The Good Life - S01E04 - Pig's Lib
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00:00You
00:30You
00:39Excuse me. Have you got skiing monthly bottom left, sir?
00:53Morning mr. Wilkes morning. Did you get that copy of pig breeder for me? Yes, mr. Good
00:58There you are
01:01Two wasn't it? That's right
01:09I don't have any eggs on me. Do you accept cash?
01:13skiing monthly 25p
01:16Did you get that skiing?
01:18No, I am I was defrosting the fridge and I slipped on an ice cube
01:22Oh, sorry, I forgot. Did you get those potato peelings for me? Oh, yes
01:29Here you are I
01:33Know don't have that on me. Cheers it cheers
01:38Am I asking but is he a bit
01:41Mr. Good far from it. You name it and they'll try to swap something for it. Mr. Good and his wife
01:52Oh
02:00Morning mrs. Good windows. Oh, no, not anymore. Thank you. It's only money for essentials from now on you see
02:06Oh, what a shame still and less and that's what well, you could still come every week, but
02:13Maybe I could pay you in some other way
02:16I
02:20Mean well, you know instead of money perhaps we could come to some sort of arrangement. I
02:29See what you think
02:37Mrs. Good, can I ask you a question? Well, do you like me?
02:43I'm very nice
02:45Thank you, and I want you to know that I like you, too
02:50Thank you, and I respect you so there would be respect in this arrangement both ways
02:56Mutually, you're making it sound like the Treaty of Versailles. Well, it's just I've never been approached like this before you see
03:02Oh, it's the oldest form of business in the world
03:07What have I got this worth all these windows
03:13Inside and out
03:17Bottle of homemade wine half a dozen lettuce and a pound or two of spring onions
03:24Well, you know for the barter for the exchange
03:27What for the windows? Yes. Oh, oh
03:31Dear mrs. Good. I I really cannot apologize enough. What I am. I'm most terribly sorry
03:38Mrs. Good, please allow me to do your windows free
03:41Gratuitously, I couldn't do that. I must and I'm sorry. I really am. I really am. Sorry
03:50Deeply
04:11Oh
04:13Bring out your dead bring out your dead
04:18Tom I do
04:21What is that
04:25Two dustbins on a trolley I
04:27Know it's two dustbins on a trolley Tom and when I asked you the question
04:31It was a rhetorical one, which does not need a direct answer as you knew very well in the first place. Oh
04:36You may be hold my breath when you do those long sentences marker
04:40What is it it's two rhetorical dustbins on a rhetorical trolley
04:44Then would you please remove them from my crazy bathing before someone sees us?
04:48There are less chance of seeing us if we hide behind the dustbins
04:52Tom I am NOT in the mood for your smutty schoolboy humor, particularly as I have a splitting headache
04:58I'm sorry about that. What brought that on your chickens clucking all through the night
05:03They're hungry you see poor little devils
05:05They depend on old Tom daddy as they call me to bring home a few kitchen scraps now
05:09Have you got any everyone else has chipped in do you mean to say that you have been wheeling that?
05:14Filthy apparatus up and down the Avenue begging for kitchen scraps
05:19Certainly, and it's not begging is recycling Tom. When will you realize that you are living in Surbiton and not Zaire?
05:25I
05:29Am sorry I refuse to conduct a conversation of this level. We'll give us some scraps, and I'll push off I
05:36Do not have any scraps
05:38You do I do not you must have I do not I have a waste disposal unit
05:44So have I my animals you might just as well give me your potato peelings and stuff and throw them away
05:49I do not throw them away. I told you I have a waste disposal unit all right
05:55If you ever come around with your arm torn off. I'll know what's happened
05:57Thank you very much for wishing bodily mutilation on me Tom, but I have better things to do with my rubbish than throw it away
06:06In any case you've got a mountain of the stuff in your back garden already
06:09I know what you'll do you'll build it up and up until it becomes a sort of mini
06:14Matterhorn staring over the fence at me wrong because I'm increasing my livestock. They'll get rid of it
06:20Oh for heaven's sake not more chickens. No no pigs pigs
06:25oink oink
06:46Well
06:47How's the cheese hanging about good old Geraldine? Ah yes the goats with the golden booze
06:54Geraldine is that what you call her yes, I wish you wouldn't anthropomorphize
06:59Look animals are animals not little people dressed up in skins. That's good coming from someone who calls a cockerel Lennon
07:05All right clever you asked for this
07:09Make me rather a lot. Don't you go to school. She doesn't keep very long you know swapses
07:13Oh great. You did a deal with a window cleaner. No he did them for nothing
07:16Oh, yeah, why well because he thought I was offering him something and then he found out that wasn't so he did them for nothing
07:23Am I supposed to understand that no oh?
07:27Did you know that the major endo parasite of the pig is a liver fluke obvious everybody knows that
07:34I'll come in
07:37Did you know the major endo parasite of the pig is a liver fluke of course not see look. I've been having a
07:45Chat with Margo. Oh, yeah, how is Margo? How's her waste disposal unit?
07:51It's fine look
07:54Do you have to keep pigs Jerry you've been sent over from enemy lines with a message. I'm afraid she's serious
08:00I've never known her anything else. No. She really means business this time Tom
08:03She says if she's got to live next door to pigs she's gonna take steps movie. No. She's going to bring in mr.. Carter
08:12Who is mr.. Cut he's the new chairman of the residence Association, then you leave me no alternative
08:17I'll bring in a hard gun from Isha
08:20Seriously he's a real girl this bloke you know the local mums have been wanting a zebra crossing up on the downs road for the
08:25Last two years well he's been chairman for the last month and zap pow
08:29There's a zebra crossing up on the downs road all right, so he gets things done
08:33No, but the point is he's gonna do you to over her dead body right look
08:37I never wanted it to come to this I
08:39Reckon your daft way of life is gonna grind to a halt of its own accord without any help from the neighbors
08:43I'm sorry all right Jerry. It's not you indeed
08:46It is not going peace good general
08:47But tell thy sovereign lady this if he doth bite her thumbs at us he do we back unto her our thumbs be back
08:56Don't call us we'll call you
08:59Never mind you said Margo's piece. Please you get your dinner now. Yes, that's true. What do you have it pork?
09:14Fancy calling little things like you swine you're not are you my little pinky and perky Barbara?
09:21well
09:22Barbara perky
09:24That's walking bacon, and don't you forget it misery come on. Let's finish the little house
09:30stye
09:43I
09:49Speak sitting under the hair dryer talking about the pill I can tell you our trowels touched in
10:02So you've got
10:05Yes, we both got them. That's what this is fun
10:07Well, I gave a fair warning
10:10I'm sorry you leave me no alternative
10:13I'm going to telephone mr.. Carter
10:16Margo yes
10:18oink oink
10:36Moment of truth I should think so
10:44Sure well good luck old man. Thank you
10:59Now the few Bob said cobblers to goblers three guesses mr.. Carter, and I'm ready for him
11:05Good
11:13Evening Tom good evening Margo
11:15This is mr.. Carter evening mr.. Good good evening mr.. Carter right that's got the poncy formalities over
11:21I'm a busy man if you'll just make your threats. I'll ignore them and you can clear off no threats
11:24I just want to have a chat. That's what Hitler said at Munich
11:27Oh
11:31May I come in as well unless you want to listen to the keyhole
11:41Mr.. Carter Barbara my wife, how do you do hello? Why don't you sit down?
11:51Right now oh
11:57Excuse me
12:07Right now am I to be offered a seat in this house. No, and I shall stand. Oh sit down Margo
12:18No Jerry he has another engagement
12:20I know he's too embarrassed to come at least he has a decency not to want to get mixed up in this sort of petty
12:25Interference mr.. Carter well
12:27I'm having my four penny worth first
12:29I look here Carter you may be chairman of the Residents Association, but my wife, and I are not normal residents quite
12:35We're trying a new way of life here and working very hard at it
12:38We worked out what we put into it and what we're going to get out of it. Hopefully
12:41We don't belong to anybody we don't want any interference from anybody mr.. Carter
12:45Don't be quiet go on Tom
12:46I don't expect you to understand nine till five a company car all nice and cozy inside the system
12:52What could you possibly know about trying to make it on your own a hey?
12:55Quite a lot I did exactly
12:58What I?
13:01Left the system as well eight years ago. I hardly sold a thing for six years, but now I'm making a living at it
13:07But what writing freelance call me Hitler by all means, but don't tell me I know nothing about chancing my arm oh
13:15Bravo mr. Carter
13:17Nonsense rubbish that makes it worse if you know about going it alone all the more reason why you shouldn't be around here trying to
13:22Interfere with our personal liberty quite right. I'm not well. What are you doing mr.
13:27Carter is here in his official capacity as chairman of the Residents Association
13:31To tell you on my behalf that you may not keep pigs. I'm not
13:38I am just here as an unbiased referee to help sort out a little problem between neighbors
13:45It's a problem now look mrs.. Ledbetter. Let's get down to cases. Why precisely do you object to mr.. And mrs.
13:51Good keeping pigs because they are pigs
13:55Yes, well, that's it isn't it enough no
14:00Well that wraps that up anybody fancy a game of crip
14:04I'm afraid that doesn't quite wrap it up mr.
14:06Good we should establish whether or not mrs. Ledbetter does have legitimate grounds for complaints at last mr.
14:11Carter tell him what they are well don't you know oh?
14:15Alright look mr.. Good
14:17Do they constitute any kind of health hazard exactly no?
14:21I've had my land checked for parasites and all my animals vetted by a vet according to him
14:25They're healthier than I am fair enough mind you pigs do have a habit of creating piles of exactly
14:39I know you're trying to make me sing
14:42All right, then I'll see it piles of dirties
14:48Anyway, that's no problem. It's all gonna go down to the cellar. Oh my god in containers Margo
14:54We intend to convert it into fuel. Oh
14:57Methane yes, what a good idea mr.. Carter
15:01Well, I can't think of anything else well
15:04What they will ruin my garden we're not keeping them in your garden. We'll see they jumped over the fence
15:09Oh, come on. I can't see piglets doing the Fosbury flop over a great
15:16They will they won't they will they won't they're pending they will
15:22Destruction of property Tom then I have a perfect right to take legal action
15:25Oh, I tell you what if they build a ladder and as much as set a trotter in your garden
15:31Seems very fair to me does not alter the fact that I can still see pigs from my patio
15:37However, we will leave it at that
15:40Barbara Tom Margo Margo
15:45Good night, mr. Carter
15:48And I'm sorry to say this, but you are not the mr. Carter. I imagined you to be well. I'm sorry to hear that
15:56Because she's exactly the mrs.. Ledbetter. I imagined her to be
15:59You
16:04Got warm hands. Yes, right you built the goat ugly at the eggs
16:18See they didn't make a letter. Oh, no what they didn't need to look
16:29Oh
16:59I
17:04Have to get over the top
17:06Oh
17:27Morning Tom
17:36I
17:48Pinky I perky hi Jack where you go
17:58Never mind
18:06Oh
18:28Just off darling I usually am when I put my overcoat on
18:33No need to telephone if you're going to be late I shan't
18:37Anything special you'd like for dinner anything except pork
18:41Well, I must say Jerry. I never realized before that you were so fond of pigs
18:45I'm not I think they're nasty smelly creatures
18:47But I'd rather have Tom and Barbara's friends with pigs than not friends without them
18:50I don't see why you should make me out the villain of the piece
18:54Nothing wrong in asking someone to honor an agreement
18:57That's what they said about Shylock
19:02Are we done honey?
19:03Yes, are we gonna let this get the bedroom us? Yes. Come on. Cheer up. Tell you what, let's see our wines. Come on
19:14Yes an unpretentious little peapod burgundy, but I think you like it's impudent child
19:22Travel all ten feet
19:24There we are Chateau good 75
19:27I
19:31Look love we've got to expect setbacks. We just had one. Let's put it behind us and battle on to the future to the future
19:52It's hurting the back of my eyes
19:58Ruth how many bottles we make of that?
20:02Only two dozen last
20:07May I come in? Yes. It's right Margo. No pigs about I
20:15Just want to know if it's going to be possible for us to continue our relationship
20:19Well, you're not exactly flavor of the month Margo, but I suppose it'll wear off
20:23He's when you're in opposition. You're open about it. Thank you very much
20:27Come on, then have a drink
20:34Thank you very much
20:40Here's to a clean slate
20:52That's good
20:55Excellent have some more. Thank you very much
21:06Well, I mean it was an agreement wasn't it? Yes, and both parties did agree, didn't they? Yes, I
21:16I
21:19Wasn't being unfair and asking you to honor your side of the agreement was I oh my god
21:23You stop going on and on about it. Sorry
21:27After all they were only pigs
21:30You would get some nice doves instead
21:34You haven't the faintest idea what we're trying to do yet
21:37We didn't get pigs to look make the garden look pretty we keep pigs for sound economic reasons we
21:42Kept pigs if this business has left you out of pocket. Oh, don't worry dead weight. I just about recouped my outlay
21:50What's dead weight like if I poleaxed you now, it's the price I'd get for your carcass
21:59What don't look so shocked the fact is if I try to sell them back to the breeder I get less than I paid for
22:04Them they depreciate like cars. We've got our books to balance. I didn't ask you to kill them
22:08I thought you would just send them away somewhere
22:13Where to boarding school
22:18They have places where they retire horses
22:23They were too young to retire Margo
22:26They were only ten weeks old
22:29ten weeks
22:31Just weaned
22:34Not much of a life was it
22:37Just babies really never even felt the Sun on their backs
22:46Tom you don't suppose they sensed where they were going. Do you know they say animals know when they're gonna die, but
22:51Mind you that little a little cry they made when we closed the tailgate was almost human
22:57They don't feel anything do they when they're
23:00when they're garotted I
23:03Don't think so. Well, not much anyway
23:06Goodness sake stop it
23:11Here are the keys to my car go and save your wretched pigs
23:18Just hope I'm in time Oh
23:2020
23:32Pay 20 ones pontoons and five card tricks only
23:38Just said he was going to get rid of them
23:41Didn't say they were going to be slaughtered. Did he?
23:44Come on, play pay 20 ones
23:46Sixteen well done
23:53I have nightmares. It'll be Tom's fault. She told me
23:59Look, it's no good getting your knickers in a twist
24:04Twist
24:08There's nothing we can do about it now either way twist
24:16Either Thomas and time or he wasn't twist
24:22And if he wasn't twist
24:29Well, that's that then isn't it twist I
24:38Know it we had a bit of a difference over this thing twist
24:42I
24:56Just hope
25:02Stick
25:08Jerry called me Shylock
25:12I
25:14Paid 19 20 21 22
25:2175
25:32Barbara
25:34Oh
25:39Thought about cheating mam's old guillotine the scarlet Pippin. Oh wasn't it?
25:44I am
25:46And I'll say this I know pigs aren't really so bad are they? Oh, yes, they are. They're horrid
25:52If they ever set foot in my garden again, there will be no reprieve. Don't worry Margo
25:57I'll make their pen like wormwood scrubs very well then Margo. Yes. Thanks sexy
26:03Miss
26:11It wore on you did it
26:13Are we the happiest Tom and Barbara in the world?
26:16Right go sober up get your working clothes on we've got a prison camp to build
26:19And listen if you ever let on I didn't make it and you're not pinky and perky it's sausage time
26:49You