The Good Life - S01E05 - The Thing In The Cellar
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00:00You
00:30You
01:00Oh
01:14Shut your face
01:22Did you call Damages
01:24Coffee coffee. Hey, wait a minute. I thought we agreed only one cup a day after dinner
01:30Oh round things to a condom if once you've earned it
01:33Harvers, no, no, it's all for you. You're the one that's been slaving in the cellar for a week. True. True. I don't cheers
01:42Hmm ah
01:46Beautiful
01:48Didn't say me
01:51I didn't have to believe me
01:55Is that you being incorrigibly feminine, yes, I see
01:59It finished. Oh, you're a genius. You are well old Newton had his Apple Einstein had relativity. I've got my thing in the cellar
02:07I'm a genius. How should I know?
02:09I'm out. I'm busy
02:17You look terribly tired and drawn dear
02:21Thank you
02:33We've just been shopping so I bought you a little something
02:40Precious oh boy
02:43Candles. Well, I saw the van from the electricity board yesterday. You've been cut off haven't you? Yes, we've been cut off
02:51Tom driving another nail in the coffin, but we won't be needing candles not even to put round a coffin. All right
02:56We'll have them back then add them to the four gross. We've already got in the car
03:00Oh, are you having your electricity cut off as well?
03:04No, I'm just laying in a stock to obviate being dictated to by those neo-marxists at the power station
03:11What did Horace say Winnie
03:13Power
03:16Strikes power strikes
03:19Surely you saw the television you oh, I'm sorry Barbara. I didn't mean to rub salt into the wounds
03:25You've had to let your television go as well. Haven't you? Yes, we swapped it for a 50-gallon effluents digester
03:33Who's effluents our animals that's why we won't be needing candles, but you can't make electric light out of pigs
03:38Jerry
03:41Can you Tom can he's making a generator in the cellar this I've got to see
03:48Barbara now, you know me dear. I never speak out of turn
03:57Don't you think it's time Tom saw a specialist
04:02Do it yourself going to go it alone business is bordering on the
04:06Psychopathic no, I mean if he's convinced he can just knock up a generator by himself and it's time he had psychiatric help
04:13Yes, well, I had thought in giving Freud a ring, but I haven't got a telephone. Well, you could always use up
04:36Leonardo da Vinci at home. I heard
04:40God
04:42God God, I happen to think that I've just created perpetual motion here, but nothing's moving. I
04:50Haven't started it yet. What do you have to do light the blue touch paper and retire immediately if you're not careful
04:57I'll make a drink some of my homemade wine. All right. All right
04:59How does it work
05:0150 gallons of muck right pigs chickens goats wonderful start right all decaying away like mad creating a pong
05:12Methane now the gas comes out of there at the top along here and into this deodorant
05:20Iron filings to take out the hydrogen sulfide. Yes, I am clever than I look I thought you must be
05:25What happened
05:28Along here up there along here around the back here
05:30Follow me all the way down here and into a great big pile of wood shavings now
05:34I'm drying my gas at this stage. Now. This might look like an old diesel generator to you. Yes, it does. That's because it's
05:42Except it's fueled by methane methane. You're in thing
05:48Yeah, seriously that's very ingenious people never work no clever dick switch the light on William
05:55Oh
05:58The glare
06:01I'll hold your head under in my effluence gesture in a minute. I haven't spun my wheel yet. So spit it. I am never blue
06:11Come on my little darling just for me just this once
06:19It works it works
06:22Well, you might say well done or give me a cigar or something yes, it's very good, but but well
06:27You're gonna have to stand there spinning that thing every time you want to light
06:31Life going to get a bit samey that was the overture. This is the symphony
06:45Just the one movement
06:48What just watch it
06:50I
07:15Seems an awful lot of trouble to go to to light one electric light
07:17Look
07:20P brain that's banging out enough electricity to light the house and run the deep freaks
07:26But you do all this on a load of pigs
07:31Waste not want not pick it up and stoke it. That's what I say
07:35You're never going to pay another electricity bill
07:37Are you know if I could develop an h2o tablet the waterboard can go and run itself as well
07:43I
07:43Got I spent a fortune on electricity. Well, of course you do you see your gadget man electric toothbrushes electric swizzle sticks
07:49They develop an electric gas oven. You'd have one of those
07:53One must take the back break out of life muscle one. Oh, yes
07:56Yes, brushing your teeth stirring your drinks striking matches exhausting isn't it Tom?
08:00I can't help it if luxury and I are mutually attractive
08:03Well, I've got no time for it these days talking of luxury
08:06Oughtn't you to be getting rid of this deep freezer thing swap it for a crossbow or something a luxury isn't a luxury when?
08:10It's essential when we do our pigs in there'll be a year supply of pork in there
08:14Seems a bit ungrateful when they're supplying the fuel to run the thing
08:21It's a dog's life being a pig isn't it?
08:23Do
08:35You mind if I have the door open I know I went to Senegal on my holidays last year
08:41But I really can't take this heat. It is getting a bit Q garnish, isn't it?
08:44Well, it's Tom makes you economize on everything now. I'm surprised he allows a fire and it's so mild
08:50Well considering it helps to heat up bathwater and cook our means you'd be a bit silly to ask me to put it out
08:55ever loyal
09:04Think I might have used too much mixture
09:06You
09:16You have to make your own do you want to
09:21You must admit I got it to rise
09:26Put it out to cool
09:36I
09:40Don't wanna hello Margo nice bit of thigh
09:49It works doesn't it your smile got dimples so is your little bum
09:57Look at the state of your trousers
09:59No time for trousers, this is a time for rejoicing fill the mead cup and drain the barrel by sail my sail
10:05I'm sorry Tom, but I cannot go into transports of delight every time you accomplish some little thing
10:13The miracle of light some little thing yes be fair Margo the man's just built his own generator
10:18Well, if it'll make everyone happy if I say congratulations Tom, then congratulations Tom
10:29Require the most enormous amount of effort. I mean I'd sooner pay the electricity bills personally. I'd sooner you paid the electricity bills
10:38Meaning what Jerry when I come home from the office sometimes our house looks like the Blackpool Illuminations
10:44So you want me to stumble about in the dark? Do you I'm just saying you might consider the price of electricity sometimes
10:51Perhaps we ought to live in an almshouse and be done with it. You'd have made a marvelous photographer the way you enlarge everything
10:57I'm coming from someone who's just forbidden me to burn a single electric light bulb in my own eyes
11:01I am just saying you might save it sometimes for instance when you're upstairs and you come downstairs turn off the light upstairs
11:09Look Jerry if you want me to fall down the stairs, why don't you just trip me up or loose?
11:15Throw me bodily down and have done with it. Don't tempt me
11:18I
11:22Am the center of attraction the moment
11:28In the meantime, it's Tom good and his magic switch
11:43Thank You Rita for my next trick I shall make Margo smile
11:49I'm getting a bit above yourselves. Anybody think you invented electricity itself at least you agree with me on something Jerry
11:56Even if you did start a silly argument in front of Tom and Barbara and threatened to throw me down the stairs
12:02To my original point I would rather rely on the national grid system unless of course there are power cuts
12:11What's that Barbara well this mob of neo-marxists down the power station they're threatening cuts imminent you said Margaret
12:19imminent
12:20likely
12:22Possible. I mean it's all the same word. Well, I hope they change their minds
12:26I mean your power cuts can be rotten especially for people without their own generators Oh Tom for people without their own generators
12:32It's going to be terrible. I mean power cuts always cause accidents, you know, sometimes people falling downstairs in the dark
12:38Quite quite. Oh, it must be rotten not to have your own generator. You two are bloody unbearable answer
12:45Well, I'm going to be unbearable now, what are you having for lunch bread and cheese
12:49We are having game soup smoked salmon and a rather drinkable bottle of hock
12:54Ready Margo Bravo Jerry a point to us. I
13:00Will say this Tom and Barbara
13:03Pride has been known to come before a fall
13:09Thank you very much
13:15She offers herself up the slaughter so readily as but hey red cheese right cheese, right?
13:23Good old Geraldine
13:28Bread
13:34Come on woman I'm starving food food
13:45I
13:54What are you having
14:15You know your back garden looks just as ridiculous as your front garden
14:22Hello Jerry
14:24Pig said their first word yet
14:27Five pounds last week. Look at the size of those beans broad French dwarfs runners
14:31I'm picking radishes and lettuces, of course mind you the goat games would have a fright last week. Very poorly
14:35She was here. You're becoming a self-sufficiency bore
14:38Give it a rest
14:40Come and have a round of golf. You're joking. Hey, how come you've got Friday off? Anyway been crawling around sir again. Yes
14:47Or fishing haven't been fishing for ages. I haven't got time for all that
14:52You know, you're not as much fun as you used to be Tom shouldn't have married me. Then should you?
14:57Let's just look very nice what one
15:02Thanks
15:10Sort me for a fag
15:12This is the man who used to throw away his lunch and vouchers. Ah, I haven't met a drag for weeks
15:20Hurry up
15:27Cool bloody doesn't I'll make a go around in it
15:40Oh
15:54Typical Jerry
15:56He's got the day off all he's doing is mooning about his back garden
16:00He looks like a little boy's got nobody to play with we could play with Marga. Oh, no
16:07Never in the afternoons
16:10They only wanted me to go fishing fishing
16:13As if I've got time to go fishing. I
16:16Think that's a very good idea. I think you should go fishing. I can manage here on my own quite easily
16:23So you want me out of the house?
16:25You're having an affair. Aren't you? Come on. Come on. Who is your paramour? It's the postman, isn't it? Isn't it?
16:30Yes, I thought so. He's been franking your neck again. I
16:34Couldn't help myself what woman could say no to a bit of first-class mail
16:40I think you should go fishing
16:42What's the point fish is food fresh food?
16:46That's the point look where we go isn't all your trout and salmon and reserve casting stations
16:51It's just tension perch and pushing where you can so ten souffle grilled perch with bay leaves
16:57Fantastic, that's to say nothing of pike and carp
17:01Where'd you learn all this?
17:02You know, there are hundreds of things that people don't eat anymore, but we should because most of them are free including freshwater fish
17:09Now look at that, what's this?
17:12Forgotten foods, I can see why they call it that there's a bit of jam on page 38
17:19I got it the other day when I went to graze a goat on the common
17:22You didn't take the goat in the library. Did you know she hasn't got a ticket?
17:27I left her in the bicycle racks the point is Tom, but this book could be a goldmine
17:32I mean, there are so many things that people don't eat anymore
17:34But we should I mean cheap things just because they're not fashionable things like pigeon
17:38I mean pigeons aren't posh anymore and hares and eels
17:42Yeah, I see what you mean tick PG. What about this wall fruit? Oh, that sounds nice. What's that Dorset your snails?
17:51English escargot just imagine all we need is the 8,000 pound rail fare to Dorset. We could get them for nothing
17:58What about servant and snails taste like?
18:01Rabbits no, they're not at all like rabbits
18:05Half a mile up there up the road on the road the golf course
18:08I've driven off there with a whole gallery of rabbits watching me whether all dinners on it
18:12Well exactly and they're not cheap. They're free right next time. I play golf. I won't take a one-iron. I'll take a 12 ball
18:18Never mind about a golf course full of rabbits. There's that river full of fish
18:21I mean you probably haven't thought of this, but I should go fishing Oh clear off
18:28Good not too keen supposed to be it's for the chicken
18:34I
18:47Said just five more minutes an hour ago
18:50You can just imagine what it must have felt like can't you?
18:53Standing in the water with your wooden spear waiting waiting
18:57All going on. It's about the one thing you haven't tried. Come on. I'm getting chilly
19:01You mean the pubs open? Yes
19:05All right get the card on I'll pack my rods up my rods actually
19:13See you've been playing the field old man
19:16Blanket-bombing of course as you progress in the sport you want to specialize
19:22Not me mate anything that swims. I'll have it
19:26May I yes
19:28Yes
19:33Yes as I thought
19:36Quantity not quality chuck them back for you. Shall I old man get off?
19:40Sorry, I thought you finished for the day. I have not taking them home. Are you?
19:44No, we thought we'd all go to a dance this evening. Of course
19:49You don't do that old man, it's not done but that size there's nothing worth mounting there
19:54I'm not going to mount them. I'm gonna eat them
19:57I'm going to have to say this. You're the sort of element we don't want creeping into the sport
20:03Sport? You call pulling them out ripping a hole in their top lip and chucking them back sport?
20:08Learn your ichthyology old man. They don't feel anything. They don't have nerves in the upper lip
20:13Oh, I see. So they pop their heads out of the water and say thanks for the game do they?
20:19It is at least I'm doing them justice by eating them on this occasion
20:23I win if it was me having a swim and along came a shark he'd win
20:26Suppose you'd smile as he gobbled you up, would you?
20:29I can't guarantee that no. What are you anyway some sort of anarchist?
20:34No, I'm a mind your own businesses now push off. With alacrity
20:39But I'll say this in going. I think you're a bloody unmitigated scoundrel. You what?
20:45Now don't be down with it. I wear glasses normally
20:51Then you better get yourself a policy. Come on Tom, pack up. I've finished with people telling me what to do
20:55Oh, come on. Come away. I thought interfering burks like him didn't exist anymore. Pack up the rods and we'll go and have a drink
21:00All right. All right
21:02tiger
21:03Yeah, well, it's for everybody riffraff like that, right
21:20In the go lovely
21:23Oh
21:24Well worth doing wasn't it?
21:25There's a good few meals in there and very nice too if that green last night was anything to go by
21:29Yes, of course, you know, there are still some people who believe you can't eat freshwater fish
21:35Yeah, yeah
21:37Yeah
21:39Yeah
21:43Who's that up there see who's that down there
21:51Hello, hello you two good enough stink smoothie. What is it fish cologne? We've been gutting all morning. Yeah fun you have in this house
22:00Thanks for coming around jay. Never mind the thanks just tell me what you want me to do saturday
22:04You know, i'm a busy man. I've got a lot of sleeping to get in well, you can do that here
22:07We only want you to wait in for a bloke
22:09He arrives what physical excesses do I have to indulge in look just let him in will you his electrician?
22:15He has to certify that my circuitry is safe. How much do I drop him to say that it is?
22:19Oh ye of little faith
22:20Where are you two going anyway?
22:21Well, they fell this great big tree on the common you've seen the council say we can chop off as much wood as we like
22:25Before they take it away gutting fish and chopping wood. What fun you have. Where are you taking your holidays this year labor camp?
22:32Of course, sir, two blokes could chop more wood. No
22:36No
22:37Oh, all right, jerry i'll
22:40I'll do the best I can with a little strength i've got left
22:44That's right. Bye. Bye
22:46Do you mean to say you're going to stand there let a woman go chopping easily?
22:51You've made your perverted bed you lie on it. I'm just going to sit here and grow my brewer's goiter
22:56Ah
23:06One of these vibro massage chairs
23:09No, it's the uh generator does that it's just that one spot. I don't know why
23:14I lose my cocktail shaker. I don't know where to come
23:18All right off you go hats and gripple
23:20Cheerio
23:23Uh, of course, um
23:25Trouble is getting the logs home, isn't it love?
23:28Yes, not having a car. No car. You see no car a bit dodgy without a car. Oh, all right
23:36Here you are
23:38Thanks, jerry, thanks jerry off you go my children watch out for wolves
23:50So
23:55Jerry
24:00Jerry
24:05Jerry what?
24:07These gloves were a present from my mother mean old trout. They're coming apart
24:13Coming apart
24:15I've torn them to shreds on those stones in the rockery stones
24:17Which you should have been lifting in the first place. I'm doing something for tom and barbara
24:21Seeing whether their sofa will bear your weight presumably
24:25Come and have a cuddle
24:36No, i'm, sorry
24:41You're not shaking
24:44Why should I be I don't find the thought of improvised love making erotic chair should be shaking
24:55Their generators packed up well, i'm not surprised at that
25:04Oh, well, there's obviously nothing you can do about it
25:08Why don't we go home and um, we could uh
25:13Yeah, we could yes
25:16I better have a look at it, I suppose
25:20Well, that's the last time I play the tart for you jerry
25:29Do you think that I shall never see I think as lovely as
25:34I'll stick a log in your mouth. You don't shatter
25:36Tom, is that you?
25:38Who's that down there?
25:39Come here quick
25:42Oh
25:49Oh bloody mark, I don't know what's wrong with this stupid thing. When did it stop jerry?
25:52I'm, not sure. I think I fell asleep typical your lazy great twit
25:55Well, it wouldn't have made any difference anyway
25:56I shouldn't have been able to fix it god blimey
25:58It's not a nuclear reactor leaving you in charge for two hours. This is what happened. Look einstein
26:01I was supposed to wait in for some bod who never turned up
26:03It was not part of my brief to play nursemaid to this contraption, but I explained it all to you
26:07It's simplicity itself. Well, you make it work. You're simple
26:12So
26:15That wasn't very fair was it no because i'm an unfair person
26:19That's the trouble you do it yourself. It sometimes does it back
26:23Turn her over. Will you who mrs flywheel?
26:31Yes, I thought so what it doesn't work
26:36I know what it is
26:36It's that intake valve teach me a lesson not to cut corners with army surplus
26:40Well, you should have been suspicious when you saw kitchener's picture on the box
26:44I mean you can fix it. No, no have to get a new one. That'll be whoa. What little monday now
26:48Oh, dear
26:50Why?
26:51What's the matter my dear?
26:52Does the thought of two candlelit nights alone with me frighten you? No candlelight turns me on but it's going to make the fish go off
27:00Oh blast
27:02Well, we can always refreeze them bacillus coli
27:05What if we refreeze them bacteria in the guts a very good chance. Oh, yeah
27:10How long will it take before they defrost not long?
27:12Well, we must do something. I mean those fish gave you a hard day's labor
27:15Well, what about you? I mean you had to fight off half a dozen anglers even to get them here
27:20Yes, true. Yes
27:21There must be some alternative there must be oh, come on brain. Come on brain
27:24Don't let me down just as I was getting to like you
27:30Are you chiming or have you had an idea
27:32Oh
27:43Hello jerry
27:45Sorry about the shout up
27:47It's all right
27:48I wonder if you could do us a great favor
27:50What does it involve? Could you uh, could you stick these in your freezer till monday? No, sorry
27:56You petty minded little rat bag
27:59No, it's not that what is it then we're having a power cut of course, I know it doesn't affect people with their own generators
28:10Oh tom care to borrow a candle
28:28So