Frasier Season 5 Episode 14 The Ski Lodge
Frasier Season 5 Episode 14 The Ski Lodge
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TVTranscript
00:00oh well good show today Ross I particularly thought oh my god there's
00:05that Connie from promotion every time she sees me she hits me up for another
00:10charity Ross maybe it's time to set some limits good lord how hard can it be to
00:16say no just once oh well look what I'm talking to hi Frazier Ross I was okay
00:23wait Connie before you say anything there's something I need to get off my
00:26chest I have bought Girl Scout cookies from you I have paid for your kids band
00:32uniforms I bought tickets to every raffle your church ever had and I'm
00:37tapped out so whatever it is you came to say to me I'm not interested well I'll
00:42just go then oh by the way my church had its raffle drawing yesterday you won the
00:48grand prize sorry to bother you Oh Connie Connie I'm sorry Connie don't oh
00:55who cares oh my god it's that free ski weekend listen to this dear winner you
01:08will enjoy a one weekend rental of a deluxe private ski lodge on Mount Baker
01:13complete with lessons from a former Olympic champ it's a grand prize indeed
01:19must admit I'm just a bit in this well listen I hope you have a wonderful
01:23weekend well thank you Frazier it seems a pity you won't be able to take
01:27advantage of those ski lessons hmm well they'll be other stuff to do oh tons
01:33tons just because you can't ski or for that matter hike sled or snowboard
01:38doesn't mean you can't still curl up by a roaring fire with a nice warm snifter
01:44oh sorry the scenery will be nice breathtaking just hope you can endure
01:54the four-hour drive up there and you so carsick these days okay Frazier I know
02:00what you're getting at this is the first thing I have ever won in my entire life
02:04and it means something to me so I'm not gonna sell it or give it away or trade
02:09it for a big-screen TV he's in the envelope
02:25just a cold stopping up my ears I'll be fine
02:29god man whose lawyer are you anyway no I will not calm down they call that a
02:36settlement you call them and turn it down I said turn it down you ninny
02:42geez you could always ask nicely I've got to get a new divorce lawyer Claude
02:51is clearly no match for Marissa's team real sharks are they when we were
02:57courting I sent Marissa Valentine that said you are the girl my heart adores
03:01everything I have is yours now they're calling it a prenup
03:08it's terrible can you imagine using that as a weapon an old Valentine love a cold
03:15Valentine does it you're getting a hearing aid whether you like it or not I
03:21don't need a hearing aid my hearing will be back to normal in no time you said
03:26that two days ago soon you won't be able to hear a word I say yeah wouldn't
03:31that be a tragedy what are you all loitering around before when you should
03:38all be packing packing for what for the fabulous ski weekend I'm taking us on
03:43you're kidding it's a gorgeous ski lodge and an Olympic champion and residents
03:49to give us lessons Oh sounds like heaven skiing all weekend then warming up with
03:55a nice hot rum drink curled up under a blanket in front of a roaring fire I can
04:01feel the steam rising off my toddy already
04:08damn I can't go why not my friend Annie it's her birthday this weekend and I
04:16promised I'd spend it with her well bring her along I know she'd love it
04:21she's very gung-ho for sports she was captain of the girls rugby team at
04:25school well I'm not sure how many bedrooms there are well if we're short
04:30she can have mine well will you sleep well I'll think of something
04:36are you sure you wouldn't mind oh well yes why not I mean what could be more
04:42fun than a gung-ho girls rugby captain I'm sorry but it was the only way
04:53Daphne was going to come and if you think I was going to let a moonlit ski
04:56lodge go to waste you can think again you filed for divorce a week ago can't
05:00you wait a while wait I have waited five long years for this dad don't you think
05:05it's about time I got ten after five listen I was if you want to make a fool
05:12out of yourself with Daphne that is your affair but frankly I would not have
05:15you ruin my ski weekend by inviting along this girl it sounds to me like a
05:18an avalanche risk tell Daphne no guests I called Annie she's all excited turns
05:27out she just bought new skis with the money she made off a new swimsuit
05:31calendar
05:40well I hope you're happy we're stuck with her now Wow look at this place Wow
05:52look at this place nothing like a change of scenery huh what do you
06:01suppose the TV is this place is terrific yes glad we got here alive we were
06:13taking those curves so sharply or Annie kept getting thrown up against you what
06:19can I say I'm a bad driver I grant you she's in humbly but don't you find her
06:27a terrible but with the flight euphemism be stupid
06:31now she is just unschooled like lies to do little I'm fine in the right Henry
06:37Higgins she'll be ready for a ball in no time leave it to you to put the pig
06:43back in Pygmalion thank you this place is just lovely yes look at that Vista
06:54it's stunning what's one in mind of the Matterhorn doesn't it I wouldn't know
07:00I'm not very musical
07:06that's a relief the way you were swerving on the ride up here I was
07:10afraid this would get broken I'm gonna make us all a batch of my
07:14special hot buttered rum it's cold in the mountains you need a little fat in
07:18your booze good thinking dad you know after that I'll whip us up a nice batch
07:24of pork nog oh Daphne here let me help you with your luggage what room did you
07:33want that one on the left upstairs should have a nice view coincidence it's
07:39right next to my room oh I'll take the one next to that right let me take that
07:43for you
07:46it's quite a cutie now he's the one getting divorced yeah Paul things been
07:54just miserable well I may just have to cheer him up you just leave dr. Crane
08:00alone no offense but I've seen the way you go through men the last thing he
08:05needs is for someone else to break his heart it's my birthday and besides
08:11you're not his nanny can't we just have a nice relaxing ski trip just this whole
08:16weekend have to be about sex I am geek Daphne I mean I hope you're ready to ski
08:27tomorrow I'm going to work you very hard
08:32did some the Frenchman you can have him he's not half as cute as dr. Crane oh
08:40enough my ears are burning
08:45did you make me a ski instructor okay I will also be your chef tonight on
08:52ski champion and gourmet was it for me that was a fun say oh we should have it
08:58as he was Barry conjugate a to do speak very well
09:01wait oh you speak French as well no all I know how to say is wait
09:11that should be enough to get you through the weekend
09:15look at that two deer in the snow just kind of nuzzling each other oh how
09:25romantic yes to not to put ideas in one's head isn't it
09:35yes I should say so absolutely
09:45you
10:02look at you you're handy a chef the ski jump is there anything you don't do
10:09there are a few things nice you look pleasant ago simply had to change after
10:22all that rum and good food but I was gonna burst out of my trousers
10:28whoa dr. Cray what a smashing row
10:35oh yes well look at this I finished my buttered rum never thought it'd be said
10:46that Fraser Crane would allow a woman to go thirsty yeah see let's go see if
10:50it's finished that second batch two more all right almost there I just have
11:01to replace some of this rum that's boiled off yeah just what I may need
11:05she's all over poor dr. crane as it is after I begged her to leave him alone I
11:10couldn't Annie be hot for Frasier what Annie hot for Frasier oh I should just
11:20forget about those two and concentrate on ghee he's a salted tall drink of
11:26water I could really go there you go oh well thank you dear but actually it's
11:36the rum I'm after I think it'll be just the thing that clinched things with
11:40Annie Annie yes oh I know something about that she's hot for you says who
11:46Daphne she said Annie's hot for Frasier my charms would work on her my god I
11:54should register this dressing gown with the love police I know the pain you're
12:03going through I mean I've never been divorced myself but my last boyfriend
12:07was eventually what you need is something to take your mind off it I'll
12:16tell you what always works for me time to go upstairs I need to give you your
12:22birthday present is in the room see you in a bit hello her friend Daphne she did
12:39not like the way Annie was flirting with you no she didn't did she no in fact she
12:46dragged her right off to her bedroom
12:52I think I know what that means I think we both know Daphne was jealous she was
13:10jealous wasn't she I don't believe it I'm surprised by nothing
13:18you know I think you did not like Annie's flirting either oh it was that
13:26obvious and he's not your cup of tea well just between us my interests lie
13:37elsewhere this weekend
13:44really
13:48ready Oh keep perhaps you could help my dad with the drinks oh that's your
13:56service thank you Daphne wants me she told you that well no but Annie was
14:08flirting with me and Daphne dragged her off to a room in a jealous rage no no no
14:12no Annie was not flirting with you she's hot for me I think I know when I'm being
14:16flirt oh please that's for God's sake you weren't really all the limit I saw
14:19what you're delusional next thing you know you've been telling me the keys
14:22after you how do you like your room was kind of small but it has a nice view
14:34oh yeah oh yeah I wonder if it's clouded my judgment about something your son
14:45eyes is it my imagination or is he attracted only right there it's not your
14:54imagination he's got it bad this is not a delicate subject for you oh no no
15:05Niles has had those feelings for years of course I didn't encourage it during
15:09his so-called marriage but now that it's free whatever makes him happy I
15:14say go for it
15:18wonderful father
15:24Oh Daphne just in time well Annie that's a lovely girl just gave it to me
15:35she did
15:41hmm wow dad this was even stronger than the last batch first time I made it was
15:48for your mother you know I I wanted to pop the question but I was afraid she'd
15:54say no this gave me the nerve to ask her and I got myself a great big yes and I
16:00wasn't the only yes I got from that night either still scares me how close I
16:07came to chickening out though you know as you get older and it's not the
16:12failures that you regret or are the times you made an ass of yourselves the
16:18times you never even tried when you just lost your nerve wise words you're here
16:29faint heart never one fair lady I'd certainly hope that if a man fancied me
16:37he wouldn't be afraid to take a chance go for a bold gesture yes we must never
16:48be too timid to pursue our hearts desire and no give a damn what they weren't
16:55things right to me soon indeed it takes an hour to make one of these things but
17:07it's worth it just to sit here and savor every sip
17:14no but you might go on already are you all right all right enjoy your van well
17:24I'd enjoy it more if it had a TV in it I thought Daphne's room was there must
18:07I know what you want don't be timid go for it
18:15Daphne
18:33hello it's Niles I can't wait if I don't say this now I may lose my nerve I need
18:43you I wanted you since the moment I laid eyes on you I feel the exact same
18:49way I see you're surprised I've tried to send you signals tonight but as usual
18:58I was too damn subtle just promise you won't mention this to Daphne my lips are
19:04sealed nice I thought I heard your voice in here what do you want nice you told me you
19:21wanted to see that thing oh yes thank you for reminding me what thing it won't take
19:33long I'll catch you later boy that was close I owe you a big one
19:39your room oh good point gee she's right next door she's bound to hear me in there
19:49we can go in my room it's much safer no matter how hard I try I'm bound to make noise
19:54me too Daphne dr. Crane please moon is your room not satisfactory oh dear I seem to have
20:08made a dreadful mistake what are you doing in Guy's room oh is this Guy's room then
20:13oh no it makes sense I'll just go oh wait for me the hall is
20:24horribly dark I'll show you the way my room should be safe now very well I'll see you later
20:30excellent yes dr. Crane oh hello pleasure what were you two doing in Guy's room just saying
20:45good night now we're off to say good night to Annie oh good night to you dr. Crane safe
20:50trip yes thank you so Annie how long will you be oh just a minute or two right is that
21:01champagne oh yes I was just about to deliver it to dad well carry on before you see Annie
21:15can you come to my room what for there's something I need to tell you this may come
21:23as a surprise to you didn't I tell you to leave dr. Crane alone and now I see why you want to do
21:32more to yourself I do not want you more to myself oh I see it's a threesome you're after well I
21:41don't do those anymore Annie I think there's been a misunderstanding I don't see how you
21:50barged into my room not five minutes ago and told me how much you wanted me you did well
21:56technically yes I'm so sorry I've ruined everything no you haven't what I said to
22:14Annie I can explain no it's none of my business I'm sorry wrong room all right well so it's this
22:35yes bye-bye sorry again
22:38you almost a crane I want you're not even the sex I want
22:52where is nice
22:57Oh Niles company oh my god what are you doing in here with key
23:08don't be jealous Niles it's not how it looks
23:14what you know as much as I'd like to stay and help you to sort this thing out there
23:30happens to be a very beautiful woman on the other side of this door who wants me a desperate
23:35man I'm naked I'm sorry my father told me that you were hot for me your father did
23:50blame Daphne she told him I did not I said she wanted your brother good nights and I
23:57privacy you're just putting the moves on everyone aren't you
24:04would you kindly get out of my bed I am NOT gay key
24:11easy knowledge of true nature stop chasing this lesbian
24:17your father and said tell me you wanted me my father said I wanted
24:26sleep oh my ears must have popped I can hear again
24:41I suggest we all forget this ever happened and just go to bed oh wait wait wait wait
25:06everybody let me see if I can get this straight all the lust courting through this lodge tonight
25:18all the hormones virtually ricocheting off the walls and no one was chasing me
25:34see you at breakfast
25:48Hey baby, I hear the blues are callin' tossed salads and scrambled eggs, oh my, and maybe
26:02I seem a bit confused, well maybe, but I got you pegged, ha, ha, ha, ha, but I don't know
26:11what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs, they're callin' again, thank you!