The Good Life - S01E06 - The Pagan Rite
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00:30Did you know that the Serenum Toad has got a pointed head?
00:44What brought that up?
00:45I don't know.
00:46It makes you think of things like that.
00:49Cobbling.
00:50Oh.
00:51Has it really?
00:52Got a pointed head.
01:01Huh?
01:04This toad.
01:05Yeah.
01:06I read that in my boy's book of knowledge.
01:09When?
01:11When I was a boy.
01:12Ask a silly question.
01:13Look at that, look at that.
01:14Another couple of quid saved.
01:15Isn't it neat?
01:16Where did you get the rubber for these?
01:24Hmm?
01:25Oh, some old thing I cut up.
01:27That's my wetsuit.
01:28Oh, no.
01:29I wanted that.
01:30What for?
01:31Oh, water skiing.
01:32What do you think?
01:33Well, you only went once, and that was six years ago.
01:34Was it?
01:35Yes.
01:36It frightened you so much, you gave it up.
01:37I was not frightened.
01:38The conditions were exactly the same.
01:39Oh.
01:40Oh.
01:41Oh.
01:42Oh.
01:43Oh.
01:44Oh.
01:45The conditions were against me, that's all.
01:48Those waves were pretty high, you know.
01:49Waves?
01:50On the reservoir?
01:53I could have used it on the holidays.
01:54When the holidays?
01:55You said you said we can't afford a holiday for the next ten years.
02:01Maniac driving the boat into trouble.
02:03Called himself an instructor.
02:05Stopped, start, jerking me off my feet.
02:09Didn't give me the right sized keez, do I know that for a fact?
02:13Hello, rockers.
02:14Hi, Jerry.
02:15Sorry.
02:17Moth?
02:19LAUGHTER
02:21No, no, no. Just an old wet suit.
02:23I didn't want any more, so I thought I'd put it to good use.
02:25You are becoming a jack-of-all-trades, aren't you?
02:27Have to be, mate, have to be. Aren't you?
02:29These craftsmen, you know, they try to make a mystique about their trades.
02:31When you come down to it, you know anyone can do it.
02:33I'm all you need. Little application and a bit of common sense.
02:35Here we go.
02:37Oh, God, nails!
02:39LAUGHTER
02:41Sadist.
02:43What do you want anyway?
02:45Now, Tom, just because you're in pain, there's no need to forget your manners.
02:47What do you want, Leadbetter?
02:49Well, actually, I came to invite you two charmers round to dinner tomorrow.
02:51Ah.
02:53Yeah, that's very kind of you, Juliet. Sorry, we can't keep doing that.
02:55Doing what?
02:57We're not in a position to reciprocate, are we?
02:59Reciprocate? Look, it's not an invitation to Backhouse.
03:01Just a couple of mates asking a couple of mates round to dinner.
03:03No, really, thanks all the same.
03:05But you've got to come.
03:07Leadbetter, you speak with forked tongues.
03:09You've got an ulterior motive.
03:11I've got a case out of it.
03:13Casual invitation, that's all.
03:15Except the ulterior motive.
03:17What?
03:19Well, actually, it's Sir.
03:21He's ordered me to ask you round.
03:23I think it's about time you realised Tom's left that company.
03:25It's marvellous, isn't it?
03:27I was there for eight years, he never even knew my name.
03:29I was Mr Um of the fourth floor.
03:31I had to leave to become indispensable.
03:33What does he want to see me for anyway?
03:35I don't know, Tom. It's just one of those social things, you know.
03:37Oh, come on. Old Sir doesn't catch a cold with that ulterior motive.
03:39He's got a colossal nerve telling you who you're going to have round for dinner.
03:41I mean, he'll be popping a little place card through the post next.
03:43Yeah, you'd better get out before he starts turning up first thing in the morning
03:45telling you what colour pants to wear.
03:47Yes, it's a bit of a liberty, isn't it?
03:49I'd say it is.
03:51After all, my private life is my private life.
03:53Right, right, right.
03:55Go and hang himself.
03:57Good for you, James.
03:59And you do come, won't you?
04:01If you don't, he'll investigate my expense account.
04:03Lapdog.
04:05Flunky.
04:07I don't see the point anyway. I mean, we all know what'll happen.
04:09Sir will say to Tom, come back to work for me.
04:11Tom will say, get knotted, end of evening.
04:13Well, that's up to you.
04:15I should have done my bit of grovelling by getting you round there.
04:17Oh, well, why not? It'll be a giggle.
04:19Thanks, mate.
04:21Only, listen, as long as we're doing you a favour,
04:23we'll have a decent burgundy this time, not that Algerian rubbish you tried to palm on us last time.
04:25Yes, and tell Margot, never mind the petty fours, we like the petty fives.
04:27All right, all right.
04:29One more thing you'd like to know.
04:31What?
04:33The Syrian toad's got a pointed hip.
04:35Oh!
04:37Yes, sir, ma'am.
04:39At the beginning of the year.
04:41Now, my son Martin and his young companion...
04:43Mistress, I suppose you'd call her.
04:45Companion.
04:47Had skied this slope any number of times before.
04:49They were perfectly familiar with it, of course,
04:51but the point was that some drunken idiot,
04:53a German one presumes,
04:55moved one of the markers.
04:57What a stupid thing to do.
04:59Quite.
05:01So there's poor Martin, you see,
05:03he's got a full schuss,
05:05heads for the marker, and crash!
05:07He goes right over the top
05:09and lands flat on the roof of an hotel.
05:11How funny!
05:15I was explaining how my son broke his leg.
05:19I'm so sorry.
05:21I thought you were telling a joke.
05:23Would you help me with the coffee, please, Jerry?
05:27Did you do much skiing, Tim?
05:29Tom.
05:31He's given it up now, though.
05:33Injury?
05:35No, he mended his shoes with his wetsuit.
05:39I hardly think that winter sports
05:41and make-do and men
05:43are the same subject, Barbara.
05:45I find Tom and Barbara's life
05:47absolutely fascinating.
05:49Oh, so do I.
05:51I was just saying it's not the same subject.
05:53More brandy, please, Jerry.
05:55Thank you.
05:57All very quiet this evening, Jerry?
05:59Not quite, sir.
06:01A little bit preoccupied with the company's exhibition, I suppose.
06:03Worried? No, no. Excited.
06:05That's the spirit.
06:07Now, don't start talking shop.
06:09Tell me about these pigs of yours, dear.
06:11Oh, Pinky and Perky. Oh, they're fine.
06:13Growing less is now, of course.
06:15Yeah, how time flies. It only seemed like yesterday
06:17they were running about in pig tails.
06:19Now, before you know it,
06:21they'll be grown up having piglets of their own.
06:23I've got a horrible feeling that this conversation
06:25is nose-diving into the carnal.
06:27And why not, Margo?
06:29Pigs are entitled to their bit of fun, too, you know.
06:31Right. Birds do it. Bees do it.
06:33Even educated fleas do it.
06:35Let's do it. Let's do it.
06:39When exactly is the exhibition, Andrew?
06:41No, no, no, no.
06:43Phyllis is just quite right. No, we don't want to talk shop.
06:45Well, Tom, here's to you
06:47and to your good lady, um...
06:49Fatima.
06:51Yes.
06:53Yes, as I said when you left the company,
06:55I said, of course, a lot of people think
06:57that this self-sufficiency is just a dream, you know,
06:59but here's a man with the guts
07:01and the determination to make it work.
07:03Well, actually, you didn't use those words.
07:05You said I was a mindless idiot
07:07who'd come crawling back in three weeks.
07:09Uh, beg your pardon, it was Jerry who said that.
07:11What? Oh, yes, yes. Be fair.
07:13Yes, I said that, Tom.
07:15Still, credits where credits due.
07:17We thought this was all a big set-up. Set-up?
07:19Yeah. Get us round here, chat us up,
07:21and then get the old bit about why don't I come back to work.
07:23Oh, now, Tom, come along.
07:25You do me an injustice, you know.
07:27No, I just thought it would be nice to, uh...
07:29Have a chat.
07:31Chew the cut. With an old colleague.
07:33No, I wasn't trying to get you back to the company at all.
07:35But you said you were going to offer him
07:37some freelance work.
07:39Oh, Felicity.
07:41It's true.
07:43No, I didn't say offer. I just said the thought
07:45across my mind, that was all.
07:47Well, that's that out of the way.
07:49Anybody like to hear some facts from my boy's book of knowledge?
07:51Well, it's been brought up. What about it, Tom?
07:53No, thank you.
07:55Well, it's just one small job.
07:57Now, you see, it's this exhibition.
07:59Now, you see, when people come to this exhibition,
08:01I want them to realise that we are essentially
08:03a family company.
08:05I want them to get a picture of me
08:07smiling benignly at them through a
08:09laurel wreath or something like that,
08:11and I want them to feel
08:13here's a man we can trust.
08:15That's all I want.
08:17Just a sort of, um...
08:19crest, some motif.
08:21Now, just a few hours of your spare time
08:23at home. Now, you wouldn't find me ungenerous, you know?
08:25No, thanks.
08:27Considering your financial indisposition,
08:29Tom, I do think you might have consulted
08:31poor Barbara before making such an arbitrary
08:33decision. No, there's no need to.
08:35He knows that poor Barbara would have punched him in the nose
08:37if he'd said yes. Aren't we really
08:39talking about money?
08:41No, you're talking about money. Fatima and I are talking
08:43about what we believe in. Look, we're doing this for
08:45ourselves. I can't work for anybody
08:47else now, not even part-time. Bravo!
08:49Very well, so be it.
08:51Well, I'll leave the offer open till the weekend.
08:53Andy, you suffer from professional deafness.
08:55The answer is no. And that's your final word?
08:57Absolutely. Oh, well, very well.
08:59You've got my home phone number, haven't you?
09:01Yes, I have got your home phone number, but I won't
09:03be ringing you. All right, all right.
09:05Subject closed. Say no more.
09:07Thursday's the best night to catch me in.
09:09LAUGHTER
09:11MUSIC PLAYS
09:18I was totally bald
09:20when I was born.
09:22LAUGHTER
09:26Sir Baileys was totally bald
09:28when he died.
09:30Oh, that's all right, then.
09:34Shall I throw the cat on the fire?
09:36LAUGHTER
09:38No, not just now.
09:40I've just got comfortable.
09:42Ah, it's good, this, isn't it?
09:44Sitting here,
09:46pushing the mind to its limits.
09:48LAUGHTER
09:51I knew I felt guilty about something.
09:53Do you realise we're just sitting here,
09:55not actually doing anything?
09:57Nothing to do. Finish the chores.
09:59What happened to our 86-hour week?
10:01Well, reached a sort of plateau, didn't it?
10:03The animals established,
10:05the old veg quietly growing away,
10:07the old generator throbbing in the cellar.
10:09We deserve an 80-hour week.
10:11Mind you, once we get to pick the stuff
10:13and get prepared for storing,
10:15we'll have to step on the gas a bit.
10:17Back to 86-hour week.
10:19120 at least.
10:21Doesn't seem possible, really.
10:23It's just happened in such a short time.
10:25Nope. Richest of rags in six months.
10:27LAUGHTER
10:29And freedom.
10:31True, true.
10:33Anything you miss about the old days,
10:35before we stopped the world and jumped off?
10:37The parties, perhaps.
10:39The Ferraris and the Jensens
10:41cheek-by-jowl in the drive.
10:43Frank from Acapulco.
10:45Frank doing it his way on the piano.
10:47Paul Getty playing the spoons.
10:49LAUGHTER
10:51Simple times, but they were good fun.
10:53LAUGHTER
10:55What about you?
10:57Do you miss anything?
10:59Yes.
11:01Powdered egg.
11:03LAUGHTER
11:05That was a war, you fool.
11:07Very popular with the boys in our squadron.
11:09You must have been about six.
11:11No, really, do you miss anything?
11:13No.
11:15Well...
11:17I do have one fantasy.
11:19Not that.
11:21No, a bit of...
11:23a bit of luxury.
11:25You know, being pampered on
11:27and ushered about and waited on.
11:29Do you remember every now and again
11:31we used to go mad, have a big blowout
11:33and stay at a hotel for a night?
11:35Ah, yes. The old pagan rites.
11:37Oh.
11:39No cinders. You shall go to the ball.
11:41Oh, yes, what on?
11:43How much did they cost, 50 quid?
11:45You can't withdraw overdrafts.
11:47LAUGHTER
11:49Don't exaggerate. We may not be in the black,
11:51but at least we're in the grey.
11:53What about all those things you have to pay for
11:55and we can't do without, like water rates and rate rates?
11:57Not on, Tom.
11:59If anybody deserved a bit of pampering, it's you.
12:01You've been marvellous. I could never have done this on my own.
12:03You never complain about all the things you have to do without.
12:05You're something else you are.
12:07Oh, Tom Buttons.
12:09No, seriously.
12:11Oh, come on, Tom, I didn't mean it.
12:13I said it's not important.
12:15Sensible cow.
12:17LAUGHTER
12:19After all, we can't afford to chuck money away, can we?
12:21No, I...
12:27Bed's free.
12:29Hm?
12:31LAUGHTER
12:33Bed's free.
12:37Hm.
12:39Barbara.
12:41Yes?
12:43You will be gentle with me, won't you?
12:45LAUGHTER
12:47BELL RINGS
12:49LAUGHTER
12:51BELL RINGS
12:57Margot!
13:03Jerry, where is my music?
13:05Where is my music?
13:07Yes, thank you. I had a very nice day at the office.
13:09Oh, I'm sorry. Good evening, Jerry.
13:11Where is my music?
13:13In there, I think.
13:15Oh, yeah. You did.
13:17I think I have rather more taste than to put Handel's Messiah
13:19next to Playmate of the Month.
13:21Yeah?
13:23Might be a novel experience for both of them, I should have thought.
13:25I might be a bit late in
13:27because Miss Mountshaft wants the Altos
13:29to stay behind tonight.
13:31Been chewing gum in class again?
13:33That's the sort of remark I'd expect
13:35from someone whose knowledge of choral singing
13:37begins and ends with a black-and-white minstrel's.
13:39Now, um, your dinner.
13:41Oh, that's right. I've got some Indian takeaway.
13:43Then will you kindly eat it in the kitchen
13:45with the extractor fan full on?
13:47And last time,
13:49this upholstery reeked of vindaloo for a week.
13:51Goodnight, Jerry.
13:53Goodnight.
13:55Have a nice sing-song.
13:57Shut up.
14:27Shut up.
14:29Shut up.
14:55Jerry!
15:00Sir, Margot out, is she?
15:02How did you know?
15:04Well, you wouldn't be eating curry in here
15:06if she was in.
15:08Why all the cloak-and-dagger stuff, anyway?
15:10I want to see you privately about something.
15:13Oh?
15:15See?
15:19Mind if I go and eat him?
15:21Oh, go ahead, go ahead.
15:23I'll do the rice, shall I?
15:26Ah.
15:28Anyone?
15:38Well?
15:40What?
15:42Oh, yeah.
15:44Now, remember last week when Andy kept on about that freelance job?
15:46Yeah.
15:48Well, I've decided to do it.
15:50You steaming great hypocrite.
15:52Now, wait a minute.
15:54I'm not doing Mammon's plaything again, if that's what you mean.
15:56It's just that I want the money for a very special reason.
15:58Barbara.
16:00Who? She?
16:02She's not, um...
16:04No, no, no.
16:06She just deserves a treat, and she's going to have one,
16:08whether she likes it or not.
16:10You sound like a belligerent Father Christmas.
16:12I want to do it, um...
16:14Oh, what's the word?
16:16Slyly.
16:18It must come as a complete surprise.
16:20She mustn't know what's hit her till we're upstairs in the bridal suite
16:22Can I get you a plate?
16:24No, no, no. Fine, fine.
16:28Well?
16:30There's no problem. You can use my study.
16:32Do a bit now and again.
16:34Concoct some story for Barbara. You're a good liar.
16:36Yes, I am. Thanks, Jerry.
16:38Hey, hey. Hold on.
16:40What about Margot?
16:42I shall eat curry where I choose.
16:44What?
16:46But anyway, I'll have a bit of a squirt around with the aerosol afterwards.
16:48No, no, no, no, no. Just nosing about and blabbing to Barbara.
16:50That's all right. You can keep your drawings locked in my desk.
16:52What keeps Margot out of the desk?
16:54I've had the lock changed.
16:56That's what marriage should be, shouldn't it? No secrets.
16:58I could use talking.
17:00Ah, yes. But I'm me.
17:02See you then, Jerry.
17:04Was my supper to your satisfaction?
17:06Not bad, not bad. Next time, get my dross instead of vindaloo, will you?
17:08Oh.
17:20Hello, Barbara. It's only Margot.
17:22Oh, good God.
17:24What have you got on?
17:26You look like the Angel of Death.
17:28Yes, it's awful, isn't it?
17:30The whole choir's wearing them
17:32when we perform The Messiah.
17:34Miss Malmshaft wants us all exactly the same,
17:36so she only gave the dressmaker one set of measurements.
17:38Hers, presumably.
17:40Yes.
17:42Jerry calls it my oratorio tent.
17:46Well, I suppose you want me to take it in.
17:48At least I hope you want me to take it in.
17:50Oh, please.
17:52Right, well, waft your way over there. I'll be with you in a minute.
17:56Bills?
17:58These are big enough to be Williams.
18:00Ah, well.
18:02I suppose I could always go back on the game.
18:04Now, then.
18:08Let's have a look.
18:10Are you very worried about your financial position?
18:12Well, let's put it this way.
18:14I can see the red at the end of the tunnel.
18:16Now, then, who wants to come in under the bust?
18:18It's not too much.
18:20Miss Malmshaft wants us all to look as virginal as possible.
18:24Shame.
18:26I've got nice boobs.
18:28Oh, really?
18:32Just how close to financial collapse are you?
18:36Well, we'll be all right if the crops come in
18:38before the money runs out.
18:40Always the brave face.
18:42I starch my upper lip.
18:44But you are worried.
18:48Yes, I'm a bit worried.
18:50Now, then.
18:52How many feet do you want this taken up?
18:54It's no good, Barbara.
18:56I must tell you.
18:58I know that money is coming to you.
19:00You've been reading the tea leaves?
19:02No.
19:04No, I was dusting Jerry's study
19:06when I happened to break into his desk.
19:10How can you happen
19:12to break into a desk?
19:14Well, I was dusting
19:16fairly vigorously
19:18and the lock just flew open and there it was.
19:20Cup with the tea leaves in it.
19:22Indisputable proof
19:24that Tom is doing the freelance work
19:26that Andrew offered him.
19:30Are you sure?
19:32Well, Tom's signature was on the drawings.
19:34You don't look very pleased.
19:38That's probably because I'm disgusted.
19:40But why?
19:44He told me he was round your house
19:46putting shelves up.
19:48A little white lie.
19:50A great dirty black one.
19:52Barbara, there are times when I don't understand you at all.
19:54Don't you see what this means?
19:56At last Tom has realized how unfair it is
19:58to fiddle along like some medieval serf.
20:02What are you doing?
20:04I'm just clearing the area.
20:06I don't want innocent bystanders injured.
20:08I don't understand.
20:10Well, let's put it this way.
20:12I don't want you seeing the Messiah
20:14with Tom's blood splattered all over your dress.
20:16Hello, hello, hello.
20:28Ah, just saw the generator.
20:30She's running like a Rolls Royce.
20:32Any creaky limbs you want lubricating, madam?
20:34Tom!
20:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.
20:38How are those shelves coming along
20:40that you're putting up for Jerry?
20:42Shelves? Oh, the shelves!
20:44Great! Ah, no, no, actually, no, no.
20:46Now I come to think, no.
20:48See, I'm having a bit of trouble with the angle irons, you see.
20:50Because the wall's not dead plumb, you see.
20:52But I packed out the battens, so that's all right.
20:54Of course, when it comes to the actual beading of it...
20:56Ow! That hurt.
20:58Ow! What's the game?
21:00The game, the one you're playing, taking that job behind my back.
21:02You lying toad!
21:04Now look, love, there's a perfectly good reason...
21:06There is not!
21:08Trail, don't you see that?
21:10What is the point of trying to do it on our own
21:12when we can go off and start wage-earning
21:14every time things get a bit tight?
21:16This is the thin end of the wedge, this is!
21:18Shut up! First, it could be worth it
21:20just to pay off these bills.
21:22Then it'll be cool just for a bit of bounce.
21:24This isn't the self-sufficiency we talked about.
21:26It's a spider's compromise, don't you see?
21:28You've just chucked the whole thing out the window.
21:30Will you let me say something in the...
21:32Yes, go on, go on. Your perfectly good reason.
21:34I'd like to know what it is, Tom.
21:36There is no good reason in the world
21:38for you taking that job!
21:40It's that pagan right we talked about.
21:44What?
21:46Look, this is the first and the last time.
21:48It's one job for one reason.
21:50You...
21:56Ow!
21:58What's that for?
22:00That's for being bloody perfect.
22:06No, Miss Mantroft,
22:08it is important where I stand for the performance.
22:10I am going to stand in the front row.
22:16I beg your pardon, Miss Mantroft.
22:18I would remind you that I am the only
22:20first alto who can hit an A below middle C.
22:24In addition to which, I am probably the only person
22:26in the whole choir to have made anything
22:28of those ghastly tents we're wearing.
22:30No, I have not finished,
22:32Miss Mantroft.
22:34Furthermore, let us remember that it is I
22:36who supply the gingerbread men for rehearsal teas.
22:44Blackmail is an ugly word, Miss Mantroft.
22:48Thank you very much.
22:50I thought you'd see it my way.
22:52See you Tuesday, then.
22:54Oh, and perhaps we can take that opportunity
22:56to discuss who's going to play the lead
22:58in The Sound of Music. Goodbye, Miss Mantroft.
23:00Are they all Tom's animals?
23:02And given the goater evening milking?
23:04Incidentally, the rubber garbs were not appreciated.
23:06Nevertheless, I'm glad you wore them, Jerry.
23:08We don't want udder rash
23:10in this house.
23:12Ordinary people would ask the maid to try
23:14to babysit.
23:16Do you hope they have
23:18a lovely time?
23:20Judging from the smirk on Tom's face when they left,
23:22lovely time's hardly the word.
23:24Could be the seduction of the year.
23:26Second honeymoon, even.
23:28Yes, of course.
23:30They're staying overnight at the hotel, aren't they?
23:32Yes.
23:34Jerry, do you remember ours?
23:36Our what?
23:38Our honeymoon.
23:40Oh, yes, of course.
23:42You know what I remember most?
23:44What's that, Jerry?
23:46The hotel games room.
23:50Every ping-pong ball was cracked.
23:54But the room, our room, do you remember?
23:56Our lovely balcony
23:58with a view over the lake.
24:00It's beautiful.
24:02I mean, it's not the sort of thing one packs, is it?
24:04Ping-pong ball?
24:08No.
24:10Well, now, what are we going to do with our evening?
24:14What would you like to do, Jerry?
24:16Well, um, let's see.
24:18We could have Ian and Jilly over.
24:20Oh, I'd rather not.
24:22I've never been very comfortable
24:24with Ian and Jilly since they started
24:26dabbling in those tarot cards.
24:28Howard and Sue?
24:30Socialists.
24:32Oh, yeah.
24:34I haven't seen Phil and Linda for ages.
24:36They're on their boat.
24:38Mark and Babette?
24:40They're on theirs.
24:42No, Jerry, I wasn't really
24:44thinking about people.
24:46Oh, you mean just us two?
24:48Yes.
24:50Oh, right. Restaurants.
24:54Pass a card, will you?
24:56Oh, no.
24:58That's where my Sambuco set light to the tablecloth.
25:02Juanitos?
25:04Well, I'm not really very hungry, Jerry.
25:06Silly, this, isn't it?
25:08What?
25:10It's easy for Tom and Barbara. They hardly ever go out.
25:12We know a hundred places and five hundred people.
25:14Can't think of a thing to do.
25:20Well, not everything we enjoy
25:22is in the address book, Jerry.
25:24Oh,
25:26I see.
25:30Not a good idea.
25:46Oh, you know,
25:48I think gluttony is my second favourite sin.
25:50Oh, definitely.
25:52Mind you, what we've had is not the
25:54straight-out-of-the-ground, no-chemical stuff we're used to, is it?
25:56No, no, that was jam-packed, full of additives.
25:58Oh. Fatty acids?
26:00Cholesterol.
26:02Oh, terribly bad for you.
26:04Great, wasn't it?
26:06You look gorgeous.
26:08Do I?
26:10It's funny, dressing up as a woman again.
26:12I haven't had my posh frock on for ages.
26:14What's it feel like?
26:16Sensuous, I would say, yes.
26:18Definitely sensuous.
26:20Good. Keep feeling that way
26:22till we get upstairs to the bridal suite.
26:24Bridal suite, sir?
26:26May I offer my congratulations?
26:28Oh, God, Mr Thomas,
26:30he's tumbled us.
26:32I've told you before, don't call me Mr Thomas.
26:34The name is John. Sorry.
26:36My own mistake, sir.
26:40Supreme trifle for madame.
26:42Oh, darling. Only, see, we're not really married.
26:44Maisie, don't talk so much, my dear.
26:46We don't want to send the stove back to the furriers, do we?
26:48Oh, no, sir.
26:50Er, John, er, Thomas.
26:52We need figs for you, sir.
26:54Thomas, should I bob him a couple of bob
26:56to keep quiet?
26:58Discretion is our watchword, madame.
27:00Do you want to spend the rest of your life in that typing pool?
27:02Oh, no, sir.
27:04Look, I tell you what, I'll do anything you tell me to
27:06when we get upstairs.
27:12You're rude, you are.
27:14Well, if a bloke's going to spend 50 quid on me.
27:16Worth it there, wasn't it?
27:18Oh, was it worth it? Talk about recharging your batteries
27:20while I'm whizzing around that garden like an electric eel tomorrow.
27:2450 quid?
27:26Yeah, well, that includes the bride and suite, of course.
27:28You used to get twice that
27:30on a design job.
27:32Oh, I'm dearer now. I got 200 for this one.
27:36What happened to the other 150?
27:38Ah, well, um, I wanted that for something.
27:40Oh, yes.
27:42I know what, too.
27:44When we get home, there are going to be those bills
27:46on the doormat with paid, miraculously
27:48stamped all over them. You have, Tom,
27:50you've lied to me. Doing it for me was just a rotten
27:52excuse.
28:02I wanted the extra money for this.
28:04Just to say you're the best wife
28:06a man ever had.
28:14Oh, blimey.
28:18God, yes.
28:22Oh, Tom.
28:26I don't deserve you.
28:28Yes, you do.
28:44APPLAUSE
29:14APPLAUSE