diner?
21:05Yes.
21:06And it's still a dude?
21:07Yes.
21:08Huh.
21:09We should have connected you two.
21:10Al got so lonely, he relocated to Irmingblam.
21:13Irmingblam's horrible this time of year.
21:15So humid.
21:16Listen, we don't care what you say, OK?
21:17We're satisfied with these results.
21:19We really love one another.
21:20We're happy.
21:21I understand that, but you can't argue the science.
21:23Forget the science.
21:24We work.
21:25I mean, we may contradict some data,
21:26but why would that matter?
21:27I'm afraid this is about more than just you two.
21:30Dr. Najari?
21:31Were you waiting out by the entranceway all this time?
21:33Why didn't you just walk in?
21:35I don't know.
21:36I sure looked weird.
21:37That's your opinion.
21:39You see, the upper classes are assigned
21:41mates at birth to preserve order.
21:43There is much more at stake here than just your relationship.
21:46Order is the foundation of our community, above the line.
21:50You two have been mandated for separation.
21:53What?
21:54No.
21:55No way are we separating.
21:56You should have looked more closely at your paperwork.
21:58In a fine print, it says that in the event of a mistake,
22:01separation is legally required.
22:03Who's going to make us?
22:04Yeah, I am.
22:06Actually, those two will, but because I tell them to.
22:10Were you two out here this whole time?
22:12Yeah, again, just super weird.
22:14Like, how many more people are in the house?
22:16Shut up.
22:17You have two hours to separate.
22:20What?
22:23Two hours?
22:24Two hours.
22:25Yeah, I got it.
22:28Well, that's everything.
22:32You want to try to take these guys out?
22:35I'm going to miss you so much.
22:37They're armed.
22:38We can't take them.
22:49This could have been great.
22:50It was great.
22:53Hey, I know.
22:55Come here.
22:58Shh.
23:03Did you get your pot ticket?
23:04Yep.
23:06Leaving for Irmingblum, 10 PM Thursday.
23:10Uh, my car homie's here, so.
23:18My car homie's here, so I got to go.
23:29Bye, Bert.
23:32Good luck in Irmingblum.
23:34Goodbye, Hank White.
23:48♪
24:02♪ If you're looking for something better
24:05So did you notice that I get my egg whites right
24:08the day I get the yolks on the side?
24:11Why would you do that?
24:13Because I don't like them with no egg whites, so.
24:17♪
24:31♪
24:47♪ If you ain't no better lover
24:49Oh, can't you hear me
24:51When I say
24:55Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
24:57Uh, nothing, nothing.
25:00I'm doing nothing.
25:04I should be doing something.
25:10Hey!
25:12Hey!
25:15Bert!
25:17♪
25:26Bert!
25:29Bert!
25:31Bert, wait!
25:33Bert, wait!
25:35♪
25:40♪
25:44Why am I always late?
25:47Good thing I'm always late, too.
25:51♪
26:06Screw science.
26:08Yeah, screw science.
26:10♪
26:14♪
26:44♪
26:48♪
26:52♪
26:56♪
27:00♪
27:04♪
27:08♪
27:12♪
27:16♪
27:20♪
27:24♪
27:28♪
27:32You know, I think we're gonna like it here.
27:34Me, too, egg white.
27:36♪
27:41You know what? I want to try something silly.
27:43Let me try it.
27:45Yeah, yeah.
27:47There we go.
27:49No, no, no.
27:51I'll walk.
27:53Yeah, yeah.
27:55All right.
27:57♪
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